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1
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,120
COUGHS
2
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,120
I before E.
3
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,000
COUGHS
4
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,000
Except after C.
5
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,000
Sorry, I've got an awful cough!
6
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,280
FORCED LAUGH
7
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,280
Shh!
8
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,200
What on earth?!
9
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,720
The library is open!
10
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,640
Class K, this is unacceptable.
11
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,560
00:00:53,040
At least you're
doing your bit for the environment,
18
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:56,200
because those bags
under your eyes are for life.
19
00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:00,760
Madam, might I suggest, "jack-at
po-tah-toh" to go with that...
20
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,000
GAGS
21
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,000
00:01:21,280
and you just got
read like on Drag Race.
28
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,960
Sir's been prepping us all term.
29
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,840
No, literacy as in
reading and writing.
30
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,360
Books, analysis, critical thinking.
31
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,960
Excuse me!
32
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,880
00:01:49,640
I said, she'll kill YOU!
38
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,320
Who else do you think our
parents are going to blame?
39
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,920
NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE
40
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,720
What I will say is...
41
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,520
00:02:51,480
Last week, Usma's mum told me,
if her grades slip again,
52
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,480
she's going to soak my cleansing
cloth in chloroform.
53
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,120
Jesus, she actually said that?
54
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,920
Word for word...
55
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,520
..with her eyes!
56
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:04,200
00:03:21,600
it looks like I'm stuck at this
godforsaken school for the long haul
65
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,560
and now, thanks to you,
we could go into special measures.
66
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,520
Oh, well...
SINGSONG: You're wel-come!
67
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,560
00:03:45,160
You're not "in trouble an' all".
73
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,840
It's Mr Carmichael's
head on the chopping board today.
Go on, shoo! Sweet.
74
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,720
Now, thanks to you, your form are in
danger of failing basic literacy.
75
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:57,360
00:04:13,200
I get it, no cheating, no cheating!
Are you still going to
WhatsApp the questions as usual?
81
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,560
No!
82
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,560
SHE LAUGHS
83
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,880
No, absolutely not, absolutely...
84
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,120
I don't know what you're
00:04:34,600
literally ask anyone, ask anyone,
I always... I always carry
89
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,880
a pocket English dictionary in my
pocket. The clue's in the title!
90
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:42,680
And would the examiners like to tell
us what book the children
00:05:00,000
Pygmalion, and then they would
like you to present a critical
97
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,320
analysis of said play.
98
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:06,680
Oh, dear, yes, that is... I think
that's the only copy in the library.
99
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,280
Most of our books are in much better
00:05:25,800
or you will all suffer
the consequences.
106
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,360
Give me your phones.
107
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,760
No Google, no TikTok,
108
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,320
no Wikipedia, no ChatGPT.
109
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:33,640
Come on, man.
110
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,240
Of course.
00:06:00,960
SCREAMS
119
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,320
What? Jinx, why didn't you tell me?
120
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,680
I didn't want to be a white saviour.
121
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,320
As a reluctantly cishet girl who
goes on two holidays every year,
122
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:16,280
00:06:33,200
As in, me, my, my name...
Who... Who says that?
129
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,360
Oh, just... Just us
and the rest of the school.
130
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,159
Pavel...and Edna.
My cousin, my mum.
131
00:06:38,159 --> 00:06:41,120
My parrot said it one time.
00:07:12,200
Right, you know what you're doing,
I'll be in me office.
139
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,640
Jinx? Oh. Is...
140
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,640
SNIFFS
141
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,080
Hey, what's the matter?
142
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:21,720
You see someone drinking
out a plastic cup again?
143
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,160
00:07:42,120
RECORD SCRATCH
151
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,760
..and my therapist says I overthink
things, but what child of six isn't
152
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,360
traumatised by the bloodthirsty
consumerism of duck-duck-goose?
153
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,360
And then, when I was 11...
Jinx, Jinx! Jesus!
154
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:53,320
00:07:59,720
I apologised to my own reflection.
158
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,520
Right, well...
Well, I can help with that.
159
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,480
00:08:20,840
No! Never listen!
166
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:25,160
Further, further... Further.
167
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,840
SCREAMS
168
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:32,960
Right.
169
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,520
There's one seat left on the train.
170
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,799
Excuse me, elderly lady...
Not that you look elderly,
171
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:42,440
I'm sure you have a lovely
172
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:42,440
00:08:53,160
HORN
178
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,000
Sorry, oat flat white.
179
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,000
HORN
180
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,920
Vodka? Nope.
What's wrong with vodka?
181
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,120
It's slimming. Oh!
182
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,120
HORN
183
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,600
00:09:14,640
GRUNTS
188
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,160
All right, you win!
189
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,480
Oh, wait a minute, what's this?
190
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,560
The clouds have opened,
the sun's come out,
191
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,560
it's about to hit nine degrees
Celsius, you got ten seconds
192
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,360
00:09:42,920
Now, what you going to do?
199
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,080
Three, two, one.
200
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,600
Wanker!
201
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,960
Are you Tottenham in disguise?
Brap-brap, oi!
202
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,840
By St George, I think she's got it.
203
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,040
Yo, Detective Pikachu,
go faster, man.
204
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,160
00:10:20,760
So don't be coming at me with that
Kourtney and Kim
season 18, episode one energy, OK?
210
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,720
What? Well, we ain't even started
Pygmalion yet.
211
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,240
Sir, why don't you teach us
00:10:45,120
Huh? It's a chess joke. No? OK.
218
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,360
Don't worry, I got it.
No, you didn't, but, thank you.
219
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,800
Sir, it's calm,
we have Jinx, remember?
220
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,400
00:11:12,080
OK!
228
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,600
Um... Obsessed.
229
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:19,360
But we kinda need to focus on the
presentation, so, wind your neck in.
230
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,960
Mm... Yeah, the presentation.
231
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,960
I guess you're right about me,
cos I really couldn't give
232
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,280
00:11:47,120
Jinx, you hate that shit.
Nah, drop me out, you melt.
239
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,320
Why are you talking like Mr Harper?
240
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,960
BELL RINGS
241
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:05,560
Look, I'm telling you lot,
there's a code in the title, right?
242
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,840
Yo, I've rearranged the letters.
243
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,400
00:12:31,160
Yeah? Why do you think they called
the jacuzzi egg drop soup? Urgh!
250
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,920
Juvenile.
251
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,840
Hey, Jinx. Hey, babe. Hey, bestie.
252
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,920
Come on, Jinx, I know you love
00:12:59,520
OK, so if we all work together,
we can each take one act of the play
and read it for the presentation.
258
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,480
Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo! What is this?
259
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,280
I found it stashed in
the dressing-up cupboard.
260
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,040
Hey, it's got
00:13:22,520
00:13:31,520
"builds on out-of-date yoghurts."
267
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,680
Well, well... Oh, oh!
268
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,880
"Inchez's bars are
so soft, people hear them
269
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,360
00:13:41,160
Hey, give me that, give me that.
271
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:48,160
"Usma is so dumb..."
Oh, no! "..she'd try using Bic
Biro on her eyebrow."
272
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,280
Give me that book!
273
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,680
Ooh...
274
00:13:56,080 --> 00:14:00,040
00:14:07,000
What's up!
277
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,000
LAUGHTER
278
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,200
Yeah?
279
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,040
Well, see how you lot
get on without my help.
280
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,280
What? Yo...
281
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,600
No no no no no!
282
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,840
00:14:34,320
Wait. Because she wrote it.
291
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,240
Jinx wrote down all the shit
she's too scared to say
292
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,920
to my immaculate face!
293
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,560
Fine.
294
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,520
Maybe I did write it.
295
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,240
00:15:04,720
I'm Harry-Styling this out
and going solo.
303
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,600
Shapeesh!
304
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,600
You're dickheads anyway, man.
305
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,640
Don't touch it - just leave it, OK?
306
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,200
Oh, here you go, mate.
Here you go. Wahey! Wanker!
307
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,000
00:15:30,360
I've never felt more alive
in my life.
314
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,560
Well, I'm glad you feel alive,
because if they fail
315
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,200
this presentation, their parents
are going to kill me!
316
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,800
Give me your phone.
00:15:57,440
and the freaks, where no
sane person would ever go.
325
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,280
The library.
326
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,040
Worse.
327
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,160
Much, much worse.
328
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,040
SHE PLAYS RIFF
329
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,640
All right, shaggers?
330
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,840
00:16:26,680
Oh, gnarly!
337
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,560
Oi, give us your phone, please.
Five minutes.
338
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,080
Harper, Carmichael.
339
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,960
I do not want to see you
trying to help Class K.
340
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,560
You see, I have a zero-tolerance
00:17:04,720
LAUGHTER ECHOES
350
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,000
Why are you giving these
out to everyone?!
351
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,839
I kicked off me Jesus creepers
and threw on some mug boots.
352
00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:20,720
What? It's just a bit of banter.
No big deal.
353
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:21,839
Here you are, boys.
354
00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:24,560
00:17:46,600
It's not that bad -
it has personality!
362
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,200
You know what? I'm gonna be getting
you lot back for this.
363
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,640
You guys are mean!
364
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,560
Butter? Flour me, man.
365
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,880
That burn book knows
00:18:09,680
of the examiner.
372
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,200
A slice of March Hare.
373
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,000
You think it's rabbit but
it's actually pork,
374
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,200
because nothing is what it seems.
375
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,400
In fact, technically
it's not even pork.
376
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,400
Mistaken - fake bacon.
377
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,960
00:18:38,000
I just need a pig, Fraser.
384
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,040
Just leave it in the playground
before the presentation, yeah?
385
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,680
Oh, and those examiners cannot
see you help me. You feel me?
386
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:45,880
Now?
387
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,400
00:19:02,640
His name's Mark.
396
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,480
That is quality, to be fair.
397
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,360
HORN BLARES
398
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:11,680
Do you know what, Jinx?
399
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,520
When I first met you I thought,
"What a melt."
400
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,240
I don't know if it was your hair,
or the little clips that you
401
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,880
00:19:35,320
HOOTER
407
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,320
Jesus!
408
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,720
I spend my bank holiday
itemising problematic tropes
409
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,280
and rap genius, and they call me
Greta-no-mates.
410
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,000
I re-use my pasta water to wash
00:20:09,920
Big mistake, Jinx.
417
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,440
Huge.
418
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,680
Oof. She's called Judith.
419
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,880
Named her after Mother.
420
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,080
Same disappointed look in her eyes.
421
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,560
Cute. Listen, in my defence,
422
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,800
00:20:42,960
gone back to hell...
429
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,720
Witnesses?
I don't think so. Beginner's luck.
430
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,360
So what am I gonna do about
this English teacher?
431
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:50,200
00:21:03,360
It's basically
my relationship template.
438
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,640
Yes, Fraser! Thank God
you're so bad with women,
439
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,280
but how am I gonna tell the kids
with Hoburn watching me?
440
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,560
00:21:32,840
Sorry, what?
448
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,680
Well, Jinx let slip
that it was Pretty Woman,
449
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,400
so I'm trying to give
the class a heads up.
450
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,120
Mm. PRETTY Woman, but snaps.
451
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,240
00:21:47,920
Pretty...
457
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,560
Pretty Woman, pretty Woman!
458
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,640
00:22:08,040
so we need to find a way into that
classroom without anyone seeing us.
466
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,040
You're not claustrophobic, are you?
467
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,320
I can't get in.
468
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,200
I feel like I'm thumbing in a softy.
469
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,520
You need to get in the foetal
00:22:33,680
It's 2010. It's 2010.
You're Gaga, you're Gaga,
477
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,240
you're Gaga, you're Gaga!
478
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,640
Do you want me to grease you up
or are you gonna go in dry?
479
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,400
Shut up, Fraser.
480
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,520
I'm gonna go in bareback.
481
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,000
SQUELCHING
482
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,720
00:23:28,040
Inchez!
493
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,760
Mr Harper! Where are you going
in those clothes?
494
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,240
Well, I could ask you
the same thing.
495
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,000
What, you going shoplifting
in that coat?
496
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,440
Oh, give it a rest! Oh!
497
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,680
00:23:55,040
exam board ghouls.
505
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,440
All right, so what's your plan?
506
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,600
I plan to flash the children
during the exam.
507
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,640
Right, don't stress. Stephen is
in there right now telling the kids.
508
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,000
00:24:26,320
in a farm,
far, far away in Ireland,
518
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,720
there lived Dr Doolittle.
519
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,200
Oh, God, we're dead.
520
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,040
Shut up, yoghurt boy. You shut up!
521
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,040
In a world...
522
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,360
..where metal meets flesh...
00:24:54,760
Oi, dickhead,
534
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,240
move to the left.
535
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,520
It's got nothing to do with pigs.
536
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,080
Ahem.
537
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,520
Sirs, madams,
538
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,840
Eliza Doolittle is a hot girl
539
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:08,080
who had to deal with everybody's
jealousy, even in the olden days.
540
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:09,720
00:25:23,960
SHOUTING
550
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,440
And scene!
551
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,640
SHOUTING STOPS
552
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,640
Erm...
553
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,520
USMA SIGHS
554
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,520
Judas!
555
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,880
Ladies and gentlemen
of the exam board,
556
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:36,000
we present to you Class K's
00:26:04,520
forced to become -
elegant but submissive.
563
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,960
And peng.
564
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,560
Harrison embodies the blank pages
in our lives that we are yet
565
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,800
to have written.
566
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,920
MUFFLED: Argh, argh, argh!
567
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,000
00:26:37,160
Oh...
576
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,040
Water!
577
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,480
I need water!
578
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,280
Ah!
579
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:48,920
To drink!
580
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:50,000
Oh.
581
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,600
And, ah, Mr Carmichael embodies
582
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,320
the core themes of Pygmalion...
583
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,000
..that within us all is a bold -
584
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,400
00:27:43,000
Oh, well, I didn't actually
write it.
594
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,640
You guys all assumed I did
and I was a little bit butt-hurt,
595
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,600
so I just went with it.
596
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:49,800
Sorry.
597
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,560
00:28:07,240
But you're not a terrible teacher.
Yeah. Aw!
605
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,120
I guess I am amazing. Hm!
606
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:10,360
Thank you!
607
00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:14,040
But if you wrote it, then why isn't
00:28:29,800
Oh...
614
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,840
Well, erm, you could tell me now.
615
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,800
Don't be a beg.
616
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,040
Come on, home time.
617
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,520
Warren, chair.
618
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,880
Oh, and you know the Burton suit?
619
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,000
Burn it.
620
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,440
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