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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,976 The great orange hunter 2 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:13,946 stalks his prey. 3 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:25,257 Ah! He sees it. The elusive loin of pork. 4 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:29,995 The most prized catch in the Fridgidari Jungle. 5 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,297 What's this? 6 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,600 "ALF, don't eat this." 7 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,136 Why would I eat this? 8 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,739 Ever so deftly.. 9 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:44,009 ...the great orange hunter maneuvers his weapon. 10 00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,911 Once in position 11 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,446 he strikes! 12 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:48,947 [rumbling] 13 00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:54,620 What? Whoa! Has the hunter angered the Gods? 14 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,390 [rumbling continues] 15 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,493 Whoa! Uh! 16 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:04,229 Okay, I won't eat pork! 17 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,634 [theme music] 18 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,700 [music continues] 19 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,929 (Willie) 'Is everybody alright? Lynn? Brian?' 20 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,131 (Lynn) 'I'm fine, dad.' 21 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,966 (Brian) 'Me too, but I can't find ALF!' 22 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,802 (Willie) 'ALF? ALF?' 23 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:21,707 - Oh! - Are you in here? 24 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,041 He's not in the attic. 25 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,511 - Look at this mess. - ALF! 26 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,546 ALF! 27 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,914 This was his first quake. 28 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,350 Poor little fella, he must be terrified. 29 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,754 I found him! 30 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,523 - ALF, are you okay? - He doesn't look good. 31 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:40,926 It looks like he's in shock. ALF, say something. Anything. 32 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,861 Armageddon! Annihilation! 33 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,097 White hot tentacles of doom spit fire! 34 00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:47,466 Venom! Screeching! Help me! Help me! 35 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:48,767 - ALF. - Help me! Help me! 36 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,002 - Ruination! Devastation.. - ALF! 37 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,703 Apocalypse now! Now, now.. 38 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,439 Thanks, Willie. 39 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,441 Now I'm blind. 40 00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:58,010 Your eyes are closed. 41 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,979 Oh. 42 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,748 Here, let me help you. 43 00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:07,653 Oh, this may stagger your imagination a whit 44 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,455 but I had nothing to do with this mess. 45 00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,057 We know, ALF, we know. 46 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:14,960 - You do? - We had an earthquake. 47 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:18,797 - I see. - And it was a good one. 48 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,733 What was good about it? Why do we have it? 49 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,468 What was it? 50 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,737 Well, let me see if I can explain it, ALF. 51 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,573 You see, the crust of our planet 52 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:30,008 is made of plates of layered rock 53 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,311 that are in continual movement. 54 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,546 Now, when the pressure beneath becomes 55 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,914 too great, it's released through-- 56 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,383 Thank you, Mr. Wizard. 57 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,353 Kate, the short strokes, please. 58 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:45,390 Do you remember when Godzilla destroyed Tokyo? 59 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,994 Well, that's a rather extreme example, Kate. 60 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:52,064 Raymond Burr analogies are rarely pretty. 61 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,200 Look, we-we just had an earthquake 62 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,835 and we are all fine. 63 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,170 We just have to remember to be prepared 64 00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:01,740 and follow some basic safety rules. 65 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,177 Willie, get the ledger! Kate has more rules! 66 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:07,946 (Raquel) 'Kate? Willie? Is anybody home?' 67 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,215 (Kate) ALF, get in the kitchen. 68 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:13,185 Uh, that is, stay in the kitchen. 69 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,689 - Oh, hi, Raquel. - Willie, Kate. 70 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:21,226 - We had an earthquake! - Uh, so did we. 71 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,161 - How's Lynn? - Oh, Lynn's fine. 72 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:24,963 - Does she need comforting? - Oh, no, she's fine. 73 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,099 - 'Cause if she does, I could-- - She's fine! 74 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:30,602 - Glad to hear it. - So where's Trevor? 75 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,104 On the porch. 76 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,173 Trevor, come on in. 77 00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:41,546 Is this structural? 78 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,248 Yes, I believe so. 79 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:46,685 Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to stand here. 80 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,021 Trevor, I-I've never seen you like this. 81 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:54,092 Oh-oh-oh, Trevor, it's-it's gonna be alright. 82 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,962 It-it-it's gonna be alright. 83 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:59,898 Trevor, this is making me very uncomfortable. 84 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,437 I'm sorry. I'm just traumatized. 85 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,106 He always acts like this after an earthquake. 86 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,842 Or whenever Whoopi Goldberg's on "Star Trek." 87 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,913 You know, Trevor, uh 88 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,316 statistically you have more chance of being injured 89 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:20,452 in your own bathtub than you have in an earthquake. 90 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:21,820 Oh, yeah? 91 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,422 When's the last time your bathtub opened up 92 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:26,825 and swallowed you streaming into the fiery bowels of the earth? 93 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,128 He's got me there. 94 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,164 Well, we'll be on our way. 95 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,499 We just wanted to make sure that you were okay. 96 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,369 And say hi to Lynn, and everybody for me. 97 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,738 - Trevor, you'll be fine. - You think so? 98 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,873 Of course. 99 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,142 With the proper professional assistance. 100 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:50,082 We live on a planet with fiery bowels? 101 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,485 Trevor was just overreacting. 102 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:56,388 You know, I'd hate to see him in a big earthquake. 103 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,491 But we just had a big earthquake. 104 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:03,562 - Didn't we? - They can be bigger. 105 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,097 How much bigger? 106 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,599 A little bigger. 107 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,203 Can they be a lot bigger? 108 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:14,639 Well, yes, sometimes. Not often, though. 109 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,341 Just-just relax, ALF. 110 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:20,245 Right...relax. 111 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,883 Is this thing structural? 112 00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,853 [instrumental music] 113 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,159 You know, in a way, that jolt we had last night 114 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,561 was probably a very good thing. 115 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,398 If you enjoyed it that much, why not just strap 116 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:44,035 a lightning rod on your head and wander around in the rain? 117 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,737 No, I think what Willie means is that 118 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,407 it's reminded us to come out and check our supplies. 119 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,108 It says here that we should have 120 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:53,111 a half gallon of water a day for each of us. 121 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:56,281 So for two weeks, that makes 35 gallons. 122 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,850 Well, hey, yeah. 123 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,752 Uh.. 124 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,688 Hey! Ahem. 35 gallons of water. 125 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,124 Wait, I have questions. 126 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,727 Why do we need so much bottled water? 127 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,629 Well, that's in case our water supply 128 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,997 becomes contaminated. 129 00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,465 What about food? 130 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,268 We have a two-week supply of food. 131 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:19,371 We have peanut butter, we have granola bars 132 00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:23,975 evaporated milk, canned meat, fish. 133 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,744 We had a two-week supply of peanut butter 134 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:29,881 granola bars, evaporated milk, canned meat and fish. 135 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,751 It was nowhere near a two-week supply. 136 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,086 I ate it in 37 minutes. 137 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:39,624 ALF, those were our survival rations. 138 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,860 And I survived. 139 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,962 Now, you know they work. 140 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,966 Restock foodstuffs. 141 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,968 Padlock foodstuffs. 142 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,471 [instrumental music] 143 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,479 I, uh, saw the truck outside. 144 00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,814 I guess the extra water we ordered came. 145 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,684 Oh, yes, water came. 146 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,986 Last load. 147 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:18,630 Four hundred and seventy-six dollars. 148 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,068 I'm afraid, uh, we didn't order this much water. 149 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,572 You got a Gordon Shumway at this address? 150 00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:30,175 Just once, I was hoping that just once 151 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:33,478 it might be a legitimate mistake. 152 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,315 Uh, say, I don't suppose there's a chance 153 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:40,519 you could take a couple dozen of these back? 154 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,222 That's pickup. I'm delivery. 155 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,459 Well, goodbye, or as we like to say au reservoir. 156 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,833 What'll it be? Cup of soup? 157 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,135 Cocoa with teeny marshmallows? 158 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,771 Or maybe just the straight stuff straight up. 159 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,242 I know that look. 160 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,280 I find it unsettling. 161 00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:11,616 [instrumental music] 162 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:13,585 [hammering] 163 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,290 ALF? 164 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,160 Oh, hi, Willie. 165 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,362 What are you doing? 166 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,298 Hammering. 167 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,567 Could you be a little more specific? 168 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,402 Hammering nails. 169 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:34,506 Why are you nailing your bed to the floor? 170 00:09:34,508 --> 00:09:37,075 Well, it wouldn't make much sense to Scotch tape it 171 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,044 now, would it? 172 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,180 ALF, nailing your bed down 173 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,516 isn't gonna help you during an earthquake. 174 00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:47,385 It'll keep me from sliding down the stairs. 175 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,154 Then I'm running a bumper around the bed 176 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,655 for shock absorption. 177 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:55,360 And underneath, in case of a tidal wave...pontoons. 178 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:56,962 I'm telling you, Willie, this bed is gonna be 179 00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:00,031 the safest place in the house. 180 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,800 ALF, I really don't-- 181 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,368 I know what you're gonna say 182 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,503 and I could put you in one of these babies 183 00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:08,707 for 99.95, yes? 184 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,676 That's 99.95. 185 00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,044 [screaming] 186 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,713 It's okay, ALF. It's an aftershock. 187 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,415 - Come into the doorway! - I'll be safer in here! 188 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,852 Oh-h-h. 189 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,724 Two seconds later, and I would have had 190 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:29,127 the weight of the world where my head used to be. 191 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,398 No, ALF, that-that-that's only a globe. 192 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,067 That wouldn't have hurt you. 193 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,203 Don't you see, Willie? 194 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,372 It's a sign. 195 00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:42,340 No matter what you do 196 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,843 no matter how many precautions you take 197 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,479 sooner or later this planet is gonna get ya. 198 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,749 Oh, take it easy, ALF. 199 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,283 You'll be fine. 200 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,552 Yeah, but for how long? 201 00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,421 Face it, Willie. 202 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:59,691 Earth is hazardous to your health. 203 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,895 [instrumental music] 204 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:09,735 [instrumental music] 205 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:10,669 I know this is hard for you to understand, Bri. 206 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,338 It's hard for me to understand too. 207 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,241 Sometimes it's Bert Convy, sometimes it's Vicki Lawrence 208 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,309 sometimes it's Sally Struthers. 209 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,911 But no matter who hosts 210 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:22,313 it's always "Win, Lose Or Draw." 211 00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:25,350 That's a load off my mind. 212 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:27,452 [knock on door] 213 00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:28,987 (Jake) 'It's me. Jake!' 214 00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,555 It's open. 215 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,792 - Hey, guys! - Morning, Jake! 216 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:34,893 - Hi. - Hi. 217 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,728 Hi, Jake, so how did your Uncle Trevor 218 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,797 handle that aftershock last night? 219 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:42,200 Not too well. He started sleepin' in the doorway. 220 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,070 Well, that's just silly. 221 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:48,573 I know, but at least he wakes up with the morning paper handy. 222 00:11:50,644 --> 00:11:52,744 Willie.. 223 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,879 ...just let me look at ya. 224 00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,283 Kate! 225 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,187 Funny, special Kate. 226 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,490 Lynn, why.. 227 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,325 Why, you're a woman now. 228 00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:13,565 Brian...is this the little boy I carried? 229 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,335 And, Jake.. 230 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,270 What is a friend? 231 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,240 A friend...is Jake. 232 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:28,246 Let's all just...be. 233 00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:32,917 You wanna stay for breakfast, Jake? 234 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,519 Okay. Here. 235 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,654 Ah, the complex parade 236 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,757 that is life. 237 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:42,026 ALF, is this something we should be asking you about? 238 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,496 It's simple, oh, my Willie. 239 00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:47,132 Last night's narrowly averted tragedy 240 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,933 gave me pause. 241 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,302 I thought you already had paws. 242 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,805 Ha ha ha ha ha. 243 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,242 Witty, urbane Lynn. 244 00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:58,977 [laughs] 245 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,278 What I meant was 246 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,647 it gave me pause to think. 247 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,183 I've been trying to escape my fate 248 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,218 but there is no escape! 249 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,220 If an earthquake doesn't get me 250 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,122 a monsoon might. 251 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,423 Or an avalanche. 252 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,759 Or a firestorm. 253 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,529 Or...food poisoning. 254 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,999 What is your point? 255 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,467 My point is 256 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,637 any breath I draw could be my last. 257 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:28,873 So I'm going to savor every moment I have left. 258 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,411 There goes one now. 259 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,481 What's wrong with ALF? 260 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,916 Nothing's wrong with me. 261 00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,652 I've simply adopted a new philosophy. 262 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,321 Eat, drink, and be merry. 263 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:47,659 - For tomorrow we croak. - Tomorrow? 264 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:51,462 It's just an expression, Brian, albeit a mangled one. 265 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,164 Are you sure you're alright, ALF? 266 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,734 I'm fine. In fact, I'm perfect. 267 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,537 Come on, everyone, let's all join hands 268 00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,973 for a chorus of "Kumbaya." 269 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,677 [instrumental music] 270 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,381 [birds chirping] 271 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,583 Okay.. 272 00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:14,052 [speaking French] 273 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,823 [clicks tongue] I should have stuck with Latin. 274 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,993 [inhales deeply] 275 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,462 [sighs] Lynnocence 276 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,931 my lovely flower of spring 277 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,801 seeing you brings a lump to my throat. 278 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,603 Not unlike a goiter. 279 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,172 ALF, that's gross. 280 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,807 Alright, a bunion. 281 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,210 I really don't have time for this. 282 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,612 I've got to learn this French 283 00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:43,348 plus I've got a history final tomorrow. 284 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,650 History is history! 285 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:49,320 What's important is today, now, this moment. 286 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,623 Savor, Lynn. 287 00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:53,925 Look, ALF, if I don't study today 288 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:57,896 I'll be savoring failure about 9:45 tomorrow morning. 289 00:14:57,898 --> 00:15:01,399 How many temblors will it take for you to see the light? 290 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,968 We've only had two. 291 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:09,207 Well...perhaps I'm more introspective than you. 292 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:12,543 Well, when I think of all the moments on Melmac 293 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,712 that are lost forever 294 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,415 because I didn't take the time to savor them. 295 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,952 Like the time, Benny Fudderman and I.. 296 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,155 See, I forgot. 297 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,324 Oh! 298 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,660 If only I had savored. 299 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,264 Lynn...take a tip. 300 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:37,435 Be...here...now. 301 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:42,840 You take a tip. Be...gone...now. 302 00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,010 I take my leave. 303 00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:50,682 If you need me, I'll be out with God watching Brian grow. 304 00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,917 - Right. - Oh, and Lynn.. 305 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,453 I love you. 306 00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,589 [chuckles] 307 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,658 [instrumental music] 308 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:05,830 What if I talk dad into moving someplace where it's safe? 309 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:09,000 - Like where? - I don't know. 310 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,435 Kansas? 311 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:13,371 You could be blown away by a tornado. 312 00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:15,707 How about Hawaii? 313 00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:17,842 The volcanoes will get ya. 314 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:21,145 - Canada? - Blizzards! 315 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,648 - Florida? - Old age! 316 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,318 So live, Brian, live! 317 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,555 Because...sooner or later.. 318 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,859 ALF! 319 00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:38,596 - Hey, ALF, Brian. - Hey, Jake. 320 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,165 Jake...less than a brother 321 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,301 more than a friend, have you been sav-- 322 00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:46,904 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been savorin' life left and right. 323 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:50,908 That's good. Because life is like death row. 324 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,812 And every day you live is a stay of execution 325 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:58,282 until the one day when the big governor in the sky 326 00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,852 doesn't make that phone call. 327 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,920 I think I'll go inside for a while. 328 00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:05,623 Okay, B. Hey, savor your parents for me. 329 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,291 Oh, and Brian! 330 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,494 - What? - I love you. 331 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,966 Don't you think you might be scarin' the kid? 332 00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:19,470 Scarin' him? I'm teaching him how to enjoy life. 333 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,440 - Have it your way. - Oh, Jake.. 334 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,043 In case this is the last time we see each other-- 335 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,678 Will you cut out all this last-time stuff? 336 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,349 I'm just goin' home! What's gonna happen to me there? 337 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,719 Well, you could slip in the tub, choke on your dinner 338 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,622 fall down the stairs, trip over the dog 339 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,123 accidentally flush yourself-- 340 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:41,492 I'll come back when you're in a better mood. 341 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,529 Oh, hey, Jake! I love you! 342 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,864 And I mean that. 343 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:47,999 Truly. 344 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,202 [instrumental music] 345 00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:56,574 - Brian? - 'Hi, dad.' 346 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,811 - Brian? - 'I'm under here.' 347 00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:02,547 Well, pfft, we've been looking all over for you. 348 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,282 What are you doing under the bed? 349 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,318 - 'This is where I live now.' - What? 350 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,755 (Brian) 'This way, if anything happens I'll be safe.' 351 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:14,959 - Safe from what? - 'Well, everything.' 352 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,797 (Willie) It's no good keeping things like this inside. 353 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,232 If something's bothering you 354 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:24,535 it's important to-to tell somebody about it. 355 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,604 I agree, honey. 356 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,072 Hi, Kate. 357 00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:30,241 But why are you talking to Brian's bed? 358 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,877 (Brian) 'Hi, mom.' 359 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,512 Bri? 360 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,948 Bri, what are you doing under there? 361 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,150 It's the only place he feels safe. 362 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,620 Brian.. 363 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,655 Why-why are you so frightened? 364 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,858 (Brian) 'Because tomorrow we croak.' 365 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:50,595 Why does that sound familiar? 366 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,130 Listen, Brian, uh.. 367 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,932 none of us is going to croak 368 00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:57,702 for a long, long time. 369 00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,837 (Brian) 'You can't be sure.' 370 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:03,241 No, but...I can be almost sure. 371 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:06,477 And I'll tell you something I am sure of. 372 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,012 If you spend you're whole life 373 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:11,215 worrying about all the bad things that could happen 374 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:13,484 you're gonna miss all the good things 375 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,986 that will happen. 376 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:18,256 Oh, there you guys are! 377 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,424 I want to savor you. 378 00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:22,460 Oh, good, good. You can start with Brian. 379 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:26,063 - He's under the bed. - What's he doing under there? 380 00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:29,767 Have you ever heard of catastrophic expectations? 381 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,068 Of course. 382 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,404 It's a Melmacian dating service. 383 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:37,742 No, ALF, catastrophic expectations 384 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,745 means you live your life fearing the worst. 385 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,315 So? 386 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:47,718 So that's exactly what you've been doing! 387 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,854 Hey, if you've got a good thing going 388 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:53,057 I say stick with it. 389 00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,592 We don't care if you stick with it 390 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,861 but you're scaring Brian. 391 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,764 Oh, he's savoring dust bunnies. 392 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,466 Come on out, B. 393 00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:04,869 (Brian) 'I'm not coming out. I'm never coming out!' 394 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,673 Whoa-ho-ho. Extreme! 395 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,543 There's nothing wrong with living cautiously. 396 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,947 But if you spend each day focusing on mortality 397 00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:18,149 each day a little piece of you 398 00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:20,651 is going to experience that mortality. 399 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,620 Do you understand me, ALF? 400 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,389 No. 401 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:30,661 (Brian) 'I do. You mean don't be scared of stuff until it happens.' 402 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,797 Gee, Willie, why didn't you say that? 403 00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:35,066 I thought I did. 404 00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,668 All I wanna know is 405 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:40,171 does this leave room for savoring? 406 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:42,740 Of course it does, ALF. 407 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,775 Just savor life out of joy 408 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,711 not out of fear. 409 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,313 So what you're saying is 410 00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,382 we should eat, drink, and be merry 411 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:53,951 for tomorrow we eat, drink, and be merry again. 412 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,921 Let's try, eat, drink 413 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,757 and clean up anything you spill. 414 00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,794 Why don't you come out from under the bed, Bri? 415 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,634 - Feeling better? - A little. 416 00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:11,902 Hey, sorry if I scared you, B. 417 00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,105 No problem. 418 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,141 - Uh, you wouldn't want to-- - The helmet stays. 419 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,378 [instrumental music] 420 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:28,886 Uh, I thought you were delivery, not pickup. 421 00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:32,490 I got a promotion. Just my luck, huh? 422 00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:36,394 Well, uh, I guess this covers the delivery and the, uh 423 00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:40,631 thirty-five gallons we are keeping a-a-and the pickup. 424 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:43,267 Can you throw a little somethin' in here for my chiropractor? 425 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,171 No. 426 00:21:47,173 --> 00:21:48,406 Yeah. 427 00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:50,341 Well, thanks for everything. 428 00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:59,083 Hey, is all my water gone? 429 00:22:00,219 --> 00:22:02,453 Yes, thankfully. 430 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:05,356 Well, that's too bad. I had a great idea. 431 00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:08,192 - Wanna hear about it? - Not especially. 432 00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:13,864 But it's hot. It's now, it's quintessential late '80s. 433 00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:16,567 Would you speak no more about this? 434 00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,469 Fine. 435 00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:20,004 But without the water slide 436 00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,907 I don't think Tannerland is gonna catch on. 437 00:22:25,611 --> 00:22:27,812 [instrumental music] 438 00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:35,853 [theme music] 439 00:23:02,348 --> 00:23:03,614 [ALF laughing] 34570

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