Original subtitles

Man: THIS IS ROGER KELTING WITH THE 9:00 REPORT.

THE HEAT WAVE ROLLS ON AS THE CITY SWELTERS

THROUGH ITS EIGHTH CONSECUTIVE DAY

OF RECORD TEMPERATURES IN THE UPPER 90s.

THE TEMPERATURE IN CENTRAL PARK AT 9 A.M.

IS 96 DEGREES WITH NO RELIEF IN SIGHT.

MORE POWER BLACKOUTS IN THE CITY TODAY,

AND RESIDENTS IN SECTIONS OF QUEENS, JACKSON HEIGHTS,

AND THE MORRISANIA SECTION OF THE BRONX

AND THE BEDFORD AREA OF BROOKLYN

HAVE BEEN WITHOUT ANY LIGHTS OR ELECTRICITY

FOR 18 HOURS.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT!

HEH.

WHEW.

EXACT CHANGE ONLY.

WELL, I--I'M SORRY.

I JUST DIDN'T WAKE UP WITH THE EXACT CHANGE TODAY.

OFF, MISTER. LET THE PEOPLE THROUGH.

WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO BE BORN WITH 35 CENTS IN MY POCKET?

OFF! OFF!

OH, FOR CRYING...

JOE.

JOE!

47th AND MADISON.

HUH?

4--40--

47th AND MADISON!

GOT ANY AIR CONDITIONING UP THERE?

WHAT?

AIR CONDITIONING?

YEAH. IT'S ON. ISN'T IT GREAT?

IT'S GREAT UP THERE. BACK HERE, IT'S A COFFIN.

HERE. KEEP 35 CENTS FOR YOURSELF.

HEY, WHAT?

KEEP 35 CENTS FOR YOURSELF!

HEY, IT'S LOCKED.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IT'S JAMMED. I CAN'T--

WILL YOU OPEN THIS THING UP!

I CAN'T BREATHE IN HERE.

HEY, STOP KICKING. YOU'LL BREAK MY CAB!

YOU'RE A VERY NERVOUS FELLOW

WITH THE KICKING AND THE BANGING.

I SEE YOU AGAIN, I AIN'T PICKING YOU UP.

I DON'T LIKE NERVOUS PEOPLE.

THEY MAKE ME NERVOUS!

OOP, OOP, OOP.

HEH HEH HEH. HEY, MEL.

HEY, UH, CHARLIE.

I'M LATE. HOW'S EDNA?

WHO?

EDNA.

EDNA?

OH, SH--FINE.

THE GIRLS?

THE GIRLS? THEY'RE FINE, I GUESS.

THEY'RE IN SCHOOL.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK.

I DON'T SLEEP TOO WELL IN THIS WEATHER.

HEAR THINGS ARE A LITTLE ROUGH IN THE OFFICE.

HUH? ROUGH.

YOU KNOW, FOR YOU LOUSY.

EXCUSE ME.

YEAH, IT'S JUST, UH, IT'S THE SEASON.

YOU KNOW, THINGS'LL GET BETTER.

I HOPE SO.

WAS THAT YOUR FLOOR?

HMM? NO. I'M 16.

THAT WAS 16.

OH, GOD, I MUST BE DREAMING.

I'M LUCKY I'M IN THE RIGHT BUILDING.

I'LL GET OFF ON THIS NEXT ONE.

I'LL SEE YA, CHARLIE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE DOORS?

I THINK WE'RE STUCK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE STUCK?

IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY. THEY OVERLOAD THE POWER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE'RE TRAPPED IN HERE?

THEY KNOW WE'RE HERE. THEY'LL GET IT GOING.

MAYBE THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD HOLLER FOR HELP OR SOMETHING.

PRESS THE ALARM BUTTON.

PRESS THE ALARM BUTTON. CAN YOU--

[CLICKING]

I DON'T THINK IT'S WORKING.

I TOLD YOU. WE SHOULD YELL FOR HELP.

H-HELP! HELP!

H-H-HELP.

HELP.

HELP!

HE-EH!

AHEM. AHEM.

HELP, UH, OH...

SEE YOU, MEL.

HELEN...

PUH! THERE'S NO WATER.

OH, I'M SORRY. DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO FILL IT.

IT WAS TYPING SOME LETTERS FOR MR. BROCKMAN.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS SECRETARY?

SHE WAS LAID OFF YESTERDAY.

THEY WANT ME TO DOUBLE BETWEEN YOU AND MR. BROCKMAN

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE. IF YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT.

I CAN HANDLE IT, ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, THERE REALLY HASN'T BEEN THAT MUCH TO DO

AROUND HERE LATELY, HAS THERE?

I--I PUT SOME VOUCHERS ON YOUR DESK TO SIGN.

FOR WHAT?

SANDWICH YOU SENT OUT FOR YESTERDAY.

FROM NOW ON,

NO OUTSIDE FOOD CAN BE CHARGED TO THE COMPANY.

WAS AN EGG SALAD AND A COKE, WASN'T IT?

YEAH, AND A PICKLE. BIG PICKLE.

RIGHT. I PUT DOWN THE PICKLE.

GOOD. BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANY CONCERN

AT THE ANNUAL STOCKHOLDERS' MEETING.

OH...

GOD.

GOD, GOD, GOD.

[COUGHING]

MEL?

HUH? WHAT?

CAN'T YOU SLEEP?

IF I COULD SLEEP, WOULD I BE LAYING HERE

CALLING GOD AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

AH, NOTHING. NOTHING.

SOMETHING'S THE MATTER, MEL.

YOU KNOW IT'S 12 DEGREES IN HERE.

MIDDLE OF A GODDAMN HEAT WAVE.

IT'S 12 DEGREES IN HERE.

I'LL TURN THE AIR CONDITIONER OFF.

THEN HOW DO WE BREATHE?

84 DEGREES OUTSIDE, AND IT'S 12 DEGREES INSIDE.

EITHER WAY, THEY'RE GOING TO GET ME.

YOU WANT ANOTHER BLANKET?

I GOT ANOTHER BLANKET.

I CALLED THE SUPERINTENDENT.

HE SAID HE'D BE UP TO FIX IT TOMORROW.

[COUGHS]

WHY DO THEY BOTHER PRINTING ON IT "HIGH,"

"MEDIUM," AND "LOW"? EVERYTHING IS "HIGH."

"LOW" IS "HIGH," "MEDIUM" IS "HIGH."

ONE OF THESE NIGHTS, I'M GONNA PUT IT ON "HIGH,"

THEY'LL HAVE TO GET A FLAME-THROWER

TO GET US OUT IN THE MORNING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MEL?

GO BACK TO SLEEP.

I CAN'T SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE TENSE LIKE THIS.

I'M NOT TENSE. I'M FROZEN STIFF.

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE?

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE.

GO TO SLEEP, EDNA.

OH...GOD.

DO YOU MIND IF I TELL YOU SOMETHING?

DO YOU MIND VERY MUCH?

YOU WERE TENSE WHEN YOU WALKED INTO THE HOUSE TONIGHT.

YOU'VE BEEN TENSE FOR A WEEK.

WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?

I'VE SEEN YOU WHEN YOU GET THIS WAY.

WHAT IS IT? IT'S NOTHING. I'M TIRED.

I'M UP NOW. YOU MIGHT AS WELL TELL ME.

WELL, I'M TELLING YOU IT'S NOTHING.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S EVERYTHING.

IT'S THIS APARTMENT, UH, THIS BUILDING.

IT'S THIS CITY.

NOW, LISTEN...

COME LISTEN TO THIS.

2:00 IN THE MORNING, ONE CAR'S DRIVING AROUND

IN JACKSON HEIGHTS. WE CAN HEAR IT.

14 STORIES UP,

I HEAR THE SUBWAY BETTER THAN I HEAR IT IN THE SUBWAY.

WE'RE LIKE SOME KIND OF AN ANTENNA HERE.

ALL THE SOUND COMES UP THROUGH THIS APARTMENT

AND THEN OUT TO THE CITY.

WE'VE LIVED HERE FOR 6 YEARS.

IT NEVER BOTHERED YOU BEFORE.

WELL, IT'S WORSE NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I'M GETTING OLDER, MORE SENSITIVE TO...

[MUSIC PLAYS] SOUNDS AND NOISE...

2:00 IN THE MORNING.

YOU BELIEVE IT'S STILL GOING ON NEXT DOOR?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?

YOU DON'T HEAR THAT? YOU MUST BE DEAF.

I MUST BE DEAF. I DON'T HEAR A THING.

WELL, LISTEN, FOR GOD'S--

YOU DON'T HEAR THE BEAT, BEAT, BEAT OF THE TOM-TOM

AS THE JUNGLE SHADOWS FALL,

OR THE TICK, TICK, TOCK OF THE STATELY CLOCK

AS IT STANDS AGAINST THE WALL?

* NIGHT AND DAY * YOU DON'T HEAR THAT?

NOT WHEN YOU'RE TALKING OR SINGING

OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING, I DON'T.

IT'S THOSE 2 GERMAN AIRLINE HOSTESSES.

EVERY NIGHT THEY GOT SOMEBODY ELSE IN THERE--

2 HOCKEY PLAYERS, 2 BASKETBALL--

WHATEVER TEAM'S IN TOWN.

WIN OR LOSE,

NOBODY LOSES WHEN THEY WIND UP IN THERE.

EVERY GODDAMN--

SOMEWHERE THERE'S A 747 FLYING AROUND--

EVERYBODY'S SERVING THEMSELVES

'CAUSE THOSE 2 BROADS NEVER LEAVE THE APARTMENT.

[CLATTERING]

HOLY--COME HERE.

[LAUGHTER] COME HERE.

TELL ME YOU CAN'T HEAR THAT.

YES. NOW I HEAR IT.

IS IT ANY WONDER I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT?

DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR HEAD NEXT TO THE WALL.

SLEEP IN THE BEDROOM.

WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF IN THERE?

IT IS 2 DAMN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!

I CRACKED THE WALL.

I BARELY TOUCHED IT, AND I CRACKED THE WALL.

IT'S LUCKY I WASN'T HANGING A PICTURE.

WE ALL COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED.

IT WAS STARTING TO CRACK BEFORE.

THEY'RE COMING TO FIX IT ON MONDAY.

NOT MONDAY.

NO. TOMORROW. I WANT THAT FIXED TOMORROW.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

I'LL TELL THEM.

AND TELL THEM ABOUT THE AIR CONDITIONER,

AND THE WINDOW IN OUR BEDROOM

THAT NEVER OPENS UNLESS IT RAINS,

AND THEN YOU CAN'T SHUT IT TILL THERE'S A DAMN FLOOD.

AND THEN TELL HIM ABOUT THE TOILET

THAT NEVER STOPS FLUSHING.

IT STOPS FLUSHING IF YOU JIGGLE IT.

WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO JIGGLE IT?

WITH THE MONEY THAT I'M PAYING AROUND HERE,

DO I HAVE TO STAND OVER A TOILET

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND JIGGLE

EVERY TIME I GO TO THE BATHROOM?

WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH, GET BACK INTO BED,

TELL ME, AND I'LL JIGGLE IT.

YOU GO TO BED, EDNA.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT JIGGLING ANYMORE.

DO YOU HEAR ME? PLEASE GO TO SLEEP.

I CAN'T SLEEP WHEN I KNOW YOU'RE WALKING AROUND

UP HERE HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

I'M NOT HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

I'M JUST A LITTLE TENSE.

OH, GOD.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A VALIUM?

I TOOK ONE.

TAKE ANOTHER ONE.

I TOOK ANOTHER ONE. THEY DON'T WORK ANYMORE.

2 VALIUMS. THEY HAVE TO WORK.

GO TELL THEM. I DIDN'T READ THE INSTRUCTIONS.

[WOMAN LAUGHS]

OH, DON'T YOU EVER FLY ANYWHERE?

GO KEEP SOMEONE IN EUROPE AWAKE!

MEL, WILL YOU STOP IT? YOU'RE REALLY MAKING ME NERVOUS NOW.

WHAT IS WRONG?

YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD. YOU LOOK PALE. YOU LOOK--

WHY ARE YOU RUBBING YOUR STOMACH?

I'M NOT RUBBING IT. I'M JUST HOLDING IT.

WHY ARE YOU HOLDING YOUR STOMACH?

I DON'T KNOW.

INDIGESTION PROBABLY, THAT CRAP I HAD FOR LUNCH.

WHERE'D YOU EAT?

IN A HEALTH FOOD RESTAURANT.

IF YOU CAN'T EAT HEALTH FOOD ANYMORE,

WHAT THE HELL CAN YOU EAT?

I'LL MAKE YOU A NICE CUP OF TEA.

I COULD USE ONE MYSELF.

UH, NOTHING IS SAFE ANYMORE.

I READ IN THE NEWSPAPER

WHERE 2 WHITE MICE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY

GOT DIABETES FROM EATING GRAHAM CRACKERS.

IT WAS IN THE "NEW YORK TIMES."

IS THAT WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?

DID YOU EAT GRAHAM CRACKERS TODAY?

FOOD USED TO BE SO GOOD.

I USED TO LOVE FOOD.

I HAVEN'T EATEN FOOD SINCE I WAS 13.

TOMORROW NIGHT I'LL MAKE YOU SOME REAL FOOD.

I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE IT.

I HAVEN'T HAD A REAL PIECE OF BREAD FOR 30 YEARS.

IF I'D KNOWN WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN,

I'D HAVE SAVED SOME ROLLS WHEN I WAS A KID.

I JUST CAN'T BREATHE IN HERE.

CHRIST, WHAT A STINK!

[SNIFFING]

WHAT THE...

WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT?

14 STORIES UP, YOU CAN SMELL THE GARBAGE FROM HERE.

WHY DO THEY PUT GARBAGE OUT IN 84-DEGREE HEAT?

[SNIFF SNIFF]

HEY, EDNA, YOU WANT TO SMELL THE GARBAGE?

I SMELL IT. I SMELL IT.

YOU CAN'T SMELL IT FROM THERE.

COME HERE WHERE YOU CAN SMELL IT.

THAT A RIPPER?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SMELL IT,

YOU HAVE TO STAND RIGHT HERE.

THE WHOLE COUNTRY'S BEING BURIED BY GARBAGE,

KEEPS PILING UP HIGHER AND HIGHER.

IN 3 YEARS, THIS APARTMENT'S GONNA BE THE SECOND FLOOR.

WHAT CAN THEY DO, MEL--

SAVE IT UP AND PUT IT OUT IN THE WINTER?

THEY GOT TO THROW IT OUT SOMETIME.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT GARBAGE.

I CAN'T TALK TO YOU.

I CAN'T TALK TO YOU ANYMORE!

MEL, I'M A HUMAN BEING, THE SAME AS YOU.

I GET COLD, I GET HOT.

I SMELL GARBAGE, I HEAR NOISE.

YOU EITHER LIVE WITH IT OR YOU GET OUT.

IF YOU'RE A HUMAN BEING,

THEN YOU RESERVE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN,

TO PROTEST. IF YOU GIVE UP THAT RIGHT,

THEN YOU CEASE TO EXIST.

I PROTEST AGAINST STINKING GARBAGE

AND JIGGLING TOILETS! [DOG BARKING]

AND BARKING DOGS! NOW, SHUT UP!

DAMN IT.

YOU GONNA TO STAND HERE AND YELL AT THE DOG?

BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP.

WELL, HOW ARE YOU GONNA SLEEP

WITH A DOG SCREAMING LIKE THAT?

HEY, KEEP THAT DOG QUIET DOWN THERE, HUH?

THERE'S HUMAN BEINGS SLEEPING UP HERE!

CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

Man: SHUT UP DOWN THERE!

WE GOT CHILDREN UP HERE!

WELL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU YELLING AT ME FOR?

YOU WANT TO COMPLAIN? GO DOWN AND KEEP THE DOG COMPANY.

JUST KEEP IT QUIET.

MEL, WILL YOU STOP IT? STOP IT, FOR GOD'S SAKES.

WILL YOU STOP TELLING ME TO STOP IT?

NOW, DON'T TELL ME TO STOP IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA STAND HERE

AND LET YOU TAKE IT OUT ON ME.

NOW, IF IT'S TOO MUCH FOR YOU,

TAKE A ROOM AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY!

BUT DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME!

I'M GOING TO SLEEP. GOOD NIGHT.

EDNA.

DON'T GO.

TALK TO ME...

FOR A FEW MINUTES.

I THINK I'M LOSING MY MIND.

WHAT IS IT, MEL?

I'M UNRAVELING.

I--I--I, UH... I'M LOSING TOUCH.

SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO ME

BECAUSE I'M LOSING CONTROL.

I CAN'T--I CAN'T HANDLE ANYTHING. I...

HEH.

I FORGOT HOW TO WORK THE WATER COOLER TODAY.

I STOOD THERE WITH AN EMPTY CUP IN MY HAND

AND WATER RUNNING ALL OVER MY SHOES.

OH.

IT'S NOT JUST YOU.

IT'S EVERYBODY.

EVERYBODY'S FEELING THE TENSIONS THESE DAYS.

OH, TENSION.

GOD, IF I COULD JUST FEEL TENSION.

WHEN YOU'RE TENSE, YOU'RE TIGHT.

YOU'RE HOLDING ON TO SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GRAB.

I'M SLIPPING.

I'M SCARED.

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.

NOW WHAT ABOUT SEEING THE ANALYST AGAIN?

UH, UH, DR. PAKE? HE'S DEAD.

6 YEARS OF MY LIFE AND $23,000. HE GOT MY MONEY.

WHAT DOES HE DOES HE CARE IF HE GETS A HEART ATTACK?

THERE ARE OTHER GOOD DOCTORS.

YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE ELSE.

WHAT'S THE USE?

GOD, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM OR WHO I AM.

I--I'M DISAPPEARING.

I DON'T NEED AN ANALYST. I NEED LOST AND FOUND.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

WHO COULD THAT BE?

WHAT?

[RING]

I'LL GET IT.

HELLO.

YES, THIS--

YEAH, THIS IS APARTMENT 14-A,

AND WHAT ABOUT IT?

WHAT? HA! I'M KEEPING YOU AWAKE?

WELL, WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK GOT ME UP

TO GET YOU UP IN THE FIRST PLACE?

WHAT? DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE GOT A PLANE

TO STUTTGART IN THE MORNING. YOU--

I'LL TALK AS LOUD AS I WANT!

THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF SUBLET, YOU KNOW!

I'M A REGULAR, AMERICAN PAYING TENANT.

SHH. THINK I--SHH!

YOU WANT TO BANG ON THE WALL,

YOU'LL GET A BANG RIGHT BACK.

IF THEY BANG ON THE WALL, I WANT YOU TO BANG BACK.

OH, MEL, WHAT ARE YOU STARTING IN FOR?

WILL YOU-- [BANG BANG]

BANG BACK.

IT'S 2:30. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

THEY'LL GO TO SLEEP. WILL YOU BANG BACK?

IF I BANG BACK, THEY'RE ONLY GONNA BANG BACK AT ME!

WILL YOU BANG BACK?

I'LL BANG. I'LL BANG.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT?

[BANG BANG]

BANG BACK.

[BANG BANG]

BANG BACK.

[BANG BANG] OW.

BANG BACK!

OW.

[BANG BANG]

GO ON!

HI, HELEN, ANY CALLS FOR ME?

NO, MR. EDISON. NO CALLS.

WHAT'S WRONG?

MR. BROCKMAN WAS FIRED THIS MORNING.

JIM BROCKMAN? JESUS.

MR. DURSTAN CALLED HIM INTO HIS OFFICE

ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

GUESS YOU'LL BE SHARING ME WITH MR. DURSTAN NOW.

YEAH, YEAH. SURE.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

YES, MR. DURSTAN?

YES. RIGHT AWAY. YEAH.

MEL?

HMM?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST THINKING.

ABOUT WHAT?

NOTHING.

THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE, MEL.

IF YOU'RE THINKING, IT HAS TO BE ABOUT SOMETHING.

OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST STARING.

I WAS JUST THINKING.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T WE RELAX THIS WEEKEND?

YOUR BROTHER HARRY CALLED

AND INVITED US OUT TO THE COUNTRY.

I'M NOT GOING TO HARRY'S--

4-HOUR DRIVE EACH WAY,

ANOTHER 4 HOURS LISTENING TO HOW BIG HIS POOL IS.

A DAY AWAY FROM THIS

MIGHT BE WONDERFUL FOR YOU--THE FRESH AIR.

HE'LL GIVE ME BREATHING LESSONS.

EVERY TIME I GO TO THE COUNTRY,

HARRY GIVES ME BREATHING LESSONS.

I TOLD HIM WE'D COME.

THEN WHY DO YOU ASK ME?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY WE'RE GOING TO HARRY'S ON SUNDAY

TO LOOK AT HIS POOL AND LEARN HOW TO BREATHE?

WE'RE GOING TO HARRY'S ON SUNDAY

TO LOOK AT HIS POOL AND LEARN HOW TO BREATHE.

[DOGS BARK]

CHRIST, I FORGOT ABOUT THOSE DOGS.

THEY'RE KILLERS, BOTH OF THEM.

OH, THEY'RE NOT, MEL. THEY'RE SWEET.

THEY'RE LIKE THEIR OWN KIDS.

I'M AFRAID OF THEIR KIDS, TOO.

HELLO.

HA HA! HERE THEY ARE.

HELLO! HELLO!

WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY, CITY FOLKS!

[DOGS BARKING] HA HA HA!

HELLO. HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU?

HARRY.

HELLO, HARRY.

HARRY! OH, HARRY!

ALL RIGHT, NOW. BE CAREFUL.

THERE'S SOME POISON IVY AROUND HERE.

WELL, WHY ARE WE WALKING HERE?

'CAUSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

THIS IS ALL MY PROPERTY WE'RE WALKING ON.

THESE ARE MY BUSHES, MY TREES, MY EARTH.

THESE YOUR MOSQUITOES, TOO?

GNATS. THEY'RE NOT MOSQUITOES. THEY'RE GNATS.

GNATS?

WE DON'T HAVE MOSQUITOES. THEY'RE GNATS.

WELL, I'M GLAD THEY'RE JUST GNATS.

THEY DON'T BOTHER YOU, HUH?

THEY DON'T BOTHER ME. I DON'T BOTHER THEM.

THEY ONLY BOTHER PEOPLE FROM THE CITY.

IS THAT POISON IVY?

WHERE? RIGHT THERE.

WHERE? NO, NO, NO. THAT'S WEEDS.

OH.

THAT'S JUST WEEDS.

WHERE YOU'RE STANDING IS POISON IVY.

ORGANIC. THIS IS ALL ORGANIC.

MMM.

YOU DON'T GET ORGANIC VEGETABLES IN THE CITY, DO YOU, EDNA?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

I BOIL IT, WE EAT IT, I THROW THE PAPER AWAY,

AND WE FEEL ROTTEN.

WELL, OF COURSE.

I'M GONNA TEACH YOU TO GROW YOUR OWN VEGETABLES.

I MEAN YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR TERRACE.

NOW, FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO LEARN

IS TO GET YOURSELF INTO THE SOIL.

COME ON NOW, EDNA. JUST GET RIGHT INTO THE SOIL.

MMM.

UH-HUH.

IT'S WONDERFUL.

FEEL LIKE A LITTLE SWIM, MEL, HUH?

A LITTLE SWIM?

MAYBE LATER.

MAYBE LATER, HUH? A LITTLE SWIM.

HOW BIG YOU THINK THAT POOL IS, MEL?

GO ON. TAKE A GUESS.

YOU TOLD ME LAST TIME, HARRY. IT'S 40 BY 15.

50 BY 15. I HAD IT ENLARGED.

I COULD GET 160 PEOPLE IN THERE.

YOU REALLY WANT TO, HARRY?

YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING.

YOU LOOK PALE, MEL, TIRED.

YOU SHOULD HAVE COME OUT HERE WEEKS AGO.

YOU OK, KID?

OH, HARRY, I'M 48. I'M HARDLY A KID ANYMORE.

I'M 55, AND I FEEL LIKE A KID.

I HAVE EVER SINCE I MOVED OUT OF THE CITY.

BREATHE THAT AIR IN, MEL. FILL YOUR LUNGS UP.

IT'LL STAY WITH YOU A WEEK.

I'LL DO IT BEFORE WE GO. IT'LL LAST LONGER.

KID ME IF YOU WANT TO.

I'VE GOT THE LUNGS OF A 25-YEAR-OLD BOY.

I'VE GOT THE X-RAYS INSIDE.

YOU WANT TO SEE THEM?

MAYBE AFTER LUNCH.

AFTER LUNCH.

[SIGH]

HOW MANY YEARS HAVE I BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU

TO MOVE TO THE COUNTRY?

FRESH AIR, LOW CRIME RATE.

IN 2 YEARS, WE'VE HAD ONLY 4 BURGLARIES,

2 ATTEMPTED RAPES, AND ONE COMPLETED RAPE.

IN 2 YEARS. GIVE ME THE COUNTRY ANYTIME.

DON'T LIE THERE, MEL.

WE'VE JUST HAD MANURE PUT DOWN.

HUH?

WELL, LISTEN, TELL ME ABOUT THE GIRLS.

DO THEY LIKE COLLEGE?

KAREN SEEMS VERY HAPPY.

MAGGIE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT. SHE NEVER WRITES.

OH, COME ON. TRY IT.

AW.

UH, UP AND DOWN. UM...

UP AND DOWN, NEVER SIDEWAYS.

NEVER SIDEWAYS.

OK, I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOURSELF ALL DAY,

NOW THAT THE GIRLS ARE GONE?

I MEAN, IT MUST BE VERY LONELY FOR YOU.

WELL, IT IS SOMETIMES.

I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT GOING BACK TO WORK,

BUT I DON'T KNOW--

I LIKE TO BE HOME WHEN MEL GETS THERE.

OH. AAH!

UP AND DOWN.

UP AND DOWN, NEVER SIDEWAYS.

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING, MEL,

SOMETHING PERSONAL?

AFTER ALL, I'M YOUR BROTHER FOR 55 YEARS.

48 YEARS.

YOU HAD 7 ON YOUR OWN.

55, 48, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

I THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG.

I THINK YOU GOT SOME KIND OF TROUBLE, MEL.

I'M NOT BLIND.

I SEE YOU'RE NOT ENJOYING YOURSELF HERE!

I'VE BEEN HERE 3 HOURS, HARRY.

SO FAR, I GOT POISON IVY, I'M CHEWED UP BY GNATS,

I LAID DOWN IN MANURE,

AND YOUR DOG PIDDLED ALL OVER MY CAR,

SO I HAVEN'T REALLY HAD A HELL OF A LOT OF TIME

FOR RURAL ECSTASY.

YOU KNOW, I CAN TELL JUST BY THE WAY

YOU PUT THAT SCOTCH AWAY.

YOU TELL WHAT?

THAT SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG. NOTHING IS--

I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT IT IS

SO THAT MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU WITH IT.

WHAT IS IT, MEL? TROUBLE WITH EDNA?

ANOTHER WOMAN? WHAT?

CHRIST, EDNA'S THE ONLY DAMN THING IN THIS WORLD

THAT I CAN DEPEND ON.

THEN YOU GOT NO TROUBLES.

IF A MAN IS HAPPY WITH HIS WIFE,

HE'S GOT HIS HEALTH, HE'S GOT NO TROUBLES.

I GOT FIRED, HARRY.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GOT A PROBLEM...

BUT NOT TROUBLE.

GOOD. FOR A MINUTE THERE, I WAS WORRIED.

I'M NOT SAYING IT'S WONDERFUL NEWS,

BUT IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

DON'T PANIC, ALL RIGHT?

OH, JESUS.

THE MINUTE THE LEAST LITTLE THING WOULD HAPPEN,

YOU'D ALWAYS PANIC. AM I RIGHT?

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, HARRY.

EVERY TIME I LOSE A JOB AFTER 22 YEARS, I PANIC.

LOOK AT THIS. YOU WERE 4 YEARS OLD.

LOOK HOW YOU WERE CRYING. LOOK HOW YOU WERE PANICKING.

LOOK HOW CALM I AM.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GET UP ON THE GODDAMN PONY.

I'VE BEEN ON PLENTY OF PONIES IN MY TIME,

BIGGER PONIES THAN THIS.

I WAS THE BREADWINNER IN THIS FAMILY.

DON'T FORGET THAT.

I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN THE BREAD, I PROMISE.

BUT I NEVER PANICKED.

I ALWAYS TRIED TO EXAMINE THE SITUATION INTELLIGENTLY.

YOU ALWAYS FELL APART.

YOU WERE THAT WAY WHEN YOU WERE A BABY IN THE CRIB.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?

DISTINCTLY.

I REMEMBER PANICKING IN THE CRIB.

YOU ALWAYS SAT IN THE HIGHCHAIR,

FIGURED THINGS OUT INTELLIGENTLY. I REMEMBER.

WHA-WHAT WAS THE REASON THEY GAVE YOU?

YOU WERE WITH THE COMPANY OVER 20 YEARS.

THEY LOST $3 MILLION LAST YEAR

AND 2 THE YEAR BEFORE.

THEY'RE JUST LOOKING TO SAVE PENNIES.

THE VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF MY DEPARTMENT

USED THE SAME PAPER CLIP FOR 6 MONTHS.

NOBODY EVER CAME TO WORK LATE ANYMORE.

THEY WERE ALL AFRAID IF YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP ON TIME,

SOMEBODY WOULD SELL YOUR DESK.

IN OTHER WORDS, YOU SAW IT COMING.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO, DON'T YOU?

YOU CAN COME IN WITH ME.

THANK YOU, HARRY. NO OFFENSE--

I JUST DON'T THINK I'M CUT OUT

FOR THE CHANDELIER BUSINESS.

LIGHTING FIXTURES.

NOT JUST CHANDELIERS.

LIGHTING FIXTURES!

AND DON'T KNOCK IT.

HARRY, COULD WE TURN ALL OF THIS OFF?

IT LOOKS LIKE A NIGHT GAME AT SHEA STADIUM.

HUH?

AND WHAT DID EDNA SAY WHEN YOU TOLD HER?

NOTHING.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

NO TEARS, NO PANIC. I KNEW IT.

SHE'S GOT A LOT OF STRENGTH, THAT GIRL.

I DIDN'T TELL HER, HARRY.

OH, MY GOD. I WONDER HOW SHE'S GONNA TAKE IT.

WHY DO YOU THINK I SLEPT 2 MINUTES IN 6 WEEKS?

I KEEP PRAYING AND WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO TURN UP

BEFORE I HAVE TO TELL HER.

TELL HER, MEL.

TELL HER. DON'T BEAR THIS BURDEN BY YOURSELF.

IT HELPS TO SHARE THESE THINGS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

I TOLD YOU, AND I DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER.

I'M NOT YOUR WIFE.

THIS IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO SHARE WITH YOUR WIFE.

WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO SHARE WITH YOUR WIFE?

DINNER.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR STEAKS?

MEDIUM.

MEDIUM.

MEDIUM.

WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT SO LONG WITH HARRY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I NEVER LISTEN WHEN I'M TALKING TO HARRY.

TALK TO ME, MEL. I'M A GOOD LISTENER.

EDNA...

YES, MEL?

GET A DOLLAR FOR THE TOLL.

Man: THIS IS DAN ROLAND WITH NEWS ON THE HOUR.

IT'S 5:00, AND THE TEMPERATURE IS 92 DEGREES.

A MEMBER OF THE ALBANIAN DIPLOMATIC CORPS

WAS MUGGED AND ROBBED TODAY IN CENTRAL PARK,

DESPITE THE FACT THAT 2 MOUNTED PATROLMEN

WERE ONLY 100 YARDS AWAY.

THE ALBANIAN CLAIMED HE SCREAMED LOUDLY FOR 2 MINUTES,

BUT UNFORTUNATELY

DID NOT KNOW THE ENGLISH WORD FOR "HELP."

GOOD AFTERNOON.

AH, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHAT?

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

GOD.

385 EAST 88th STREET, APARTMENT 14-A.

CORNER OF SECOND AVENUE.

I DON'T KNOW YET.

UH, THE TELEVISION, SOME JEWELRY,

LIQUOR, CLOTHING-- LOTS OF CLOTHING.

ALL MY DRESSES, MY-MY COATS...

AND ALL OF MY HUSBAND'S SUITS--

THERE'S NOT A THING LEFT IN HIS CLOSET.

WELL, COULD YOU SEND SOMEBODY RIGHT AWAY

BECAUSE I'M ALL ALONE HERE?

THANK YOU.

GOODBYE.

VALIUM.

I NEED A VALIUM.

[SIGH]

EDNA?

OH...

MEL, IT'S YOU.

DIDN'T MILDRED COME IN TO CLEAN TODAY?

NOT TODAY. MONDAYS AND THURSDAYS.

WELL, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

WHY IS THIS PLACE SUCH A MESS?

WE'VE BEEN ROBBED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ROBBED?

ROBBED.

ROBBED.

WHAT DOES "ROB" MEAN?

THEY COME IN, THEY TAKE THINGS OUT.

YOU HAD 'EM, NOW THEY GOT 'EM.

THEY USED TO BE YOURS, NOW THEY'RE THEIRS.

WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!

UH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU MEAN SOMEONE WALKED IN HERE AND ROBBED US?

WHAT DO YOU THINK, THEY CALLED UP AND MADE AN APPOINTMENT?

WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!

CALM DOWN. TAKE IT EASY.

I'M ASKING ONE SIMPLE QUESTION.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID THEY GET?

I DON'T KNOW YET. I WAS OUT SHOPPING.

I WAS ONLY GONE 5 MINUTES--

I CAME BACK AND FOUND IT LIKE THIS.

YOU COULDN'T HAVE BEEN GONE 5 MINUTES.

WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS PLACE?

5 MINUTES. THAT'S ALL I WAS GONE.

WELL, IT TOOK THE 7 SANTINI BROTHERS 2 DAYS

TO MOVE EVERYTHING IN HERE.

HOW COULD A COUPLE OF JUNKIES

MOVE IT OUT IN 5 MINUTES?

WHO KNOWS? IT'S A SPECIAL TALENT.

WHEN YOU CAME BACK IN THE BUILDING,

DID YOU NOTICE ANYBODY SUSPICIOUS-LOOKING?

EVERYONE IN THIS BUILDING IS SUSPICIOUS-LOOKING.

WELL, DID YOU NOTICE ANYBODY LEAVING THE BUILDING

WITH ANY BUNDLES OR PACKAGES?

3 GUYS CAME OUT OF THE ELEVATOR.

HOW SHOULD I KNOW IT WAS OUR TELEVISION?

THEY TOOK THE TELEVISION.

A BRAND-NEW, COLOR TELEVISION.

YOU SAW THEM AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?

WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE A CITIZEN'S ARREST?

I HAD BUNDLES IN MY ARMS.

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS OURS!

DID YOU SEE WHAT THEY LOOKED LIKE?

COULD YOU DESCRIBE THEM TO THE POLICE?

I DIDN'T LOOK. I DIDN'T NOTICE.

I'M NOT BULLDOG DRUMMOND. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

SIT DOWN, WILL YA? I'LL GET YOU SOME SCOTCH.

IT'LL CALM YOU DOWN.

IT WON'T CALM ME DOWN BECAUSE THEY TOOK THE SCOTCH.

MY CHIVAS REGAL, TOO?

NO. THEY'RE GONNA TAKE THE CHEAP SCOTCH AND LEAVE THE CHIVAS REGAL.

THEY TOOK IT ALL. THEY CLEANED US OUT!

SONS OF BITCHES.

SONS OF BITCHES.

SONS OF BITCHES!

DIRTY ROTTEN BASTARDS!

Mel: YOU HEARD ME!

MUST'VE BEEN GORILLAS TO LIFT ALL THAT IN 5 MINUTES.

SONS OF BITCHES.

STOP SWEARING. THE POLICE WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

I JUST CALLED THEM.

DID YOU CALL THE POLICE?

DIDN'T I JUST SAY THAT?

DID YOU TELL THEM WE WERE ROBBED?

WHY ELSE WOULD I CALL THEM?

I'M NOT FRIENDLY WITH THE POLICE.

WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONS ARE YOU ASKING?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

CALM DOWN. YOU'RE HYSTERICAL.

I AM NOT HYSTERICAL. YOU'RE HYSTERICAL.

YOU'RE MAKING ME HYSTERICAL.

DON'T YOU REALIZE MY HOUSE HAS JUST BEEN ROBBED?

WHAT AM I, A BOARDER?

MY HOUSE HAS JUST BEEN ROBBED, TOO.

MY SCOTCH, MY TELEVISION ARE MISSING, THE SAME AS YOURS.

YOU DIDN'T WALK IN AND FIND IT. I DID.

WHAT THE HELL IS THE DIFFERENCE WHO FOUND IT?

THERE'S STILL NOTHING TO DRINK AND NOTHING TO WATCH.

OH, MY GOD.

THEY FOUND MY KITCHEN MONEY, TOO.

WHAT KITCHEN MONEY?

I KEPT MY KITCHEN MONEY IN HERE.

$86.

IN CASH?

WHY DO YOU KEEP... CASH IN THE BOOK?

SO NO ONE WILL FIND IT.

WHERE ELSE AM I GONNA KEEP IT?

OK, IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

AS LONG AS YOU WEREN'T HURT.

CAN YOU IMAGINE IF I'D WALKED IN AND FOUND THEM, MEL?

WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE?

WELL, YOU WERE LUCKY, EDNA. VERY LUCKY.

YEAH, BUT WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

YOU DIDN'T WALK IN AND FIND THEM.

YEAH, BUT SUPPOSING I DID. WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE?

EDNA, YOU'D SAY "EXCUSE ME,"

CLOSE THE DOOR, AND COME BACK LATER.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO, SIT AND WATCH?

WHY DO YOU ASK ME SUCH QUESTIONS?

LOOK AT THAT.

THE LOCK ISN'T BUSTED, ISN'T JIMMIED.

I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW THEY EVEN GOT IN HERE.

MAYBE THEY FOUND MY KEY IN THE STREET.

IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR KEY,

HOW WERE YOU GOING TO GET BACK IN THE HOUSE

WHEN YOU WENT SHOPPING?

I LEFT THE DOOR OP--

PEN.

YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, TAKE THE FURNITURE WITH ME?

I WAS ONLY GONE 5 MINUTES.

HOW DID THEY KNOW I WAS GONNA LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN?

OH, THEY KNOW. THEY KNOW.

A DOOR OPENS, DOESN'T LOCK,

THE WHOLE JUNKIE WORLD LIGHTS UP--

"DOOR OPEN, 14th FLOOR, 88th AND SECOND AVENUE."

THEY KNOW.

I DIDN'T THINK THEY'D TRY MY DOOR

THE 5 MINUTES I WAS OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I GAMBLED, I LOST.

WHAT KIND OF GAMBLE IS THAT?

YOU LOSE, THEY GET EVERYTHING.

YOU WIN, THEY ROB SOMEBODY ELSE.

I HAD TO SHOP.

THERE WAS NOTHIN' IN THE HOUSE TO EAT TONIGHT.

NOW YOU GOT SOMETHING TO EAT

AND NOTHING TO EAT IT WITH.

WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL UP AND HAVE THEM SEND IT?

BECAUSE I SHOP AT A CHEAP STORE THAT DOESN'T DELIVER.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAVE US MONEY

BECAUSE YOU GOT ME SO WORRIED THE OTHER NIGHT.

I SAVED US $1.79 WITH GREEN STAMPS

AND NO DELIVERY CHARGE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE CAN'T LEAVE EVERYTHING LIKE THIS.

I WANT TO CLEAN UP. NOW?

THE PLACE IS A MESS. WE HAVE PEOPLE COMING OVER IN A FEW MINUTES.

THE POLICE. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THE PLACE CLEANED

FOR THE POLICE? WHAT, ARE YOU AFRAID

THEY'RE GONNA PUT DOWN IN THEIR BOOKS "BAD HOUSEKEEPER"?

LEAVE IT ALONE. MAYBE THEY'LL FIND A CLUE.

WHERE YOU GOING?

TO THE BEDROOM. I'M WRINGING WET,

AND I'M GOING TO CHANGE.

DON'T CHANGE.

YOU LOOK FINE TO ME.

WELL, THANK YOU. I'M STILL WRINGING WET.

WHERE ARE MY 7 SUITS, 3 SPORT COATS,

AND 5 PAIR OF SLACKS?

THAT'S WHAT YOU HAD, THAT'S WHAT THEY GOT.

I'M LUCKY MY TUXEDO'S IN THE CLEANERS.

THEY SENT IT BACK THIS MORNING.

OH, WELL, THAT--BOY, THEY DID A GOOD JOB.

OH, THEY CLEANED ME OUT. THEY LEFT ME

WITH A PAIR OF KHAKI PANTS AND A GOLF CAP!

THE DIRTY...

MEL, IT'S JUST THINGS.

JUST SOME OLD COATS AND SUITS.

WE CAN REPLACE THEM. WE'LL BUY NEW ONES.

WITH WHAT?

WITH WHAT, EDNA? THEY FI--

THEY FIRED ME.

OH, MY GOD, DON'T TELL ME...

WELL, I'M TELLING YOU. THEY FIRED ME.

AW, MEL...

I'M SO SORRY.

I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT ME.

I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

I'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB, YOU'LL SEE.

OF COURSE YOU WILL.

YOU'LL TAKE DOWN THE LIVING ROOM DRAPES,

MAKE ME A SUIT, AND I'LL LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB.

WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. WE WILL.

IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, SWEETHEART.

WE CAN MOVE AWAY. WE DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN THE CITY.

WHY SHOULD WE HAVE TO MOVE?

I STILL HAVE VALUE. I STILL HAVE WORTH!

I KNOW.

WHAT KIND OF A LIFE IS THIS,

LIVING LIKE CAGED ANIMALS IN A SECOND AVENUE ZOO

THAT'S TOO COLD IN ONE ROOM AND TOO HOT IN THE OTHER.

OVERCHARGED FOR A GROWTH

ON THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING THEY CALL A TERRACE?

IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL A WORTHWHILE LIFE,

BANGIN' ON WALLS AND JIGGLING TOILETS?

WHERE THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO MOVE TO,

MAINE? VERMONT?

UH, OREGON? UNEMPLOYED LUMBERJACKS

ARE SITTIN' AROUND SAWING THE LEGS OFF CHAIRS

BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I'D GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU

SO LONG AS YOU WERE HAPPY?

WE COULD MOVE TO EUROPE, TO SPAIN.

2 PEOPLE CAN LIVE ON $1,500 A YEAR IN SPAIN.

SPANISH PEOPLE!

I NEED A DRINK.

LET'S GO SOMEWHERE AND GET A DRINK.

THERE'S SOME BEER IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

THEY DIDN'T LOOK IN THE REFRIGERATOR?

THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW. WE CAN KEEP THE CLOTHES

IN THERE FROM NOW ON.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

MR. EDISON?

YEAH. COME ON IN.

I'D OFFER YOU FELLAS A DRINK,

BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE.

[WOMAN GIGGLING]

DID YOU HEAR WHAT THAT DETECTIVE SAID?

THERE WAS 346 ROBBERIES IN THE CITY TODAY.

346. THAT MEANS THEY GOT TO SOLVE 345

BEFORE I GET MY SUEDE SHOES BACK.

MAYBE THEY WILL, MEL.

THEY HAVE A COMPLETE DESCRIPTION

OF EVERYTHING WE LOST.

TERRIFIC. NOW ALL THEY GOT TO DO

IS FIND 3 GUYS DRESSED THE WAY I USED TO DRESS.

FORGET IT. THE STUFF IS GONE.

IT JUST GALLS ME THAT THIS WINTER

3 JUNKIES ARE GONNA BE WARMER THAN ME.

COME ON. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, SWEETHEART, IT'S SO ROTTEN.

HMM?

I MEAN TO GET FIRED AND THEN COME HOME AND FIND

YOUR HOUSE HAS BEEN ROBBED ON THE SAME DAY.

I WASN'T FIRED TODAY.

THAT HAPPENED THURSDAY.

BOTTLE OF CHIVAS REGAL.

LAST THURSDAY? YEAH.

YOU MEAN YOU'VE KNOWN FOR 4 DAYS,

AND YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD TO ME?

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU.

I COULDN'T WORK UP MY COURAGE.

I WAS HOPING A MIRACLE WOULD HAPPEN,

ANOTHER JOB WOULD COME ALONG.

WELL, MIRACLES DON'T HAPPEN WHEN YOU'RE 48.

WHEN MOSES SAW THE BURNING BUSH,

HE WAS 23, 24 AT THE MOST,

NEVER 48.

HELLO? WE'RE BACK.

MEL, DON'T DO THAT. YOU'RE SCARING ME.

[MUSIC BOX PLAYING "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"]

DINNER IS SERVED.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO GET OUT.

I'LL GO WHEREVER YOU WANT, SWEETHEART.

NO, I DON'T MEAN OUT OF HERE--

OUT OF OBLIGATIONS, THINGS WE DON'T NEED

THAT ARE CHOKING US.

I'M GONNA QUIT THE GYM. I DON'T NEED A GYM

FOR ANY $200 A YEAR.

I'LL RUN AROUND THE BEDROOM.

ONLY WAY TO KEEP WARM IN THERE ANYWAY.

AND LOOK. HEH HEH. LOOK AT THIS.

$8.50 FOR A MUSICAL WHISKEY POURER.

TOYS, NOVELTIES,

IT'S GARBAGE. CRAP. HORSE SHIT!

NO MORE. WE'LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER THING.

WHY DID I GIVE THEM 22 YEARS OF MY LIFE?

WHAT FOR? A MUSICAL WHISKEY POURER?

IT'S MY LIFE'S BEEN THAT'S POURED DOWN THE DRAIN.

WHERE'S THE MUSIC?

WHERE'S A CUTE LITTLE TUNE?

THEY KICK YOU OUT AT THE END OF 22 YEARS,

THEY OUGHT TO HAVE A GODDAMN BRASS BAND.

DON'T GET UPSET. YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURSELF SICK.

YOU KNOW WHERE MY MUSIC IS? THERE. THERE IT IS!

IT'S PLAYING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT WALL!

[CRACK]

AND IT--

THERE'S MY MUSIC AT THE END OF TWEN--

[GASPING]

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

PAINS IN MY CHEST. DON'T WORRY.

IT'S NOTHIN'. IT'S NOT A HEART ATTACK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHY DO YOU SAY IT'S NOT A HEART ATTACK?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT A HEART ATTACK,

IT'S PAINS IN MY CHEST.

WHY ARE YOU HAVING PAINS IN YOUR CHEST?

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A JOB.

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A SUIT TO WEAR.

BECAUSE I'M HAVING A GODDAMN BREAKDOWN.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE ME A DECENT PAIR OF PAJAMAS.

BASTARDS. YOU BASTARDS!

YOU DIRTY ROTTEN BASTARDS!

Man: SHUT UP DOWN THERE!

WE GOT CHILDREN UP HERE.

DON'T YELL AT ME. THEY TOOK EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!

LEFT ME WITH A GODDAMN PAIR OF KHAKI PANTS AND A GOLF HAT!

THERE ARE CHILDREN UP HERE.

ARE YOU DRUNK OR SOMETHING?

DRUNK? DRUNK ON WHAT? THEY TOOK THE LIQUOR.

YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN? LOCK 'EM IN A CLOSET.

BUT DON'T TELL ME YOU GOT CHILDREN UP THERE.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT

FOR ANYBODY ELSE?

RESPECT? YES, I'VE GOT RESPECT--

FOR MY ASS!

THAT'S WHAT I GOT RESPECT FOR.

IT'S ALL ANYBODY RESPECTS.

RESPECT MY ASS!

OH, MY GOD, MEL.

OH, MY GOD.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO DO.

THAT IS A MEAN, TERRIBLE THING TO DO.

GOD WILL PUNISH YOU FOR THAT.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MY HUSBAND'S LANGUAGE,

BUT GOD WILL PUNISH YOU FOR THAT!

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MEL. IT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY.

TERRIBLE THING TO DO TO A PERSON.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ANYONE.

NEVER. YOU'RE TOO GOOD.

YOU'RE TOO DECENT.

IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

I PROMISE.

YOU'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB.

YOU'LL SEE.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO, MEL?

YOU'RE SO GOOD WITH KIDS.

I MEAN, YOU LOVE BEING AROUND THEM.

WE COULD START A SUMMER CAMP,

AND YOU COULD BE THE HEAD OF THE CAMP,

AND I WOULD DO THE COOKING,

AND THE GIRLS COULD BE THE SWIMMING INSTRUCTORS

AND THE RIDING INSTRUCTORS.

YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU, MEL?

ALL WE'D HAVE TO DO IS JUST SAVE SOME MONEY.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T GET ANOTHER JOB RIGHT AWAY,

I CAN ALWAYS WORK. I'M STRONG.

BUT YOU MUSTN'T GET SICK.

YOU MUSTN'T GET SICK AND DIE...

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD WITHOUT YOU.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE HERE, MEL.

I DON'T LIKE IT HERE.

WE'LL SHOW THEM.

WE'LL SHOW THEM ALL.

WAYNE, THIS IS THE LADY YOU WERE EXPECTING.

EDNA REALE?

OH, NO. IT'S EDISON NOW.

EIDSON NOW. I'M WAYNE MORGAN. THANK YOU, JACK.

COOPERMAN TOLD ME

YOU WERE A HELL OF A PRODUCTION ASSISTANT

IN YOUR DAY.

YEAH, IN MY DAY. WELL, WHAT AM I IN FOR?

EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GIVE UP YOUR HOME LIFE.

WILL YOU SIT HERE? WE'RE HAVING A READING NOW.

WE'LL NEED A BREAKDOWN TONIGHT.

TONIGHT? SORRY.

THAT'S SHOW BIZ.

FINE, ED. FINE.

ED, UH...

I THOUGHT I'D TAKE YOU UP ON THAT OFFER YOU MADE

TO HAVE LUNCH SOMETIME.

WELL, YOU ALWAYS SAID

YOU WISHED YOU HAD A MAN LIKE ME WITH THE COMPANY.

HA HA.

AFTER THE 15th? SWELL. I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL...

AFTER THE 15th. RIGHT.

HA HA HA. YEAH, RIGHT. YEAH.

NAME, PLEASE?

EDISON. IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE CARD.

AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN UNEMPLOYED, MR. EDISON?

10 WEEKS NOW.

10 WEEKS, WAS THAT?

MONDAY--

MONDAY WILL MARK THE 10th ANNIVERSARY

OF MY UNEMPLOYMENT. HA HA.

AND HAVE YOU BEEN LOOKING FOR EMPLOYMENT IN THE PAST WEEK?

YES, I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR EMPLOYMENT IN THE PAST WEEK.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR EMPLOYMENT FOR THE PAST 10 WEEKS.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

HAVE YOU TURNED DOWN ANY EMPLOYMENT?

HAVE I TURNED DOWN ANY EMPLOYMENT?

NO, I HAVE NOT TURNED DOWN ANY EMPLOYMENT.

WHY SHOULD I TURN DOWN EMPLOYMENT?

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS--

IF I'M COMING HERE EVERY WEEK,

WHY WOULD I TURN DOWN EMPLOYMENT?

THAT'S WHY I'M UNEMPLOYED, FOR CHRIST'S--

THEN THE ANSWER IS NO.

RIGHT. YES--NO. THAT'S THE ANSWER.

WRITE DOWN NO. NO.

22 OFF. 22 OFF.

18 OFF. 18 OFF.

12 ON. 12 ON.

MEL.

MEL, I'M HOME.

HI, LOVE. HOW ARE YOU?

AH, WE NEED A SHAVE, DON'T WE?

YOU MUST BE STARVED.

I JUST COULDN'T GET OUT OF THE STUDIO BEFORE 8:00.

THEY'RE STILL THERE WORKING.

I TOLD THEM I JUST COULDN'T STAY.

AH, SHOOT. I GOT US A CHEESE SOUFFL .

IT'LL ONLY TAKE A COUPLE OF MINUTES

TO HEAT IT UP AGAIN.

I BROUGHT YOU "SPORTS ILLUSTRATED."

MR. COOPERMAN SAID THERE'S A TERRIFIC STORY

IN THERE ABOUT THE KNICKS.

HE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GET A KICK OUT OF IT.

HERE YOU ARE.

EVERYBODY'S WORKING LIKE CRAZY,

HOPING WE CAN FINISH THIS CHRISTMAS SHOW

BEFORE THE WEEKEND.

OTHERWISE, WE MAY HAVE TO GO IN.

I'M JUST NOT GOING.

I MEAN, I SEE YOU LITTLE ENOUGH AS IT IS.

[SIGHS] OH, BOY.

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

THAT'S THE FIRST FOOD I'VE HAD SINCE YESTERDAY

THAT DIDN'T COME OUT OF THE VENDING MACHINE.

COME ON, SIT DOWN. HAVE DINNER AND TALK TO ME

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO TALK WHEN I GET HOME.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M DOING IT.

I MUST HAVE BEEN SAVING THIS ENERGY UP

FOR THE PAST 22 YEARS.

HOW ARE YOU, SWEETHEART? YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?

WELL?

YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT? HMM?

YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING, HUH?

MMM...MMM.

AW, COME ON, MEL.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE BREAKFAST YESTERDAY,

AND I'M GONNA BE FAST ASLEEP IN 15 MINUTES.

TALK TO ME. WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?

I TOOK A WALK.

GOOD. WHERE?

FROM THE BEDROOM INTO THE LIVING ROOM.

THAT'S ALL?

MM-MM. THEN I WALKED BACK INTO THE BEDROOM.

ONCE I WENT INTO THE KITCHEN

FOR A GLASS OF WATER.

I'D SAY THAT WAS MY HIGH PEAK OF THE DAY.

OK, YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

NO, I FEEL LIKE TALKING.

YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE REST OF MY MORNING?

I SAID IT'S ALL RIGHT, MEL.

I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW 3 TIMES,

I LISTENED TO THE RADIO,

AND...I WENT TO THE TOILET,

WHICH IS STILL FLUSHING. BUT I DIDN'T JIGGLE IT

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU LIKE TO DO THAT

WHEN YOU COME HOME. HEH HEH HEH HEH.

I SEE YOU DIDN'T SLEEP WELL AGAIN LAST NIGHT, DID YOU?

WAS LAST NIGHT THE NIGHT BEFORE THIS MORNING?

I GET THEM ALL MIXED UP. MY LIFE IS SO BUSY. AH.

I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME

YOU WERE GONNA TAKE A WALK IN THE PARK THIS MORNING.

THERE'S NO PLACE LEFT FOR ME TO WALK.

I KNOW EVERY PATH AND BRIDGE AND STONE.

I KNOW EVERY SQUIRREL IN THE PARK,

AND I KNOW WHERE THEY ALL BURY THEIR NUTS.

LISTEN, MAYBE TOMORROW I CAN SNEAK AN HOUR OFF,

AND WE CAN HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER IN THE ZOO.

I'VE BEEN TO THE ZOO EVERY DAY FOR 34 DAYS.

EVERY TIME I PASS THE MONKEYS, THEY SAY,

"HE'S HERE AGAIN, HE'S HERE AGAIN."

GIVE ME A FORK.

DID ANYONE CALL?

YOUR MOTHER. WE EXCHANGED RECIPES.

ANYONE ELSE?

I'M NOT A PHONE-ANSWERING SERVICE.

YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER THE PHONE, HIRE ME.

I COULD USE THE WORK.

HA HA.

I TAKE IT, THEN, THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE PAPER TODAY.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT A JOB!

WELL, CERTAINLY, EDNA.

THERE'S LOTS OF JOBS--

COOKS, DISHWASHERS, MALE NURSES.

OH. DELTA AIR LINES IS LOOKING FOR HOSTESSES,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM HOME THAT MUCH.

DON'T YOU AGREE?

DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE UP MY JOB?

WOULD YOU RATHER I JUST HUNG AROUND THE HOUSE

WITH YOU ALL DAY?

I THINK THIS ARRANGEMENT IS PERFECTLY FINE, EDNA.

YOU'VE BEEN SO NICE TO ME--

PAY THE RENT, BUY THE FOOD,

BOUGHT ME A NEW SPORTS JACKET.

WHO KNOWS? MAYBE NEXT YEAR,

YOU'LL TAKE ME TO HAWAII FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY.

MEL, WHY DON'T YOU STOP TORTURING YOURSELF?

I DON'T HAVE TO TORTURE MYSELF.

I GOT A LOT OF HELP--

DOGS AND FLUSHING TOILETS,

THE RED BARON'S 2 SISTERS IN THERE.

WHAT TIME WOULD YOU LIKE BREAKFAST TOMORROW?

OH, MEL, WILL YOU STOP IT?

IT'S NO PROBLEM, EDNA. I MEAN, I'M UP,

I'VE GOT THE EGGS HERE IN THE HOUSE,

AND I STEAL THE MILK FROM THE PEOPLE NEXT DOOR.

AND IF I'M REAL QUICK,

I CAN GET THE "NEW YORK TIMES," TOO.

WE'LL TALK WHEN YOU'RE IN A BETTER MOOD.

I'M JUST TRYING TO CONTRIBUTE, EDNA.

JUST TRYING TO DO MY SHARE.

I DON'T KNOW.

Man: THIS IS CHARLES TRACKER AND THE 8 A.M. NEWS.

"WE WILL NOT GO BACK TO WORK"

WAS THE CRY OF 47 MUNICIPAL,

STATE, AND FEDERAL JUDGES TODAY,

DEFYING THE COURT ORDER

OF FEDERAL JUDGE MYRON ACKERMAN.

SPEAKING FOR THE STRIKING JUDGES,

JUDGE MARIO PRECONA TOLD THIS

TO CBS REPORTER BETHESDA WAYNE.

Precona: WE WILL NOT GO BACK TO WORK,

AND WE AIN'T WORKING TILL THIS THING GETS SETTLED.

I'LL GET SOME COFFEE DOWN AT THE OFFICE.

I'LL TRY TO BE HOME EARLY FOR DINNER.

DON'T WORK TOO HARD, DEAR.

LEAVE ME SOME QUARTERS FOR THE LAUNDROMAT.

I'VE GOT SO MUCH WASH TO DO TODAY.

PLEASE, LET'S NOT START THE DAY OUT LIKE THIS.

LISTEN, HERE'S SOMETHING INTERESTING--

"MAURICE LE PEW IN QUEENS."

HE WANTS A HAIR STYLIST.

MAYBE I'LL PRACTICE ON YOU TONIGHT,

AND IF YOU DON'T GO BALD, I'LL CALL HIM TOMORROW, HUH?

MEL, YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD SUGGEST?

WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST, EDNA?

I'D SUGGEST YOU EITHER GET

A VERY TIGHT GRIP ON YOURSELF

OR YOU FIND SOMEBODY TO HELP YOU.

OH, I DON'T NEED ANY HELP. I'M RETIRED.

I GOT IT MADE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN-- MEDICAL HELP, A DOCTOR.

SOME DOCTOR WHO CAN TALK TO YOU

AND STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT,

BECAUSE I'M RUNNING OUT OF ENERGY AND PATIENCE.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE ENOUGH FOR MR. COOPERMAN!

AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT JUST MEANS YOU SEEM TO HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE

AND ENERGY FOR MR. COOPERMAN.

THERE ARE LOTS OF LAUGHS

DOWN AT THE OFFICE, RIGHT? HA HA HA.

LA-DE-DA-DE-DA.

LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT GOES ON DOWN THERE.

I USED TO BE ONE OF THE BOYS, TOO.

OH, YEAH? WELL, I AM NOT ONE OF THE GIRLS.

YEAH? HOW COME YOU GET HOME AT 7:00 OR 8:00 AT NIGHT

WHEN EVERYBODY KNOWS

THAT NO ONE WORKS PAST 5:00 ANYMORE?

I WORK PAST 5:00.

WHERE, AT CHARLEY O'S BAR?

I UNDERSTAND. JUST A LITTLE DRINK TO UNWIND

BEFORE COMING HOME TO FACE THE LITTLE MAN.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU USED TO BELIEVE IT

WHEN I CAME HOME AT 7:00. HA HA.

MEL, I THINK WE BETTER HAVE A LONG TALK TONIGHT...

A LONG, SERIOUS TALK.

HMM. MY BEGONIAS ARE COMING UP BEAUTIFULLY.

THAT'S BECAUSE DADDY'S HERE

TO TAKE SUCH NICE CARE OF THEM.

YEAH, GENTLY, GENTLY.

[SIGHS]

GENTLY, GENTLY.

YEAH. COMING BACK TO ME.

HELP YOU, MR. EDISON?

DON'T TOUCH IT.

COME HERE.

COME ON NOW.

HERE, HERE.

YOU KNOW THE GUY IN 15-B?

15-B?

15-B. THE FLOOR RIGHT ABOVE ME.

ABOVE YOU? OH, MR. JACOBY?

JACOBY! SHH.

WHAT TIME DOES HE GET HOME FROM WORK?

ABOUT 6:00.

ABOUT OR EXACTLY?

WELL, USUALLY ABOUT 6:00.

ABOUT 6:00. WHY?

NOTHING, NOTHING.

IT'S PERFECT, PERFECT.

WANT ME TO GIVE A MESSAGE?

NO, NO. I'LL GIVE HIM THE MESSAGE.

[LAUGHS] I GOT MY OWN MESSAGE.

HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

WHOO-HOO.

HA HA HA HA!

[WHISTLES]

AAH!

LOOK, MISTER, I'M VERY TIRED.

WOULD YOU FIND TRYING YOUR PERVERSIONS ON SOMEONE ELSE?

HA HA HA HA.

[TAP TAP]

WHAT'S FUNNY?

NOTHING.

NOTHING'S FUNNY.

THEN WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

PRIVATE JOKE, HMM?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME, MEL?

I COULD USE A GOOD LAUGH.

WHEN THE TIME COMES, EDNA.

WHEN THE TIME COMES.

MEL, YOU'RE STARING AT ME.

WELL, I'M SORRY. HA!

WHAT IS IT?

AM I ALLOWED TO TURN BACK NOW?

YES, YOU MAY TURN BACK.

WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION, EDNA?

THE QUESTION IS THE SAME THAT IT IS EVERY NIGHT,

EVERY MEAL, EVERY TIME WE'RE TOGETHER--

WHAT'S WRONG?

DO YOU FEEL THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG?

YES. I THINK YOU'RE MISERABLE AND TORMENTED

BECAUSE YOU'RE OUT OF WORK. THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT?

ONLY PART OF IT, EDNA. ONLY PART OF IT.

NOW, YOU TELL ME, WHY DO YOU THINK

I'M OUT OF WORK?

WHY? I DON'T KNOW WHY.

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIND A DECENT JOB. THAT'S WHY.

THAT'S WHY? THAT'S WHY?

YOU HAVEN'T THE SLIGHTEST INKLING

OF WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON, DO YOU?

YOU ARE SO NAIVE, IT'S RIDICULOUS.

MEL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU HAVE NO SUSPICION OF THE TRUTH, DO YOU?

NONE AT ALL.

WELL, WHAT TRUTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PLOT, EDNA.

THE PLOT.

WHAT PLOT, MEL?

"WHAT PLOT, MEL"?

WHAT PLOT--I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PLOT,

AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS, "WHAT PLOT, MEL?"

OH-OH-OH.

LOOK, YOU MENTION THERE'S A PLOT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT PLOT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,

SO ALL I CAN THINK OF SAYING IS, "WHAT PLOT, MEL?"

"WHAT PLOT, MEL?" THERE WE--JESUS.

WHAT PLOT? WHAT PLOT?

A SOCIAL, ECONOMIC, AND POLITICAL PLOT

TO UNDERMINE THE WORKING CLASSES OF THIS COUNTRY.

OH, THAT PLOT.

YES, THAT PLOT.

OHH.

YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF RUSHING DOWNTOWN EVERY MORNING,

STAY HOME, LISTEN TO THE RADIO,

FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.

LISTEN TO THE TALK SHOWS,

AND YOU WILL FIND OUT

WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY.

WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY?

IF YOU DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.

MEL, I'M YOUR WIFE. YOU CAN TELL ME.

IF YOU'RE TOO LAZY AND TOO IGNORANT

AND TOO UNINFORMED TO FIND OUT

WHAT REALLY IS GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY,

THEN YOU DESERVE

EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO GET,

ALL OF YOU.

MEL, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CARAMEL CUSTARD?

EDNA, COME HERE.

NOW, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING,

AND IT MAY FRIGHTEN YOU.

SIT DOWN.

NOT HERE!

IN THERE.

AWAY FROM THE WALL.

NOW, THERE IS A PLOT GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY--

VERY COMPLICATED, VERY SOPHISTICATED.

IT'S PRACTICALLY INVISIBLE,

AND MAYBE ONLY A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE

IN THIS WHOLE COUNTRY KNOW ABOUT IT.

AND THEY TOLD IT ON THE RADIO?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

THEN EVERYONE HEARD IT, MEL.

WELL, DID YOU HEAR IT? NO.

WELL, THEN MAYBE EVERYBODY DIDN'T HEAR IT.

WHO IN THE HELL IS LISTENING TO A RADIO

AT 10:00 IN THE MORNING?

THEY'RE ALL WORKING. BUT I HEARD IT,

AND AS SURE AS YOU ARE SITTING HERE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ROOM,

THERE IS A PLOT GOING ON

IN THIS COUNTRY TODAY.

AGAINST WHOM?

AGAINST ME.

OH, MEL. THE WHOLE COUNTRY?

WELL, NOT AGAINST ME PERSONALLY,

BUT THEY'RE AFTER YOU, THEY'RE AFTER OUR KIDS,

MY FAMILY--THEY'RE AFTER EVERY ONE OF OUR FRIENDS.

THEY'RE AFTER THE COPS, AFTER THE HIPPIES,

AFTER THE GOVERNMENT, THE WOMEN'S LIB,

THE BLACKS, THE FAGS, THE WHOLE MILITARY COMPLEX.

THAT'S WHO THEY'RE AFTER--AND EVEN MORE.

WHO, MEL? YOU MENTIONED EVERYBODY.

THERE'S NO ONE LEFT.

THERE'S SOMEONE LEFT.

OH, BABY, THERE'S SOMEONE LEFT, ALL RIGHT.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME

TO GIVE YOU ACTUAL INDISPUTABLE PROOF

THAT 6.7% OF THE WORKING CLASS OF THIS COUNTRY

IS UNEMPLOYED NOT BECAUSE OF A RECESSION,

NOT BECAUSE OF WAGES AND HIGH PRICES,

BUT BECAUSE OF A WELL-ORGANIZED, CALCULATED,

BRILLIANTLY CONCEIVED PLOT?

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO GIVE YOU PROOF

RIGHT HERE AND NOW IN THIS ROOM?

OK.

I CAN'T GIVE YOU ANY PROOF!

WHAT THE HELL PROOF HAVE I GOT?

BUT I CAN'T WORK. THAT'S MY PROOF.

THEY WILL NOT LET ME WORK.

[SIGHS]

MEL, WHO'S BEHIND THE PLOT?

IS IT THE KIDS? THE ADDICTS?

THE ARMY? THE NAVY?

THE BOOK- OF-THE-MONTH CLUB?

WHO THE HELL IS IT?

IT IS THE HUMAN RACE,

THE DETERIORATION OF THE SPIRIT OF MAN,

MAN UNDERMINING HIMSELF,

CAUSING A SELF-WILLED, SELF-IMPOSED,

SELF-EVIDENT SELF-DESTRUCTION.

THAT'S WHO IT IS.

THE HUMAN RACE, MEL?

YES.

THE HUMAN RACE

IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE UNEMPLOYMENT?

YOU'RE SURPRISED, AREN'T YOU?

I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED.

ALL THE TIME,

I KEPT THINKING IT WAS SOMEBODY ELSE.

DON'T MOCK ME! OH, DAMN IT, DON'T DO THAT TO ME!

DON'T PATRONIZE ME AND DON'T MOCK ME!

I WASN'T MOCKING YOU, MEL.

OH, MY GOD. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FIRST THING

THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE IN MY PLACE.

YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO STAND IN AN UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.

YOU'VE NEVER WALKED INTO YOUR OWN BUILDING

AND HAD AN IDIOT MIDDLE-AGED DOORMAN

WITH BEER ON HIS BREATH AND A LOOSE PLATE

GIGGLING AT YOU BECAUSE HE'S WORKING.

YOU'VE NEVER STOOD ON YOUR OWN TERRACE

AND BEEN HIT IN THE HEAD

WITH A BUCKET OF ICE-COLD WATER--NEVER.

AND I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THAT SON OF A BITCH!

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

MEL.

MEL, LISTEN TO ME--

HE THINKS THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

I WANT YOU TO SEE A DOCTOR. I WANT YOU TO SEE A DOCTOR.

HELL, I KNOW WHAT THEY ALL LOOK LIKE.

I'VE GOT THEIR FACES ENGRAVED IN MY BRAIN.

SOMEONE GAVE ME THE NAME OF A DOCTOR.

THEY SAY HE'S VERY GOOD

AND KNOWS ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH

EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

I GO TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, EDNA.

YOU KNOW, THEY CAN TAKE YOUR CLOTHES...

I'M GOING TO CALL HIM RIGHT NOW.

THEY CAN TAKE YOUR CLOTHES,

THEY CAN TAKE YOUR CHIVAS REGAL,

YOUR TELEVISION, YOUR JOB,

BUT THEY CAN'T TAKE YOUR BRAINS,

AND THAT'S MY SECRET WEAPON--MY BRAINS.

AND THE SNOW, THE SNOW.

GOD, I PRAY THAT IT SNOWS TOMORROW.

I BOUGHT A SNOW SHOVEL, EDNA. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I'M GOING TO TAKE THE DAY OFF.

I'LL TAKE YOU THERE MYSELF.

HELLO, THIS IS MRS. EDNA--

AAH!

ONE OF THOSE GREAT BIG SHOVELS

YOU KNOW, THE KIND THEY USE AT AIRPORTS.

HA HA HA!

OH, I'LL GO WITHOUT MY SHOES THIS WINTER,

BUT I'M NOT GOING WITHOUT MY SHOVEL.

I'LL BURY HIM SO DEEP,

THEY'LL HAVE TO SALT HIM OUT.

OH.

[WHIMPERING]

I CHECKED WITH THE DOORMAN.

I GAVE HIM A $5.00 TIP. IT WAS WORTH IT.

HA! I KNOW WHAT TIME YOU GET HOME, YOU MOTHER!

HEY! TRY USING THE SERVICE ENTRANCE!

I GOT THAT BLOCKED OFF, TOO.

PLEASE, PLEASE RIGHT AWAY.

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA, ANY CONCEPTION OF THE IMPACT

OF 2 POUNDS OF WET, SOLID, PACKED SNOW

FALLING FROM 14 FLOORS UP?

THEY'LL FIND HIM IN THE BASEMENT.

IN THE GARAGE, BASTARD!

* AND I KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE *

YES.

WELL, IT'S VERY DIFFICULT

TO TALK ABOUT ON THE PHONE.

NO, NO, IT ISN'T FOR ME.

IT'S FOR MY...

IF IT DOESN'T SNOW THIS WINTER,

THEN I WAIT UNTIL NEXT WINTER,

'CAUSE I'M IN NO HURRY, SMART ASS!

NO, NO.

NOTHING BUT TIME.

NO. NO, NOT WEDNESDAY!

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. DIDN'T YOU HEAR THAT GUY?

Roland: THIS IS THE NEWS WITH DAN ROLAND.

IN A MIDTOWN HOTEL TODAY

FOLLOWING A CONVENTION

OF THE NATIONAL PSYCHIATRIC SOCIETY,

17 OF THE LEADING PSYCHIATRISTS

IN THE UNITED STATES

WERE TRAPPED BETWEEN FLOORS

IN AN ELEVATOR FOR OVER 45 MINUTES.

PANIC BROKE OUT,

AND 12 OF THE DOCTORS WERE TREATED FOR HYSTERIA.

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT.

Man: YES?

AND IN THE DREAM, I WAS IN BED,

BUT I COULDN'T SLEEP, BUT I WAS SLEEPING.

YES.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WELL, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?

I DON'T KNOW. DOESN'T IT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU.

OH, YEAH. I'M NOT SURE,

BUT I REMEMBER, YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,

I USED TO SLEEP WITH MY BROTHER HARRY

WHEN I WAS LIKE 7 OR 8.

ONE NIGHT, I WOKE UP.

I LOOKED OVER AT MY BROTHER HARRY,

AND IT SUDDENLY OCCURRED TO ME--

[ALARM SOUNDS]

SORRY, YOUR TIME IS UP.

JESUS!

Kelting: THIS IS ROGER KELTING AND THE 1:00 NEWS.

A POLISH FREIGHTER,

THE 6,000-TON MAJORSKY,

SAILED INTO NEW YORK HARBOR IN A DENSE FOG

AT 7:00 A.M. THIS MORNING

AND CRASHED INTO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.

2 SEAMEN WERE INJURED,

AND ELECTRICAL DAMAGE CAUSED FLICKERING

IN MISS LIBERTY'S TORCH.

IT WAS THE FIRST RECORDED MARITIME ACCIDENT

INVOLVING THE FAMED STATUE,

ALTHOUGH THE POLISH FREIGHTER

HAD BEEN IN 6 PREVIOUS SEA COLLISIONS.

IT'S 20 TO 2:00. CAN WE TALK BUSINESS, PLEASE?

I GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK.

EDNA'S WAITING FOR US AT THE APARTMENT.

CAN WE SETTLE THIS THING QUICKLY?

NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT WHAT? ABOUT THE SUEZ CANAL.

WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR?

WHAT DID PEARL COME ALL THE WAY FROM LAKEWOOD FOR?

OUR BROTHER-- OUR SICK BROTHER

WHO HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, FOR GOD'S SAKES.

EVERY TIME I HEAR IT...

WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR NOW?

YOU DIDN'T JUST HEAR. YOU'VE KNOWN IT FOR A WEEK.

HARRY, LET HER CRY IF SHE WANTS.

SHE CAME ALL THE WAY FROM LAKEWOOD.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S FACE THE FACTS--

MEL NEEDS HELP.

WHO ELSE WOULD HE GO TO BUT HIS OWN FAMILY?

YOU'RE RIGHT, HARRY. WHO ELSE?

ALL RIGHT, NOW, THIS IS MY SUGGESTION--

WE MAKE MEL A LOAN.

WE ALL CHIP IN "X" NUMBER OF DOLLARS A WEEK.

HE GETS A JOB AGAIN, THEN HE CAN PAY US BACK.

NOW, THAT'S MY SUGGESTION. WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK?

HOW MUCH IS "X" NUMBER OF DOLLARS?

"X"...

"X" IS "X."

IS "X."

I MEAN IS IT A BIG" X" OR A LITTLE "X"?

WELL, IT'S NOT EVEN AN "X." IT'S A BLANK

UNTIL WE FILL IN "X" WITH A FIGURE.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S A BLANK.

I'M NOT COMPLAINING. WE HAVE TO DO THE RIGHT THING,

BUT WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT,

"X" NUMBER OF DOLLARS,

IT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF MONEY.

I HAVE LIMITED CAPITAL, YOU KNOW.

PEARL, DO YOU HAVE UNLIMITED CAPITAL?

I WISH I DID.

I'D GIVE MEL "X" NUMBER OF DOLLARS IN A MINUTE.

FORGET "X."

FORGET I EVER MENTIONED "X."

THE BIGGEST EXPENSE

IS GOING TO BE THE DOCTOR, AM I RIGHT?

YOU MEAN THE FANCY PSYCHIATRIST.

I'M BEGINNING TO SEE WHAT "X" IS GOING TO COME TO.

MAYBE IT'S NOT EVEN A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

DOCTORS CAN BE WRONG, TOO.

THEY TOOK OUT ALL MY TOP TEETH,

THEN FOUND OUT IT WAS KIDNEY STONES.

CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG,

BUT WHEN MEL WAS A TINY BABY,

DIDN'T YOU THINK HIS HEAD

WAS TOO LARGE FOR HIS BODY?

MEL...

MEL HAD A BEAUTIFUL HEAD.

I'M NOT SAYING HIS HEAD WASN'T BEAUTIFUL.

I'M SAYING IT WAS TOO LARGE FOR HIS BODY.

IT ALWAYS KEPT FALLING OVER TO ONE SIDE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M LISTENING TO.

YOU'RE 113 YEARS OLD BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU,

AND NEITHER ONE OF YOU MAKES ANY SENSE.

LET'S GO TO EDNA'S, PLEASE!

WE'VE GOT TO GET THIS THING SETTLED BEFORE WE GO UP.

WE'VE ALL GOT TO AGREE--

NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS THAT MEL GETS WELL, AGREED?

AGREED. AGREED.

THAT THE ONLY WAY HE'S GOING TO GET WELL

IS THAT HE DOESN'T WORRY ABOUT

PAYING THE DOCTOR BILLS, AGREED?

AGREED. AGREED.

AND THAT WE'RE GOING TO SEE THIS THING TO THE END

IF IT TAKES US A WEEK OR A MONTH

OR A YEAR OR EVEN 5 YEARS. AGREED?

[ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS]

OK, WE GOT A DISAGREEMENT.

NOW, EDNA DEAR...

WE KNOW IT'S GOING TO TAKE TIME,

AND WE KNOW IT'S GOING TO TAKE MONEY,

AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

AND I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMING.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST TELL US HOW MUCH

YOU THINK THE BILLS ARE GOING TO COME TO.

THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU ALL,

BUT I COULDN'T LET YOU DO THAT.

MEL WOULDN'T LET ME DO IT.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE MONEY FROM, A BANK?

YOU CAN'T PUT UP A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN AS COLLATERAL.

HA HA.

BUT I HAVE NO IDEA

HOW LONG MEL WILL BE IN TREATMENT.

I MEAN, IT MAY RUN AS HIGH AS $20,000, $25,000.

HARRY, CAN I SAY SOMETHING TO YOU IN PRIVATE?

WE DON'T NEED ANY PRIVATE DISCUSSIONS.

WE JUST FOUND OUT WHAT "X" IS.

NOW, LOOK, YOU AND PEARL CAN PUT UP

WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU CAN AFFORD.

I'LL MAKE UP THE DEFICIT. IF IT'S 15,000

IF IT'S 20,000 IF IT'S 25,000,

I'LL SEE THAT IT'S TAKEN CARE OF

AS LONG AS MEL GETS THE BEST MEDICAL TREATMENT.

THAT'S ALL I'M GOING TO SAY.

I'M SPEECHLESS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

NOTHING. YOU DON'T SAY NOTHING.

WE JUST WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

I KNOW NONE OF US HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE

OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS--

9--9 YEARS WAS THE LAST TIME WE WERE INVITED.

OH. HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?

9.

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT'S BEEN MY FAULT.

ANYWAY, I APPRECIATE THIS MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE,

BUT WE REALLY DON'T NEED IT.

OF COURSE YOU NEED IT. DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

NO. OVER THE YEARS, WE'VE MANAGED TO SAVE SOMETHING,

AND I HAVE SOME JEWELRY I CAN SELL.

NOW, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SELL YOUR JEWELRY.

MAYBE SHE DOESN'T WEAR IT ANYMORE.

LET THE WOMAN TALK.

MEL CAN CASH IN HIS INSURANCE POLICY,

AND I HAVE MY JOB.

I CAN MANAGE

WHATEVER THE MEDICAL EXPENSES COME TO.

BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP,

WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT IS MEL'S FUTURE.

WE ALL ARE, DARLING.

IT ISN'T EASY FOR A MAN OF MEL'S AGE

TO GET A JOB--I MEAN, TO START ALL OVER AGAIN.

IF HE KNEW LIGHTING FIXTURES, I'D TAKE HIM IN IN A MINUTE.

CERTAINLY. MY GOD.

IF HE COULD JUST GET OUT OF NEW YORK

AND MOVE TO THE COUNTRY SOMEWHERE,

HE'D BE 100% BETTER OFF.

I AGREE WITH YOU 1,000%.

WHAT I WAS THINKING OF WAS A SUMMER CAMP.

MEL IS SO WONDERFUL WITH KIDS AND SPORTS.

THERE'S A LOVELY PLACE IN VERMONT THAT'S FOR SALE.

WE COULD HAVE IT FOR NEXT SUMMER.

DON'T YOU THINK MEL WOULD BE BETTER OFF THERE?

AGAIN, 1,000%.

OH!

THEY WANT $25,000 DOWN,

SO INSTEAD OF GIVING IT TO US FOR THE DOCTOR,

WILL YOU LEND IT TO US FOR THE CAMP?

$25,000 FOR A SUMMER CAMP?

THE PRICE IS 100,000.

100,000?

$100,000 FOR A SUMMER CAMP?

RUN BY A MAN THAT FAR AWAY FROM A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN?

IT'LL TAKE HIM TILL AUGUST TO FIGURE OUT

HOW TO BLOW UP THE VOLLEYBALL!

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO DO SOMETHING.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO HELP HIM.

WE DO WANT TO HELP HIM.

THEN HELP HIM!

NOT WHEN HE'S SICK.

WHEN HE'S BETTER, WE'LL HELP HIM.

IS THAT HOW THE REST OF YOU FEEL?

DO YOU BOTH AGREE WITH HARRY?

I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH VERMONT.

I'D HAVE TO GO UP AND SEE IT FIRST,

BUT I CAN'T TRAVEL WITH MY LEG.

ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT.

FORGET THE MONEY. WE DON'T NEED IT.

WE'LL DO WITHOUT IT VERY NICELY, THANK YOU.

I'M SURPRISED YOU EVEN OFFERED IT.

IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT THE MINUTE MEL

IS COMPLETELY RECOVERED

AND BACK ON HIS OWN 2 STRONG FEET

THAT I CAN COUNT ON YOU FOR HELP!

THAT'S JUST WHEN WE'LL NEED IT!

PLEASE EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE OFFICE.

AND JUST IN CASE I DON'T SEE ANY OF YOU

FOR ANOTHER 9 YEARS,

I'LL GET YOU SOME HOMEMADE COOKIES!

MEL MADE THEM.

HELLO, DARLING.

HOW DID IT GO?

FINE, FINE. WE HAD A GOOD SESSION TODAY.

COULD I HAVE A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART?

MY MOUTH IS VERY DRY FROM THE PILLS.

OF COURSE. SIT DOWN. DID YOU WALK HOME?

I WALKED HOME. I HAD A NICE WALK. HELLO, HARRY.

HELLO, MEL. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

MY MOUTH'S A LITTLE DRY.

I'M UNDER SEDATION.

IT CALMS ME DOWN. I FEEL FINE.

GOOD, GOOD!

LOOK WHO'S HERE, MEL-- PEARL AND PAULINE.

MM-HMM.

HELLO, DARLING.

MEH.

MEH.

HOW ARE YOU, BABY?

MY MOUTH'S A LITTLE DRY. I'M UNDER SEDATION.

IT QUIETS ME DOWN. I FEEL FINE.

CERTAINLY.

OF COURSE, DEAR.

[CHOKING BACK SOBS] YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, MEL.

I WALKED HOME. OH, I HAD A NICE WALK.

MY MOUTH'S A LITTLE DRY FROM THE PILLS.

EDNA'S GETTING YOU WATER, DEAR.

HERE YOU ARE, DARLING.

OH!

Harry: MEL?

YES, HARRY.

MEL...

HARRY WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU, MEL.

WHAT IS IT, HARRY?

NOTHING, MEL.

NOTHING.

OH. YOU ALL SEEM WORRIED.

IS SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY SICK?

YOU DON'T LOOK WELL TO ME, HAR--

YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD!

OH, DON'T WORK TOO HARD, HARRY.

I WON'T.

YOU HAVE TO RELAX.

3 THINGS I FOUND OUT AT THE DOCTOR'S--

YOU HAVE TO RELAX,

YOU MUSTN'T TAKE THE WORLD TOO SERIOUSLY,

AND YOU HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY

WHEN YOU GO OUT ON THE TERRACE.

Man: THIS IS THE 4:00 NEWS.

POLICE TODAY WERE BAFFLED BY AN UNUSUAL INCIDENT

THAT TOOK PLACE IN CENTRAL PARK.

DURING THE NIGHT, A PERSON OR PERSONS UNKNOWN

TOOK A LAWNMOWER OUT TO SHEEP'S MEADOW

AND MOWED OBSCENE WORDS INTO THE GRASS.

UNTIL THE PARKS DEPARTMENT DECIDES TO RESEED THE MEADOW

OR CUT THE REST OF THE GRASS,

THE AREA WILL BE ROPED OFF TO CHILDREN UNDER 17.

[SIGHS]

GOD...

YES?

OH, GOD.

OH, I'M GOING TO GET THAT GUY JACOBY.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE AND WHEN HE COMES IN.

AS SOON AS WE GET THE FIRST SNOW,

I'M GOING TO TAKE MY SHOVEL

FILL IT WITH HARD, WET SNOW

AND DROP IT ALL 14 FLOORS RIGHT ON HIS HEAD--

CREASE HIS FRIGGIN' SKULL.

GOD...

YOU SAID THAT.

FOR $50 AN HOUR, I'LL SAY WHAT I WANT, HUH?

A LITTLE HOSTILE TODAY, AREN'T WE?

NO, NOT A LITTLE, A LOT--VERY HOSTILE.

I MAY TEAR YOUR COUCH UP. PUT IT ON MY BILL.

YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

NO, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR 3 MONTHS!

AND ALL YOU EVER DO IS SIT THERE

CLEANING THAT STINKING PIPE.

YOU NEVER SAY A WORD.

MY WIFE'S OUT BREAKING HER BACK

TRYING TO PAY FOR IT ALL.

YOU OUGHT TO SEE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE

WHEN SHE GETS HOME AT NIGHT.

SHE'S TURNING HERSELF INTO AN OLD WOMAN

JUST FOR ME.

BY THE TIME I GET BETTER, I'LL BE TOO YOUNG FOR HER.

HA HA HA HA. THAT'S FUNNY.

HA HA HA. DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

I DO SEE SOME HUMOR TO IT, YES.

YOU DO? YES, I DO.

WELL, THEN IT COULDN'T BE FUNNY.

YOU GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR LIKE MY BROTHER.

HE LAUGHS AT THE FARMER'S ALMANAC.

YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR BROTHER. DON'T YOU LIKE HIM?

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT?

OF COURSE I LIKE HIM. I LOVE HIM.

HE'S DONE EVERYTHING FOR--

WHY DO YOU BRING UP MY GODDAMN BROTHER?

WHY "GODDAMN BROTHER" IF YOU LIKE HIM?

BECAUSE I DON'T ALWAYS LIKE HIM, THAT'S WHY.

HE CAN BE THE DULLEST SON OF A BITCH ON 2 FEET.

YOU THINK HE'D EVER PLAY WITH ME AS A KID?

YOU KNOW, BE MY PAL OR MY BUDDY?

HELL, NO. ALL HE EVER DID

WAS COMPLAIN ABOUT MY REPORT CARD--

"YOU GOT A "C," MEL.

"YOU GOT A "C" IN ENGLISH YOU GOT A "C" IN HISTORY.

FORGOT YOUR LUNCH PAIL, MEL."

HE WASN'T MY BROTHER. HE WAS MY FATHER.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. MAYBE...

JESUS. MAYBE THAT'S THE KEY TO OUR RELATIONSHIP.

YOU KNOW, THAT I WAS TRYING TO PROVE

TO HARRY, MY FATHER,

HOW SUCCESSFUL I COULD BE WITHOUT HIS HELP.

AND I NEVER FOUGHT BACK TO HIM, NOT ONCE.

I NEVER FOUGHT BACK TO ANYBODY IN THE WORLD,

AND THAT'S WHY I'M HERE TODAY.

ISN'T THAT TRUE, DOCTOR?

SORRY. YOUR TIME IS UP.

JESUS!

Man: IN SPORTS TODAY,

THE NASSAU COLISEUM OPENED ITS DOORS AND ITS HEART

WHEN IT ANNOUNCED IT WILL HOUSE

A CHARITY BASKETBALL GAME

BETWEEN THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS

AND A TEAM MADE UP OF MEMBERS

OF THE GAY LIBERATION MOVEMENT.

THE GAY LIBBERS, IN A PREPARED STATEMENT,

SAID THEY DID NOT EXPECT TO WIN,

SINCE THEIR TEAM IS YOUNG AND HAVE ONLY BEEN

PLAYING WITH EACH OTHER SINCE DECEMBER.

UNH! OOF!

WATCH IT, WILL YA?

SORRY, MAN! I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

YOU SAW ME. DON'T TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SEE ME.

TELLS ME HE DIDN'T SEE ME.

MY WALLET.

WHY, THAT DIRTY BASTARD GOT MY WALLET.

HEY! SOMEBODY STOP HIM! HE TOOK MY WALLET!

[PANTING]

HUNH!

YAAH!

HAND IT OVER!

HAND IT OVER!

ARE YOU CRAZY, MAN? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

THE WALLET! GIVE ME THE WALLET!

I'M GOING TO BUST YOUR HEAD IN, HUH?

I'VE TAKEN ALL I'M GOING TO TAKE FROM YOU GUYS!

I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY--GIVE ME THE WALLET!

OK. HERE.

GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.

GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I WORK YOU OVER.

AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS

THAT I'M GOING TO GET MY SUITS BACK, HUH?

AND MY BROWN SUEDE SHOES, TOO. YOU TELL 'EM!

WHAT HAPPENED?

I'M GETTING TIRED OF BEING SHOVED AROUND,

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

CURB YOUR DOG, WILL YOU?

PEOPLE HAVE TO WALK ON THESE STREETS.

THANKS FOR THE HELP, JOE.

OH, HELLO, MRS. EDISON.

IS MR. EDISON HOME?

I DIDN'T SEE HIM COME IN.

OH, MRS. EDISON, ELEVATOR'S OUT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, OUT?

SOMETHING WITH THE CABLES.

IT WON'T BE FIXED UNTIL ABOUT 8:00.

YOU MEAN I GOT TO WALK UP 14 FLOORS?

WATER'S OUT, TOO.

WHAT WATER? MY WATER?

EVERYONE'S WATER. THEY'RE WORKING ON THE PIPES NOW.

SHOULD BE BACK ON ABOUT 7:00.

WELL, I'M DEDUCTING IT FROM THE RENT.

YOU TELL THE SUPERINTENDENT

THAT IF I HAVE TO TAKE A BATH WITHOUT WATER,

I'M DEDUCTING IT FROM THE RENT!

YOU OUGHT TO LIVE WHERE I LIVE.

NEVER MIND!

[SOBBING]

HIYA, JOE.

HELLO, MR. EDISON.

MRS. EDISON JUST WENT UP...

AH, GOOD.

AND THE ELEVATOR'S OUT.

YOU GOT TO WALK UP UNLESS YOU WANT TO WAIT.

FOR THEM TO FIX IT? MY LEASE WILL BE UP BY THEN.

WATER'S OUT, TOO. NO WATER UNTIL TONIGHT.

I'LL PRAY FOR RAIN ON THE WAY UP.

HA HA. HA HA.

[PANTING]

[UNLOCKING DOOR]

[OUT OF BREATH] HEY, DID YOU...

[GASPING]

[COUGHING]

YOU KNOW I JUST WALKED UP 14 FLIGHTS?

YOU SHOULD'VE CALLED ME. I'D HAVE COME AND CARRIED YOU.

HEY, EDNA, LISTEN.

OH, PLEASE LISTEN,

BECAUSE I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

YOU KNOW THE WATER'S OFF?

THEY STOLE OUR WATER, MEL! DID THEY TELL YOU?

I DID SOMETHING TODAY, EDNA.

I DID SOMETHING AFFIRMATIVE.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 4 MONTHS,

I FOUGHT BACK! I FOUGHT BACK.

OH, GOD DAMN IT, THEY DIDN'T GET AWAY WITH IT

THIS TIME. OHH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MEL?

I WAS MUGGED. I WAS MUGGED, RIGHT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT,

THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. THEY GOT MY WALLET!

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING IN IT.

WHAT ABOUT MY PRIDE AND MY DIGNITY?

I GOT MY SELF-RESPECT.

AND THEY DIDN'T GET THE WALLET, EITHER.

I CHASED SOME PUNK ALL OVER THE PARK

FOR ABOUT 4--HE WAS A GOOD 20 YEARS YOUNGER

THAN ME, TOO-- BUT I GOT IT BACK.

GOT MY WALLET BACK.

SEE?

YOUR WALLET IS BROWN.

HUH?

YOUR WALLET IS BROWN. THIS ONE'S BLACK.

YOU LEFT YOURS ON THE DRESSER THIS MORNING.

THIS ISN'T YOUR WALLET, MEL.

BY GOD, I MUGGED A KID.

I MUGGED SOME POOR KID IN THE STREET.

HOW MUCH DID WE GET?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY DID HE RUN?

YOU CHASED HIM, DIDN'T YOU?

YOU'RE CHASED, YOU RUN.

WAIT A MINUTE. I GOT TO RETURN THAT, EDNA.

OH, NO! SOME OF THIS BELONGS TO US!

THEY STOLE ENOUGH FROM US!

EVERYONE IN THIS CITY HAS GOT TO SHARE ITS LOSSES.

EDNA! BUT NOT THAT WAY!

WAIT A MINUTE, EDNA. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

EDNA, WILL YOU BE REASONABLE?

DON'T YOU SEE THE IMPORTANT THING?

IT'S NOT THE MONEY. IT'S JUST THAT I GOT ANGRY.

I FOUGHT BACK. I GOT MY STRENGTH BACK.

WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US,

BECAUSE I'M OUT OF WORK!

WE WENT OUT OF BUSINESS TODAY.

WHO DID? WE DID.

THE BUSINESS THAT I'M IN WENT OUT OF BUSINESS!

THEY CANCELED THE SHOW. THEY LOST 3 ACCOUNTS.

THEY WENT OUT OF BUSINESS.

THERE IS NO BUSINESS IN THAT PLACE ANYMORE.

THEY LET YOU GO?

WELL, IF THEY'RE NOT STAYING,

WHAT DO THEY NEED ME FOR?

OH, MEL. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

IS THE WHOLE WORLD GOING OUT OF BUSINESS?

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW A BIG BUSINESS LIKE THAT

COULD JUST GO OUT OF BUSINESS.

I MEAN, IT WASN'T A LITTLE CANDY STORE, MEL.

IT WAS A BIG BUSINESS WITH DESKS AND CABINETS

AND BEAUTIFUL PICTURES ON THE WALLS

OF HORSES AND DOGS.

EDNA, LOOK, IT'S JUST A JOB. IT'S NOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I KEPT THINKING OF

ON THE WAY HOME? ONE THING.

I ONLY HAD ONE THING IN MY HEAD--A BATH.

A NICE, HOT BATH!

AND NOW THE WATER WENT OUT OF BUSINESS!

IT'LL COME BACK ON.

I WANT MY BATH! I WANT MY WATER!

YOU TELL THEM I WANT MY BATH!

EDNA, IT'S OFF. WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

YOU BANG ON THE PIPES! BANG ON THE PIPES!

TELL THEM THERE'S A WOMAN UPSTAIRS

WHO NEEDS AN EMERGENCY BATH.

MEL, IF I DON'T SIT IN SOME HOT WATER,

I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY. NOW, BANG ON THE PIPES!

EDNA, BE REASONABLE.

I BANGED FOR YOU. WHY WON'T YOU BANG FOR ME?

JESUS, IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT, EDNA. IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

IT WON'T BE ALL RIGHT! IT WON'T BE ALL RIGHT!

WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

[DROPS BRUSH]

OH, MEL...

I'M SO SORRY.

OH, GOD. I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

OH, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

JUST CALM DOWN.

OH, GEE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ANYMORE.

OH, I HAVE NO STRENGTH LEFT.

NOTHING.

I COULDN'T EVEN OPEN MY POCKETBOOK ON THE BUS TODAY.

A LITTLE BOY HAD TO HELP ME.

YOU HAVE STRENGTH, EDNA.

I HAVE ANGER!

NO STRENGTH.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME,

WHO'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF US, MEL?

I WILL.

HAVEN'T I ALWAYS TAKEN CARE OF YOU, EDNA?

I MEAN WHO'S GOING TO TAKE CARE

OF US NOW, MEL!

ME! EDNA...ME.

YOU, MEL?

TRUST ME.

DON'T YOU BELIEVE IN ME ANYMORE?

AW, LET'S LEAVE.

LET'S JUST GIVE UP AND LEAVE.

LET THEM KEEP THEIR GARBAGE AND THEIR CROOKS

AND THEIR AIR CONDITIONERS AND THEIR JOBS!

I JUST WANT TO LIVE OUT THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU

AND SEE MY GIRLS GROW UP HEALTHY AND HAPPY,

AND ONCE IN A WHILE, I'D LIKE TO HAVE SOME WATER

TO TAKE A BATH!

PLEASE, MEL, PLEASE.

EDNA, IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT,

BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO LET THEM KICK US OUT.

THIS IS MY CITY. WE'RE GOING TO STAY IN MY CITY.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET SOME WATER,

I PROMISE YOU.

YEAH? [DOORBELL RINGS]

THAT'S THE SUPERINTENDENT. I'LL KILL HIM!

EDNA! JUST A MINUTE.

YOU'RE VERY UPSET. I'LL HANDLE THIS.

JUST RELAX.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT IN THE TUB

AND WAIT FOR THE WATER TO COME ON, HUH?

OH. YOU TELL THEM I WANT A WHOLE TUBFUL,

NOT JUST 2 INCHES!

YOU TELL 'EM, MEL! TELL 'EM!

I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU, MEL--NOW.

I'M PARKED IN A LOADING ZONE--15 MINUTES.

I DROVE IN ALL THE WAY FROM THE COUNTRY.

I JUST WALKED UP ALL THESE STAIRS.

I DON'T WANT TO GET A TICKET, SO CAN WE TALK?

SURE. COME ON IN.

I'D RATHER NOT, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I UNDERSTAND HOW EDNA FEELS ABOUT ME.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE CAUSE OF ANY MORE TROUBLE.

IN THE HALLWAY, OK?

I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE, OK?

IN THE HALL?

EDNA, I GOT TO GO OUT FOR A FEW MINUTES!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

Edna: IT'S NOT FLUSHING!

I CAN'T FLUSH THE LOUSY TOILET!

SHE CAN'T FLUSH THE TOILET.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING, MEL? EMOTIONALLY, I MEAN.

IS IT ALL RIGHT TO SAY THAT?

EMOTIONALLY? IT'S A VERY NICE WORD.

I DON'T MIND IT AT ALL.

I BROUGHT YOU SOME APPLES FROM THE COUNTRY.

UH-HUH.

WAIT UNTIL YOU TASTE THESE.

YOU ALWAYS USED TO LOVE APPLES. I REMEMBER THAT.

ARE YOU ALLOWED TO EAT THEM NOW?

APPLES DON'T AFFECT THE MIND, HARRY.

THEY DON'T?

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK IN THE APARTMENT?

NO, NO. HERE IS FINE.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO EDNA,

SHE'S VERY UPSET WITH THE FAMILY.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

SHE HASN'T SAID ONE UNKIND WORD TO ME ABOUT ANYBODY.

THE WOMAN DOESN'T LIKE ME. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THE WHOLE WORLD DOESN'T HAVE TO LIKE YOU.

I WANTED TO DELIVER THIS IN PERSON,

AND THEN I'LL GO.

YOU DROVE 40 MILES AND WALKED UP 14 FLIGHTS

TO BRING ME 6 APPLES,

AND I'M THE ONE WHO'S CRAZY?

NOT JUST THE APPLES, MEL.

I HAVE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANTIAL

THAN APPLES.

HERE. THIS IS FOR YOU AND EDNA.

THE APPLES ARE SEPARATE.

WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S THE CHECK. IT'S THE MONEY.

GO BUY YOURSELF A SUMMER CAMP.

JULY AND AUGUST, GO TAKE CARE OF 300 RUNNY NOSES.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THIS IS FOR $25,000.

YOUR SISTERS AND I CONTRIBUTED EQUALLY: 50-50.

I'M TELLING THEM ABOUT IT TOMORROW.

HARRY? HEY, HARRY!

HARRY! HEY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF.

WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO RUN A SUMMER CAMP?

BUT IF THAT'S WHAT GIVES YOU PLEASURE,

GOOD LUCK, MEL.

GOD BLESS YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHEN DID EDNA ASK YOU FOR THIS?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? IT'S OVER.

EVERYBODY GOT A LITTLE EXCITED,

AND EVERYBODY SAID SOME THINGS

THAT EDNA DIDN'T MEAN.

WHAT? TAKE IT.

KEEP IT, MEL. TAKE THE MONEY. BUY YOUR CAMP.

NOW GO BACK UPSTAIRS. WALK SLOWLY,

OR YOU'LL GET A STITCH.

PLEASE, I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU,

BUT I CANNOT TAKE THIS MONEY.

I AM ALL RIGHT NOW.

I CAN STAND ON MY OWN 2 FEET.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME DO THIS FOR YOU?

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME

HAVE THE SATISFACTION OF MAKING YOU HAPPY?

YOU ALREADY HAVE BY OFFERING IT.

NOW GET RID OF THAT.

THEY SEE THAT MUCH MONEY IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT TO THE CORNER.

YOU LET EVERYBODY ELSE TAKE CARE OF YOU--

PEARL, EDNA, PAULINE--

EVERYBODY EXCEPT ME, YOUR BROTHER.

WHY AM I ALWAYS EXCLUDED FROM THE FAMILY?

WHO KNOWS?

I HAD TO WORK WHEN I WAS 13 YEARS OLD.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO BE THE FAVORITE.

OH, ALL RIGHT. YOU WANT TO BE THE FAVORITE?

I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.

I'LL CALL THE GIRLS UP TOMORROW MORNING,

AND I'LL SAY FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE THE FAVORITE.

I'M NOT BLAMING YOU. IT'S ONLY NATURAL.

WHEN THERE ARE 2 BROTHERS IN A FAMILY,

AND ONE IS OUT WORKING ALL DAY,

THEN THE ONE WHO STAYS HOME IS THE FAVORITE.

I WASN'T THE FAVORITE.

I WAS THE BABY, HARRY.

YOU WERE THE FAVORITE!

I WAS NOT!

DON'T TELL ME. THEY PLAYED WITH YOU

FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT!

NO ONE COULD KEEP THEIR HANDS OFF YOU!

I LIVED IN THAT HOUSE 31 YEARS!

NOT ONCE DID ANYONE EVER SING ME "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!

THAT'S NOT TRUE, HARRY!

YOU ALWAYS HAD A BIRTHDAY PARTY,

ALWAYS HAD A GREAT BIG CAKE!

I HAD PARTIES. I HAD CAKES.

NOBODY EVER SANG "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO FOR YOU THIS YEAR?

I'M GOING TO HIRE THE WEST POINT GLEE CLUB,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

LIKE YOU NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE.

11 YEARS OLD, I WAS WEARING LONG PANTS.

WHEN I WAS 14, I HAD A LITTLE MUSTACHE!

AT THE MOVIES,

I HAD TO BRING MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

THEY WANTED TO CHARG ME ADULT PRICES!

I KNOW, HARRY.

YOU WERE THE OLDEST LIVING AMERICAN TEENAGER.

DID YOU EVER SEE PEARL'S FAMILY ALBUM?

THERE ARE NO PICTURES OF ME AS A BOY!

I SKIPPED RIGHT OVER IT.

THOUSANDS OF PICTURES OF YOU--

ON PONIES, ON BICYCLES, IN BARBER CHAIRS.

ONE PICTURE OF ME IN A 1938 BUICK.

I LOOK LIKE HERBERT HOOVER.

I'M SORRY, HARRY.

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING NOW, MEL.

I'VE NEVER TOLD THIS TO ANYBODY.

I DON'T THINK YOU GOT A BRAIN FOR BUSINESS.

I DON'T THINK YOU CAN HANDLE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS.

I THINK YOU'RE A CHILD, A BABY,

A SPOILED INFANT.

BUT AS GOD IS MY JUDGE,

MANY'S THE NIGHT I LAY IN BED ENVYING YOU.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

WHAT I'VE GOT, YOU'LL NEVER HAVE,

BUT WHAT YOU'VE GOT, I'D LIKE TO HAVE JUST ONCE,

JUST FOR AN HOUR,

JUST TO SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE THE FAVORITE.

WHAT IF I GAVE YOU A BIG FAT KISS ON THE MOUTH?

KISS ME, I'LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY.

[ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN]

[WOMAN GIGGLING]

BETWEEN US,

WE DON'T HAVE THE BRAINS TO PUSH A BUTTON.

I LOVE YOU, HARRY.

NOW SAY YOU LOVE YOUR LITTLE BABY BROTHER.

YOU'RE NOT BETTER YET, YOU HEAR ME?

YOU'RE NOT BETTER YET!

YOU'RE STILL A VERY SICK MAN!

[BANGING ON PIPE]

EDNA!

DEAR, I KNOW YOU MEANT PERFECTLY WELL,

BUT I WISH THAT--

EDNA?

EDNA? I WISH THAT IN THE FUTURE,

YOU WOULDN'T ASK MY FAMILY FOR $25,000

WITHOUT FIRST DISCUSSING IT WITH ME.

DON'T YOU YELL AT ME.

WHO'S YELLING? YOU'RE YELLING.

I'M BEING PERFECTLY REASONABLE.

FIRST FILL UP MY BATHTUB,

THEN YOU CAN BE PERFECTLY REASONABLE.

HOW COULD YOU BEG MY FAMILY FOR MONEY?

I DIDN'T BEG.

THEY OFFERED MONEY FOR A DOCTOR.

I SAID I DIDN'T NEED IT FOR A DOCTOR.

I NEEDED IT FOR A CAMP. I NEVER BEGGED ANYONE.

HOW AM I GONNA WASH MY HAIR, WITH GINGER ALE?

DON'T YOU SEE? I'M ALL RIGHT NOW.

IT'S HUMILIATING FOR ME

TO ASK MY FAMILY FOR MONEY.

YOU DIDN'T ASK THEM!

YOU WEREN'T THE ONE THAT WAS HUMILIATED!

I WAS. I WAS THE ONE THAT SAT HERE

IN FRONT OF THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

YOU WERE OUT TAKING A NICE

TRANQUILIZED WALK IN THE PARK!

TRANQUILIZED? SEDATED, NOT TRANQUILIZED.

I WAS SEDATED.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU WERE PETRIFIED.

I WAS THE ONE THAT WAS HUMILIATED.

NEXT TIME, YOU BE HUMILIATED, AND I'LL BE SEDATED.

YOU REALIZE YOU'RE SPEAKING TO A MAN

WHO JUST HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

THAT FAR AWAY.

THAT FAR AWAY? I HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

HAVEN'T YOU ANY REGARD FOR A MAN'S ILLNESS?

YOU DON'T SOUND SICK TO ME NOW.

NOW? I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT NOW, EDNA.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THEN.

AND IT WAS SEDATED, NOT TRANQUILIZED!

SEDATED!

I WISH TO HELL YOU'D GET SEDATED AGAIN,

SO YOU'D STOP YELLING AT ME!

Woman: WILL YOU SHUT UP DOWN THERE, YOU HOODLUMS?

HEY. HEY!

EDNA--OH, JESUS!

WHO ARE YOU CALLING HOODLUMS?

YOU AND YOUR LOUDMOUTHED HUSBAND!

DON'T YOU CALL US NAMES!

YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T HALF THE MAN MY HUSBAND IS!

AND WE HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THE WATER.

WE REMEMBER THE WATER!

Woman: MY HUSBAND WILL BE HOME SOON,

AND IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, YOU'LL GET MORE OF THE SAME!

AHA! WITH WHAT?

WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GET THE WATER?

WHERE'S YOUR WATER, BIG MOUTH?

EDNA...

NOW, WILL YOU GET OUT OF THERE?

I'M SORRY. MY WIFE DIDN'T REALLY--

THEY DID IT AGAIN.

WHERE'D THEY GET THE WATER?

WHERE DID THEY GET THE WATER?

PEOPLE LIKE THAT ALWAYS HAVE WATER.

THEY SAVE IT UP SO THAT PEOPLE LIKE US

CAN ALWAYS GET IT.

OH...

WELL, I THINK YOU'RE BEHAVING VERY WELL, MEL.

I THINK YOU'RE TAKING IT BEAUTIFULLY THIS TIME.

THAT SHOWS REAL PROGRESS.

I THINK YOU'VE GROWN THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE.

I REALLY DO.

YOU KNOW...

I THINK YOU REALLY ARE ALL RIGHT.

HMM.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, MEL,

'CAUSE YOU'RE BETTER THAN THEM.

YOU'RE BETTER THAN ALL OF THEM.

BETTER IN EVERY WAY.

OH...

OH, HO HO.

Kelting: THIS IS ROGER KELTING AND THE 6:00 REPORT.

HEAVY SNOW WARNINGS HAVE BEEN POSTED

ALONG THE EASTERN SEABOARD TONIGHT,

AND HERE IN NEW YORK,

A RECORD 33 INCHES HAVE BEEN FORECAST.

SNOW PLOWS WERE ORDERED OUT ON THE STREETS,

AND CITY RESIDENTS WERE ASKED TO GET OUT THEIR SHOVELS

IN A JOINT EFFORT TO SHOW HOW NEW YORKERS

CAN LIVE TOGETHER AND WORK TOGETHER

IN A COMMON CAUSE.