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1
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:03,268
Huh.
2
00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:04,403
Well, here's an expression
3
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,805
I'm not often called on to use
4
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:10,309
ALF, your dinner's getting cold.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,444
¶ Uncle Neal has gone away ¶
6
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,813
¶ Doo-da doo-da ¶
7
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,116
¶ I can eat out here today ¶
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,684
¶ All doo-day long ¶
9
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:19,685
Everybody!
10
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,053
¶ Gonna eat all day-- ¶¶
11
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:25,124
ALF, I really don't appreciate
that at all.
12
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,525
Okay. Then you wanna hear
13
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,761
how I changed the words
to "Helter Skelter"?
14
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,131
No.
15
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,399
I'm gonna miss him.
16
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:34,700
It was fun having
Uncle Neal around.
17
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,368
Hmm. Well, he's just
down the street.
18
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,803
You can go visit him.
19
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,539
I know he's really lonely
since Margaret left him.
20
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,275
Hey, he had a bad marriage.
21
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,177
Who hasn't, right, Willie?
22
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,516
What's Uncle Neal's new
apartment like?
23
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,684
Much too close to this house.
24
00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:55,454
It's nice. It's small
25
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,557
but at least he has more room
than he had in the camper.
26
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,526
I thought the camper was neat.
27
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,228
It had a toilet
right in the shower.
28
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,663
So do we.
29
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,200
Oh, what?
Like you've never done it?
30
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,105
[theme music]
31
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,932
(Kate)
'And here's an old iron
if you don't already have one.'
32
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:18,203
But be careful because
the squirter is broken.
33
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,838
I'm touched.
34
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,107
Oh, Neal, it's just an old iron.
35
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:26,612
No, this is the one
I gave you for your wedding.
36
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:30,482
Oh. Oh, my gosh,
I think.. I think it is.
37
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,151
[chuckles]
I'm sorry.
38
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,585
Oh, don't be.
39
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,220
What goes around,
comes around.
40
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,722
Thank you.
41
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,457
Well, ready for another load.
42
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,592
Oh, right over there, Willie.
43
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,728
You guys have been
so good to me.
44
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,630
Thanks to you,
I have my own apartment
45
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:47,332
and I'm embarking
on a whole new adventure.
46
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,534
You know something?
47
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:51,170
That is the perfect attitude.
48
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,538
Right.
49
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:55,207
So you guys want
to sleep over tonight?
50
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:59,044
As tempting
as the offer sounds, Neal..
51
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:02,681
Willie, you feel like
sleeping over at Neal's tonight?
52
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,885
Uh, thanks, Neal, but no.
53
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,887
If you need us though,
for anything
54
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,390
anything at all,
just feel free to call.
55
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,125
Oh, please.
56
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:16,295
Haven't you done enough already
with all these lovely things?
57
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,732
Thank you.
58
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,068
You've gotta stop thanking us.
59
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,102
Oh.
60
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,237
I know.
61
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,272
Thank you for pointing that out.
62
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,341
Oh, I almost forgot.
63
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,542
I got a job.
64
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,344
Oh, that is good to hear.
65
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,313
Yeah. Thank God, right?
66
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,415
What is it? Tell us.
67
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,849
Well, my landlady
happened to mention
68
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,518
that she needs a new handyman.
69
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,553
It pays zip
and only covers half my rent
70
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,022
so naturally,
I snapped at it.
71
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:48,560
But, Neal, you've always been
so clumsy with tools.
72
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:52,531
You remember
that band-saw mishap.
73
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,233
Willie, Grandpa
forgave me for that.
74
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,501
Why can't you?
75
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,003
Neal.
76
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,772
Neal, have you thought
this thing through?
77
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,542
Shouldn't a handyman have at
least a nodding acquaintance
78
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:04,843
with how to fix things?
79
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,545
Well, with any luck
the building will be
80
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,080
in really great shape.
81
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,249
If not, I'll be
in really big trouble.
82
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,650
I'll make do.
83
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,552
- I think it's great, Neal.
- Yeah.
84
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:16,054
Well, I guess I better go get
started on my great new life.
85
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:19,391
Are you sure you guys don't
wanna stay over tonight?
86
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,860
Honey, last chance.
87
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:24,229
- We'll take a rain check.
- Good.
88
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,277
- Hi, ALF.
- Don't you believe in knocking?
89
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:41,813
No door.
90
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:45,217
Well, what if you caught me
at an awkward moment?
91
00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:49,321
Let's just be grateful
that that hasn't happened.
92
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:52,658
So to what do I owe
the pleasure of your company?
93
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,993
Oh, I was just, uh..
94
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,229
I was looking around
for some other things
95
00:04:57,231 --> 00:05:01,066
that Neal might be able to use
in his new apartment.
96
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,434
Yeah.
97
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:05,170
No, don't take those.
98
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,605
Why not?
99
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,241
Well, I was planning
on using them.
100
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,677
Someday.
101
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,211
When I got married.
102
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:18,383
If the day ever comes
that you get married..
103
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:22,988
I promise you, I'll buy you
a whole new set of saucepans.
104
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,924
And I'll dance on them.
105
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,694
It could happen.
106
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,029
Look at Anne Bancroft
and Mel Brooks.
107
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,233
He could have anybody he wants.
108
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,440
No, not that.
109
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,874
You can't give him that.
110
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:47,713
Well, ALF, this is just
an old fan.
111
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,749
It's not just any old fan.
112
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,185
I use it to scrape my calluses.
113
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,156
Keep it.
114
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,993
Well, if you see anything else
you like,
115
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,863
by all means, take it.
116
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,799
Say, what's your problem,
anyway?
117
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,103
Ever since Neal showed up, you
made me feel about as welcome
118
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:14,406
as a low doorknob
at a nudist colony.
119
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,444
Neal is getting his own
apartment now, ALF.
120
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:22,013
Hopefully things will be
returning to normal here.
121
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,915
I should think
that would make you happy.
122
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,317
(Neal)
'Willie, you up there?'
123
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:26,551
- No.
124
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,253
I mean, yeah.
125
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,422
- Under the bed.
- Okay, I will.
126
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:34,359
And I won't let this degrade me
at all, in case you're worried.
127
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,866
Morning, Willie.
I thought I heard you up here.
128
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,667
Yeah, yeah.
129
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:46,271
I was just looking for some more
stuff for your new apartment.
130
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:49,641
What, are you taking
in boarders now?
131
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,411
Oh, that bed is Brian's old bed.
132
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:55,514
You know how attached kids can
get to their old furniture.
133
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,182
Especially after they wet it.
134
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:03,155
Well, it's nice to know
you've stuck to the old values.
135
00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,459
Oh, hey, I could really use
this, Willie.
136
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:08,927
[clicks]
137
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,395
¶ Like a virgin ¶
138
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,832
¶ Touched for the very
first time ¶
139
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,401
¶ Like a virgin.. ¶¶
140
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,540
The speed's all off.
141
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,976
You don't want that.
142
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,779
Oh, hey, it's your old
Clairmont High yearbook.
143
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,147
Yeah.
144
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,283
I know. Let's look at it later.
145
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,685
That's where
I first met Margaret.
146
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,420
Future Farmers.
147
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,855
I know.
148
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,124
Boy, that gal could
really take down a steer.
149
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:44,162
Funny what first attracts
you to a woman.
150
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,065
Let's, uh..
151
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,700
Let's go look in the garage, eh?
152
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,268
Willie, you gotta stop sometime.
153
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,270
I only have a one-bedroom
apartment.
154
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,472
[chuckles]
155
00:07:58,479 --> 00:07:59,811
[groans]
156
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,380
If he wasn't the brother
of my meal ticket
157
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,149
I'd clean his clock.
158
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,959
ALF, everybody, dinner's ready.
159
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:18,063
So to what do I owe the honor
160
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:21,566
of being asked
to dine at your table?
161
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:25,070
Oh, stop being so dramatic
and get in your seat.
162
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,873
Neal finally decided
to eat at his place tonight.
163
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:31,810
It's been so long since
I was allowed to eat with you.
164
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,745
Which seat is mine?
165
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:37,082
It's.. It's all so hazy.
166
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:40,952
You can always eat
upstairs, you know.
167
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,822
I took a guess.
168
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,824
ALF, what are you doing here?
169
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,359
I used to be a phenomenon.
170
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,995
Now I'm reduced to a,
"What are you doing here?"
171
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,099
What's he doing here?
172
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,668
I was invited,
if you don't mind.
173
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,136
Check your guest list.
174
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,705
You mean Uncle Neal's
not coming?
175
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,840
Please.
176
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,675
The warmth is suffocating.
177
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:07,612
- ALF.
- I was invited!
178
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,014
I was just gonna say
179
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,883
I'm glad you were able
to join us.
180
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,084
Oh.
181
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,686
Well, thank you.
182
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,221
Now, shall we dine?
183
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,859
So, Brian,
what grade are you in now?
184
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,161
ALF, you haven't
been up there that long.
185
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,963
Well, it's hard
to keep track of time
186
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,399
when there's no light.
187
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,068
- I've missed these dinners.
- Me too, babe.
188
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,670
[doorbell dings]
189
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:34,372
(Neal)
'It's Neal.'
190
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:38,076
I thought I felt a sudden chill.
191
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,646
Will you please
just go to the kitchen?
192
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,982
Stay, go, stay, go.
193
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,585
I could be a police dog
after this.
194
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,957
- Hey, Neal.
- Hi, Willie.
195
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,625
- Hi, everybody.
- 'Hey, Uncle Neal.'
196
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:56,261
Oh, gosh, you're having dinner.
I can come back at another time.
197
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,030
- No, no, no.
- Uh, what's going on?
198
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,266
I got my first fix-it job
at the building
199
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,635
and I thought I might need
a few more tools.
200
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,203
What do you have?
201
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:08,373
Well, I have a Swiss Army knife
and a mess of good intentions.
202
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,142
I'll, uh..
I'll see what I've got.
203
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,577
Oh, thanks.
204
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,479
Why don't you go ahead
and finish your dinner?
205
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,081
I can get it myself.
206
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,083
Neal, would you like to join
us for dinner?
207
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,818
Oh, no. No, thank you.
208
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,453
I couldn't impose.
209
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,855
Besides, you must be
expecting somebody.
210
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:27,559
No. Actually, no,
we were hoping you'd stop by.
211
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:28,660
Oh.
212
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:31,229
Well, if it's not
too much trouble.
213
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,198
Oh, don't be silly.
214
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,801
Then I guess I should
probably go tell...Meatloaf.
215
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,069
Get the meatloaf.
216
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,872
I'll just go get the meatloaf.
217
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:44,175
You know, meatloaf, that
was Margaret's favorite meal.
218
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,610
Sometimes on a Sunday
219
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:49,014
she'd make four or five pounds
of it at a time.
220
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,482
And then she'd freeze it?
221
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,683
No.
222
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,054
He's never leaving.
223
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,989
He knows a good thing.
224
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,559
He's like a fly
on a meadow muffin.
225
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:04,329
Look, ALF, as soon as Uncle Neal
gets a full-time job
226
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:07,065
and makes a few friends,
he won't be around so much.
227
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,667
You'll see.
228
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:11,302
Well, it's time I took
a stand around here.
229
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,005
Either he goes or I go.
230
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,106
[Willie laughing]
231
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,307
[Kate laughing]
232
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,010
(Kate)
'Oh, Neal.'
233
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,246
And it looks like
the I's have it.
234
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,427
Hi.
235
00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:37,696
- Morning, sweetheart.
- Good morning, Willie.
236
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,164
[crash]
237
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,266
- Good Lord, what was that?
- Your brother.
238
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,101
He has been here since
6 o'clock this morning
239
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:46,471
and right now,
he is taking out our trash.
240
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,839
Why?
241
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,974
You have to empty the cans
before you can wash them
242
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:54,245
and paint them with our names
in a bold, contrasting color.
243
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,215
Well, at least that way
when the Ochmoneks take them
244
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,818
we'll have proof.
245
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:03,254
Willie, I thought you were gonna
talk to your brother about..
246
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,156
getting a life.
247
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,558
What do you mean?
He has a life.
248
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,094
Yes, our life.
And I'd like it back, thank you.
249
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,463
[crash]
250
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:13,131
Kate, he's never had to make
251
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,833
such a difficult
adjustment before.
252
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,167
Well, neither have we.
253
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,470
Don't sit.
254
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:21,873
He stain-guarded
our furniture, Willie.
255
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:25,176
We've been meaning
to get to that for months.
256
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,846
Oh, good, you're both here.
257
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,314
I had a thought.
258
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,683
You know what would look great
in your backyard?
259
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:34,419
A topiary garden.
260
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,922
You.. You wanna make animals
out of our bushes?
261
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,324
That's right.
262
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:40,358
There's a seal
in your back hedge
263
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,928
just flapping to get out.
264
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,731
I don't know.
265
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:50,201
I don't think
we're zoned for that.
266
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,903
I'll check.
267
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,937
Good.
268
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,773
I'll start breakfast.
269
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,310
Alright. Admit it, Willie.
270
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,746
You have a blind spot when it
comes to your brother Neal.
271
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:02,847
But what about ALF?
272
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,315
This is not fair for him.
273
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,850
It's harder on him than anybody.
274
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,352
It wouldn't hurt for him to show
275
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,654
a little compassion
about this, you know.
276
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,889
Didn't you promise ALF
277
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:14,192
that when Neal moved he wouldn't
have to hide anymore?
278
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,861
And he won't. Someday.
279
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:21,766
Now he's just being close-minded
and stubborn about it.
280
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,168
Okay. That may be, Willie
281
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:27,172
but when I ran into ALF
this morning, he hissed at me.
282
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,275
- What?
- He hissed.
283
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,876
And he meant it.
284
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,582
- I'll talk to him.
- Okay.
285
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:40,919
[sighs]
286
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,059
ALF, we have to talk.
287
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,161
[hisses]
288
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,163
There'll be no more hissing.
289
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,631
Well, make it fast.
290
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:56,301
I've got a date with destiny.
291
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,203
Where do you think
you're going?
292
00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,737
Who knows?
293
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,941
I'm gonna stick out my thumb,
show a little leg
294
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,909
and see where the road takes me.
295
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,780
You know, you're really making
this whole thing
296
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:11,282
into a lot more
than it really is.
297
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,284
Oh, am I?
298
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,819
Please forgive me.
299
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,422
I've been so intolerant.
300
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,157
ALF, can't you understand?
301
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,159
Neal is family.
302
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,928
I can't just turn him away.
303
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,997
So, what am I, a pet?
304
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,232
Is that it?
305
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,733
Because I'll tell you
something, Willie.
306
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:32,670
That's how I'm made to feel
around here sometimes.
307
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,772
I'm sorry that's how you feel.
308
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:38,343
Sometimes I think you'd rather
drive me out to the desert..
309
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:42,847
toss me away and leave me
to the coyotes.
310
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:46,684
ALF, you've gotta stop listening
at our door.
311
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:50,688
- You're kidding, right?
- Yeah.
312
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,390
Oh, ha, ha.
313
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,262
Face it, Willie. You can't keep
treating me like this.
314
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,731
After all, I'm a person.
315
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:04,636
Well, technically I'm not, but
I still have feelings like one.
316
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:08,673
I'm sorry, ALF,
of course you have feelings.
317
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:11,476
But so does he.
So does my brother.
318
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:14,646
So, what should I do?
319
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:17,615
Well, I was hoping
to avoid this..
320
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:21,986
but since it looks like it's
gonna be a permanent situation
321
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:25,456
why don't I just introduce
the two of you?
322
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,891
Get a clue.
323
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,560
I don't like him.
324
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,963
Well, you don't even know him.
325
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,431
And I don't like him.
326
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,667
Imagine if I met him.
327
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:37,535
[sighs]
Come on, ALF.
328
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,738
It'd make everything a whole lot
easier for everybody.
329
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:45,076
And besides, I'm sure the two
of you would get along great.
330
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,511
Pass.
331
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,980
Oh, you're just being childish.
332
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:52,483
Am not, am not, am not.
333
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:53,885
Alright. Suit yourself.
334
00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:56,220
Stick out your thumb,
show some leg..
335
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,589
because that's the best
I can offer.
336
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,326
And frankly,
I've seen your legs
337
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:04,996
and trust me,
you're not going anywhere.
338
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,699
That's one man's opinion.
339
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:11,903
Look, you can either meet him
or stay hidden up here.
340
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:14,505
It's your choice.
341
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,141
Alright, I'll meet him.
342
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,509
Hand me that fan,
343
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:22,080
I wanna scrape off my feet.
344
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:27,251
Hey, just because I don't like
him doesn't mean I'm not vain.
345
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,586
What?
346
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:36,427
Maybe meeting Neal
isn't such a good idea.
347
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,996
It's gonna be fine.
348
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:40,198
ALF, you two
are gonna get along great.
349
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,835
He's a wonderful guy
with a terrific sense of humor.
350
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:48,072
I'm not gonna marry him, if
that's what you're getting at.
351
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,574
Now, when Neal gets here,
352
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,609
I don't think you should
be in the room.
353
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,211
Uh, not right away, anyway.
354
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,948
I'm gonna need time
to prepare him for the shock..
355
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,317
Surprise..
356
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:02,587
Pleasure of your company.
357
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,822
Why don't I just leap
out of a closet at him?
358
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:08,926
If he dies, you won't
have to explain a thing.
359
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,194
[doorbell dings]
360
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,462
He's here.
361
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,197
Oh, my gosh.
362
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,832
I can't go through with this.
363
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,935
My heart's racing
like a schoolboy.
364
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,137
Will you relax?
365
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,538
You're just meeting my brother.
366
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,673
It's not the pope.
367
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,308
I'd rather meet the pope.
368
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,644
I love his hats.
369
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,013
ALF, go into the kitchen
and we'll call you
370
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,948
when it's time
to come out, okay?
371
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,917
Alright, alright.
372
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,987
It'll give me some time
to spread butter on my feet.
373
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,260
- Neal. Hi.
- Hi, Kate.
374
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,361
Hi, everyone.
375
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,395
- Neal.
- Hey, Uncle Neal.
376
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,663
How's the new apartment?
377
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,365
Did you get the electricity
turned on okay?
378
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,000
Oh, yeah, yeah.
379
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,669
Looks pretty drab
now that I can see everything.
380
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,105
But hey, it's home.
381
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:57,975
Hi, Uncle Neal. Hope
you haven't had too much coffee.
382
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,444
No. Why?
383
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,179
Oh, you know my brother.
384
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,949
Always concerned
for people's welfare.
385
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,451
[laughing]
386
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:10,288
So, what did you guys
wanna talk to me about?
387
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,956
Sit down, Neal.
388
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,995
There's really no easy way
to say this.
389
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:21,432
Um, there's something
about our household
390
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,467
that you don't know.
391
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:23,868
Something pretty unique.
392
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,136
Something we've kept a secret.
393
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:28,072
It's something
that you might find
394
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:31,109
hard to accept at first.
395
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:34,412
Is it something to do
with Brian?
396
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:37,682
I wish it was that simple.
397
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,016
What do you mean?
398
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,651
What does she mean?
399
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:46,591
Uh, I don't know how to say
this without sounding crazy
400
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,559
so I'm just gonna
come out and say it.
401
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:53,531
Neal, we have an alien
living with us.
402
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,434
He's an alien from space.
403
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,871
We have an alien
from space living with us.
404
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:02,707
He's a part of our family now.
405
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,543
That's why we thought
you two should meet.
406
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,545
You guys.
407
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,747
[laughing]
408
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,216
I know this is hard
to accept, Neal
409
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,718
but the fact is..
410
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,688
we've had an alien from space
living with us forever.
411
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:22,593
I mean, for almost
three years now.
412
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:26,631
Oh, I see. Let me guess.
413
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,232
He always wants
to phone home, right?
414
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,834
[chuckles]
415
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:33,271
You laugh, but we did have
to lock out the 9-7-6 numbers.
416
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:36,240
Remember, honey?
417
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,009
Well..
418
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,244
I guess the best thing would be
to just have you meet him.
419
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,913
Yeah.
420
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:46,951
You guys are gonna carry this
right to the end, aren't you?
421
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,720
ALF, you can come in here now.
422
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,397
ALF.
423
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:02,567
It's so good to meet you.
424
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,469
So sorry I doubted you.
425
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,605
Oh, where is he?
426
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,240
He must be hiding.
427
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,541
He didn't wanna meet you.
428
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,476
Well, he's probably shy.
429
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,379
No, he just doesn't like you.
430
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:18,716
Brian, can you go try
to find him, please?
431
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,117
We're not kidding, Neal.
432
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:21,385
This is real.
433
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,420
[scoffs]
434
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:23,788
Come on.
435
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,790
Do you all really believe this?
436
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,292
I mean, is this something
you've actually seen?
437
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:29,493
[Kate chuckles]
438
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:33,097
In haunting clarity.
439
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:36,567
Sorry.
440
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,336
You must be Neal.
441
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:42,039
I'm Gordon Shumway.
442
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,942
Did I kill him?
443
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,712
Oh, my God, you're for real.
444
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,281
Yeah, yeah, let's get past this.
445
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:54,018
I'm an alien and you're not.
446
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,353
Wow.
447
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:58,356
This is gonna take
some time to sink in.
448
00:20:58,358 --> 00:20:59,991
Well, while you're in a daze..
449
00:20:59,993 --> 00:21:05,029
let me show you where your
brother keeps his band saw.
450
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:09,033
I'm being insulted
by an alien from space.
451
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:12,236
Get used to it.
452
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:15,640
Uh, can I touch you?
453
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:19,343
Not without dinner and a show.
454
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,979
I have a million questions
I wanna ask you.
455
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:24,949
I'm sure. Keep them
to yourself, huh?
456
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,851
Now, enough of this small talk.
457
00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:29,854
Let's get down to business.
458
00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:32,657
I understand
you're quite the cook.
459
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,894
Do you eat like earthlings?
460
00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:39,163
Do I eat like earthlings?
461
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:41,432
Willie, tell him.
462
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:43,167
He eats.
463
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:45,903
He doesn't chew.
464
00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:48,372
I don't know what to say.
465
00:21:48,374 --> 00:21:52,643
This is the most exciting thing
that's ever happened to me.
466
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,744
Kate's right.
467
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:56,213
Get a life.
468
00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:57,548
ALF.
469
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,884
Well, he may as well know.
470
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:02,253
I mean, we're all family now.
471
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:20,671
So in other words,
what you're saying is..
472
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:23,274
except for having eight stomachs
473
00:22:23,276 --> 00:22:26,744
you're really not special
in any way.
474
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,546
Oh, gee, thanks.
475
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:32,116
Hey, are you gonna play, or are
you gonna jabber on all night?
476
00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:33,684
Oh.
477
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,454
Well, I thought you said
this pointy guy
478
00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:38,889
could only move diagonally.
479
00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,424
Did I say that?
480
00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:43,961
Well, what I meant was
it can only move diagonally..
481
00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:46,931
except when the move follows
the taking of an odd number
482
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:49,333
of the opponent's men
from the board.
483
00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:52,269
Oh.
484
00:22:52,271 --> 00:22:55,039
You sure you've never played
this game before?
485
00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:57,608
No, this is my first time.
486
00:22:57,610 --> 00:22:59,777
Good. Let's play for money.
487
00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:05,449
Gin. You owe me 1500 bucks.
488
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:16,093
[theme music]
37074
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