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1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,202
[baby crying]
2
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:05,237
Aw! Shh.
3
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:08,173
Eric, don't. Don't.
4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,943
Don't cry. Daddy's here.
5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:12,478
Look at this face.
6
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,613
Look at this funny face.
7
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:25,924
A Roseanne Barr impression's
only gonna anger him more.
8
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,963
I'm not impersonating
Roseanne Barr.
9
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,631
Dom DeLuise.
10
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,401
I'm not impersonating anyone.
11
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,404
I'm trying to get
Eric to stop crying.
12
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,073
Have you tried leaving the room?
13
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,242
Ha! Lighten up, Willie, huh?
14
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,611
Borrow a sense of humor, man.
15
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,914
I'm not in the mood
right now, okay?
16
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:50,249
You want me to get him to stop?
17
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,619
No, no. Sometimes
babies need to cry.
18
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,656
They just need to
exercise their lungs.
19
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:01,226
Oh, why, that's fascinating.
20
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,228
[baby cries loudly]
21
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,997
Quiet!
22
00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:06,165
[baby laughs]
23
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,699
It's all in the delivery.
24
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,002
If you need me,
I'll be in the fridge.
25
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:13,672
[theme music]
26
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:20,806
So you played Tevye's wife
in "Fiddler On The Roof."
27
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,142
Well, if those aren't
babysitting credentials
28
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,177
I don't know what are.
29
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,913
Thank you.
30
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,314
[sighs]
31
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,550
I can't stand it when they cry.
32
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,352
Could you make it stop?
33
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:36,255
[chuckles]
34
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,423
- My husband's with him.
- Okay.
35
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,159
Well, I think I know
everything I need to know.
36
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,294
Thank you so much for coming by.
37
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:46,331
Oh, if it's the crying thing,
I can wear my Walkman.
38
00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:49,568
Goodbye.
39
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,404
And hope you get that part on
"Munsters" today.
40
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,177
[sighs]
41
00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:59,378
[baby crying]
42
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,646
What's for dinner?
43
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,715
Oh, ALF, you just had lunch.
44
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,285
Your dinners
highlight my day, Kate.
45
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,954
But then again, I have no life.
46
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,193
- Any luck?
- No.
47
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,662
You know what I'd love
to have for dinner tonight?
48
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,963
I guess I'm just gonna
have to tell my boss
49
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,565
that I can't show
any more houses
50
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,934
until we get a babysitter.
51
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:23,869
Pork chops.
52
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:27,639
Don't worry,
we'll find somebody.
53
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,508
Maybe a nice ham.
54
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,277
You think we're
offering too little?
55
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:36,148
Maybe we should be paying
more than $6.00 an hour.
56
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,383
Hey, hold it! Flag on the play.
57
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,419
You're paying these people?
58
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,954
I'll do it.
59
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,425
Did you call all
the college papers..
60
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,060
- Of course.
- And every college--
61
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,928
Perhaps you didn't hear me.
62
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,264
Thus, I'll say it again.
63
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,600
I'll baby-sit.
64
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,301
Uh.. No, I don't think so, ALF.
65
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:59,438
It's nothing
personal, it's just..
66
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,840
Well, I guess it is personal.
67
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,376
Call us crazy, ALF.
68
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,777
Uh, we just feel that
69
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,512
we should have a
human babysitter
70
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:11,250
what with Eric
being human and all.
71
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,618
Oh, I see.
72
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,653
And have you thought
about what happens to me
73
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,822
while that human babysitter
74
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,124
rummages through my fridge?
75
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,159
What do you mean, "your fridge?"
76
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,028
Okay, it's your fridge.
77
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,864
But the fuzz in the
meat drawer is mine.
78
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,601
When the babysitter's here
79
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,370
you're gonna have
to be in the attic.
80
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:32,971
Oh, great, prison.
81
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:36,475
Why don't you just
stick me in a sweatbox?
82
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,043
We're all making
adjustments, ALF.
83
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,646
You're not gonna be
up there all that much.
84
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:43,515
Attica! Attica! Attica!
85
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,017
ALF, cut the dramatics.
86
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:47,653
I'm just gonna be
working part-time.
87
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,689
But I've got an instinctive
rapport with kids.
88
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,792
It's a gift that all
Melmacians share.
89
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,527
That and the
ability to suck milk
90
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:58,096
through our noses.
91
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:02,200
My...you are blessed,
aren't you?
92
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,236
As passionate as your
argument sounds, ALF
93
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:06,605
the answer's still no.
94
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,007
But why? Why?
95
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,375
Why?
96
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:13,312
Because you're irresponsible.
97
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,579
You trash the house.
98
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:15,714
You flooded the living room.
99
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,449
You wallpapered the shower.
100
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,985
It was a rhetorical question.
101
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,621
[instrumental music]
102
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,224
Okay.
103
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:29,127
Aw, there you go.
104
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,396
There you go.
105
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,298
There you go.
106
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,701
Aw, there's nothing
more beautiful
107
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,035
than the sight of a mother
108
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,638
holding her
freshly-swaddled babe
109
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,872
to her bosom.
110
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,375
Leave my bosom out of this, ALF.
111
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:44,910
You're not babysitting Eric.
112
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:47,179
- Any luck?
- No.
113
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,748
No, I've, I've draped him
over my shoulder
114
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,383
I've laid him across my lap
115
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:52,551
I've bounced him.
116
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,920
Eric just doesn't want to burp.
117
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,723
Hey, mind if I show you a trick?
118
00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,591
The last time you
showed me a trick
119
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,126
it took three weeks
for my eyebrows
120
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,295
to grow back.
121
00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:06,264
I told you not to lean in.
122
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:09,935
Come on, now. At no time will
the baby leave my hands.
123
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,937
Spot him, Lynn.
124
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,640
Hey, Eric, how you doing?
125
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,677
Having a little
gassy backup today?
126
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,011
[baby burps]
127
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,346
Huzza, huzza.
128
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:24,416
Who was that masked man?
129
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,550
Next case.
130
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,819
Whoo-hoo! Broccoli.
131
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,488
So, did I prove my point?
132
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:32,124
That could have been
a coincidence.
133
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,225
So when do I start?
134
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,460
By the way,
Thursdays are bad for me.
135
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,562
I do tai chi.
136
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,431
Granted, ALF,
you give good burp
137
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,665
but that doesn't qualify you
138
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,634
to take care of an infant.
139
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,102
Kate, it can't be any different
140
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,772
than taking care of my
younger brother and sister.
141
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,608
And they had 16
stomachs between them
142
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,243
and one bathroom.
143
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,211
Think about it.
144
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,848
[instrumental music]
145
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,188
Oh, ALF would you heat
the baby's formula for me?
146
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,457
What do you need
formula for, Kate?
147
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,925
Tapped out?
148
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:09,394
Never mind, I'll do it.
149
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,430
And thanks for not
being petty about this, ALF.
150
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,365
Oh, now I'm being petty.
151
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:16,134
I'm petty and irresponsible.
152
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,737
You know, in time,
this could become annoying.
153
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:22,340
Now I'm petty,
irresponsible, and annoying.
154
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:25,377
The mud is being slung today.
155
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,279
[telephone rings]
156
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:33,752
Hello.
Oh, hello, Mr. Donovan.
157
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,822
Oh, the property on
Waverly place right now?
158
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,256
Oh, uh, well, gee.
159
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:41,560
This is not really a
convenient time for..
160
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,895
Oh, that's pretty heavy
wording there, sir.
161
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:47,265
But I-I don't see
how I could possibly..
162
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,067
Oh, there you go again.
163
00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:51,937
Well, no, no. Of course
I don't want to lose a sale
164
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,306
when it's this close,
it's just that..
165
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,710
Tell him I'll be
there in 15 minutes.
166
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,245
I'd ask you
what you're gonna do
167
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,914
but that would be petty,
annoying, and irresponsible.
168
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,617
Not to mention nosy.
169
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,986
Don't be smug.
I'll call Mrs. Ochmonek.
170
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,055
[imitates buzzer]
Wrong answer.
171
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:13,358
Oh, I'm sorry.
That was annoying, wasn't it?
172
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,160
They're on vacation.
173
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,964
Um.. Alright,
I'll call Mrs. Carlson.
174
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:22,601
The woman who stands on corners
and yells at buses?
175
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,669
A wise choice.
176
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,973
Right, right.
177
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:31,443
Uh, there's Mrs. Applebaum.
178
00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:32,811
Don't you remember?
179
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:37,449
She's out becoming
Mr. Applebaum.
180
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,051
Oh, that's right.
I forgot to send flowers.
181
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:43,021
Too late for that.
Send her some aftershave.
182
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,557
Oh, I can't get
a hold of Lynnie.
183
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,459
She's still in school.
Um..
184
00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:48,927
I'm here.
185
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:52,264
Oh, alright, ALF. Will..
186
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,665
Will you baby-sit Eric?
187
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,267
No, I'm busy.
188
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:58,069
Of course I will,
you silly ninny.
189
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,471
Ha ha!
190
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:00,705
ALF, listen
191
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,773
all the important
telephone numbers
192
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,108
are right there by the phone.
193
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,242
No!
194
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:08,246
I will be back in 45
minutes, alright?
195
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,248
In 40 minutes.
196
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,384
Give Eric his formula when
it's warm. Can you do that?
197
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,619
Kate, don't worry. Go.
198
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:15,987
Do the American thing
199
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:19,257
and put your career
ahead of your family.
200
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,192
Okay, okay,
I'm not a bad mother.
201
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,694
I love my child.
202
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,029
I love my child.
203
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:27,732
ALF, I will be
back in 25 minutes.
204
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,037
In 20 minutes.
205
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,339
Heh.
206
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:38,343
(woman on TV)
'Charles, where are you?'
207
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,245
'Can you give me a hand
in the kitchen?'
208
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,315
(Charles)
'In a second. I've got a couple
of girls to look after.'
209
00:09:43,317 --> 00:09:45,917
(woman on TV)
'Don't you mean women, Charles?'
210
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:49,821
Whoo-ho! Pfft!
You low bro.
211
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:52,657
[baby crying]
212
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,526
Oh, great timing.
213
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,496
I'm coming. I'm coming.
214
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:02,200
Lets got bail.
He's the next Tony Denzel.
215
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,638
[crying]
216
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,173
Hey, hey, hey!
217
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:11,042
What's the matter, little guy?
218
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,143
[sniffs]
219
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,078
Whoa!
220
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,347
Sorry, Los Angeles.
221
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,349
Phew!
222
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,351
Alright, I might
be a little rusty.
223
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,219
First the easy part.
224
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,224
[crying continues]
225
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:31,463
Whoa!
Number two with a bullet.
226
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:36,701
Alright, let me just
swab the deck, okay?
227
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:38,303
The old swabber.
228
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,571
[baby laughs]
229
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:40,839
There you go.
230
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,240
Yeah, yeah.
231
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:45,143
Now a, a little powder
under your tush.
232
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,547
[coughs]
233
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,349
Alright, here we go.
234
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,453
[baby coughing]
235
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:59,557
A little powder under my tush.
236
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,126
Yeah.
237
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:06,831
Okay, now, a nice, clean diapie.
238
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,635
[baby coos]
239
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,505
Try to keep it that way.
240
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,640
[baby sneezes]
241
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,108
You know, this isn't so bad.
242
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,977
'I know I feel better.'
243
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,014
Yeah, you're a happy guy,
aren't you?
244
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,817
[baby laughs]
Yes, okay.
245
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,786
You amuse yourself
246
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:31,022
while I bury this bomb.
247
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:35,560
Clear the area.
248
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,129
Coming through. Watch your back.
249
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,833
I can't believe you
forgot your mitt.
250
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,569
They never play me anyway.
251
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,337
Here, catch.
252
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,374
Better.
253
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,510
I'm gonna go get Eric.
254
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:54,012
ALF!
255
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,851
ALF!
256
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,486
Hm! I can't find ALF.
257
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,822
He's probably
somewhere out back.
258
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:04,923
Hey, sweetie.
259
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,725
Oh! You want out? You want out?
260
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,160
[baby cooing]
261
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,531
Brian, tell ALF that mom called
262
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,899
and asked me to get Eric.
263
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,470
And you might want to take
the price tag off the mitt.
264
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,738
And hurry.
265
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,139
Yes, your heinie.
266
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,341
(Lynn)
'I heard that.'
267
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,909
[car horn honks]
268
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,711
ALF, we took the baby!
269
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,946
[honk]
270
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,148
I'm coming. I'm coming.
271
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,785
[car engine starts]
272
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:37,689
Well, that should take
care of the pesky gophers.
273
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,759
Eric, I'm back!
274
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,461
Did you have time to reload?
275
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,497
Eric?
276
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:46,898
Eric!
277
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:47,899
Eric!
278
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,033
Eric!
279
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,569
Oh, he's gone!
280
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,837
What have I done?
281
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,105
Eric!
282
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:58,943
Well, so much for
keeping my powder dry.
283
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,546
Eric!
284
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,253
(ALF)
Okay, operator,
then how about this?
285
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,990
The baby got zapped
into a parallel universe!
286
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,225
I've seen it happen.
287
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,629
A crank? Do I sound
like a crank, huh?
288
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:18,863
[door rattles]
289
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:19,931
Uh-oh, that must be Willie.
290
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,066
I'll call you right back.
291
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,070
Hi, ALF.
292
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,605
Oh, hi, Willie.
293
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,575
I didn't see you come in.
How was your day?
294
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,610
Mm. Don't ask.
295
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,079
I won't if you won't.
296
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,148
Oh, right. What've you done?
297
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,251
And what's it going to cost me?
298
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,754
Well, you see, Willie,
that's the beauty of it.
299
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:46,891
In the long-run,
it's gonna save you money.
300
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,726
Oh.
301
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:51,095
You mean you did do something?
302
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:54,032
I may have. I don't know.
303
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,467
That's where you come in.
304
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:59,804
Where's Kate?
I want her to tell me.
305
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,039
She doesn't know yet.
306
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:02,240
She jumped off the mommy track
307
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,375
and went to show some property.
308
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,011
Well, who did she
leave the baby with?
309
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,379
Me.
310
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,215
Oh..
311
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:12,650
So, you wanna split a fifth?
312
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,521
What I want is to..
313
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,889
...check on Eric.
314
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,157
Fine. Go ahead.
315
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:22,293
But whatever you do,
don't go in the kitchen.
316
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,062
[hisses]
317
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:36,040
Eric! Eric, you get back
in this dimension
318
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,809
right now, buster!
319
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:40,211
I mean it. Where are you?
320
00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:00,064
This kitchen's fine.
321
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,601
Now I am scared.
322
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:08,106
(ALF)
Eric! Eric, are you up here?
323
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:11,209
Eric,
this isn't funny anymore.
324
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,811
Uh..
325
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:14,979
ALF!
326
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,282
Oh, hi, Willie.
327
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,884
Whatever you do, don't go
to the Chrysler Building
328
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:22,120
in New York.
329
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,355
What are you
doing in the chimney?
330
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,357
(ALF)
Well, it has nothing
to do with Eric
331
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,226
if that's what
you're getting at.
332
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:36,200
Willie! Willie!
Can you get me out of here?
333
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,876
(ALF)
'Willie?'
334
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:46,978
Where is he?
335
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,546
So you don't see him either?
336
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:52,617
Good. We're finally
getting somewhere.
337
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,018
ALF!
338
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,753
I don't know, Willie!
339
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,689
He disappeared!
340
00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:00,058
Disappeared?
What are you talking about?
341
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,826
I don't know
what I'm talking about!
342
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:04,295
That's what I'm talking about.
343
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,230
Did you check the house?
344
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,933
Eric!
Eric, it's dad.
345
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,835
I looked everywhere, Willie.
346
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,270
I'm sorry!
347
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,972
I'm sorry!
348
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,174
I just wanted to do good.
349
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,810
I just wanted to make $6.00.
350
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:24,782
Alright, let's take this
one step at a time.
351
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,485
When was the last
time you saw him?
352
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,287
When I changed his diaper.
353
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,289
I took it outside to bury it.
354
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,525
When I came back, he was gone.
355
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:38,229
Is it possible you
took him with you?
356
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,931
Well, it was a
pretty heavy diaper.
357
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:43,201
But...no. Could I?
358
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,238
Oh, Lord.
359
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,675
Eric!
360
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,010
Eric!
361
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,277
Oh, ALF, give up.
362
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,280
He's obviously not out here.
363
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,483
This is not happening to me.
364
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:02,553
There's got to be some
logical explanation.
365
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:03,821
Maybe..
366
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,224
...a dingo took your baby.
367
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,626
It happened to Meryl Streep.
368
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,496
Maybe he was crying, right?
369
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:14,599
And you picked up and walked him
around to settle him
370
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:18,603
put him down somewhere
and don't remember where.
371
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,339
Willie, you're grasping
at straws.
372
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,842
I'm calling the police.
373
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,244
I'm sorry.
374
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:29,113
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
375
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:31,482
Would it help if I apologize?
376
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,786
Eric!
377
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:39,991
Operator, could
you get me 911 quick?
378
00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:43,361
Oh, of course I realize
I could've dialed that myself.
379
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,864
So you can dial it for me.
380
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:50,835
Which way do you
think will be faster?
381
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,004
Please take control.
382
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:55,139
Oh, thank you.
383
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,408
And you.
384
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,143
Did they find him?
385
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:01,245
Uh, I'm on hold.
386
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,314
Oh, what's gonna happen to me?
387
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,183
I'll probably get the chair.
388
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,051
I don't want to die, Willie.
389
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:09,287
But mostly, I don't like pain.
390
00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:12,156
Hello, 911
391
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,025
I want to report a missing baby.
392
00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:15,426
You've got to find him, please.
393
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,195
H-he's only six months old.
394
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,463
He's out there. He's all alone.
395
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,765
He's scared. He's vulnera..
396
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:25,036
Can I call you right back?
397
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:27,004
Uh-oh.
398
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,906
Stay put.
399
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,541
Hi, honey.
400
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,310
Who was that on the phone?
401
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,981
I have something very serious
to tell you, Kate.
402
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,216
Whatever you do, Kate
403
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,817
don't go to the
Chrysler Building
404
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,720
in New York.
405
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,523
What has he done, and how much
is it going to cost us?
406
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,530
I don't know how to say this.
407
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:55,933
Willie, what..
Is it my mother?
408
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,902
We should be so lucky.
409
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,772
Sit down.
410
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,711
I can't find Eric. He's missing.
I've looked everywhere.
411
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:09,747
Oh, honey, Eric is with us.
412
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,349
[door opens]
413
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,617
Hi.
414
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:13,851
Eric!
415
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,787
Oh!
416
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:17,955
Eric!
417
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:20,458
How come you never
greet me like that?
418
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,693
Oh, Lynn.
419
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:26,597
Lynn, you wouldn't
believe what happened here.
420
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:29,934
What did ALF do, and how much
is it going to cost us?
421
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,804
We thought he
lost our little Eric.
422
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:37,742
It would've cost him his life.
423
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,211
Isn't that the silliest thing?
424
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,313
[baby coos]
425
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,216
Look at this. ALF, he's safe.
426
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,819
He's safe, isn't that wonderful?
427
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,856
Hey, Eric, if I wasn't
doing a good job
428
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:52,957
you should've told me
429
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:57,228
instead of hopping the
first dingo out of here.
430
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,763
ALF, that isn't what happened.
431
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,398
I got a hold of
Lynn after school
432
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,732
and asked her to
take Eric with her
433
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,868
over to Brian's baseball game.
434
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,771
I told Brian to
tell you. Didn't he?
435
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:10,908
Oh, yeah. Obviously he did,
and it slipped my mind.
436
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:14,645
Oh, my gosh. What you guys
must've gone through here.
437
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:18,683
Oh, well, I'm just
grateful it's over.
438
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,485
Hey, why don't you tell her
how you really feel, Willie?
439
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:24,589
Go ahead, give it to her good.
440
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,958
That is how I really feel.
441
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,161
Oh, then while
that dust settles
442
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:33,097
I'd like to say something, Kate.
443
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,432
Okay.
444
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,801
Contrary to what
you people must think
445
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:38,436
I have feelings.
446
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,472
I cried during terms
of endearment.
447
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,774
Although I thought
it was manipulative
448
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,611
it touched me just the same.
449
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:49,680
You also cried
during "Caddyshack II."
450
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,849
But for different reasons.
451
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,485
Anyway, while you were
out showing real estate
452
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,621
I dropped half my body fluid
453
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,790
not that it matters to you.
454
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,326
Well, I had no idea, ALF.
455
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,762
I mopped it up.
456
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:05,863
Thank you.
457
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,399
And here's the
real coupe de ville
458
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,268
you fired me without
even giving me
459
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,737
the chance to prove myself.
460
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,038
And this was one
of the few times
461
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,808
I didn't mess up.
Way to trust.
462
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,910
I've been unfair to you, ALF.
463
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,579
Hey, I was doing
a really good job
464
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,781
before you pulled the rug out.
465
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,750
Will you give us another chance?
466
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:27,985
Not for six bucks an hour
467
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,387
but we'll talk.
468
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,155
[baby coos]
469
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,560
[instrumental music]
470
00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:39,030
[snoring]
471
00:21:39,032 --> 00:21:40,698
[baby cooing]
472
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:44,001
- Willie, what time does..
- Shh, Kate.
473
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,670
Look at this.
474
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:50,608
Oh, it's so cute, honey.
475
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,076
(Willie)
You think the day will ever come
476
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:55,279
that he'll be able to
walk out of here unafraid?
477
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:57,848
Won't have to hide anymore?
478
00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:02,353
I hope so.
It's what keeps me going.
479
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:04,021
Come on, let's get
your jammies on.
480
00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,457
Let's get your jammies on.
Daddy's going to come, too.
481
00:22:06,459 --> 00:22:08,726
Yeah. Yeah.
482
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:13,564
[yawns]
483
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,599
Ah!
Oh, sorry, Eric.
484
00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:18,402
I must've dozed off.
485
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,071
Eric!
486
00:22:20,073 --> 00:22:21,505
Eric!
487
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,275
Oh, no! Not again!
488
00:22:24,277 --> 00:22:26,877
What are the odds?
489
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:28,646
Got to get that kid a beeper.
490
00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:32,249
[instrumental music]
491
00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:36,087
[theme music]
492
00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:03,814
[laughing]
36244
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