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1
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,850
You missed a spot.
2
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,522
ALF..
3
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,793
...I'd like to hear
about it one more time.
4
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:29,294
Don't torture yourself, Willie.
5
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,363
- Please. Just once more.
- Don't!
6
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,399
Why'd you flood the house?
7
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,068
I wanted to make a skating rink.
8
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,839
And how are you planning
to freeze the water?
9
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:44,476
By turning
the air conditioner on high.
10
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,247
I'd like to hear about it
one more time.
11
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,381
Just one more, come on.
12
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,583
This is not
a Bergman movie, Willie.
13
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:54,053
It's fairly cut and dried.
14
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:56,488
Water, air conditioner
15
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,891
holiday on ice.
16
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,028
Ah. I'm gonna go
for a little while.
17
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:06,565
I'm gonna, uh, rent a pump
for the basement.
18
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,634
Just tell me one more time,
just one more--
19
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,336
Willie, go rent your pump.
20
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:15,140
Now, I'm going to rent..
21
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,842
...a pump!
22
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,513
What was all that about?
23
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,416
[telephone ringing]
24
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,585
Your two dimes.
25
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,320
(male #1)
'Gordon Shumway?'
26
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,056
Speaking. Who's this?
27
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:34,593
This is someone
who knows you're an alien.
28
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,199
And if you don't pay me
$3000 by Friday
29
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,302
I'm gonna turn you in
to the authorities.
30
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:46,638
Ah, the number you have
reached is not in service.
31
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,875
Please hang up and dial again.
32
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,577
Don't get cute.
33
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:52,845
I'll call you back
tomorrow morning
34
00:01:52,847 --> 00:01:55,481
with more details, pinhead.
35
00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:01,053
Oh. Okay.
36
00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,821
Don't panic.
37
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,691
Willie will help you.
He always helps you.
38
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,262
I'm dog food.
39
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,131
[squealing]
40
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:16,635
[theme music]
41
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:49,668
[music continues]
42
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,696
[instrumental music]
43
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,666
Willie, have you noticed
44
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,501
that ALF's been acting
strange lately?
45
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:25,103
Yeah. It's going on
three years now.
46
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,005
I mean, like last night
when he apologized
47
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,541
for every bad thing
he's done since he got here.
48
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,710
Alphabetically.
49
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,680
[sighs]
I get lost between
drain cloggage
50
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,182
and drywall damage.
51
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:38,817
Well, I guess you missed
the part where he confessed
52
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,687
to kidnapping
the Lindbergh baby.
53
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:42,888
[knock on door]
54
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,591
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanners, it's me!'
55
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,865
- Morning.
- Good morning. I'll take it.
56
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:57,269
- Take what?
- Your house.
57
00:03:57,271 --> 00:04:01,240
"House for sale, $4000."
58
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:03,942
- You found that on our lawn?
- Yeah.
59
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,011
I can let you have
100 bucks up front
60
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,747
if you'll finance the rest.
61
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,916
Well, that's very generous
of you, Trevor, but..
62
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,118
[chuckles]
...I think there's been
a mistake.
63
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:17,489
Okay, I'll let you have 4100
and your lawn mower back.
64
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,425
But that's my final offer.
65
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,161
No. I mean, uh,
we're not selling--
66
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:27,299
Someone must've put that
on our lawn as a kind of prank.
67
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:30,502
Oh, it's too bad.
68
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,104
This place would've made
a nice summer home
69
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,106
for me and Raquel.
70
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:43,582
Captain's log, Stardate 2525.
71
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:45,917
Man, I'm still alive.
72
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,787
I'm now attempting to earn
the blackmail money
73
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,356
by recycling soda cans.
74
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,359
Oh, ALF!
75
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,695
What are you doing?
76
00:04:56,697 --> 00:05:00,365
Tempting diabetes. You?
77
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:04,069
Why did you drink
every can of soda in the house?
78
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,571
Currently, I'm recycling cans.
79
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,975
In a short while,
I'll be recycling soda.
80
00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:13,345
Let me have a crack at him.
81
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,814
What's the meaning of this?
82
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,384
I figured we could use
some extra cash.
83
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,654
ALF, is there some reason other
than the extensive water damage
84
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,656
why we should sell
our house as quickly
85
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,826
and as inexpensively
as possible?
86
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,295
I just thought
it would be a good idea.
87
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,897
You never know when
you're gonna have to pay off
88
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:34,733
some extortionist.
89
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,235
[laughing]
90
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,905
Okay, let-let me guess.
91
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,007
You need money for some reason?
92
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,675
- Good morning.
- Morning.
93
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,945
- No. No, not so far.
- What's going on?
94
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:50,215
We're in the process
of ascertaining that right now.
95
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,118
I would've told you yesterday.
96
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,354
But I was waiting
for the carpets to dry out
97
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,988
and you to calm down.
98
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,391
ALF, would've told us what?
99
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:03,729
This hoodlum called
and put the squeeze on me.
100
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,964
He says he knows I'm an alien
101
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,800
and if I don't pay him $3000
102
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,503
he'll turn me in!
103
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,672
Woe is me.
104
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,375
Woe is me.
105
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:22,414
If you leave now, you could beat
the lines at the bank.
106
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,983
Ask for small, unmarked bills
107
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:28,420
that's standard
blackmailing procedure.
108
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:32,924
ALF, you don't really expect us
to buy this story, do you?
109
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,060
You don't believe me!
110
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,763
I don't think it was
a blackmailer, ALF.
111
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:41,166
I think it was probably
just a crank call.
112
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,702
Did the voice sound familiar?
113
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:46,204
Well, first I thought
it might be Kate
114
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,473
but the voice
wasn't high enough.
115
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,809
Then I thought
it might be Kate's mother
116
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:53,211
but the voice
wasn't low enough.
117
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,882
You suspected one of us?
118
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,050
Well, you have the most to gain.
119
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,919
- I cost you tons of money.
- Oh.
120
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,555
You have no life of your own.
121
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,590
Privacy is nil.
122
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,692
And I'm shutting up now.
123
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,162
- I didn't tell anyone.
- None of us did.
124
00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:12,464
And it wasn't my mother either.
125
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:16,535
Well, I know that.
The voice wasn't snarly enough.
126
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:20,505
Wasn't nasty and vile enough.
127
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,507
Don't push it.
128
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:30,348
Did the extortionist
say anything else?
129
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:34,186
Yeah, he said he'd call me back
later this morning, pinhead.
130
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,989
I beg your pardon?
131
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,058
That's what he called me.
132
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,728
I would never
call you a pinhead.
133
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,931
Not to your face.
134
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,266
Wait.
135
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:51,102
If this blackmailer
asked you for $3000
136
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,672
why were you selling
our house for 4000?
137
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:57,309
I figured you guys should get
something out of it.
138
00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:01,580
I can help. I have ten dollars
and 32 cents in my piggy bank.
139
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,815
No, you don't.
140
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,351
We'll talk about it later.
141
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:09,354
[instrumental music]
142
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,326
[telephone rings]
143
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,930
(ALF on recorder)
'Hi, this is Gordon Shumway.'
144
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,267
'I'm dead right now,
please leave your name, address'
145
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:24,202
'and extortion demands
at the beep.'
146
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,705
'And I'll get back to you
probably never.'
147
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,674
'As I said, I'm dead.'
148
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,377
(Willie on phone)
'ALF, pick up the phone.'
149
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:39,084
ALF, if you're there, answer.
150
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,221
- Willie?
- 'Yeah.'
151
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:46,224
Oh-oh. Oh, hold on. Hold on.
Let me turn this off.
152
00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:49,961
What-what are you doing?
153
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:53,131
I'm trying to trace
all incoming phone calls.
154
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,234
And I'm also
eating potato chips.
155
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,470
Stop fooling around
with the phone, will you?
156
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,907
Uh, tell Kate
that I'll be late for supper.
157
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:04,175
Oh, sure. Don't worry about me.
158
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,444
I'm only the blackmailee.
159
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:12,517
Did the alleged man
call you back yet?
160
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,553
Well, not exactly.
161
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:18,857
Then it doesn't seem to me
that you're being blackmailed.
162
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,293
- Oh, and, ALF.
- Yeah?
163
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:24,930
- 'Change the message.'
- Okay, bye.
164
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:34,472
Hello?
This is the Tanner residence.
165
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:38,410
If you called to terrorize
anyone here you're too late.
166
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,145
So why don't you just
shrivel up and die
167
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:43,315
you scummy pile
of meatloaf slag.
168
00:09:43,317 --> 00:09:45,550
Please wait for the beep.
169
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:48,553
[instrumental music]
170
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,328
- Hi, ALF.
- Aah!
171
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,765
Sorry.
172
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,369
I saw your light on.
You can't sleep?
173
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,104
How do you expect me to sleep?
174
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,074
In 24 hours, I'm gonna
be hamburger helper.
175
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:13,445
Would you stop
the ground meat metaphors?
176
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,481
Nobody's gonna turn you in
to the authorities.
177
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,817
You don't believe me either,
do you, Lynn?
178
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,186
Tsk. It's not that
I don't believe you.
179
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:25,590
It's just that you have
a tendency to...overstate.
180
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,159
Do not, do not, do not.
181
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,030
Look, you said this guy was
going to call you back
182
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,132
this morning. Did he?
183
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,634
- No.
- No.
184
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,535
A-and you said he told you
something terrible
185
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,438
was gonna happen
if you didn't pay him off.
186
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,674
- Did it?
- Well, no.
187
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:46,011
See, you were all worried
for nothing.
188
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:51,449
You know, if mom and dad really
thought you were in danger
189
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,752
they'd do something about it.
190
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,823
So why don't you just
get some sleep, okay?
191
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,359
Okay. I'll see you
in the morning.
192
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:04,496
- Okay. Goodnight.
- Night, Lynn.
193
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,668
Don't worry about me.
194
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,304
If you need me,
I'll be up here overreacting.
195
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,508
[telephone ringing]
196
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:24,249
- Hello?
- 'Gordon Shumway?'
197
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:28,653
- Yes.
- You got the money?
198
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,221
Um, oh, I'm working on it.
199
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,757
Who should I make
the check out to?
200
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:35,427
Nice try, pinhead.
201
00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:37,195
But you better come up
with the cash
202
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,799
or it's too bad
about the Tanners.
203
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,635
'They're gonna be in a lot of
trouble for keeping you.'
204
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:46,538
But I guess a little jail time
never hurt anyone.
205
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,940
[laughing]
206
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,809
[dial tone]
207
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,980
When the going gets tough
208
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:58,183
the tough get going.
209
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,219
And so do I.
210
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,222
[instrumental music]
211
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,358
[pounding on door]
212
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,531
- Just a minute!
- I don't like this, Willie.
213
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,867
Even Trevor doesn't
come over this late.
214
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,836
Just...just wait here.
215
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,270
[pounding continues]
216
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,073
- Who is it?
- 'Immigration.'
217
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,850
- Are you William Tanner?
- Yes.
218
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,486
I'm Lee Frazer
with Immigration Service.
219
00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:37,422
We've been informed that
you're keeping an alien here.
220
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,491
- What?
- Yes, sir.
221
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:44,596
- An undocumented resident.
- Oh, Willie!
222
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:47,766
I think they mean
an illegal alien.
223
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:51,970
Right. It's illegal for us
to arrest legal aliens.
224
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,638
[Kate laughing]
225
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,609
Well, there are no aliens,
illegal or otherwise here.
226
00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,410
Mind if we check?
227
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,247
Well, do you mind
if I see a search warrant?
228
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,250
[groans]
229
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,255
- What's going on?
- Are we busted?
230
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:13,758
- No.
- Maybe.
231
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,495
Uh, they're-they're looking
for illegal aliens!
232
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,632
Human illegal aliens!
233
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:23,735
Who may be hiding somewhere
in our house!
234
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,505
You have a basement or attic?
235
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:30,275
Well, w-we just
fumigated the attic.
236
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:33,011
The fumes are,
ha, ha, really bad.
237
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,380
We could get you a fan if you
really need to go up there.
238
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:38,183
Thanks. That won't be necessary.
239
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,552
He's in the attic.
240
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,788
Where is it?
241
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:53,832
What are we going to do?
They're gonna find ALF!
242
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,734
- We've got to warn him.
- How can, how can we warn him?
243
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,603
There's only one way
up to the attic.
244
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:02,674
- What's this?
- Looks like a note from ALF.
245
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,576
A note from ALF.
246
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,711
"Dear family,
my imaginary blackmailer
247
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,847
"called again tonight
and threatened to send you all
248
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:12,584
"to the imaginary slammer
if I don't pay up.
249
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:15,353
"I would rather be
turned into cream chip beef
250
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,923
"than to see you go to jail
because of me.
251
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,359
"You're welcome.
252
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,962
"Anyway, I had to take..
253
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,431
...the car."
254
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,536
"Tell Willie to calm down.
255
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,273
"I'll leave the car
on Highway 71
256
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,609
"just outside
Edwards Air Force Base.
257
00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:40,845
Don't worry,
nobody will want to steal it."
258
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,715
ALF's joining the air force?
259
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,951
That's where
the Alien Task Force is.
260
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:49,387
He took the car.
261
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:54,259
[instrumental music]
262
00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:01,432
Oh, greetings,
members of the Alien Task Force
263
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,635
please don't kill me.
264
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,438
Too on the nose. Oh.
265
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,208
Dear Alien Task Force members
266
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,077
uh, spare my life
and I can offer you
267
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,713
untold technological secrets.
268
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:18,416
Like how to program your VCR.
269
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,254
Alright, how about this?
270
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,756
Alright, look, you guys
271
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:28,226
before you dissect me
I'd like to say one thing..
272
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,894
...don't!
273
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,764
Better, better.
Honesty is the best policy.
274
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,669
[instrumental music]
275
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,942
Who lives...in the attic?
276
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,212
Nobody.
277
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:51,983
We just found the remnants
of about 50 TV dinners up there.
278
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,619
Care to comment?
279
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:59,023
We hoard. Don't we, dear?
280
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,459
Hmm? We're hoarders.
281
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:05,997
What made you think
we had an illegal alien?
282
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,599
His name turned up
on a mailing list.
283
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,601
Our computers red-flagged it
when they couldn't match it
284
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,870
to a Social Security number.
285
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,739
But who brought this
to your attention?
286
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,709
What difference does
that make, pinhead?
287
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,879
So...where is he?
288
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:28,619
Look...I can make a lotta
trouble for you.
289
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,558
Since you didn't find anyone
I'm gonna have to ask you
290
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,961
and Darryl and Darryl to leave.
291
00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:40,598
This isn't over.
292
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:46,304
Pinhead,
isn't that what ALF said
293
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:47,405
the blackmailer called him?
294
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:50,475
Yes. Yes,
it's getting very clear.
295
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,610
ALF really was
being blackmailed.
296
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,747
Oh, honey, the poor little guy
must be terrified.
297
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:58,416
Dad, what if something
happens to him?
298
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:02,487
And I yelled at him for taking
my ten dollars and 32 cents.
299
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,023
- Okay, let's go.
- Well, wait, wait!
300
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,991
We have no car.
301
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,694
I know even I don't
usually come over this late
302
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:13,798
but I heard the commotion.
Who are the suits?
303
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,934
Oh, just a couple of gentlemen
from immigration.
304
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:20,071
- Oh, I understand.
- No, you don't.
305
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,806
My cousin's a lawyer.
306
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,274
Call this number
307
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,744
and ask for an inmate 2-4-6-0-1.
308
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,883
- Trevor, can we borrow the car?
- Again?
309
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,185
What's wrong
with yours this time?
310
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,753
What was the reason before?
311
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,190
Somebody filled your gas tank
with malted milk balls.
312
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,626
Same problem. Thanks.
313
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,196
Hey, Willie, don't worry!
314
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,900
This immigration thing will
be our own little secret!
315
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,037
[instrumental music]
316
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:04,115
[door creaking]
317
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,150
Hello?
318
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:08,119
Anyone in here?
319
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:11,089
I, uh..
320
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:15,159
...I ran out of gas
just down the road.
321
00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,095
Hello?
322
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,464
[sniffs]
323
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,166
Interesting aroma.
324
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:25,403
Oh, hey, I don't suppose
you have a key to the house.
325
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,071
I need to use the phone.
326
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:29,407
[mooing]
327
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,942
Sorry.
328
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,580
Well, I guess
I can relate to you.
329
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,516
We're all prisoners
in one way or another.
330
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,420
But must it be so?
331
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,789
I cannot change my own destiny.
332
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,625
Maybe I could change yours.
333
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,527
Go!
334
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,395
Get along, little doggie.
335
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,599
- Yee-Haw!
- ALF!
336
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,368
Willie, how did you find me?
337
00:18:57,370 --> 00:19:00,972
I saw the car parked down
by the side of the road.
338
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:04,742
I followed the empty
candy wrappers here.
339
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,878
Well, I was gonna pick them up
on my way back.
340
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,314
They were to help me
find the car.
341
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,316
What happened?
342
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:15,620
You neglected to fill the tank.
343
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:19,357
ALF, you don't have to
turn yourself in.
344
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,958
I must. I must.
345
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,762
No, no.
I know who's blackmailing you.
346
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,398
And he doesn't think
you're an alien alien
347
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,202
he thinks that you're
an illegal alien.
348
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:35,373
You mean I almost turned myself
in because of semantics?
349
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:39,810
I almost turned myself in
because of semantics!
350
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:44,015
ALF, uh, why did you..
351
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,652
Why didn't you come to me before
you did something this drastic?
352
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,153
I did come to you.
353
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:52,123
If you'll recall,
you didn't believe me.
354
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,825
Oh, I know. I'm sorry, pal.
355
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,963
Besides, he threatened
to have you guys arrested.
356
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,999
I thought I'd work
through this myself.
357
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:05,970
ALF, what was the last thing
you tried to do by yourself?
358
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,706
Build a skating rink
in the living room.
359
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:13,211
Egad! A pattern.
360
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,713
We'd better get out of here
before somebody sees you.
361
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,283
Okay, but wait.
We can't leave my friend.
362
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,952
- Your friend?
- Yeah.
363
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:24,455
- I named her after your wife.
- Kate?
364
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,123
Bossy.
365
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,661
Besides, you know
what happens to them.
366
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:37,668
ALF...this is a milk cow.
367
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:40,304
They don't slaughter milk cows.
368
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,775
They don't? You lying cow!
369
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:47,678
Come on. Let's hit the trail,
Willie Earp.
370
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,615
Somebody's coming.
371
00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,516
I'll hide in the kitchen.
372
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:56,287
- Where's the kitchen?
- Just hide.
373
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,761
Who are you?
374
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,764
I'm Willie Tanner.
I'm from the city.
375
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:11,235
- What are you doin' here?
- Oh, well, I-I..
376
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:14,872
I know what you're doing.
You're a chicken thief!
377
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:17,775
Oh, no, no, no, you see..
378
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,343
I really hate thieves.
379
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:22,913
They're always taking things
that don't belong to 'em.
380
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,819
You win.
381
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:32,023
Well, look here. My car ran out
of gas down the road.
382
00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:34,759
I was just wondering if maybe
I could get some from you?
383
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:37,194
Why didn't you say so? Sure.
384
00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:39,330
I can fill this up for ya,
I got a tank.
385
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,365
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.
386
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:43,567
Say, how much would
you want for that?
387
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:46,070
Oh! Twenty dollars.
388
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:50,074
Twenty dollars
for a gallon of gas?
389
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,645
The nearest gas station
is a four hour walk.
390
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,848
Kinda cold to be
walking in jammies.
391
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,119
Thank you.
I'll go fill this up for you.
392
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:10,261
He was nice.
Why didn't you tip him?
393
00:22:10,263 --> 00:22:13,197
- Just get back to the car.
- Okay. Race you back to town.
394
00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,599
No, there's not gonna
be any racing.
395
00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:18,602
Kate's gonna drive our car.
I'm gonna take Trevor's.
396
00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:20,805
Okay. Just a second.
397
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:24,608
Bossy, it's been a pleasure.
398
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:26,744
Take care of yourself and..
399
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:29,180
...watch that cholesterol, huh?
400
00:22:32,218 --> 00:22:34,785
[instrumental music]
401
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:40,691
Well?
402
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,760
Well, it looks like
we were right.
403
00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,495
Frazier's supervisor
at the INS
404
00:22:44,497 --> 00:22:46,897
said they've suspected him
for a long time
405
00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:49,266
of shaking down
illegal immigrants.
406
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:52,470
Now, he's been suspended
pending an investigation.
407
00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:53,704
Oh! Alright.
408
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:56,006
Well, I wish
I would've been here.
409
00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:59,810
I'd have realigned
his front end.
410
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:01,979
It just scares me to think
how close you came
411
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:04,849
to actually turning yourself in.
412
00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:07,818
You saved my life, Willie.
413
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,787
I'll never forget it.
414
00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:11,522
From now on..
415
00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:14,125
...you are my slave.
416
00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:17,428
So what else is new?
417
00:23:22,769 --> 00:23:25,970
[theme music]
418
00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:53,931
[mooing]
32992
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