All language subtitles for ALF.S02E02.The.Ballad.of.Gilligans.Island.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-DAWN_track3_[eng]

[drilling]

ALF.

Oh, moolai mucka hucka cahoona,
eh, eh, eh, eh, eh!

What're you doing with my drill?

- Drilling holes.
- What for?

So I can get the straws
in these coconuts.

Want a hit?

I suppose this means
there's another

"Gilligan's Island"
rerun tonight.

Yeah, ship sets sail
for that uncharted desert isle

momentarily.

I think you're overdoing
this whole Gilligan thing.

Why? 'Cause I'm making
a couple of Skipper coladas?

What about the bamboo furniture
you ordered for your room?

Hey, I sent it back.

Wasn't even real bamboo.

It was that nauga-boo.

(Brian)
'ALF, it's time for Gilligan.'

Be right with you,
little buddy.

Gotta run, Willie.
Gilligan's on.

Yeah, you better hurry,
if you miss this episode

you'll have to wait three weeks
until it's on again.

You know, it's people like you

who drive quality programming
off the air.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

¶ So join us here
each week my friend ¶

¶ You're sure to get a smile ¶

¶ From seven
stranded castaways ¶

¶ Here on Gilligan's isle ¶¶

Bravo! Author! Author!

Powerful episode.

- Gilligan's so funny.
- You're telling me?

Chaplin, Keaton, Gilligan..

The great ones
make it look so easy.

Brian, it's time
to get ready for bed.

- Now?
- Come on, Kate.

The kid just watched
"Gilligan's Island."

He needs time
for the nuances to soak in.

They can soak in
in the bath tub.

Aye, aye, mom.

Hey, Kate, did I ever tell you

how much you remind me
of Ginger?

[sighs]

Wow, that's the same look
of disdain

that Ginger gives Gilligan.

That was a compliment.

Boy, she's no fun.

Hey, Willie, we have to talk.

Yeah, speak to me.

"Gilligan's Island."

Why do you think life there
is so much more exciting

than life in..

...oh...let's say this house.

Oh, ALF, you have fun here.

Sure.
When "Gilligan's Island" is on.

That's four hours
every day right there.

I'm trying to make a point here
and you're doing jokes.

Oh, well, by all means then.
Pontificate.

What kind of pie is that?

- Apple.
- Cliche in a crust.

Why did you have
six pieces of it at supper?

The question is
why didn't I have eight?

Because it is boring, man.

Just like everything else
around here.

Not like on "Gilligan's Island"

where every day is topped off

by one of Mary Ann's

coconut cream pies.

ALF, I'm not
going to waste my time

trying to analyze
why you find real life

more boring than some
ludicrous situation comedy.

[gasps]
How erudite.

Reminiscent of the professor.

If you're bored with your pie,
can I have it?

Guess not.

So anyway see, this big fat

native girl
from the next island

eats Ginger's lipstick.

Then before Gilligan
could marry her--

W-wait, wait. Don't tell me.

She goes back
to her own island.

And she leaves
the castaways stranded.

Did I give the ending
away somewhere?

That's how every episode ends.

They never leave the island.

Well, I must've
overlooked the pattern.

But don't overlook the idea

that you can leave this room.

She's right, ALF.
The fun's over for tonight.

The fun never stops
on "Gilligan's Island."

Unlike some other places,
where the fun stopped

during the Eisenhower
administration.

Just go to sleep.

I can't.

I tried counting castaways

jumping over palm trees

but the Skipper's
not the best of leapers.

If you'll let us get some sleep

I promise you

we'll get back
to this Gilligan business

first thing tomorrow and maybe

maybe we'll even build you
a little lagoon, all your own.

You'd do that for me?

Yes, and then maroon you

on the opposite shore.

Fine with me. Aloha.

Hey, if you need some excitement
you know where to look.

Where's that?

Wherever you hear this song..

¶ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ¶

¶ A tale of a fateful trip ¶

¶ That started
from a tropic port ¶

¶ Aboard this tiny ship ¶

¶ The mate was a mighty
sailing man ¶

¶ The Skipper
brave and sure.. ¶¶

Willie, there's something wrong
with the bathtub.

Oh, it's probably clogged
with ALF's hair again.

He just refuses
to vacuum himself

before he takes a bath.

No, it's-it's the faucet.

- There's no water coming out.
- There's..

Well, there's
no water here either.

(ALF)
'Hey, could you turn that off?'

'I'm losing pressure out here.'

Say, what exactly
are you doing out there?

(ALF)
'It's a surprise.'

- He said surprise.
- The dreaded S word.

- 'ALF, what are you--'
- 'Watch it, Willie!'

- 'It's a little slippery.'
- 'Whoa!'

[splash]

(ALF)
'Surprise.'

Well, what do you think?

I don't believe it.

Willie's swimming
in the lagoon I built.

It's just like the one
on "Gilligan's Island."

From now on, life around here

will be much more exciting.

You..

Ah!

See? It's exciting already.

How would you like
to be buried at sea?

You're not happy
about this, are you?

Just tell us why you did it.

- It was Willie's idea.
- What?

Don't try to worm your way
out of this one.

You said we'd build a lagoon.

I said we'd build
a little lagoon

not the great Tanner reef!

Okay. Okay, I misunderstood.

I'm sorry. I made a boo-boo.

A boo-boo?

I want my yard
back the way it was.

I want trees I can trim.

I want grass I can mow.

No water and no hut!

And you are gonna stay
right here

until I get it!

Have I made myself clear?

What? Are you talking to me?

I'm talking directly to you.

Fine, fine!

If that's what you want,
I'll turn the land of adventure

back into dulls-ville.

Immeditaley.

He seems pretty upset, Kate.

You start shoveling,
I'll go have a talk with him.

Right. You talk to him.

He listens to you.

Load 16 tons, what do you get?

Another day older
and deeper in debt.

Whoa! I'm sweating.

First time in 60 years.

ALF, I brought you
some lemonade.

Thanks. This lagoon water
tastes a little brackish.

Well, how much longer is it
gonna take you to fill it in?

- Six weeks.
- Six weeks?

It only took you
one night to dig it up.

Yeah, but I wanted to do that.

This is painful to me.

Have you ever had
to cover your dreams

with a big pile of dirt?

Well, I once had to bury
my pet turtle that died.

Oh, this one?

Does it say greetings
from Miami on it?

No. "Carlsbad Caverns."

Oh, that was Brian's.

Sic transit gloria mundi.

Well, I better
let you get back to work.

Yeah. Yeah.

Work. Work!
Oh, this isn't work.

This is fun.

What're you talking about?

Lynn, I'm talking
about the thrill

of back-breaking manual labor.

Huh, my only regret is that
you can't share this thrill.

Hey. Hey, wait a minute.

Why don't I let you shovel
a couple of metric tons?

Goodnight, ALF.

Gilligan would've
fallen for that.

Well, break time.

[yawning]

[instrumental music]

I must've slept
through the night.

Hey, where's my shovel?

Where's my house?

(Gilligan)
Skipper.

Skipper, can I fish too?

It's Gilligan.

The Skipper, too.

Sshh, Gilligan,
you'll scare the fish.

- Oh! Ah!
- Sshh.

You'll scare the fish.

I'm here on Gilligan's isle.

[instrumental music]

"Gilligan's Island."

I'm in rerun heaven.

I bet I catch a big one.

Gilligan!

Skipper, what happened
to your hat?

You're using it for bait.

Oh, I'll get it back for you,
Skipper.

Don't worry, here..

Gilligan.

You idiot!

[laughing]
You guys are hilarious.

Encore. Encore! Yeah!

- Who are you?
- I'm ALF.

Your biggest fan.

I worship the sand you walk on.

- Where did you come from?
- Melmac.

Melmac. Is that anywhere
near Bora Bora?

[laughing]
You guys never stop.

Hey, hey, where are the others?

- What others?
- The others, you know..

¶ The millionaire and his wife ¶

¶ A movie star ¶¶

Oh, them well, Ginger and
Howell's built a country club

on the other side of the island,
but they won't let us in.

They won't let you in, Gilligan.

Not through the front door,
but sometimes I caddy.

Well, what about
the Professor and Mary Ann?

Oh, well,
they're still around, they've..

Hey, wait a minute.

How do you know about all of us?

Yeah, wait a minute. How do you
know about all of us?

I just said that, Gilligan.

I thought it sounded familiar.

[laughing]
Oh, I never get tired of that.

I get tired of it.

Hey, Gilligan,
tell me something.

Mary Ann is really cute.

How come you never
asked her out?

Where would we go?

[laughing]
"Where would we go?"

This little fellow is easily
amused, Gilligan.

- I like him.
- Gilligan!

Skipper. Oh!
Lunch is ready.

Well, I see
we have another visitor.

It's Mary Ann...and lunch.

Two of my favorite things.

Oh, Mary Ann, this is ALF.
He's from Melmac.

How come everybody
can get to this island

and none of us
can ever get off?

- Really?
- Hmm.

I must've overlooked
the pattern.

[ALF laughing]

Let's eat. Come on, ALF.

Lunch with the castaways.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Mary Ann, did you make
one of your famous

coconut cream pies?

No. They won't let me
make them anymore.

You see, I noticed
our blood sugar levels

were getting dangerously high.

Plus the fact we were
sick to death of them.

You never told me that.

I was remiss.

Anyway, today
we're having mangoes.

- Oh!
- Wow. Mangoes.

- We're sick of mangoes too.
- Oh, I like mangoes.

I'm just sick of making
dental floss for you people.

I get the feeling
you people aren't happy.

We're not. We're bored.

You know we've been doing
the same thing

day in and day out for 23 years?

Yeah, how would you like
to listen to the Skipper's

boring old navy stories
over and over and over?

I thought you liked
my navy stories.

I was a good sailor.

Oh, we're all familiar
with your

nautical record, Skipper.

You're, uh, 0 and 1, I believe.

You see, you have
one little shipwreck

and they never
let you forget it.

Well, you guys
should be grateful.

You're here
on Gilligan's Island.

Are you kidding?

Why, we'd be outta here
in a minute

if smarty pants over here
can figure out a way

for us to get off this rock!

Don't blame me.

Every time I devise a plan

it's ruined by that
hebetudinous sidekick of yours.

- Hebetudinous?
- Addlepated.

Oh.

Why, you can't call

my little buddy addlepated.

Will you stop
calling me little buddy?

I'm in my 40's,
for crying out loud.

Stop it, you people
are supposed to be funny

and friendly and-and wacky.

This is our island. You can't
tell us when to be wacky.

Yeah, who died and made you
King Kamehameha?

Hey, I know something
that'll keep you from fighting.

- A sing-along.
- Oh!

Come on, yeah!

¶ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ¶

Everybody!

¶ A tale of a fateful trip ¶

- Sing!
- We don't feel like singing!

But it's about you guys.

"The mate was a mighty
sailor man.

The skipper brave and sure."

"The skipper brave and sure."

More like big and fat.

How would you like
a big fat fist in your face?

Alright, forget the sing-along.

Uh, let's re-enact the time

when the head-hunter
came to the island.

Now I'll be the head-hunter

and Gilligan could be Gilligan.

I've got a better idea.

Let's re-enact the time
that ALF came to the island

to help us dig.

You be ALF and start digging.

I'm not gonna dig.

I refuse to dig. I won't dig.

I won't. I won't.
I won't. I won't.

- What am I digging here?
- Filling in a lagoon.

Yeah, we're gonna build
a miniature golf course.

And we're not gonna let
the Howell's play on it.

Shall I go get your club,
Skipper?

Oh, Gilligan,
it's not ready yet.

It'll take a couple of months.

Come on,
let the furry little guy work.

It's almost time
for our favorite TV show.

- You have a TV?
- Oh, yeah.

I rigged one up using some
bamboo

a couple of coconut shells

and a 19 inch picture tube

that washed up on the shore.

I even built a VCR.

Yeah, but all our tapes
are beta.

Hey, Gilligan,
digging's really fun.

- You wanna do some?
- Forget it.

Even Gilligan won't fall for it.

- 'What was that for?'
- 'Yeah, I just felt like it.'

Wonder if the Howell's
need a fourth for golf.

Sit down, professor,
I can't see.

I'm adjusting the vertical hold.

Vertical hold?
Looks like a coconut to me.

Give me the hat, Skipper.

(male #1 on TV)
'And now it's time
for the adventures'

'of the Tanner family.'

Tanner family?

(male #1)
'Starring Willie Tanner as dad'

'Kate Tanner as mom,
Lynn Tanner as their daughter'

'and Brian Tanner as himself.'

'This week's episode..'

'...Brian takes a bath.'

Oh, boy, this is my favorite.

I haven't had
a bath in 23 years.

[together]
We know.

That meat loaf
was delicious, mom.

Well, I hope you have room
for some apple pie.

[together]
Oh!

Apple pie.

I haven't had that in 23 years.

Ah, that meat loaf
sounds so delicious too.

I'd like to have
something to eat that didn't

fall out of a tree.

I think I'll get
a glass of water.

Oh, imagine, water you don't
have to draw from a well.

Oh, look, Willie's wearing
a different shirt this week.

I haven't worn a different
shirt in--

- Ah, we know. We know.
- We know.

Can I have some water, dad?

You can have
lots of water, son.

You're taking a bath.

[all laughing]

How does Willie
come up with that stuff?

The great one's
make it look so easy.

- Why was that funny?
- Why was that funny?

These are the most entertaining
people in the world

and you ask why was it funny?

Besides, they can
do things we only dream of.

Oh, they eat balanced meals.

They change their clothes.

They don't hit
each other with hats.

Well, actually
they are pretty entertaining.

Can I watch a little?

Don't you have
some dirt to shovel?

I can shovel dirt back home.

You are home.

You're a castaway now,
fuzzy buddy.

Forever.

I don't wanna be a castaway.

I thought this place
would be fun.

Now I realize, it's only fun
in half hour chunks.

But you wanted to be
on "Gilligan's Island."

That's where the fun
never stops.

Remember?

Remember?

Remember?

I was wrong. I wanna go home.

I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.

I wanna go home.
Wanna go home.

Wanna go home.
Wanna go home.

Wanna go home.
Wanna go home.

- I wanna go home.
- ALF, wake up.

Hey.

Oh, Willie, you came all the way
out here to rescue me.

It wasn't really
all that far, ALF.

I was just in the kitchen.

Oh. Well, listen.

I was wrong.

Adventure isn't on some
uncharted desert isle.

It's right here
in your own backyard.

What's left of it.

That's good to hear, ALF.

I'll see you later.

Well, don't I get
to come with you?

What about all that mindless
treacle I just oozed?

As treacle goes,
that was pretty sweet.

Too bad it didn't
fill up the hole.

Get to work.

I hate this place.

[instrumental music]

[burps]

Delicious meat loaf, Kate.
Best I've ever had.

Best anyone's ever had.
Best in the world.

Simply the best.

Thank you, ALF.
Would you like some pie?

- What kind?
- Coconut cream.

Pass.

Oh, hi, I'm sorry
I'm late for dinner.

[laughing]
"Sorry I'm later for dinner."

Willie, you're a scream.

How does he come up
with that stuff?

- What stuff?
- Ha! Oh, there he goes again.

- What is wrong with you?
- Uh, wrong? Nothing's wrong.

I'm the happiest alien on Earth.

What could possibly
be wrong here?

In the fun-filled,
action packed Tanner household.

How's the backyard coming?

Uh, well, uh..

I'd-I'd like to discuss
that with you at length

and, uh,
later would be a good time.

He's been watching "Bonanza."

I'll, uh,
return the stage coach tomorrow.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[ALF laughing]