All language subtitles for ALF.S04E05.Mind.Games.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-DAWN_track3_[eng]

- Now, you have everything, B?
- I think so.

Yo! Everybody
up for "Jeopardy!"

raise their hand
and give me a dollar.

Sorry, ALF,
I'm jeapord-ied out.

How about you, Kate?

You must be over yesterday's

trouncing by now.

I'm taking Brian
to his scout meeting.

But you haven't heard the
new categories I thought up.

Martian tourist traps.

Girls named Fred.

Places you itch.

We're leaving. Bye.

Say, hey,
Willie Mayes.

How about a fun-filled,
fast-paced game of "Jeopardy!"

You cheat.

William,
I'm appalled.

I'm aghast.

You're a cheater.

I do not cheat.

I just memorize
the answers in advance.

Not like I have a lot
to do around here, you know.

I'm going out to the
garage to work on my ham radio

and while I'm gone,
I'd appreciate it

If you did not put
any portion of this house

in jeopardy, double jeopardy,
or final jeopardy.

What are you worried
about, Willie?

We hit your deductible
$10,000 ago.

Goodbye.

Now entering our studio

a college freshman

originally
from Los Angeles, California.

Say hello
to Lynn Tanner.

[imitates crowd cheering]

ALF, two weeks
of that game is enough.

I'm going to aerobics.

Alright, look,
I'll give you an easy one.

He's the 3'2" alien
from an exploded planet

who's currently
bored to tears.

ALF.

Form of a question,
please!

[door shuts]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Need some help?

No, I can do this
myself. Thanks.

Uh-uh-uh, uh-uh.

Do you mind?

It's your radio.

Or should I say,
your soon to be

smoldering heap
of electrical debris.

Alright, uh,
what I doing wrong here?

Nope. Far be it for me to come
between a man and his hobby.

Well, could you
far be it from me, please?

But there's nothing good on TV.

And I've read all the books
in the house.

And I know it's on the top shelf
of every one of your closets.

You were quite the letter-writer
in your day, Sugarlips.

Stay out of my letters.

What are you trying
to do here?

Trying to upgrade
the auto monitor.

Why?

So I can talk
to Australia.

Does the word "telephone"
ring a bell?

Well, it would defeat
the purpose, ALF.

The whole idea of a ham radio
is the challenge

the real challenge,
man against machine.

Good old American
know-how.

Right. And you ain't going
to fix this no how.

I'm retooling the monitor

so that when I bump from
satellite to trans-Oceanic

my Phelp switch doesn't
alter frequency.

What, is that all?

All? I've been working
on that for three months.

There.
That'll do it.

See ya.

Oh.

Yeah, right.

Right.

[static]

(man on radio)
'Hello? Anyone there?'

Hello?

(man on radio)
'G'day, mate.
You're clear as a bell. Over.'

Yo. What's up, scout?

I'm working on
my bachelor living badge.

Can I help?

You know anything
about bachelor living?

Well, I've eaten
cold pizza for breakfast

and grown things
in the fridge.

"The bachelor living
badge is for

"basic homemaking skills

for our fast-paced
and changing culture."

My last requirement
is to prepare a balanced meal.

Is that it?

On Melmac, to get
a bachelor living badge

they left you out in a field

with only
twigs and bark

and you had a week
to build a single's bar.

I'm going to make
suggested menu number three.

Turkey salad sandwiches,
broccoli spears

and cheddar cheese cubes.

Boring!

It has something from each
of the four basic food groups.

So does
Trevor's blue tie

but I wouldn't want
to eat it for lunch.

Are you going
to help me or not?

Well, it's not
as challenging

as building a mirror ball
out of dried leaves

but it's better
than nothing.

Here, you can take care
of the broccoli.

¶ Dun-dun dun-dun
dun-dah! ¶

¶ Dun-dun dun-dun
dun-dah! ¶¶

There.
I took care of it.

I don't know
about this.

Well, actually, I do

and I hate
the whole idea.

But it's going
to make you feel great.

I already feel great.

Go ahead, feel me.

You have no muscle tone.

I'll have you know
my health club on Melmac

once voted me
"bod of the month."

You went
to a health club?

Well, here you call it
a bakery.

Come on.
No pain, no gain.

[instrumental music]

Come on, ALF.
Go for the burn!

I'd rather go
for the donuts.

Come on,
time for leg lifts.

One, two, three, four, five.

How does that feel, ALF?

[ALF snoring]

ALF!

Hi.

Hi.

It's come
to this, Kate.

What's that, ALF?

I'm so bored, I'm interested
in what you're doing.

What are you doing?

Refinishing this bureau.

I think, if you listen
very carefully

You can actually hear
my interest wane.

Just be careful.
That's wet.

[scoffs]
You know, I think it's time

for you to find a hobby.

Why don't you
collect stamps?

Great. I could think
about all the places

they've been to
that I can't go.

Perfect pastime for a shut-in.

Well, what about, uh, yoga?

It sounds fairly quiet.

I was into yoga
on Melmac.

Want to hear my mantra?

Sure.

Wow, I can really
cross my legs

and put my feet
on top of my knees.

Boy, am I relaxed and limber.
I'm so limber.

Like, the limberest thing
you could think of.

That's how limber
I am and--

Maybe yoga's not
such a great idea.

Now, what am I supposed to do?

I'm not cutout for aerobics.

Cubing cheese is no challenge.

And I already fixed
Sugerlip's radio.

Face it, Kate.

I'm a man
without a purpose.

Or a planet.

Or a middle finger,
for that matter.

Well, I'm sure you'll find

Something interesting
to do..

...eventually.

That's what
I've been trying to..

Stuck.

I surmised.

Ahh!

Sorry.

Furry handprint.

I see it.

Leaving now.

Good idea.

[instrumental music]

Well, what's
your professional opinion?

He's bored.

But you don't think
there's any underlying

psychological reason?

Maybe boredom.

That's it?

Well, he's a very
intelligent being.

I mean, he needs
to be challenged.

He needs to be muzzled.

He has the computer.

I've bought him
dozens of books

video tapes.

He has plenty to do.
The problem is

he wants to be in the
middle of whatever we're doing.

It's easy to forget, you know,
that he's an adult

and he wants to be
treated like one.

So, what do we do?

Well, you could, uh

talk to him,
tell him your feelings

ask for advice,
his opinion, and..

Do it at dinner.
It'll work wonders.

What if it doesn't?

We'll have dessert.

Oh, look,
it's the gravy train.

Larry, you can sit
right there.

Ah, thank you,
thank you, Kate.

Wow, everything
looks delicious.

Uh, well, uh, willie..

How's life
been treating you?

Um, well,
now you mention it

there, uh..

There is a guy at work..

I-I've been having kind of
a hard time with.

Oh, so tonight,
we're dining and whining?

Uh, you want to tell us
about it, willie?

Well, he's, uh, he's just
really competitive, you know?

He's, um.. He's always trying
to beat my case load

to get a raise
ahead of me

get promoted before I do.

I know that's not
what social work is all about

but I just can't help
feeling pressured by this guy.

What do you think, ALF?

Huh?

Well, there's this guy at work..

I heard that part.

Well..

What do you think?

You're asking me?

You got a shrink
right here.

No, I really value
your judgment.

You what my what?

Dad wants your opinion.

Oh.

Well, willie,
if you must be competitive

why don't you just
compete with yourself?

Not only will
you feel better

you'll always win.

That's exactly
what I would have said.

Really?

Really.

You, a psychologist

would have given the same advice
as I, a lay alien?

That's right.

Kate.. Uh, Kate?
Would you like some beets?

Beets?

Oh.

Oh, yes. Uh-huh.

Um..

Speaking of work, you know

I really love my job

but whenever I'm there,
I feel like

I'm neglecting the baby

and whenever
I'm home here with eric

I feel like I'm not pulling
my weight at work.

How do you feel
about that, ALF?

Me, again?

Yeah, I, uh..

I just wondered
how you thought about that.

Well, did you go back to work
after Lynn was born?

Yeah, I did.

Well, see?
She turned out just fine.

She's not a rooftop sniper
or anything.

Thanks, ALF.

That's exactly
what I would have said.

Wow! Two for two!

Who's next?

Um, I have
a problem too.

I don't like math.

Neither do I.

Thanks!
I feel better now.

Hey, I'm on a roll!

Anything I can help
you with, Lynndigo?

Sure.

Danny and I have been dating
for over a year now

and I know he likes me,
but I just--

'I still feel jealous
when he talks to other girls.'

I wish I knew what
to do about that.

Well, my advice would be to talk
it over with Danny.

Let him know how you feel

and I'm sure you'll be able
to work things out.

You with me on this, lar?

Oh, that's exactly
what I would have said.

Hey, this is great!

How much you get paid
for this kind of thing?

What kind of thing?

This advice shtick.

Well, actually,
I get paid quite a lot.

Why do you ask?

Because I've found
my true calling..

I'm going to be a shrink.

How does that make you feel?

[instrumental music]

Willie?

Yeah?

"When the wayfarer
whistles in the dark

"he may be disavowing
his timidity

But he does not see any the more
clearly for doing so."

I beg your pardon?

Freud said that.

You were clinking.

Clinking?

You feel
you haven't made

a significant mark
on the world

so you compensate

by unconsciously
asserting your presence

in situations
where you feel anonymous.

What are you reading?

It's a therapy book.
Larry loaned it to me.

I'm a shrink now, remember?

Oh, right.

Willie, if this
interests ALF

we should be supportive.

And very grateful.

Right.

Uh, maybe you've got
a point.

I'll, uh.. In the future,
I'll refrain from clinking.

You'll be
the better for it.

These eggs are
a little bit dry.

I'm sorry.
I always do that.

Kate, Kate, Kate.

You're expanding
one tiny failure

into a self-defeating
behavior pattern.

What?

It's called
overgeneralization.

You convince yourself that you
can never cook eggs right

and then you can't
cook eggs right.

Oh, I have a headache.

Morning.

Morning, Brian.

Hey, B.

Have you ever dreamed
you were being chased

by a giant cheese log?

No.

Then I'll only need
to see you five times a week.

[instrumental music]

Huh!

It says in this article
that babies sometimes

remember things
that happened when

they were still
in the womb.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I wonder if eric
will remember

how things were around here
before he was born.

Carl Jung was
a big weenie head.

With any luck, he'll forget his
first five years entirely.

I'm preparing a paper

for the American
Psychological Association

that proves Jung's theorems
were based on faulty logic

and misinterpreted data.

How do you spell
"Na-na na-na-na?"

ALF, it's not that
we don't appreciate

your attempts to
overanalyze every..

To, uh, help us with
our problems, but--

Speaking of problems

we've got to do something
about Brian.

What's wrong with Brian?

[sucks teeth]

He's been experiencing
a lot of negative stroking

from Kate lately

and it's affecting
his sense of okayness.

Alright. Okay.
This has gone far enough.

Now, now, honey.

No, no, it's alright.

It's good to ventilate.

I am not ventilating.
I am talking.

And I resent the implication

that I am having a negative
effect on my son's okayness.

Furthermore--

How long have you had
this persecution complex?

ALF!

I was talking to your wife.

Now, we ought
to take a look

at your ego boundaries,
willie.

Oh, I give up, I give up.

You're relinquishing
your resistance. Good.

Now we can make
some real progress.

And you are spouting a lot

of psychological clichés

you don't even understand.

Why so hostile, willie?

I'm okay. You're okay.

This must stop!

That's right,
a quick primal scream.

Let it fly!
Then I'll..

You cannot keep aggravating
people like this.

Why do you hate
your mother?

And he's just gotten
completely carried away

with this therapy thing.

Oh, you know ALF,
he gets carried away

with everything he does.

What motivated you
to let it go this far?

Oh, stop it, Larry. I've
had enough of this all week.

Just fix it.

Yeah, you know
what they say..

A little knowledge
is a dangerous thing.

In ALF's hands, foam rubber
is a dangerous thing.

Do you think you can help?

Trust me.
I'm a professional.

The last time
someone said that to me

I ended up
with purple hair.

Dinner smells great, mom.

And you worked in all
the food groups, too.

Well, I had planned
to serve steaks tonight

But I forgot to take them out
of the freezer

so at the last minute--

Kate, Kate, Kate.

I think we're overcompensating,
aren't we?

Excuse me?

You're apologizing
for the food

in order to disguise
your feelings

of insecurity around Larry.

Right, lar?

No, she's not
doing that at all.

You're projecting your feelings
about me onto Kate.

Are you challenging
my autonomy?

Well, you're the one
that set yourself up

as a resident
psychology expert.

I mean, it's only natural
that you'd be threatened by me.

Who's threatened?

I'm coming from
a very secure place.

Ah, I'm picking up
some hostilities here.

Can't we just have
a simple dialogue

between our
adult ego states?

Well, you're discounting
an emotion

you're not prepared to confront.

And you're judging
my reactions

with an unfair cultural bias.

You know, I think this is just
another temporary obsession

to draw attention to yourself.

Hey!

That wasn't nice.

It's not so much fun
being on the receiving end

of the couch, is it, ALF?

Aw, come on.

I don't sound like him.

Do I?

- Yep.
- Sure do.

Wow.

You're really annoying.

Well, I've been
at it a long time.

Now I know what Jung meant
when he said

"The growth of the mind

"is the widening of
the range of consciousness

"and each step forward
has been a most painful

"and laborious achievement."

That's very insightful.

Personally, I always thought
Carl Jung was a big..

[instrumental music]

(woman on radio)
'And I know
he really does love me'

'but he just doesn't show it
at all anymore.'

'Should I talk
to a divorce lawyer?'

(man on radio)
'Well, as an attorney'

'I've seen a lot
of divorce cases'

'that could
have been avoided'

'if the couple had seen
a marriage counselor'

'so I really suggest that you
try to work things out first.'

'Let's take
our next caller.'

'Welcome to
"Let's Talk Legal."'

(ALF on radio)
'I specialize in family law.'

'That lady should sue
the bum for all he's worth.'

'She'll clean up
on community property'

'and she can get
enough property'

'to start
her own community. Ha!'

You check the garage,
I'll cut the phone lines.

(ALF on radio)
'I'm working
with a couple right now..'

'Your typical domestic tragedy
waiting to happen.'

'The guy should have dumped
his battle axe years ago.'

'I mean,
talk about tempers.'

'Oh, hi, Kate. Hey!'

[line disconnects]

(man on radio)
'Hello? Hello?'

'Y-you're on the air?'

'Well, let's take
our next caller.'

[theme music]

[laughing]