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1
00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:05,738
I don't know what to get your
mother for our anniversary.
2
00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:09,475
After 22 years of marriage,
what can I possibly get her
3
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,377
that would really
make her happy?
4
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,612
You could always drop
Alf off in the desert.
5
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,483
No.
6
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:21,587
Wouldn't want to waste that
on anything less than our 25th.
7
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:24,023
- Ahh.
- Good morning, Alf.
8
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,759
- Yeah, yeah.
- What's the matter?
9
00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:30,095
- Didn't you sleep well?
- Is it that noticeable?
10
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,431
I tried using
Kate's cover stick
11
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:35,834
but I guess, unlike her,
I was too sparing with it.
12
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,339
Morning. Alf, um..
13
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:43,375
What are these orange
hairs doing in my cover stick?
14
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,978
Well, if they're brown at
the roots, they're yours.
15
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,615
What is his problem?
16
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:53,285
I'll tell you what my
problem is, as if you care.
17
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:56,588
I missed the Melmackian
rite of passage.
18
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,927
Does it involve a small goat
dressed in Kate's best pumps?
19
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:04,830
Because that's still
out of the question.
20
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:09,868
It so happens that on Melmac,
when a chap turns 233
21
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,738
he has 6 months to become
a minister
22
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:16,809
or spend the rest of
his life as an outcast.
23
00:01:16,811 --> 00:01:18,710
Alf, your planet exploded.
24
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:22,781
How much more of an
outcast can you possibly be?
25
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,216
Oh, you're right, Lynn.
26
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,218
I didn't see it that way.
27
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,686
Now let's see if you can help me
28
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:31,557
with my feelings of
disloyalty to my God.
29
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,226
- Alf, your God..
- Barry!
30
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,994
Mwah! Mwah!
31
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,063
Barry... understands
32
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,599
that you're outside his
jurisdiction.
33
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,535
Thank you, sister Kate.
34
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,070
No, I'm afraid if
you don't help me
35
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,172
become a minister in two weeks
36
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:51,243
I'll be a lost, wandering soul
for eternity.
37
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,911
I guess that would
affect the dynamics
38
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,380
of the whole family
then, wouldn't it?
39
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,616
Well, let's just say
Barry..
40
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:58,784
Mwah, mwah.
41
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,687
...help us all.
42
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,656
[theme music]
43
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,686
[music continues]
44
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,054
Homina, homina,
homina, baruch, romana..
45
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,123
[indistinct chatter]
46
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,091
...and we all say..
47
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,726
(all)
Amen.
48
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,429
Second verse, same as the first.
49
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,164
Alf.
50
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,933
Barry.. Mwah, mwah.
51
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,869
...says be seated.
52
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:28,173
We have come together
on this solemn occasion
53
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:32,444
to test whether or not
Gordon Shumway, that's me..
54
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,846
I'm doing double duty here.
55
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:38,383
...is ready to teach the
words of his holiness, Barry.
56
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,418
Mwah, mwah.
57
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,958
¶ Aaah Barry Barry bo ¶
58
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,526
¶ Barry bo nana fana fo ¶
59
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,862
¶ Barry be fine mo
Mary Mary.. ¶¶
60
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,498
- Alf!
- Okay, let's do Alf.
61
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,367
¶ Alf Alf bo Alf.. ¶¶
62
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,702
This is really silly.
63
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,971
What kinda religion is this
anyway?
64
00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:02,140
It's reformed.
What does it look like?
65
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,309
Now, the congregation
will now ask me
66
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,945
four questions from
the holy scroll.
67
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,882
If I answer three out of the
four right, I become a minister.
68
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,218
If I miss more than one..
69
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,887
Well, there's
always the open bar.
70
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,556
Brian, you're first.
71
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,892
Question number one.
72
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,862
"What's the kindest thing
you can do for someone else?"
73
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,999
Burp downwind.
74
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:31,236
He's right.
It says, "he who burps downwind
75
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:35,040
can party with me anytime."
76
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,409
Well, that's one right.
Three to go.
77
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,578
- Lynn?
- Okay.
78
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,581
[clears throat]
Question number two.
79
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:46,752
"What one gesture will prove
your undying love for another?"
80
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,756
A Mazda Miata.
81
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,358
- Well, how could Barry..
- Ah-ah-ah-ah.
82
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,093
Mwah, mwah.
...have known that?
83
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:58,163
- They just came out last year.
- Barry knows.
84
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,465
Actually, it says
any red convertible.
85
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,735
He's right.
86
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:07,372
Well, we've come to
the halfway point.
87
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,373
Brian?
88
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:14,546
"When does track lighting
go with Berber carpet?"
89
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,616
Ohh. Let's see.
90
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,285
Uh, when you stick
with stripes and solids
91
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:23,288
and stay away from patterns.
92
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,292
We worried about Barry,
but as long as he was happy.
93
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,561
That's wrong.
94
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,930
You're wrong, Alf.
"It's a stick with patterns
95
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,299
"stay away from solids,
they're cold
96
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:38,637
and they don't create
a welcome environment."
97
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:42,240
Ugh! Religion is so subjective.
98
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,542
This is your last chance.
99
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,844
So take advantage of the full
20 seconds.
100
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,448
"You've been dancing all night
101
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,616
"and you've noticed your
partner's dress shields
102
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,318
"have given out.
103
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,088
"You like her, but others are
starting to point.
104
00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:58,490
Do you tell her?"
105
00:05:58,492 --> 00:05:59,624
I remember this one.
106
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,793
The answer is "no."
107
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,663
Instead, you dance the first
slow dance
108
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,799
then reach in and change them
without her knowing.
109
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,870
He's right.
110
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,339
Congratulations,
Alf, you're a minister.
111
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:17,442
You know, I'm sorry if I
implied all this was frivolous.
112
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,311
Yes, yes!
113
00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:21,913
Oh, I've never won
anything before in my life!
114
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,315
Come on, everybody.
115
00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:27,185
Stand and follow my lead
for a big Barry bye-bye.
116
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,788
Mwah, mwah!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
117
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:33,158
I didn't say,
"Barry said stand."
118
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,860
Ugh. Now we're going to have
to do this
119
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,762
all over again.
120
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:37,796
- Ohh!
- What?
121
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,132
From the beginning.
122
00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:42,000
Start with the questions.
Brian?
123
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:49,141
Oh, homina, homina, homina
homina, homina, homina, homina.
124
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:52,477
¶ Oh-oh-oh-oh amen ¶¶
125
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:56,615
Hi, Alf.
126
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,184
How was your first
day as a minister?
127
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,786
Well, come, my flock.
128
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,954
It's time for me
to hear your sins
129
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,224
and earn a couple
of bucks on the side.
130
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:09,694
Oh, gee. I have the periodic
table of elements to memorize.
131
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:13,465
Otherwise..
...I'd find something else.
132
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,967
Heathenness!
133
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,903
Brian! Wee lad!
134
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:21,506
Sit on the stool!
Ease your burden of conscience
135
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,074
and lighten your soul.
136
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:26,511
There must be something
you're ashamed of.
137
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,181
Sorry. No, there isn't.
138
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:31,383
Oh, come on.
Of course there is.
139
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,218
I know guilt when I see it.
140
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:38,590
Now, sit down, fork
over two bucks, and dish.
141
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,759
All I've got is a quarter.
142
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:44,095
You're in luck.
It's happy hour.
143
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,765
Now, I want you to confess
the things you've done
144
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,701
that you don't want
anyone to know about.
145
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,471
But if I tell you, you'll know.
146
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,907
Then I'll close the shutters,
and I won't know who you are.
147
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:59,344
But you already know who I am.
148
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,680
Take your quarter.
Go to your room.
149
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,282
- Get out of here.
- Thanks. This was fun.
150
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,054
There but for the grace
of Barry..
151
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,288
Mwah, mwah.
152
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,323
...go I.
153
00:08:15,229 --> 00:08:17,162
Kate! Say yay-ah!
154
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,631
- Hi, Alf.
- Ahh!
155
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,733
Barry is speakin'
through me now.
156
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,302
I feel good,
just like I knew I would.
157
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,339
I feel fine.
It must be divine.
158
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:29,407
Walk to me, Kate. Walk to me.
159
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:32,010
Show me you can walk.
160
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,713
I'll show you something else in
a minute if you don't stop it.
161
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,815
Ahh, aggression.
162
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:40,619
What has made this tired,
haggard woman so bitter?
163
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,420
What a life she must have had.
164
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:45,757
Everybody,
everybody, please stand.
165
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,592
Pray for her.
166
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,928
¶ Amazing grace ¶
167
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,998
¶ How sweet thou art ¶
168
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,668
¶ To save a wretch like Kate ¶¶
169
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,336
Shut up!
170
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,338
Oh! I forgive you.
171
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,840
See how easy that was?
172
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:04,342
Now, come on, Kate.
It's only two bucks.
173
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:10,649
I would rather confess
my sins to Jimmy Swaggart.
174
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,385
You'd have to go to a
cheap motel for that!
175
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,655
[sighs]
176
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,223
This family's gonna burn.
177
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:31,303
Uh-oh. I hear the pitter-patter
of pious paws.
178
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:33,672
I bet you can't say
that six times fast.
179
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,374
[knocking on door]
180
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:40,011
(Alf)
'Are you being
fruitful and multiplying?'
181
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:43,114
- None of your business.
- 'Oh, good.'
182
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,316
(Alf)
'Then I can come in.'
183
00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:46,151
[door opens]
184
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,819
Don't mind if I do.
185
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,120
You're too kind.
186
00:09:51,525 --> 00:09:53,158
Say, did it ever occur to you
187
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,727
that we might just
want our privacy?
188
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,562
Well, you always
say to ask first
189
00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:00,031
ever since that one time.
190
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,334
That was pretty
embarrassing for you.
191
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:04,569
I know it was for me.
192
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:07,706
- What do you want?
- I've got a problem.
193
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:11,309
I'm in terrible danger
of losing my ministry.
194
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,080
And the problem?
195
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:18,149
Oh, hardy har har.
196
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:21,353
Men of peace are always
objects of ridicule.
197
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:23,221
Read this and weep.
198
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,594
"Can you find Barry
in this picture?"
199
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,497
No! I'm talking about
the paragraph under the
200
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:36,501
"can you help Barry
get out of the maze?"
201
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:40,005
"If the newly ordained minister
does not perform a good deed
202
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:43,742
"by officiating at a hallowed
ceremony within ten working days
203
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:48,980
"thereby proving his worth
as a man of the cloth, the..
204
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,349
"...the penance shall be dire
205
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:55,253
and catastrophic to all those
concerned."
206
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,055
There he is.
There's Barry right there.
207
00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,025
Right by the big clock.
You see? You see his face?
208
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,393
- Look.
- Willie.
209
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,428
- Hmm?
- Honey, focus.
210
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,598
We may be in big trouble.
I need you with me.
211
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,635
There go all my dreams,
my hopes.
212
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:14,773
My plans for building
a religious theme park.
213
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,941
Look, can we get back to that
"dire penance" thing?
214
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,177
Just exactly how dire
are we talking?
215
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,913
[yodeling]
216
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:22,914
Stop it!
217
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,785
Alright?
I know it's fun now.
218
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,586
Just wait 20 years.
219
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,889
Because after midnight tonight
220
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,491
I'll be bound by all that's holy
221
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,894
to yodel for the
rest of my life.
222
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:45,270
Honey, I'm afraid.
223
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:48,239
Sweetie, we're all afraid
224
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,942
but luckily, I have a plan.
225
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:54,345
Now, call me crazy,
but what if, say
226
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:58,550
I were to officiate at a renewal
of your wedding vows?
227
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:01,853
Not in my lifetime.
228
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:07,292
Alf, you're millions and
millions of miles away.
229
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:11,463
Do you think Barry will really
know if you don't yodel?
230
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,499
This planet's on the side
of his good ear.
231
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,134
He'll know.
232
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,837
So think about it.
Let me know in the morning.
233
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,175
He's really got us by
the lederhosen, hasn't he?
234
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,078
Speak for yourself.
235
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,249
[Alf yodeling]
236
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,693
[Alf yodeling]
237
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:51,836
I like yodeling as much as the
next guy, but I have my limits.
238
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,872
I know, Bri.
Your mother and I
239
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,040
have had plenty of time
to discuss this matter.
240
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,610
We just seem to be of
somewhat different opinions.
241
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,678
It's just that I think
this maybe another trick of Alf
242
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,281
just to get us to do
what he wants us to do.
243
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,484
Oh, I say, who cares?
Let's just do it.
244
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,353
Mom, I know you're
really against it
245
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,355
but I think the idea's romantic.
246
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,323
And you were wondering
what to do for your anniversary.
247
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,425
I just don't know
what it would do to the sanctity
248
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,261
of our marriage
to be joined by a minister
249
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:20,932
who sucks cranberry juice
through his nose.
250
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,669
Still, he seems sincere,
and he did get Bar..
251
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:28,973
Mwah, mwah.
Barry out of the maze.
252
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,075
[coughing]
253
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:34,779
Could I have some hot tea
with lemon, please?
254
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,549
[yodeling]
255
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:39,584
[coughing]
256
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:46,758
Only 400 more years of this,
then I get to die.
257
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,326
Look at him, Kate.
258
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:52,931
He's a drooling,
sniveling, pathetic mess.
259
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,867
Oh, that's it, Willie.
Really sell it.
260
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,236
[yodeling]
261
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,205
[coughing]
262
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,240
Don't let me..
263
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,274
[yodeling]
264
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,210
[coughing]
265
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:08,546
...influence you.
266
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,481
How about it, Kate?
267
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,916
You wanna get married?
268
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,551
Would it mean
he'd stop yodeling?
269
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,556
I would love to marry you,
honey.
270
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:21,292
And I don't feel
manipulated at all.
271
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,493
[coughing]
272
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,495
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
273
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,364
Now, if you'll excuse me
274
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:30,301
I'm gonna try to find a cough
drop the size of Dom Deluise.
275
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,336
[coughing]
276
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:36,040
'Oops. Watch your step.
I'll get that later.'
277
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,551
Do you think if I tried yodeling
278
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,653
I could get a new Nintendo game?
279
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,289
No, but it might get you
a new set of teeth.
280
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,658
Come on.
The first one's free.
281
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,194
I'm sorry.
I guess I'm overly anxious
282
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,929
that everything goes smoothly.
283
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,330
Do you have the ring?
284
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:03,434
No, I sold for three
magic beans.
285
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,838
- Brian, go get your father.
- Why, what's wrong?
286
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,141
Nothing. And whatever you do,
tell him not to panic.
287
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,377
Oh, my God!
What-what's happened?
288
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,245
No to worry.
289
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,481
But I was just using my
Barry-decoder ring
290
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:19,050
to figure out this last puzzle.
291
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:23,021
And I thought I should alert you
to a potential problem.
292
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,056
You look really sharp,
by the way.
293
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,458
Alf, what's the problem?
294
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,061
Well, it's just that
if you and Kate
295
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,264
aren't truly moved by my
ceremony
296
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,200
just call me Heidi,
the lonely goatherd.
297
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:41,139
- What a wondrous religion.
- Isn't it?
298
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,107
It's for ages three and up.
299
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,412
Well? How do I look?
300
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,447
Mom, you look beautiful.
301
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,815
You look neat.
302
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,051
My bride.
303
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,452
I think I'll keep her.
304
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,256
Kate, white?
305
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,658
I mean, you're at
least three kids past white.
306
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,397
Or, white.
White's just as good.
307
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,400
[doorbell ringing]
308
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,668
Good timing.
309
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:17,108
- It's Mrs. Ochmonek.
- Oh, great. Alf..
310
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,912
Okay, okay.
What would Jim Bakker do?
311
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:24,148
I know. I'll be on the floor
in a fetal position.
312
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,223
- Oh, hi, Raquel.
- Hello. Oh, my. Look at you.
313
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:36,127
Um, I saw all those lovely
flowers being delivered
314
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,763
and I thought
somebody might be sick.
315
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,165
It's, uh..
316
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,834
Um..
317
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,369
It's Brian's turtle.
318
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,676
- Oh, no! Gabby.
- Oh, for heaven's sake.
319
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:55,046
- You don't even have a turtle.
- Then who's Gabby?
320
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:56,047
Later.
321
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:04,122
Yes, uh, Brian's turtle Gabby
passed away last night.
322
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,358
And we were just about to have
a memorial service for him.
323
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,061
Oh, I see.
324
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,264
And was that Gabby's
favorite dress?
325
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,900
Uh, yes, as a matter
of fact, it was.
326
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:18,069
He was a very complex turtle.
327
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,772
I guess.
328
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:22,540
Well, if there's
anything I can do..
329
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,308
You mean, in lieu of flowers?
330
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,110
Look, this sounds crazy, I know
331
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:29,180
but you could send a check
to the New York City Ballet.
332
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,851
He was quite a patron
of the arts.
333
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,189
If you want me to leave,
why don't you just say so?
334
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,491
In fact, don't even say so.
I'll leave on my own.
335
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,660
I think that would be best.
I-I'm sorry, Raquel.
336
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,562
We're, we're not ourselves.
337
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,733
I think we handled that
pretty well.
338
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,638
Well, I expect to see you
in confession tomorrow.
339
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,742
- Bring your checkbook.
- Alf, please. Let's..
340
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,211
Let's just get this over with.
341
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:04,082
Uh-oh. It's Heidi time.
342
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,716
Ah, what does he mean by that?
343
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:09,887
Oh, I think what Alf is trying
to say is that
344
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,757
this is an expression
of our love.
345
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,760
Uh, I can't think of any better
way to spend our anniversary
346
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,497
than to, to confirm our vows
all over again.
347
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,999
Well, how do you say that
with a straight face?
348
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,204
Is everybody ready?
349
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,238
Lynn?
350
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:29,540
[button clicks]
351
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,076
[instrumental music]
352
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,978
[Alf clears throat]
353
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,313
Ah..
354
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:39,016
We are gathered here
to witness the rejoining
355
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:42,353
of these two pretty
wonderful kids.
356
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:45,456
Two people who are
more in love today
357
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:49,227
than they were when
they first met 22 years ago.
358
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:52,230
Pretty touching, huh?
359
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,464
Willie, you're on.
360
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,267
Kate..
361
00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:00,638
I take you for my wife.
362
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,074
To support and care for you
363
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,710
to love you and cherish you
364
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:09,213
as I have since the
first day we ever met.
365
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:13,151
You've given me three
beautiful children.
366
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:17,889
And you've filled my life
with joy and with love.
367
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:21,592
May our lives together be long
and happy.
368
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,732
Willie..
369
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,467
[chuckles]
370
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,970
I, I take you to be my husband,
371
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:37,975
to, to care for you and,
and to support you.
372
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:41,913
To share your joy
and your sorrow.
373
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,981
You're my rock.
374
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,751
You're my strength.
375
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,286
And I'll love you forever.
376
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:56,961
- Congratulations, mom and dad.
- Alright!
377
00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,331
Hey, wait a second!
It's not over yet.
378
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:04,769
What do you mean?
Kate and I were both very moved.
379
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,905
Now we're back to being
a yodel-free household.
380
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:11,275
Yeah, but it wasn't
because of anything I said.
381
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:12,877
Now, the rules specifically
state--
382
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,347
Look, Alf, being a minister
doesn't depend on
383
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:19,450
just blindly following
what's written in a book.
384
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,486
It's how you live.
It's teachings.
385
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:25,923
You did something
wonderful here
386
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:29,026
and we were moved.
387
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:33,497
Now I'm left feeling
empty and void and hollow.
388
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:37,134
Well, Alf, what was it
you would have said?
389
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:41,005
Well, I probably would
have opened with a joke.
390
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,275
See, you know, something
to loosen the crowd.
391
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,612
Then I probably would
have gone on to say
392
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:51,215
how hard it is to
express true feelings.
393
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:54,852
Because it's hard to tell
somebody how much you love them.
394
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:58,623
And when I see the
ease with which you two
395
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:02,026
declare your love over and over
396
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,395
well, I know that
nothing can ever
397
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,665
come along to destroy it.
398
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,667
Now I'll never get a chance
to say that.
399
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,157
Bummer.
400
00:21:16,158 --> 00:21:17,808
Just when I thought
you couldn't surprise me.
401
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:21,178
Oh! Ha-ha! A tear!
Hey, you saw it!
402
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:24,348
You all saw it!
I've got witnesses.
403
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:25,783
I think that Barry..
404
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,151
Mwah, mwah.
405
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:30,254
...if he's listening,
with his good ear
406
00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:31,522
is very proud of you.
407
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:33,691
Ha! Ha! Thank you!
408
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,726
Hey, now I'd like
to say a few words
409
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:39,030
about a brave young
turtle named Gabby.
410
00:21:39,032 --> 00:21:42,266
For a turtle,
he was kind of slow
411
00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:44,468
but we loved him nonetheless.
412
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:47,638
He was a dear pet, a nice pet.
413
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,173
A non-existent pet.
414
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,850
- Morning, Alf.
- Morning.
415
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:02,086
You're not wearing your robes.
416
00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:04,622
Well, now that I've
completed my training
417
00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:07,124
I only have to serve
one weekend a month
418
00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:09,627
plus two weeks
during the summer
419
00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:13,230
unless there's a
national emergency.
420
00:22:13,232 --> 00:22:16,734
Well, I gotta give you credit,
Alf. It was..
421
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,904
...it was a very sweet ceremony.
422
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,273
Well, thanks, Kate.
423
00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:24,975
So, uh, how was the
old wedding night?
424
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:27,645
Hubba hubba, ding ding!
425
00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:30,481
How the mighty have fallen.
426
00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:32,283
That good, huh?
427
00:22:32,285 --> 00:22:34,885
And while you're
still in a giving mood
428
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:36,787
isn't it customary to
tip the one
429
00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:39,290
who performs the ceremony?
430
00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:41,092
Don't you think it's payment
enough to know
431
00:22:41,094 --> 00:22:42,927
that you've done
something admirable
432
00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:45,896
for your fellow bipeds?
433
00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:48,833
Look, I'll give you a receipt
for twice the amount
434
00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:51,335
and you could write
it off on your taxes.
435
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,070
What's the big deal?
436
00:22:53,072 --> 00:22:54,405
I'll tell you what, Alf.
437
00:22:54,407 --> 00:22:57,908
How about a German
chocolate cake?
438
00:22:57,910 --> 00:23:00,478
Really? Sold!
439
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:05,783
As Barry is my witness,
I'll never go hungry again.
440
00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:08,285
Ah, ha!
441
00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:11,255
[theme music]
442
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:15,259
[music continues]
443
00:23:40,553 --> 00:23:41,886
Yodelayheehoo!
35112
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