All language subtitles for ALF.S01E15.Ive.Got.a.New.Attitude.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-DAWN_track3_[eng]

- Watch out for that table.
- Uh-huh, I see it.

Gee, I don't know how
your mother is gonna get

all this stuff in that little,
little apartment?

Well, you've never seen
the inside of her handbag.

Heavy?

Yes, but no heavier than other
boxes you've watched us carry.

Would you mind
licking this stamp?

Can't you lick
that yourself?

Not with chocolate
on my tongue.

Where'd you get
the chocolate?

It's the funniest thing.

I found a whole box
in the back of your closet.

I was going to give that
to Kate for Valentine's Day.

Oh, Willie, that's sweet.

- He ate the whole box.
- I'm sorry.

You've no respect
for personal property.

You walk in anytime,
you take my candy..

I said I was sorry.

Whining's not gonna
bring it back.

Willie,
it's-it's-it's alright.

Maybe he forgot the.. He did.
He forgot the second layer.

Right. I only licked those.

Great. Now nobody can eat them.

[theme music]

[music continues]

Brian, give that to me.

I'll put it over here with the
rest of grandma's things.

Kate, am I mistaken
or is that a cat stretcher?

- It's an oar.
- Or what?

Mom, why does grandma
keep an old oar?

Oh, well, when grandpa was
courting grandma, he took her..

...canoeing down
the Missouri River.

Then why would they need
a cat stretcher?

ALF, why are you sending
a ham to Sally Field?

It's my valentine to her.

I don't think we should send
any more meats to celebrities.

Anyone could send shrimp.

Am I wearing a sign
that says kick me?

No, but that
can be arranged.

Willie, get the staple gun.

Ha!

I am in no mood for you.

What a coincidence.

- What's the matter, mom?
- I'm just furious.

They haven't finished
painting my apartment yet.

I can't move in until tomorrow

so I'll have to stay here
for tonight.

What's the good news?

Send that thing
to its room.

You're off my ham list, lady.

Okay, you can come in now.

They've put
the chicken in the yard.

Mom, what-what-what
are you doing?

This guy, my new neighbor,
he insisted on coming along

with me to help me move things.

Well, mom, he's not gonna
believe that we have a chicken.

Well, fine. Tell him the truth.
We have an alien.

Get in that henhouse!
Shoo! Shoo!

[clucking]

High fescue!

I'm Willie Tanner.
Nice to meet you, High.

Oh, no, that's what
your grass is.

High fescue.

Oh. Oh, yeah, that's the name
of the grass.

We-we planted last year.

I thought your name
was "High Fescue."

No, no, no.
That would be silly.

My name is Whizzer Deaver.

[laughs]

It really is.

Oh. And this is
my daughter, Kate.

- Hi, Kate.
- How do you do?

- Her son, Brian.
- Say hi, Bri.

- Hi, Whizzer.
- Hi.

I hope you don't mind that I'm
helping your mother get settled.

Oh, no, no, not at all.

And do you mind
if I move in with her?

I mind.

How 'bout if I get
some of these boxes

and get out of here?

It was nice
meeting all of you.

I hope to see you
at the wedding.

Oh, mom, he is really darling.

What a nice guy.

Dorothy, where did
you ever find him?

- Under my sink.
- Dorothy!

He was fixing
my garbage disposal.

I haven't been able
to shake him since.

Does Bob Hope
still have teeth?

ALF, forget it.

You're right.

A man his age
shouldn't be eating pork.

And the bartender said
"I was talking to the duck."

Oh, gee, Whizzer, you got
a great sense of humor.

Most people don't
get that joke.

Dorothy didn't.

I got it. I just
didn't think it was funny.

I know, and I wanted to
make it up to you.

I hope you won't
think me presumptuous.

Well, If that means pushy,
then yes, I do.

Well, in that case,
these are for you.

Oh, how lovely.

Not that I wouldn't
have taken them, but I--

Then I'll give them to you.

Why don't we
divide them up?

I'll put them in water.

What's left to be moved?

What? Oh.
My suitcase here

and just those
things over there.

Ah, whose clarinet?

I used to fool around
with one of these things.

Well, just don't fool around
with this one, okay?

This belonged
to my husband.

Hey, I can dig it.
A man's axe is sacred.

"Whizzer Deaver
and the Whizztones."

- 'Right.'
- Ha!

You used to play in that
club on Juniper Street?

- What was the name of that?
- Club Juniper.

This is one of the greatest
clarinetists who ever lived.

Well, I was no Steve Allen.

Gee, I wish I could hear you
play sometime, Whizzer.

Hey, I'll dig out my clarinet

I'll bring Dorothy
over some night

and we'll have
a little jam session.

What night?

- Tonight.
- I'm busy.

Doing what, mom?

Well, we have to
divide the flowers..

(ALF)
'Ha!'

And then we're going to
butcher the chicken!

We have got to go to
a hockey game sometime.

I'll look into
season tickets.

Seriously, I caught the game
on the tube last night.

Fantastic!

Skating,
shooting the puck

hitting each other
with sticks.

It's just like klane ball.

Except in klane ball,
there's no skating or puck.

A pickle. You?

No, thank you.

I meant, did you do this?

Yeah.

Your ham came back.
Insufficient postage.

How much does it cost
to mail a ham in this state?

ALF, you sent it
fourth class.

So? On Melmac,
we had first class

second class,
fish and ham.

I think we lost fish and ham
when the postage rates went up.

Oh, mom, uh,
Whizzer called.

Alright, Whizzerman!

Hello, to most of you.

I wouldn't take that, Willie.

Mom, what if I had you
and Whizzer over for dinner?

Very casual. Just pot luck.

Honey, Mr. Deaver
is a nice guy.

But I am not, repeat not
interested in a relationship.

Dorothy, I'd like to say
something about this

and I don't mean
to be too critical

but you're saving
yourself for a corpse.

- ALF!!
- Well, she is.

And I'm not the only one
who thinks so.

- What do you mean?
- I talked to Sparky.

You talked to my husband?

I guess I never mentioned
my ability to contact the dead.

I think we would've
remembered that.

Everyone on Melmac could do it.

Sometimes we'd just
sit around after dinner

and if there was nothing good
on TV, we'd chat with the dead.

You never talked to Sparky.

You don't believe me?
Then, I'll prove it.

Sparky's favorite food was
French toast with gravy, right?

- Did you tell him that?
- No.

And you didn't tell me that
Sparky called her Dodo either.

- Uh, Dodo?
- Yep.

He always said "I hope my Dodo
finds somebody else."

Oh yeah, he also thought
the funeral was very tasteful.

ALF, this really
isn't very funny.

Just wait a minute. I want to
know how ALF knows all this.

I told you.
I talked to him.

Alright. Alright.
Then prove it.

- 'Oh, mom!'
- Please.

- Let-let me talk to him.
- When?

- Now. Tonight.
- Well, it's been a while.

I mean, I can't
guarantee anything.

The smog here is so thick.

- Oh, oh. Excuses..
- Oh, yeah, sure.

Then you wouln't be able to
I suppose.

Alright!
We'll chat with the dead.

Except if there's something
good on TV tonight.

Are you sure this is
alright to wear to a seance?

It looks fine.

Maybe you should
tuck your blouse in.

What difference does
it make what you wear?

I guess it does
make a difference.

Dorothy, they may be dead
but they're not blind.

That is my scarf.

And my earring.

There are no possessions
in the realm of the dead.

Come on, come on,
let's get this over with.

Keep your shirt on.

You haven't talked
to the guy in ten years.

Two more minutes
won't kill you.

Oh, I went
to three stores, ALF.

Everybody was out
of black candles.

What is this,
National Seance Day?

Alright,
these will have to do.

- Isn't that our goldfish bowl?
- Yeah.

- Where's our goldfish?
- He's fine.

Oh, by the way,
nobody flush the toilet.

Our goldfish bowl
is on the table

and our goldfish
is in the toilet.

Obviously, you know
what you are doing.

Thank you.
Alright, folks, sit down.

Uh, where is Brian?

[toilet flushing]

Uh-oh.

Small price to pay
for contacting the dead.

Let's move on.
Someone wanna hit those lights?

Yeah.

[rattling]

Incidentally, I'll be the
only one asking questions.

- Why you?
- What did I just say?

Now, if you'll all join hands
and close your eyes.

All the way, Willie.

I'm sorry.

I'm going into
a trance now.

[braying]

[exhaling]

You don't have to
make rude noises.

That's alright,
I don't mind.

[braying]

Come on, come on.
Get on with this.

I'm nervous
enough already.

We're moving on.

Hello. Hello.

I'm trying to reach Sparky..

What was your
last name again?

Halligan.

Halligan.

Sparky, come in.

It's me, Gordon.

Gordon Shumway.

(Sparky)
'Gordon? Is that you?'

I don't believe this.

Sparky. Yo, what's
the good word?

(Sparky)
'Can't complain.
Death's been good to me.'

Oh, my God.
That sounds just like him.

It sounds like Teddy Ruxpin.

That's what dad
sounded like.

Sparky, I'm sitting right here
next to the widow Halligan.

(Sparky)
'My little Dodo?'

Sparky? Sparky?
Is this really you?

Quiet. Can we let the deceased
get a word in edgewise?

Sparky, talk to Dorothy.

Give us a sign.

[bowling ball
knocking over pins]

He left the seven.

That's Sparky, then.
He always left the seven.

Oh, sweetheart,
it's you, it's you.

He's up there.

It's you, it's you.

Mom, let's not
be too hasty.

I believe your
father was talking.

We only have a few
seconds left, Sparky.

Tell Dodo what you told me
the other day.

(Sparky's)
'Dodo, if you should meet
a man you like'

'well, go for it.'

Oh, Sparky,
I-I-I don't know what to say.

'As I was saying..'

[tape recorder rewinding]

What does that mean?

Uh-uh, it means
the seance is over.

Hit the lights!
Break out the refreshments!

And no questions, please.
I'm still in a trance.

You're going to be in a coma
if this is what I think it is.

This is my new
tape recorder.

- Tape recorder?
- Wait, I can explain.

So can I. You're a fraud.

Alright, ALF. Out with it!
And we want the truth!

The truth is not all
of what you just saw is real.

Oh, well,
this-this wire is real.

This is a real fine hole
in our dining room table.

Where was I supposed
to put the flashlight?

By the way,
did that work for you?

Brian, you had better
leave the room

there is going to be some
swearing now.

I wanna hear the swearing.

- We're not going to swear.
- I am!

Count me in.

Come on, Brian,
I think we better go.

- I'm going with you.
- Stay where you are.

Just a minute,
you little creep.

I would like to know something.

Where did you get all this
information about my life?

- Promise you won't hit me.
- Yes!

Easy.
I went through your things.

Well, I mean, I thought
it would make you feel better

about going out
with the Whizzer.

Whizzer? Whizzer?

Look, I've had it
up to here with Whizzer!

Just let me tell
you something, buster.

I don't need any help
from you or anybody else

on how to live
my life, okay?

Now, when one of
you has time

one of you can give me
a ride to my apartment.

No, mom. Wait, wait, wait!
You are in big trouble.

You know, for what you paid,
you could've gotten

a better tape recorder.

It was on sale!

Hey, wait a minute!
What about those refreshments?

I made little cookies
in the shape of Sparky!

[doorbell rings]

Jack Rabbit Courier.
Package for Dorothy Halligan.

Uh, yeah, that's me, but..

Sign here.

- Hey, just movin' in.
- Brilliant.

Yeah, I could tell.

Yeah, the wife and I
are lookin' for a new place.

Oh, what kind of square footage
have you got here?

I don't know.

Mind if I measure?

Now is not really a good time.

Oh. Uh, when would be
a good time then?

The 15th of August.

Two years from now
when my lease is up.

Good enough.

Oh.

What in the world..

Oh, no, no!

Whoa! What a rough trip.

It's like being
sent "ham class."

Just get out of here!

Dorothy, please.

I came all the way
over here to talk to you.

Lucky for you, I haven't
unpacked the knives yet.

Alright. I admit that the seance
was a cruel trick

but I did it all for you.

Oh, fine, you humiliated me
for my benefit. Thank you.

No. I didn't count
on humiliation.

That was sort of a bonus.

I know those knives
are here somewhere.

Hey, look, look.

I know how you must've
felt about Sparky.

It's not easy to lose
something you love.

I know. I lost my whole world.

But at some point, we just have
to turn the page and move on.

You know something,
you're in the wrong game.

You should be a shrink.

Actually I'm only
three hours short

of my masters in psychology.

Well, don't try any
of that stuff with me!

You know, I think what's
really bugging you

is that I'm onto something.

I think I've hit a nerve.

Well, thank you very much
for the speech

you can run along now.

I'm sure you'll have
no problem catching a cab.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get that.

You're busy being defensive.

You get down!

- Oh!
- You'll shut up!

- 'Throw me a magazine.'
- No!

'Or a flashlight.'

Shh!

Hi. Hi!

- Hi, Dorothy.
- Hi.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Val..
Oh, what's that?

Don't worry.
It's nothing romantic.

You left your knives
in the truck.

Oh! Oh, what good timing.

Well, I guess
I'll be going.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Unless you'd like to
come in for a minute.

What?

I just said, unless you'd like
to come in for a minute.

- What do you want moved?
- Nothing, nothing.

I just thought you might
want to come in for a minute.

Okay, but I don't
have a stopwatch.

You'll have to tell me
when my minute is up.

Don't worry about it.

What's this? I don't remember
bringing that one in.

Oh, that. That's an old fur.

A ratty old fur.

I'll probably leave
it for goodwill.

Or else I'll have a hat
and gloves made out of it.

Nice view..

...of a much nicer building.

I don't guess you'll
be doing any naked cooking.

- I don't get it.
- What do you mean?

What-what is it exactly
that you want from me?

I don't want anything from you.

I just like you, that's all.

Look, if you ever need anything,
I'm right down the hall..

...next to the ice machine.

I like you, too...Whizzer.

I think we're going into
our second minute.

Look, I just want to say
something, okay?

- Shoot.
- 'Good.'

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that
I've been a little distant.

Abrasive.
Distant, I meant distant.

No, abrasive. You're right.

- I was abrasive.
- Abrasive, yeah.

See, it's just that..

...I'm having trouble
letting go, you understand?

I mean, my husband, he..

My husband was my whole life.

And I'm, uh, I'm beginning
to realize that..

...it's getting
to be the time

where I should
turn the page..

Well, I'm a pretty good
page turner

if you ever need any help.

I just don't know
where to start. I..

Well, we could eat.

All I have unpacked
is soy sauce.

Great! I'll get the glasses.

Or we could go
to a restaurant.

Yeah, that's good, that's good.
We could do that.

Listen, I really don't think I
have much use for this anymore.

Would you like me
to sell it for you?

No. No, I was hoping maybe
you'd play it for me sometime.

I'd love to.

Goodbye, and thanks.

Superstition.

I always say goodbye
to an empty room.

It's good luck.

Well, that's great, mom.
Congratulations.

Okay, I will.
We'll see you soon then.

Bye-bye.

Guess what?

Mom went out with Whizzer.

No kidding.

He took her to
the club Lucerne.

Now, they're out bowling.

That's terrific.

I wonder what made her
change her mind?

- ALF.
- ALF?

I don't get it, either.

All she said was,
"Tell ALF, thanks."

You know, I haven't
seen him around

all night tonight, have you?

He's probably in the garage

trying to contact
Brian's goldfish.

[doorbell rings]

Jack Rabbit Courier.

[instrumental music]

[chuckles]

[theme music]

[music continues]

[ALF laughing]