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1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,569
(ALF)
'Yuck! Too ripe.'
2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:08,207
Nope, this one doesn't
look good either.
3
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:12,611
Nope.
4
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,814
This one has a worm in it.
5
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,182
Mine!
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,584
You eat worms?
7
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,452
What else are you
supposed to do with them?
8
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,488
Use them for bait?
9
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,490
(Kate)
'Brian, time for dinner.'
10
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,524
Okay.
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,659
- You coming, ALF?
- No, go ahead.
12
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,862
Your mother won't let
me eat worms in the house.
13
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,731
- Enjoy.
- Thanks.
14
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,370
There's no worm in this!
15
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,244
Oh, howdy, Raquel.
16
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,779
[screams]
17
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,821
[screams]
18
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:59,958
[theme music]
19
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,988
[music continues]
20
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,587
[instrumental music]
21
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,689
[ALF screaming]
22
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:06,425
Red alert! Red alert!
Alien coming through!
23
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,096
What was ALF running for?
24
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,265
(ALF)
'Uh, occupied!'
25
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,634
Oh, I'm sorry.
26
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,970
ALF knows that's not a
bathroom, doesn't he?
27
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,571
I hope so.
28
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,040
ALF.
29
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,075
ALF!
30
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,979
Say, ALF, what's going on?
31
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,046
[doorbell]
32
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,048
Uh, uh, get the front door,
Willie.
33
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,783
It may be self-evident.
34
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,555
Oh, Kate, Willie!
35
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:39,158
It was horrifying,
it was simply horrifying!
36
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,093
It had a long...and two big..
37
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:43,228
Raquel, please don't do this.
38
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,930
She's imagining things.
39
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,465
I am not imagining things.
40
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,433
There is a monster
loose in the neighborhood.
41
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,735
A monster?
42
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:53,338
Oh, are you going to
form an angry mob?
43
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,507
I saw it in your back yard.
44
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,443
And I could swear I've
seen it once before.
45
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,347
What did this monster look like?
46
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,417
Uh...like bigfoot, only little.
47
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,720
It ran behind your garage.
48
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,589
Oh, it might still be there.
49
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,791
Uh, maybe we should
go have a look.
50
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,326
Oh, good, good, good.
But you go first.
51
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,963
Uh, Raquel, Raquel, I'm sure
that there's nothing out there.
52
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,766
Oh, fine! Well, then,
you just tell that to it!
53
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,771
Raquel..
54
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,974
Uh, will you tell it that
I'd like to speak to him.
55
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,285
Big foot?
56
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,887
Well, she's one to talk.
57
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,690
I could shoot the rapids
in one of her gunboats.
58
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,530
It was right over here!
59
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:54,766
See. It was eating the avocados.
60
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,936
How considerate of it to
have taken a single bite
61
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,605
out of every one.
62
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,273
Look at this bite pattern.
63
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,307
Four teeth.
64
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,343
That is not human.
65
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:07,045
Your mother had four teeth.
66
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,348
Bad example.
67
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:12,117
Maybe it was a dog.
68
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,119
It knew my name!
69
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,156
Maybe-e-e it was a neighborhood
dog.
70
00:04:20,194 --> 00:04:23,028
Raquel, you know how the mind
71
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,963
plays terrible
tricks on a person.
72
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,432
Yeah, I bet it was
that extra garlic
73
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,434
you put on your
pizza this morning.
74
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,970
You had the pizza.
75
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,372
Ixnay, Raquel.
76
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,007
I'm just trying to cover for ya.
77
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:38,710
I don't need you to cover for
me! I am telling the truth!
78
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,980
Fine! You saw little bigfoot.
79
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,215
I'm out of it.
80
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:46,785
Well, it looked
like a little Bigfoot.
81
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,554
Uh, uh, maybe it was one
of those, uh, you know
82
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,223
wrinkly dogs from China.
83
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:55,260
They're...a-always being
mistaken for something else.
84
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,962
No, no, this was different.
85
00:04:56,964 --> 00:05:01,199
It looked like something
from...another world.
86
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,802
The soap opera?
87
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:08,573
No, it was a creature
from outer space!
88
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:10,776
Willie, you went to college.
89
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,978
Tell her there's no
such thing as spacemen.
90
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:18,016
Well...I can't say
that for sure.
91
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:21,953
It is possible that there
are beings from other worlds
92
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,323
that could come
to visit us someday
93
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:27,759
and stay even in fact overstay.
94
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,829
Not even once offer to
pay for their own food..
95
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,967
...so I hear.
96
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,202
I give up. You're all nuts.
97
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,804
Come on, Raquel.
We're going home.
98
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,073
No, no, it may be dangerous.
99
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,075
We must warn the
Alien Task Force.
100
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:45,877
No, no. Why? You did that before
they didn't believe you.
101
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,746
Why do you think
they'll believe you now?
102
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:51,149
Fine! Then I'll have to
warn everybody myself.
103
00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:53,352
Yoo hoo!
104
00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:54,986
Mr. Litwak! Yoo-hoo!
105
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,755
Raquel? Raquel!
106
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,824
[indistinct chatter]
107
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,260
Honey, you don't think the
Litwaks
108
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,362
will believe her, do you?
109
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:04,896
Kate, the Litwaks believe
110
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,466
Dick Clark is 23 years old.
111
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:10,669
[instrumental music]
112
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,538
- Did they leave?
- Yeah.
113
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,006
Where's small foot?
114
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,945
What is this sudden
obsession with my feet?
115
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,550
Brian, uh,
I want you to go outside
116
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,919
and see if Mrs. Ochmonek
is alarming anyone.
117
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,621
You want me to spy on her?
118
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,023
No, no. No, no.
I want you to go outside.
119
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:36,962
I want you to look around and
see if Mrs...uh, yeah, go spy.
120
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,700
You know, I don't think that
Raquel is gonna rest
121
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,935
until she gets her spaceman.
122
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,670
What if we borrowed
a hairy animal
123
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,506
and let it loose on her yard?
124
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,474
Define hairy animal.
125
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:50,709
A goat.
126
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,577
An ant-rater.
127
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,113
A baboon. Yeah, no.
No an orangutan.
128
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:58,316
- That's orange.
- Who're you calling orange?
129
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,185
I'm burnt sienna.
130
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,854
I'm sorry ALF. No offense.
131
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,456
Well, none taken.
132
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,658
You hairless pink suburbanite.
133
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,395
There's a crowd
around Mrs. Ochmonek.
134
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,863
Oh, no!
135
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,232
Don't worry, don't worry.
We'll find a way out of this.
136
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:17,536
In the meantime ALF,
you'll just have to stay inside.
137
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,571
Well define meantime.
138
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,173
For as long as it takes.
139
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:23,608
Well, define
as long as it takes.
140
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,177
Until Raquel forgets
141
00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:28,380
she saw a talking midget
Bigfoot with four teeth.
142
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,684
Well, we're talking
well into next week.
143
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:42,627
I noticed you spend a lot
of time fixing stuff, Willie.
144
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:46,364
That's because you spend a lot
of time breaking stuff, ALF.
145
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,669
Well, it's nice that our
hobbies are so compatible.
146
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,410
Could you, could you
stop the pacing?
147
00:07:58,412 --> 00:07:59,978
I pace when I'm bored.
148
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,381
I've been under house
arrest for almost a month.
149
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,917
It's been two days, ALF.
150
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,887
Then why did I carve 30
notches on your banister?
151
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,089
Because you're a vandal.
152
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,896
Look what I found.
It's a picture of ALF.
153
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,965
What? Let me see.
154
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,435
"Be on the lookout for this
155
00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:26,004
hideous looking space creature?"
156
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,507
Well, if that isn't
a case of the orbit guard
157
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,709
calling the
cat rancher a hairball!
158
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,945
They're on all of
the telephone poles.
159
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,881
Oh, no. This is terrible.
160
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,917
Well, you're right! That picture
looks nothing like me.
161
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,820
If my ears were that
big, I could pick up HBO.
162
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,756
We've got to do something.
163
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,959
Yes, Brian, go to all
the telephone poles
164
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,528
and erase the ears.
165
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:53,131
I repeat, erase the ears.
166
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,500
Okay. I'll make the
nose bigger, too.
167
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:02,207
[Brian loudly]
'Oh, hi, Mr. Ochmonek.'
168
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,776
(Trevor)
'Oh, hi, Brian,
where's your dad?'
169
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:08,713
[Brian loudly]
'He's in the garage.
All by himself!'
170
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:12,784
[Trevor loudly]
'Well, thanks a lot!
See you later!'
171
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,587
ALF, hide.
172
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:18,290
No. It's time I took a stand.
173
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:21,359
It is a far, far
better thing that I do.
174
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,094
[knock at door]
175
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,897
I'll be far, far under
the workbench.
176
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,936
Oh, hey, Trevor, wh-what's up?
177
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:33,939
Ask Raquel.
She's driving me nuts.
178
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,974
You know she even made a
sculpture of the creature
179
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,043
out of mashed potatoes.
180
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,544
That is pretty bizarre.
181
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:42,914
Hey watch it! That's my wife
you're talking about.
182
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,983
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
183
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:50,088
This is a wild imagination,
that's all.
184
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,656
She used to think
you guys were taking
185
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,858
a sip out of our milk
every morning.
186
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:02,601
She's making us the laughing
stock of the neighborhood.
187
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,836
I hate to say it, Willie..
188
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,471
...I think she's wacko.
189
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,607
(Raquel)
Trevor? Trevor.
190
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:09,908
Dumpling.
191
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,377
I just got a call from the
"Lenny Scott Show."
192
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,647
Lenny wants to interview
me on tonight's program.
193
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,849
Oh, no, not Lenny Scott!
194
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,551
Who's Lenny Scott?
195
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,219
He has a local talk show.
196
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,022
He has all kinds of kooks
and weirdoes on.
197
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,859
He ridicules 'em,
then he makes fun of them.
198
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:30,095
It doesn't matter
who ridicules you
199
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,030
if you're telling the truth.
200
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,632
I'm sorry, pumpkin.
201
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:37,902
I just hate to see you blabbing
this thing all over the city.
202
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,404
The truth must be told
203
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:42,841
and finally someone wants
me to tell it. Oh!
204
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,275
Not me.
205
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,744
Me, either.
206
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:46,911
Raquel!
207
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,680
I'm on my knees.
208
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:49,914
Don't do this!
209
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:52,450
The name Ochmonek
always stood for class.
210
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:59,524
And you were reincarnated
57 times?
211
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,494
'I see, you're trying to break
Shirley MacLaine's record.'
212
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:03,928
Is Raquel on yet?
213
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,698
No, Lenny's still talking
to the fat lady.
214
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:11,002
(Lenny)
'So, you were Lady Godiva
in a former life, huh?'
215
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,872
Your horse must have loved that!
216
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,207
How would you rate this guy
in the sleaze ball scale?
217
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:19,244
Oh, somewhere between
a leech and a shark.
218
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,146
(Lenny)
'We'll take our
first caller now.'
219
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,181
'You're on the air.'
220
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,049
Poor ALF.
221
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,450
You realize that after tonight
222
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,319
thousands of people will be
coming to look for him.
223
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,655
I hope they don't take ALF away.
224
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,491
Well, you hope they
don't take ALF away.
225
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,194
How could you be eating
popcorn at a time like this?
226
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,496
We're out of potato chips.
227
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,231
Besides, I always snack
228
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,901
when I'm going to
be exposed on TV.
229
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,202
There she is.
230
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:49,007
Our next guest is
Raquel Ouch-my-neck.
231
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,479
[audience cheering
and applauding]
232
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,215
Thank you.
233
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,951
It's pronounced Ochmonek.
234
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,087
Well, I'll just call you Raquel.
235
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:05,290
So, what's your story, Raquel?
236
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,426
Well, the other day..
237
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,930
...I saw this in my
neighbor's back yard.
238
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:14,399
[audience laughs]
239
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,569
You saw a pile of
mashed potatoes?
240
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:22,340
Hey, it's me, only lumpier.
241
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,443
No, this is a model of the
space creature I saw.
242
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,345
Oh.
243
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,114
Must be from the planet Spud.
244
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,182
[audience laughs]
245
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,251
Well, I don't know what
planet it was from.
246
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:37,589
But it spoke English.
It said, "Oh, howdy, Raquel."
247
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,258
"Oh, howdy, Raquel?"
248
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,560
Must be from the southern
part of the universe.
249
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:47,899
Well, it sounds like you
had a close encounter
250
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,768
of the "ya-hoo" kind, huh?
251
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,203
[audience laughing]
252
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,273
This is a great show, huh?
253
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,174
No!
254
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,176
ALF he's being mean.
255
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,912
Really?
Well I didn't get that at all.
256
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,413
Did you, Brian?
257
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,115
Yes!
258
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,519
Huh! I must've been
thrown off by his subtlety.
259
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,756
Well..
260
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,758
...look who just dropped in!
261
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,628
It's Mr. Cuckoo.
262
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:19,164
And he's chosen
you for his mate.
263
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,033
Are you calling me cuckoo?
264
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:25,270
Well, let's find out. Are you
calling her cuckoo, Mr. Cuckoo?
265
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,971
Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.
266
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:30,108
[audience]
Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.
267
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,310
You're right! He is mean.
268
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,412
- I'm leaving.
- Where are you going?
269
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:38,316
The kitchen. I'm going on
a hunger strike in protest.
270
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,451
First, I'm gonna strike
the chocolate cake.
271
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,787
Then, I'm gonna dive
bomb the cheese log.
272
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:47,926
Tell me, Raquel.
273
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:51,830
Uh, do you have any physical
proof about what you saw?
274
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,498
Pictures? Footprints?
275
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,700
An English-Martian dictionary?
276
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,169
Just this.
277
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,737
Is that one of it's eggs.
278
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,439
No. No.
279
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,375
The creature took a bite out
of that avocado, you see?
280
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,812
Oh, no, it's the invasion of the
guacamole snatchers!
281
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:08,847
Whoo!
282
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,449
[audience laughing]
283
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,686
You're making, a
re you making fun of me?
284
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:17,188
I think, we'll take
our first caller.
285
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,391
Oh, howdy.
286
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,427
(ALF on speaker)
'Howdy, yourself.'
287
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,797
'I wanna say that Mrs. Ochmonek
knows what she's talking about.'
288
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,667
They're coming out of
the woodwork tonight.
289
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,436
[audience cheering]
290
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,137
(ALF)
'Aliens do exist.'
291
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,540
'And they've visited
this planet many times.'
292
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,476
'Although they
don't drink the water.'
293
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:42,380
That voice...it
sounds so familiar.
294
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,351
Folks, I'd like
to report a UFO.
295
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,720
An unidentified flaky object.
296
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,588
[audience laughing]
297
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,392
Well, listen, I couldn't
help noticing your hair.
298
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,762
Is that a toupee, or did
you sprout polyester?
299
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,299
It's ALF. It's him.
300
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,302
Hello? Hello?
301
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,672
He hung up on me.
302
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:11,042
ALF, what ever possessed
you to do such a thing?
303
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:15,346
Hey, somebody had to defend
Mrs. Ochmonek's honor.
304
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,583
Don't you realize what a
chance you were taking?
305
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,818
Things were getting
out of hand, Kate.
306
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:23,554
I just wanted to be
the voice of reason.
307
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:28,893
You missed it, ALF. They just
voted you cuckoo of the week.
308
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,128
Again?
309
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,070
Where's Lizard taking you?
310
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,072
Oh, to a science fiction movie.
311
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:42,774
Something about this
guy being shrunk
312
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,376
and then injected
into someone else.
313
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,211
Oh, that's not science fiction.
314
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:49,080
A friend of mine did that once.
315
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:52,650
He took a wrong turn and
got stuck in the guy's nose.
316
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,319
- ALF.
- Wait!
317
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,988
I didn't tell you the
good part, how he got out.
318
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,390
- See, what they had--
- We don't wanna know.
319
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,695
- 'Hi, dad.'
- 'Hi, honey.'
320
00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:04,829
Hi, honey.
321
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,833
What's the good word?
322
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,902
Oh, well, the good word is, uh..
323
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:13,237
...it looks like you're safe.
324
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:16,407
Trevor's going around taking
down all the posters.
325
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,110
Oh, heat's off?
I'll be at the beach.
326
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,579
- ALF.
- Well, I've got sun block.
327
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,582
You're staying right here.
328
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,453
What's the bad word?
329
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:29,620
Raquel.
330
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,889
I feel just terrible for her.
331
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,392
She's been so traumatized
by this whole experience
332
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,027
that she-she won't
talk to anyone.
333
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:39,530
She just sits in front the TV,
staring at the screen.
334
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:40,898
How's Trevor handling it?
335
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,800
Not very well.
336
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,670
He said he wanted
to go out for a long walk
337
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,573
Wanna search through
his feelings.
338
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:50,641
Possibly bowl a few games.
339
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,513
Isn't there something that we
could do for Mrs. Ochmonek?
340
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,282
I'll go have a talk with her.
341
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:01,085
Smart, spaceman. Real smart.
342
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,154
I have to do something.
343
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,356
The woman's a
turnip because of me.
344
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,825
I'm afraid that's true.
345
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:10,661
She, she thinks
she's lost her mind.
346
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,797
But I do exist.
347
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,400
I shed, therefore I am.
348
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:18,903
What do you think we should do?
349
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,839
Well, I don't know, honey.
Talk to her, be patient.
350
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,409
Convince her that
she didn't see an alien.
351
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,748
Well, let's face it.
I'm unforgettable.
352
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,255
[instrumental music on TV]
353
00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:02,013
[ALF humming]
354
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,150
Okay.
355
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:08,186
The ALF broadcasting company
356
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,388
is on the air.
357
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,663
Greetings, earth woman.
358
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,401
Yo, Raquel, can you hear me?
359
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,902
What's going on?
360
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,404
Take it easy.
361
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,373
I'm the alien you
saw the other day.
362
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:32,577
You remember me,
Mr. Potato head?
363
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:39,150
Oh, no. He's everywhere.
364
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:41,886
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Spacemen don't exist.
365
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,087
Everyone knows that.
366
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,722
We do exist.
367
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,558
The reason I'm doing this
is to show you that
368
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,394
you're still running
on all three cylinders.
369
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:53,564
Oh. Oh, please don't
do this to me.
370
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,334
I've just begun to
resume a normal life.
371
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,802
You call that normal?
372
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,538
Sitting around in
your bathrobe all day?
373
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:04,976
Where are you?
374
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:08,146
Uh, I'm out in space..
375
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:10,815
...deep, deep space.
376
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:14,218
Millions of light
years from earth.
377
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,187
Oh! A meteor shower!
378
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,421
[imitating explosion]
379
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,260
(Raquel on speaker)
'What do you want from me?'
380
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:26,364
Raquel, I want you to regain
your faith and imagination.
381
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:29,667
'Your, your girlish
love of life.'
382
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,869
Oh, and I want you
to take art lessons.
383
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,273
ALF, what are you doing?
384
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,008
Uh, n-n-no.
Do not adjust your set.
385
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,177
We are experience
technical difficulties.
386
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,379
[beeping]
387
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,815
ALF, you're only
gonna make things worse.
388
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:48,052
Au contraire.
I'm trying to help matters.
389
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,954
Now, just give me a chance.
390
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,389
Who are you talking to?
391
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,723
Uh, my crew.
392
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,059
Get back in the hold,
you lackeys.
393
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,862
Lackeys?
394
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,064
Well, if she sees you,
you'll ruin everything.
395
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,867
We're back.
396
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,736
Where did you go?
397
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,039
Uh, uh, Raquel, listen to me.
398
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,907
This is very important.
399
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,011
[instrumental music on recorder]
400
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,748
There are many
things in this universe
401
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,651
you are not meant to understand.
402
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,454
Now, that doesn't mean
they're not real.
403
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,022
I'm real.
404
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:28,059
And whether other
people believe you or not
405
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,927
you know I'm real.
406
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,896
Thank you.
407
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:35,833
[music stops]
408
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,670
Let me ask you something.
409
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,206
Why are you wearing
all those utensils?
410
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,676
Oh, oh, that's one of the things
411
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,979
you're not supposed
to understand.
412
00:20:47,981 --> 00:20:49,380
Uh, here's another one.
413
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,882
You should set a couple
of pumpkin pies
414
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:54,885
out on your back
porch once a week.
415
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:57,555
And never question
why they disappear.
416
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:01,926
Uh, twice a week!
417
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,527
Alright, I will.
418
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:04,829
Good girl!
419
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,098
Uh, also, I noticed you
don't have a cat.
420
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,634
Remedy that!
421
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:15,206
Uh, Yeah. Now, now, I must go.
422
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,642
So, uh, live long and prosper.
423
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:19,477
Uh, may the force be with you.
424
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:22,113
Uh, phone home.
Go ahead, make my day.
425
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,882
Oh. Oh, yeah, and don't
forget about those pies.
426
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:25,916
Bye!
427
00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:26,951
[beeps]
428
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:29,320
[sighs]
429
00:21:29,322 --> 00:21:31,188
Oh, thank you!
430
00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:39,263
Thank you, whoever you are.
431
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,165
[chuckles]
432
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:43,834
Trevor.
433
00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:48,239
- ALF.
- I know. I know.
434
00:21:48,241 --> 00:21:50,241
I did it again.
435
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:52,510
But I shouldn't have done it.
436
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:56,013
I, uh, I thought first
and spoke later.
437
00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:59,784
No, actually I spoke first
and thought later.
438
00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:02,253
Uh, what you did was..
439
00:22:02,255 --> 00:22:05,623
...you did a pretty nice thing
for Raquel, that's what you did.
440
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:09,193
Yeah, you did.
We're proud of you.
441
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:13,130
Yeah? I'm something, huh.
442
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:16,634
Hey, maybe, uh, maybe I should
get a Nobel peace prize.
443
00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:19,403
Wouldn't that look
nice on the mantel?
444
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:21,005
Oh, I don't know.
445
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:25,209
We might not have room for
your Cuckoo of the Week award.
446
00:22:25,211 --> 00:22:27,078
You're right. Forget it.
447
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,751
[instrumental music]
448
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:40,491
- Gin.
- Oh.
449
00:22:40,493 --> 00:22:41,726
- Yeah.
- No.
450
00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:42,760
What do you have?
451
00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:45,162
I've, nine, nineteen, twenty..
452
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,897
...thirty nine.
453
00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:51,102
Yeah, you owe me...$57,000.
454
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:55,506
Will you settle for a kiss?
455
00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:56,741
No.
456
00:22:58,144 --> 00:22:59,477
[knock on door]
457
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,412
(Trevor)
'Hey, Tanner.'
458
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:03,881
Uh, yeah, come on.
Come on in, Trevor.
459
00:23:05,418 --> 00:23:06,784
Did you see anybody take a
460
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:09,153
couple of pumpkin pies
from our back porch?
461
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:11,589
Uh, no.
462
00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:15,226
Uh, w-uh, how's Raquel?
463
00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:16,794
Is she back to normal?
464
00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:19,830
She claims the spaceman
called her on the TV
465
00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:22,500
and told her to
take art lessons.
466
00:23:22,502 --> 00:23:25,403
You call that normal?
467
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:27,104
But at least she's happy.
468
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,440
- Well, that's good news.
- Yeah.
469
00:23:29,442 --> 00:23:31,041
Sorry about those pies.
470
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:33,377
Nah, that's okay. We're going
out to dinner, anyway.
471
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:36,180
You want me to bring
you back a corn dog?
472
00:23:36,182 --> 00:23:40,885
Corn...uh, no, thanks, uh,
we-we'll see you later, Trevor.
473
00:23:40,887 --> 00:23:41,919
Got ya.
474
00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:45,222
ALF!
475
00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:49,760
Did somebody mention corn dogs?
476
00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:57,334
[instrumental music]
477
00:24:24,931 --> 00:24:28,132
[instrumental music]
36847
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