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1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,670
For heaven's sake..
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:07,639
Kate, you're not selling
my ship in a bottle, are you?
3
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:08,841
If we're lucky.
4
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:10,542
But I...I love that ship.
5
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,978
It-it's the Nina.
6
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,948
Willie, the whole reason
we're having a garage sale
7
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,683
is to get rid of things.
8
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,518
Well, we don't have to be
fanatics about it.
9
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,723
Listen, I've been
going over the bills.
10
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,693
Someone should take
your credit cards away.
11
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,861
Give me those.
12
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,295
Is that a typo?
13
00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:32,965
An $11,000 balloon payment?
14
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:35,134
No, it's accurate.
15
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,935
You guys are
getting ripped off.
16
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:39,972
You can get a whole package
of balloons for 69 cents.
17
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,442
No, no, ALF, seven years ago
18
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,978
we took out
a mortgage on the house.
19
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:48,280
Just to buy a balloon?
20
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,349
Look, could we not talk
about this right now?
21
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:53,118
We've only got a week to get
ready for the garage sale.
22
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,620
You're selling the garage?
23
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,155
(Willie and Kate)
No!
24
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,991
Well, that's good because
we're gonna need someplace
25
00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:00,926
to store that balloon.
26
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,598
[theme music]
27
00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:39,031
[music continues]
28
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,027
[instrumental music]
29
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,064
So you understand
what a balloon payment is?
30
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,332
Yeah.
31
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,000
And you know what
a garage sale is?
32
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:17,336
- Yeah.
- Good.
33
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,739
Now, can you explain
secular humanism again?
34
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,475
No.
35
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,545
Hey, you're not
selling that, are you?
36
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,715
- I'm afraid so.
- Too bad.
37
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,183
It'd be a great bottle
if it weren't
38
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,852
for the ship stuck in it.
39
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,687
It's a Nina.
40
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:39,858
Well, sorry, on Melmac
we didn't name our bottles.
41
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:42,895
It doesn't matter.
42
00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:44,863
We're selling it anyway.
43
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,865
This house payment's hanging
over your head, isn't it?
44
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:50,602
No, we're just trying to clear
away a little extra space.
45
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,138
Level with me.
46
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,907
You're on the skids, aren't you?
47
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,375
No.
48
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:59,044
Dad, mom wants me
to sell Muffy Bear.
49
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,646
And Scooter.
50
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,080
No!
51
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:05,751
Now, look, we've got
to be strong about this.
52
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:09,755
Not my hockey stick. No!
53
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,293
Knock, knock.
54
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:17,296
- Who's there?
- Hi, kids.
55
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,698
- "Hi kids," who?
- Hi, grandma.
56
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,701
Stop it.
You're ruining the joke.
57
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,736
Excuse me, kids,
I love you very much
58
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,239
but there's something
I've gotta watch on TV.
59
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:30,209
- What?
- A horse race.
60
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,945
(man on TV)
'...with Fast Grand
showing the way by a length..'
61
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:34,613
Hi, mom,
oh, good, you brought
62
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,381
some more
stuff for the garage sale.
63
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,383
Shh! Come on,
Smooth As Butter!
64
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,053
Come on,
Smooth As Butter!
65
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,888
Mom, do you have money
on that horse?
66
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,189
(man on TV)
'...the final eighth
of a mile'
67
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,724
'and it's Smooth As Butter..'
68
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:49,895
Whoo! Whoo! Yeah. I won.
69
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:53,098
Mom, since when do you
bet on horses?
70
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,067
All my life.
71
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:58,770
Ha! That's funny. I-I can't
picture you at a race track.
72
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:03,108
I could picture
her running. Ha! Ha!
73
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,043
I wonder how long
it would take
74
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,846
to pull the hair
out of your body?
75
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,016
About two hours.
76
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:14,419
Mom, how come you never
took me to a race track?
77
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,488
I never go to a race track.
78
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,757
You meet
an unsavory element there.
79
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,760
- I bet with a bookie.
- Ah!
80
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,729
They're not unsavory.
81
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:28,200
Forgive my ignorance,
but what's a bookie?
82
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,302
An unsavory element.
83
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,771
You mean like oregano?
84
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:37,542
Nick The Fish
is not unsavory.
85
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:40,379
"Nick The Fish?"
86
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,814
You bet with a fish?
87
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,218
- Oh, hi, Dorothy.
- Hi, Willie.
88
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:49,121
Willie, did you know
my mother bets on horses?
89
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,956
Yeah.
90
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,191
So how much did
you win, grandma?
91
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:54,693
Three hundred bucks!
92
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,262
Hey, that's even better
than last week.
93
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:58,764
Well, that's fine, mom.
94
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,599
But I mean,
what if you had lost?
95
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:03,268
Hey, it's my money.
96
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,271
But it's our inheritance.
97
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:09,708
For your information, I'm
planning to leave all my money
98
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,010
to the alien task force.
99
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,613
Sure, punish
your grandchildren.
100
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,415
Oh, leave us out of this.
101
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,850
- That's her plan.
- Come on, mom.
102
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,019
Let's take this stuff
in the kitchen and tag it.
103
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,654
I'll give you a hand
with these old clothes.
104
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,223
Yeah, I've, I've got
fliers to make.
105
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:28,026
Well, I might as well
make myself useful.
106
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,595
Hold on, Dorothy.
107
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:34,099
Can you make a lot of money
with this horse racing thing?
108
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,201
Only if you win.
109
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,502
No problem.
110
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,971
Put me in for 50 bucks.
111
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,907
Where did you get 50 bucks?
112
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,942
Have you been going
through my purse again?
113
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:47,846
Yes, but that's not
where I got the money.
114
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,882
By the way,
you're out of Tic-Tacs.
115
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,318
Where did you get
the 50 bucks?
116
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,153
Rebate coupons.
117
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:58,123
Anyway, if you'll just
slip 50 to Mr. Fish--
118
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:01,993
- Mintz.
- No, thanks. I just brushed.
119
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:05,497
His name is Nick Mintz
120
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,433
and I'm not gonna
place any bets for you.
121
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:10,669
I'm not doing this for me!
122
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,972
No, you're raising
money for charity.
123
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,242
Oh, excellent comeback, Dorothy.
124
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:20,879
Well, if you must know
it's for a balloon payment..
125
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:25,684
...which, by the way, has
nothing to do with a balloon.
126
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:28,053
Well, I don't care
what it has to do with.
127
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,723
I am still not gonna place
any bets for you.
128
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,793
And it was a dynamite comeback.
129
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:40,365
Once again...
left to my own devices.
130
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,769
[instrumental music]
131
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:48,540
Don't you believe in knocking?
132
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,810
- This is our room.
- I know that.
133
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,546
Uh, what may I ask
are you doing in here?
134
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,948
I have to make a private call.
135
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,884
Now, you two
just go back in there
136
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:01,453
and do whatever you were doing.
137
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:05,957
- We were brushing our teeth.
- No need to cover.
138
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:10,061
I think it's great that you kids
still keep the flames burning.
139
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,298
Thanks for the feedback.
140
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,733
Now, will you leave?
141
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:17,202
Yeah, after my call.
142
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,805
Who are you calling
at this time of the night?
143
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:22,941
Do I pry
into your personal life?
144
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,878
Look, it's kind of a surprise.
145
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,114
What did we say about surprises?
146
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,584
I know, but it's
a good surprise.
147
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,320
Just trust me.
148
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,956
- Please?
- Okay.
149
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:41,493
- Two minutes.
- Thanks.
150
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,895
Oh, and close
the door behind ya.
151
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,701
[door slams]
152
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,678
Hello? Is this The Fish?
153
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,745
Great.
154
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,814
Listen, you don't know me
155
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:06,651
but I'm a friend
of Dorothy Halligan's.
156
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,420
Yeah, big red.
157
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:11,690
Listen, if I send you 50 bucks
158
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:16,495
can you turn that
into $11,000?
159
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:20,131
No problem.
I've got till Saturday.
160
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,267
(man on radio)
'They're racing stride
for stride in this race.
161
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:24,302
'It's Out Of Body Experience
by a neck'
162
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,505
'but here's Naughty Nina
on the outside.'
163
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:29,774
'Here comes Naughty Nina
and Out Of Body Experience'
164
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,410
'and it's Naughty Nina
by a nose!'
165
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,346
Alright! Yeah!
166
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,414
[indistinct radio chatter]
167
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:40,151
'...Out Of Body Experience..'
168
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,521
Nick? ALF.
169
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,456
Yeah, I was listening.
170
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:45,824
Not bad, huh?
171
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:48,527
Fifty bucks at 6 to 1 odds?
172
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:52,397
Let's see, that means I won..
173
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,765
...three million dollars!
174
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,067
Wow! Yea..
175
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,104
What? Three hundred dollars?
176
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:02,307
Oh. Well, uh, let it ride.
177
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,643
(man on radio)
'...and it's Cat Killer
by half a length.'
178
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,810
Yeah!
179
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,046
I've got the Midas touch.
180
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,983
Okay, Nick, yeah, let's go
fifties on four in the fifth
181
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,486
five in the sixth,
six in the seventh
182
00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:16,288
and seven in the eighth.
183
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:18,723
Then, at Hialeah,
what I'd like to do is..
184
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,759
So, that's a C-note
on the double
185
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,861
then one each
on the two exactas.
186
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,729
Yeah, a deuce on the quinella
187
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,665
and a half on the perfecta.
188
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,568
And remember,
nothing on the pick six.
189
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,403
I don't wanna seem greedy.
190
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:35,340
Thanks. And my best
to the fish-wife.
191
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,749
Kate, I think your neighbors
192
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,718
are having
a garage sale today, too.
193
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,553
You're kidding.
The Ochmoneks?
194
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,755
Yeah, they got a couple
of beat-up chairs
195
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,091
and an old sofa
out on their front lawn.
196
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:57,062
Oh, yeah, that's
the way it always looks.
197
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,397
Mom, how come dad's
hockey stick's not out there?
198
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,666
Well, it should be.
I know I put it out there.
199
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,468
Oh, it's right
next to the bottle
200
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:06,338
with the Mayflower in it.
201
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,509
It's not the Mayflower,
it's the Nina.
202
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:14,613
Hey, come here, Willie.
I want you to see this race.
203
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:17,215
Oh, I haven't got time to watch
a horse race now, ALF.
204
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,518
Not a race, this is the race.
205
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,055
This is the one that's
gonna make you very happy.
206
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,090
(man on TV)
'...ending on the outside..'
207
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,792
Keep your eye on number nine.
208
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,895
You mean,
the one that just fell down?
209
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:35,033
Uh, yeah.
That's the one.
210
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,869
- He's not getting up.
- He will. He will.
211
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,672
Maybe he dropped something.
212
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,407
Well, at least
the jockey is okay.
213
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,210
Who cares? Get up!
214
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,679
Get up!
215
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,047
Well, thank you, ALF.
216
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:53,051
If you'll excuse me,
I have to put these away.
217
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,894
Nick! ALF.
218
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,530
Does that race count?
219
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,798
Alright, alright.
220
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,034
How much am I up?
221
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:12,037
Oh, well, then,
how much am I down?
222
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,875
Oh. Well, I have
to make it back fast.
223
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,044
Put 2000 on..
224
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:23,214
What? What do you mean
I can't bet anymore?
225
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,984
No! No, there's no reason
for you to come over here.
226
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:29,521
Uh, I'll be happy to put
a check in the mail.
227
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,290
Hello? Hello?
228
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,760
Kate.
229
00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:38,063
- Quick question.
- Yeah?
230
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,498
Hypothetical situation..
231
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:44,335
...an individual places a bet
with a, a professional bookie
232
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:47,038
okay, for a sizable
amount of money.
233
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,910
Let's say, uh, $6000..
234
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,278
...and he loses it
235
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,381
and he can't
cover his losses.
236
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,149
Hypothetically..
237
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,552
...what could happen
to this individual?
238
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:04,322
Well, hypothetically, he could
have his legs broken.
239
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,092
Why do you ask?
240
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:11,396
Just making conversation.
241
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:15,467
Well, I'm...
glad we had this talk.
242
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,471
Get up!
243
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,275
[instrumental music]
244
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:33,952
You think I can get
six grand for this?
245
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,920
More like a quarter.
246
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,922
Well, it's a start.
247
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,324
ALF, these are your
favorite things.
248
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:40,959
What do you want to
sell them for?
249
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,495
I wanna do my part
for the garage sale.
250
00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:47,565
Help the family out of
their financial troubles..
251
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,300
...by 5 o'clock.
252
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:52,670
ALF, we don't have
any financial troubles.
253
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,572
- We do now.
- What?
254
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:55,507
Nothing.
255
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:57,776
Here's some more
of your stuff, ALF.
256
00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,277
Oh, look, a slinky.
257
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,249
Careful! Don't get
a kink in that.
258
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:07,418
I need to get 500 bucks for it.
259
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,720
You won't.
260
00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:10,688
Yeah? Well, what about this?
261
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:14,759
A genuine Melmacian
survival knife.
262
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:19,964
There's no blade.
263
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,700
Well, life on Melmac
wasn't that tough.
264
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:25,904
ALF, you have some
really nice things here, but..
265
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:28,273
...I really don't think
they're worth all that much.
266
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,743
Alright, I was hoping
I wouldn't have
267
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:36,181
to part with this but,
uh...here it is.
268
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:39,951
My collection
of bouillabaseball cards.
269
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,753
What's bouillabaseball?
270
00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:46,424
It's like regular baseball,
only you throw fish parts.
271
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:51,296
- Which parts?
- What difference does it make?
272
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,198
How much will you
give me for this?
273
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:57,335
- Nothing.
- Wait! Don't answer yet.
274
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:01,339
What if I threw in an attractive
12 piece set of cookware?
275
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,107
Now, what would you pay?
276
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:06,744
- Mm. Three dollars.
- Sold.
277
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:09,747
- ALF, I'm not buying that.
- We had a deal!
278
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,149
I didn't mean I'd buy it.
279
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,185
I just thought you wanted
to know what it was worth.
280
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,589
You're right. I did.
281
00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:18,790
Sorry.
282
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,361
Do you really need
to go to college?
283
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,665
[instrumental music]
284
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,408
Kate, we haven't
sold one thing.
285
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,711
Well, it's-it's, uh,
only been an hour.
286
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,548
Maybe we should've
served food.
287
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,384
Mom, this is
a garage sale, not a luau.
288
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,387
Well..
289
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,155
Kate, nobody's buying anything.
290
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,324
I know that!
291
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:56,294
It's just an observation.
292
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:59,430
I'm gonna see if we have
anything in the refrigerator.
293
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,766
(female #1)
Excuse me.
294
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,868
I have a question about
the price on this lamp.
295
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,236
It's negotiable.
296
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,437
Well, I hope so.
297
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:07,972
A thousand dollars
is ridiculous.
298
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:10,975
- A thousand dollars?
- There must be some mistake.
299
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:14,045
Uh, th-this looks like the
handwriting of a-a two-year-old.
300
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,681
Or someone much, much older.
301
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,550
Uh, pardon me, but, uh,
you can't really be charging
302
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,953
$2,500 for this coffee pot.
303
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,555
You can have two and a half
lamps for that price.
304
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,458
Uh, we are willing
to come down.
305
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,061
I'll give you five bucks.
306
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,262
[scoffs]
307
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,630
You expect us to come down
308
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:36,367
from twenty-five hundred dollars
to five?
309
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,669
Let's look next door.
310
00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:40,271
I saw a nice sofa
on the lawn.
311
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,375
Kate. Kate. Are you
out of your mind?
312
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,978
Thirty-four hundred dollars
for steak knives?
313
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:50,515
I think this could explain
why the sales have been slow.
314
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:54,152
Maybe you don't understand
the concept of a garage sale.
315
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,355
Uh, mom, uh, could you check,
uh, the rest of the prices
316
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:00,191
while Willie and I
go in the house and investigate.
317
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,492
Well, I..
318
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:06,297
Excuse me, ma'am..
319
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,833
...do you have any more
of these $800 screwdrivers?
320
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,639
- ALF!
- ALF!
321
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,374
- ALF!
- Oh, where is he?
322
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,709
(ALF)
'Down here!'
323
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,080
(Willie)
'Well, what are you doing
down there?'
324
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,381
Shaking.
325
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,952
Come on out.
We know what you did.
326
00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,022
You do?
327
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:33,791
Just tell us why you did it?
328
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,494
I was trying to make
a little money.
329
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,197
Where did you get
such a crazy idea?
330
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,999
From your mother.
331
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,035
- It was her bookie.
- Bookie? What bookie?
332
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,237
[doorbell rings]
333
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,539
That bookie.
334
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,609
What does a bookie have
to do with our garage sale?
335
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:55,213
Kate, do I have to fill in
all the blanks?
336
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:56,247
Just stay here.
337
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,016
Uh, we'll talk about this later.
338
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,084
No! No, don't answer it!
339
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,719
- Let go, ALF.
- No!
340
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:02,954
Get o-o-off!
341
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,926
My life isn't worth
a plugged nickel.
342
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,231
Willie, what is going on?
343
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,732
I have no idea.
344
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,969
Maybe your mother's bookie
will know.
345
00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:20,505
ALF Tanner, Nicky Mintz.
346
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,974
Hi. Kate, this is Mr. Mintz.
347
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:25,009
Call me Nick.
348
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:26,044
The Fish.
349
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,845
Whatever makes you comfortable.
350
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,814
ALF, you sound
different in person.
351
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,115
You got a cold too?
352
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:32,383
Uh, no, no.
353
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,385
I've been sick for a month.
354
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,654
Been taking everything.
Nothing works.
355
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,556
Uh, have you tried
lemon juice and honey?
356
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,925
You know, my wife
suggested that
357
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:44,162
but I can't digest citrus.
358
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,197
You can try the honey
without the lemon.
359
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,100
Yeah, maybe I'll try that.
360
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,536
So, where's my money?
361
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,338
Your money?
362
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,308
Come on, ALF,
just give me the six grand
363
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,610
so I can go home
and use the vaporizer.
364
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:04,148
Six grand?
365
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:07,051
You think I placed
a bet with you
366
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:11,789
and now I owe you $6,000?
367
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:16,027
Yeah, that's the general idea!
368
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,866
Come on, give me the money.
369
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,067
Bless you.
370
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,802
Thank you.
371
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:28,706
Mr. Mintz, I'm afraid
I don't have $6,000.
372
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,443
You'll find it.
373
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,512
Because if you don't find it
374
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:39,684
well...let's keep
that...hypothetical.
375
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,719
[shatters]
376
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,621
[sneezes]
377
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,990
I should take better care
of myself.
378
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:54,465
Willie...where are we
gonna find $6,000?
379
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,968
Maybe somebody will
buy the folding chairs.
380
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:03,474
I, Gordon Shumway,
being of sound mind and--
381
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,110
I beg to differ.
382
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,079
Well, I re-tagged everything.
383
00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:09,881
Now, who changed the prices?
384
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:13,084
Oh, we have rounded up
the usual suspect.
385
00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:14,519
He placed a bet
with your bookie
386
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:15,920
and lost six grand!
387
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,288
Uh..
388
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:21,025
When you say it,
it sounds so sleazy.
389
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:24,162
And now,
the mob is after him!
390
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:27,031
Well, at least some
good came out of this.
391
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,800
What are you guys
doing in here?
392
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:32,837
- Yelling at ALF.
- Is he in trouble again?
393
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,105
Yeah.
394
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:35,573
What does it involve this time?
395
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,842
Food or money?
396
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,645
Have I become that predictable?
397
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,747
This time, he seems
to have incurred
398
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:45,116
a rather large gambling debt.
399
00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:48,486
Yeah and your grandmother
is largely responsible.
400
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,788
- What? Me?
- Yeah.
401
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,990
You introduced me
to horse racing
402
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:57,662
knowing full well
how obsessive-compulsive I am.
403
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,698
I depend on you people
to protect me from myself.
404
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,000
I have a response to that.
405
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,736
But it's not
an informed response.
406
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:10,474
Look, I did what I did
for good reason.
407
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:13,578
To keep you people
out of the poorhouse.
408
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,147
By getting us
hopelessly in debt?
409
00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:18,115
Good strategy.
410
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,385
Well, how did you expect
to make that balloon payment?
411
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,488
With this pitiful
garage sale of yours?
412
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,725
By the way,
did the steak knives go?
413
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,595
ALF, we put aside
the money
414
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:34,465
for the balloon payment
a long time ago.
415
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:38,836
Oh. Well, can I
borrow six grand of it?
416
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:42,406
I can help.
I have almost $6 saved up.
417
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,008
And I've got a little money.
418
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,676
No one in this family
is giving money
419
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,012
to ALF to cover
his gambling losses.
420
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:51,382
- Dad, he was trying to help.
- Oh, you're right.
421
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:52,416
You're right.
422
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,118
ALF, will 6,000 be enough?
423
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,453
Or, uh, shall we advance you
424
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,122
for the next time
you try to help?
425
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:00,057
Thanks for the sarcasm, Willie.
426
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:04,595
Somewhere out there is
a meat hook with my name on it!
427
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,464
[doorbell rings]
Oh, my gosh, he's back!
428
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:07,698
Don't answer it!
429
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,168
Mom, i-is Mr. Mintz
a violent man?
430
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:14,205
Yes...but he's fair.
431
00:21:14,207 --> 00:21:15,406
[doorbell rings]
432
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,642
Let's all slip out
the side door.
433
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:19,777
We don't have a side door.
434
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,346
Well, why don't we?
435
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:24,315
Just finish your will!
436
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:27,051
Oh! Uh, you guys,
g-go out in the driveway.
437
00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:28,753
See if anybody
is buying anything.
438
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:29,854
Okay.
439
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:35,559
You know, we're a lot alike.
440
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:38,095
We just can't keep ourselves
out of trouble.
441
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,501
Oh, thank God.
442
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,436
- Excuse me?
- No.
443
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:47,772
Nev-nevermind.
444
00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:49,140
Yes?
445
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,408
Hi, uh, Carl Buck.
446
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:51,909
I-I was at your garage sale
447
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:53,511
and I found something
I'd like to buy
448
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:55,513
but I'm not sure
if you're selling it.
449
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,114
- Everything outside's for sale.
- Yeah.
450
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:59,617
This thing looked like
a spaceship.
451
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,185
Except the spaceship.
452
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:04,288
Uh, not that it is a spaceship.
It could be anything.
453
00:22:05,591 --> 00:22:07,391
It's perfect
for the film we're doing.
454
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:09,627
"Film?"
Wh-who exactly are you?
455
00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:11,896
Oh, oh, forgive me.
I'm a set decorator.
456
00:22:11,898 --> 00:22:15,266
Well, that's nothing
to be ashamed of.
457
00:22:15,268 --> 00:22:19,503
And I-I was looking for props
for our film "Jupiter Guys."
458
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:22,006
And that ship would be
perfect for it.
459
00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:23,708
You sure you don't
wanna sell it?
460
00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:26,510
Oh, no, no,
we couldn't possibly.
461
00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:30,014
- Why not?
- It has sentimental value.
462
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:31,782
Would you, uh,
consider renting it?
463
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:33,017
- No.
- For how long?
464
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:36,620
- Willie!
- No more than a week.
465
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:39,790
Uh, no.
No, we couldn't really.
466
00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,559
I was willing to pay 4000.
467
00:22:41,561 --> 00:22:43,661
How about six?
468
00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:46,464
Okay, six.
469
00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:47,898
Willie, uh..
470
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:50,668
...isn't there someone
we should consult about this?
471
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:52,670
(ALF)
'Take the money!'
472
00:22:54,507 --> 00:22:57,441
It's our, uh,
business manager.
473
00:22:57,443 --> 00:23:00,077
So, uh, do we have a deal?
474
00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:02,246
- It's just for one week, right?
- Right!
475
00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:03,848
- Deal.
- Great.
476
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:05,249
Uh, who can I make
the check out to?
477
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:08,986
- Uh, Mr. Nick Mintz.
- Oh, The Fish?
478
00:23:09,756 --> 00:23:11,956
[instrumental music]
479
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:19,163
[paper rustling]
480
00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:28,472
What are you looking for, ALF?
481
00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:31,242
Rebate coupons. You?
482
00:23:32,311 --> 00:23:34,512
My Nina.
483
00:23:34,514 --> 00:23:36,147
Good luck, Willie.
484
00:23:36,149 --> 00:23:38,816
- Good luck, ALF.
- 'Thanks.'
485
00:23:38,818 --> 00:23:40,217
[cricket chirping]
486
00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:42,219
[instrumental music]
487
00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:56,167
[theme music]
488
00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:24,695
Ha! Ha!
38783
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