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1
00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:03,068
[scratching]
2
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:08,240
¶ Well my name is ALF
and I'm stuck on Earth ¶
3
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:11,110
¶ I can't get back
to my place of birth ¶
4
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:14,113
¶ Uh makin' the best
of a bad situation ¶
5
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,715
¶ Think of it as
an extended vacation ¶
6
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,817
Yeah!
7
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,787
¶ Now I didn't come here
lookin' for trouble ¶
8
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:25,324
¶ I'm just here doing
the alien shuffle ¶
9
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,493
Take it, Lynn.
10
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:31,764
¶ Well how do you do?
My name is Lynn ¶
11
00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:33,966
¶ I'm doing some
rapping with an alien ¶
12
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:36,235
¶ He's kind of short
a little bit furry ¶
13
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,237
¶ I'd rap some more
but I'm in a hurry ¶
14
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,738
Good. Good.
15
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,774
¶ Hey look who's here
his name is Willie ¶
16
00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:44,576
¶ Come rap with us
let's all get silly ¶
17
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,017
¶ I'd love to ALF but
I'm uh got to get ready ¶
18
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,685
¶ I just wanted to
tell Lynn.. ¶¶
19
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:54,953
...that her mother
needed her.
20
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,324
That isn't even close
to rhyming.
21
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,693
I wasn't trying.
22
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,763
ALF, you can come out now,
if you want.
23
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,099
Hey, Willie, come here.
Listen to this.
24
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,001
Let me know when
this gets irritating, okay?
25
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,170
[ululating]
26
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:13,839
Now! Now!
27
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,842
It's irritating
almost at once.
28
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:19,545
- What was that?
- Melmacian mating call.
29
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,047
- Like it?
- It's charming.
30
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:23,715
Does it have any effect?
31
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:26,552
Oh, knocks 'em unconscious!
32
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:29,855
I'd better go.
I'm beginning to feel faint.
33
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,992
ALF, while we're gone
34
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:36,428
I trust you won't be
getting into any mischief.
35
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,231
- You do?
- Not really.
36
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:42,000
But we gotta go.
37
00:01:44,839 --> 00:01:46,839
[ululating]
38
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,410
- Come on. Come on.
- 'What? What?'
39
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:52,811
Out of there. Out!
40
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,881
What? Ah, geez, I never
do anything right.
41
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,986
[theme music]
42
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,232
[no audio]
43
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,650
[music continues]
44
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,219
[piano music]
45
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,523
Oh, Kate, I changed this lyric,
you want to listen to this?
46
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,624
Mm-hmm.
47
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,593
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
48
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,528
¶ Put it on your table ¶
49
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,830
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
50
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:21,266
¶ We'll make you
feel more able ¶¶
51
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,901
What was the change you made?
52
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:26,171
Oh, I made, I changed, uh,
"According to Aunt Mabel"
53
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,675
I changed to "We'll make you
feel more able."
54
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:32,878
I liked Aunt Mabel better.
55
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,613
I thought you were
watching "Wheel Of Fortune."
56
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,616
I am. Buy a vowel!
57
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,153
I-I guess maybe
there's another word
58
00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:42,421
that rhymes with table.
59
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,591
There's grable, uh, gable,
uh, fable. Uh, fable..
60
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,059
Oh, Willie, Willie,
this is a show
61
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,727
for first graders,
and it's tonight.
62
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,429
I don't think I'd make
any more big changes.
63
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,799
Y-you're right,
"more able" stays.
64
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,969
Fine, you're the writer.
65
00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:59,771
Vanna, honey, when
you stand sideways
66
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,940
they can't see the letters!
67
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,678
I'd better tell Brian
that Aunt Mabel is out.
68
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,146
- Wh-where is he?
- I don't know.
69
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:11,216
Oh, he's in the kitchen
boning the salmon.
70
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:13,518
Oh, heh, I'll-I'll,
I'll tell him later.
71
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,555
Now...now for my-my
dramatic verdian bridge.
72
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:19,258
[piano music]
73
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,493
Spin that sucker!
74
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,894
What a wimp!
75
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,737
Could you please
keep it down?
76
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,172
Yeah, Willie,
have some consideration!
77
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,777
ALF, ALF, this is
a very important show.
78
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,213
I know, it's the semifinals.
79
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,748
I'm not talking about
the "Wheel Of Fortune."
80
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,716
I'm talking about
"The Nutrition Follies."
81
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:45,817
Brian's school pageant.
82
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:49,521
Now, if you don't mind!
83
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,390
Boning the salmon?
84
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,726
Here you go, ALF.
85
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,328
Where's the head?
86
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,163
Give that to me.
87
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:01,066
You're not to eat boned salmon
in the living room.
88
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:04,503
Fine. Who wants it
without the head, anyway?
89
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:07,039
Brian, come here for a minute.
I made some changes in the song.
90
00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:09,174
I think this is gonna be
a lot easier for you.
91
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,575
Le-let me show you.
92
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,412
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
93
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,547
¶ Put it on your table ¶
94
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,449
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
95
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,385
¶ We'll make you
feel more able ¶¶
96
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,689
- I liked Aunt Mabel.
- Forget it, kid.
97
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,991
Aunt Mabel's history.
98
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,660
Oh.. Uh, let's try
on your costume.
99
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,162
It's too big.
100
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,064
No, I made you a new one,
this one's smaller.
101
00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:34,166
Come on, let's see
how it looks.
102
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,101
Hop in there.
There you go.
103
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:40,005
There! You are an official
Aspara-guy. What do you think?
104
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:43,342
Personally, I'm appalled
by the whole idea.
105
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,311
On Melmac, we only
dressed as vegetables
106
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:50,716
during periods of mourning
or when someone died.
107
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,184
Well-well,
when someone dies here
108
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:55,354
we-we generally wear dark
clothes, maybe a hat.
109
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,989
A hat? To a funeral?
110
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,559
When do you wear feathers?
111
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,227
We don't.
112
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,929
Barbarians.
113
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:08,433
Oh, Brian!
You look so cute.
114
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,770
You're gonna make
a great celery stalk.
115
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:14,373
- He-he's an asparagus.
- Oh.
116
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:18,009
I'd rather be a celery.
117
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,512
Alright, everyone, uh,
we just got a few minutes now
118
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,980
before the last rehearsal.
119
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,582
So, Brian, why don't you
and I run over the song
120
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,484
before Spencer gets here?
121
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,252
Daddy, I don't want to.
122
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,388
Brian, you were
so excited about this.
123
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:32,991
I stink. Spencer says so.
124
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,594
Oh, what do you care
what Spencer says?
125
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:38,764
Because he laughs at me
and makes me forget the words.
126
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,799
I don't like him. He's mean.
127
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,835
Oh, Brian, that's not really..
That's not fair.
128
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:47,639
I'm sure Spencer
has some very fine qualities.
129
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,141
That's not what
you said last night.
130
00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:53,979
Well, maybe an unkind word
slipped in here or there.
131
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:57,582
Willie, you said
the kid was fungus.
132
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,684
I didn't..
133
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:02,287
Even if I did,
that-that's not the point.
134
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:03,789
What was the point?
135
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:04,856
[car door closes]
136
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,224
The point is moot.
137
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:09,294
The little fungus
is here now.
138
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,729
Right. Come on, ALF.
139
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:13,899
Yeah, I know, 86 the alien.
140
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,435
Let's go to my room.
141
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,938
What about the salmon?
142
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,541
- Forget about the salmon.
- Forgotten.
143
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:29,347
Why would anyone
throw away the head?
144
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,982
[doorbell dings]
145
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,186
Remember, Brian,
don't let Spencer get to you.
146
00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:35,821
I'll try.
147
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,924
Hi there, Spencer.
148
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:42,327
Look what I got from my dad,
Dr. Potato Famine.
149
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:46,331
- Wow! Can I look at it?
- No way. You might wreck it.
150
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,099
From your, uh, father,
eh, Spence?
151
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,501
He back in town again?
152
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:52,838
Nope, Zurich. His secretary
sent this to me.
153
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,573
But he told her to.
154
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,008
Spencer, uh, why don't
we try on our costumes
155
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,510
and we'll get started.
156
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,012
- Where is it?
- I-it's right over here.
157
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,749
You call that an asparagus?
158
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,918
It looks like a zucchini.
159
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,353
Uh, why don't we rehearse first
160
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,922
and then we'll try
on the costumes, okay?
161
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:15,927
Okay, but nobody touch this.
It's very expensive.
162
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,597
I'll guard it with my life.
163
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,466
Here's some material
I've written to open up the act.
164
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,168
Uh, what act?
165
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,570
Well, I thought I'd tell
some jokes to liven things up.
166
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:28,573
Always open with comedy
and close with a song.
167
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:31,209
Brian, uh, you want to
come over here, we'll try this.
168
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,182
Let's see if you
get it right this time.
169
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,219
Okay. Asparagus?
170
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:45,156
¶ Asparagus are
long and green ¶
171
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:49,394
¶ And good for you to eat ¶
172
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:52,864
¶ Will make your body
strong and lean.. ¶
173
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,099
Pick it up.
174
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,468
¶ Our flavor can't.. ¶
175
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,069
¶ Be beat ¶¶
176
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,906
- Can't you remember anything?
- Leave me alone.
177
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,641
Guys, look, guys,
this is something
178
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,242
that we're trying to do.
179
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,744
We're trying to do
this together.
180
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:08,346
This takes a lot of
cooperation.
181
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:11,416
Let's-let's try it
right at the refrain.
182
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,984
Right at the..
Let me just do this for you.
183
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,854
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
184
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,223
¶ Put us on your table ¶
185
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,959
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
186
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,194
¶ We'll make you feel
more able ¶¶
187
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,629
What happened
to Aunt Mabel?
188
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,866
- I changed it.
- You changed it?
189
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:31,102
I changed it.
I think this has more impact.
190
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,539
You see, nobody knows
who Aunt Ma..
191
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:37,409
This is the way we're doing it,
and that's it.
192
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,511
You're the writer.
193
00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:41,980
Let's try it, okay?
194
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,583
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
195
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:47,085
¶ Put us on your table ¶
196
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,454
¶ Asparagus asparagus ¶
197
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,290
¶ Will make you
feel Aunt Mabel ¶¶
198
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,159
Oh, no, I can't work
with him.
199
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,463
[instrumental music]
200
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,902
Say, will you turn that off?
201
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,304
No, "Bonanza" is just coming on.
202
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,573
ALF, you've seen "Bonanza"
a hundred times.
203
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:12,677
I know, but this is
one of the lost episodes.
204
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,646
Please turn that off.
205
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,880
Fine.
206
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:16,915
[music stops]
207
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,717
It's lost forever.
208
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,021
No, Spencer, I'm sorry,
I don't think the jokes
209
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,557
about your ex-wife will work.
210
00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:28,994
No. No priests, no rabbis,
and no ministers.
211
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,664
No, Spencer,
the song stays as it is.
212
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,836
Okay, everybody,
almost show time.
213
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,270
- Everybody ready?
- Just about.
214
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,805
Come on, Brian,
here's your costume.
215
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,008
I don't wanna go.
216
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:46,945
Brian, honey,
it'll be a lot of fun.
217
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,647
All your friends
will be there.
218
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,148
Yeah, they need you.
219
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,018
Nobody needs asparagus.
220
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,319
[clears throat]
221
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,155
Uh, William, may I have
a word with the boy?
222
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:01,826
ALF, he's our son
and we'll handle this, alright?
223
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,063
Fine. I'm a dot on the horizon.
224
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,934
Brian, I know
that Spencer bothers you
225
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,870
but you can't let that stop you.
226
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,105
Now, 10, 20 years from today
227
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,675
nobody will remember
"The Nutrition Follies"
228
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:19,310
but you will remember
that you went out there
229
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:22,113
you were the best asparagus
you could be.
230
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,183
I don't care. I don't wanna
do it, I'm scared.
231
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,318
Brian, lots of famous people
get stage fright
232
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,787
before they have to sing.
233
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,156
I read somewhere once
that Rod Stewart seizes up
234
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:32,991
with stomach cramps
and hyperventilates and--
235
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,659
(Kate)
'Lynn.'
236
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,995
I'll wait in the car.
237
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,264
So if you really, really
don't want to sing
238
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:42,467
then, uh, we'll just sit
in the audience and watch.
239
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,470
We'll take your costume just
in case you change your mind.
240
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,505
Okay? Let's get in the car.
241
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,411
Oh, good, you solved it
without me.
242
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,247
Yes, we managed
to fumble through.
243
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,551
So, uh, Brian,
you gonna sing?
244
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,987
Not exactly,
but, uh, we are going.
245
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:05,590
So you blew it.
246
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:08,827
Listen, uh, I think I've got
a fix on the kid's problem.
247
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,329
Mind if I talk
to him alone for a minute?
248
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,698
Just, uh, keep it short.
249
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,267
Come on over here, pal.
250
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,204
We'll be in the car, Brian.
251
00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:23,007
- We are pals, aren't we?
- Yeah.
252
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,976
So what's the problem?
253
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:28,480
It's that Spencer guy,
isn't it?
254
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:30,582
Let me tell you
a little story
255
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:34,352
about a guy who had
the same problem you did.
256
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:38,022
- A guy named Gordon.
- Who's he?
257
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,658
Someone I grew up with
on Melmac.
258
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,862
Nice kid, handsome..
259
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:47,932
...intelligent,
great athlete..
260
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,135
...wonderful sense of humor, ha!
261
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:53,371
- It was you, wasn't it?
- How'd you guess?
262
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,774
Anyway, I was doing a little--
263
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,842
Your name's really Gordon?
264
00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:00,278
- Yeah, Gordon.
- That's funny.
265
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,113
It was my mother's
maiden name, alright?
266
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,148
Sorry.
267
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,717
Anyway, back on Melmac
268
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:07,786
I was in a little
dinner theater production
269
00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,954
of "Man of La Mancha."
270
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,390
I was playing Sancho Panza.
271
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:16,027
It was opening night.
There was a full house.
272
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,229
I was about to sing
my first number
273
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,232
when suddenly, I froze!
274
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,767
I was like this.
275
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,503
Yeah!
276
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,540
Your name is really Gordon?
277
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,075
Just go with me on this, okay?
278
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,411
I'm up there, I'm frozen.
279
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,980
I can't remember
my opening number.
280
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,916
The audience
was getting hostile.
281
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,985
They were ready to start
throwing bread sticks at me.
282
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,254
When the guy who played
Don Quixote
283
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,658
pulled me aside and gave me
this good luck charm.
284
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,794
- A tooth?
- Yeah!
285
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:52,530
His 124 year molar.
286
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,032
Did it bring you good luck?
287
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,834
Ha! You bet.
288
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:59,204
I got through my song,
plus "The Impossible Dream"
289
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,406
and every other song
in the show.
290
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:04,542
For an encore I even did a
couple of numbers from "Gypsy."
291
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,881
Yeah, but will it work
on asparagus songs?
292
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,616
No problem.
293
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:15,253
Don Quixote says the tooth
works on vegetables too.
294
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:16,521
[car horn honking]
295
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:19,123
Look, just stick
that in your back pocket
296
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:22,260
and you'll go out there
and knock 'em dead.
297
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,928
Great! I will.
298
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,500
Thanks...Gordon.
299
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,973
Don't worry, kid.
You'll be swell.
300
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,908
You'll be great.
301
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:39,911
¶ Gonna have the whole world
on a plate ¶
302
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,246
¶ Starting here ¶
303
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,547
¶ Starting now ¶
304
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,349
¶ Honey everything's.. ¶¶
305
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,456
Brian!
306
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:57,662
Uh-oh. There's trouble,
right here in River City.
307
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,904
[instrumental music]
308
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,908
[indistinct chatter]
309
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:16,147
Uh, mom, I think those people
are in our seats.
310
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:18,416
Um..
311
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:22,487
Excuse me. Uh, I believe
you're in our seats.
312
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:26,057
No, uh, these are seats
11 and 12.
313
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,425
Oh, here-here's the problem.
314
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,460
Your seats
are in the meat section
315
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,663
and this is
the vegetable section.
316
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:33,097
You're all vegetables,
aren't you?
317
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,165
- Oh, yeah.
- Absolutely.
318
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,734
We're all vegetables.
319
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:41,172
Lady, I think you're mistaken.
We're potatoes.
320
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:44,008
No. No, uh,
these are not potatoes.
321
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,877
Uh, these are Cornish game hens.
322
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,313
Wh-what are you
talking about?
323
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,748
Look, here's the butter
and here's the chives.
324
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,318
No. I'm sorry,
I think that's wild rice.
325
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,720
Yes. Yes, it is.
326
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,522
Oh, yeah, right.
327
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,958
Come on, Sally, we're poultry.
328
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,461
Sorry.
329
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,900
I hope Brian's gonna be alright.
330
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:11,502
- He'll be fine. He's a trooper.
- Yeah.
331
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,506
Hello,
Jack Rabbit Delivery Service?
332
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,343
Yeah, I'm looking at your ad
in the Yellow Pages.
333
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,911
How would you feel
about delivering
334
00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:21,713
a tooth to an asparagus?
335
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:26,050
Hello? Hello?
336
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:27,852
[piano music]
337
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,120
[applause]
338
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:31,422
Yes. Yes, indeed.
339
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,257
Let's hear it for
the two garlics!
340
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:36,461
[applause]
341
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,966
Now, we'll take a short break
while we air out the stage.
342
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,868
[chuckles]
343
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,704
Okay, guys, come on. Come on.
We follow the garlics.
344
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,673
- It's gone!
- Wh-what's gone?
345
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,608
My lucky tooth!
I can't go out there!
346
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,244
Whoa, whoa. Uh, whoa,
what lucky tooth?
347
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,613
The one that ALF
gave me for courage.
348
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,448
Next on our entertainment menu
349
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,351
a treat from our friends
in the vegetable family.
350
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,654
I give you the Aspara-guys.
351
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,491
Alright, Spencer,
I want you to go out there
352
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,226
I want you to do those jokes.
353
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:12,163
Oh, boy. My big break!
354
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:15,166
Hey, Brian, I'm just,
I'm-I'm trying to understand
355
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,768
about this tooth business.
356
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,672
True story. A guy walks into
the principal's office
357
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,107
with a duck on his head.
358
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:26,411
The principal says,
"My gosh, how did this happen?"
359
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,413
The duck says, "I don't know.
360
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,616
It started as
a growth on my foot."
361
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:35,586
- What's wrong?
- It wasn't funny.
362
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:39,023
No, I mean where is Brian?
Why isn't he out there?
363
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:41,793
What is this, an audience
or an oil painting?
364
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,162
Hello?
365
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:47,565
Uh, listen, I need a cab here,
as soon as possible.
366
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,501
Yeah, uh, 167, Hemdale.
367
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,671
It's an unassuming house
that needs a paint job.
368
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:58,176
Uh-huh. Uh, you'll be going to
the Franklin Elementary School.
369
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,546
How many passengers?
None, just a tooth.
370
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,016
Hello? Hello?
371
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:07,018
Excuse me, Mr. Tanner,
what seems to be the problem?
372
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:10,888
- Uh, Brian's lost a tooth.
- Aw. How cute.
373
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,323
But there's no business
like show business
374
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,058
so let's go on with the show.
375
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,327
Well, I'm afraid we'll need
another minute or so.
376
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:19,630
Well, alright, but please hurry.
The radishes are getting testy.
377
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:26,003
So, how many of you
are from out of town?
378
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:30,374
Brian, no matter how special
Don Quixote's tooth may be
379
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:33,144
you can't count on something
like that to give you courage.
380
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,679
Why not?
381
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:37,081
Because courage doesn't
come from some thing.
382
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:41,185
Courage comes from inside.
From-from in you.
383
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:44,989
If you can sing with a lucky
charm, you can sing without one.
384
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,691
(Spencer)
'My teacher's so old'
385
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,427
'her Social Security number's
in Roman numerals.'
386
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:53,664
- But what if I mess up, dad?
- No. You won't mess up, son.
387
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:57,201
And-and even if you do,
it doesn't matter.
388
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,370
The important thing is
that you go out there
389
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,873
and give it your best shot.
390
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:04,942
Uh, uh, hello, Bye Bye Travel?
391
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:08,713
Uh, yeah. Yeah, when's your
next flight to Hawaii?
392
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,081
Oh, oh, perfect, good.
393
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:12,817
Uh, listen,
on the way to the islands
394
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:16,354
you think we could stop at
the Franklin Elementary School?
395
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,256
Hello? Hello?
396
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:23,027
May your daughters
marry substitute teachers!
397
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:28,566
- But what about Spencer?
- What about me? I just bombed.
398
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,867
The meat section hates me.
399
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,170
Uh, they don't hate you,
Spencer.
400
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,972
I think they just
don't understand comedy.
401
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:39,277
Spencer, you're crying.
402
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,678
No, I'm not.
403
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,014
I was standing
too close to the onions.
404
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,021
Look, I'm going to introduce
a vegetable out there.
405
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,790
Now, is it going to be
green or red?
406
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,692
Well, what's it gonna be, guys?
407
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,127
I'm not going.
408
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:57,228
You aren't?
409
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,163
No, I'm scared.
410
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,165
- You are?
- Yeah.
411
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:05,069
I don't think I can even
remember the words to the song.
412
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,771
Well, you say
413
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:09,607
"Asparagus are long and green
414
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,576
and good for you to eat."
415
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,644
And I say
416
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,547
"Will make your body
strong and lean
417
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,983
our flavor can't be beat."
418
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,318
Oh, yeah.
419
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,453
Right, dad?
420
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,921
Right.
421
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,257
Think you better
introduce the Aspara-guys.
422
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,660
Where are they?
423
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,797
I don't know,
but I'm going back there.
424
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,633
Okay, here we go.
Sit down, lady.
425
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:40,538
And now, at long last,
the Aspara-guys.
426
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,341
[applause]
427
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,580
[piano music]
428
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,792
Come on, you can do it.
429
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:05,997
¶ Asparagus are long and green ¶
430
00:21:05,999 --> 00:21:10,234
¶ And good for you to eat ¶
431
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:16,641
¶ Will make your body
strong and lean ¶
432
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:21,078
¶ Our flavor can't be beat ¶
433
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,952
[music continues]
434
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:35,626
¶ So when you're in the store ¶
435
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:38,729
¶ Just take this tip from us ¶
436
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:44,235
¶ Buy aspa-ra-gus ¶¶
437
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:48,205
[applause]
438
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,007
Maestro!
439
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,754
[instrumental music]
440
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,327
Okay.
441
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:11,329
Alright, Brian.
442
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,597
Guess it's up to me.
443
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:15,366
Yeah.
444
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:18,402
...that was amazing.
445
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:19,870
ALF?
446
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:22,773
ALF! What are you
doing in that costume?
447
00:22:22,775 --> 00:22:26,143
Uh, uh, uh, my uncle died.
448
00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:30,147
ALF, I did it.
I sang my song!
449
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:31,315
You did?
450
00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:33,384
- Without the lucky tooth.
- He was great.
451
00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:36,153
He was the best
vegetable up there.
452
00:22:36,155 --> 00:22:38,856
Yeah, you see, courage
doesn't come from a tooth
453
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,358
it comes from in here.
454
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,660
That's close enough.
455
00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,228
But thanks anyway.
456
00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:48,232
- Yeah. Come on, Brian.
- 'So cute.'
457
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:50,868
Come on, let's get
ready for bed.
458
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:53,871
¶ Asparagus asparagus.. ¶¶
459
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:56,273
Brian, we were great.
460
00:22:58,778 --> 00:23:00,144
I'm gonna make myself
a sandwich.
461
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:02,446
Sitting with
all that food made me hungry.
462
00:23:02,448 --> 00:23:06,717
Well, uh, I'm glad
the kid did so well.
463
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:09,019
I guess I'll go change.
464
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:11,222
It's getting hot in here.
465
00:23:12,325 --> 00:23:14,258
ALF..
466
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:16,260
Yes?
467
00:23:18,297 --> 00:23:21,232
I don't think your uncle
really died, did he?
468
00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:23,367
Then who did we bury?
469
00:23:23,369 --> 00:23:25,102
I think that you were
gonna sneak out
470
00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:28,839
and, uh, bring Brian
that tooth, weren't you?
471
00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:30,674
I wasn't going to sneak.
472
00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:32,410
I was going to
hot wire a car.
473
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,946
Whatever.
474
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:38,716
You were very
concerned about Brian.
475
00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:42,953
I think...I think
that was very sweet.
476
00:23:42,955 --> 00:23:46,290
You, uh, you want
to hug me, don't you?
477
00:23:48,127 --> 00:23:51,462
Maybe we could start
with a handshake.
478
00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:53,063
Deal.
479
00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:54,698
[instrumental music]
480
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:56,434
[chuckles]
481
00:23:58,704 --> 00:24:00,137
I feel ridiculous.
482
00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:01,839
[laughing]
483
00:24:04,243 --> 00:24:06,043
[theme music]
484
00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:33,003
[ALF laughing]
38055
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