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1
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:06,972
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,641
Oh, soaking up rays, babe.
3
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,777
Except your sun lamps
not working.
4
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,947
I've been sitting here
for five hours.
5
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,548
Nada.
6
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,317
Five hours?
7
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,285
ALF, you're lucky
you didn't get a sunburn.
8
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:21,887
[screaming ]
9
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:23,455
Sorry.
10
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,992
Oh! Oh, it hurts.
It hurts.
11
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:30,662
Well, would you, would you
like some cold cream?
12
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:33,132
Yeah. Uh, but just one scoop.
13
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,566
I'm on a diet.
14
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,336
It's for your nose.
15
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,638
That's where I'm trying
to lose the weight.
16
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:44,209
ALF, I'm talking
about cold cream.
17
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:47,713
Huh, not ice cream,
cold cream.
18
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,881
You understand?
19
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,417
You're talking like
they're two different things.
20
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,987
They are!
Haven't you been listening?
21
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:57,723
What is this,
healing through hollering?
22
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,860
Brian..
23
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,328
...what happened?
24
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,764
Yeah, you look terrible.
25
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,933
- I was in a fight.
- Oh.
26
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,601
Looking like that?
27
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,736
Yeesh!
28
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,972
[theme music]
29
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,036
[music continues]
30
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,567
[instrumental music]
31
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,670
Ow!
32
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,572
Nobody does this
to my little pal
33
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,641
and gets away with it.
34
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,843
Unless they're over
three feet tall.
35
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,613
Brian, what happened?
36
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:29,815
I was in a fight
with Bobby Duncan.
37
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,317
Who is Bobby Duncan?
38
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,952
Isn't he that smart-mouth
little punk
39
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,320
who lives down the street?
40
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,455
Yeah.
41
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,357
We have to retaliate.
42
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,092
You beat up his mother
43
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,460
you beat up his sister
44
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,695
and I'll eat up his cat.
45
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,466
We're not rumbling
with the Duncan's.
46
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,134
Brian, what started the fight?
47
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,703
Yeah, was it over some woman?
48
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,438
Kind of. Yeah.
49
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,607
Alright, Brian!
50
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,309
Look, it doesn't matter
what started it
51
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,344
I don't want you fighting.
52
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:02,548
But Bobby said you were
old, ugly, and dumb.
53
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,619
Well...even so..
54
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:10,489
...next time just ignore him.
55
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,924
The little brat.
56
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,459
Don't let it bother you, mom
57
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,228
all kids think adults are old.
58
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,163
And ugly and dumb?
59
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,065
He's entitled to his opinion.
60
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,203
So anyway, I hit him.
61
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,905
Except, he hit me back harder.
62
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,974
Over...and over.
63
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:33,478
Well, I know that you think
you were standing up for me
64
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,147
but you shouldn't fight.
65
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,317
Has he ever actually seen me?
66
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,618
Yeah.
67
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,355
I think I should give
Bobby's mother a call.
68
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,690
No!
69
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,525
But he might
beat you up again.
70
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:50,028
I'd rather get beat up,
than be called a snitch.
71
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,664
Yeah, that's the worst.
72
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,901
On Melmac, some guy
called me a snitch.
73
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,837
Just because I turned him
in to the secret police.
74
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:05,644
Listen, when Bobby saw me,
was I in curlers at the time?
75
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,180
Let it go, Kate.
76
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,617
[instrumental music]
77
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:16,955
Alright, after this lesson
78
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,424
you'll never get
beat up at school again.
79
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,693
I'm not going to
school anymore.
80
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,295
Don't say that.
81
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,097
School's very important.
82
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,766
If you dropout
you wont get anywhere in life.
83
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,269
You'll just hang around
the house all day
84
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,304
eating and watching TV.
85
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,139
But I wanna be like you.
86
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,610
I don't know whether
to laugh or cry.
87
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,780
Let's get back
to Fist-to-Cuff school.
88
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,382
What do you know
about fighting?
89
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,816
Are you kidding?
90
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,953
They used to call me
Sugar Ray Shumway.
91
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:52,257
I could have been a contender
if it weren't for my glass nose.
92
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,292
Really?
93
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,227
[screaming]
My sunburn.
94
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:56,428
Sorry.
95
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,929
No problem.
96
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,499
Now, first
you must learn to focus
97
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,568
all your energy on one thing.
98
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,173
What are you focusing on?
99
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,742
Your candy bar.
100
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,278
Brian, if I am gonna
teach you how to fight
101
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:17,683
I'll need the energy
of a 1,000 empty calories.
102
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,018
Uh, alright here.
103
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:22,921
You learn fast, Grasshopper.
104
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,059
You eat fast, Sugar Ray.
105
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,163
Alright, now, the trick here
106
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,333
is to concentrate
all your energy
107
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,034
and let it explode
108
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,970
in a blinding flash
of destruction.
109
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,038
Watch.
110
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,675
Hee-yah!
111
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,445
Alright!
112
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,613
Well, that never worked before.
113
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,182
Do it again.
114
00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:51,249
Okay.
115
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,553
Hee-yah!
116
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:58,390
I guess there's only pain
117
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,292
when you don't break the board.
118
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,562
Unbelievable pain.
119
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,499
Hey, Brian.
120
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,668
You-your mother
told me what happened.
121
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,002
Are you okay?
122
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,872
Yeah, ALF's teaching
me the martial arts.
123
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,208
I don't want you teaching
my son to fight, ALF.
124
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,578
Call an ambulance.
125
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,347
I'm serious, ALF.
126
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:23,982
Oh, and I'm not?
127
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,517
I broke my hand.
128
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,085
Wha.. Let me see if that..
129
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,488
It looks fine.
130
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,323
Thank you, Professor X-ray.
131
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,025
It's fine, ALF.
132
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,394
It's fine.
133
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:36,862
Oh. Hey, that feels good.
134
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,597
Could you do my shoulders?
135
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,933
You know, ALF,
if you really wanna help
136
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,835
you'd teach him not to fight.
137
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,670
Well, he already knows
how to do that.
138
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,706
Look at his face.
139
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:51,176
Excuse me, ALF,
I know whereof I speak.
140
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,878
You see, when I
was about Brian's age
141
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,546
there was a bully
who lived on our block
142
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,048
who was always picking on me.
143
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,250
Whereof?
144
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,186
Sorry.
145
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,187
I'm still fascinated
146
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,956
by the oddities
of the English language.
147
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,093
Anyway..
148
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,562
...this bully,
his name was Clarence--
149
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,731
Oh-ha! Tough neighborhood.
150
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,065
[laughing]
151
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,801
[screaming]
152
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,907
Every day I'd try
to stand up to him
153
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,409
and every day he'd beat me up.
154
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,745
Until finally my father told me
155
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,247
to just turn the other cheek.
156
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:32,818
Is this the same grandfather
that talked to corn chips?
157
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,055
He was a wise man.
158
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,324
And, see, you know
what happened?
159
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,927
When I refused to fight
160
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,995
Clarence stopped bothering me.
161
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,832
You see, it's no fun
to pick on someone
162
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,834
who won't fight back.
163
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,769
So tomorrow,
Bobby comes up to you
164
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,838
if he starts teasing you..
165
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,474
...I want you
to just walk away, okay?
166
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,975
Okay.
167
00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:00,345
Willie, my hand still hurts.
168
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,746
Kiss it?
169
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:12,190
Whoa. How continental.
170
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,327
[instrumental music]
171
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,432
I love you too, mom.
172
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:21,766
Buh-bye.
173
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,805
Why...are...those boards
174
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,473
in the fireplace?
175
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:31,042
ALF said, "If you
can't break 'em, burn 'em."
176
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,245
ALF!
177
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,080
Boing!
178
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,116
ALF..
179
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,618
...we are not
going to let you burn
180
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,453
perfectly good lumber.
181
00:08:41,455 --> 00:08:43,221
Oh, right, one of these days
182
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,724
Willie's gonna build
that gazebo.
183
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,628
Brian, what's wrong.
184
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:50,829
Nothing. See you tomorrow.
185
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,999
Oh, no, not again.
186
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,568
- Brian.
- Hi, dad.
187
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:59,170
Bobby beat me up again.
188
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,839
Oh, no.
189
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,174
I tried to walk away,
like you said..
190
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,911
...but he was sitting
on me at the time.
191
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,179
Lynn, you get the first-aid kit.
192
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,081
Come on, Bri,
let me clean you up.
193
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,885
Alright! That's it!
194
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,922
I say we fight violence
with violence.
195
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,190
That's how we solved
things back home.
196
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:23,094
But, ALF, don't you remember
what happened to your planet?
197
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,997
Well, it blew up
in a nuclear holocaust. Why?
198
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,267
Don't you see the connection?
199
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,771
What connection?
200
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,206
I give up.
201
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,374
Me, too.
202
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,877
I'm gonna lie down,
my head is spinning.
203
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,979
Maybe a cold cream sundae.
204
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:45,784
Lynn, when did ALF started
eating cold cream?
205
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,919
Hmm, about a month ago.
206
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,294
You should have heard
what Bobby said.
207
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:58,630
Did he insult me again?
208
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,899
No. Dad.
209
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,601
What did he say about me?
210
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,069
He said you must
have been desperate
211
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,371
to marry someone like mom.
212
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,843
I'm glad to see
he's off my case.
213
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,779
Did he say
anything about me?
214
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,349
Yeah. He said you were cute.
215
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,986
Does he know
I'm mom's daughter?
216
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,291
This isn't funny.
217
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,561
I'm sorry, Bri,
but I'm afraid
218
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,463
I'm gonna have to call
Bobby's mother.
219
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:34,766
Save your dialing finger, Kate,
she's not home.
220
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,735
She went down
to the liquor store.
221
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,470
Who told you that?
222
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,005
Bobby's father.
223
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,973
Oh, by the way,
he's coming over here
224
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,342
to beat the stuffing
out of Willie.
225
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,778
What? Why?
226
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:50,315
Well, he didn't like the way
you talked to him on the phone.
227
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,286
ALF...I thought we agreed
that you'd stop
228
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,356
impersonating me on the phone.
229
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,525
We agreed I would stop
impersonating
230
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,394
the cast of "Green Acres."
231
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,497
Although, Mr. Haney
232
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,098
could have sold Brian..
233
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,668
...some revivifying potion..
234
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:12,070
...out of the back of his truck.
235
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:18,309
ALF, what did I say,
to Bobby's father?
236
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,545
You were a bit rough actually.
237
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,247
It was so unlike you.
238
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:26,117
What did he say to me?
239
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,020
He said that..
240
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,556
...he was gonna turn your face
into silly putty.
241
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:36,061
Hey, look at the bright side
242
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:39,831
you'll be able
to reproduce the Sunday comics.
243
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,166
[doorbell ringing]
244
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,501
That might be Bobby's dad.
245
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:44,669
I'm outta here.
246
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,071
Hey, and don't worry, Willie
247
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:49,074
we won't let them
keep you alive artificially.
248
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,550
[breathing heavily]
249
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,420
He-hello, you-you
must be Mr. Duncan.
250
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:03,521
Yeah.
251
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,590
So you're gonna
rip my face off, huh?
252
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,560
You know, I never
meant to say that.
253
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,095
I-I was upset about Brian
254
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,865
uh, please, please
accept my apology.
255
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,000
You beat up Bruce Lee?
256
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,471
Not the Bruce Lee.
257
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:25,343
Uh, I mean, not
the, uh, karate Bruce Lee.
258
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,446
In fact his name wasn't
actually Bruce, it was Herman.
259
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,450
Won't you come in?
260
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:39,090
Ah, ha ha.
I get the picture.
261
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,626
You're one of those weasels
who talks tough on the phone
262
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,862
but can't back it up.
263
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,363
Basically, yeah.
264
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,766
Oh, this must be Mrs. Weasel.
265
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:50,135
So pleased to meet you.
266
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,903
I donno
why I bother comin' over?
267
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,404
I could have just sent Bobby.
268
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,207
Say, look here,
I've said I was sorry.
269
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,575
Now, if you're not
big enough to accept--
270
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,477
Hey, hey, hey, is that
a crack about my height?
271
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,212
Because I have
beat up bigger guys
272
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,615
than you just to get
to a fight, Four Eyes.
273
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:06,618
Ha. Ha. Four Eyes.
274
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,520
Very original. Hmm.
275
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,590
What's happening out there?
276
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,260
Mr. Duncan called
dad "Four Eyes."
277
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,295
Four Eyes! Ha ha.
278
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,398
Oh, that Duncan.
What a yo-yo.
279
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,466
Shh!
280
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,903
Look, we're not
looking for any trouble
281
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,572
we just want your son
to stop picking on Brian.
282
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:31,509
Hey, hey, Bobby told me
your son threw the first punch.
283
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:35,113
Well, that's because your son
called me old and ugly and dumb.
284
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:39,017
Ugly? Better get that
kid some glasses, huh?
285
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:42,253
No, uh..
Better make that contacts.
286
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,455
Right, Four Eyes?
287
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:47,025
You know,
that joke gets less funny
288
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:50,595
every time I hear it...shorty.
289
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,769
Mom, dad, is it time
for church yet?
290
00:13:57,771 --> 00:14:01,739
Aww, are you trying to get
your daddy out of a fight?
291
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,810
Guess whose idea that was?
292
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,513
I don't need my daughter
to keep me from fighting.
293
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,816
No, um, you can run away
from fights on your own.
294
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,418
That's it.
295
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:16,154
I'd like you to leave now.
296
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:18,489
Oh, I'm scared, I'm scared.
297
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,159
I've heard quite enough
from you, more than enough.
298
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,661
- Too much!
- Is that so, sissy boy?
299
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:24,996
Yes, it is.
300
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,633
You obnoxious little man!
301
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,102
[thud]
302
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,840
Way to go, Four Eyes! Yeah!
303
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,145
What have I done?
304
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:46,651
[instrumental music]
305
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,022
Doughnut, Willie?
306
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,558
Hey, no sweets
for Boom-Boom Tanner.
307
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,260
He's in training.
308
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,061
I'm not in training.
309
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,429
Yes, you are.
310
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:01,399
I got you a fight with
Mr. Hurlbut down the street.
311
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:05,036
Mr. Hurlbut is my friend!
312
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,872
Not after the way
you talked to him.
313
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,707
Stop calling people!
314
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,609
Hey, don't hit, don't hit!
315
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,046
It was wrong, what I did.
316
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,081
I feel very bad about it.
317
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,050
Oh, honey, don't
torture yourself.
318
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,852
Yeah, the bum deserved it.
319
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:24,289
He was a short,
beady-eyed loudmouth.
320
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:26,758
Unlike anyone we know.
321
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,794
I'm not beady-eyed.
322
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,030
[doorbell dings]
323
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,264
Wonder who that could be?
324
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,234
Well, hard to say.
I called so many people.
325
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:39,604
Everyone wants to take
a poke at the champ.
326
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:43,308
I'm just glad Mike Tyson
lives in New York.
327
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,444
Actually, he's thinking
about moving out here.
328
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,717
Hey, that's what his
girlfriend told me.
329
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,558
Hi, Tanner.
330
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,994
Whatever I said on
the phone, I'm sorry.
331
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,562
What are talking about?
332
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:08,232
I just came over here
to congratulate you, Killer.
333
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,101
It's Boom-Boom.
334
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,436
Everyone is talking about
335
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,438
what Willie did
to that awful Mr. Duncan.
336
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,440
Well, how did they find out?
337
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,442
From me, of course.
338
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:20,912
Yeah, there's three ways
news can travel..
339
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:24,649
Telephone, telegraph,
and tell Raquel.
340
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,285
So what happened, Killer?
Give us a blow-by-blow. Come on.
341
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:30,121
No, no, no,
I never meant to hurt him.
342
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,658
Actually I was trying
to teach Brian not to fight.
343
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,694
Well, you really pounded
that lesson home.
344
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,496
I'm afraid so.
345
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,799
Oh, don't feel bad, Willie.
Mr. Duncan deserved it.
346
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,835
Do you know,
he had the nerve to complain
347
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:46,938
about Trevor burning
tires in our yard.
348
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,540
Like I can control the wind.
349
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,478
How rude of Mr. Duncan.
350
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:58,149
Well, in all fairness he wasn't
as rude as the fire marshal.
351
00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,484
Well, let's go, Raquel.
352
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,486
If we overstay I reckon
Willie'll throw us out
353
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,054
like yesterday's garbage.
354
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,455
[chuckles]
355
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,725
Bye, Killer.
356
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,998
Willie is a hero.
357
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,466
Just like Racky.
358
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:19,003
Nothing like Rocky.
359
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,506
Not Rocky. Racky.
360
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,208
He was our hero back on Melmac.
361
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,177
He was a tiny little raccoon.
362
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:30,248
Who taught us all to wash
our food before we ate it.
363
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:36,187
We've got to keep in mind
at all times
364
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,623
he's not from this planet.
365
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,761
Willie, if it'll make you
feel any better.
366
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,931
Maybe you should try talking
to Mr. Duncan again.
367
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,199
Hmm.
368
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,668
Yeah, worked like a charm
the first time.
369
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,838
You know, you are right, Kate.
370
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,575
But this time
I am not going to fight.
371
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:01,012
But I've already made you
some boxing trunks.
372
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:05,283
I just rented that tuxedo.
373
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,853
Sorry, I thought you owned it.
374
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:21,065
Okay, if Willie can beat
Trevor and Mr. Litwak
375
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:24,802
then we can get a bigger purse
when he fights Mrs. Byrd.
376
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:31,075
We'll only take the purse
if they throw in matching shoes.
377
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,143
Everything's settled?
378
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,744
Oh, well,
Duncan's on his way over
379
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,747
he wanted
to talk to me in person.
380
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:37,882
Where's Brian?
381
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,485
Is he gonna sing
the national anthem?
382
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,221
No, I, I want him to be here.
383
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,589
So that he can see
384
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:47,458
that I can solve these
things without fighting.
385
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,759
He's in his bedroom.
386
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,128
[doorbell dings]
387
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,496
Good luck, dad.
388
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:54,465
Yeah. Hey, remember,
Willie, it's your title.
389
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,968
He has to take
it away from you.
390
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,374
Brian?
391
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,347
Alright, Tanner. I'm back.
392
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,782
Mr. Duncan, please come in.
393
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,351
What is it?
394
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,453
I wanted you to
meet Mr. Duncan.
395
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:18,523
This is my son,
this is Brian.
396
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:21,025
This is the kid that gave
my kid the black eye?
397
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,260
[scoffs]
398
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,028
You really gave
Bobby a black eye?
399
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,630
Kate.
400
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:28,299
I mean I hope he's okay.
401
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,368
Can I get you anything?
402
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,769
How about a beer?
403
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,939
Of course.
It is almost noon.
404
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:39,777
- Nice walk.
- Oh..
405
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,512
That's my wife.
406
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,384
[sighs]
407
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,154
What's going on out there?
408
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,523
Mr. Duncan likes
the way I walk.
409
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,693
Me too! Especially when
you're carrying dinner.
410
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,529
I hope dad gets this over with.
411
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,665
That man gives me the creeps.
412
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:04,569
Lynn, how could you say that?
Willie's your father!
413
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,973
I was talking about Mr. Duncan.
414
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,474
Oh, right.
415
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:16,681
All I'm trying to do is to get
our kids to stop fighting.
416
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,482
Why would you wanna do that?
417
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,785
Fighting's good for kids.
It's exercise.
418
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,788
Not for the guy on the ground.
419
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:26,958
Oh, thanks, babe.
420
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:31,062
You're welcome, bub.
421
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:35,266
Anyway, where I grew up, we were
always fighting at-at home
422
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:37,335
at school, at the pet store.
423
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,703
At the pet store?
424
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,338
Hey, I like fightin'.
425
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,941
It's how I survived.
It made me what I am today.
426
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,944
I'm in the scrap metal business
and it's a tough racket.
427
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,579
Scrap metal?
428
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:50,948
Keep the can.
429
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,186
Hey, lady, is that a put-down?
430
00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:58,122
I'm a scrap metal dealer,
not a garbage man.
431
00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,857
There's a big difference.
432
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:04,895
Oh, I think you're being
overly sensitive here.
433
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,364
Oh, yeah?
434
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,366
How would you like it if
I said you were the goofiest
435
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:10,034
looking doofus I've ever met.
436
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,738
- Wouldn't bother me.
- Dad?
437
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,906
It's alright, Brian.
Those are just words.
438
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:18,809
[imitating Willie]
It's alright Brian.
Those are just words.
439
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:22,046
Alright, Duncan.
I've had my say.
440
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:24,448
- Now, I'd like you to leave.
- Oh, yeah, sure.
441
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,317
Now that you know
what I do for a living
442
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,419
I'm not good enough
to be in your house.
443
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,454
Would you just leave?
444
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:33,090
Why don't you make me?
445
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:34,992
I would,
but I'm too civilized.
446
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:38,729
Civilized? More like
sissified, hey, doofus?
447
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,766
Oh, you are out of here!
448
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:43,100
[grunts]
449
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:44,902
[thud]
450
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:47,905
Yay, mom!
451
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:50,741
Let's hear it for
Kate Boom-Boom Tanner.
452
00:21:51,844 --> 00:21:53,511
Of course, you realize
what you did was wrong.
453
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:54,979
Yeah, I know.
454
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:58,916
It's true, Brian.
455
00:21:58,918 --> 00:22:01,752
In spite of what you've seen and
heard here in the last two days
456
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:04,355
fighting is wrong.
457
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:08,759
And don't argue with them,
or you'll wind up in the trash.
458
00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:12,163
Hey, Kate, when are you free
to mud wrestle Raquel?
459
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,600
[instrumental music]
460
00:22:22,475 --> 00:22:24,542
In this corner
461
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:28,279
weighing in at 14 ounces
462
00:22:28,281 --> 00:22:30,715
Mummy-Hamed Ali.
463
00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:34,518
And in this corner
weighing in at
464
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,054
none of your business..
465
00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:42,193
...Gordon Sugar Ray Shumway.
466
00:22:42,195 --> 00:22:44,228
[imitating crowd cheering]
467
00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:46,330
Round one..
468
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:47,798
Ding.
469
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,337
Ow, low blow, low blow!
470
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,674
Oh, what do you mean low blow?
He hit you in the nose.
471
00:22:56,676 --> 00:23:00,211
Anything below
my hairline is a low blow.
472
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,014
- Hi.
- Hi, honey.
473
00:23:04,016 --> 00:23:07,418
Oh, guess what? Bobby's not
picking on Brian anymore.
474
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:08,819
In fact he's scared of him.
475
00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:10,688
Well, that's what happens
when your parents
476
00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:13,224
are He-Man and She-Ra
477
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,326
masters of the neighborhood.
478
00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:18,929
Weren't you in
the middle of a bout?
479
00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:21,932
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna wrap
this one up, mummy.
480
00:23:21,934 --> 00:23:23,534
[laughing]
481
00:23:23,536 --> 00:23:25,603
Alright. Take that!
482
00:23:27,006 --> 00:23:29,707
Yeah, bet you didn't know
I could do that.
483
00:23:29,709 --> 00:23:31,041
Oh, I'm not surprised.
484
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:34,111
The mummy's not the only
one with a round bottom.
485
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:40,017
Body block!
486
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,686
[instrumental music]
487
00:23:44,223 --> 00:23:47,258
[theme music]
488
00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:14,118
[ALF laughing]
37131
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