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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:02,868
[clinking]
2
00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:05,437
Ooh, ham and eggs!
Thanks, Kate.
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,706
Oh, no.
ALF, these are for everyone.
4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:08,807
Oh.
5
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,443
[sneezes]
6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,781
Actually, I'm in the mood
for oatmeal.
7
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:18,250
I think I'll, uh,
get somethin' at work.
8
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,753
I'm gonna have
to change my shirt.
9
00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:21,720
[knock on door]
10
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,490
- Who is it?
- 'It's me, Jake.'
11
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,991
Oh, come on in, Jake.
12
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:29,194
Joy. That's twice
my appetite's been killed.
13
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,631
Hey, morning, Jake Kiboody.
What brings you over?
14
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:35,501
Aunt Raquel and Uncle Trevor
have been fightin' again.
15
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,102
What was it about this time?
16
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,771
Allow me.
17
00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:42,441
Raquel thinks Trevor's a slob,
that he doesn't appreciate her
18
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:45,110
and some other
female paranoia nonsense.
19
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:51,850
Hey, you crawl under people's
houses, you hear things.
20
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:54,686
[theme music]
21
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,452
Jake, would you like
to join us for breakfast?
22
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,753
Whatcha havin'?
23
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,789
Green eggs and ham.
24
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,591
Pass.
25
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,860
[knock on door]
26
00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:10,429
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanners, it's me!'
27
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:14,099
Oh, great.
Pig outus interruptus.
28
00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:16,735
Yeah.
29
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,204
Oh, come on in, Trevor.
30
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,841
- Oh, what's up?
- Uh, nothing much.
31
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,743
And even if there was
I'm not the kind of guy
32
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,278
that would burden you
with my problems.
33
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,846
Raquel just threw me out.
34
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,415
Oh, Trevor, I'm sorry.
35
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,917
She called me a slob.
36
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,085
We know.
37
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,089
- Hey, I didn't tell 'em.
- Who did?
38
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,493
Uh...I did.
39
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:46,231
Somehow she got
the ridiculous idea
40
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,700
that she doesn't
love me anymore.
41
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:52,070
So, are you, uh, looking
for a place to stay, Trevor?
42
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,640
Ow!
43
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:57,176
Uh, leg cramp.
44
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,446
I don't know
where I'm gonna stay.
45
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,483
Do you know anybody that would
kindly put me up for the night?
46
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:05,817
Well..
47
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,219
Ow!
48
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,790
You can stay here, Trevor.
49
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,027
Oh, well, thanks.
Heh, I-I'll be right back.
50
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,729
Come on, Jake. Help me pick
my clothes off the lawn.
51
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,902
Oh, where does
that freeloading sloth
52
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,405
get off crashing our party?
53
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,773
I don't know, ALF.
54
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,275
Why don't you have
a sloth-to-sloth talk with him?
55
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,949
I can't believe it,
this makes two broken homes
56
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:40,052
I've come from in one year.
I'm a jinx.
57
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:43,789
Oh, it's not your fault.
They've had fights before.
58
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:46,558
Why does Mr. Ochmonek
have to stay here?
59
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,494
Yeah.
Are there no work farms?
60
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,063
Are there no prisons?
61
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:55,067
ALF, try to be
a little more sensitive.
62
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,969
I am sensitive.
63
00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:58,370
I'm sensitive to the fact
64
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:01,640
I'm looking at another stay
in garage med.
65
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,110
Hide, ALF.
He's coming back.
66
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,144
Oh!
67
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,248
I really appreciate this, Kate.
68
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,749
Oh, don't mention it.
69
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,684
And don't worry, I'm sure
this will all blow over
70
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,953
in about a week or two.
71
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,823
Trevor, when you asked
if we could put you up
72
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:21,760
for the night, we assumed
you meant for the night.
73
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,996
That's another thing
Raquel hates about me.
74
00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:25,864
I'm vague.
75
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,233
You can use Brian's room.
He can double up with Lynn.
76
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:31,270
- No way!
- I'll take that deal.
77
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,771
No way!
78
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,641
Hey, maybe you and Willie
could sleep in Brian's room.
79
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:36,875
No way.
80
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:38,810
What a bummer!
81
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,045
Just don't snore.
82
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,714
It's like sleeping
with a buzz saw.
83
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,416
I'll trade ya.
84
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:45,817
I'll sleep with the buzz saw
85
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,853
you sleep with the lawn mower.
86
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,728
[rock music on radio]
87
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,766
¶ Take a step back ¶
88
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:06,071
¶ ...move you nice and slow ¶
89
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:08,807
¶ Don't run and hide ¶
90
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,075
¶ Let it out ¶
91
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,544
¶ Shout it's the way to go.. ¶¶
92
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,579
Good morning, Trevor!
93
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,148
Oh, hi, Kate.
94
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,316
Willie.
95
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,351
I hope my suburb blaster
didn't wake you up.
96
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,521
No, no.
97
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,790
This was me and Raquel's
favorite song.
98
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,659
Boy, that Sinatra could sing.
99
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,662
That sounds like Pink Floyd.
100
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,930
I know that, Willie.
101
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,865
I was making
two separate comments.
102
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,236
Did you get enough to eat?
103
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:41,573
Actually no.
All I could find was cereal.
104
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,974
When you guys
have a midnight snack
105
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,810
you pull out all the stops.
106
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:47,145
Oh, you didn't do this?
107
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,014
I did.
108
00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:52,684
I had a craving last night.
109
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,320
For green pepper?
110
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:57,789
They make me drowsy.
111
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,257
Well, I'd offer you
a bowl of cereal
112
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,293
except I used
the last of the milk.
113
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,096
[sighs]
I'll just..
114
00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:07,232
...go down to the store
and get some.
115
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:10,769
Why do that? I'll just borrow
some from Mrs. Byrd.
116
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:13,038
Oh, there's no need
to bother her, Trevor.
117
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,474
Ah, it's okay.
She owes me.
118
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,310
I lent her your hedge clippers,
and she never gave them back.
119
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,146
How inconsiderate.
120
00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:29,521
I say we lock the door,
throw away the key and move.
121
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:35,727
I assume that we have you
to thank for this...mess.
122
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,664
Hey, it was time for my
bimonthly feeding frenzy
123
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,567
except he interrupted me.
124
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,770
So this one doesn't count, okay?
125
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,773
It counts. Okay?
126
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:50,308
- Good morning.
- 'Morning, Brian. Lynn.'
127
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,011
Feeding frenzy?
128
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,180
Yeah, but this one
doesn't count.
129
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:56,314
It counts!
130
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,318
Brian, how come
you're not dressed?
131
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,255
I was too tired.
I didn't get any sleep.
132
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,090
[sighs]
Yeah, we kept on hearing
Mr. Ochmonek
133
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,892
moaning and groaning.
134
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:10,061
[imitating Trevor]
Oh, how could Raquel
do this to me?
135
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,463
Ooh.
136
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,965
Actually that was me.
137
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,768
You kept singing
"Swing Low Sweet Chariot."
138
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,471
This is embarrassing.
139
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,074
Look, let's all
just be patient.
140
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,976
It's only been one night.
141
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:29,314
Yeah, one night and we're
already at each other's throats.
142
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,550
We're not
at each other's throats.
143
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:32,951
Lean over.
144
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,921
Get back to the garage!
145
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,424
Well, who do I see
to file a grievance?
146
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:42,093
I believe the alien task force's
grievance committee.
147
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,162
I withdraw the question.
148
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,434
[instrumental music]
149
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,408
[whispers]
ALF, what are you doing?
Trevor will see you.
150
00:07:56,410 --> 00:08:00,245
Chill out.
He's not here, Kate-le rustler.
151
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,781
He got a call saying
there was a package for him
152
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,549
at the post office.
153
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,054
Could have been a crank call.
154
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:12,290
You called him, didn't you?
155
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,727
I had to get him out of here.
Even for an hour!
156
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:19,931
Raquel's saying stuff like
she's never gonna take him back.
157
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,868
How do you know
what Raquel is saying?
158
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,002
You crawl under people's..
159
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,937
(both)
Houses, you hear things.
160
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,507
[doorbell rings]
161
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,709
- ALF.
- What?
162
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,611
You know what.
163
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,479
Yeah, Willie, I know what
164
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:38,483
but if I have to do it, the
least you could do is say it.
165
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,287
Go...to the kitchen.
166
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,656
Thank you.
167
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,625
Boy, have I got him trained.
168
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,128
[knock on door]
'Kate? Willie?'
169
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,499
Oh, Raquel,
this is a pleasant surprise.
170
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:55,600
I hope this means that--
171
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,135
Yeah, don't get your hopes up,
Willie.
172
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,603
This is more of Trevor's things.
173
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,272
- Jake?
- 'Yo.'
174
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,109
Just drop it anywhere.
175
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,312
[sighs]
176
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,382
Oh, that moose head
seems awfully final.
177
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,684
It is final.
178
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,386
I saw Trevor sneaking out
179
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,288
of the widow Byrd's house
this morning.
180
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:19,925
He couldn't even wait one day
before he started slumming it.
181
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,526
T-that..
No.
182
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:25,630
He was, he was at
the widow Byrd's to borrow milk.
183
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,732
Raquel, hi. What's going on?
184
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,334
Moose head.
185
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,337
Oh, no.
186
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:35,240
Raquel saw Trevor
at Mrs. Byrd's.
187
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,242
It isn't enough
that he's having a sordid affair
188
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,277
but he has to have it out
in the open where anybody
189
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,547
with a decent pair
of binoculars can see.
190
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:45,717
Raquel, he just went over there
to borrow some milk.
191
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,420
Well, since you've obviously
taken his side
192
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,521
you can keep him.
193
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:51,690
Come on, Jake,
you're the man of the house now.
194
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,659
Hey, does this mean I get
to watch sports in my underwear?
195
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:04,436
Hey, why didn't you guys tell me
we were having moose tonight?
196
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,538
I wouldn't have
ruined my appetite.
197
00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:10,709
Oh, Lord!
198
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:15,246
Please tell us why you continue
to place such ordinary people
199
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,683
in such
extraordinary situations?
200
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,318
[ALF burps]
201
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,622
Never mind.
202
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,361
[instrumental music]
203
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,298
Hello, Mr. Littwhack?
204
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,468
Uh, did you know that
the Ochmoneks are splitsville?
205
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,371
Well, I care.
206
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:42,140
Quick question.
207
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,609
Can you put
Trevor up for a week?
208
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,446
How about a night?
209
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,483
Well, when is it scheduled
to freeze over?
210
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,653
0 for 18.
211
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:02,894
(woman on phone)
'Hello?'
212
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,830
Is this Myrna Byrd?
213
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,532
[knock on door]
214
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,871
Thank you very much
for humiliating me
215
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,173
in front of
the entire neighborhood.
216
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,175
What do you mean, Raquel?
217
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,944
Calling everybody
about Trevor and me.
218
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,813
Just because I occasionally make
219
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,348
other people's business
my business
220
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,350
doesn't mean my business
is any of their business.
221
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,520
So would you mind
minding your own business?
222
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,255
Well, I certainly
didn't tell anyone.
223
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,123
I know Kate
wouldn't tell anyone.
224
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,658
You didn't tell anyone,
did you, Kate?
225
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:34,993
Of course not.
226
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,561
Kate didn't tell anyone.
227
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,997
Well, somebody told
the Metcalfs, the Polmanskis
228
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:42,200
the Montenegros, the Gans,
the Lustacuffs, the Metgers
229
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,736
the Fetgers, the Schmitzkys,
the Kipkys, the Feins
230
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,038
the Steins, the Limbecks,
the Willards
231
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,606
the Logans,
the Hogans and the Kogans.
232
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:52,043
So the next time that you want
to drag somebody's dirty laundry
233
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,379
through the suburban mud,
try your own.
234
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,980
Huh.
235
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,882
Or better yet, Mrs. Holbuts.
236
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,151
She just had a nose job,
you know.
237
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,658
Slo-o-owly I turn.
238
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:13,465
I'm going to the garage now.
239
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:16,267
I'm gonna have a word
with the town crier.
240
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,708
¶ All my bags are packed ¶
241
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,410
¶ I'm ready to go ¶
242
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,147
¶ I'm staying
in the garage no more ¶
243
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,749
¶ Da ta da ta.. ¶¶
244
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,124
What?
245
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:42,927
Do these names ring a bell?
246
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:46,431
The Metcalfs, the Polmanskis,
the Montenegros, the Gans
247
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,234
the Luskatuffs, the Metzgers,
the Fetzgers, the Schmitkys
248
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,503
the Kipkys, the Feins,
the Steins, the Limbecks
249
00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:54,606
the Willards, the Hogans,
the Logans and the Kogans?
250
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,276
What was the question?
251
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:04,382
Before I pull every hair
out of your neck
252
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,253
I wanna ask you something.
253
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,155
Did you call those people
254
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:13,024
and tell them about
Trevor and Raquel?
255
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,492
I decline to answer
on the grounds
256
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,661
that I need my neck hair.
257
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:20,732
Just mind your own business,
ALF!
258
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,301
In other words, you
disapprove of what I've done?
259
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,838
Wholeheartedly.
260
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,341
I know that this is
an inconvenience for all of us
261
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,611
but what you're doing
is just making things worse.
262
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,348
You're right, Willie.
263
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,718
How could I have been so blind?
264
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,055
You know, I've only
been thinking of myself.
265
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,356
You're not just saying this
266
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,759
because of that
neck hair business?
267
00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:49,828
No. No, I mean it.
268
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:55,233
I've seen the error of my ways
and will endeavor to do better.
269
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:58,436
Well, thank you.
270
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,072
No. Thank you, Willie.
271
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,440
Thank you.
272
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,800
Hello. Uh, I'd like
to order some flowers
273
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:31,269
for Raquel Ochmonek.
274
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:36,441
I don't know, whatever
Merlin Olsen would send.
275
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:44,249
¶ Swing low sweet chariot ¶
276
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,884
¶ Swing low ¶
277
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:46,918
Oh, ALF.
278
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:47,952
¶ Sweet sweet ¶
279
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:48,987
¶ Chariot chario.. ¶¶
280
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,355
Uh, ALF. ALF?
281
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:56,327
Did you know that Shakespeare
said once...that
282
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,030
"There's nothing
either good or bad
283
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:02,634
but thinking makes it so."
284
00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:06,237
Shakespeare never slept
on a cold cement slab.
285
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,007
- I know.
- Well, he is now, but I--
286
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,475
Drop it!
287
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:18,816
Willie, did you know that
there are 9875 little dots
288
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,185
on this ceiling?
289
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:24,522
- You counted them?
- No, I guessed.
290
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,524
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanner, you in there?'
291
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,360
Oh, yeah. Just a second.
292
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,032
I've had it, I've had it.
I refuse to budge one inch.
293
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,434
[knock on door]
294
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,306
(ALF)
'Oh! Aah!'
295
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,474
'I suppose
you think you're clever.'
296
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,647
What's the idea sending
these flowers to my wife?
297
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:53,217
- Oh, what's the matter, Trevor?
- Don't play innocent with me.
298
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,286
You thought by not
sending a card
299
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,854
I wouldn't know
who they were from.
300
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,823
Oh, wait a minute,
if there was no card
301
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,458
what makes you think
they were from me?
302
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,026
I called the florist.
303
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,829
He said they were charged
to your credit card!
304
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:09,033
Anybody who would spend 79.95
on another man's wife
305
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:12,704
plus tax and delivery
is lookin' for trouble.
306
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:19,944
There must be..
79.95.
307
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,380
Plus tax and delivery.
308
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,616
There must be some mistake.
309
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:29,520
Hey, Tanner, the only mistake
I made was trusting you.
310
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:32,457
If I ever catch you
near my wife again
311
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:34,559
I'm movin' out of your house.
312
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,804
Is there a chance that
you heard any of that?
313
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,074
[laughs]
Well, I've heard enough.
314
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:52,977
Does Kate know
you have a thing for Raquel?
315
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:59,584
You sent those flowers,
didn't you?
316
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,652
Hey, I took a shot.
317
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,054
It obviously didn't work
318
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,256
but I've got
another plan that's foolproof.
319
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,492
Stay out of this!
320
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,329
Entire!
321
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,564
I'm just going now.
322
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,234
Uh, I-I'm going to try
and straighten things out
323
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,602
with Trevor
and when I come back
324
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,904
we'll be talking neck hair.
325
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,675
- Hi, ALF.
- Hi.
326
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:28,146
We gotta find a way to get
my aunt and uncle back together.
327
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,548
Too late, Jake.
I can't help ya.
328
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,484
I promised Willie
I'd stay out of it.
329
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,254
Fine, fine,
j-just stand on the sidelines
330
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,256
and watch me be packed off
331
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:41,492
to live with another
bunch of itinerant Ochmoneks
332
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,062
never to be heard from again.
333
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,064
Believe it or not,
Aunt Raquel and Uncle Trevor
334
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,933
are the best of the lot.
335
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:52,003
Are you trying to con me
into helping you?
336
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,072
Is it workin'?
337
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,306
Sort of.
338
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,843
What will it take
to put you over the top?
339
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:01,245
- Donuts.
- What's your idea?
340
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:04,982
You come up with donuts,
I'll come up with the idea.
341
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,050
That's the deal.
342
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,153
[instrumental music]
343
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,458
Okay, now, what's the idea?
344
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,259
Give me another donut
and I'll tell ya.
345
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,894
Tell me first.
346
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,197
What are we doin'
in my aunt and uncle's bedroom?
347
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:24,469
We're looking for a key
to their romantic past, if any.
348
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,604
Are you sure Raquel
won't be back soon?
349
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,439
She went to the beauty parlor.
350
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,807
'Nuff said.
351
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,712
Hey, nice digs.
352
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:38,716
I never realized your aunt
and uncle had so much class.
353
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,323
Hey, there might be
somethin' romantic in here.
354
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,593
It's Aunt Raquel's jewelry box.
355
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,496
Aah! Turquoise alert!
Turquoise alert!
356
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,097
- Put that away.
- Okay, okay.
357
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,765
Just tell me what
we're looking for.
358
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,201
I'll tell you
when I've found it.
359
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:00,037
I think I found it.
360
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,739
A wad of paper?
361
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,674
Yeah, yeah. This is it.
362
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:04,876
[door closes]
363
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:06,844
(Raquel)
'Jake, are you home?'
364
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:09,514
It's Aunt Raquel. Look, you stay
here, I'll get rid of her.
365
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:10,848
Fine. Leave the donuts.
366
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,417
Uh, maybe you better hide,
just in case.
367
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:14,719
Gotcha.
368
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,054
(ALF)
'Oh, a piece of cheese.'
369
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:18,589
[mousetrap snaps]
370
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,191
Never mind.
371
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,263
Aunt Raquel,
what happened to you?
372
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,799
- I went to the beauty parlor.
- I hope you didn't leave a tip.
373
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:33,271
Mrs. Byrd and I had
a slight altercation.
374
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,907
That hussy was getting
gussied up for my husband.
375
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:38,276
[scoffs]
So got in a fight with her?
376
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:39,644
Ladies do not fight.
377
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,112
I simply suggested that
378
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:43,080
she keep her meat hooks
off of my man.
379
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,715
And if the manicurist
hadn't pulled me off her
380
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,851
I might have gotten
in a few more suggestions.
381
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,219
Uh, Aunt Raquel,
where're you goin'?
382
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,487
Upstairs to rest.
383
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:50,688
(Jake)
'Hey, not on the bed though.'
384
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,456
(Raquel)
'Of course, on the bed.'
385
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,659
What,
what is the matter with you?
386
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:58,095
Uh, nothin'. N-nothin'.
I-I guess I'm just distraught.
387
00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:00,798
Y-you know,
about you and Uncle Trevor.
388
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,567
Huh!
389
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,336
I know it's painful,
but we have to face the facts.
390
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,871
Trevor just does
not understand me.
391
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,272
(Trevor)
'Raquel!'
392
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,407
Go away!
393
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,575
(Trevor)
'I'm comin' up.'
394
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,510
You see what I mean?
395
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:14,011
- Everybody down.
- What?
396
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,180
The terrorist.
Where's the terrorist?
397
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:18,549
- What are you talking about?
- Huh?
398
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,251
A concerned neighbor called
399
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:22,920
and said you were being
held hostage by a terrorist.
400
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,192
Do you see a terrorist in here?
401
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:32,563
Fine. Fine.
Sue me for worryin' about ya.
402
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,831
So have a nice life.
403
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,132
(ALF)
'Yo.'
404
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:37,568
Yo what?
405
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:42,106
U-uh, y-y-yo, yo this, I guess.
406
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,374
What is it?
407
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:46,277
It's a crumpled piece of paper
with writing on it.
408
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,346
That's the poem that your
Uncle Trevor wrote to me
409
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,082
last year when we renewed
our wedding vows.
410
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:54,218
Oh, uh, uh, read it,
Aunt Raquel.
411
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,890
"To Raquel, the most
wonderful woman in the world.
412
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:04,562
"You're the meaning of my life.
You're the inspiration.
413
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:08,499
"You bring meaning to my life.
You're the inspiration.
414
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,301
"I wanna have you near me.
415
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,303
"I wanna have you hear me saying
416
00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:14,805
'No one needs you
more than I need you.'"
417
00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,643
You threw that away?
418
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,313
Don't you know how long
it took me to write that?
419
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:26,083
You didn't write that.
It's from a song by Chicago.
420
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:29,954
I mean, it took me
a long time to write it down.
421
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:32,189
Do you think I'm stupid, Trevor?
422
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:34,759
I knew you didn't
write this poem.
423
00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:37,862
Then why didn't you call me
on it?
424
00:21:37,864 --> 00:21:39,297
Because it didn't matter.
425
00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:42,266
What mattered was
is that you gave it to me.
426
00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:43,301
Raquel..
427
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:47,338
...I meant every word I stole.
428
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:52,743
Well,
I guess times have changed.
429
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,179
"Does Anybody Really Know
What Time It Is?"
430
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,349
I'm sorry.
431
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:03,654
I'm just tryin' to tell you
that I still love you, Raquel.
432
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,259
More than arena football?
433
00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:12,897
Yeah.
434
00:22:12,899 --> 00:22:17,368
Oh, I should know better
than to try to change you.
435
00:22:19,372 --> 00:22:22,106
Take me back, Raquel, hm?
436
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:24,975
I-I promise
I'll try not to be a slob.
437
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:30,047
Although in all fairness you did
know I was raised in a barn.
438
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:31,849
[laughs]
439
00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:36,220
Whoa!
440
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:37,321
What was that?
441
00:22:37,323 --> 00:22:38,823
Ah!
442
00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:40,491
Leg cramp.
443
00:22:40,493 --> 00:22:44,795
Uh, w-why don't we all
go get Uncle Trevor's stuff?
444
00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:46,130
Good idea!
445
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:48,766
Raquel.
446
00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:50,401
I'll carry the moose head.
447
00:22:52,305 --> 00:22:54,105
Well, I missed you, Raquel.
448
00:22:54,107 --> 00:22:56,741
"You're A Hard Habit To Break."
449
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:01,011
[instrumental music]
450
00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:05,983
Okay, you can come out now, ALF.
451
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:09,787
Oh, oh, thanks.
452
00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:11,188
You're a lifesaver.
453
00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,957
You're more than a lifesaver.
454
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:14,992
You're a milk dud.
455
00:23:16,162 --> 00:23:18,262
How'd you know about
that poem anyway?
456
00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:21,165
Well, Raquel was reading it
to herself last night.
457
00:23:23,202 --> 00:23:25,002
You crawl under
people's houses..
458
00:23:25,004 --> 00:23:26,604
(both)
You hear things.
459
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:27,938
Ah, ah.
460
00:23:29,776 --> 00:23:31,475
[instrumental music]
461
00:23:32,779 --> 00:23:34,979
[theme music]
462
00:24:00,506 --> 00:24:03,140
[ALF laughing]
36355
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