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1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:02,501
(ALF)
Four, five..
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:07,373
If line 65 is larger
than line 34, deduct from line--
3
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:08,841
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
4
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:12,378
I'm doing Willie's taxes
and eating his dinner.
5
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,881
Oh...leave that alone.
6
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,684
Uff, what do you know
about taxes?
7
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:23,389
I'm an expert on travel,
entertainment and depreciation.
8
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,391
You mean destruction.
9
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,627
No, destruction goes
under entertainment.
10
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,398
Hi, everybody.
11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,565
- Hi, dad.
- Hi.
12
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,901
Willie, how did your meeting go?
13
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:39,571
And more importantly, what are
your projected capital gains
14
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:42,808
for the fourth quarter,
if any?
15
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:46,345
Strangely enough, ALF,
I will be enjoying
16
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,813
a modest increase in income
17
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:51,050
because I've just been promoted
to district supervisor.
18
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:52,351
- Oh!
- 'That's great.'
19
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,753
Congratulations.
You got it.
20
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,423
So you're gonna be supervisor
for all of Los Angeles?
21
00:00:57,425 --> 00:01:03,362
Well, not exactly
all of Los Angeles.
22
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,665
- Fullerton?
- No.
23
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,601
- Anaheim?
- No.
24
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,603
Well, are you gonna
tell us where it is
25
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:14,406
or should we get a map
and throw darts?
26
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:20,679
Actually, I'm supervisor
for all of San Diego.
27
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,417
So you mean
we're gonna have to move?
28
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,352
Well, it kinda looks like it.
29
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:31,523
We can't move.
I've put down roots here.
30
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,759
You know, this year is
my last year of high school.
31
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,263
You don't wanna move either,
do you, ALF?
32
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:39,798
I'm ambivalent.
33
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,035
On one hand I could use
the change of scenery.
34
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:47,606
On the other hand
I'm terrified of Shamu.
35
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,942
Hey, Lynn, we're not gonna move
36
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:52,478
until after the end of the
school year.
37
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,713
In the meantime, I'll commute.
38
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,916
You are gonna taking me
when you move, right?
39
00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:01,553
Well, we might if you stop
eating Willie's dinner.
40
00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:06,458
Oh, immediate gratification
41
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,727
versus long term security.
42
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,664
I'm thinking,
I'm thinking.
43
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,834
[theme music]
44
00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:40,692
[music continues]
45
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,696
[instrumental music]
46
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,168
[yawns]
47
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,570
Morning, Bri.
48
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,572
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,409
I know it's early
but I'm sure
50
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,978
your dad will appreciate
you seeing him off.
51
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,380
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
52
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,583
You know when you were a baby
you used to wake us up
53
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,184
at 6:00 a.m.
54
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,753
Boy, you really carry a grudge.
55
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,058
- Good morning.
- Hi, honey.
56
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,360
I thought you were gonna do
the 30 minute workout.
57
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,495
I was,
but I turned off the TV
58
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:52,931
when I heard
that perky little voice yell
59
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,667
"Come on, gang,
let's jazzercise."
60
00:03:56,904 --> 00:04:00,272
¶ San Diego here I come ¶
61
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:04,109
¶ Melmac's where
I started from ¶¶
62
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,411
I told you, ALF,
we're not moving yet.
63
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,779
But..
64
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:12,918
¶ All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go ¶¶
65
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,421
- Would you like some breakfast?
- What do you think?
66
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,223
I'll be having
the bacon and eggs
67
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:21,460
and sausage and ham,
and liver and onions
68
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,528
and chicken pot pie.
69
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,232
- We're having oatmeal.
- Even better.
70
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:30,135
My cholesterol must be
in the millions.
71
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,970
- Good morning, dad.
- Hi, honey.
72
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:35,741
Hey, you guys didn't have to all
get up for me this morning.
73
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,776
That's not what mom said.
74
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,378
[Willie chuckles]
75
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:43,949
Hey, boss man, ready for
your first day as head honcho?
76
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:47,486
The big cheese.
Mr. Dithers.
77
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,921
Big cheese will be fine.
78
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:54,559
Speaking of cheese, Kate,
throw a slab on my oatmeal.
79
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:55,961
Honey, would you like
some breakfast?
80
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,297
Uh, no, I'll-I'll just
have this cinnamon roll.
81
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,032
Sorry, we're out.
82
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,641
- We got a present for you, dad.
- For me?
83
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,845
Oh! How thoughtful,
you guys.
84
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:18,183
Oh, look at this.
Classic books on tape.
85
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:21,620
"'Crime and Punishment,'
'Madame Bovary'
86
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,855
'Twisted Sister.'"
87
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:27,025
Well, if you don't like
that one, I'll take it.
88
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,593
[knock on door]
89
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:31,697
- 'Hey, Tanners.'
- ALF, it's Trevor.
90
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:33,999
When does this man sleep?
91
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,939
Trevor!
92
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,643
- Hi.
- Hi, Kate.
93
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,545
What are you doing up so early?
94
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,880
I never miss 30 minute workout.
95
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,717
- You work out?
- I watch.
96
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:54,619
I like that one instructor
on the left, Muffy
97
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,855
the low-impact one.
98
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,791
Hey, who's the extra
oatmeal for?
99
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,362
- Uh..
- You.
100
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,798
Yeah, Trevor, we were hoping
you'd come over.
101
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,900
Great. I should drop
by more often.
102
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:13,372
Why...did...you drop by?
103
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,241
Oh, yeah, I wanted to wish you
104
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,743
good luck on the new job.
105
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,544
And to see why
you haven't left yet.
106
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,713
That drive down to San Diego
is a killer.
107
00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:25,684
Why is there cheese in this?
108
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:27,652
We like it that way.
109
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,955
Then let's trade.
110
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:34,926
You're right about that drive.
111
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,028
I-I better get going.
112
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,765
- Bye, dad.
- Don't forget your tapes.
113
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,266
Okay, now, drive carefully,
sweetheart.
114
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,702
- We'll see you tonight.
- Yeah. Goodbye.
115
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,170
Goodbye, everyone.
116
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:49,908
And, uh, say goodbye to...anyone
else who might miss me.
117
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,278
- We will.
- uh, good luck, Tanner.
118
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,946
Um.. Oh.
119
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:12,030
[instrumental music]
120
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,403
[sighs]
121
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:22,574
I don't believe
you are eating crackers in bed.
122
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:26,244
I know.
It's such a cliche.
123
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,848
Could you be a dear and hoover
the crumbs out of my fur?
124
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:35,387
I want every single crumb
out of this bed.
125
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:37,222
Including you.
126
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,490
Kate, Kate.
127
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,492
I know you're upset about Willie
128
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,327
but he'll be home soon
129
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:45,397
and I won't leave this bed
till he is.
130
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,000
- Hi.
- Rats.
131
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:53,238
Just what I wanted
to see in my bed.
132
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,408
Thanks. Cracker?
133
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,347
Honey, it's 11 o'clock at night.
What happened?
134
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,849
I'm sorry, Kate.
135
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:07,185
I-I-I got in a big tie-up
on the..
136
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,587
...on the...
137
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,957
- Freeway.
- Freeway.
138
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,426
I suppose you've discussed
the, uh, crackers in bed.
139
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,928
Yes, well, we were
just beginning a dialogue
140
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,030
on that when you came in.
141
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,367
Yes, your arrival
was most fortuitous.
142
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,270
Not that it matters.
143
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:29,541
I'm so tired now
I could sleep on broken glass.
144
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,777
Well, then you might wanna sleep
in front of the China cabinet.
145
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:39,518
I thought it would be
a good time to mention it.
146
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:43,121
We'll begin a dialogue
on that...later.
147
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,057
Oh, honey, you look exhausted.
148
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,293
Maybe you should get a place
down there during the week.
149
00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:51,730
I can't do that, Kate.
It would cost too much.
150
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,065
Well, get a couple of roommates.
151
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,501
A blond and a brunette.
152
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:59,738
But remember,
when Mr. Roper comes over
153
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,573
pretend you're gay.
154
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,312
We're just gonna have
to move to San Diego
155
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,314
sooner than we planned,
that's all.
156
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,751
Alright, I'll go pack..
157
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,553
...again.
158
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:22,894
[sighs]
So I guess we should sell
the house right away.
159
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,663
Maybe with the extra money
I'm making
160
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,331
we can afford a bigger one.
161
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,234
Excuse me
162
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:32,003
but did anyone find
my cheese spread?
163
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,177
Ooh.
164
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,512
Keep it.
165
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,282
[instrumental music]
166
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:49,621
Goodbye. And, uh,
thanks for your offer.
167
00:09:51,525 --> 00:09:55,760
I'm not letting anyone turn this
place into a bed and breakfast.
168
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,063
Did someone mention breakfast?
169
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,565
I'll be having the bacon
and eggs and sausage and--
170
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:03,768
ALF, it's 4 o'clock
in the afternoon.
171
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:07,706
Ham and liver
and chicken pot pie.
172
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,408
You know I hate the thought of
someone else living here.
173
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:15,213
I hate the thought that
it's 14 hours till breakfast.
174
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:18,249
[sighs]
Will you stop thinking about
your stomach?
175
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,952
We're going through
a traumatic experience here.
176
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,955
Hey, hey, hey. I can relate.
177
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,925
This place means a lot
to me too.
178
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,160
The garage I crashed into.
179
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,129
The bathroom I flooded.
180
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,565
The kitchen I blew up.
181
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,066
[sobbing]
182
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,471
Let's sell this dump.
183
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,907
[instrumental music]
184
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,344
[instrumental music]
185
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,157
I'm sorry,
Mrs. Spencer, I-I don't know
186
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,459
what happened to your check.
187
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,528
Yes, I know
you have five children.
188
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,930
[chuckles]
I can hear them from here.
189
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,334
Yeah. I know the check is late.
190
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,271
Yes, I know
how to read a calendar.
191
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,507
It's the tenth.
It's the eleventh.
192
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:20,712
I-I'll-I'll see that you get
that check, Mrs. Spencer.
193
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,284
[sighs]
194
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,125
[clears throat]
195
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,294
Good morning, sir.
196
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:39,497
Uh, do you recall,
uh, Mrs. Gladys Spencer?
197
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,865
Spencer?
198
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,801
Spencer? Umm..
199
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:47,572
You were supposed to have
sent her a check for $482.
200
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,842
Uh, I think I sent it,
I-I remember sending something..
201
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,544
...to-to somebody.
202
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,081
Well, she said she didn't get
that check.
203
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,083
Well, she probably blew it
on lottery tickets
204
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,318
forgot about it.
205
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,321
But just in case she didn't
206
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,056
would you mind checking to see
207
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,725
if you have any record
of that check?
208
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,727
Sir, I'll get right on it.
209
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:15,600
When?
210
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:18,002
When what?
211
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:22,107
When are you going to
get right on it?
212
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:27,946
Well, uh, I was thinking
...after lunch.
213
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,380
How about now?
214
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:32,617
- I'm not hungry yet.
- Get up!
215
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:35,620
Gee, whatever happened
to please?
216
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,693
Mr. Tanner, did you sign
those requisitions forms?
217
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,461
- Oh!
- They have to go out by 1:00.
218
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,964
I'll get right on..
I'll do that now.
219
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,867
And payroll is still waiting
for last week's time sheets.
220
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,402
Uh, I'll-I'll do that now.
221
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,239
And, sir, I still don't
have a parking space.
222
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,975
Oh, sorry, Denise,
I'll do that now.
223
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,477
Okay, and your son
is on line two.
224
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:02,647
Sure, no problem, Denise.
I've got 12 hands.
225
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,585
- Hi, Brian
- 'Hi, daddy!'
226
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:10,321
- ALF, I'm very busy.
- What are you doing?
227
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,590
I'm assigning parking spaces.
228
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,093
I thought
you were a social worker.
229
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:20,165
I am but at the moment...
I'm assigning parking spaces.
230
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,566
What do you want?
231
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,269
Two more couple
saw the house today.
232
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:27,472
Really. Did any of the couples
make an offer?
233
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,674
Nothing worth considering.
234
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:35,446
I'm very busy, ALF.
I can't talk now.
235
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:39,217
Put me on hold.
I'll listen to the muzak.
236
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,487
Goodbye, ALF.
237
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,766
Later, babe.
238
00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:01,806
I found the, uh, Spencer check.
It was in the Wilcox file.
239
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:06,211
Wilcox, Wilcox.
Yeah, that name sounds familiar.
240
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:11,115
Do you have any explanation
for this?
241
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,385
- Oops.
- Oops?
242
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,121
- That's it?
- Oops, sir.
243
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:22,193
I'd like you to take
this check...to Mrs. Spencer.
244
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,163
Sure.
245
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,732
Oh, sir?
246
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,133
Can I take your car?
247
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,636
I don't wanna take my new car
into that part of town.
248
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,574
No, take your car.
249
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:39,711
Take it home
and don't come back!
250
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:44,482
Denise, I found you
a parking space.
251
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,887
Excuse me.
252
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,555
[instrumental music]
253
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,360
(man on TV)
'...useful
aluminum utensils of..'
254
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,095
'...right from the heart
of the Orient.'
255
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,664
'This complete set
of Ginsu Knives.'
256
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,900
'Plus, if you act now,
you'll receive this'
257
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:05,403
'handy potato peeler,
this automatic knife sharpener'
258
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,772
'and this genuine
bronzite weather vane.'
259
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:08,940
'Call now.'
260
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,109
Oh, I will, I will!
261
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,911
Listen, what are you doing?
262
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:16,114
I'm buying you a genuine
bronzite weather vane.
263
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,916
No, you're not.
264
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:21,619
Kindly remember this when you
don't get a birthday present.
265
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,622
[sighs]
Please, ALF, not tonight.
266
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,624
I'm too tired.
267
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,760
Rough day at the office, dear?
268
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,328
You said..
269
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:36,534
You know, I spent
six hours on that..
270
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,804
- Freeway.
- Freeway.
271
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:45,476
Nobody in my office likes
where they have to park.
272
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:49,380
And on top of that,
I had to fire a guy today.
273
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:53,551
Whoa! Swing that ax!
274
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,487
I never fired anybody
in my entire life
275
00:15:56,489 --> 00:16:00,825
and I swear
I never wanna do it again!
276
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,962
Well, that's what
George Steinbrenner always says.
277
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:09,834
Sounds to me like you're not
too crazy about this new job.
278
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,837
I'm-I'm having a little trouble
getting the hang of it
279
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,472
that's all.
280
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:19,110
Well, like my old
skleenball coach used to say
281
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:22,113
"Find out
what you don't do well.
282
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,748
Then don't do it."
283
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,819
It's not that simple, ALF.
284
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:31,089
There are other people
and things
285
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,324
that depend on me.
286
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,394
And-and I've got to consider
what's best for them.
287
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:43,034
Well...this move
is a big mistake.
288
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,936
I've got to do somethin'.
289
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:50,508
Nah, that's too stupid.
290
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,779
I'll do it anyway.
291
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,716
[instrumental music]
292
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,355
So how long have you lived here?
293
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,957
All of our lives.
294
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,859
We don't wanna move.
295
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:11,195
Well, if we buy this house,
you can come and visit it.
296
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,797
Call first.
297
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,001
Uh, what can you tell us
about the neighborhood?
298
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,903
Well, umm..
299
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,639
[chuckles]
...the Ochmoneks take
a little getting used to.
300
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,742
Ochmoneks? You can spray
for those, can't you?
301
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:29,247
Oh, no, no,
those are our neighbors.
302
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,215
You probably wouldn't like them.
303
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,785
- Lynn!
- Although they're super people.
304
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:39,590
Perhaps you'd like to take a
look at our ample closet space.
305
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,961
I-I can fix that.
306
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,564
[thuds]
307
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,601
I'm not sure I can fix that.
308
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,171
[chuckles]
Well, that's okay.
Howard will fix it.
309
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,373
He's handy with tools.
310
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,242
Yeah, lucky for me.
311
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,678
Oh, honey,
look at the fireplace.
312
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:06,751
- What was that?
- Oh, just...bricks.
313
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:10,788
Uh, why don't we show you
the, uh, kitchen?
314
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:14,492
Yes, yes, that's-that's where
the dishes are.
315
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,629
- ALF?
- It's got to be.
316
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:22,800
Oh, what an interesting
little kitchen.
317
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,803
This will be great
once we change everything.
318
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:29,140
Fortunately,
Howard is handy with tools.
319
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,642
Yes, you mentioned that.
320
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,686
That usually doesn't happen.
321
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,989
Imagine our relief.
322
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:49,827
You know, these are just little
things that are easily fixed.
323
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,497
That doesn't mean it's not
like it's anything major.
324
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,732
[rattling]
325
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,803
Like the plumbing?
326
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:06,644
Let me show you
the rest of the house. Come.
327
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:11,516
Are-are you folks hiding
any other little defects?
328
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:15,086
Just one and I'm going
to take care of it.
329
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,025
The bedrooms are back here.
330
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,593
[electricity crackling]
331
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:26,697
Oh, that's, uh,
that's probably just a fuse.
332
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,032
Who built this place?
333
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,434
The Poltergeist
Construction Company?
334
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,704
Yeah, was anyone
ever murdered here?
335
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:35,940
Not so far.
336
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,647
The master bedroom.
337
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,583
Well, at first glance,
it seems harmless enough.
338
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,787
Uh, we have wall-to-wall
carpeting and, umm..
339
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,823
Uh, this room is back from
the street, so it's very quiet.
340
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,560
And, umm, this, of course,
is where we sleep.
341
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,695
[cracking]
342
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,535
Although probably not tonight.
343
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:09,574
- I think we've seen enough.
- Let's go, Howard.
344
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,543
Uh, uh, let me show you
to the door.
345
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,716
Oh, ALF.
346
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,590
Could you get those two
back in here?
347
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,725
They didn't even check
the bathroom.
348
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,561
I loosened every third tile.
349
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:41,772
This is not the worst thing
you've ever done.
350
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:45,209
This is the 15th worst thing
you've ever done.
351
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:47,178
What was number nine?
352
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:54,685
The time you stuffed my shorts
in Thanksgiving turkey.
353
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:02,526
What possible reason
could you have had for this?
354
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:06,631
Nobody wants to move,
including you.
355
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:07,965
How do you know that?
356
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,601
Because you're a social worker.
357
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,436
What's that got to do
with anything--
358
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:15,273
Follow me, Willie.
I'm trying to be linear.
359
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,977
Well, one could define
social worker
360
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,146
as a person who performs work
361
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:25,416
for the social good,
couldn't one?
362
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:26,717
Yes.
363
00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:27,985
Well, then how come
all you're doing
364
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:30,488
is playing
musical parking spaces
365
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,690
and firing guys?
366
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,329
You know, I also have
to find a shortstop
367
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:40,231
for the office softball team.
368
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:44,669
Try the Dominican Republic.
369
00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:46,804
Just tell me this.
370
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:50,074
Why are we moving out
of a house we do like
371
00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:52,810
so you can keep a job
you don't like?
372
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:57,181
I don't know.
373
00:21:57,183 --> 00:21:58,749
I win.
374
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:04,188
- ALF, how could you--
- No, no, hold-hold on, Kate.
375
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:08,025
Before we give ALF the 15th
worst scolding he's ever had
376
00:22:08,027 --> 00:22:10,695
I think there's something
you ought to know.
377
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:13,431
Brian, Lynn, Kate..
378
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:16,600
...how would you all feel
if I asked for my old job back
379
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:18,202
and we just stayed
in this house?
380
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:20,304
- Yay!
- Oh, do you mean it, dad?
381
00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:23,374
Of course, umm, I-I'm not gonna
have that raise, you know?
382
00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:25,109
Forget it, we'll move.
383
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:28,713
Sorry.
384
00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:32,116
A momentary attack
of shallowness.
385
00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:34,118
I'm over it.
386
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,887
Well, honey, y-you worked
so hard for this promotion.
387
00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:38,522
What made you change your mind?
388
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:40,991
Actually, it was ALF
who convinced me
389
00:22:40,993 --> 00:22:44,195
we'd all be happier
if we stayed right here.
390
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:46,464
(Kate)
Oh!
391
00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:48,199
Although..
392
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,802
...instead of destroying
the house..
393
00:22:51,804 --> 00:22:54,672
...why didn't we just
talk about it?
394
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:56,807
That was plan B.
395
00:22:57,577 --> 00:22:59,310
[instrumental music]
396
00:23:03,483 --> 00:23:04,915
...closet door.
397
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,984
It's gonna take me
at least a couple of weekends
398
00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:08,719
to make these repairs,
you know.
399
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:10,421
Well, you could have
Howard help you.
400
00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:12,256
He's handy with tools.
401
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:13,991
[doorbell rings]
402
00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:19,897
Hi, I'm here to see the house.
403
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,933
Oh, I'm sorry.
We just took it off the market.
404
00:23:22,935 --> 00:23:25,202
What?
Are you jerking me around?
405
00:23:25,204 --> 00:23:27,438
Look, lady, I came
all the way from Costa Mesa
406
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,739
to see this house
407
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:31,342
and I really think
I should see the house.
408
00:23:31,344 --> 00:23:34,211
Well, you can see it,
but you're not gonna buy it.
409
00:23:34,213 --> 00:23:35,679
And why not?
410
00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:40,684
Whoa! I am out of here!
411
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:47,858
Hey, great! Now we've got
a furnished basement.
412
00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:53,164
Whoa! I am out of here!
413
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:57,701
[instrumental music]
414
00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:05,042
[theme music]
415
00:24:30,169 --> 00:24:32,803
[ALF laughing]
33104
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