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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,403
[ALF burps]
2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,904
Stomach number four?
3
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:10,042
Three. Number four still
hasn't digested that Reebok.
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,846
- Hi, everyone.
- 'Hi, dad.'
5
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:17,383
Gentlemen, start your enzymes.
6
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,851
I'll get dinner.
7
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,486
I'll help.
8
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:23,589
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Don't tell me.
9
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:26,025
That new guy at work
held you up again.
10
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,628
Yeah. Once that Jim
starts talking to us
11
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,196
it's just impossible
to get away.
12
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,500
This time I actually had
my hand on the car door
13
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,668
before he got me.
14
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,237
Who is this guy?
15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,506
The idiot son of the boss?
16
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:43,709
No, he's just an idiot.
17
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,912
Well, you better not
be late tomorrow night.
18
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,881
Or have you forgotten
about helping me
19
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,783
put up the satellite dish?
20
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,218
What satellite dish?
21
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,554
Oh. I ordered a satellite dish.
22
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,523
It'll be here tomorrow.
23
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,324
Will you help me put it up?
24
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,859
I'll help you send it back.
25
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,694
Can't, I bought it during their
26
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,632
"Absolutely No Refunds,
What Are You, Deaf?" Sale.
27
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,368
Absolutely no refunds?
28
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:10,736
What are you, deaf?
29
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,705
[theme music]
30
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,759
[music continues]
31
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,745
[music continues]
32
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,870
(Jim)
But how many canals are
actually being built today?
33
00:02:17,872 --> 00:02:19,671
I really like
your car, Willie.
34
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,706
I don't know why
people are always
35
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,608
bad-mouthing domestic cars.
36
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,276
There are more important
things than good mileage
37
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,611
styling and resale value.
38
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,814
Thank you, Jim.
39
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,216
Please. I keep asking you
40
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,951
call me "Jimbo".
41
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,855
N-no.
42
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,591
Come on. I'm the only Jim
you'll ever meet
43
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,293
who'll let you
call him "Jimbo".
44
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,494
Live a little, Willie.
45
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,029
I am living.
46
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:46,865
So, uh, you from
California originally?
47
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,700
I was born in Seattle.
48
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:52,471
I attended school,
graduating in 1974 from NYU.
49
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,872
I worked in record promotions
50
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,108
prior to my current job
at Social Services.
51
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:58,911
My hobbies are saving whales
and driving my DeLorean.
52
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:03,916
- That's quite a life.
- No book offers yet. Ha ha!
53
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,287
Speaking of your DeLorean..
54
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:10,789
Um, when are you gonna
get it out of the shop?
55
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,257
I'm in no hurry.
56
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:15,294
I'd rather they fix it
right than fast.
57
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,795
Fast is good, too.
58
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,032
Well..
59
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,633
Here we are.
60
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,635
This is my apartment.
61
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,171
It's lovely. Goodnight.
62
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,606
When you said you'd
take me home tonight
63
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:30,008
I assumed...you meant
your home.
64
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,245
Well, why would you..
65
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,847
I mean, what made
you think that?
66
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:40,052
I just assumed you invited
me home to dinner.
67
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,486
Oh.
68
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,121
Oh, no, that's okay.
69
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:46,258
I'm getting pretty good
at making macaroni and cheese.
70
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,193
I'll get better when
they fix my stove.
71
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,465
I remember home cooked meals
with my folks..
72
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,400
...when they were still alive.
73
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,069
Boy..
74
00:03:57,071 --> 00:04:00,272
You just never appreciate stuff
like that until it's gone.
75
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,709
You know, ordinarily
76
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,346
I'd love to invite you, Jim-bo.
77
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:10,916
- But--
- Oh, no, I'd never impose!
78
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,252
It's against the orphans' creed.
79
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,794
- I don't suppose you--
- Love to.
80
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,863
Can I bring a can or something?
81
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334
[instrumental music]
82
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,706
- How's it going?
- Lousy.
83
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,441
I'm getting a lot of static
84
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,444
and for once, it's not
coming from Kate. Ha!
85
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,415
Ha ha!
86
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,384
It says here that,
"The satellite dish
87
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,085
"must be in an open area
88
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,488
so nothing blocks its signal."
89
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,989
Then there's only one solution.
90
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,759
I must tear down the garage.
91
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,028
Where's dad?
92
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,429
He called a little while ago.
93
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,998
He's bringing Jim Hutchinson
home for dinner.
94
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,199
What?
95
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,635
Why didn't you tell me
this when he called?
96
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,971
I thought it would give you
less time to bellyache.
97
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,107
Why don't you bring
the portable TV
98
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,909
out to the garage with you?
99
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,477
What's the point?
100
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,347
The dish isn't working,
Willie promised to help me
101
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,783
and now he's bringing
home strays.
102
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:23,121
You're just lucky we're letting
you keep that satellite dish.
103
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,791
Don't use the words,
"lucky" and "dish"
104
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,160
in the same sentence
unless you mean it.
105
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,529
[horn honking]
106
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,897
Dad's home.
107
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,633
- ALF?
- What?
108
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,701
The garage?
109
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,736
Objection.
110
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,237
Overruled.
111
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,175
However, it was
Mark Twain's contention
112
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,943
that in heaven
there is no humor
113
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,878
due to the fact that
humor comes from pain.
114
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,979
Since there is
no pain in heaven
115
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,448
then there must be no humor.
116
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,950
Mark Twain's real name
was Samuel Clemens.
117
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,954
Oh, you've stopped.
118
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,226
Hi, everyone. This is Jim.
119
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,995
- Jimbo.
- Jim-bo.
120
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,764
Jimbo, this is my family.
121
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,933
This is Kate and Lynn and Brian.
122
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,334
- Hello.
- Hi.
123
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,569
Hi, Mr. Jimbo.
124
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,274
Uh..
125
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:22,381
We sometimes loan our cable
hook-up to the neighbors.
126
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,786
Dinner's ready.
Grab a chair.
127
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,788
Thanks.
128
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:34,159
Look, uh, if I'm imposing
in the least, I'll leave.
129
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,994
I'm used to eating alone.
130
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,929
I'm an orphan.
131
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,031
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
132
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,334
Most people are.
133
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,603
And no, you're not
imposing in the least.
134
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,173
Are you from around here, Jimbo?
135
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,708
I was born in Seattle.
136
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:53,178
I attended school,
graduating in 1974 from NYU.
137
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,513
'I worked in record promotions'
138
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:57,115
'prior to my current job
at Social Services.'
139
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,284
'My hobbies are saving whales..'
140
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,424
Hi, ALF.
141
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:06,591
Yeah.
142
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:12,230
I.. I wanted to apologize
for not being to help
143
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,099
you setup the satellite dish.
144
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:18,370
You know, I never really
meant to invite Jimbo over.
145
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,605
You brought home
an elephant for dinner?
146
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:25,343
I said Jimbo...not Jumbo.
147
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,346
How's the dish working?
148
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,882
Better since I hauled
it up on the roof..
149
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,884
...by myself.
150
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:36,188
Never mind that I almost
threw out my back.
151
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:39,524
Stop trying to make
me feel guilty, ALF.
152
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,259
I'm not.
153
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,695
By the way,
sorry about your wheelbarrow.
154
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,264
I landed on it
when I fell off the roof.
155
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,635
You're not going
to make me feel guilty.
156
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,205
I'm not trying to.
157
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:56,174
But I'm sure the electric shock
I got when I plugged the dish in
158
00:07:56,176 --> 00:08:00,312
only took, what,
80, 90 years off my life?
159
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,381
Okay, I feel guilty.
160
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,618
Something I said?
161
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,891
Another thing
I'll bet you didn't know
162
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:16,528
Columbia, South America
is completely East of Florida.
163
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,196
And the Atlantic end
of the Panama Canal
164
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,532
is West of the Pacific end.
165
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,036
I had no idea.
166
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,172
- Kate, did you?
- Mm-mm.
167
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,008
- Lynn?
- Mm-mm.
168
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,310
We had no idea.
169
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:37,115
It's your bedtime, Lynnie.
170
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,450
Oh, thank you.
171
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:40,552
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
172
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:44,289
Gosh! Look, Jimbo,
look how late it is.
173
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:48,560
You're right. There's a great
Senate Filibuster on C-SPAN.
174
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:51,196
You think we can get the cable
back from your neighbors?
175
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,566
We'll see if
they're still up.
176
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,303
They usually go to bed
at a decent hour.
177
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,604
Thanks.
178
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,043
ALF!
179
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,212
How long have you
been out here?
180
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,948
Long enough to hate
little Orphan Whiney
181
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,384
with every fiber
of my being.
182
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,521
It's not his fault
he's an orphan.
183
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,524
Wanna bet? He probably
bored his parents to death.
184
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:24,296
Honey, it is time
for him to go home.
185
00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:25,864
I'm trying, Kate.
186
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,266
The man cannot take a hint.
187
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:31,736
See if he can take
a swift kick in the butt.
188
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,406
Alright, he's taken advantage
of us long enough.
189
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,975
I'm just gonna have
to be firm with him.
190
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,277
Firm? Ooh!
191
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,545
I haven't seen you
this worked up
192
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:43,214
since the time
you were adamant.
193
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,120
Too rough?
194
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,024
This is interesting.
195
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,292
'Did you know
your satellite dish'
196
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,261
'operates at a frequency
of four gigahertz'
197
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,562
as opposed to
the infrared band
198
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,798
which is considerably
higher on the spectrum.
199
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,868
It's very late.
200
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,470
I know it is.
201
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,172
And I'm sure
you're tired.
202
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,908
Well, as a matter
of fact, I am.
203
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,110
So, you don't have to bother
about driving me home.
204
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,212
Just give me your keys,
I'll sleep in the car.
205
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,515
We couldn't let you
do that.
206
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,018
No, really,
I'll be fine.
207
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,753
It'll be nice and quiet
in your car.
208
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,221
Not like my apartment.
209
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,490
They're building that
new freeway, you know?
210
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,225
But the noise
is usually drowned out
211
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,227
by the all-night
bowling alley.
212
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,464
Well, then, of course..
213
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,233
You can always spend
the night here.
214
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,302
Only if I'm not imposing.
215
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,072
We can put Brian
in with Lynn
216
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:43,375
and, uh, you can
have his room.
217
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:46,311
You folks have been
so nice to me.
218
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,046
Can I level with you?
219
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,748
I guess.
220
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,319
My name is not really
Jim, it's Steve.
221
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,355
Goodnight, Steve.
222
00:10:57,357 --> 00:11:00,558
Please, call me
Steve-O-Rino.
223
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,627
Goodnight,
Steve-O-Rino.
224
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,162
You know
225
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,197
I am glad you didn't ask me
226
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,066
why I don't go
by my real name
227
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,901
because I can't tell you.
228
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,737
I wish I could
229
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:15,440
because it's a really
great story, but..
230
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,108
They told me
I couldn't.
231
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,677
Well, I shouldn't.
232
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,712
But I could.
233
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:23,081
Since you handled
the name thing so well.
234
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,883
Okay, I'll tell you.
235
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,120
How long?
236
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,722
Not long.
237
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:32,957
Have you ever heard
238
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,427
of the Federal Witness
Protection Program?
239
00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:37,362
Yes, they give
new identities
240
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,964
to people who have
testified in trials.
241
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,766
You're in that program?
242
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:44,469
I can't really say.
243
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,770
Yes.
244
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:47,772
I testified against
some counterfeiters.
245
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:50,442
Nailed them good. They've been
looking for me ever since.
246
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:52,577
Oh, where's the john?
247
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,847
Right this way, Jim.
248
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:59,217
Uh, Steve...O-Rino.
249
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:06,825
You're not seriously gonna let
Scarface stay here, are you?
250
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:10,528
He's not a criminal.
He's a witness.
251
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,231
What if the mob
finds him here?
252
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,600
They'll blow us up
in our sedan!
253
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:19,604
There is no mob
in this neighborhood.
254
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,806
And of course they
couldn't just drive
255
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,876
into this neighborhood
in their sedans.
256
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,746
Goodnight, ALF.
257
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,614
Wait, you can't
go to bed, Willie.
258
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,416
You have to stay awake
and protect us
259
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,552
from a sedan-related death.
260
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,956
If you're that concerned
261
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:41,693
why don't you stay up?
262
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:45,663
Immediately I realize
the folly of that statement.
263
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,666
Go to the garage.
264
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,870
And wake up with
Mr. Ed's head in my bed?
265
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,009
I think not.
266
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,055
This is the city.
267
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,958
Los Angeles, California.
268
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,695
I was working the night watch
out of the backyard.
269
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,330
Today is Friday.
270
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,699
My name is ALF.
271
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,968
I carry a bat.
272
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,036
[leaves rustling]
273
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,941
Whoa, someone's lurking
in the bushes.
274
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:34,145
[meowing]
275
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,414
Cat burglar.
276
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,816
[man screaming]
277
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,719
Wha.. Oh, an intruder!
278
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,257
[screaming]
279
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,527
Oh! Oh! Ow! ALF, no!
280
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,429
ALF, what are you doing?
281
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,199
Protecting the family
from murderers!
282
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:58,336
You were the last person I
would have suspected, Willie.
283
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,873
[groans]
I'm not a murderer..
284
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,541
...yet!
285
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,276
Yeah, maybe
I should come back
286
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,045
when you're
in a better mood.
287
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,615
Get me down from here!
288
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,618
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanner, is that you?'
289
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,724
Trevor, what I'm doing..
290
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,060
...is very complicated
291
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,495
and it requires
all my concentration.
292
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,131
So if you'd please
care to come back later
293
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,834
I'd be happy to answer
any questions at that time.
294
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,936
Thank you,
and goodnight.
295
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,071
Goodnight.
296
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,510
Get me down!
297
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,379
Okay, okay.
298
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,986
[Willie slamming]
299
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,488
[groaning]
300
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,194
ALF, would you come
over here for a minute?
301
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,595
Uh-uh.
302
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,297
Would you just..
Would you mind just coming..
303
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,466
Coming here just within
my reach, please?
304
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,668
You appear to be
at the end of my rope.
305
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:10,141
I thought I told you
to go to bed!
306
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,444
Willie, one of us has to insure
domestic tranquility.
307
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:16,547
And provide for
the common defense.
308
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:20,151
Besides, you didn't
say, "Simon says".
309
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,589
[snoring]
310
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,890
[car door closes]
311
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,594
What.. Oh.
312
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,896
A stranger approacheth.
313
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,700
Steady, ALF.
314
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,402
Steady.
315
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,570
Don't soil yourself.
316
00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:59,657
[screams]
317
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,962
Behold. Excalibur.
318
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,065
ALF? What was that?
319
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:11,102
Willie, you're just in time.
I caught a murderer.
320
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,136
[Willie gasps]
321
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,208
Don't mention it.
322
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,210
He's out cold.
323
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,913
My guess would be that he hit
his head on your sewer pipe.
324
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,916
What's going on, ALF?
325
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,819
Hero ALF.
326
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,888
Why is dad going
through the pockets
327
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,658
of man in a hole
in our backyard at night?
328
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,893
Because we have an alien.
329
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,161
Oh, right.
330
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,630
What are you looking for?
331
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,265
His wallet.
332
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:44,736
Okay, but we split 50/50.
333
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,674
I am looking
for identification!
334
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,443
You're wasting your time.
335
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,780
No criminal's gonna
carry ID on him.
336
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,617
Unless he's an FBI agent.
337
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,220
ALF!
338
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,621
[gasps]
339
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,859
I disavow any knowledge
of my actions.
340
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,193
Bye!
341
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,032
Dad, do you think
he's okay?
342
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,568
Well, other than that
unsettling grin on his face
343
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,570
he seems to be fine.
344
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,573
I should tell Jimbo.
345
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,175
Come on, Lynnie.
346
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:29,614
You have to help me!
347
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:33,084
Don't let this G-man
take me away!
348
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,720
What do you suggest?
349
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:39,624
Well, I can't take the rap
and you shouldn't have to.
350
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,493
How about Kate?
351
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,662
[sighs]
Oh, ALF.
352
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:48,232
Just thinking out loud.
353
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,034
How about Kate's mother?
354
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,337
Forget it.
I'm calling a doctor.
355
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,606
[car door opens]
What's that?
356
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,141
[car door closes]
357
00:17:57,143 --> 00:18:00,144
It's, uh...it's a sedan.
358
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,082
It's the mob!
359
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,249
[knock on door]
360
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,884
May I help you?
361
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,787
(male #1)
'FBI may we come in?'
362
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,956
Willie, don't be a hero!
363
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,859
Don't be a fool
with your life!
364
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,063
Could I see some
identification, please?
365
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,731
Yes, sir.
366
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,235
They've got their ID.
367
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:25,770
Oh.
368
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:29,073
Well, I can't let you go to jail
for something I did..
369
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,341
...again.
370
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,978
Which way is South America?
371
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,246
[knock on door]
372
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,647
Adios.
373
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,119
We're looking
for Jim Hutchinson.
374
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:41,986
Is he here?
375
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,455
Yeah, he'll be out
in a second.
376
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,756
Who's this?
377
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,893
Oh, he's-he's one
of your men.
378
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:52,797
Willie? What's-what's going on?
379
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,133
Well, there's more FBI now.
380
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,869
Oh. Nice to meet you.
381
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:00,671
Please don't take
my husband away.
382
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:04,675
Honey, iksnay
on the A-L-Jay.
383
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,211
This ID's a fake.
384
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,448
Hi, guys!
385
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,417
Hi, Jim. Jimbo.
386
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:15,620
Can we talk
privately?
387
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,623
Hey, it's okay,
they know all about me.
388
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,925
You told some more people?
389
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,561
Why don't you just buy
airtime on the Super Bowl?
390
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,263
[chuckles]
391
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,864
He's the funny one.
392
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,033
We just found out
the Cleveland syndicate's
393
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,134
lookin' for you.
394
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,570
This must be
the guy they sent.
395
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:33,971
They must have made up
this fake ID
396
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,806
in order to trick Jim..
397
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,176
Jimbo into going
with him.
398
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,280
Shouldn't you be arresting him
about now or something?
399
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,348
Yes, ma'am,
under the circumstances
400
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,717
I think it's best
we take both of them.
401
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,753
Fine.
402
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:52,323
Not that we haven't enjoyed
having Jimbo stay over.
403
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,724
Thanks.
404
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,493
For everything.
405
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,827
You're the first
person I ever knew
406
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,829
who overlooked
my many faults
407
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,365
and accepted me
for what I am.
408
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,067
I'm gonna miss you, Willie.
409
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:07,338
But they say friendship
is like an iceberg.
410
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,674
You can't tell by what's
above the surface
411
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,375
just how deep it goes.
412
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,412
Did you know the Titanic's hull
413
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,682
was separated into
16 watertight compartments?
414
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,684
Write him a letter.
415
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,430
ALF?
416
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,166
ALF? Where are you?
417
00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:36,734
Maybe he's
in the garage.
418
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,903
(ALF)
'Ah, oh, ow!'
419
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,641
Oh, ah.
420
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,409
Stupid pipe!
421
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,379
ALF, guess what?
422
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:52,049
For once your overreacting
actually paid off.
423
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:55,453
That guy you caught
really was a crook!
424
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,689
As it turns out,
you are a hero!
425
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,391
Well, that's nice.
426
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:02,226
Really great.
427
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:03,694
Just one question.
428
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,696
Yeah?
429
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,965
Who are you people?
430
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,742
For meritorious service
431
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,411
above and beyond
the call of duty
432
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:24,081
we hereby present to you
the Tanner Medal of Honor.
433
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,816
(Kate)
'Hear, hear!'
434
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,019
Yay, ALF!
435
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:30,321
My hero.
436
00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:31,522
Shucks, folks.
437
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,392
I'm speechless...almost.
438
00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:39,063
"One score and 12 years ago
439
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:41,999
"My parents brought
forth a new hero
440
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:44,435
conceived in a De Soto,
and dedicated--"
441
00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:47,938
ALF. ALF, wrap it up
or we take the medal back.
442
00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:50,808
"As God as my witness
443
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,444
I'll never be hungry again."
Thank you.
444
00:21:56,316 --> 00:22:01,419
And now, Kate, how about
making me a hero sandwich?
445
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:03,487
[laughing]
446
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,056
[knock on door]
447
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:13,331
Does this belong to you?
448
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:15,166
I believe so, yes.
449
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,968
You got something I could
cut Raquel down with?
450
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,505
I think there's something
in the garage.
451
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:23,207
I'll help you.
452
00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:25,309
If you don't want people taking
avocados from your tree
453
00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:27,011
just say so.
454
00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,356
Last trap, I promise.
455
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:46,530
[theme music]
456
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,353
[music continues]
457
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,890
[laughing]
34838
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