Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,003
Hey, Kate,
get a load of this.
2
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:08,207
A stamp, commemorating
some guy walking on the moon.
3
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:12,277
ALF, it was one of mankind's
greatest moments.
4
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:13,779
Big deal!
5
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:17,416
I was the first Melmacian
to wash my hands before eating.
6
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:20,085
Nobody put me on a stamp.
7
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,187
Maybe you
should've used soap.
8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,490
Ha. Ha.
9
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,958
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, honey.
10
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,894
Oh, good, you're home.
What did you bring me?
11
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,362
Nothing.
12
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,298
That's the same thing
you brought me yesterday.
13
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,634
I left your dinner
in the oven, hon.
14
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,036
Unguarded?
15
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,103
You wouldn't
have liked it.
16
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,672
The veal was
nearly inedible.
17
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:41,874
ALF!
18
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,610
Next time,
try an overnight marinade.
19
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,613
I'll make you a sandwich..
20
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:49,848
...if there's any
bread left!
21
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,284
I think there's
half a raisin bagel.
22
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:56,922
Yo, Wilkins, how much do you
want to give to the monks?
23
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,257
What monks?
24
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,558
We got an appeal from
25
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,461
the Brothers of
the Peaceful Dominion.
26
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,530
That's my checkbook.
27
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:07,733
Yeah, they're your checks.
28
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,436
Don't worry.
I'm using your signature.
29
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:13,072
I've even mastered
that effeminate loop
30
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:15,307
you put on
your capital T.
31
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,845
As long as these checks
are in my name
32
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,781
I'll be the one who decides
who the money goes to.
33
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,952
And my loops are
not effeminate..
34
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,353
...they're decorative
35
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,790
Well, we're in a mood.
36
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:37,830
[theme music]
37
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:52,344
[no audio]
38
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:58,016
[no audio]
39
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,554
[no audio]
40
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,757
[music continues]
41
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,696
[no audio]
42
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,658
[instrumental music]
43
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,428
Hold still, Bri.
44
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,230
I don't wanna stick you.
45
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,632
You look great, B.
46
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,568
Sort of like the Pope's son.
47
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,136
I'm in a play at school.
48
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,638
I'm Friar Tuck.
49
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,373
One of Robin Hood's merry men.
50
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:55,707
No kidding.
51
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,043
We had a Robin Hood on Melmac.
52
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:01,513
Did he take from the rich
and give to the poor?
53
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:05,017
No, he just robbed
the hoods off people's cars.
54
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,755
Honey, please. ALF,
would you leave us alone?
55
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,357
Fine. I'll go bother Lynn.
56
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,595
What's all this stuff?
57
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:19,164
Oh, it's a project
for my sociology class.
58
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,600
I'm putting together
our family tree.
59
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,769
Well, who chopped it down?
60
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,437
Was it me again?
61
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,406
It is not that kind of a tree.
62
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,375
See, look it shows
all of our ancestors
63
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,678
who they married
and who their kids were.
64
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,680
Each relative is a branch.
65
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,715
Except your Grandma Dorothy.
66
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,883
She's a nut.
67
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,484
[laughing]
68
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,119
Watch it.
69
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,088
Hey, it is not like she's here.
70
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:47,159
You can find out some really
interesting stuff this way.
71
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,196
Like seeing a picture
of your mother wearing lipstick
72
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,598
when she was 14.
73
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,132
Which you yourself
was not allowed
74
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,767
to wear until you were 16.
75
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,637
I had chapped lips.
76
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,540
You had chapped eyelids too?
77
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:06,311
ALF, why don't you
make a family tree?
78
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:09,414
Yeah, it's really a fun way
to remember your ancestors.
79
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,583
Well, I don't remember much.
80
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,553
My father was always
breaking things.
81
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,622
And my mother sat
around eating all day.
82
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,627
It's amazing you
turned out so well.
83
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:25,697
Thanks, but sometimes I do
blow my nose on the wrong towel.
84
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:31,970
What?
85
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:34,806
[instrumental music]
86
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,511
[sighs]
87
00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,581
Ah!
88
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,850
I can see why your
spaceship crashed.
89
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,586
You were over
the weight limit for luggage.
90
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,088
Well, gee, Willie,
why didn't you ask for help?
91
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,423
I did.
92
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,924
You said no.
93
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,061
If you'd only used
the magic word "Please."
94
00:04:57,164 --> 00:05:00,565
Oh, hey, this is all I
need for my family tree.
95
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,334
You can put
the boxes back.
96
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,169
Forget it.
97
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,104
What's in these things anyway?
98
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,873
These boxes all contain
99
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,742
the remnants
of a vanished civilization.
100
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,478
A people
whose culture and intellect
101
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,149
were unsurpassed
in the known universe.
102
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,885
Dashboard dice?
103
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:20,786
Dashboard?
104
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,455
What a great place for those!
105
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,824
Hey, Kate, guess where
these are going?
106
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,427
In the garbage.
107
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,629
No. That's where I found them.
108
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,734
Who are these...people?
109
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:40,372
Oh, that's
my fourth grade class.
110
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,941
I'm the one eating paste.
111
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,744
Oh, what's this vacuum cleaner
doing in this picture?
112
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,713
That's my teacher.
113
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,650
Your fourth grade teacher
was a hoover upright.
114
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:54,186
Bite your tongue.
115
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,755
Mrs. Landers was remarkable.
116
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,858
She could walk on her hands
and pick up lint
117
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,127
with her big skinny mouth.
118
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,397
[gasps]
119
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,033
She was a vacuum cleaner.
120
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,002
Oh, look, I see you got
a picture of your thumb here.
121
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:14,306
Oh, I've made that
mistake myself.
122
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:15,540
What mistake?
123
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,242
I collect pictures
of my thumb.
124
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,713
Look, here's a picture
of my thumb at the beach.
125
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,550
Here's one
of my thumb at the prom.
126
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,652
Oh, wait,
that's my toe.
127
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,689
Well, this shot's ruined.
128
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,292
Are these your parents?
129
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,027
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
130
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,996
Uh, that's the day
they were married.
131
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,999
See, mom's feeding dad
a piece of the wedding cat.
132
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,238
You have your dad's nose.
133
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,341
And your mother's, too.
134
00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:52,110
Well, noses run
in my family.
135
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,578
Ha! Ha! Ha!
136
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,115
Oh, I kill me.
137
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,150
Yeah.
138
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,720
Wait a minute.
139
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,288
This can't be right.
140
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,856
What's the matter?
141
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,324
According to this..
142
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:09,995
...my parents were married
on Twangle the 12th
143
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:14,466
but...I wasn't born until
the 28th of Nathinganger.
144
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,768
- Twangle?
- Nathinganger?
145
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,438
What does that
mean, ALF?
146
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,873
Well, isn't it obvious?
147
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,876
It means my parents
were married..
148
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,045
...before I was born.
149
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:29,714
[sighs]
150
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:35,787
And they say it's easy
raising an alien.
151
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,123
Who says that?
152
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,093
People who have never
raised an alien.
153
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,964
[ALF sobbing]
154
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,766
ALF?
155
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,972
[door slams shuts]
156
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,173
ALF?
157
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,145
[knocks on door]
158
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,046
ALF?
159
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,380
(ALF)
'Who is it?'
160
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:05,150
Wha.. Who do you think it is?
161
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,053
'Willie, I am not in the mood
for guessing games.'
162
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,456
'Don't come in.'
163
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:12,691
[door closes]
164
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,392
Well what are you
doing in there?
165
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,928
Staring out your window.
166
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:20,499
Reflecting on the wretchedness
of life.
167
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:23,168
I didn't mean
what are you doing in there.
168
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,737
I meant, what are you
doing in there?
169
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:30,709
Oh, sure.
Confuse me with syntax.
170
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,210
We're coming in.
171
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,517
What's going on?
172
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:41,820
Looks like he's doing
his Susan Hayward impression.
173
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:48,560
Oh, go ahead, make jokes
while my life is in shambles.
174
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:51,363
ALF, what is
the problem?
175
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:52,797
I already told you.
176
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:55,834
I'm branded with
the worst stigma imaginable.
177
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,737
I was born..
178
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,705
...in wedlock.
179
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,976
ALF, if it makes you
feel any better
180
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,079
I was born in wedlock too.
181
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:11,149
- So was I.
- So what?
182
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,519
You think the whole universe
follows the same moral code?
183
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:18,390
As one backward planet that
worships Don Knotts.
184
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,127
We don't worships Don Knotts.
185
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,796
Well, you should.
He's very entertaining.
186
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:30,135
ALF...what difference
does it make
187
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:33,672
if your parents were married
before you were born?
188
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,807
You don't understand.
189
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,677
On Melmac, being born
to a married couple
190
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,546
was the most
disgraceful thing there was.
191
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,848
Next to being a cat lover.
192
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:49,154
It's obvious that ALF is very
upset. Let's leave him alone.
193
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,189
Well, where are we
gonna sleep then?
194
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,959
I can personally recommend
the laundry basket.
195
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,695
We'll use the sofa bed.
196
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,631
Not the sofa bed, Kate.
It's so lumpy.
197
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:02,067
Oh, great,
my life's coming apart
198
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:05,770
and Mr. Sensitivity
is worried about lumps.
199
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,973
Come on, Willie,
it'll only be for one night.
200
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,775
Kate, you're an optimist.
201
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,082
[sighs]
202
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,452
I wish life were more fair.
203
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:26,358
Also wish Mrs. Ochmonek would
undress with the shades down.
204
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,194
Yee!
205
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,500
[instrumental music]
206
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,440
- You want to get the coffee?
- Sure.
207
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,175
I'll get the eggs.
208
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:49,180
[sighs]
Well, I see ALF's
had his breakfast.
209
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:53,385
At least he didn't
eat the tape recorder.
210
00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:54,853
What is this?
211
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,755
Probably his grocery list.
212
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,423
Kate, listen..
213
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:01,660
"Dear Earth family, the depth
of my shame is so great
214
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,828
"I've decided to leave.
215
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,264
Press play
for further details."
216
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:11,836
[opera playing]
217
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:14,773
That's my "Carmen" tape.
218
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,976
[ALF singing opera]
219
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,883
(ALF on tape)
'Yo, Tanners, it's me ALF.'
220
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,151
'Hope you don't mind me'
221
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:27,952
'recording over your
"Carmen" tape.'
222
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:31,222
No, no, your version
is much better.
223
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,391
(ALF)
'As you now know,
I'm not there.'
224
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,260
'I've decided
to run away to a place'
225
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,262
'where peace and tranquility'
226
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:41,566
'allow for the contemplation
of life's vicissitudes.'
227
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,368
What does he know
of life's vicissitudes?
228
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,637
I still have to put up
the toilet seat for him.
229
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:48,073
(ALF)
'Perhaps one day'
230
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,575
'when I can deal
with my seedy lineage'
231
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,011
'I will see you all again.'
232
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,547
'Farewell. I love you all.'
233
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,183
'Now back to more
classical music.'
234
00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:00,585
[ALF singing opera]
235
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:05,323
Willie,
where could he have gone?
236
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,158
Heaven only knows.
237
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,430
[bell rings]
238
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:13,665
[bell tolls]
239
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:28,012
I hear you're looking
for a few good monks.
240
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,422
[instrumental music]
241
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,857
(ALF on tape)
'As you now know,
I'm not there.'
242
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,925
'I've run away to a place'
243
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,660
'where peace and tranquility'
244
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:47,332
'allow for the contemplation
of life's vicissitudes.'
245
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,934
[door opens]
246
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,403
Willie, I couldn't
find him anywhere.
247
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:56,107
Well, where could
a three foot, hairy alien go
248
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,610
and not be conspicuous?
249
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,445
Steven Spielberg's house?
250
00:13:02,716 --> 00:13:04,516
- Any sign of him, Bri?
- No.
251
00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:07,352
But my Friar Tuck
costume is gone.
252
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,454
Maybe he went
to Sherwood Forest.
253
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,990
No, Bri.
Sherwood Forest is in England.
254
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,192
ALF only took enough
food to get to Canada.
255
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,162
Why'd he run away?
256
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,964
Oh, it's hard to explain, Bri.
257
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,933
Y-you'll understand
when you're older.
258
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,601
How old?
259
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:24,969
Well, older than me.
260
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,138
I'm still trying
to figure it out.
261
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,142
- 'Well?'
- Nothing.
262
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,144
Where could he have gone?
263
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,747
Someplace where
peace and tranquility
264
00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:40,018
allow for the contemplation
of life's vicissitudes.
265
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,321
That sounds familiar.
266
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,989
Well, that's what
he said on the tape.
267
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,025
No, no, uh,
besides that.
268
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,495
Wait a minute, ALF wanted me
to send my allowance
269
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,497
to a bunch of monks.
270
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,733
Listen to this.
271
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:59,170
"Peace and tranquility,
life's vicissitudes."
272
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,339
It's from the Brothers
of the Peaceful Dominion.
273
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,142
That's it!
He's joined a monastery.
274
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,312
I'm sorry.
275
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:12,650
[Gregorian music]
276
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:15,820
Uh, excuse me.
277
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,255
Where's the little monk's room?
278
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,591
I have to take a vicissitude.
279
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:26,064
Well, I guess I can wait.
280
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,768
Are you here
because of a painful secret
281
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,504
from your past like I am?
282
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,939
Or are you
just one of those guys
283
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,708
who likes wearing a dress?
284
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,212
Right.
285
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,814
We're a silent order.
286
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,349
We don't speak.
287
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,818
Ixnay on the eaking-spay.
288
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,355
Got it.
289
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,695
[mumbling]
290
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:04,836
Joke time, alright?
291
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:07,438
This one will knock you
on your cassocks.
292
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:11,109
What happened when the heater
went off in the convent?
293
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,678
They had a bunch of blue nuns!
294
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,514
Ha! Ha! Ha! Blue nuns.
295
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,483
Get it? Ha!
296
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,155
Tough room.
297
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,758
[bell tolls]
298
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,495
Hey, why don't you let
the hunchback answer it?
299
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,432
[bell tolls]
300
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,408
Oh, excuse me,
I-I'm sorry to disturb
301
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,776
y-your peaceful dominion
302
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,245
but, uh, I-I'm looking
for a friend of mine.
303
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,881
He's a rather short..
304
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:52,583
...hairy fellow.
305
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,285
Has anyone joined
your flock recently?
306
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,854
I mean, like,
say since breakfast?
307
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,392
Oh, t-thank you.
Thank you very much.
308
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,094
Uh, should I
be wearing a hat?
309
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,229
No, no, I'm fine.
310
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,901
Here's a real gut buster.
311
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,804
How does the friar
open the door to the abbey?
312
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,707
With a monkey.
313
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:17,642
Ha! Ha!
314
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,777
Get it? Monk-key.
315
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,513
What's the problem?
316
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,916
This stuff going
over your haloes?
317
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,754
ALF.
318
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,390
Willie.
319
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,926
H-how did you find me?
320
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:37,595
One of the monks talked,
didn't he?
321
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,030
Never mind that.
322
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,399
ALF, how did you get here?
323
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,167
Thumbnail Express.
324
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,502
You hitchhiked?
325
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,271
Yeah. Easiest ride I ever got.
326
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:48,940
Who's going to drive by
and leave a monk
327
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,175
sucking his exhaust pipe?
328
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,112
ALF, your manners.
329
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,780
Absolutely right.
330
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,148
Where are they?
331
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,418
Uh, Willie Tanner,
this is Ed the monk.
332
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,620
Ed the monk,
Willie Tanner.
333
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,323
Willie, Ed.
Ed, Willie.
334
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,291
I don't know who
the other guy is.
335
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,459
I think it's Cat Stevens.
336
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:15,266
ALF, what if they figure out
you're an alien?
337
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,335
Who are they going to tell?
338
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,640
Isn't there someplace
we can go to talk?
339
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:26,878
It's really rather difficult
to discuss certain details--
340
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,247
This is my home now, Willie.
341
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,250
These brothers are like..
342
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,318
...sisters to me.
343
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,854
Let it fly.
344
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,923
Alright.
345
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:42,960
Uh, I did a lot of thinking
on the drive up here
346
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:48,066
and, uh...I've never told
another living soul
347
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,767
what I'm about
to tell you..
348
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,904
...and you..
349
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,007
...and you.
350
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,875
And, of course, you.
351
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,914
Um, I know you're not exactly
crazy about my stories
352
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,216
but I think you'll find
this one poignant
353
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,386
and not without
a certain relevance.
354
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,754
Brace yourself, boys.
355
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,856
The sermon's coming
early this week.
356
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,761
When I was growing up,
I thought my mother
357
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:20,064
was the most beautiful
woman that ever lived.
358
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,800
I-I-I guess every boy feels
that way about his mom
359
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,335
but, you know,
I wasn't the only one
360
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,636
who thought that
about my mother.
361
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,339
Look here.
Look, look.
362
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,007
[chuckles]
363
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,209
Huh?
364
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,945
Who's the goofy-looking kid?
365
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,046
That's me.
366
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,020
The years have been
kind to you, Willie.
367
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,055
Very kind.
368
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,691
May I continue with my story?
369
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,826
Please. And put that away.
370
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,598
Well, one night,
uh, I don't know
371
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,100
I must've been
about six or so
372
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,569
I-I was, I was walking
by my mother's room
373
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,839
and I looked and I saw her
sitting at her dressing table.
374
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:06,978
I saw her reach up
and take off her hair.
375
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,815
I was just..
376
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,150
I was destroyed.
377
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:15,419
You know, I mean, not,
n-n-not because she wore a wig
378
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,488
I-I didn't mind that.
379
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,024
It was because
she didn't tell me
380
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:23,528
and this brings me
to the meaningful part now.
381
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,396
And not a moment too soon
382
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:28,366
it's almost time for vespers.
383
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:31,269
I hope that means cookies.
384
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,803
ALF, I'm trying to explain
385
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,639
why your parents
didn't tell you
386
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,541
they were married
before you were born.
387
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:39,443
Oh, continue, my child.
388
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,346
I think that they didn't
389
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,915
they didn't want
their son to think
390
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:47,318
that they were any...thing
less than perfect.
391
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,020
Tha-that's the way parents are.
392
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,490
I-I know, I-I feel that way
about Brian and Lynn.
393
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,760
An-and someday, when you have
kids of your own, you'll feel--
394
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,195
Uh, uh, uh.
395
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,930
I won't be having kids.
396
00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:01,299
Monks give up more than
talking, you know.
397
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:02,767
Right, Eddie?
398
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:11,075
Is it me or are those guys
a bunch of stiffs?
399
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,448
Look, Willie, I'm a convertible.
400
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,019
Face it, ALF.
401
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,621
You're not monk material.
402
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,057
Oh, yes, I am.
403
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,360
They showed me
the list of qualifications.
404
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:32,263
Sloth, greed, gluttony.
405
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,999
Those are
the seven deadly sins.
406
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,803
I thought the seven deadly sins
were those guys
407
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:41,472
who lived in the forest
with Snow White.
408
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,743
Those are the seven dwarfs.
409
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,945
We prefer the term
"Little people."
410
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,251
Come on home, ALF.
411
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,219
We miss you.
412
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,788
Nobody cares
about your past.
413
00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,690
Well, gee,
I don't know.
414
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,526
Tonight's my turn
to bang the dinner gong.
415
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,696
ALF.
416
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,665
Okay, you got a deal.
417
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,201
You came all this way to get me.
418
00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:13,004
If you want me back so badly..
419
00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:15,072
...you deserve me.
420
00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:17,208
Oh, thanks, ALF.
421
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:18,376
Well, just give me a second
422
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,345
to say goodbye
to the bros, okay?
423
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:23,314
Yo, I'm leaving!
424
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,483
[monks clapping]
425
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:31,055
I thought this was
a silent order.
426
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:38,696
[instrumental music]
427
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:41,999
You know, mom, dad..
428
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:46,203
...you'd like the Tanners.
429
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:48,539
They care about me.
430
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:51,442
Even when I do
something stupid like..
431
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:53,878
...stomp grapes
in the bathtub.
432
00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:56,147
Goodnight, ALF.
433
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,682
We're glad
to have you home.
434
00:21:57,684 --> 00:21:59,684
Can I have a cookie?
435
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:02,887
They're not cookies,
they're vespers.
436
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,556
And yes, you may.
437
00:22:07,727 --> 00:22:09,493
ALF, uh, do you know why
438
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:11,095
there are purple footprints
439
00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:12,663
all over the bathroom?
440
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:15,766
Uh, have a vesper, Kate.
441
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,168
We don't want any.
442
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:19,170
I'll have a couple of those.
443
00:22:19,172 --> 00:22:20,705
Willie.
444
00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:23,874
Willie, gluttony is one
of the seven deadly dwarfs.
445
00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:29,613
ALF, I'd like those footprints
cleaned up tomorrow.
446
00:22:29,615 --> 00:22:32,416
Thy will be done.
447
00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:33,751
Thank you.
448
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,389
It's good
to have him back.
449
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:41,459
- Amen to that.
- Come on, kids.
450
00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:43,094
Goodnight, ALF.
See you in the morning.
451
00:22:43,096 --> 00:22:45,096
- Goodnight, ALF.
- Goodnight.
452
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:51,769
I want you both to know
that I'm, I'm not upset anymore
453
00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:54,805
that you kept
your marriage a secret.
454
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:58,409
In fact, I have a secret
I haven't told you.
455
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:04,782
Willie's mother wears a wig.
456
00:23:06,219 --> 00:23:08,119
Ha! Ha!
457
00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:10,554
[instrumental music]
458
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:16,927
[theme music]
35294
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
