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1
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:19,860
Did you want leg wax...?
2
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:21,940
- Wax strips.
- Yes.
3
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:23,100
It's different.
4
00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,860
You know, most people stopped
ordering their groceries online
5
00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:28,660
once the pandemic kind of petered out.
6
00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:29,660
Not me, sis.
7
00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:31,740
Online groceries and Zoom funerals
8
00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:34,060
are the two great legacies
of the spicy cough.
9
00:00:34,140 --> 00:00:36,060
- These ones?
- Yeah, they're great.
10
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:37,020
Yep. Righto.
11
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:39,860
Why are you such a good boy?
12
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:42,300
Think I might jazz up
those old pizzas for dinner.
13
00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:44,420
- Are you joking?
- No.
14
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,860
I have told you so many times,
15
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:49,180
we're having dinner with Meggles
and her new girlfriend tonight.
16
00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:51,260
Fuck, that's right.
Jesus, that was fast.
17
00:00:51,340 --> 00:00:53,380
I know, and I've stalked her on Insta.
18
00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:54,420
Not good.
19
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:55,380
Can I get out of it?
20
00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:56,540
Nup, you can't.
21
00:00:57,460 --> 00:00:59,660
All right, not getting
any cuter than that.
22
00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:00,020
Um... ooh, do you want to
walk me to the station?
23
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,500
Um... ooh, do you want to
walk me to the station?
24
00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:02,860
I'm early. We could get a coffee.
25
00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:03,860
I'm...
26
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,380
I've got that lunch
with that corporate guy today
27
00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:08,860
and I think I might just have
a lay in, if that's all right.
28
00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:10,700
Oh. Okay.
29
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,580
Don't be sad,
we're having dinner together.
30
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:13,980
And we live together.
31
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:16,060
Okay, well, keep yourself nice
at lunch, please.
32
00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:17,380
- I will.
- Yeah? Promise.
33
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,580
- I promise.
- Okay.
34
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:20,980
Stay fresh, cheese bags.
35
00:01:21,060 --> 00:01:22,060
You too.
36
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:32,140
- Ooh yeah.
37
00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:42,780
- Oh yeah.
38
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:49,420
- Ooh yeah. Ooh! Ooh!
39
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,220
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
40
00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:58,820
- Hey!
41
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,020
What's up? What's going on?
42
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:00,380
What's up? What's going on?
43
00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:01,460
- You forget something?
- Yeah.
44
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:02,700
Yeah, yeah, my cap.
45
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:03,820
- I forgot my cap.
- Oh.
46
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:04,820
There it is.
47
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,380
There it is. So, cool, got it now.
48
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,460
Cool, cool.
49
00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:10,140
- Got it.
- Um...
50
00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:11,100
Were you masturbating?
51
00:02:11,180 --> 00:02:12,140
Hey?
52
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,660
Were you... were you having a wank?
53
00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:15,060
No!
54
00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:16,820
No, I... no, I... sorry, no.
55
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:19,180
I was just taking my pants off
to get in the shower.
56
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:20,900
- Was just about to jump
up and do that.
57
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:21,860
- Ah, yeah.
58
00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:25,100
Yeah. 'Cause porn came through
my Air Pods downstairs.
59
00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:27,340
Did they? That's weird.
That's so strange.
60
00:02:27,420 --> 00:02:29,580
I'd look into that
'cause that's maybe a Bluetooth thing.
61
00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:32,940
I do have some neighbours, actually,
who, sometimes we get crossed.
62
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,740
And they've got some pretty
weird, um...
63
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,540
I don't know, whatever they get up to.
64
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:38,100
No judgement, but, um...
65
00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,660
no judgement, but, um...
66
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:40,900
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
67
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:41,820
Yeah.
68
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,940
- So weird.
- Yep.
69
00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:45,140
Yeah...
70
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:46,340
- Yep.
- Ah.
71
00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:50,820
Sorry, I was. I was.
72
00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:53,620
I was. Is that bad?
73
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,380
Nope.
74
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,900
Nah, I'm... I'm pretty cool
with that kind of thing.
75
00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,780
Oh. Oh, cool.
76
00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:00,020
Yeah, yeah.
77
00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:00,900
Yeah, yeah.
78
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,980
Just, um... in front
of the dog, though.
79
00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:05,100
I mean, yeah. He's a little bit close.
80
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:06,460
But I mean, he's not...
81
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,500
I mean, to be clear,
he was not a part of it.
82
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,620
I forgot he was there, if anything.
83
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,820
Now I think of it, though,
we did have sex last night.
84
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,060
Yeah, we did, and it was great.
85
00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:15,260
- Was it?
- I thought so.
86
00:03:15,340 --> 00:03:16,500
Yeah.
87
00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:19,260
No, no, no, it's cool.
It's just that, yeah.
88
00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:20,500
James never did this,
89
00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:22,340
so I'm like, yeah,
it's a bit new for me.
90
00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:25,020
Excuse me, yes, he did.
91
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,140
No, he told me that
92
00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:28,140
he never watched porn or masturbated.
93
00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:29,940
Oh, well, ah, he lied.
94
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,700
He lied to you. James is a liar.
95
00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,700
Cool. Yeah, all right.
96
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:37,500
Just so you know,
there was an on-ramp.
97
00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:38,700
Like, the... the, um...
98
00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:41,900
the wax strips box
that I was buying for you
99
00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:45,500
had some very leggy, sexy legs
on it, and it just...
100
00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:47,100
It got in there, you
know, and that's...
101
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:48,300
And so there was an on-ramp.
102
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,140
This didn't just come out of nowhere.
103
00:03:50,220 --> 00:03:51,860
Oh yeah, like I said, fine.
104
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,300
You sure you're fine?
You don't seem fine.
105
00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,740
Hey, the box. The legs. It's chill.
106
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,020
Catch ya.
107
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:00,180
Catch ya.
108
00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:04,060
She's not fine.
109
00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:06,140
And you are a bit close.
110
00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:32,100
I don't... I feel rejected, Meggles,
111
00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:34,260
on, like, every level.
112
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,380
You know, they say
113
00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:37,820
the first three months
of every relationship
114
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,180
is unpacking your last one.
115
00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:40,900
So, for you, that's...
116
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:44,100
that's you working out the ways
that James fucked you up.
117
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,020
Yeah.
118
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,180
And I guess Gordon's, like,
119
00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:49,540
letting go of being by himself.
120
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,860
These relationship podcasts
are really good, babe.
121
00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:52,940
I know, right?
122
00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:54,220
- Hey, James.
123
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:55,740
Hey, girls.
124
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,020
- What?
- Nothing.
125
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:00,940
- What?
- Nothing.
126
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:03,780
What's going on there?
127
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,660
Uh, it's my girlfriend, Rumi Cashmere.
128
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,020
Okay, just want you to know.
129
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,620
- Not her real name.
- It is.
130
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:10,700
It is.
131
00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:13,420
Okay...
132
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,180
You have a girlfriend? Holy shit.
133
00:05:15,260 --> 00:05:18,060
Yeah, she broke up with Chiara
like, oh, shit,
134
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:19,540
three minutes ago.
135
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,500
- Why are you being a bitch?
- I'm not. I'm not.
136
00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:22,820
You are.
137
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:23,780
So,
138
00:05:23,860 --> 00:05:25,900
can you not just be excited
that I've met someone
139
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:27,060
who I actually really like?
140
00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:29,900
Okay, I'm just saying that
that hat is a beige flag.
141
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:30,940
Ash!
142
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:32,020
Okay. Okay.
143
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,180
I'm getting a coke.
144
00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:37,420
Fuck you.
145
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:39,980
Love you.
146
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:47,980
What? What's up?
147
00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:52,340
You told me that you didn't jerk off.
148
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,580
Okay...
149
00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:57,580
So, was that a lie?
Like, I'm just wondering.
150
00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,700
You know, when you stop
going out with someone,
151
00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:00,020
the general rule is,
you stop acting crazy with them.
152
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,500
the general rule is,
you stop acting crazy with them.
153
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:05,180
No, that's...
that's not the rule, actually.
154
00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:08,300
Room 12.
155
00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:09,940
Mr Robson's waiting for a catheter.
156
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,500
Right.
157
00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:13,820
Chop-chop.
158
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:14,900
I'm coming.
159
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,860
I said I never watched porn.
160
00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:26,300
I never said I didn't... masturbate.
161
00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:29,220
So, what do you... do you watch then?
162
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,460
Um, nothing.
163
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,780
Just use my brain.
164
00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:33,540
Things I saw. People
I used to be with.
165
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:40,260
That is cool.
That's pretty cool then.
166
00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:41,660
- Mm.
- Yeah?
167
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:53,220
So we do.
168
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,300
We go up Sunday morning
to do boogie boarding out here
169
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:56,260
and it just goes off.
170
00:06:56,340 --> 00:06:57,780
- You and me?
- Absolute... yeah, no, yeah.
171
00:06:57,860 --> 00:06:59,500
Another glass of the Chablis
for either of you?
172
00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:00,020
- Yeah.
- No.
173
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:00,740
- Yeah.
- No.
174
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,540
We'll, ah... we'll get
a bottle, love. Ta.
175
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:03,460
Of course.
176
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:04,540
- There we go.
- Cheers, mate.
177
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:05,900
These bugs will
change your life, mate.
178
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,260
- Get stuck in.
- Sure...
179
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,980
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
180
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:10,180
Mate.
181
00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:11,300
Thanks for making the time, man.
182
00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:13,140
Oh, mate, it's...
it's my pleasure, Jared.
183
00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:16,740
It's nice to finally put a face to the
incessant phone calls and emails.
184
00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:17,660
Yeah.
185
00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,500
Look, I am enthusiastic about my job.
186
00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:20,420
- Guilty of that, yeah.
- Yeah.
187
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,260
Which is what, exactly?
188
00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:23,420
Oh.
189
00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:26,580
- "Chief Growth Officer."
- Yeah.
190
00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,020
Not what the missus would say, mate.
191
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:31,700
- Ha.
192
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,980
Yeah, nah, I started in finance,
did that whole thing,
193
00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:36,420
bit of time at Cadbury-Schweppes,
194
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,500
ah, the integrity unit at the NRL,
195
00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:39,820
bit of time at Channel 9,
196
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,180
few Logies after parties, mate,
197
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,340
and now we're at Lion Australia,
which is fantastic.
198
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:45,460
- Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
199
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,820
Hey, Jared, it's so nice
to be wined and dined
200
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,580
- on the company card, obviously.
- All right, yeah.
201
00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:51,780
But what did...?
Did you have a proposal, or...?
202
00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:53,340
Not into the foreplay, big fella?
203
00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:54,860
- Well...
- Okay, good on ya, mate.
204
00:07:55,460 --> 00:07:56,980
Look, we just wanted
to get in front of you, man,
205
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,500
and say what a fan we are of what
you're doing and your beer.
206
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,020
- Ah.
- We think you're special.
207
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:00,740
- Ah.
- We think you're special.
208
00:08:00,820 --> 00:08:02,220
We think you're an
outlier in the field,
209
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,140
and, ah, mate,
we want to do business with you.
210
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,140
- Really?
- Yeah.
211
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:07,980
So what we do, man...
I'll give you the speel.
212
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:08,900
Yep.
213
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:11,180
We deliver strong branding
communication campaigns
214
00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,620
that deliver vertical integration
and portfolio growth.
215
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:14,900
- Right.
- So, say no more.
216
00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:15,820
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
217
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,420
Well, say a bit more 'cause I don't
really know what that means.
218
00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,540
- Wait for this. You ready?
- Yep.
219
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,580
We want to buy your brewery.
220
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,260
Bang.
221
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,540
Big bang, mate.
222
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:29,860
- Yeah, right.
- There it is.
223
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,020
There it is.
224
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:33,180
Your life just changed.
225
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:35,060
- Mm.
- What are you driving?
226
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,620
- I drive...
- Not anymore.
227
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,340
- Good on you, mate.
- Oh, okay.
228
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:40,860
What a special moment for you.
229
00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:41,940
Yeah...
230
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,580
- Oh yeah.
- Yep.
231
00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:45,540
Oh yeah!
232
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:47,780
- Oh yeah, mate.
- Yes, yes.
233
00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:51,980
Let's get you a bit more comfortable,
hey, Mr Robson?
234
00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:52,940
Thank you.
235
00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:55,100
Got the best girls on the job.
236
00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:56,660
That's right.
237
00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:00,020
- Hey, regarding tonight?
- Yep?
238
00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:01,740
- Hey, regarding tonight?
- Yep?
239
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:03,860
Just promise me you'll be nice, Ash.
240
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,460
Yeah.
241
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:07,220
Can I get more than a "yeah"?
242
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:08,740
Yeah, I promise.
243
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:12,740
It just really matters to me
that you like her.
244
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,940
Mm-hmm. Are you okay there, Mr Robson?
245
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:15,980
Marvellous.
246
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:17,140
Okay.
247
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:21,820
Just not sure...
248
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:22,740
What?
249
00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:24,340
I'm just... I'm just trying to...
250
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:25,780
Um...
251
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,300
What are you doing?
252
00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,940
Oh, hello. I'm inserting a catheter.
253
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:34,300
No, but what are you doing there?
254
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:37,140
I'm, um, just pulling back
your husband's foreskin
255
00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:38,420
to insert the catheter.
256
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:40,660
He's circumcised.
257
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,380
No! He's what?
258
00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:44,820
My
husband is circumcised.
259
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,180
Oh, yeah, I see that.
260
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,700
Go away, Mary.
261
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:54,900
You could have said something.
262
00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:57,580
It's my birthday today.
263
00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:00,020
Great. Happy birthday, mate.
264
00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:00,340
Great. Happy birthday, mate.
265
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,660
- Many happy returns, Mr Robson.
- Thank you.
266
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:04,860
Hey, let's talk numbers,
all right?
267
00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:05,900
Okay.
268
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,340
How many taps you on?
269
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:08,860
- Let's see.
- I'll tell ya. Three.
270
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:11,140
And you're in four
independent bottle shops
271
00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:12,940
and you just lost the JetRex deal.
272
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:13,860
To us.
273
00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:15,220
Sounds like you've done
your research, Jared.
274
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,060
We just want to throw you
a lifeline, mate.
275
00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:18,500
We know it's your baby,
276
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,540
but there's certain economic
realities, all right?
277
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:22,540
That you created, Jared.
278
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,340
We do not want to squeeze you, man.
279
00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:25,620
But you're gonna have no choice soon.
280
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,460
You're a polar bear
on a bit of ice, bruv.
281
00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:28,380
Yes, we are,
282
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,100
and you're fuckin' climate change,
can't you see that?
283
00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,700
Oh, I appreciate that. Climate
change is real, man. Seriously.
284
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,660
- Yes, it is.
- Yeah. Yeah.
285
00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:36,300
- Yes, it actually is.
- Totally.
286
00:10:37,780 --> 00:10:38,820
I can't tell whether you're trying to
287
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,620
kiss me or fuck me here,
Jared, to be honest.
288
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:41,900
- Why not a bit of both?
- Sure.
289
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,420
But can you see my problem?
290
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,820
Like, there's two behemoths buying up
all the craft beer in Australia,
291
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:46,900
all the money goes to Japan...
292
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:47,820
Konnichiwa.
293
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:49,620
And I can't get
my beer anywhere, mate,
294
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,740
because you guys have monopolised
the entire thing.
295
00:10:51,820 --> 00:10:53,060
- Shit yeah. Shit yeah.
- Yeah.
296
00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:54,140
Even the old pubs.
297
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,660
Especially the old pubs.
Yeah, we got them ages ago.
298
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,900
'Course you did.
299
00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:58,980
Look, mate.
300
00:11:00,140 --> 00:11:01,860
- Maybe I wasn't clear. Sorry.
- Mm.
301
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:03,660
We don't want to change a thing.
302
00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:05,220
- Don't you?
- No. No.
303
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,420
You're the conductor of the orchestra,
we're just...
304
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,500
we own the opera house.
305
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,260
We just wanna make you rich, man.
306
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:12,860
- I'm security.
- Mm?
307
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,300
You're a terrorist.
308
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,300
- And I'm letting you in...
- Ah.
309
00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:17,380
Let's blow some shit up.
310
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:18,900
- Right. Yeah.
311
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:20,380
- You're just the
coach of the Rabbitohs.
312
00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:22,900
I'm Russell Crowe in the box
having party pies.
313
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:24,820
I'm worried about Gladiator and shit.
314
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:25,980
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
315
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,780
And you're down there going,
"Get him back."
316
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,060
"Run the field."
317
00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:30,700
- Yeah.
- "Get Greg forward."
318
00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:32,100
- Yeah.
- And I'm just up in the box
319
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:34,060
- trying to connect with my son.
- Yeah.
320
00:11:34,140 --> 00:11:35,540
- You get it.
- Yeah, I get it.
321
00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:37,220
- I mean, I think I...
- Now, we're cool.
322
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,420
- Let me... all right, hey, now?
- Yeah?
323
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,620
Let me take you somewhere special.
324
00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:45,460
They do a good nachos here.
325
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:47,580
Oh yeah?
326
00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:51,540
They'll do chicken
or beef or whatever.
327
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:53,500
Do you want to get some?
328
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,420
Is that all right?
329
00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:58,140
Yeah, get out. Go on.
330
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:00,020
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
331
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,620
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
332
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:04,300
I think James thinks about me
when he masturbates.
333
00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:05,700
- Excuse me?
- Yeah.
334
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:07,660
He told me that he doesn't use porn,
335
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:10,380
he just thinks about
people he was with.
336
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:11,340
That's pretty cool.
337
00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:12,900
What?
338
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:15,380
What? You hated
male masturbation this morning.
339
00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:19,580
Yeah, but if I feature in it,
like, that's pretty cool.
340
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:21,540
A word please, Ashley.
341
00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:23,060
We've had a complaint
342
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:26,300
from a Mrs Mary Robson.
343
00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:28,620
- Are you kidding?
344
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:31,020
- Not a laughing matter, Megan.
- Mm?
345
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,260
Sorry, Gene.
346
00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:38,940
Mr Robson, though.
347
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,220
That's pretty cool.
348
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,460
I don't sound like that.
349
00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:43,860
- That's pretty cool.
- Shut up.
350
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,820
- Probably head off...
- Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus?
351
00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:54,660
Shit, um, probably Taylor.
352
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,140
I'm Miley. She frightens me
and I love it, man.
353
00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:58,780
- Do ya?
- Oh yeah.
354
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,020
Oh, Crystal, well done!
355
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:01,380
Oh, Crystal, well done!
356
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:03,660
Athletes, mate. They're athletes.
357
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,980
How often can you
get this close to athletes?
358
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,020
- In their prime?
- Yep.
359
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,980
I mean, this is LeBron courtside.
360
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:13,140
- Isn't it?
- Yep.
361
00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:18,220
Righto, Crys, that's
great. Good stuff.
362
00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:20,620
That's from both of us.
We're celebrating.
363
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:24,340
Now, Batman or Superman?
364
00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:26,820
Batman, probably.
365
00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:28,260
Oh, yeah, easy.
366
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:29,700
Robert Pattinson Batman.
367
00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:31,140
- Really?
- Yeah.
368
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,660
You reckon?
369
00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:33,740
Yeah...
370
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:39,340
Do you reckon you prefer
to breathe underwater or just fly?
371
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:44,660
Ashley, I need to know
exactly what happened.
372
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,780
Mrs Robson's very upset.
373
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,380
I was trying
to pull back his foreskin, okay?
374
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:52,140
There was a lot
of excess skin around the head.
375
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:53,060
He's circumcised.
376
00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:55,700
Yeah, I mean, take that up
with his childhood doctor.
377
00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,620
Gene, his penis is a mess.
378
00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,420
I beg your pardon, Mrs Robson.
379
00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:02,180
Oh, come on...
380
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:04,180
I'm so sorry, Mrs Robson.
381
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,980
Look, if you'd like to go back
and wait in the lounge,
382
00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:07,780
I'll be with you in just a moment.
383
00:14:10,420 --> 00:14:12,500
Now, I'm not sure what's worse.
384
00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:14,220
Your overall conduct
385
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,420
or the fact that you're
a sixth-year medical student
386
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,380
who can't tell whether a penis
has been circumcised or not.
387
00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:20,940
Do you need to see
the slideshow again?
388
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,420
No, please.
389
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,540
Lot of paperwork here.
390
00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:27,020
This is a sexual assault complaint.
391
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:29,300
Gene, do you know how many times
I've been felt up
392
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:31,620
by men exactly like him?
393
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,620
- How many?
- Too many.
394
00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:37,180
Well, maybe your
manner's a bit whiffy?
395
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:39,180
You're being too sexy.
396
00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:43,500
Do you want to take that back, Gene?
397
00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,140
I do.
398
00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:47,300
Can I go now?
399
00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:48,460
Yes, you can go.
400
00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:50,380
I'll sort this out.
401
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,380
Okay, good. Thank you.
402
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:56,900
All right, good.
403
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,020
All the good girls
have been on anyway.
404
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:00,260
All the good girls
have been on anyway.
405
00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:01,420
Yeah, totally.
406
00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:04,820
Oi, let's go to the driving range.
I've got a spare set in the car.
407
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,380
Oh, mate, I... I don't know.
408
00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:07,700
What don't you know?
409
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:09,700
I don't know about everything,
do you know what I mean?
410
00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:12,620
I don't know if this is a good fit
for us, to be honest.
411
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,900
- A good fit?
- Yeah, sorry, man.
412
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:18,260
It was a pretty good fit when you
ordered a $200 bottle of sticky.
413
00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:20,220
- You said "help yourself", mate.
- And you did.
414
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:21,620
- Cockhead.
- I'm a cockhead?
415
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:22,580
Yes, you are a cockhead.
416
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,260
You're dank, mate.
417
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,060
That place was dank.
418
00:15:26,140 --> 00:15:27,940
- You're fucked, mate.
- I'm fucked?
419
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:28,980
- Yeah.
- No, you're literally fucked.
420
00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,100
You're brewery's closed in 12 months,
mate. You got nothing.
421
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,500
- No, mate, I've got plenty.
- Yeah? Hit me.
422
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:34,540
And it's mine, all right? So, fuck ya.
423
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:35,780
Here we go!
Yeah, you're fuckin'...
424
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:37,180
Yeah, here we go.
Here we fuckin' go, mate.
425
00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:38,540
- Yeah, yeah, come on, mate!
426
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:39,940
- Nah, nah,
not here, fellas.
427
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,780
- Take it down the road.
- Fuck you, mate.
428
00:15:41,860 --> 00:15:44,220
- If you fuckin'...
429
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,340
You fuckin' prick!
430
00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:47,420
- Here we go! Here we go!
431
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,340
- This is helping.
- This is good.
432
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:50,780
Feel the cold.
433
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:51,900
Be the cold.
434
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,300
Brr, this is good.
435
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:54,260
Oh, shit.
436
00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:56,340
I... This is unbelievable.
437
00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:57,420
You are wasted.
438
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,980
- No, Ash, no, I'm sober.
- It's all good, I'm working on him.
439
00:15:59,060 --> 00:15:59,900
Don't worry, all right?
440
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:00,020
Where did you go? What did you do?
441
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:01,260
Where did you go? What did you do?
442
00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:03,580
Ah, well, I went, ah...
it was just lunch.
443
00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:05,700
But then, honestly,
Jared took me to a strip club.
444
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:07,060
- Which one?
- Are you joking?
445
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,260
- Crazy Girls.
- Ah, yeah.
446
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,620
Uh, no, but it was...
I didn't like it.
447
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,860
Don't be mad.
It was... it was really dank.
448
00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:14,500
Yeah, no, I can back that up.
449
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:16,420
Ash, he's not really a strip club guy.
450
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,700
He's more a play-the-pokies guy.
451
00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:19,020
- That's true.
- Oh, cool.
452
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,020
What a catch.
453
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,540
You're supposed to clean
the bin, you guys.
454
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:26,060
- Disgusting.
455
00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:28,860
- Gordon, what is that?
- What?
456
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,740
That is a fuckin' rat!
457
00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:31,740
- What?
- Oh, shit.
458
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:32,980
- Oh, fuck!
- No, no, that's half a rat.
459
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,940
- Oh, no, no!
- Oh my God. Oh my God.
460
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,060
- Oh no! It's like a yoyo.
461
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:38,820
Fuckin' hell! Is that...
462
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:40,740
- Holy shit!
- Ah!
463
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:44,900
- No, he's good.
- I can't breathe.
464
00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:46,500
He's good. He's all fine. He's fine.
465
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:49,460
Great. I'm gonna go get changed.
466
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,020
Sorry.
467
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:00,100
Sorry.
468
00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:01,820
- Are you right?
- I am. I promise I am.
469
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,620
I had a coffee. I'm good, I'm good.
470
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,340
- Sort it out.
- Yeah.
471
00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:07,740
- Ooh, there they are.
- Okay.
472
00:17:07,820 --> 00:17:09,620
- Hello.
- Hi.
473
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,940
Ashy, this is Rumi.
474
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:13,260
I've heard so much.
475
00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:15,220
Same, girl, same. Oh my God.
476
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,860
- Oh.
- Oh my God.
477
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,460
You are such a good person.
478
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,460
- You're such a great hugger.
- I'll take one of those.
479
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,260
- This is Gordon, my boyfriend.
480
00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:26,180
- Hi.
- Hi.
481
00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,900
- Ooh!
- Ah, oh.
482
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,060
- Covid elbow?
- Oh.
483
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:30,300
- I don't know.
484
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,660
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, it's fine.
485
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:33,780
Yeah, he's never met a woman before.
486
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,860
- Sit down, sit down.
- Mm.
487
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,260
- I haven't been here before.
- Do you want to...?
488
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:40,420
But I've heard it's, yep.
489
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,220
Mm, it smells good.
490
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,380
Do you know, I actually think this was
my grandmother's house?
491
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,340
No way!
492
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:48,580
Yeah, this was the old post office
and she used to live upstairs.
493
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:49,700
- Oh.
- Wow.
494
00:17:49,780 --> 00:17:52,340
My grandmother was the first
female postmaster-general.
495
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:53,660
Uh-huh?
496
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,620
- Postmistress, I suppose.
- Yeah.
497
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,580
Communication, you know?
498
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:58,500
Legacy.
499
00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,020
- Oh my God, that's beautiful.
- Yeah.
500
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,620
- Yeah, right.
- Amazing.
501
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,740
Hello, folks. Here you go.
502
00:18:03,820 --> 00:18:04,900
Can I... can I just ask,
503
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:07,260
did this used to be
the old post office?
504
00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:08,540
Um, I can ask?
505
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,060
No, it's okay. I know it is.
506
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:11,700
- You know when you
can feel something?
507
00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:12,340
- Yeah.
508
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:13,860
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
509
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,300
Love that. Welcome to Shwa`
510
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:17,500
Have you dined with us before?
511
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:18,780
I have. I know that
512
00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:20,180
your menu goes from small to big,
513
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:21,540
the numbers are prices,
514
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,260
and, ah, your pronouns are he/him.
515
00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:24,220
So sorry.
516
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,740
God, we would never assume
anyone's pronouns. We...
517
00:18:26,820 --> 00:18:28,780
No, no, no, I'm not. No,
he told me that like a month ago.
518
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:29,940
Oh, it's really sweet of you,
519
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:32,300
but they're actually he/they now.
520
00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:33,380
Yes!
521
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:34,740
- Go off, King.
- Thank you.
522
00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:36,660
- I'll give you guys a minute.
523
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:37,780
- Could we...?
- Sure.
524
00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:38,900
Thank you.
525
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:42,020
Oh my God!
526
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:44,460
Negroni spagliato
with prosecco with it? Yes!
527
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:45,780
Need, need, need.
528
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:47,780
Shall I get a round for
the table? Let's do this.
529
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,860
Have you got my hat?
530
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,900
- Sorry, what?
- My hat?
531
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:53,300
No, no, I gave it to the waiter.
532
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,060
Who, the... that guy?
533
00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:56,220
- Yes.
- Oh.
534
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,220
- Sorry...
535
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,340
No, no, no, absolutely fine. Um...
536
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:00,020
It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage,
I'm just gonna...
537
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:01,500
It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage,
I'm just gonna...
538
00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:02,540
Give me one second.
539
00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:03,820
Sorry, hi!
540
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:05,860
- Gordon.
- Sorry. I'm sorry, Meggles.
541
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,500
No, it's fine. She just,
she likes her hat.
542
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,940
Yeah, it's great.
543
00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:09,900
Isn't she great?
544
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:11,020
- Yes.
545
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:14,260
- She is...
- She's great. She's fun, and... - Yeah.
546
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:17,540
Everybody, relax. Whoo!
547
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,700
- There we go. My God.
- Yeah, she's back.
548
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:21,420
I actually also wonder,
549
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,420
so what I think we should start with,
tell me what you think?
550
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,220
Do you mind if I order?
Can I be that person?
551
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:26,340
- Please do.
- Fantastic.
552
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,060
- Be that person.
- Do they have a hat rack?
553
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:29,380
- I'm joking.
554
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:30,620
It's a joke.
555
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,300
You know, I saw my mother,
I saw my sisters,
556
00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:38,700
I don't even have any sisters,
557
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:41,660
but I cannot recommend Ayahuasca
enough, you know?
558
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:44,220
Mm, they have that
in the Blue Mountains, I think.
559
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,820
Oh, no, not the same.
560
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:46,740
- Not the same.
- No?
561
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:49,100
No, you have to do it
in South America, otherwise, what?
562
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,060
- Sure.
563
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:52,300
Guys, do you know, I've got a mate
who does ketamine therapy?
564
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:55,100
And so, for 45 minutes, he goes in
and gets injected with ketamine,
565
00:19:55,180 --> 00:19:57,340
and then, um, he's
out, completely out,
566
00:19:57,420 --> 00:20:00,020
and he wakes up and he,
he has a cry, and then...
567
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:00,140
and he wakes up and he,
he has a cry, and then...
568
00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:03,500
But you've got texts to do,
so not a problem.
569
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,060
You had enough to eat, baby?
570
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,420
- Yeah, I'm okay, baby.
- Mmm. Come here.
571
00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:13,500
Tell you what,
the Rogan Josh is amazing.
572
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:14,580
- Mm!
- Really...
573
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:15,500
- Best thing.
- Yeah.
574
00:20:15,580 --> 00:20:16,700
It's good, right?
575
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:19,580
It's good. I mean, street food
in India is better, but...
576
00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:21,420
- Have you been?
- Oh, many times.
577
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,580
Many, many times.
578
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:24,620
- Really?
- Yeah. God yeah.
579
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,780
India's really interesting, right?
As a place.
580
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,860
Because, of course,
my last name is Cashmere,
581
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:33,060
and so that is actually originating
in the Kashmir district.
582
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:36,820
I actually consider myself Kashmiri.
583
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,500
Yeah, but you're not Indian.
584
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,540
Not in my roots, but...
585
00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:45,180
Yeah. But, I mean, are... are you?
586
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:48,100
'Cause I'm... I'm Sri Lankan actually.
587
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,340
- Yeah.
- Mm.
588
00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:51,580
I know that, baby. I know that.
589
00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:54,620
I'm just saying, you know, street
food, better in the Kashmiri district.
590
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:57,500
Mm.
591
00:20:58,740 --> 00:21:00,020
I can't wait to travel with you.
592
00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:01,260
I can't wait to travel with you.
593
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,820
- I'm really looking forward to it.
594
00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:06,060
I love you.
595
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:08,420
So proud of you.
596
00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:11,420
I've just stopped voting now
597
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:14,700
'cause I think that's the best use
of my voice right now.
598
00:21:14,780 --> 00:21:17,980
And I said to her, "That's clearly
because you didn't breastfeed him,
599
00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:20,180
and now you can't trust him."
600
00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:23,580
And I thought, this is it,
and I wet my pants in protest.
601
00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:26,220
I don't believe in pets as a concept.
602
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,740
That is essentially slavery to me.
603
00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:31,340
And then after all that,
604
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:33,700
had to stop playing trombone.
605
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:35,900
And my doctor, Susan, said
606
00:21:35,980 --> 00:21:38,220
that I actually have two uteruses.
607
00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:40,300
- Uterine didelphys. Studied that.
- Yeah, we studied it.
608
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:43,860
And when Susan diagnosed me,
she actually broke down crying
609
00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:46,420
because her mother had
dual uteri, right,
610
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:52,180
and Susan's mum
had lost her twin at birth,
611
00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:53,620
and get this,
612
00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:57,540
Susan's mum had named
the deceased baby Rumi.
613
00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:58,580
- Whoa.
614
00:21:58,660 --> 00:21:59,620
I know! I know!
615
00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:00,020
When she said that, we cried,
616
00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:01,060
When she said that, we cried,
617
00:22:01,140 --> 00:22:03,420
we hugged, and the clock on the wall
actually stopped.
618
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,780
Oh, shut up!
619
00:22:04,860 --> 00:22:06,300
- Excuse me?
- Shut the fuck up.
620
00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:08,660
- I beg your pardon?!
- Sorry, I'm so sorry.
621
00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,260
But fucking come on,
Meggles, please.
622
00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:11,220
Wow.
623
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:12,980
Wow, you little boy.
624
00:22:13,060 --> 00:22:15,980
- I'm a little boy?
- Yeah, you're a little boy. - Am I?
625
00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:18,540
What, 'cause I'm not trying to fuck
you, I've got to keep my mouth shut?
626
00:22:18,620 --> 00:22:20,220
- What?
- Whoa, okay, Rumi.
627
00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:22,020
- I think that's not it, actually.
- Really?
628
00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:22,980
- No.
- Really?
629
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:25,340
If I can, I think what it is, is that
you haven't asked he or I
630
00:22:25,420 --> 00:22:26,660
a single question all night.
631
00:22:26,740 --> 00:22:27,660
Oh, Ashley, come on.
632
00:22:27,740 --> 00:22:29,220
- No, it's true.
- Ah, Ash...
633
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:30,660
You can pipe in at any point.
634
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:31,580
- That's exactly how
conversation works.
635
00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:32,260
- Yeah.
636
00:22:32,340 --> 00:22:33,300
- In what space?
- Yeah.
637
00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:36,580
You go on and on and on with
these insanely uncheckable stories.
638
00:22:36,660 --> 00:22:37,900
They're checkable!
They're all checkable.
639
00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:41,060
No, actually, Rumi, I think
the genius of you is that they're not.
640
00:22:41,140 --> 00:22:42,020
- Huh.
- Huh.
641
00:22:42,100 --> 00:22:43,060
- Wow.
- Wow.
642
00:22:43,140 --> 00:22:46,140
Jordan, I am sure you've heard this
a million times,
643
00:22:46,220 --> 00:22:49,100
but you have a garden variety
Madonna Whore complex.
644
00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:50,260
- OK, I don't think we need
to say that.
645
00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:50,940
- Nope, first time.
646
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:53,260
Really? Wow, if you can't see it,
it's very clear to me.
647
00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:54,660
- Hey, don't...
- In this situation, what am I?
648
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:55,580
Madonna or Whore?
649
00:22:55,660 --> 00:22:57,020
- Well, you're in...
- Please, tell me.
650
00:22:57,100 --> 00:22:59,260
A heteronormative
domestic partnership,
651
00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:00,020
so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna,
652
00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:01,180
so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna,
653
00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:03,300
and that's the reason that
he still looks at porn.
654
00:23:03,380 --> 00:23:04,500
Oh, fuckin' what?
655
00:23:04,580 --> 00:23:06,660
- Jesus, Meggles.
- Oh, sorry.
656
00:23:06,740 --> 00:23:08,700
Do you not have anything else
to talk about, the two of you?
657
00:23:08,780 --> 00:23:10,660
- Oh! Don't you?!
- Oh, us?!
658
00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:12,940
I mean, that is
all you talked about all day
659
00:23:13,020 --> 00:23:15,860
and we just, we just stopped talking
about how many women he slept with.
660
00:23:15,940 --> 00:23:17,660
- Oh my God.
- And now it's how he's watching porn.
661
00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:19,140
Well, this isn't very humiliating.
662
00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:21,100
Well, can you just stop
looking for issues?
663
00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:22,100
- Sorry.
- Oh, wow.
664
00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:24,220
I... I can't be the only person here
who watches porn.
665
00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:26,060
- You're not.
- I watch ethical porn.
666
00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:27,060
Okay, how do you know I don't?
667
00:23:27,140 --> 00:23:28,780
Well, who directed
this morning's piece?
668
00:23:28,860 --> 00:23:29,780
Ah...
669
00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:31,220
Jessie...
670
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,380
Cock... man.
671
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:35,820
Yeah, you got me, Rumi.
672
00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:38,820
Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't stay for
the fuckin' finishing credits.
673
00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:41,060
I fuckin' watch low-grade porn,
was that not clear?
674
00:23:41,140 --> 00:23:42,500
- Wow. Wow.
- Wow yourself.
675
00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:45,060
- Okay, I'm just gonna get the bill.
- You fuck...
676
00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:46,700
Cheers, and also,
677
00:23:46,780 --> 00:23:49,180
it's Gordon, not Jordan.
678
00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:50,180
Who? What, this?
679
00:23:50,260 --> 00:23:51,980
- Yes.
- Don't worry about it.
680
00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:54,420
Don't really know why
I keep coming back to this restaurant.
681
00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:57,380
So.
682
00:23:57,460 --> 00:23:59,060
- Can I have my hat?
- Oh. Yeah.
683
00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:05,300
Take off my hat.
684
00:24:08,420 --> 00:24:10,020
- Take off my hat.
- Guys.
685
00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:15,780
There you go.
686
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:18,540
There it is.
687
00:24:19,380 --> 00:24:20,380
Take it.
688
00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:25,420
- Gordon.
- Hey.
689
00:24:26,660 --> 00:24:27,700
There, take it.
690
00:24:29,580 --> 00:24:31,100
For fuck's sake.
691
00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:33,020
Thanks, Gordon. Helpful.
692
00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:34,460
Very mature, Gordon.
693
00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:38,420
- I'm sorry, Meggles.
- Yep.
694
00:24:45,060 --> 00:24:47,140
Well, that was the worst.
695
00:24:47,220 --> 00:24:48,140
Yep. Yep.
696
00:24:48,220 --> 00:24:49,780
- That was...
- She sucks.
697
00:24:49,860 --> 00:24:53,500
She's not good.
I'm glad I sobered up for her though.
698
00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:55,820
Oh my gosh.
699
00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:00,020
Can I just say that I'm very sorry
that that happened
700
00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:01,900
Can I just say that I'm very sorry
that that happened
701
00:25:01,980 --> 00:25:04,100
with the porn and telling Meggles...
702
00:25:04,180 --> 00:25:05,060
You know what?
703
00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:06,780
Yes, humiliating.
704
00:25:06,860 --> 00:25:08,900
But also, I get it.
705
00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:11,260
I get it. You gotta talk to someone.
706
00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:12,420
And I'm sorry.
707
00:25:13,340 --> 00:25:14,780
Can we talk about it a little bit?
708
00:25:16,020 --> 00:25:17,020
Sure.
709
00:25:17,540 --> 00:25:21,060
I am sorry that it
made you feel weird.
710
00:25:21,140 --> 00:25:22,260
Mm-hmm.
711
00:25:22,340 --> 00:25:25,860
But also, you need to know that
it's not that big a deal to me.
712
00:25:25,940 --> 00:25:29,020
Yeah, it is to me, though,
because I... I just felt
713
00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:30,260
rejected.
714
00:25:30,340 --> 00:25:32,900
It may be silly, but
715
00:25:32,980 --> 00:25:34,860
I just thought we were in, like,
a honeymoon phase, and...
716
00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:36,020
Yeah.
717
00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:38,060
- We are having a lot of sex.
- Yeah.
718
00:25:38,140 --> 00:25:40,700
So I'm just like,
"Why do you need to do that?"
719
00:25:40,780 --> 00:25:42,620
Oh, I didn't need to do it,
it was just something...
720
00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:44,780
It was stupid. It was...
I just did it in the moment.
721
00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:45,980
You know, there was an on-ramp.
722
00:25:46,060 --> 00:25:46,580
- Yeah, the legs.
723
00:25:46,660 --> 00:25:47,660
- You know, and I just
did it for myself.
724
00:25:47,740 --> 00:25:48,620
Yes!
725
00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:50,700
And it's just, it's not about you.
726
00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:51,780
It is though.
727
00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:54,220
Because...
You could have...
728
00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:55,700
We could have hung out instead.
729
00:25:55,780 --> 00:25:57,540
That was the offer, and you... you...
730
00:25:57,620 --> 00:25:58,460
We could have.
731
00:25:58,540 --> 00:26:00,020
I know, but, Ash...
And you're the best...
732
00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:00,620
I know, but, Ash...
And you're the best...
733
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:03,780
But just walking all the way
to the train station
734
00:26:03,860 --> 00:26:05,420
and back again with Colin...
735
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:07,140
He's just so fuckin' slow.
736
00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:08,460
He is slow, bless him.
737
00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:10,540
- I get it.
- Honestly, Ash,
738
00:26:10,620 --> 00:26:12,780
this is a thing that I've done
since I was, what?
739
00:26:12,860 --> 00:26:13,860
Thirteen?
740
00:26:13,940 --> 00:26:15,460
It's a deeply-formed habit.
741
00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:17,580
- Maybe a bad one, I don't know.
- Okay, okay.
742
00:26:19,020 --> 00:26:21,500
I mean, you must
at least occasionally, you know...
743
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,540
- Don't say "flick the bean".
- Flick the bean.
744
00:26:23,620 --> 00:26:24,900
I...
745
00:26:24,980 --> 00:26:27,140
just wouldn't choose it
over time with you.
746
00:26:27,220 --> 00:26:28,780
That's all.
747
00:26:28,860 --> 00:26:30,340
- Right?
- That's fair enough.
748
00:26:30,420 --> 00:26:31,940
That's fair enough.
749
00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:32,860
I... I'm gonna...
750
00:26:32,940 --> 00:26:34,140
I'll be more mindful.
751
00:26:34,220 --> 00:26:35,780
- Oh, will you?
- Yeah.
752
00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:36,740
Like a yogi?
753
00:26:36,820 --> 00:26:39,020
- Yes, like a tantric yogi.
754
00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:40,420
Like Sting.
755
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,420
Okay, I reckon Sting
would go all right.
756
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,380
Oh, mate, Sting goes off.
757
00:26:45,460 --> 00:26:46,940
Without a doubt.
758
00:26:47,820 --> 00:26:49,340
- While we're
on the subject...
759
00:26:49,420 --> 00:26:49,980
- Yeah?
760
00:26:50,060 --> 00:26:53,380
I accidentally jerked off
an elderly man at work today.
761
00:26:56,140 --> 00:26:57,420
- Okay.
- Yeah.
762
00:26:58,180 --> 00:27:00,020
Well, you
know, I mean, that...
763
00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:00,060
Well, you
know, I mean, that...
764
00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:02,060
- That's ethical porn.
- It is.
765
00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:04,300
I mean,
there are no accidents,
766
00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:06,140
so let's just say
I jerked off an elderly man.
767
00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:07,460
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- At work.
768
00:27:07,540 --> 00:27:10,700
It's very hard
to accidentally jerk someone off.
769
00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:13,220
How'd it happen? Is
this real? This actually happened?
770
00:27:13,300 --> 00:27:15,980
It was...
it was a foreskin misunderstanding.
771
00:27:16,060 --> 00:27:18,220
- Oh, is that what happened?
- All right?
772
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:19,740
Yeah, yeah. I mean,
that happens.
773
00:27:19,820 --> 00:27:22,780
?I was doing fine, then I met you ?
774
00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:35,580
?I don't need a sign ?
775
00:27:35,660 --> 00:27:38,580
?What will be will be ?
54511
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