Original subtitles

(Willie) This is the way it began that extraordinary night.

The night he came.

I'm gonna be in the garage, calling Bochev.

Me too! Who's Bochev?

Bochev is my friend in Yugoslavia.

Dad, can I look through the telescope?

Of course, my son, enjoy the cosmos.

Dad, can I talk to Natalie, after you're through?

Sure.

I wanna tell her about my new boyfriend.

New boyfriend? What's his name?

- Lash. - "Lash?"

That's not his real name, is it?

You don't approve, do you?

I don't even know...Lash.

This is K-7-2-6-X-A-A, Los Angeles calling Belgrade.

- How are you guys doing? - Fine, dad hates Lash.

And I'm looking for Venus.

Did you find it?

No, but the neighbors are watching "Body Heat" again.

Brian.

Stop spying on people.

- Just get ready for bed. - I'm hungry.

Well, that's because you didn't eat your mash potatoes.

I don't like mash potatoes.

Come on. Did anyone feed the cat?

- 'Oh, I'll feed him.' - Feed him my mash potatoes.

Lucky eats cat food.

Now, I know why we named him Lucky.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

- Oh! - Hoo!

- Darn! - You alright?

Yeah, I guess the CB must've crossed circuits

with the short wave.

You know, it's not easy being a 16-year-old.

[sighs] I know, I'm immature sometimes..

- You know, you put so much-- - I was talking about Lynn.

Lynn! Right.

[sighs] Was there a problem there?

She thinks you hate her boyfriend.

Such-such a bright girl.

I-I'll talk to her. Right away.

We will get this thing straightened out.

Let me just, let me just shut this thing off.

[machine beeping]

What's that noise?

[beeping continues]

Oh, my gosh.

It's the infrared radio band.

I've locked into something in space

a pulsar or a, or a satellite.

[beeping continues]

Hello? Hello? This is K-7-2-6-X-A-A. Can you read me?

[speaking in alien language]

They're answering, but I don't recognize the language.

Why don't you just shut it off?

I, I can't. I, I can't control it.

It's locked in on a signal.

[beeping continues]

Willie, Willie, what's that?

Oh, my gosh!

It can't be.

The lights! What happened to the lights?

Daddy, daddy, what's that thing in the sky?

- What's going on? - It's closing in fast.

I think maybe we better..

[crash]

[engine humming]

We...we have a visitor.

[theme music]

[music continues]

- Here he comes! Here he comes! - Brian, stay with me.

Oh, my gosh! It's hairy!

- Let's put it over here. - Not on the couch!

Lynn, clear off the coffee table.

- Quick! It's heavy. - Heavy and hairy!

[gasps]

I can't believe it.

What do you think it is?

A real alien.

Willie..

Willie, what is it?

I don't know.

Brian's right. It's an ALF.

- What? - An ALF.

An A-L-F. That's short for "Alien life form."

- Can ALF stay in my room? - No!

No, this thing is not staying in anyone's..

It's not staying!

Why not? E.T. got to stay.

E.T. was a movie. This is real.

This is on our coffee table.

This is incredible.

Truly amazing.

After all those years of wondering

and hoping that it might be possible

to contact alien life

to have this happen, it's a miracle.

It's the fulfillment of a lifelong dream.

- We've got to get rid of it. - Absolutely.

We don't know anything about it.

It could be dangerous. It could be diseased.

It could be hostile or have hostile friends

'or acquaintances. It could be anything.'

'You mother's right. We'd better report it to the authorities.'

But what if the authorities do something to it?

Yeah, what if they poke needles in it?

No, they wouldn't poke needles in it.

Would they, Willie?

Well, they could.

I don't think they would but they could.

And...they might.

I know this's very exciting, but I don't see any alternative.

We've got to report this!

What other choice do we have?

Argh! Ah, can I make a suggestion?

Yeah, sure, why not..

Well, if it's not too much trouble..

[grunts]

...how about fixing my spaceship?

Hello! Read my lips.

It talks.

It's heavy, it's hairy and it talks.

Good, now, how about fixing my spaceship

so I can get my heavy, hairy body out of here?

Uh, I-I'm not sure I can fix your spaceship.

I mean, not tonight, not-not in the dark.

Yeah, you could use a light in that driveway.

You know, I've been meaning the put one out there, but..

You know how it is, you get busy with one thing and another.

- Willie! - I'm sorry.

- It just seems so human! - Hey!

There's no need for name-calling.

I don't think we should get too friendly, Willie.

She's right.

Let's have a snack now.

We'll get friendly later.

Snack? What-what kind of a snack?

- You got a cat? - You eat cats?

- You can't eat Lucky. - No, no cat eating.

- Not in this house. - Alright, alright.

How about a cat-food can? I could use the roughage.

Can we give ALF a can, mom?

- Please? - Please?

Alright.

A dented one.

Come on, ALF.

We're going with you.

Trusts me about as far as she can throw me.

That is amazing. Isn't that amazing?

Willie, will you come down to Earth for a minute?

An alien being has come to live with us

and eat our cans and snack on our cat.

(ALF) 'Yeah, this will do fine.'

[munching]

Alright. Alright. Just give me one day, okay?

If I can't get ALF going, we'll tell somebody.

Just one day.

[Kate sighs]

Okay.

[Lucky snarls]

He's quick! I'll give him that.

[instrumental music]

[alarm buzzing]

Mm. Morning.

Morning.

[screaming]

- Willie! - Willie!

- What's going on out there? - Nothin'. Just screaming.

- Move out of the way. - No problem.

[sighs] Let me put it this way, Willie.

I don't think this is going to work out.

I'll take care of this. Everything's fine.

Everything's under control.

[toilet flushing]

Interesting concept.

Please, come away from there. Come, come on.

Come on! Over, over here by me.

We've a little problem we have to discuss.

Yeah, Lynn and I got to gabbing last night

and she sort of feels..

Boy, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?

Would you give those to me, please?

No problem.

You must understand

that Kate is very nervous

about this whole thing.

Absolutely. Who's Kate?

- My wife. - Oh, yeah. She snores.

- She doesn't snore. - You calling me a liar?

You just keep your distance, alright?

- And try to be considerate. - No problem.

That is not considerate.

That is...the opposite of considerate.

That is inconsiderate!

Look, look, let's just, uh..

Let's just settle down here.

Let's just take this one step at a time.

No, there's no need for you to shave.

- You look fine. - I wanna do everything you do.

You're my idol.

I'm.. I'm going to take a shower now.

Count me in.

I'd like to take it alone. Thank you.

Okay. Just don't use all the hot water.

- Do you mind? - Never saw a thing.

And stay away from the window.

We've got a very nosy neighbor, Mrs. Ochmonek.

"Ochmonek." Sounds like a typo.

Just don't let her see you. She might turn you in.

[grunts]

[bottles clanging]

Trevor, is there such a thing as a cross

between a kangaroo and an aardvark?

(Trevor) 'Ah, stop putting yourself down.'

I'm not talking about me.

I'm talking about that thing staring at me

'from that bathroom window.'

(Trevor) 'What?'

- I don't see nothing. - It was there a second ago.

And I think it was shaving.

Yeah, right, and I'm Sean Penn.

[screams]

- Towel. - You talking to me?

Yeah, would you hand me something to dry off with

please?

You got it.

Will this do the trick?

No problem.

[instrumental music]

¶ Left a good job in the city ¶

¶ Workin' for the man every night and day ¶

¶ But I never lost a minute of sleepin' ¶

¶ Worryin' 'bout the way things might have been ¶¶

ALF, you want to hand me that--

¶ Big wheel keep on turnin' ¶

(Willie) 'ALF, you wanna toss me--'

¶ Proud Mary keep on burnin' ¶¶

- ALF! - Yaow!

Yeah, how you doing up there, William?

Frankly, I could use a little help.

I don't know much about this thing.

Me either. I just turn the key and it goes.

I'll get the wrench, dad.

Hey, Lynn, you don't happen to have a phone in here, do you?

- No, why? - K-L-V-Z, Bonus tune.

Fifteenth caller wins a new Porsche.

Oh, wait, forget it. Must be a licensed driver.

- Wrench, please. - I'm a licensed driver.

Quick, what's the name of the tune?

Wrench, please.

"Born In The USA."

No wonder I didn't know it.

I'll call.

- 'Wrench!' - What's the phone number?

Area code, 3-1-1 5-5-5 9-8..

Wr-r-rench!

...4-5.

- Sorry, dad. - Thank you.

ALF.. I think you'd better try to make

contact with your...people.

I have tried. I've tried again and again.

It's-it's an exercise in futility.

Uh. Uh, let's face it. I'm trapped here!

I'll never see the-the purple side of my planet again!

[ALF sobbing]

Too dramatic?

[chuckling] Oh, ALF.

What are we gonna do with you?

I guess, you'll just have to love me

for as long as it lasts.

We will.

¶ Big wheel keep on turnin' ¶

¶ Proud Mary keep on burnin' ¶

2-3-4

¶ Rollin' rollin' ¶

¶ Rollin' on the river.. ¶¶

Look, if you're not gonna help--

I'm out of here. Look, if you need me, I'll be in the house.

- We won't need you. - I'll still be in the house.

Yo! Lucky, my man.

[Lucky snarls]

¶ Before my song is done ¶

¶ And now my song is done ¶¶

Do you get "Sesame Street," where you live?

No. And, frankly, I don't get it here either.

(women on TV) 'If you said, "It was the cow, riding on the subway."'

'You're absolutely right.'

Brilliant. This and the letter "I," in one day.

I got to get something to drink.

Me too.

Where are you two going?

We got to get something to drink.

We're parched.

Okay, but..

...no soda pop, and nothing to eat before dinner.

- Yes, ma'am. - Yes, ma'am.

Jeez, what's with the warden?

[pops]

I said no soda pop.

It's not soda pop. It's beer.

[burps] You're about out of Coors.

What?

[sighs] Give those to me!

Hey, careful. His is still full.

[sighs]

Now you just listen to me, ALF.

I will not allow this kind of behavior in my house.

This boy is only six years old, he is not to drink beer

and you are not to drink beer.

And I don't know what it's like on Mork

or whatever planet you come from but--

Melmac.

- What? - Melmac.

That was the name of my planet.

It's also what it was made out of.

What do you mean, "was?"

Well, you see that's the thing, Kate, uh...ma'am.

Melmac's history.

[chuckling] Wait a minute.

Um, are you trying to tell me that..

...you can't go back to Melmac?

It exploded.

This was my street.

Now, now, if Willie fixes my ship

I suppose I could start a new life

somewhere else, on some desolate crater-filled asteroid.

Spend the rest of my life fending off gamma rays.

No, ALF. No.

We want you to stay here with us, don't we, mom?

Brian, please try to understand.

Hey, the kid wants me to stay.

- ALF, do you mind? - Oh, yeah, no problem.

Honey, we can't hide ALF forever

and I can't go on like this.

Watching him every moment

wondering what he's going to do next.

But he'll be good. He won't break the rules anymore.

Will you, ALF?

Cross my heart!

[Lucky meows]

How you doing, Lucky?

See? No problem.

[ALF growls]

[knock on door]

Oh, no! Who could that be?

- I don't know. - Don't answer it, mom, please.

(Kate) 'Brian, I, I am going to answer the door.'

- No! - Yes!

It's probably just Mrs. Ochmonek but even if it's not--

- It's not! - What?

It's not Mrs. Ochmonek

unless she's just joined the army.

It is a military man.

What if he wants to take ALF away?

I don't know, Brian.

But if that's why he's here for and if I decide

that's the right thing to do

you'll just have to understand, okay?

Yes, mom.

[knock on door]

We gave at the office.

Shh! ALF.

[sighs] Did you fix the spaceship?

I'm sorry. I couldn't do it.

I just, I don't have the right parts.

[knocking continues]

Ball's in your court.

[knocking continues]

- Mrs. Tanner? - Yes.

I'm Darnell Valentine with the Alien Task Force

stationed at Edwards.

- 'Mind if I come in? - Yes, I do.

Fine with me.

Mrs. Tanner, we've received an anonymous tip

that you might be harboring a space creature.

- Uh, a space creature? - Yes.

Hairy. About three feet tall.

Is, uh...is he considered dangerous?

Hard to tell until we get in the lab.

Uh-huh and, um, what would you do with him

if you did get him, you know, in the lab?

Oh, the usual battery of tests.

We'll see how he responds to intense heat

freezing cold, high voltage

toxic substances, pain, sleep deprivation

inoculation, that's needles

and of course, dissection.

[gulps]

Why don't you just pull it's toenails out?

You didn't let me finish.

Don't bother.

We are not harboring any space creatures.

Fine. Thank you. Have a nice day.

Uh, excuse me, sir, could you, just tell us..

who gave you our name?

As I told Mrs. Tanner, that information is

strictly Ochmonek, uh, anonymous.

Goodbye.

- Thanks, mom. - Thanks, mom.

Yeah, thanks..

...mom.

I love this woman.

[instrumental music]

Let see if I can get this thing going.

Pull these here.

Melmac touch.

Hello!

Anybody there? Yo!

Calling anybody from Melmac. Hello?

Skip? Larry?

Muffy? It's Gordon.

Look, I don't know, if you can hear me

but I just wanted to let you know, I'm okay.

I-I'm living with what they call a family.

Yeah. They're-they're sort of like a herd, only smaller.

Yeah, there's this guy named, Willie

and he's got a good heart and lots of smarts

for someone without fur.

'Then there's his wife, Kate.'

'Well, she pretends she doesn't like me, but, uh..'

...she'll come around.

Yeah, oh, oh, and hey, dig this

her hair is the same color as mine.

Yeah, only hers is natural.

Haa! Haa! Ha! Yeah!

Yeah and they've got these two terrific kids

who-who both idolize me.

So, so you know they're okay.

But, uh, I wanted to tell you something.

I, uh, I really miss all of you.

And the thought of never seeing you again..

[sniffles] ...sort of breaks my heart.

'So, uh..'

...you know, if you could..

...try to get in touch with me..

...uh, or better yet, come by.

And, uh, I'll introduce you to these lovely people.

And then we could eat their cat.

So, the droid says to the cranble, "To tell you the truth

"I'd feel even better if she lived

another six light years away."

[all laughing]

(ALF) Yeah. Yeah.

I...I think that really was amusing

six, six light years away.

I guess you had to be there. I was!

[all laughing]

More mash potatoes, please.

Hey, lob 'em over here when you're done with them.

I'm getting kinda used to this mushy stuff.

I like mash potatoes too now, mom.

He likes mash potatoes now too.

You know, I hate to be a black cloud

but what are we gonna do with ALF when Lynn has her

pajama party next week?

- Oh, that's right. - Hey, no problem.

I wear a size five

but nothing with feet in it.

[all laughing]

Oh, I've got a zillion of 'em.

Here's another one you won't like.

Look, these two space travelers are going through Andromeda, see

and they run into a space patrol.

He was a rookie, now remember this it's important for

the end of the story. Anyway, while they're travelling..

[theme music]

[laughing]

[instrumental music]