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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:19,860 Did you want leg wax...? 2 00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:21,940 - Wax strips. - Yes. 3 00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:23,100 It's different. 4 00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,860 You know, most people stopped ordering their groceries online 5 00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:28,660 once the pandemic kind of petered out. 6 00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:29,660 Not me, sis. 7 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:31,740 Online groceries and Zoom funerals 8 00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:34,060 are the two great legacies of the spicy cough. 9 00:00:34,140 --> 00:00:36,060 - These ones? - Yeah, they're great. 10 00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:37,020 Yep. Righto. 11 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:39,860 Why are you such a good boy? 12 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:42,300 Think I might jazz up those old pizzas for dinner. 13 00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:44,420 - Are you joking? - No. 14 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,860 I have told you so many times, 15 00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:49,180 we're having dinner with Meggles and her new girlfriend tonight. 16 00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:51,260 Fuck, that's right. Jesus, that was fast. 17 00:00:51,340 --> 00:00:53,380 I know, and I've stalked her on Insta. 18 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:54,420 Not good. 19 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:55,380 Can I get out of it? 20 00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:56,540 Nup, you can't. 21 00:00:57,460 --> 00:00:59,660 All right, not getting any cuter than that. 22 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:00,020 Um... ooh, do you want to walk me to the station? 23 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,500 Um... ooh, do you want to walk me to the station? 24 00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:02,860 I'm early. We could get a coffee. 25 00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:03,860 I'm... 26 00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,380 I've got that lunch with that corporate guy today 27 00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:08,860 and I think I might just have a lay in, if that's all right. 28 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:10,700 Oh. Okay. 29 00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,580 Don't be sad, we're having dinner together. 30 00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:13,980 And we live together. 31 00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:16,060 Okay, well, keep yourself nice at lunch, please. 32 00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:17,380 - I will. - Yeah? Promise. 33 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,580 - I promise. - Okay. 34 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:20,980 Stay fresh, cheese bags. 35 00:01:21,060 --> 00:01:22,060 You too. 36 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:32,140 - Ooh yeah. 37 00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:42,780 - Oh yeah. 38 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:49,420 - Ooh yeah. Ooh! Ooh! 39 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,220 - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 40 00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:58,820 - Hey! 41 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,020 What's up? What's going on? 42 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:00,380 What's up? What's going on? 43 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:01,460 - You forget something? - Yeah. 44 00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:02,700 Yeah, yeah, my cap. 45 00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:03,820 - I forgot my cap. - Oh. 46 00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:04,820 There it is. 47 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,380 There it is. So, cool, got it now. 48 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,460 Cool, cool. 49 00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:10,140 - Got it. - Um... 50 00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:11,100 Were you masturbating? 51 00:02:11,180 --> 00:02:12,140 Hey? 52 00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,660 Were you... were you having a wank? 53 00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:15,060 No! 54 00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:16,820 No, I... no, I... sorry, no. 55 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:19,180 I was just taking my pants off to get in the shower. 56 00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:20,900 - Was just about to jump up and do that. 57 00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:21,860 - Ah, yeah. 58 00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:25,100 Yeah. 'Cause porn came through my Air Pods downstairs. 59 00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:27,340 Did they? That's weird. That's so strange. 60 00:02:27,420 --> 00:02:29,580 I'd look into that 'cause that's maybe a Bluetooth thing. 61 00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:32,940 I do have some neighbours, actually, who, sometimes we get crossed. 62 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,740 And they've got some pretty weird, um... 63 00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,540 I don't know, whatever they get up to. 64 00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:38,100 No judgement, but, um... 65 00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,660 no judgement, but, um... 66 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:40,900 - Yeah. - Yeah. 67 00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:41,820 Yeah. 68 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,940 - So weird. - Yep. 69 00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:45,140 Yeah... 70 00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:46,340 - Yep. - Ah. 71 00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:50,820 Sorry, I was. I was. 72 00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:53,620 I was. Is that bad? 73 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,380 Nope. 74 00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,900 Nah, I'm... I'm pretty cool with that kind of thing. 75 00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,780 Oh. Oh, cool. 76 00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:00,020 Yeah, yeah. 77 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:00,900 Yeah, yeah. 78 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,980 Just, um... in front of the dog, though. 79 00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:05,100 I mean, yeah. He's a little bit close. 80 00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:06,460 But I mean, he's not... 81 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,500 I mean, to be clear, he was not a part of it. 82 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,620 I forgot he was there, if anything. 83 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,820 Now I think of it, though, we did have sex last night. 84 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,060 Yeah, we did, and it was great. 85 00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:15,260 - Was it? - I thought so. 86 00:03:15,340 --> 00:03:16,500 Yeah. 87 00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:19,260 No, no, no, it's cool. It's just that, yeah. 88 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:20,500 James never did this, 89 00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:22,340 so I'm like, yeah, it's a bit new for me. 90 00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:25,020 Excuse me, yes, he did. 91 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,140 No, he told me that 92 00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:28,140 he never watched porn or masturbated. 93 00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:29,940 Oh, well, ah, he lied. 94 00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,700 He lied to you. James is a liar. 95 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,700 Cool. Yeah, all right. 96 00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:37,500 Just so you know, there was an on-ramp. 97 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:38,700 Like, the... the, um... 98 00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:41,900 the wax strips box that I was buying for you 99 00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:45,500 had some very leggy, sexy legs on it, and it just... 100 00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:47,100 It got in there, you know, and that's... 101 00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:48,300 And so there was an on-ramp. 102 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,140 This didn't just come out of nowhere. 103 00:03:50,220 --> 00:03:51,860 Oh yeah, like I said, fine. 104 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,300 You sure you're fine? You don't seem fine. 105 00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,740 Hey, the box. The legs. It's chill. 106 00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,020 Catch ya. 107 00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:00,180 Catch ya. 108 00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:04,060 She's not fine. 109 00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:06,140 And you are a bit close. 110 00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:32,100 I don't... I feel rejected, Meggles, 111 00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:34,260 on, like, every level. 112 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,380 You know, they say 113 00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:37,820 the first three months of every relationship 114 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,180 is unpacking your last one. 115 00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:40,900 So, for you, that's... 116 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:44,100 that's you working out the ways that James fucked you up. 117 00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,020 Yeah. 118 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,180 And I guess Gordon's, like, 119 00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:49,540 letting go of being by himself. 120 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,860 These relationship podcasts are really good, babe. 121 00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:52,940 I know, right? 122 00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:54,220 - Hey, James. 123 00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:55,740 Hey, girls. 124 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,020 - What? - Nothing. 125 00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:00,940 - What? - Nothing. 126 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:03,780 What's going on there? 127 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,660 Uh, it's my girlfriend, Rumi Cashmere. 128 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,020 Okay, just want you to know. 129 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,620 - Not her real name. - It is. 130 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:10,700 It is. 131 00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:13,420 Okay... 132 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,180 You have a girlfriend? Holy shit. 133 00:05:15,260 --> 00:05:18,060 Yeah, she broke up with Chiara like, oh, shit, 134 00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:19,540 three minutes ago. 135 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,500 - Why are you being a bitch? - I'm not. I'm not. 136 00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:22,820 You are. 137 00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:23,780 So, 138 00:05:23,860 --> 00:05:25,900 can you not just be excited that I've met someone 139 00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:27,060 who I actually really like? 140 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:29,900 Okay, I'm just saying that that hat is a beige flag. 141 00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:30,940 Ash! 142 00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:32,020 Okay. Okay. 143 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,180 I'm getting a coke. 144 00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:37,420 Fuck you. 145 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:39,980 Love you. 146 00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:47,980 What? What's up? 147 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:52,340 You told me that you didn't jerk off. 148 00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,580 Okay... 149 00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:57,580 So, was that a lie? Like, I'm just wondering. 150 00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,700 You know, when you stop going out with someone, 151 00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:00,020 the general rule is, you stop acting crazy with them. 152 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,500 the general rule is, you stop acting crazy with them. 153 00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:05,180 No, that's... that's not the rule, actually. 154 00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:08,300 Room 12. 155 00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:09,940 Mr Robson's waiting for a catheter. 156 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,500 Right. 157 00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:13,820 Chop-chop. 158 00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:14,900 I'm coming. 159 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,860 I said I never watched porn. 160 00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:26,300 I never said I didn't... masturbate. 161 00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:29,220 So, what do you... do you watch then? 162 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,460 Um, nothing. 163 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,780 Just use my brain. 164 00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:33,540 Things I saw. People I used to be with. 165 00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:40,260 That is cool. That's pretty cool then. 166 00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:41,660 - Mm. - Yeah? 167 00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:53,220 So we do. 168 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,300 We go up Sunday morning to do boogie boarding out here 169 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:56,260 and it just goes off. 170 00:06:56,340 --> 00:06:57,780 - You and me? - Absolute... yeah, no, yeah. 171 00:06:57,860 --> 00:06:59,500 Another glass of the Chablis for either of you? 172 00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:00,020 - Yeah. - No. 173 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:00,740 - Yeah. - No. 174 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,540 We'll, ah... we'll get a bottle, love. Ta. 175 00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:03,460 Of course. 176 00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:04,540 - There we go. - Cheers, mate. 177 00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:05,900 These bugs will change your life, mate. 178 00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,260 - Get stuck in. - Sure... 179 00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,980 - Yeah. - Thank you. 180 00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:10,180 Mate. 181 00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:11,300 Thanks for making the time, man. 182 00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:13,140 Oh, mate, it's... it's my pleasure, Jared. 183 00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:16,740 It's nice to finally put a face to the incessant phone calls and emails. 184 00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:17,660 Yeah. 185 00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,500 Look, I am enthusiastic about my job. 186 00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:20,420 - Guilty of that, yeah. - Yeah. 187 00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,260 Which is what, exactly? 188 00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:23,420 Oh. 189 00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:26,580 - "Chief Growth Officer." - Yeah. 190 00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,020 Not what the missus would say, mate. 191 00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:31,700 - Ha. 192 00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,980 Yeah, nah, I started in finance, did that whole thing, 193 00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:36,420 bit of time at Cadbury-Schweppes, 194 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,500 ah, the integrity unit at the NRL, 195 00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:39,820 bit of time at Channel 9, 196 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,180 few Logies after parties, mate, 197 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,340 and now we're at Lion Australia, which is fantastic. 198 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:45,460 - Oh, that's great. - Yeah. 199 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,820 Hey, Jared, it's so nice to be wined and dined 200 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,580 - on the company card, obviously. - All right, yeah. 201 00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:51,780 But what did...? Did you have a proposal, or...? 202 00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:53,340 Not into the foreplay, big fella? 203 00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:54,860 - Well... - Okay, good on ya, mate. 204 00:07:55,460 --> 00:07:56,980 Look, we just wanted to get in front of you, man, 205 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,500 and say what a fan we are of what you're doing and your beer. 206 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,020 - Ah. - We think you're special. 207 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:00,740 - Ah. - We think you're special. 208 00:08:00,820 --> 00:08:02,220 We think you're an outlier in the field, 209 00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,140 and, ah, mate, we want to do business with you. 210 00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,140 - Really? - Yeah. 211 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:07,980 So what we do, man... I'll give you the speel. 212 00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:08,900 Yep. 213 00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:11,180 We deliver strong branding communication campaigns 214 00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,620 that deliver vertical integration and portfolio growth. 215 00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:14,900 - Right. - So, say no more. 216 00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:15,820 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 217 00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,420 Well, say a bit more 'cause I don't really know what that means. 218 00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,540 - Wait for this. You ready? - Yep. 219 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,580 We want to buy your brewery. 220 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,260 Bang. 221 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,540 Big bang, mate. 222 00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:29,860 - Yeah, right. - There it is. 223 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,020 There it is. 224 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:33,180 Your life just changed. 225 00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:35,060 - Mm. - What are you driving? 226 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,620 - I drive... - Not anymore. 227 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,340 - Good on you, mate. - Oh, okay. 228 00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:40,860 What a special moment for you. 229 00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:41,940 Yeah... 230 00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,580 - Oh yeah. - Yep. 231 00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:45,540 Oh yeah! 232 00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:47,780 - Oh yeah, mate. - Yes, yes. 233 00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:51,980 Let's get you a bit more comfortable, hey, Mr Robson? 234 00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:52,940 Thank you. 235 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:55,100 Got the best girls on the job. 236 00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:56,660 That's right. 237 00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:00,020 - Hey, regarding tonight? - Yep? 238 00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:01,740 - Hey, regarding tonight? - Yep? 239 00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:03,860 Just promise me you'll be nice, Ash. 240 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,460 Yeah. 241 00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:07,220 Can I get more than a "yeah"? 242 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:08,740 Yeah, I promise. 243 00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:12,740 It just really matters to me that you like her. 244 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,940 Mm-hmm. Are you okay there, Mr Robson? 245 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:15,980 Marvellous. 246 00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:17,140 Okay. 247 00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:21,820 Just not sure... 248 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:22,740 What? 249 00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:24,340 I'm just... I'm just trying to... 250 00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:25,780 Um... 251 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,300 What are you doing? 252 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,940 Oh, hello. I'm inserting a catheter. 253 00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:34,300 No, but what are you doing there? 254 00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:37,140 I'm, um, just pulling back your husband's foreskin 255 00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:38,420 to insert the catheter. 256 00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:40,660 He's circumcised. 257 00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,380 No! He's what? 258 00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:44,820 My husband is circumcised. 259 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,180 Oh, yeah, I see that. 260 00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,700 Go away, Mary. 261 00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:54,900 You could have said something. 262 00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:57,580 It's my birthday today. 263 00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:00,020 Great. Happy birthday, mate. 264 00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:00,340 Great. Happy birthday, mate. 265 00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,660 - Many happy returns, Mr Robson. - Thank you. 266 00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:04,860 Hey, let's talk numbers, all right? 267 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:05,900 Okay. 268 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,340 How many taps you on? 269 00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:08,860 - Let's see. - I'll tell ya. Three. 270 00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:11,140 And you're in four independent bottle shops 271 00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:12,940 and you just lost the JetRex deal. 272 00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:13,860 To us. 273 00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:15,220 Sounds like you've done your research, Jared. 274 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,060 We just want to throw you a lifeline, mate. 275 00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:18,500 We know it's your baby, 276 00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,540 but there's certain economic realities, all right? 277 00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:22,540 That you created, Jared. 278 00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,340 We do not want to squeeze you, man. 279 00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:25,620 But you're gonna have no choice soon. 280 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,460 You're a polar bear on a bit of ice, bruv. 281 00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:28,380 Yes, we are, 282 00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,100 and you're fuckin' climate change, can't you see that? 283 00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,700 Oh, I appreciate that. Climate change is real, man. Seriously. 284 00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,660 - Yes, it is. - Yeah. Yeah. 285 00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:36,300 - Yes, it actually is. - Totally. 286 00:10:37,780 --> 00:10:38,820 I can't tell whether you're trying to 287 00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,620 kiss me or fuck me here, Jared, to be honest. 288 00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:41,900 - Why not a bit of both? - Sure. 289 00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,420 But can you see my problem? 290 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,820 Like, there's two behemoths buying up all the craft beer in Australia, 291 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:46,900 all the money goes to Japan... 292 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:47,820 Konnichiwa. 293 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:49,620 And I can't get my beer anywhere, mate, 294 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,740 because you guys have monopolised the entire thing. 295 00:10:51,820 --> 00:10:53,060 - Shit yeah. Shit yeah. - Yeah. 296 00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:54,140 Even the old pubs. 297 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,660 Especially the old pubs. Yeah, we got them ages ago. 298 00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,900 'Course you did. 299 00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:58,980 Look, mate. 300 00:11:00,140 --> 00:11:01,860 - Maybe I wasn't clear. Sorry. - Mm. 301 00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:03,660 We don't want to change a thing. 302 00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:05,220 - Don't you? - No. No. 303 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,420 You're the conductor of the orchestra, we're just... 304 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,500 we own the opera house. 305 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,260 We just wanna make you rich, man. 306 00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:12,860 - I'm security. - Mm? 307 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,300 You're a terrorist. 308 00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:16,300 - And I'm letting you in... - Ah. 309 00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:17,380 Let's blow some shit up. 310 00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:18,900 - Right. Yeah. 311 00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:20,380 - You're just the coach of the Rabbitohs. 312 00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:22,900 I'm Russell Crowe in the box having party pies. 313 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:24,820 I'm worried about Gladiator and shit. 314 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:25,980 - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 315 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,780 And you're down there going, "Get him back." 316 00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,060 "Run the field." 317 00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:30,700 - Yeah. - "Get Greg forward." 318 00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:32,100 - Yeah. - And I'm just up in the box 319 00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:34,060 - trying to connect with my son. - Yeah. 320 00:11:34,140 --> 00:11:35,540 - You get it. - Yeah, I get it. 321 00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:37,220 - I mean, I think I... - Now, we're cool. 322 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,420 - Let me... all right, hey, now? - Yeah? 323 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,620 Let me take you somewhere special. 324 00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:45,460 They do a good nachos here. 325 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:47,580 Oh yeah? 326 00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:51,540 They'll do chicken or beef or whatever. 327 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:53,500 Do you want to get some? 328 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,420 Is that all right? 329 00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:58,140 Yeah, get out. Go on. 330 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:00,020 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 331 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,620 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 332 00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:04,300 I think James thinks about me when he masturbates. 333 00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:05,700 - Excuse me? - Yeah. 334 00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:07,660 He told me that he doesn't use porn, 335 00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:10,380 he just thinks about people he was with. 336 00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:11,340 That's pretty cool. 337 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:12,900 What? 338 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:15,380 What? You hated male masturbation this morning. 339 00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:19,580 Yeah, but if I feature in it, like, that's pretty cool. 340 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:21,540 A word please, Ashley. 341 00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:23,060 We've had a complaint 342 00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:26,300 from a Mrs Mary Robson. 343 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:28,620 - Are you kidding? 344 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:31,020 - Not a laughing matter, Megan. - Mm? 345 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,260 Sorry, Gene. 346 00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:38,940 Mr Robson, though. 347 00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,220 That's pretty cool. 348 00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,460 I don't sound like that. 349 00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:43,860 - That's pretty cool. - Shut up. 350 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,820 - Probably head off... - Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus? 351 00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:54,660 Shit, um, probably Taylor. 352 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,140 I'm Miley. She frightens me and I love it, man. 353 00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:58,780 - Do ya? - Oh yeah. 354 00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,020 Oh, Crystal, well done! 355 00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:01,380 Oh, Crystal, well done! 356 00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:03,660 Athletes, mate. They're athletes. 357 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,980 How often can you get this close to athletes? 358 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,020 - In their prime? - Yep. 359 00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,980 I mean, this is LeBron courtside. 360 00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:13,140 - Isn't it? - Yep. 361 00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:18,220 Righto, Crys, that's great. Good stuff. 362 00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:20,620 That's from both of us. We're celebrating. 363 00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:24,340 Now, Batman or Superman? 364 00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:26,820 Batman, probably. 365 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:28,260 Oh, yeah, easy. 366 00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:29,700 Robert Pattinson Batman. 367 00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:31,140 - Really? - Yeah. 368 00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,660 You reckon? 369 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:33,740 Yeah... 370 00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:39,340 Do you reckon you prefer to breathe underwater or just fly? 371 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:44,660 Ashley, I need to know exactly what happened. 372 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,780 Mrs Robson's very upset. 373 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,380 I was trying to pull back his foreskin, okay? 374 00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:52,140 There was a lot of excess skin around the head. 375 00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:53,060 He's circumcised. 376 00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:55,700 Yeah, I mean, take that up with his childhood doctor. 377 00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,620 Gene, his penis is a mess. 378 00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,420 I beg your pardon, Mrs Robson. 379 00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:02,180 Oh, come on... 380 00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:04,180 I'm so sorry, Mrs Robson. 381 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,980 Look, if you'd like to go back and wait in the lounge, 382 00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:07,780 I'll be with you in just a moment. 383 00:14:10,420 --> 00:14:12,500 Now, I'm not sure what's worse. 384 00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:14,220 Your overall conduct 385 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,420 or the fact that you're a sixth-year medical student 386 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,380 who can't tell whether a penis has been circumcised or not. 387 00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:20,940 Do you need to see the slideshow again? 388 00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,420 No, please. 389 00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,540 Lot of paperwork here. 390 00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:27,020 This is a sexual assault complaint. 391 00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:29,300 Gene, do you know how many times I've been felt up 392 00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:31,620 by men exactly like him? 393 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,620 - How many? - Too many. 394 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:37,180 Well, maybe your manner's a bit whiffy? 395 00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:39,180 You're being too sexy. 396 00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:43,500 Do you want to take that back, Gene? 397 00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,140 I do. 398 00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:47,300 Can I go now? 399 00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:48,460 Yes, you can go. 400 00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:50,380 I'll sort this out. 401 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,380 Okay, good. Thank you. 402 00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:56,900 All right, good. 403 00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,020 All the good girls have been on anyway. 404 00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:00,260 All the good girls have been on anyway. 405 00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:01,420 Yeah, totally. 406 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:04,820 Oi, let's go to the driving range. I've got a spare set in the car. 407 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,380 Oh, mate, I... I don't know. 408 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:07,700 What don't you know? 409 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:09,700 I don't know about everything, do you know what I mean? 410 00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:12,620 I don't know if this is a good fit for us, to be honest. 411 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,900 - A good fit? - Yeah, sorry, man. 412 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:18,260 It was a pretty good fit when you ordered a $200 bottle of sticky. 413 00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:20,220 - You said "help yourself", mate. - And you did. 414 00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:21,620 - Cockhead. - I'm a cockhead? 415 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:22,580 Yes, you are a cockhead. 416 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,260 You're dank, mate. 417 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,060 That place was dank. 418 00:15:26,140 --> 00:15:27,940 - You're fucked, mate. - I'm fucked? 419 00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:28,980 - Yeah. - No, you're literally fucked. 420 00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,100 You're brewery's closed in 12 months, mate. You got nothing. 421 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,500 - No, mate, I've got plenty. - Yeah? Hit me. 422 00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:34,540 And it's mine, all right? So, fuck ya. 423 00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:35,780 Here we go! Yeah, you're fuckin'... 424 00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:37,180 Yeah, here we go. Here we fuckin' go, mate. 425 00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:38,540 - Yeah, yeah, come on, mate! 426 00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:39,940 - Nah, nah, not here, fellas. 427 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,780 - Take it down the road. - Fuck you, mate. 428 00:15:41,860 --> 00:15:44,220 - If you fuckin'... 429 00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,340 You fuckin' prick! 430 00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:47,420 - Here we go! Here we go! 431 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,340 - This is helping. - This is good. 432 00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:50,780 Feel the cold. 433 00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:51,900 Be the cold. 434 00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,300 Brr, this is good. 435 00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:54,260 Oh, shit. 436 00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:56,340 I... This is unbelievable. 437 00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:57,420 You are wasted. 438 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,980 - No, Ash, no, I'm sober. - It's all good, I'm working on him. 439 00:15:59,060 --> 00:15:59,900 Don't worry, all right? 440 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:00,020 Where did you go? What did you do? 441 00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:01,260 Where did you go? What did you do? 442 00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:03,580 Ah, well, I went, ah... it was just lunch. 443 00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:05,700 But then, honestly, Jared took me to a strip club. 444 00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:07,060 - Which one? - Are you joking? 445 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,260 - Crazy Girls. - Ah, yeah. 446 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,620 Uh, no, but it was... I didn't like it. 447 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,860 Don't be mad. It was... it was really dank. 448 00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:14,500 Yeah, no, I can back that up. 449 00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:16,420 Ash, he's not really a strip club guy. 450 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,700 He's more a play-the-pokies guy. 451 00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:19,020 - That's true. - Oh, cool. 452 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,020 What a catch. 453 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,540 You're supposed to clean the bin, you guys. 454 00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:26,060 - Disgusting. 455 00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:28,860 - Gordon, what is that? - What? 456 00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,740 That is a fuckin' rat! 457 00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:31,740 - What? - Oh, shit. 458 00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:32,980 - Oh, fuck! - No, no, that's half a rat. 459 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,940 - Oh, no, no! - Oh my God. Oh my God. 460 00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,060 - Oh no! It's like a yoyo. 461 00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:38,820 Fuckin' hell! Is that... 462 00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:40,740 - Holy shit! - Ah! 463 00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:44,900 - No, he's good. - I can't breathe. 464 00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:46,500 He's good. He's all fine. He's fine. 465 00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:49,460 Great. I'm gonna go get changed. 466 00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,020 Sorry. 467 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:00,100 Sorry. 468 00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:01,820 - Are you right? - I am. I promise I am. 469 00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,620 I had a coffee. I'm good, I'm good. 470 00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,340 - Sort it out. - Yeah. 471 00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:07,740 - Ooh, there they are. - Okay. 472 00:17:07,820 --> 00:17:09,620 - Hello. - Hi. 473 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,940 Ashy, this is Rumi. 474 00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:13,260 I've heard so much. 475 00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:15,220 Same, girl, same. Oh my God. 476 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,860 - Oh. - Oh my God. 477 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,460 You are such a good person. 478 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,460 - You're such a great hugger. - I'll take one of those. 479 00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,260 - This is Gordon, my boyfriend. 480 00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:26,180 - Hi. - Hi. 481 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,900 - Ooh! - Ah, oh. 482 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,060 - Covid elbow? - Oh. 483 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:30,300 - I don't know. 484 00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,660 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - No, it's fine. 485 00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:33,780 Yeah, he's never met a woman before. 486 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,860 - Sit down, sit down. - Mm. 487 00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,260 - I haven't been here before. - Do you want to...? 488 00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:40,420 But I've heard it's, yep. 489 00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,220 Mm, it smells good. 490 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,380 Do you know, I actually think this was my grandmother's house? 491 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,340 No way! 492 00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:48,580 Yeah, this was the old post office and she used to live upstairs. 493 00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:49,700 - Oh. - Wow. 494 00:17:49,780 --> 00:17:52,340 My grandmother was the first female postmaster-general. 495 00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:53,660 Uh-huh? 496 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,620 - Postmistress, I suppose. - Yeah. 497 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,580 Communication, you know? 498 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:58,500 Legacy. 499 00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,020 - Oh my God, that's beautiful. - Yeah. 500 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,620 - Yeah, right. - Amazing. 501 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,740 Hello, folks. Here you go. 502 00:18:03,820 --> 00:18:04,900 Can I... can I just ask, 503 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:07,260 did this used to be the old post office? 504 00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:08,540 Um, I can ask? 505 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,060 No, it's okay. I know it is. 506 00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:11,700 - You know when you can feel something? 507 00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:12,340 - Yeah. 508 00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:13,860 - Thank you. - Yeah. 509 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,300 Love that. Welcome to Shwa` 510 00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:17,500 Have you dined with us before? 511 00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:18,780 I have. I know that 512 00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:20,180 your menu goes from small to big, 513 00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:21,540 the numbers are prices, 514 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,260 and, ah, your pronouns are he/him. 515 00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:24,220 So sorry. 516 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,740 God, we would never assume anyone's pronouns. We... 517 00:18:26,820 --> 00:18:28,780 No, no, no, I'm not. No, he told me that like a month ago. 518 00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:29,940 Oh, it's really sweet of you, 519 00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:32,300 but they're actually he/they now. 520 00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:33,380 Yes! 521 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:34,740 - Go off, King. - Thank you. 522 00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:36,660 - I'll give you guys a minute. 523 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:37,780 - Could we...? - Sure. 524 00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:38,900 Thank you. 525 00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:42,020 Oh my God! 526 00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:44,460 Negroni spagliato with prosecco with it? Yes! 527 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:45,780 Need, need, need. 528 00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:47,780 Shall I get a round for the table? Let's do this. 529 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,860 Have you got my hat? 530 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,900 - Sorry, what? - My hat? 531 00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:53,300 No, no, I gave it to the waiter. 532 00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,060 Who, the... that guy? 533 00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:56,220 - Yes. - Oh. 534 00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,220 - Sorry... 535 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,340 No, no, no, absolutely fine. Um... 536 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:00,020 It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage, I'm just gonna... 537 00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:01,500 It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage, I'm just gonna... 538 00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:02,540 Give me one second. 539 00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:03,820 Sorry, hi! 540 00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:05,860 - Gordon. - Sorry. I'm sorry, Meggles. 541 00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,500 No, it's fine. She just, she likes her hat. 542 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,940 Yeah, it's great. 543 00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:09,900 Isn't she great? 544 00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:11,020 - Yes. 545 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:14,260 - She is... - She's great. She's fun, and... - Yeah. 546 00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:17,540 Everybody, relax. Whoo! 547 00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,700 - There we go. My God. - Yeah, she's back. 548 00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:21,420 I actually also wonder, 549 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,420 so what I think we should start with, tell me what you think? 550 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,220 Do you mind if I order? Can I be that person? 551 00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:26,340 - Please do. - Fantastic. 552 00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,060 - Be that person. - Do they have a hat rack? 553 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:29,380 - I'm joking. 554 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:30,620 It's a joke. 555 00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,300 You know, I saw my mother, I saw my sisters, 556 00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:38,700 I don't even have any sisters, 557 00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:41,660 but I cannot recommend Ayahuasca enough, you know? 558 00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:44,220 Mm, they have that in the Blue Mountains, I think. 559 00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,820 Oh, no, not the same. 560 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:46,740 - Not the same. - No? 561 00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:49,100 No, you have to do it in South America, otherwise, what? 562 00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,060 - Sure. 563 00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:52,300 Guys, do you know, I've got a mate who does ketamine therapy? 564 00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:55,100 And so, for 45 minutes, he goes in and gets injected with ketamine, 565 00:19:55,180 --> 00:19:57,340 and then, um, he's out, completely out, 566 00:19:57,420 --> 00:20:00,020 and he wakes up and he, he has a cry, and then... 567 00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:00,140 and he wakes up and he, he has a cry, and then... 568 00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:03,500 But you've got texts to do, so not a problem. 569 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,060 You had enough to eat, baby? 570 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,420 - Yeah, I'm okay, baby. - Mmm. Come here. 571 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:13,500 Tell you what, the Rogan Josh is amazing. 572 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:14,580 - Mm! - Really... 573 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:15,500 - Best thing. - Yeah. 574 00:20:15,580 --> 00:20:16,700 It's good, right? 575 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:19,580 It's good. I mean, street food in India is better, but... 576 00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:21,420 - Have you been? - Oh, many times. 577 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,580 Many, many times. 578 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:24,620 - Really? - Yeah. God yeah. 579 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,780 India's really interesting, right? As a place. 580 00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,860 Because, of course, my last name is Cashmere, 581 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:33,060 and so that is actually originating in the Kashmir district. 582 00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:36,820 I actually consider myself Kashmiri. 583 00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,500 Yeah, but you're not Indian. 584 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,540 Not in my roots, but... 585 00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:45,180 Yeah. But, I mean, are... are you? 586 00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:48,100 'Cause I'm... I'm Sri Lankan actually. 587 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,340 - Yeah. - Mm. 588 00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:51,580 I know that, baby. I know that. 589 00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:54,620 I'm just saying, you know, street food, better in the Kashmiri district. 590 00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:57,500 Mm. 591 00:20:58,740 --> 00:21:00,020 I can't wait to travel with you. 592 00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:01,260 I can't wait to travel with you. 593 00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,820 - I'm really looking forward to it. 594 00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:06,060 I love you. 595 00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:08,420 So proud of you. 596 00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:11,420 I've just stopped voting now 597 00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:14,700 'cause I think that's the best use of my voice right now. 598 00:21:14,780 --> 00:21:17,980 And I said to her, "That's clearly because you didn't breastfeed him, 599 00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:20,180 and now you can't trust him." 600 00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:23,580 And I thought, this is it, and I wet my pants in protest. 601 00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:26,220 I don't believe in pets as a concept. 602 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,740 That is essentially slavery to me. 603 00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:31,340 And then after all that, 604 00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:33,700 had to stop playing trombone. 605 00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:35,900 And my doctor, Susan, said 606 00:21:35,980 --> 00:21:38,220 that I actually have two uteruses. 607 00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:40,300 - Uterine didelphys. Studied that. - Yeah, we studied it. 608 00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:43,860 And when Susan diagnosed me, she actually broke down crying 609 00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:46,420 because her mother had dual uteri, right, 610 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:52,180 and Susan's mum had lost her twin at birth, 611 00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:53,620 and get this, 612 00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:57,540 Susan's mum had named the deceased baby Rumi. 613 00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:58,580 - Whoa. 614 00:21:58,660 --> 00:21:59,620 I know! I know! 615 00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:00,020 When she said that, we cried, 616 00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:01,060 When she said that, we cried, 617 00:22:01,140 --> 00:22:03,420 we hugged, and the clock on the wall actually stopped. 618 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,780 Oh, shut up! 619 00:22:04,860 --> 00:22:06,300 - Excuse me? - Shut the fuck up. 620 00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:08,660 - I beg your pardon?! - Sorry, I'm so sorry. 621 00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,260 But fucking come on, Meggles, please. 622 00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:11,220 Wow. 623 00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:12,980 Wow, you little boy. 624 00:22:13,060 --> 00:22:15,980 - I'm a little boy? - Yeah, you're a little boy. - Am I? 625 00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:18,540 What, 'cause I'm not trying to fuck you, I've got to keep my mouth shut? 626 00:22:18,620 --> 00:22:20,220 - What? - Whoa, okay, Rumi. 627 00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:22,020 - I think that's not it, actually. - Really? 628 00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:22,980 - No. - Really? 629 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:25,340 If I can, I think what it is, is that you haven't asked he or I 630 00:22:25,420 --> 00:22:26,660 a single question all night. 631 00:22:26,740 --> 00:22:27,660 Oh, Ashley, come on. 632 00:22:27,740 --> 00:22:29,220 - No, it's true. - Ah, Ash... 633 00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:30,660 You can pipe in at any point. 634 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:31,580 - That's exactly how conversation works. 635 00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:32,260 - Yeah. 636 00:22:32,340 --> 00:22:33,300 - In what space? - Yeah. 637 00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:36,580 You go on and on and on with these insanely uncheckable stories. 638 00:22:36,660 --> 00:22:37,900 They're checkable! They're all checkable. 639 00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:41,060 No, actually, Rumi, I think the genius of you is that they're not. 640 00:22:41,140 --> 00:22:42,020 - Huh. - Huh. 641 00:22:42,100 --> 00:22:43,060 - Wow. - Wow. 642 00:22:43,140 --> 00:22:46,140 Jordan, I am sure you've heard this a million times, 643 00:22:46,220 --> 00:22:49,100 but you have a garden variety Madonna Whore complex. 644 00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:50,260 - OK, I don't think we need to say that. 645 00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:50,940 - Nope, first time. 646 00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:53,260 Really? Wow, if you can't see it, it's very clear to me. 647 00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:54,660 - Hey, don't... - In this situation, what am I? 648 00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:55,580 Madonna or Whore? 649 00:22:55,660 --> 00:22:57,020 - Well, you're in... - Please, tell me. 650 00:22:57,100 --> 00:22:59,260 A heteronormative domestic partnership, 651 00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:00,020 so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna, 652 00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:01,180 so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna, 653 00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:03,300 and that's the reason that he still looks at porn. 654 00:23:03,380 --> 00:23:04,500 Oh, fuckin' what? 655 00:23:04,580 --> 00:23:06,660 - Jesus, Meggles. - Oh, sorry. 656 00:23:06,740 --> 00:23:08,700 Do you not have anything else to talk about, the two of you? 657 00:23:08,780 --> 00:23:10,660 - Oh! Don't you?! - Oh, us?! 658 00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:12,940 I mean, that is all you talked about all day 659 00:23:13,020 --> 00:23:15,860 and we just, we just stopped talking about how many women he slept with. 660 00:23:15,940 --> 00:23:17,660 - Oh my God. - And now it's how he's watching porn. 661 00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:19,140 Well, this isn't very humiliating. 662 00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:21,100 Well, can you just stop looking for issues? 663 00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:22,100 - Sorry. - Oh, wow. 664 00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:24,220 I... I can't be the only person here who watches porn. 665 00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:26,060 - You're not. - I watch ethical porn. 666 00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:27,060 Okay, how do you know I don't? 667 00:23:27,140 --> 00:23:28,780 Well, who directed this morning's piece? 668 00:23:28,860 --> 00:23:29,780 Ah... 669 00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:31,220 Jessie... 670 00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,380 Cock... man. 671 00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:35,820 Yeah, you got me, Rumi. 672 00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:38,820 Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't stay for the fuckin' finishing credits. 673 00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:41,060 I fuckin' watch low-grade porn, was that not clear? 674 00:23:41,140 --> 00:23:42,500 - Wow. Wow. - Wow yourself. 675 00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:45,060 - Okay, I'm just gonna get the bill. - You fuck... 676 00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:46,700 Cheers, and also, 677 00:23:46,780 --> 00:23:49,180 it's Gordon, not Jordan. 678 00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:50,180 Who? What, this? 679 00:23:50,260 --> 00:23:51,980 - Yes. - Don't worry about it. 680 00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:54,420 Don't really know why I keep coming back to this restaurant. 681 00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:57,380 So. 682 00:23:57,460 --> 00:23:59,060 - Can I have my hat? - Oh. Yeah. 683 00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:05,300 Take off my hat. 684 00:24:08,420 --> 00:24:10,020 - Take off my hat. - Guys. 685 00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:15,780 There you go. 686 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:18,540 There it is. 687 00:24:19,380 --> 00:24:20,380 Take it. 688 00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:25,420 - Gordon. - Hey. 689 00:24:26,660 --> 00:24:27,700 There, take it. 690 00:24:29,580 --> 00:24:31,100 For fuck's sake. 691 00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:33,020 Thanks, Gordon. Helpful. 692 00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:34,460 Very mature, Gordon. 693 00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:38,420 - I'm sorry, Meggles. - Yep. 694 00:24:45,060 --> 00:24:47,140 Well, that was the worst. 695 00:24:47,220 --> 00:24:48,140 Yep. Yep. 696 00:24:48,220 --> 00:24:49,780 - That was... - She sucks. 697 00:24:49,860 --> 00:24:53,500 She's not good. I'm glad I sobered up for her though. 698 00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:55,820 Oh my gosh. 699 00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:00,020 Can I just say that I'm very sorry that that happened 700 00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:01,900 Can I just say that I'm very sorry that that happened 701 00:25:01,980 --> 00:25:04,100 with the porn and telling Meggles... 702 00:25:04,180 --> 00:25:05,060 You know what? 703 00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:06,780 Yes, humiliating. 704 00:25:06,860 --> 00:25:08,900 But also, I get it. 705 00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:11,260 I get it. You gotta talk to someone. 706 00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:12,420 And I'm sorry. 707 00:25:13,340 --> 00:25:14,780 Can we talk about it a little bit? 708 00:25:16,020 --> 00:25:17,020 Sure. 709 00:25:17,540 --> 00:25:21,060 I am sorry that it made you feel weird. 710 00:25:21,140 --> 00:25:22,260 Mm-hmm. 711 00:25:22,340 --> 00:25:25,860 But also, you need to know that it's not that big a deal to me. 712 00:25:25,940 --> 00:25:29,020 Yeah, it is to me, though, because I... I just felt 713 00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:30,260 rejected. 714 00:25:30,340 --> 00:25:32,900 It may be silly, but 715 00:25:32,980 --> 00:25:34,860 I just thought we were in, like, a honeymoon phase, and... 716 00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:36,020 Yeah. 717 00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:38,060 - We are having a lot of sex. - Yeah. 718 00:25:38,140 --> 00:25:40,700 So I'm just like, "Why do you need to do that?" 719 00:25:40,780 --> 00:25:42,620 Oh, I didn't need to do it, it was just something... 720 00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:44,780 It was stupid. It was... I just did it in the moment. 721 00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:45,980 You know, there was an on-ramp. 722 00:25:46,060 --> 00:25:46,580 - Yeah, the legs. 723 00:25:46,660 --> 00:25:47,660 - You know, and I just did it for myself. 724 00:25:47,740 --> 00:25:48,620 Yes! 725 00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:50,700 And it's just, it's not about you. 726 00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:51,780 It is though. 727 00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:54,220 Because... You could have... 728 00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:55,700 We could have hung out instead. 729 00:25:55,780 --> 00:25:57,540 That was the offer, and you... you... 730 00:25:57,620 --> 00:25:58,460 We could have. 731 00:25:58,540 --> 00:26:00,020 I know, but, Ash... And you're the best... 732 00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:00,620 I know, but, Ash... And you're the best... 733 00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:03,780 But just walking all the way to the train station 734 00:26:03,860 --> 00:26:05,420 and back again with Colin... 735 00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:07,140 He's just so fuckin' slow. 736 00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:08,460 He is slow, bless him. 737 00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:10,540 - I get it. - Honestly, Ash, 738 00:26:10,620 --> 00:26:12,780 this is a thing that I've done since I was, what? 739 00:26:12,860 --> 00:26:13,860 Thirteen? 740 00:26:13,940 --> 00:26:15,460 It's a deeply-formed habit. 741 00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:17,580 - Maybe a bad one, I don't know. - Okay, okay. 742 00:26:19,020 --> 00:26:21,500 I mean, you must at least occasionally, you know... 743 00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,540 - Don't say "flick the bean". - Flick the bean. 744 00:26:23,620 --> 00:26:24,900 I... 745 00:26:24,980 --> 00:26:27,140 just wouldn't choose it over time with you. 746 00:26:27,220 --> 00:26:28,780 That's all. 747 00:26:28,860 --> 00:26:30,340 - Right? - That's fair enough. 748 00:26:30,420 --> 00:26:31,940 That's fair enough. 749 00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:32,860 I... I'm gonna... 750 00:26:32,940 --> 00:26:34,140 I'll be more mindful. 751 00:26:34,220 --> 00:26:35,780 - Oh, will you? - Yeah. 752 00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:36,740 Like a yogi? 753 00:26:36,820 --> 00:26:39,020 - Yes, like a tantric yogi. 754 00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:40,420 Like Sting. 755 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,420 Okay, I reckon Sting would go all right. 756 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,380 Oh, mate, Sting goes off. 757 00:26:45,460 --> 00:26:46,940 Without a doubt. 758 00:26:47,820 --> 00:26:49,340 - While we're on the subject... 759 00:26:49,420 --> 00:26:49,980 - Yeah? 760 00:26:50,060 --> 00:26:53,380 I accidentally jerked off an elderly man at work today. 761 00:26:56,140 --> 00:26:57,420 - Okay. - Yeah. 762 00:26:58,180 --> 00:27:00,020 Well, you know, I mean, that... 763 00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:00,060 Well, you know, I mean, that... 764 00:27:00,140 --> 00:27:02,060 - That's ethical porn. - It is. 765 00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:04,300 I mean, there are no accidents, 766 00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:06,140 so let's just say I jerked off an elderly man. 767 00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:07,460 - Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - At work. 768 00:27:07,540 --> 00:27:10,700 It's very hard to accidentally jerk someone off. 769 00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:13,220 How'd it happen? Is this real? This actually happened? 770 00:27:13,300 --> 00:27:15,980 It was... it was a foreskin misunderstanding. 771 00:27:16,060 --> 00:27:18,220 - Oh, is that what happened? - All right? 772 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:19,740 Yeah, yeah. I mean, that happens. 773 00:27:19,820 --> 00:27:22,780 ?I was doing fine, then I met you ? 774 00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:35,580 ?I don't need a sign ? 775 00:27:35,660 --> 00:27:38,580 ?What will be will be ? 54511

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