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1
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:04,470
Hey, Willie, when does
the band get here?
2
00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,672
No band, ALF.
3
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,975
Well then, who's gonna
back up the dancing poodles?
4
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:14,113
There are no dancing poodles.
5
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:17,316
Yeah, there are.
I saw them on "Letterman."
6
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:19,752
They dance pretty
good for white dogs.
7
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,155
No poodles, ALF.
8
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,723
And next time, I'll thank you
9
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,092
not to order dancing dogs
10
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,328
without asking me first.
11
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,829
Okay.
12
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,532
So, when do all
the guests arrive?
13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,667
Neal? He'll be here soon.
14
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,203
He just had to stop
off for a bottle of wine.
15
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:41,440
So, my third anniversary
of landing on your planet
16
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,775
is gonna be just another day
17
00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:45,310
except for toilet
paper on the ceiling
18
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,579
and a piece of dry cake.
19
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:51,517
Gee, guys.
I'm all misty.
20
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:54,686
ALF, we're trying to make
this as special as we can, huh?
21
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,656
By the way,
this isn't toilet paper.
22
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,591
Well, it does the job
23
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,660
although it chafes.
24
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,829
[telephone ringing]
25
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,064
I'll get it.
26
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,366
Here, ALF. Does this look
like your spaceship?
27
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,634
(Kate)
'Hello?'
28
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:09,935
Well, you forgot
the bumper sticker.
29
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,838
"My other spaceship
is a Porsche."
30
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,174
Other than that, it's a
pretty feeble attempt.
31
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:18,277
Ah. Calm down, mom.
I can hardly hear you.
32
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,779
Where are you?
33
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,347
The airport?
34
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,084
Don't invite her!
Don't invite her!
35
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:27,986
What's wrong?
36
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,255
Oh..
37
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,957
Oh, n.. No, no.
38
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,027
Stay right where you are.
I'm on my way.
39
00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:38,297
I thought you said we
couldn't have a dancing dog?
40
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,532
- ALF.
- You're right.
41
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:44,036
Who am I to assume
she knows how to dance?
42
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,205
What happened to grandma?
43
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,240
Mom and Whizzer had a fight.
44
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,710
She left him.
I gotta go pick her up.
45
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,146
What, is her thumb broken?
46
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,982
[theme music]
47
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,943
[instrumental music]
48
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:03,248
Okay, okay, uh, we've got
a clock and a bird.
49
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,416
- Uh-huh.
- Bird-watch!
50
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,486
- Uh-unh!
- Uh, uh, bird-watching!
51
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,389
- That's it, let's eat.
- Uh-unh!
52
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,524
Are you sure?
53
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,626
Watch. Bird.
54
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,163
Watch-bird.
55
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:25,070
One flew over the cuckoo's nest!
56
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,638
Ugh!
57
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:31,076
That's my final answer.
Make it work.
58
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,680
Oh, come on!
59
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,216
What else could it be?
60
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:38,217
[timer dings]
61
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:42,020
What about "time flies?"
62
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:45,090
What about a
halfway decent clue?
63
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,262
Are you having fun, ALF?
64
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,830
Yeah. Great party.
65
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,800
Considering you guys
wouldn't let me have helium.
66
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,804
Ah.. Oh, aha.
67
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,840
I believe I smell a victory.
68
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,076
- Ready?
- Uh, yeah.
69
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,044
Go.
70
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,980
(Brian)
'Okay.'
71
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,014
West!
72
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,916
West..
73
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,017
Z..
74
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,151
Sleep?
75
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,453
Quiet.
76
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,954
"All Quiet
On The Western Front!"
77
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,723
That's it.
78
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,658
Boy, way to go.
79
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,327
How come they always
get the easy ones?
80
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,164
"Time flies?"
81
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,899
[doorbell rings]
82
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,203
Oh, boy! The guest has arrived.
83
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,576
What on earth?
84
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,177
Hi, Willie.
85
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,445
Hi, everyone.
86
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,813
Hi, ALF.
87
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,615
Happy anniversary.
88
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,517
Hi, Uncle Neal.
89
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,918
Hi, Uncle Neal.
90
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,421
Why are you dressed like a bed?
91
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:53,158
ALF said it was a toga party.
92
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,662
Shoot! That was the call
I was supposed to make.
93
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:01,600
I'll, uh, I'll get you
something to put on.
94
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,669
Or we could all wear sheets!
95
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:07,606
Lynn? To-ga! To-ga! To-ga!
96
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,876
Fat chance,
fat chance, fat chance.
97
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,779
So where are the dogs?
98
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,785
They're at the airport.
99
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,820
I heard that.
100
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,355
He's upset because
Kate went to the airport
101
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,057
to pick up her mother,
and he's afraid
102
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,758
that she's gonna
spoil his party.
103
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,927
Oh. What brings Dorothy to town?
104
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,264
Oh, she and Whizzer
had another fight.
105
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:33,832
She flew out by herself.
106
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,934
Aw, that's a shame.
107
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,371
Another marriage
flapping in shallow water.
108
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:42,240
That's how I felt when
Margaret dumped me.
109
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:46,678
Oh, great. My party's turning
into a suicide watch.
110
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,982
[instrumental music]
111
00:05:56,323 --> 00:06:00,592
Everything I own in the world
is in those suitcases.
112
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,561
Mrs. Deaver,
we're very, very sorry
113
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,862
about any inconvenience.
114
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,364
If they are not
on the next plane
115
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,598
we will have them delivered
116
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,600
as soon as we can locate them.
117
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,068
Please accept this coupon
118
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,604
good for one free
drink plus earphones
119
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,272
on your next
international flight
120
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,875
some restrictions apply.
121
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:17,909
Listen, young man.
122
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,277
This is not the first time
123
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,679
I have gone through
this on your airline.
124
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:23,515
Okay. Look.
Alright, I confess.
125
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,983
I took your bags.
126
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,651
I was behind you on
the counter in St. Louis.
127
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:30,155
I said to myself, "Whoo, this
lady must have pretty things"
128
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,125
is that what you want to hear?
129
00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:35,827
Well, there's no
need to get nasty.
130
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:39,164
I'll check one more time,
because I care.
131
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,867
Have a seat.
132
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,735
Smart aleck.
133
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,138
[sighs]
Mom.
134
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:48,907
Oh, Kate! Oh,
it's so good to see you.
135
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,843
I have been looking
all over for you.
136
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:52,844
What happened?
137
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,980
Oh, it was awful.
138
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,482
I did roadside
check-in in St. Louis.
139
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,151
Never do that. Always
take your bags straight..
140
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:03,755
Mom, mom. I was talking
about you and Whizzer.
141
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,457
Look, I don't want
to talk about it.
142
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,793
I have more important
things on my mind.
143
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:11,430
Okay, here. Come here.
Come here. Sit down.
144
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,865
Mom, you can replace luggage.
145
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,801
You can't replace a husband.
146
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,170
That depends on the luggage.
147
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,038
Mom. Whizzer?
148
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,008
He's dead. How's the baby?
149
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:25,076
You flew 2,000 miles,
you call me in a panic
150
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,480
you don't want
to discuss it, fine.
151
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,982
He doesn't give a damn about me.
152
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,852
All he cares about
is jazz, jazz, jazz.
153
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,488
The man is a
cultural cul-de-sac.
154
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,722
Do you know what it is like
155
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,224
trying to reason with someone
156
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:41,493
while he's draining
his spit valve?
157
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:48,133
Mom, you knew a spit valve
came with the marriage.
158
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,168
But I didn't know
my home would end up
159
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,804
being a storage locker in L.A.
160
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:56,441
All I asked from him was
to give up his lifestyle
161
00:07:56,443 --> 00:08:01,313
and stay in one place.
Here. He said no.
162
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:05,183
So, I suggested a new place to
store his saxophone and left.
163
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,187
Mom, you knew how important
164
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,755
being on the road
was to Whizzer.
165
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,692
Now, is it possible
that you're not being
166
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:16,261
totally sensitive
to his feelings?
167
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:20,565
Kate, that is not fair.
I'm a very sensitive person.
168
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,034
I'm sorry.
169
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,971
Now, where's
rain man with my bags?
170
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,407
What?
171
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,613
Alright! Come on,
I'm on a roll.
172
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,781
Hit me with another one.
173
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:39,351
Um, okay.
174
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:40,552
Okay.
175
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,987
Okay.
176
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,422
[piano music]
177
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,958
Ehh! "The Jeffersons!"
178
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,861
Mid '70 situation comedy
179
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,763
known today as "Amen."
180
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,098
- Oh, Lynn, you know that.
- I know.
181
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,433
Come on, come on, I'm hot.
182
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:58,603
Alright, alright, here it goes.
Here's one. Uh..
183
00:08:58,605 --> 00:08:59,604
[piano music]
184
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:02,641
Eh! "Green Acres!"
185
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,076
Eddie Albert, Eva Gabor
186
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,579
finest of the rural comedies.
187
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,148
- Next! Huh.
- Okay.
188
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,783
H-here's one you don't know.
189
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,419
Oh. Uh..
190
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,354
[piano music]
191
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:21,059
Ehh! "Arnie."
192
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:25,897
Herschel Bernardi stepping stone
to "Fiddler On The Roof."
193
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,933
Next.
194
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,734
Can we play something else?
195
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,937
Something maybe
we can all take part in?
196
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,739
No! Next!
197
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,876
Brian, uh, is it past, uh
198
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,245
certain somebody's bed time?
199
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,514
You want us to wake you when
grandma Dorothy gets here?
200
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:44,349
Only if she brought me
something.
201
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,952
If not, tell her I'll see her
in the morning.
202
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:51,156
[telephone ringing]
203
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:52,891
Hello?
204
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,859
Oh, hi, honey. Where are you?
205
00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:57,596
What? Well.. W-what happened?
206
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:01,299
Oh, don't tell me.
She's been taken hostage.
207
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,935
I say no deals.
208
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,503
They're still at the airport.
They..
209
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:08,607
Th-they lost
Dorothy's suitcases.
210
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,475
Too bad they didn't lose her.
211
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,312
I can't get the two of them
don't get along.
212
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,981
Oh, they've had their moments.
213
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,882
Luckily, one of us
is always been around
214
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,451
to turn the hose on them.
215
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,121
Well, tell her we say "hi."
216
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,191
Fun?
217
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,326
I wouldn't say fun.
218
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,129
Hurry home, though.
219
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,031
We'll save you some cake.
220
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,800
[doorbell rings]
221
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,003
Wait, don't tell me!
222
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,473
You got me my dancing
poodles after all!
223
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,742
Oh, I shouldn't
have said anything.
224
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,678
I spoiled the surprise.
225
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,146
Get in the kitchen.
226
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,548
Oh, you're really
gonna milk this, huh?
227
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,885
Okay. I'll try to
look surprised.
228
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,021
How's this?
229
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,628
Well, it's Whizzer!
230
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,729
Whizzer!
231
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,698
Hi, Willie.
Is Dorothy here?
232
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,367
No, Kate just went to
pick her up at the airport.
233
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,036
I must have just missed them.
234
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,170
Hi, Neal. Hi, Lynn.
235
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,606
- Hi, Whizzer.
- Hi, Whizzer.
236
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:15,807
I guess you heard.
237
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,575
About your fight with Dorothy?
238
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,310
The woman is impossible.
239
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,479
Nothing I do seems
to please her.
240
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,248
I'm telling you, this thing
has got me so worked up
241
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,050
I don't know what to do anymore.
242
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,584
I would have called, but..
243
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:29,287
I've been a bundle of raw
nerves ever since the argument.
244
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,056
It's all I can do,
is to keep myself
245
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,625
from losing it altogether.
246
00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:35,026
- I need a beer.
- No!
247
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:39,130
Relax! I'll leave a buck on
the counter, you cheapskate!
248
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,733
Oh, I'm sorry.
249
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,802
See what I mean?
250
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,904
S-stop!
251
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,106
[screaming]
252
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,774
(ALF)
'Arf, arf.'
253
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,676
'Would you believe "meow?"'
254
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,678
[instrumental music]
255
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,385
[instrumental music]
256
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,723
How's your headache, Whizzer?
257
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,491
It's getting better.
258
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,159
You know, I always thought
that "hitting the ceiling"
259
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,361
was just an expression.
260
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,397
Does he, uh, levitate,
or cure people
261
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,532
by touching them, or anything?
262
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:18,203
You kidding?
Can't even make his own bed.
263
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,306
I can so!
264
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,842
I just don't want to.
265
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:26,811
You know, I've played a lot of
clubs over the year, but, uh
266
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,981
you're the third strangest
things I've ever seen.
267
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,684
Really? Does that include Kate?
268
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,122
[sighs]
Here you go, Whizzer.
Drink this.
269
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,791
Your pupils are dilating nicely.
270
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,893
Thank you.
271
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,595
So, ALF, uh..
272
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,764
What have you done
since you got here?
273
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,566
Well, I, uh..
274
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,034
Uh, w.. I, uh..
275
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,904
Uh..
276
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,773
Willie?
277
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,709
Oh, well, he..
278
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,511
...he eats a lot.
279
00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,579
Have I left anything out, ALF?
280
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,050
This is incredible.
281
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,919
First, my wife leaves me
282
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,554
then I meet an alien.
283
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:12,090
How many people can say that?
284
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:22,600
(Dorothy)
You think, if they could get 250
tons of metal supply
285
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,703
how hard could it be to find
two pieces of luggage
286
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:29,140
day glow pink yarn?
287
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,708
Mom, enough talk
about the luggage.
288
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:34,612
They said, they'll call, they'll
call. You're driving me crazy.
289
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,482
You used to be
such an agreeable child.
290
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,086
Mom, Whizzer has been
playing music for 40 years
291
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,555
he has known you
for less than two
292
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:46,057
you're behaving like a child.
293
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,992
Why don't you just call him?
294
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,495
And give him the satisfaction?
295
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,398
- Mom!
- Anyway, I can't.
296
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,233
I don't even know where he is.
297
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,969
For all I know, he's in some
two-bit jazz club
298
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,805
buying a drink for some
lonely middle-age floozy.
299
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:03,274
- Oh, Whizzer won't do that.
- Are you kidding?
300
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,210
How do you think he met me?
301
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:09,280
[instrumental music]
302
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,852
Come on, 7, come, 11.
303
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:16,821
Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.
304
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:20,124
Don't give me no boxcars, baby.
305
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:21,392
Yeah, oh, yeah
306
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,228
mama, come to papa.
307
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:26,097
You know what I like.
308
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:30,101
Do you have to comment
on every single card?
309
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,369
It's a quick drop
from wonderment
310
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,872
to aggravation,
isn't it, Whizzer?
311
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,140
Come on, shut up and bet.
312
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,642
Who didn't ante?
313
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,077
You, ALF.
314
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,245
Oh, right.
315
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,180
Cover me, Neal.
316
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,649
What's the limit?
317
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,952
$5.00. Same as it was
a half an hour ago.
318
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:50,855
Okay, keep your shorts on.
319
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:53,591
I open for a quarter.
320
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,159
- I'm in.
- Me, too.
321
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,194
I'll stay for a quarter.
322
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,195
Sure, why not?
323
00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:00,198
Well, too rich for my blood.
324
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,467
You were the one
that made the bet!
325
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,435
Oh, hello, Mr. Hoyle!
326
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,405
I didn't see you come in!
327
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,773
Cards, everybody.
328
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,976
Okay, I'll stay
with what I've got.
329
00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:13,845
Two's fine.
330
00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:15,480
One, please.
331
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,116
Will you not
332
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,185
please not keep
looking at my cards?
333
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,621
Then keep them out of my face.
334
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,391
Give me two.
335
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,359
Dealer takes three.
336
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,662
That sounds good.
I'll have the same.
337
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:33,131
You already said
you didn't want any.
338
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,666
It's too late.
339
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:39,203
But that was before I knew
what Willie's cards were.
340
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:42,106
I'm out.
341
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,075
What was the limit, again?
342
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,411
(all)
$5.00!
343
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:50,014
Well, in that case,
I'll bet 35 cents.
344
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,919
I'll see that 35 cents
345
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,288
and I'll raise you $1.00.
346
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,823
I'm out.
347
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,458
Yep, me too.
348
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,560
Well, they're dropping
like flies.
349
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,295
The bluff's working.
350
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,830
Alright, I'll see that $1.00
351
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:09,801
and I'll keep it company
with.. What's the limit?
352
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:13,271
I'm kidding!
Kidding, man!
353
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,440
Uh, Willie
354
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,308
would you stake me?
355
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,845
To what?
Uh, I mean, yeah. Sure.
356
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:26,150
Hm.
357
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,919
Oh, come on,
Uncle Neal, stay in.
358
00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:29,220
He can't know what he's doing.
359
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,456
Don't be a fool, Neal, fold.
360
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,559
Nobody plays that stupidly
without having a plan.
361
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,729
Trust me, there's no plan.
362
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:43,034
Okay, I'll see you four
363
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,237
and I'll raise you five.
364
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,573
What do you say, big talker?
365
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:54,512
Thanks.
Let's see 'em, Neal!
366
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,948
Three queens!
What have you got?
367
00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,585
Well, enough sense not to bet
with my own money!
368
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:04,822
My deal! Five-card draw,
all red cards wild!
369
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,662
Well, the place
is still standing.
370
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,499
What did you do, dump the alien?
371
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,401
No, he's still with us.
372
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,435
As a matter of fact,
we're throwing him
373
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,970
a party in his honor.
374
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:20,605
Open or closed casket?
375
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,374
[sighs]
I'm sorry.
376
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,876
I guess I'm just upset.
377
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:28,546
It's not every day
you lose your luggage.
378
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,581
Mom, you'll spend
the night with us
379
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,483
and in the morning, you'll
get in touch with Whizzer
380
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,285
and discuss your differences
381
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,988
like mature, rational adults.
382
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:39,424
(Whizzer)
Come on, come on,
give me my cards!
383
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,526
- Give me my cards back!
- No!
384
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:42,727
- Yes!
- Make me!
385
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,928
Step outside, you little--
386
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,797
Whizzer!
387
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:46,964
Dorothy.
388
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,067
What are you doing here?
389
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,568
I came looking for you.
390
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,839
So, you met cousin "IT."
391
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,341
Met him?
He's cheated me at cards.
392
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,010
Sore loser!
393
00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:01,412
Can't prove it.
394
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,114
Oh, Dorothy,
good to see you again.
395
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,982
Yes, Willie.
396
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,885
- Hi, grandma.
- Ah, sweetheart.
397
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,987
- Hi, Dorothy.
- Hello, Neal.
398
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,857
Oh, I 'm sorry about
you and Margaret.
399
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,393
Aw, thanks, Dorothy.
It was a tough adjustment.
400
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,594
I mean, after all,
when you've spent
401
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,595
as much time with one person--
402
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,063
Can it, Neal!
403
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,998
She's not interested.
404
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,468
So, Dorothy, can I
get you something?
405
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:27,004
A cab? A rickshaw? A broom?
406
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:32,009
No, maybe just a baseball bat
407
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,945
and a small body bag.
408
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:36,614
I-I think maybe
we should give
409
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,083
Dorothy and ALF
a little privacy.
410
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,985
Don't you mean Whizzer?
411
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,019
What did I say?
412
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,421
You said "ALF."
413
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:46,023
Oh, what could I
have been thinking?
414
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:49,260
Mom, talk to Whizzer.
415
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:53,030
Not in front of
the orange hairball.
416
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,832
At least mine's natural.
417
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:02,039
Come on, Whizzer,
we have got to talk.
418
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:06,144
She's just cranky because Toto
escaped from her little basket.
419
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,748
Look, Whizzer
420
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,619
we're obviously two
very different people
421
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,522
with two completely
different approaches to life
422
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,158
who happen to be
attracted to each other.
423
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,527
The only solution
that I can see is
424
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,629
you have to change.
425
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,231
Dorothy, what are you doing?
What do you want?
426
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,500
[sighs]
Triplets.
427
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,736
What do you think I want?
I want a home.
428
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,104
Is that too much to ask?
429
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:35,673
Oh, so we're starting
on that one again.
430
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,875
Look, there's one thing
you have to understand.
431
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,978
You're not more important
in this relationship than I am.
432
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,182
- I don't think that!
- Yes, you do.
433
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,350
So what if I do?
434
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,886
Well, I think if we have a
prayer of making this marriage
435
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,755
work, we're gonna
have to ask ourselves
436
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,924
one very important question.
437
00:19:52,926 --> 00:19:55,560
And be honest.
438
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,596
Do you love me,
or am I just convenient?
439
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,731
You're convenient.
440
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,201
Well, so are you.
441
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,102
And I love you.
442
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,104
And I love you.
443
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:11,676
You know, you'd think after
three marriages between us, we'd
444
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,544
we'd be better at this?
445
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,080
So, what are we gonna do?
446
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:20,084
Well, each of us is going to
have to give up something.
447
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,186
You first.
448
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,323
Well, I can't give
up music, but..
449
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,658
...I will agree to look
for a permanent gig
450
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,660
and wherever
that turns out to be
451
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,829
we can live there.
How's that?
452
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:35,666
That is so giving
and thoughtful of you.
453
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,335
- Can we live here?
- No.
454
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,571
Now, this is the part where
you have to give up something.
455
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,074
Alright, I'll give up
the triplets.
456
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:46,310
What do I need with
more stretch marks, anyway?
457
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:50,581
- Dorothy.
- Tsk. But I like being here.
458
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,084
I like being close
to Kate and the kids.
459
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,253
How can you ask
me to give that up?
460
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,189
Well, I was hoping
you'd like to be near me.
461
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,494
Do you say that to
every cheap floozy
462
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,663
you pick up at a bar?
463
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,833
Only the ones I marry.
464
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,606
Oh, gross!
465
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:19,810
Now, I won't be able
to eat for a week.
466
00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:25,416
Kate! Get in the kitchen
and hose down your mother.
467
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:27,118
Yuck!
468
00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:29,053
[instrumental music]
469
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:36,527
Ahem. You know, I miss
being nice like this.
470
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:40,665
I know.
I hate it when we fight.
471
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,267
Of course, making
up has its advantages.
472
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,169
[chuckling]
473
00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:48,472
[both moan]
474
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:49,907
Are you sure
you two wouldn't be
475
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,510
more comfortable at the y?
476
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:53,878
[sighs]
477
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,713
Shouldn't you be
digging yourself
478
00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:58,883
a hole for the night?
479
00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:02,753
You know, Dorothy, they should
make a movie of your life story.
480
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:06,324
They could call it
"Lady Brings The Blues."
481
00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:12,663
ALF, can we be alone?
482
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,932
Well, I appreciate
the offer, but
483
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:17,735
I'd rather swallow a hammer.
484
00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:21,505
Can't the two of you get
along for even five minutes?
485
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,875
Hey! This is as good as it gets.
486
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:29,313
Well then, are you planning
to stand there the whole night?
487
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:30,981
Of course not.
488
00:22:30,983 --> 00:22:33,150
Just till "Letterman" is over.
489
00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,355
Maybe they have the
dancing poodles tonight.
490
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,058
[theme music]
491
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:45,062
[theme music]
492
00:23:09,655 --> 00:23:12,957
Ha-ha-ha!
Yuck!
37816
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