Original subtitles

Can I have Willie's meatloaf, Kate?

No!

Fine.

If Willie isn't home by midnight

then can I have his meatloaf?

- Hi, honey. - Hi, everybody.

- Hi, dad. - Hi, dad.

Can I have your meatloaf?

No.

Let Willie answer.

- Willie? - No.

Shoot!

Honey, how was the union meeting?

Well, they elected me picket captain.

What does that tell you?

Oh, you're going on strike?

[inhales deeply] I'm afraid so.

Oh.

Just the thought of it gives me a sick feeling

in the pit of my stomach.

Then meatloaf would only make you more queasy.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[theme music]

- Willie? - Oh.

Honey, what's wrong?

Oh, it's this strike.

I'm afraid it's gonna last for quite a while.

Oh, honey, we've got our savings.

We'll be okay for now.

Well, it's not just that, Kate.

There are a lot of people that depend on social services.

Where are they gonna turn when we're not there?

Willie, you work hard.

You're entitled to fair compensation.

Now, in any strike there are innocent people

who are gonna suffer, but on the other hand

if you feel justified in your demands

you cannot really assume responsibility for every--

Kate?

Yeah?

I think I can sleep now.

Question.

Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Bottom line.

I'm concerned about how this strike

is gonna effect everyone, especially me.

Spoken like a true humanitarian.

I know. And I have the solution in five simple words.

Willie gets a-nother job.

That's four words.

Good, I ran out of fingers.

You know, as a matter of fact, I was just thinking

that I should go back to work.

Hah hah hah!

Good one, Kate!

I have always worked, ALF.

I sold real estate, by choice

until I got pregnant with Lynn, by choice.

I went back to work, by choice

until I got pregnant with Brian, by choice.

And I was just getting ready to go back to work, by choice..

...when we got you.

I have a gut feeling I'm not gonna hear the words

"By choice."

ALF, you know we're glad you're part of this family.

We are, ALF. Even at this inconveniently late hour.

Then isn't it time we made it official?

Made what official?

My adoption.

Oh, I don't even think we can do that.

Can we? No, we can't do that.

Why not?

Well, for starters..

...there's that species thing.

It doesn't bother you

that I don't bear the Tanner name?

No.

ALF, please. Go back to bed.

But, Kate, if you get a job

who's gonna take care of me?

Willie will be here.

No offense, but, Kate, if you get a job

who's gonna take care of me?

ALF, you're 231 years old.

You should be able to take care of yourself by now.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- Hi, ALF. - Yo, Bri.

What you watchin'?

"Love Connection," "Bonanza"

"People's Court," "Divorce Court"

"Superior Court," "Surfer Hawks"

"Oprah," "Phil," "Geraldo"

and some movie with Dean Jones.

Doesn't that make you dizzy?

Yeah.

Hey, where you going?

Homework.

Are you calling mom again?

Call Kate?

Why would I call the woman who abandoned me

in my century of need?

[sighs]

Tough day on the line, Norma Rae?

Please stop calling me that.

I called you that because I like you.

I really like you.

Oh.

Boy, I feel like I walked about 50 miles today.

Say, you're not calling Kate again, are you?

For your information, I'm calling for the time.

Kate? What time is it?

Thank you.

Willie?

Yes, ALF?

Are you asleep?

Yes, I am, and deeply so.

Well, I guess it doesn't bother you then, huh?

You guess what doesn't bother me?

That you don't have a job anymore.

I have a job.

Then why aren't you going to it?

I explained this to you already, ALF.

Not to my satisfaction.

[sighs] In business..

...there is something called management

and something called labor.

Wait, wait, wait. Let me get comfortable.

Management--

Can you hand me my soda, Willie?

- Management-- - And the chips.

And a napkin.

- Are you ready? - Not quite.

[cracks knuckles]

Ready.

Management hires labor to..

...well..

...labor.

What does management do?

Nobody's quite sure.

Anyway, when..

[slurping]

When labor feels that they're

not being treated fairly

for example, if they feel they're not being

paid enough, then--

I never thought I'd say this, weeping willow

but Kate's more fun to have around than you are.

Remember how she used to look?

Smiling.

Serving food.

Following me around with a Johnny mop.

- Now she's dead. - She's not dead!

She's just working.

Dead, working, same thing.

Did it ever occur to you that Kate might want

to have a little more out of life?

If it ain't broke, don't step on it.

Fix it.

Fix what?

The expression is

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Why would you?

Go, call Kate.

Why? I already know what time it is.

Get the weather.

[instrumental music]

See? I told you it would all come back to you.

It's just like riding a bicycle.

[sighs] Oh-ho, yeah.

A bicycle with new tax regulations

variable interests rates

balloon payments, escrow charges--

You don't have to worry about everything at once.

Why don't you just start with the Romansky mortgage?

Go ahead, compute the interest rate.

Okay.

You think they can swing it at..

Hmm.

...two hundred and sixty seven percent?

Well, if they cut back in other areas.

[chuckles]

Here, try it like this.

[keys clacking]

Oh! Oh!

[telephone rings]

Kate Tanner.

(ALF on phone) 'I knew that.'

Hi there.

Why are you calling me here again?

Willie told me to.

Nice try.

No, he did. He did.

He wanted me to ask you about the weather.

How about stormy?

Did you have a special reason for calling me again?

Well, yeah, yeah.

I have a question.

How long does this career thing usually last?

ALF, we have been over this.

I am here because I want to be.

I want to work, I like to work

I always planned to come back to work.

How can I make you understand this?

He thinks the lady doth protest her lunch.

- Too much. - Too much what?

I'm hanging up now.

Yep. Definitely stormy.

[instrumental music]

Mmm, Brian, w-would you hand me the garlic press?

What's a garlic press look like?

Well, it-it's right there next to the garlic.

What's a garlic look like?

Haven't you ever helped your mom in the kitchen?

Sure, I say, "Mom, it's burning."

And she says, "Thanks, Bri."

I promise not to burn the pasta primavera.

Pasta primavera?

I thought we were having spaghetti.

It is spaghetti.

It's spaghetti with broccoli

and peas and zucchini

and a light tomato cream sauce.

Well, I like the sauce that Kate opens.

How come there's weeds in this salad?

They aren't weeds.

That's radicchio.

The whole idea of you cooking is radicchio.

- Hi, everybody. - Hi.

- Hi. - Oh, hi, honey.

You're-you're kinda late getting home.

Yeah, Julie and I stayed after school

to protest cheerleading tryouts.

Well, why would you do that?

I was protesting because I think cheerleading

is a sexist exploitation

of the concept of woman as perennial spectator.

Julie was protesting because she was eliminated

in the first round.

Mmm, pasta primavera.

You see? Lynn appreciates my cooking.

Sure, scrape off the vegetables

and that pink stuff and it's great.

Anything I can do to help?

Yeah, you could take the radicchio

out of this salad.

No, everything's timed perfectly.

The pasta's on a slow rolling boil

the sauce is simmering nicely.

Dinner will be ready in exactly

one minute and twelve seconds.

What's this stuff?

Will you stay out of that salad?

Yikes! The radicchio is making a break for it!

ALF, I want you to clean this mess up

and I want you to stay out of my way.

- Dad? - What?

I think your spaghetti's done.

Oh! Ah!

- Here, here, here. - Ah!

[rattles]

Hi, mom.

[timer dings]

Dinner is served.

[instrumental music]

¶ M is for the many times she leaves me ¶

¶ O is for the office ¶

¶ Where she goes ¶

[knocking on door]

(Kate) 'ALF, it's Kate. Can I come in?'

Kate? The name is vaguely familiar.

And I've heard that voice before.

'Oh, it's you.'

You look terrible. All white and tired and old.

How's the job going?

The job is fine, thank you.

Oh, I'm so glad.

I never realized there were so many pictures of me.

Let alone here in the garage.

Well, don't worry.

You're not wearing lingerie in any of these.

[chuckles] Well, that's a comfort.

I gave the lingerie shots to Willie.

You t-took..

Kidding.

Thank goodness.

Had you, didn't I?

Okay, ALF, out with it.

Out with what?

Look...ALF, I know you pretty well.

And I can tell when you're upset about something.

Well..

...if, uh, hypothetically speaking

something were to upset me..

...and I'm not saying anything has, but..

- Hypothetically. - Right.

If someone close to me...were to return to work, let's say..

...it might, in the cosmos of my psyche..

...create an emotional black hole.

- Hypothetically. - Hypothetically.

ALF, why has my going back to work upset you so much?

Everything's changing too fast!

What do you mean?

Well, you got a job now.

Lynn's starting college pretty soon.

Brian beat me at chutes and ladders

just the other day.

I wish things could stay just the way they used to be..

...in the good old days. Last week.

ALF, everybody feels that way sometimes

but listen, change can be a very positive thing.

Oh, yeah?

Every time my life changed

it seemed like my world fell apart.

Like when my world fell apart.

ALF, things do change. Lynn and Brian are growing up.

I have a new job. And who knows?

Tomorrow, Willie may decide to chuck it all

and become a lobster fisherman.

Shellfish makes him wheeze, remember?

I was speaking hypothetically.

Oh.

But, ALF, one thing never will change

and that's the fact that you're a part of our family.

You decided to adopt me?

I thought we explained that to you.

It would make me feel a lot more secure

about my position in the family.

Now, ALF, you know that's impossible.

I'll give you a dollar.

(Willie) You in there? Hey, great news!

- The strike is over! - Oh!

Hah! I'm gonna go.. I'm gonna go back..

I'm going back to work on..

...on Mon-Monda..

W-why are there pictures of my wife

all over the garage?

Oh, honey, I'll explain that later.

I'm so happy you're going back to work!

Me too!

Now Kate can quit her job and come home

and make me salad without weeds.

Radicchio.

ALF, haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying?

Well, I have been known to tune you out.

ALF, just because Willie is going back to work

doesn't mean I'm gonna quit my job.

Not even if I say please?

I'm sorry, ALF.

She doesn't take any guff, does she?

Very little.

[instrumental music]

Oh, did you need that?

[door opens]

Hi, Kate.

Hi, honey.

Hi, ALF. Hi, Willie.

Willie...um..

...uh, re-remember the first time that..

...that I stopped working?

Um-m-m..

...it was when you were expecting Lynn.

Well..

...do you remember the second time?

When you were expecting Brian.

Well, you know..

...I haven't been feeling too great lately

and, um... I've been feeling

you know, kind of tired.

Well, gosh...honey, you ought to see a doctor.

I did.

Willie, you lox!

Your wife is telling you she's about to spawn again!

- You are? - Yeah.

Are we..

Great! A new baby!

We'll raise him as our own!

Well, he or she will be our own.

Well, as our own. It's not our own.

Lynn! Brian!

Come here, I want to tell you something!

- I love you. - Oh, I love you.

What's up, dad?

There..

There's going to be

an addition...to our family.

We're adopting ALF!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

No, it's not that.

I'm gonna have a baby.

- Are you kidding? - No, I'm not kidding.

Oh, mom! That's great! This is so '80s!

How'd that happen?

[laughs]

We-we'll discuss that later.

I can't believe it!

You're gonna be a mother!

Brian, get some papers.

Lynn, boil some water.

Well, ALF, the baby won't be here

for eight months.

Who's talking about the baby?

I want a cup of tea and I want to read the funnies.

[instrumental music]

So, how are you feeling?

Oh, great, I haven't thrown up in twelve minutes.

You know, I never had morning sickness

with my other kids.

How long is it supposed to last?

Until they leave for college.

[laughing] Thanks a lot.

[telephone rings]

Kate Tanner.

(ALF on phone) 'Yo, Kate, guess who!'

Alex Trebek.

[imitates a buzzer]

You didn't give your answer in the form of a question.

Okay, in the form of a question

why are you bothering me?

Um..

...I needed to ask you something.

Well?

Uh..

...when are you coming home?

The same time I came home last night

and the night before and the night before that.

Oh.

Is that it?

Uh...no.

Well?

I miss you.

I'll see if I can get off a little early.

Bring me a present?

Don't push it.

[call disconnects]

She still loves me.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

So, Brian...my son.

Yes, dad...my father.

Well, your-your mother tells me

you've been asking, uh, a lot of questions, uh

about...you know, uh

about the baby.

You know... where it comes from.

Where it's going.

How it gets there.

Oh, you mean the facts of life?

Well, that's one way of putting it, yeah.

You don't have to worry, dad.

ALF explained everything.

Oh...ALF?

Yes, Willie?

I understand you took it upon yourself

to educate my son about the birds and the bees.

Uh...yeah.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Although I don't think he understood

the part about releasing the pods.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[ALF laughing]