All language subtitles for ALF.S01E10.Baby,.You.Can.Drive.My.Car.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-DAWN_track3_[eng]

What can I tell you, Cathy?
My parents aren't home yet.

Oh, don't worry.
I'm going to get the car.

They already said
I could use it.

No, I promise we won't
miss the concert.

Bye.

- If we miss that concert..
- Unbelievable.

I know they're an hour late.

No, I'm talkin' about
Wall Street weekend review.

This guy is sitting there
with a straight face

talkin' about gold
like it's valuable or something.

But gold is valuable.

- And so is time.
- You're kidding.

You may not believe this but
on Melmac gold is worthless.

On Melmac the most valuable
thing is foam.

- Foam?
- Yeah.

My Granduncle Shumway
once said

"I'm heading out west, there's
foam in them thar hills."

Well, foam is almost
worthless here.

- What about gravel?
- Gravel's cheap too.

Ah..

- Wax?
- Yup.

Boy.

ALF, I got some more
lint for you to save.

Dump it.

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Cathy, I told you
I'd call you

the minute
they got home.

Fine, if it'll
make you feel better

go stand by the curb. Bye!

Hey, even silver has value.

That's them.
See you later, ALF.

Oh, no.
It's a tow truck.

- I didn't order any toes.
- The car broke down again.

So what's the connection
to toes?

Mom and dad
what happened to the car?

- The engine.
- And the differential.

And the brakes.

Hey, ALF, you better
go in the kitchen.

The tow truck driver
is coming in.

He's helping us
bring in the groceries.

Then who's bringing in the toes?

Just go.

Well, there go
my concert plans.

I-I'm sorry, Lynn. We're as
upset about this as you are.

It just seems like my friends
are always drivin' me some place

and then when it's my turn to
drive something always happens.

I'd like to be more sympathetic

but ice cream
is melting on my shoe.

I'm sorry.
I'll call Cathy and cancel.

Sorry about my tow truck
breakin' down.

What do you suppose
the odds were on that one?

Ah, you can just set
those down anywhere.

Ah, that's okay, I'll carry
them right into the kitchen.

Uh, no, uh...we'd like
to unload our own groceries

it's kind of a family thing.

I know what you mean,
we're the same way.

Well, how, how much do I
owe you then, Bert?

Well, uh, the tow is 49

but, uh, then I owe
you 63.50 for the new battery.

Of course, your wife
sat on my glasses.

So, uh, let's see, uh..

...carry the four..

- Call it 50 bucks.
- But who owes who?

That's a good one.
Cash will be fine.

Here you go.

You know, I hate takin'
this money from you.

You folks are gonna
have to shell out plenty

to get that car fixed.

How much do you
think it'll be?

Well, you're lookin' at couple
of grand to repair the engine

and another douche
for the differential

plus your tires are shot.
That's, that's gonna run you

uh...carry the four..

I think we get the picture.

Yeah, and also you
may wanna consider

a new set of brake pads.

We should've never towed you
with the emergency on.

- My mistake.
- You're too kind.

I'm sorry, I got a grease spot
on the carpet.

Oh, no, no, no. I-I-I I'm sure
that this will take care of it.

- I-it I-I-I.. It's my fault.
- Don't worry about it.

Thanks, thanks again.
See you, Bert.

You can come out now, ALF.

Well, I've canceled
my concert plans.

But before I go into my room and
listen to The Pretenders on tape

instead of seeing them in
person, I would just like to say

that I wish we had a second car.
Have a nice evening.

Why don't you
buy her one, Willie?

- What?
- A car.

Spring for it.

We can't afford to
spring for a car.

Now is the time.

Four point eight financing
on every Chevy in stock.

On approval of credit,
of course.

I believe our credit
was used up

in the repair
to the roof of our garage.

Which had been damaged I believe
by an errant spaceship.

Thanks for not naming names.

Willie, what if we kicked
in a little money to add

to what Lynn has saved
and let her buy a used car.

Well, I don't know, we, we..

We'd have to talk about it,
that's all.

You've ice cream
on your shoes.

- Who has my Pretenders tape?
- Oh, it's in my Walkman.

I use it to do my aerobics.

Lynn, how much money do you have
in your savings account?

About $150.

What if we kicked in
150 with that?

- What kinda car would that buy?
- A stolen one.

You guys would go in halves
with me on a car?

We could do that.

As-as long we were sure
that it would

amount enough to buy a safe one.

Well, I-I can, I can get
a part time job to earn more.

There's an opening in
Mr. Jim's Chicken and Oysters.

We had a Mr. Jim's on Melmac.

But instead of chicken
and oysters, it was dogs and--

- Don't say it, ALF, don't.
- Why?

It's not the same Mr. Jim.

The one I knew is in prison.

He got caught substituting
hamburger for collie.

- He said it.
- Said what?

Well, so, so what do
you think, dad?

I think that's one of the most
repugnant things I can imagine.

No, no.
I mean, can I get a job?

Honey, do you think that you can
handle a job and go to school?

I mean, you're not exactly
getting straight A's.

All the more reason
to start a carrier.

Nobody asked you.

Well, if I had to wait for
an invitation, I'd never speak.

I'll put away the groceries.

How many more questions
are there in this stupid test?

Five more on chicken
and three more on oysters.

Oh, and there's a two part essay
on citizenship.

I'm so tired.

Is it really worth
all this trouble

just to get a jalopy
to drive around in?

Yes, ALF.
I want a car more than anythin'.

Well, then you better
get crackin' here

if you wanna be
wearin' Mr. Jim's

feather and shell insignia.

- Alright.
- Alright.

- What's the next question?
- Question 126.

"While preparing
the clock and shark combo

"the chicken should be,
A, breaded?

"B, baked?

C, washed?"

I'll go with...C.
Washed.

Eh-h-h! Wrong.

The answer is A, breaded.

You're not supposed to wash 'em?

According to Mr. Jim,
chickens wash themselves.

Don't wash chickens.
Don't wash chickens.

- Okay.
- Alright.

Question 127.

"An oyster should be thrown out
when A, it turns brown

B, it turns black,
C, it turns over."

That's right.
Take your time.

Think before you answer.

Lynn, Lynn.

Yo, Lynn.

I'm gonna guess brown.

Lynn, I thought you might have--

Ssshh! She's asleep.

Oh, the poor thing.

You're killing her, Kate.

She can't work and go to school
at the same time.

You are robbing her
of her youth

just because you won't
spring for a car.

[sniffing]

Is that cocoa?

I can't believe
you're saying that to me.

Why not?
It smells like cocoa.

Alright, it's cocoa. Let's get
back to this car thing.

Now we made a deal with Lynn.

We'll contribute half,
she's to earn the other half.

But it is cocoa?

Yes, it is.

I knew it.

Do you want the cocoa, ALF?

- Are there marshmallows in it?
- No.

- Pass.
- Fine.

But some hot coffee
would be nice.

I guess she didn't hear me.

Here you are, sir.
The pelican gullet platter.

Chicken on the half shell
for the lady.

And oyster dog and a Mr. Jim's
game card for you.

What do I do?

You scratch off three oysters
and win a pack of cigarettes.

Ah, which is the chicken
and which is the oyster, Lynn?

- This tastes like fish.
- Then that's the chicken.

You did everything right, Lynn.
It looks fine.

You served it beautifully.

I just don't think I'm really
all that hungry right now.

You don't have
to be nice, dad.

That was the worst thing
I ever ate.

I just serve it, buster.

We're supposed to say that.

- I'm gonna go change.
- I won, I won.

- Menthol lights.
- I'll take that.

You know, Willie,
Lynn hasn't said anything to me

but she's been so good
about this whole thing.

Maybe we should
let her buy a car now

and she could pay us back
little by little.

Gosh, Kate,
I thought we decided.

I think it's important that
she sees this thing through.

Umm, something smells good.

- You can have mine.
- Later.

- Where is Lynn?
- Um, she's changing. Why?

You'll find out in a minute.

- Lynn!
- 'Yeah.'

Got somethin' for ya.
Meet me in the garage.

Bye.

What has he done?

Maybe nothing.

Maybe.

What's going on? ALF?

(ALF)
'Out here.
I've got a surprise for ya.'

- What is it?
- 'I'll give you a hint.'

[car honking]

- It's a car!
- Hmm, you didn't need a hint.

- ALF stole a car.
- I didn't steal it.

I bought it...for Lynn.

I don't believe it.

It would've been here last week.
But I held out for red.

I don't believe it.

It's true,
everybody wants red.

ALF, how did you
buy this car?

I got it
through my broker.

Broker?
What broker?

The one I hired to sell
the gold from my spaceship.

Wait, wait, wait. Let's just
take this one step at a time.

You bought a car?

Yes. The papers are
in that envelope.

You have gold?

Had gold.

All the plumbing
on my ship was gold.

Except for the bidet.

That was platinum.

Uh-huh.

ALF, this is the most
wonderful present

anyone has ever given me.

Aww, you're just saying that.

No!

No, I mean it.
It's incredible.

Shektor, Kosay, and Klein,
investment brokers

"Dear, ALF. Congratulations

"or should I say
congratulazzione.

"I've sold the balance of
your gold and will invest

"the proceeds in
that mango farm in Oxnard.

All the best. Joel."

Look at this interior?

The dashboard
is burled mahogany.

Grown in the Ferrari family's
private arboretum.

And check out these wheels.

Chrome...from Rome.

Ohh, feel this leather.

Virgin ox.
Albino virgin.

Oh, my gosh, Willie,
look, a cellular phone.

Programmed for speed dialing.

Come on, Willie. Park your
carcass on that virgin ox.

- Yeah, come on, dad.
- Come on, hon.

- Eh..
- Yeah, dad, park it.

Yeah.

Uh, no, no.
I'm not..

I'm not getting in that car.

I can't. ALF.

We're not keeping the car.

What?

Why not, dad?

Yeah, Willie, how come?

- Because it's wrong.
- "Because it's wrong."

Why don't we just needlepoint
that into a sampler?

Look, we're not keeping a car
that costs 60 thousand--

- Ninety.
- Ninety thousand.

[mumbling]
Ninety thousand dollars.

What's bugging you, Willie?

Is it that your daughter drives
a better car than you do?

That has nothing to do with it.

We are returning this car.
Call Joel.

I can't. He's in Palm Springs
till Thursday.

Dad, please. I'll let you drive
my car anytime you want.

You wanna see how
the Gucci airbag works?

It's obvious, you cannot
have a rational conversation

in the presence of a Ferrari.

Alright.
We'll go into the kitchen.

No, we'll go into the kitchen.
You stay here.

Come on, Lynn.
Don't touch that airbag.

Fine.
I'll just preset the radio.

[chuckling]
Joel.

I know what you're thinking, I'm
the ogre, I'm the wet blanket.

Willie, no one is thinking that.

- I am.
- Me too.

I see.

Dad, you're not being fair,
the car was a gift.

No, no, no. No.
A gift is a tie tack.

A...pen and pencil set,
maybe a bowl.

We have all of those.
We need a car.

Look, I think we're losing sight
of what we agreed on here.

That things are appreciated more
when they're earned.

Not when they're
just handed to us.

There's no way I could
appreciate this more.

I'm sorry, Lynn. I'm sorry.

I just don't think that
a 16-year-old girl should have

a $90,000 Ferrari.

Unless she's a...
professional tennis player.

I'm not above
taking tennis lessons.

I don't think that's
what your father meant.

I'm afraid the car
is going back.

This is insane. We're actually
gonna give back a free Ferrari.

Yes we are,
first thing tomorrow.

But Joel's in Palm Springs.

I'll talk to Shektor.
I'll talk to Klein.

It doesn't matter.
Lynn, I'm sorry.

Uh, I'm sorry about this.
But this is the way I feel.

And I think in time..

...you'll come to
respect my decision.

It-it may not be today..

Obviously, it won't be today.

It won't be tomorrow either.

[engine revving]

- Willie?
- No, no, no.

This is not happening.

[tires screeching]

Oh, my God.

ALF laid rubber.

He's gone.

There's an alien out there
on the road somewhere

in a red Ferrari.

Maybe no one will notice.

What do we, dad?
We can't call the police.

We can't call the auto club.

We-we can't even call Joel.

Well, he wouldn't have
gotten very far.

Kate, that car goes
a 180 miles an hour.

He could be in Mexico by now.
We've got no choice.

We've got to call the police.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello?
- Alright, alright.

I'm gonna go out,
I'm gonna go next door

I'm gonna try to borrow
Trevor's car..

- Dad, it's for you.
- Not now, not no..

Just tell whoever it is
I'll-I'll call 'em back later.

He's gonna have to
call you back later, ALF.

ALF! ALF.

Willie, my man.

I gotta tell you
this thing flies like the wind.

Where are you,
where, what happened?

I don't know, all I did was
turn the engine on

before I knew it,
I was on the freeway.

What freeway?

The one headed for Oxnard.

Hey, while I'm there, I think
I'll check out that mango farm.

Forget the mango farm.

That's easy for you to say.

You're not a limited partner.

Nice move, buddy.

Yeah, you're another one.

Willie, where is he?

He's on his way to Oxnard.

Oxnard..

ALF, ALF,
pull off the road.

Pull the car off the road.

I can't, I'm in the fast lane.

Although, you'd never
know it by the way

these clowns are driving.

[car horn honking]
Come on, lady!

This ain't a parade.

ALF, don't yell at the other
drivers, they'll see you.

No way, I'm driving too fast.

Hey!
Ever hear of a turn signal?

Just look, ALF.
Listen to me.

Look at the road signs,
try to find out.

Locate exactly where you are.

Well, uh, I just passed
The Motel 6.

Hey, they're having
a beekeeper's convention.

Ouch! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ooh, gotta go.

Tell me!
Tell me where you are!

(ALF)
'Okay, okay,
I'm right near the..'

ALF! ALF..

Got disconnected.

Oh, no!

Look, I can't give
you any more information.

I just need to know which one
of your motels is having

a beekeeper's convention?

They all are?

Thank you very much.

- Well?
- Nothing.

We even went to the police
to see if there'd been a report

but, you know, aside from a pig
falling off of a U-Haul trailer

and an inordinate
number of bee stings

it-it's really,
it's been quite a quiet night.

[tires screeching]

ALF!

[crashing]

[groaning]

ALF!
ALF, are you okay?

Don't worry, I'm fine.

But this phone is
a piece of junk.

I'm gonna call Joel
just as soon as

he gets back from the Springs.

Forget the phone.
Forget Joel.

You've just crashed
into our garage..

...for the second time,
I might point out.

I'm sorry, Willie.
I really am.

I think I might need glasses.

Glasses?

I think you might
need a lawyer!

Now, Willie, calm down.

May I just say to you

I think it's very
irresponsible of you to take

the car out
on the road like this

to endanger your life
and the lives of others

and to make us worry.

And this sort of thing
seems to be repeating itself

over and over again.

There have been
some fun times.

Tell him, Kate.

There have been
some fun times, ALF.

A lot of fun times,
but this isn't one of 'em.

Look at what you've done!

Alright, alright, calm down.

Don't worry about it, Willie.
I'll pay for it.

And how do you
propose to do that?

Well, I'll call Joel tomorrow,
I'll sell the car.

And we'll use the money
to fix the garage.

You'll do that?
You'll call Joel?

Well, actually,
it'll be Joel's assistant.

Because, as I have mentioned,
Joel is in the Springs.

That sounds fair,
doesn't it, Willie?

I suppose so.

I-I suppose it does, ALF.

- I'm glad you weren't hurt.
- Thanks.

'Course, I'll want a complete
physical before I sign anything.

Just kidding, just kidding.

[telephone ringing]

Oh, that'll be Mrs. Ochmonek
about the hedge.

The hedge?

I'll get it.

(male #1)
'Mr. Tanner?'

Uh, that'll be the people
across the street.

Does your insurance
cover front porches?

I'll be right back.
Don't leave town.

ALF, I don't think I can ever
repay you for what you've done.

[police siren wailing]

What have you done?

Well, uh, I ran over
a few front lawns.

Clipped a couple of jay trees.

The rest is a blur.

I better go see
if I can help out.

[siren wailing]

[helicopter blades whirring]

Think I'll turn in
early tonight.

(ALF)
'Socket wrench.'

Gasket.

Gum.

Say, I know you don't
like me to ask but..

What's going on here?

I'm getting the old
crate in shape, William.

You're fixing my car?

Hey, we have to
save what we can.

Did I tell you
the mango grove went under?

You mean, it went
out of business?

Nope, it went under.

What is a fault line, anyway?

Under the ground?

- Is that what Joel told you?
- I trust him.

I'm gonna ask him
for the details

when he gets back
from Paraguay.

Anyway, there you go.
You're a one car family again.

Well, thanks.

- Ahh!
- No!

[laughing]
Just kidding.

See? Ha.

- Why do you do that to me?
- Because it's funny, man.

Say, uh..

Where'd you ever learn about
fixing cars anyway?

I used to watch "Route 66."
You pick things up.

That's amazing.

I'll tell you
what's more amazing.

That George Maharis
never got another series.

Anyway, the car's
purring like a kitten.

Which reminds me,
I'm hungry.

ALF, uh, I don't
know what to say.

I don't know how to
thank you for this.

No problem.

I-I think I'll just, uh..
I think I'll just back up.

Take it out for a spin.

'Whoa! No!'

Crowbar.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[music continues]

[ALF laughing]