All language subtitles for Colin from Accounts s02e03 Heavy.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,040 And then, you know, 2 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,000 and then John came to me and he said, "You know, I love this." 3 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,160 "You know, we should call that song 'Get Fucked'." 4 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:22,680 And I was like, "No, we should call it 'Get Back'." 5 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,360 So, that's what we did. Yeah, yeah. 6 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,400 That's an anecdote from me, Sir Paul, 7 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,360 you know, the greatest ever Beatle. 8 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,880 Still alive. The only one. 9 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,160 Apart from Ringo, but no one cares. 10 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,680 - That's his voice. - Oh my God, Ash! 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,280 - Oh, whoa, you right, mate? - Ash, have you seen this? 12 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:38,880 - Wait. 13 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,040 - Oi, we could have been doing anything. 14 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,120 No, I heard what you were doing. The voices. 15 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,280 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 16 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,960 - Oh, righto. - Oh, whoa, okay, boobies. 17 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,880 Oh, no, look, it's nothing he hasn't seen before. 18 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,480 Really? You two? 19 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:50,880 - Oh, mate... - Mate, a million years ago. 20 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,200 Ancient history. Ancient Greece. 21 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:53,200 - You've got to look at it. Look at it. 22 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,120 - Okay, Ash, Ash, look at this. 23 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,320 - What are we...? - I wouldn't say 24 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,400 that I was a Christ figure necessarily. 25 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,880 Oh, this guy's fucked. 26 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,000 I do... 27 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:00,040 I do... 28 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:02,880 Actually, yeah. 29 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,000 Oh my God. 30 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,480 - Is this now? - Mm-hmm. 31 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,040 I'm the only one asking him anything. There's like four people watching. 32 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,640 Well, fuckin' stop it. Does he know it's you? 33 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:10,880 - Nup. Wait, I got one. 34 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,400 Do I get eczema? 35 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:13,400 Oh, that... 36 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,640 Look, I do sometimes get a slight heat rash on my upper thighs 37 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,040 - after a typical shower. - Mate. 38 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,000 Don't tell us that. 39 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,800 - Lee. - More questions, please. 40 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,920 Honestly, you can ask me anything. 41 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,040 I mean, was it just the once? 42 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,280 - What? 43 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,280 Was it just the once that he got eczema? Ask him. 44 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,800 Mum, is Lee with you? 45 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,400 Yes, he's upstairs. Why? 46 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,160 He's doing a live Ask Me Anything. I thought he was off the internet. 47 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,960 Oh, he's only allowed on for 20 minutes, darling. 48 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,480 He's been on for hours, Mum. 49 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,080 It's embarrassing. Megan's fucking with him. 50 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,240 Lee? 51 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,120 Lee! 52 00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:09,440 I... I'm busy! 53 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,720 G'day! Strange man. 54 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,160 There's... strange man. 55 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,800 Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not strange. 56 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,680 I've, ah... got the rock key. 57 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:18,120 Oh. Mum, I've gotta go. 58 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,120 I'll stay on the line. Have you got your rape whistle? 59 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,600 No, no. It's okay. I'll call you later. 60 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:22,600 Look, if you can't speak, 61 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,800 say, "Yes, bananas are in season, 62 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,640 and I know a very good farmer." 63 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:27,960 Mum, that is way too long. 64 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,120 I'll call you later. Bye. 65 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,720 Sorry. I'm Heavy. 66 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:32,640 Flash's brother. 67 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,520 - Oh... - Okay? 68 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,440 - Right? - Oh... right... 69 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:37,400 Come on, bring it in. 70 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,400 - Oh, all right. Hey. - Hey. 71 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,040 Yeah... 72 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,640 - Good? - Yes. 73 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:44,600 Okay. 74 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,200 - Yeah. 75 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,160 All right. So, you're the cleaner, are you? 76 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,240 Place looks fantastic. 77 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,320 - No. - Oh, okay. 78 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,600 So, ah, Gordon's actually at work right now, so... 79 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:55,560 Oh, is he? 80 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,840 Ugh, fuck. He's got a mind like a sieve. 81 00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,640 He is expecting me. 82 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:00,000 - Is he? - Yeah. Yeah. 83 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,960 - Is he? - Yeah. Yeah. 84 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,760 Yeah. And you said your name's Heavy? 85 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,000 Alistair. 86 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,000 - Oh. - Stair. Stairway. 87 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,200 Stairway to Heaven. 88 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,280 Evanesce. 89 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,600 - Heavy. - Ah. 90 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,760 Also, "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother." 91 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:13,800 Works on a few levels. 92 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:14,960 So many levels. 93 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,400 - Yeah. - Yeah. 94 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,400 - It's pretty cool. - Yeah. 95 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:19,640 Yeah... 96 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:20,960 Okay. 97 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,040 So, if you thought I was the cleaner, why'd we hug for so long? 98 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,080 - Or at all? - Yeah, I know, right? 99 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,600 - So crazy. - It is crazy. 100 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,400 Yeah. Why did we? 101 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,240 I don't know. Just... 102 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,120 felt like the right thing to do. 103 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,040 And, you know, I thought you were the cleaner. 104 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,080 So, yeah. 105 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,680 The place looks great. 106 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,440 Yeah, good job. 107 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,880 Well, no. 108 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,440 But yeah. 109 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,600 So, in two days, I go home and he goes to Wollongong. 110 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:55,640 It's called birdnesting. 111 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,200 One week on, one week off, and the kids stay in their routine. 112 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,440 Sounds intense. 113 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,000 No, raising three kids with a guy you don't love anymore 114 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,360 No, raising three kids with a guy you don't love anymore 115 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,400 who's trying to break into musicals, that's intense. 116 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,240 - Right. - This is just a pain. 117 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,400 So, does Meggles go home with you, or...? 118 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,720 - No, that would be weird. - Weird? 119 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,960 No, she... she goes back to her home, and then... 120 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,880 And then it's back to Gordon's Halfway House for New Lesbians? 121 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:14,800 Yeah, if that's okay. 122 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,480 - Oh, mate. It's more than okay. - Okay. 123 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,360 - I love it. - Do you? 124 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:18,519 How long is this arrangement gonna go on for? 125 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,680 - Well, I just... - Shh! 126 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,360 My apologies, Your Honour. 127 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:22,360 I'm not a judge. 128 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:23,920 I'm a mediator. 129 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,080 Call me Allan. 130 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,200 Yes, Allan. 131 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:29,000 I told you, Brett, this is not a court. Why'd you bring a lawyer? 132 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,640 Uh, please direct your speech towards me. 133 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,240 I will be speaking for my client. 134 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,200 Thank you. 135 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:34,440 How much are you paying this joker? 136 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,000 Mum, Dad, I don't have to move out. 137 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,800 - I have squatter's rights. - That's right. 138 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,720 Squatter's rights don't apply here, Brett. 139 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:42,760 Well, we tried. 140 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,040 Can I just say at this juncture, 141 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,600 full respect on the Kevin Bacon move. 142 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:47,880 That was pretty lit. 143 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,760 Um, but please be aware that we are speaking with Grant Denyer 144 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:52,840 for a response. 145 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,320 Are we? 146 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,800 Yes. Big time, man. 147 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,040 Oh, what?! Shh! 148 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,000 - You shush. - You shush. 149 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:00,280 - You shush. - You shush. 150 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,160 What's wrong? 151 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,400 My brother's at my house. 152 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:03,600 Oh. What's he doing in Sydney? 153 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,160 He's going to Vegas tomorrow for a "conference". 154 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,400 Ugh, gross. 155 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,080 Yeah, I don't need to be here for two customers. I'm going home. 156 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,160 - Are you serious? - Yes. 157 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,360 I'm not leaving Ash at home with my brother. He's a shit-stirrer. 158 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,480 He'll get me into trouble. 159 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,800 - Hey, can I get a lift? - Hurry. 160 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:16,760 - Hey, Brett. - Shh! 161 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,080 - No! You're closing up! - What?! 162 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,920 Apologies, Your Honour. 163 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,560 Sorry, it's a bit messy. 164 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,960 Yeah, but we can move all the boxes, obviously. 165 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,720 Oh, yeah, thanks, that'd be great, love. 166 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,360 I've got an urgent meeting with a slick 167 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,880 brown dog, if you know what I mean 168 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,400 - Oh yeah, no worries, I'll do it. - Yeah. 169 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:37,800 All right. 170 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:58,760 Mmm... 171 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,040 No... 172 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,320 Okay, so you're the dog girl. 173 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,640 Ah, right. Yes. 174 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,920 - Ashley. - Mm. 175 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,120 Ashley. Right, okay. 176 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,920 So, you guys hanging out much? 177 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,640 I'm his girlfriend. 178 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,160 Flashlight's got a girlfriend? 179 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,400 Fuckin' hell. 180 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,400 Yeah. Has he... 181 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,680 He hasn't mentioned that? 182 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,080 Huh. Are you guys exclusive? 183 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,120 Yeah. 184 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,680 Ooh, you didn't sound too sure on that one. 185 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:38,720 I'd run that one by him. 186 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,520 - He's pretty stealthy. - Is he? 187 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,680 Yeah, well, they don't call him Flash for nothing. 188 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,320 "Flash Gordon," he... is what he said. 189 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,080 No! 190 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:48,920 It's 'cause he's as flash as a rat with a gold tooth, 191 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,280 that's why they call him Flash. 192 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,240 Really? 193 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,480 - Yeah. - Oh. 194 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,840 Yeah, well, you know, as a happily married man of 18 years... 195 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,000 I've lived my entire fantasy life vicariously through my brother. 196 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,560 I've lived my entire fantasy life vicariously through my brother. 197 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,680 - So. - Right... 198 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,760 But don't worry, he doesn't send me pics. 199 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,240 Anymore. 200 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,120 Not of you. 201 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,320 - Yet. 202 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,400 Hello. 203 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,160 Flashlight! 204 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,320 - Hey. Hey, Colin. 205 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,360 - I'm just going upstairs for a bit. - Oh, okay. 206 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:18,960 - How's it going? - Mate, what's going on? 207 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,520 You never confirmed whether or not you were coming. 208 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,880 Oh, "confirmed". 209 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,960 What, I'm your brother. What, I gotta announce myself? 210 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,640 - Yes, mate, you do. - Oh, come on. 211 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:26,840 Oh, Heavy, you loser. 212 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,680 Chi-Chi, what's going on, you bogan? 213 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:29,840 - A lot. - Hey? 214 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,720 What's going on? Why'd Ash go upstairs? 215 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,080 I don't know. 216 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,040 You never told me she was your girlfriend, hey. 217 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,200 Nice. 218 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,800 Send us a pic, you cunt. 219 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,520 Hi. 220 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:46,720 Hey. 221 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,880 You okay? 222 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,160 Yeah. 223 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,800 Thanks for making room for Heavy. 224 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,640 No worries. 225 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,360 Cool. 226 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,360 Bit of a full house tonight. Wish it was just us. 227 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:00,000 Oh well. 228 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,120 Oh well. 229 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,800 So, you're not mad? 230 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:06,920 Should I be mad? 231 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,520 Nup. No. 232 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:10,840 All good. 233 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,240 Oh, quick... just while I've got you. 234 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,640 Yeah? 235 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,840 Are we exclusive? 236 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,040 Yes... what do you mean? Yes! 237 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,080 Of course we are. 238 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,760 You... you live here, Ash. What...? 239 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:21,640 Why? 240 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:22,720 No, nothing. Nothing. 241 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,360 Just... just wondering. 242 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,360 Yeah, Ash, of course. 243 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,680 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 244 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,760 You look beautiful, by the way. 245 00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:36,560 What is that you put on? 246 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,640 Just now? Um... 247 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:39,720 Mascara. 248 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,280 - It's pretty. - Thank you. 249 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,000 Like your dress. 250 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,800 It's a skirt and a top. 251 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,440 Right, yeah. No, it's good. 252 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,520 Is it new, or...? 253 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,280 - Nup. - Nup? 254 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,000 Have you lost a bit of weight? 255 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:53,360 Nope. 256 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,280 Not that you needed to. 257 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,920 Not that you do need to, or that you did need to if you have. 258 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,240 But if you haven't, you look great now. 259 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,000 Like, you don't need to lose... But it doesn't matter! 260 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,280 Like, you don't need to lose... But it doesn't matter! 261 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,960 Like, you look great to me at any weight. 262 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,400 Like, you could balloon and I'd be fine. 263 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,800 Like, you could... you could get massive 264 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:08,840 and I'd be fine. 265 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,200 Because it's about... 266 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,880 But it's also, like, you could afford to put on a little bit, 267 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:12,920 and I could, you know... 268 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,080 Not that you need to! 269 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,120 But... and you don't need to, like... 270 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,520 - Can you get out?! - Yeah. 271 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,360 Yeah, so, look, I'm not condoning what he did. 272 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:20,920 - Oh, good. - But the music's undeniable. 273 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,360 Hey. Hey, you fucked me here. What did you say to her? 274 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,800 - What? - What did you say? 275 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,200 Mate, if she starts on you, it's got nothing to do with me. 276 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,600 Heavy, you're here for fuckin' five minutes... 277 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,000 - Hello! - Oh, Jesus fuckin' Christ, what now? 278 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,640 - Hey, man. - Is the door open or something? 279 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:33,560 Nah. Rock key. 280 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,200 - Okay, that's it. No more rock key. - Hey. 281 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,160 - Oh, Gordy. Gordy. - What? 282 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,040 I can't go home. 283 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,520 You can't stay here, mate. We're full. 284 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:40,600 Well, can I just hang? 285 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,120 You know, figure out my next move? 286 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,600 Mediation's not gone great. 287 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,360 Yeah, mate, that's because your "lawyer" is a fuckin'... 288 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,680 Hey. Hey, Justin. 289 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:47,960 Good thanks, Mother. 290 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,680 Mate, I want to help you. I'll... 291 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,040 - Where is he going? - Dunno. 292 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,280 No, hang on, mate. 293 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,320 No, no. Oi! 294 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,120 - What the fuck?! - Come here, friend. 295 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,080 Is this your en suite, mate? 296 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,280 So, um... 297 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,440 How do you fit into this jigsaw puzzle, Meggles? 298 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,440 Uh, well, a couple of ways. 299 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,480 Holy shit! 300 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,880 Oh! I love it! I love it! 301 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:14,800 Yup. 302 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,240 Does Andre know? 303 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:17,600 Yeah, of course. 304 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,040 Right. Okay. 305 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,360 So just completely gone off solids? 306 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:22,880 - Wow. - Fuck you're a loser. 307 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,400 - What? - Heavy, you're a fuckin' loser. 308 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,160 No wonder you always knocked me back. 309 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,520 Oh, that wasn't the reason, son. 310 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,560 Gross. 311 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:30,880 Charcuterie? 312 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,520 - Whoa! - It's Wednesday afternoon. 313 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,400 - Is it? - Yeah. It's... 314 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:36,400 - It's Wednesday. - Yeah, no. 315 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,840 I appreciate the presentation. 316 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:38,800 - We're not gonna... - Yeah. 317 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,440 - That's a hard pass. - No, thank you, but no. 318 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,160 - One, two, three. - No. 319 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,720 Mmm... Or, unless you guys are...? 320 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,680 No? 321 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,000 Can I say something? 322 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:00,280 Can I say something? 323 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,480 - Yeah, speak your truth, Bretty. - Of course, Bretty. 324 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,920 I think you guys are awesome together, 325 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,800 and I really think you're actually made for each other. 326 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,120 Aw, Bretty. 327 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,440 It's early days. 328 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:12,320 - What? - Mm? 329 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,400 What do you mean? 330 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,000 Oh, no. I mean that's so sweet, Bretty. 331 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,000 Are you not feeling it? You can be honest. 332 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,840 Meggles, I'm feeling it. 333 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,720 It's just... it's just a lot 334 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,200 with Andre and the kids... 335 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,120 It's pretty new. 336 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,920 Yeah, I know. I feel that. I feel all that. 337 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,120 I... I feel like a homewrecker. 338 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,560 Hey. 339 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,520 You're not a homewrecker. 340 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,400 - If anything, I'm the homewrecker. 341 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,040 No, I'm the one who's breaking their wedding vows. 342 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,120 Hey. 343 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,120 We're all homewreckers. 344 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,960 Just... in different ways. 345 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,680 Yeah. 346 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,120 You know, that's the mistake I made. 347 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,960 I got married way too young. 348 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:55,120 - Mm. - Right? 349 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,120 Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and kids, but there's just... 350 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,960 There's just nothing going on there anymore. 351 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,200 You know? 352 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,320 Like, the other day, 353 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,000 Katie bent over in her undies. 354 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,600 And I thought, "Revolting." 355 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,200 - Whoa. Did you? - You know? 356 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,600 Yeah. I know it's fucked up, 357 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,520 but, see, that's where I'm at. 358 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,000 - Right now. Right? - Right... 359 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,400 So, what my point is... 360 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,480 Yeah, what is your point? 361 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,680 - Is that I'm the fuckup, not Flashlight. 362 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:17,280 - Yes. 363 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:17,880 - There we go. 364 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:18,760 - Right? That's what I'm trying to say. 365 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,240 - Good point well made. - Cool, cool, cool. 366 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,640 - Right. - So, but what was that stuff 367 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,640 that you were saying about Gordon being stealthy? 368 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,080 Oh, no, it was nothing. It's nothing. 369 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,600 He's... he's just a charismatic guy with a couple of moves. 370 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,640 Well, what moves? 371 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,000 No, nothing. No moves. 372 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,640 You know me, I don't have... I got nothing. 373 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,000 - I've got no moves. - Ah. 374 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,640 - The "I own a brewery." - Yes. 375 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,280 - That's my one move. - Yeah, it's a good move. 376 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,240 Yeah, well, and the "I'll kiss you in six minutes" move. 377 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,640 What? What are you talking about? That's your fuckin' move. 378 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,040 - What is it? - It's not really a move. 379 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,280 - What is it? - I don't know. 380 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:46,760 - Okay, all right. All right. - It's nothing, it's nothing. 381 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:47,640 What he'd do, 382 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,920 he used to give chicks a six-minute warning before he kissed them. 383 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:51,880 Ah. 384 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,800 - Sounds pretty rapey. 385 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:54,800 Well, that does. 386 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,040 It was just... it wasn't that. 387 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,080 It was just a fun, flirty thing I did a couple of times. 388 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,000 Yeah, well, more than a couple. 389 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:00,280 Yeah, well, more than a couple. 390 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,160 It wasn't a move. 391 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,280 - So do the move. - No. 392 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,360 - Do it! Do it, Flash. - Do it. 393 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,560 - I'm not doing the move. - Do the move. 394 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:05,440 - Why? - Do it. 395 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,960 - I want to see the move. - Don't @ me. 396 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,360 See, if I can't see it, 397 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,240 I'm only gonna imagine it's a form of sexual assault. 398 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,880 It's not a form of sexual assault! 399 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,160 - Okay, fine. Okay, fine, I'll do it. - Okay. 400 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,160 - Okay? Okay, I'll do the fuckin' move. 401 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:17,800 - Do it. 402 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,120 - Can't wait. - Jesus. 403 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,200 - Okay, so... - Stand up. 404 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,600 Yeah, do it properly. Come on, come on, come on. 405 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:22,680 Okay, fine. 406 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,040 - Properly. 407 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,880 - Right, okay, so I get to a party, okay? 408 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,880 And only if I'm feeling a vibe... 409 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:28,760 Right. 410 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,320 I'd say to the girl, "So, 411 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,920 I'm gonna kiss you in six minutes." 412 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,240 "So, if you have anything that you wanna do 413 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:36,560 between now and then, be my guest, 414 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,040 and I'll meet you back here." 415 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,360 - Okay? 416 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,400 I don't know. That... it's creepy-adjacent. 417 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,200 Yeah, well, we're out of context here and it was years ago. 418 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,440 Yeah, not aged well. 419 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,880 Well, come on, Ash, what about you? You must have some moves. 420 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,320 Oh, um... 421 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,280 Just one. The... the nipple flash. 422 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,520 Ah! That's a good move. 423 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:00,000 That's not really a move though. 424 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:00,880 That's not really a move though. 425 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,480 That... that just happened one time. 426 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,640 Did it? 427 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,360 - Didn't it? 428 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:09,320 - Did it? - Did it? 429 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,800 Dunno. 430 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,880 Didn't it? Fuck no. 431 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,760 I did it all through my twenties. 432 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,720 Got free drinks, whatever. It's... 433 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,320 Friends would say it's my signature move. 434 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,320 - Yeah. - Wow. 435 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,480 Smart. Clever girl. 436 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,560 Thrifty. Thank you. 437 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,000 Well, come on. Come on. Do the move. 438 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,120 No! Fuck no. 439 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,320 No, no, it's... fair's fair. She's gotta do the move. 440 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,920 You did your move. Now she's gotta do her move. 441 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,000 - No! - Fair's fair. 442 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,480 - Fair is not fair. - Fair is fair. 443 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:32,880 - She's not... You're not doing the move. 444 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:33,600 - Why not? 445 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:34,840 - Okay. - Because... 446 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:35,960 Because... because... 447 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,560 ♪Because, because ♪ 448 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,640 ♪Because of the wonderful Tits she has ♪ 449 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,280 ♪Ba-diddily-diddily-dun ♪ 450 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,600 - That was good. - Ridiculous. 451 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,560 - Give it to me. - Yeah? 452 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,320 All right, don't leave me hanging. 453 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,280 I'm not gonna do the move. 454 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,280 Obviously. 455 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,000 - Oh, boo! - Not boo! 456 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,800 - I'm gonna get some drinks. - Shut it down. 457 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,160 Ah, do you mind getting us some beers? Hey, sweetheart? 458 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:55,240 - Yeah. - Yeah. 459 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,720 - Meep. 460 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,000 Whoa! 461 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:00,000 - Wow. - No, not wow. 462 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,560 - Wow. - No, not wow. 463 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,720 She's fun. 464 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,160 That's in there. 465 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,440 No, it's not. 466 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,440 That is in there. 467 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:08,560 - No, it's not in there. - Oh? 468 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,960 - Get it out. - It's deep in the bank, mate. 469 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,200 - Well, take it out of the bank. 470 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:11,800 - Deposit made. 471 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,720 - It's a withdrawal, mate. - That's a term deposit. 472 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:14,760 No, fuckin' close the account, 473 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,600 we're kicking you out of the bank, we're closing your account. 474 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,360 Fuck, I'm glad you're here. 475 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,440 And that's what I feel sometimes. 476 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,160 Like, I like you so much, 477 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,120 but sometimes, I feel that you're not as into me 478 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,240 as much as I'm into you. 479 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,760 Is that too intense? 480 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,440 No, it's so good. It's so good. 481 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:36,680 Meggles. 482 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,080 You are so beautiful. 483 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,240 No, you are. 484 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,360 And I'm so grateful for you being there for me. 485 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,640 It's just I don't know if I'm quite ready for the full thing. 486 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,560 And you're the full thing. 487 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,640 Okay, is the door still open to Andre? 488 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,600 Mm. 489 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:52,880 I don't know. 490 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,400 No, I don't think so. 491 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,480 But... 492 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,520 Baby, is this hard for you to hear? 493 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:58,600 Nup. 494 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,000 You know what? It's... It's not, actually. 495 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:00,920 You know what? It's... It's not, actually. 496 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,840 Because you've taught me so much about myself. 497 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,640 And you have taught me so much about myself. 498 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,720 You know, this is some evolved shit. 499 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,920 - Women are amazing. - Mm. 500 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,680 And you're amazing, Bretty. 501 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,360 Mm, we are. We are all amazing. 502 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,120 We should hang out more. 503 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,120 - Oh, we really should. - Yes! Yes! 504 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:22,720 Oh, good on you, Ash. 505 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,600 Who's ready? 506 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,160 Thank you. 507 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,760 No worries. 508 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,280 - That one's for you. - Ta. 509 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,840 - Mm. - Cheers. - Cheers. 510 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:34,840 - Bottom's up. - Yup. 511 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,280 Mm. 512 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,440 What is that? 513 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,680 Ah, you don't recognise her? 514 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,240 No, I do. She's definitely one of mine. 515 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,440 She is, correct. 516 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,120 Ah... it's a creamy. 517 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,160 - Mm-hmm. - It's like... it's like... 518 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,160 It's like, it's... it's almost like, ah... 519 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,600 Like Cathy. 520 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,000 Like Cathy Cream Your Jeans Ale. 521 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,120 - Is this Cathy? - Yeah. 522 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,000 - I've only got one of her. - I know. 523 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:00,960 - I've only got one of her. - I know. 524 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,000 Enjoy. 525 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,880 Ash, what the...?! 526 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,640 Ash, this is a very exclusive beer run. 527 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,040 - Yeah. - Why did... why have you...? 528 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,160 Oh, why, why? 529 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,599 Why did you name beers after girls you've slept with 530 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,880 and then keep them in your closet? 531 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,520 Bit off, isn't it? 532 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,640 - So, who have I got? - Oh, you've got Melanie's Melons IPA. 533 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,720 Oh, I remember her. 534 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,520 Ash, it's not about the girls, it's about the beer. 535 00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:23,800 But it isn't about the beer, is it? 536 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,319 Because you're not drinking them, so they're just trophies. 537 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,720 No, no, no, they're not trophies. 538 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,080 Did you sleep with them? 539 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,800 - All of them. 540 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:31,880 Is that a problem? 541 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,280 Only if you can't let them go. 542 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:35,480 Of course I can let them go. 543 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,240 Then great, cheers, drink up, everybody. 544 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,160 No, no, no! 545 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:42,960 No, Ash, Ash. I created these beers years ago, right, 546 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,480 in response to where I was at in my life at that time. 547 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,760 These mean something to me. 548 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:50,440 It's like, oh, should Leonard Cohen have deleted "So Long Marianne" 549 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:51,920 when he started seeing Suzanne? 550 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,200 - You're not Leonard Cohen, Gordon. - You're missing my point. 551 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:56,400 Fine. Whatever. You know what? 552 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,160 If they bother you so much, I'll just take them to work. 553 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,000 And speaking of work, 554 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,160 And speaking of work, 555 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,840 "Chiara's Cans." 556 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,520 "Way more than a mouthful." 557 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:04,720 Classy, mate. 558 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:05,800 Mm! 559 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,200 Yum. 560 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,320 That's not on, mate. Disappointing. 561 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:11,480 Heavy. 562 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,600 On behalf of the Crapp family, I'd like to apologise. 563 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,120 Shut up, mate. 564 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,880 I'm so sorry... 565 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,280 So sorry we domesticated you. 566 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,680 Okay. 567 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,480 Ballpark, what am I dealing with here? 568 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,000 What is your number? 569 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,160 - What? - "What"? 570 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,680 How many people have you slept with? 571 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,200 Oh, shit, here we go. 572 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,440 I'll go first. 573 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:48,960 Nine. 574 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,720 Oh, this year? Less than nine. 575 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,760 No, Gordon. My whole life. 576 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:53,880 Oh. 577 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,600 Oh, well, you're setting me up to fail. 578 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,160 This is quality. 579 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,960 - Quiet, Heavy. - Don't. 580 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:00,000 Ash, I... I lost my virginity when I was 16. 581 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,920 Ash, I... I lost my virginity when I was 16. 582 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,000 So? 583 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,160 - Twenty? 584 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,560 Not saying anything. 585 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,920 - Fifty? - Oh... I run a bar, Ash. 586 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,240 Okay. Seventy-five? 587 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,360 - Getting warmer. - Heavy! 588 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,480 - Shut the fuck up! - Don't look at him. 589 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,360 - I want you to look at me. - Yeah, I am. 590 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,080 One hundred? 591 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,400 Oh, who keeps track? 592 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,000 More than 100 women?! 593 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,040 And that's a magnificent hundred! 594 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,400 No, no, no. No more than a hundred. 595 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,040 - Are you sure? - Yes, I am. 596 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,000 Oh, look, I don't know the exact number 'cause I'm not a serial killer, 597 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:35,000 but, but definitely no more than... than... 598 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,040 a hundred. 599 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,400 A hundred... hundred women. 600 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:39,840 I don't even know who you are anymore. 601 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,080 - Yes, you do. Ash. Ash... - This is wild. 602 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,920 This is... oh my God, this isn't... 603 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,920 You know what? Let's do the maths. Let's do the maths. 604 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,280 - Oh, please. - No, no, no, let's do it. 605 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,160 Because I'm 42 now, right? Okay? 606 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:51,520 I lost my virginity when I was 16. 607 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:56,240 So, 42 minus 16, okay, is 26 years sexually active, right? 608 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,520 And then 100 divided by 26 is... 609 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,000 3.84! 610 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:00,840 3.84! 611 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:01,960 - Mm. - Okay? 612 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,560 Mm, that's actually pretty low. 613 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:08,080 Yeah. 3.84 women per annum doth not a prowler make. 614 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,400 That's, like, less than one a season. 615 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,280 But it does add up, though, doesn't it? 616 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,320 It's probably time to start settling down, mate. 617 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,240 Oh, should I, mate? Oh, okay, mate. 618 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,920 I don't think I'll take relationship advice 619 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:23,480 from a guy who's definitely paying for sex in Vegas this weekend definitely. 620 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,600 Hey! 621 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,160 That's a fuckin' low blow, bro. It's a conference. 622 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,360 Penis conference. 623 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,280 - Hey! - Yeah? 624 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,440 I like to fuckin' joke around, all right? 625 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,360 But you know Katie is my life. 626 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,440 All right? 627 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,520 I'd take a fuckin' bullet for that woman. 628 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,680 All right, I'm sorry. Just leave it. Just leave it. 629 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,520 Hey, back on Melanie's Melons, I've seen your cans 630 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,680 and they're much nicer shape-wise. 631 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,560 - Stop it! - Well, it's true! 632 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,200 Just say something nice about your girlfriend. 633 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,720 Girls like that, all right? 634 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:55,800 Thank you, Heavy. 635 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,800 That's all right. Gordon. 636 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,280 ♪Hey, baby ♪ 637 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:28,080 ♪Oh, what a world you're gonna see ♪ 638 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,800 ♪Joyrides in flying cars... ♪ 639 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,640 Okay, yeah. I'm coming now. 640 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,640 All right, all right, all right. 641 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,880 Oh, whoa, Andre. 642 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,560 Is Chiara here? 643 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:54,880 Uh, Chiara... 644 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,400 - Oh, no. No. - Okay. 645 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,360 I know she's here. 646 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,960 Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. 647 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,000 Yeah, hey, Chi? 648 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:00,280 Yeah, hey, Chi? 649 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,360 Chiara! 650 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,680 - God. - Good morning. 651 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:05,640 What time is it? 652 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,320 Ten past nine 653 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,760 on Ernie's birthday. 654 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,000 Oh my God! Ernie! Happy birth... 655 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,000 No, no, no, no, no. Not "happy birthday, Ernie", is it? 656 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,840 'Cause his mum's been fuck knows where doing... 657 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,320 Well, what were you doing last night, Chi? 658 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,360 Because there is a naked person over on the couch over here. 659 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,080 Oh! 660 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,240 I don't know who that is. 661 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,840 Are you going to come back to your actual life at some point? 662 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,680 - You're perimenopausal, Chi! 663 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,520 You're not some kid kicking around in your twenties 664 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,440 trying to figure out your... 665 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,800 You're already meant to have done that 666 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,320 and made a decision, which you did, 667 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,240 and now you have a family. 668 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,040 But should we just all just disappear now because 669 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,320 you have a girlfriend? 670 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,240 We had a birthday dinner for Ernie last night and it was really great. 671 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,000 And I gave him his bike. That was actually from both... 672 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,320 And I gave him his bike. That was actually from both... 673 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,600 And he can tell you all about it 674 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,640 because your week with him started an hour ago, 675 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,760 and now I'm late for my voiceover. 676 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,760 And great, I've been yelling. 677 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,240 Goodbye. 678 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,480 And Chi? 679 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:13,600 Could you tell Gordon 680 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:18,400 I've always thought he was an absolute cock! 681 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,360 Hey, guys! 682 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,480 So, I've been thinking, 683 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,600 both as a doctor and as your girlfriend, 684 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:33,520 um, 685 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,960 I'm gonna need you to get a sexual health checkup 686 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,160 as soon as you can. 687 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,400 Are you joking? 688 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,280 It's not unreasonable. 689 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:43,280 Gordon, when was the last time you got a checkup? 690 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,120 Ash, I get regular checkups. 691 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,880 But when? When was the last time? 692 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,240 Oh, um... 693 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,560 Um...? 694 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,240 Right. So, probably time to get a... 695 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,680 a thorough check. 696 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:56,960 Yeah. Okay. Yep. 697 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,840 - That's fair enough. - Thank you. 698 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,000 And you'll start seeing a therapist, will you? 699 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:00,720 And you'll start seeing a therapist, will you? 700 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:03,280 What? 701 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:06,080 About the nipple-flashing male-attention thing? 702 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,440 - Excuse me? - Just asking the question. 703 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,800 That's not the same thing. 704 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:16,480 That is not okay to ask me that at all. 705 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,000 Right, so you can ask me to get a raft of tests, 706 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,200 but I can't ask you to look at your thing. 707 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,160 Your sexual health affects me directly. 708 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,720 And your mental health doesn't affect me directly? 709 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,360 it does! 710 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:32,840 What, we can't talk about it? 711 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,120 Ugh! 712 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:36,920 Yep. We can talk about it. 713 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,000 And hey, how about while I'm there, 714 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,520 I'll unpack how it's pretty hard to feel special 715 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,400 with a guy who has slept with at least 100 women! 716 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,680 - Ugh! - Ah, 3.84. But anyway. 717 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,160 You talk about how it might be time to grow up, yeah? 718 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,880 How about you take your own advice, 719 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,280 stop being so selfish, 720 00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:00,000 and just get the fucking checkup! 721 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:00,280 and just get the fucking checkup! 722 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,800 ♪Oh ♪ 723 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,160 ♪I've heard it said before ♪ 724 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:37,520 ♪That youth is like a hallway To a door ♪ 725 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,400 ♪I burst through it ♪ 726 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,480 ♪Wild seeds in the ground ♪ 727 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:52,280 ♪I threw them all around With blind abandon... ♪ 728 00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:55,000 Ash, I need your help with a patient in Bed 5. 729 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:55,920 No, I've gotta do something... 730 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,920 No, I covered you with the weird guy's toenails. 731 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,200 You owe me. 732 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:00,000 Come on. 733 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,360 Come on. 734 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:02,480 Oh, fuck. Quickly. 735 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,240 I should probably warn you, this guy's pretty handsy. 736 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:09,800 No, what? 737 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,040 Now, he wouldn't tell me exactly what he did, rude, 738 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,200 but he clearly fucked up 739 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,320 and he seems to be repentant, so. 740 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,560 Does he now? 741 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,120 What are you doing? 742 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,320 Ash, the fact that you feel anything less 743 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,120 than the most special thing to me 744 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,760 is 100% my fault 745 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,120 because I've honestly never felt about anyone 746 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,360 the way I feel about you. 747 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,480 - Really? - Really. 748 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,800 And if they had of sold a, "I'm a big old dickhead" balloon... 749 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,600 "I'm a big old dickhead that's slept with too many women." 750 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:50,920 Yes! I would have got that one. 751 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,160 But they said it was just too much text. 752 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:55,800 So, that... that's all that I got. 753 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,120 It's probably not appropriate for a hospital anyway. 754 00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,720 That's what they said. 755 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:00,000 I'm sorry. 756 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:00,800 I'm sorry. 757 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,200 I'm really sorry. 758 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,720 Ugh, I really wanted to stay angry. 759 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:10,960 Ugh, I get that. 760 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,080 No, I was... I was powerfully angry. 761 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,640 Like, I was getting a lot done. 762 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:16,760 - Were ya? - Yeah. 763 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,320 I'm so sorry. 764 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,440 And I am so sorry. 765 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,400 You are an idiot. 766 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,400 Yeah, I know. 767 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,200 But, an idiot with flowers and a balloon. 768 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,880 - This is amazing. - It's a boy. 769 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,480 And I've... I've got to get back to work. 770 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,080 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean? 771 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,440 I came here for a sexual health check. 772 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:45,720 - No, I... well... - Yeah. 773 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:46,840 Gene said. 774 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,720 - Did he? - He said you were the best. 775 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:49,800 Oh, I'm pretty good. 776 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,480 I'm sure you are. However, I would like to get a third party in here 777 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,120 because I don't feel completely comfortable 778 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,000 being alone in a cubicle with you. 779 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,520 Oh, you'll be right, mate. 780 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,640 Done plenty of these. 781 00:27:58,720 --> 00:27:59,720 Oh... 782 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,480 - I don't know. This is... - No, no. 783 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,040 Drop your dacks. 784 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,920 Have you seen, ah, the TV show Embarrassing Bodies? 785 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:07,920 No. 786 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,760 Check it out. All right, I'll be the patient, all right? 787 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:10,880 - You be... you just say... - Okay. 788 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,040 What's going... What can I look at? 789 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,480 What can I help you with, love? 790 00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,600 Um, well, I've actually got a little sort of... 791 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,520 I've been ashamed of it for 58 years, but I was never... 792 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:19,840 never wanted to come to my doctor about it, 793 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,160 so I thought I'd come on national tele... 794 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:22,880 International television 795 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,280 and shave a pustule. 796 00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:26,080 I've got some pustules here if you... 797 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,200 Ooh, if you get me to squeeze them, they all come out everywhere. 798 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,640 See? Ooh, it hurts a bit! 799 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,120 But I don't mind it as well. 800 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,560 What's... what's wrong with me? 801 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,360 All right, sign this form for clearance. 802 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:37,480 All right. 803 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,240 But this is all free, yeah? 804 00:28:39,290 --> 00:28:43,840 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 55697

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