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1
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,798
Welcome to Butterface Fields.
2
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:40,904
America.
Small Town, USA.
3
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,069
The white picket fences
around here
4
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,703
probably need repair,
but, uh, I like us...
5
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,339
Uh, care about us.
6
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:53,250
We... We make our share
of mistakes.
7
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:54,684
But you'll see.
8
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:58,088
This is Floyd's.
Floyd's Bar.
9
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,091
Also our coffee shop,
our clubhouse,
10
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:02,093
our spot for Sunday brunch and...
11
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,095
Oh, that's me.
12
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:07,394
The miserable one.
Andy Sargentee.
13
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,662
Ah, today I'm too tired of it.
14
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,533
More unaccepting than even usual.
15
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,038
We shouldn't interrupt him.
16
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,574
- He's busy.
- He's busy thinking.
17
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,837
Friends don't let
friends think.
18
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,538
We should do something.
19
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,604
- Stop him.
- Just go see what's wrong.
20
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,946
- Go, go, go.
- Go on, go on.
21
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,052
Come on.
22
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,450
Let's go.
23
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,285
Hi, Andy.
24
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,723
You want to come over and, uh,
25
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,625
sit with us, Andy?
26
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,196
Hey, Andy.
27
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:40,290
What are you doing, thinking?
Don't do that, Andy.
28
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,971
Okay. Well, Andy,
we're over here.
29
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,975
Yeah, we're...
right over here, Andy.
30
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,637
That was Moe and Ron.
31
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,806
We always call 'em Moe-Ron.
32
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:58,316
They're never apart.
Good guys.
33
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:01,148
I'd... I'd just had enough
of not having enough.
34
00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:04,621
There had to be something
that I could come up with.
35
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,920
You need to stop taking
a dump around here, Andy.
36
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,326
In fact, you need
to start wearing a diaper.
37
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:11,420
- That's an order.
- You stopped me from calling.
38
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,056
You said you wanted them needy.
39
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,431
Thought we might be able
to jack up the price on "em.
40
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:17,902
- Oh, I said that?
- A lot of people heard you.
41
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,996
You're fired, stinky.
Good-bye.
42
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,769
No more telling the boss
to blow himself.
43
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,834
I am trying to hold
onto these jobs.
44
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,310
That's the scary part.
45
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,677
You've got to give it
a different kind of try.
46
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,478
Aw, Jesus, Andy!
What the hell?
47
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,348
Are you out of your mind?
48
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:34,511
Would've been niftier
49
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,316
if I hadn't already been fired.
50
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:39,290
Anyway...
51
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,589
My wife Thelma,
she divorced me this year.
52
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,822
I know I would stand by you.
53
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,456
I'm even willing
to believe in you.
54
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,469
I... I just...
55
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,005
I just don't know
what else to do.
56
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:57,799
If you want me back,
let me know.
57
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,470
I wanted her back,
58
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:02,344
but I didn't do anything
to get her back.
59
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,882
Thel gets good scores.
60
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,384
She deserved plenty
and got nothing from me.
61
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:07,783
Bye, Dad.
62
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,288
Eventually she met a guy,
married him.
63
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:14,225
Did real well for herself,
and that's as it should be.
64
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,693
She's got the kid, Bill.
65
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,788
Ah, he's a...
He's a good kid.
66
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,390
L... I wish I had more
to offer him.
67
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:25,130
See, the reason that everybody
was so worried, uh...
68
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,730
Well, I-I've gotten
like this before, and, uh,
69
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,207
the ideas that I come up with...
70
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,505
Well, when I get 'em,
I tend to go with 'em,
71
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,911
and we're close here,
so others go with me.
72
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,813
I got us all to put in big
on one of those pyramids.
73
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,215
Tech at the height of the bubble.
74
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:41,981
Selling vitamins, even,
but we were all selling them,
75
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,522
so there was no one to buy 'em.
76
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:44,682
Stuff like that.
77
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:45,986
Oh, crap.
78
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,994
Barney Macklehatton,
my best pal.
79
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,359
I had bigger problems.
80
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,193
How long has he been like this?
81
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:53,357
A long time.
82
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,025
Didn't you do anything?
83
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,501
I've been feeding him
free drinks.
84
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,162
That's my best trick.
85
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,603
Floyd, Barney's father.
86
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:01,003
Get younger.
87
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,074
Eat shit.
88
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,075
That's nice.
They've become even closer
89
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,372
now that Barn's mom's passed on.
90
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:09,609
Andy, please,
don't do this.
91
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,724
We're in some trouble here.
92
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,920
That's Helen Tatelbaum.
93
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,624
Hey, You turn pro?
94
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:27,773
Barney's in love with her,
95
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,395
ever since we were kids,
right to this minute.
96
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,563
No greater love
has the world ever known.
97
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,300
So, uh, what time's
this married guy
98
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,465
supposed to pick you up?
99
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:36,940
He's not married, Barney.
100
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,408
They're never married, Helen.
101
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:39,638
They just have wives.
102
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:41,714
I told you this one is not married.
103
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,716
Okay.
104
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,411
But this one's not coming.
105
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:46,816
It's 9:30.
106
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,615
What time was he
supposed to pick you up?
107
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,155
I'm guessing 8.
108
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,485
Bastard.
109
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:59,991
But they've never gotten together, though.
110
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,830
Just hold on. We get out of this bar
pretty soon, by the way.
111
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,062
Ho!
112
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,071
Hey!
113
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,401
Man, how you doing?
114
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,305
Uh, that's Moose.
115
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:12,071
He really behaves like this.
Has no idea how it seems.
116
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,346
Yeah, he... he's gay.
117
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:17,575
For some reason, he doesn't
want us to know this.
118
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,778
Seems to honestly believe we don't.
119
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,481
Yeah, I assumed you needed
some explaining.
120
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,147
Oh, and, uh, we didn't name him.
121
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,622
Two out of three.
122
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,990
He came to us one day
and said, uh,
123
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,288
"Please call me Moose."
124
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:32,092
We don't ask questions.
125
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,828
Hey, Andy.
Why all glum, buddy?
126
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,666
Hey, let's get out of here
127
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,296
and rustle us up
a couple of babes.
128
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:41,670
Always lifts my spirits.
129
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,504
Not the only thing it lifts.
Boom!
130
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,305
He's serious.
131
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,007
Oh, that's just Some Idiot.
132
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,376
Hiya, Some Idiot.
133
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,211
- Hey, Some.
- How was school tonight, Some?
134
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,717
Some Idiot. Hey!
135
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,310
Some Idiot attends
junior college night school.
136
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,856
He studies something different
each night he attends.
137
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:01,655
Love the guy.
Him we named.
138
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:04,322
So, yesterday was my kid's birthday.
139
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:07,332
I haven't seen him in a while.
Since before the honeymoon.
140
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,563
They took the kid,
put him in a private school, too.
141
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:13,696
Then they had to move
into this guy's house.
142
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,002
So I want to get him
something really nice...
143
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,509
really nice from his dad.
144
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,097
And the kid loves basketball.
Loves it.
145
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,544
Can I help you?
146
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:23,582
Yeah, uh, which ball
do the pros play with?
147
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:26,049
- Uh, that one there.
- Mmm.
148
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:29,053
- Eighty bucks for a ball?
- Yup.
149
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:32,215
This is definitely
the ball the pros use, hmm?
150
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,726
Definitely the pro ball,
and it's definitely $80.
151
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:36,989
Well, 79.99.
152
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,190
Plus there's
tax on that, right?
153
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,826
Yeah, I didn't hear
anything about this
154
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,095
being a no-tax day.
155
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,329
Do you think it might be?
156
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,666
Are you being fresh?
157
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,707
I don't know
what "fresh" means.
158
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,368
Look, I want to buy this ball.
159
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,036
I may be a little short.
160
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,944
So, what, are you
going to steal it?
161
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,413
What?
162
00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:57,693
Well, no, I thought
that's what
163
00:06:57,717 --> 00:06:59,082
you were going to say.
164
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,863
"Cause Wally, he usually
charges full price,
165
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,617
so that just leaves stealing.
166
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:05,782
Is Wally around
or a manager or...
167
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,725
Yeah, Wally's here.
Sure. I'll get him.
168
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:15,901
Wally?
169
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,699
Guy with no money
in basketballs.
170
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,873
- Hi, what can I do for you?
- Oh, yeah, I, um...
171
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,538
I, uh, want to buy this ball.
172
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,706
I have the money.
173
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,044
Absolutely. Terrific.
174
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,583
No, no. Uh...
175
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,482
I may be a little short
on my credit card.
176
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,554
Can we squeeze as much
as we can on it,
177
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,715
and then maybe I could
let you hold something
178
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,725
until I come back, uh,
you know, with the rest?
179
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,761
I... I need to have
the ball right now.
180
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,489
- No.
- No?
181
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:44,790
Excuse me. Wally?
182
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,832
You may be being fresh.
183
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,561
All right. Well, let's, um...
Let's try this.
184
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,400
I, uh, may have some room
on this other credit card.
185
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,406
- You know...
- You know what?
186
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,634
L... I might have some, uh...
187
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,642
This ball here is 39.99.
188
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,735
This is a very good ball.
189
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,781
He's going to ask you
about tax now.
190
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:04,248
This isn't the official ball.
191
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,682
Absolutely correct.
192
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,616
But that's not
the only special ball.
193
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,621
This ball, too, is special.
194
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:11,919
Now, if you were
to describe that ball,
195
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,619
state its special significance,
196
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:16,184
you might say that that
ball is used in the pros,
197
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,594
whereas this ball's
special significance,
198
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:22,533
stated, is that you may
be able to afford it.
199
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:26,332
What kind of businessman
are you'Come on. Uh...
200
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,203
Give me a break.
Build some customer relations.
201
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,953
You think I'm really
looking for the customer
202
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,672
who's a bust-out
by dollar 80?
203
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:34,804
I could have friends.
204
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,111
A guy who doesn't
have 80 bucks
205
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,707
doesn't have rich friends.
206
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:43,152
But I bet you have some
lovely 39.99 friends.
207
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:51,529
You're going to gift wrap
this for me, right?
208
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,826
Why, certainly, sir.
209
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:04,909
Yeah, I'd sure hate to lose you
as a customer.
210
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,075
Take it easy.
211
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,413
I knew this guy was rich.
212
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,215
Ah, I didn't know he was
this goddamn rich.
213
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,720
As you might've guessed,
214
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,183
I had no trouble getting the house
215
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,419
in the divorce settlement.
216
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,495
I've met the guy before
a couple times.
217
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,722
He's very nice.
218
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,058
Hello, Andy.
219
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,895
Welcome. Welcome.
Please, come in.
220
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,231
Nice place. Big.
221
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,930
Thank you.
222
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,837
Um, so we had
a really nice trip.
223
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,900
I think Billy enjoyed it.
At least I hope he did.
224
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,205
He'll be right down.
225
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,839
Or you can go up.
How you been?
226
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,883
Oh, uh, I'm good.
227
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,440
Hello, Andy.
228
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,678
Oh, hey, Thel.
229
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,913
How are you?
230
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,387
Good. You look good.
231
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:51,924
Thank you.
232
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,516
How's everything?
233
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,856
Oh, everything...
234
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,521
- Are you working?
Is fine.
235
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,962
Some place, huh?
236
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,692
- Billy must love it.
- Yeah.
237
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,361
- Hey, Dad!
- Hey, birthday boy!
238
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,305
Hey.
239
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,566
Hey.
240
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,870
- Some place you got here.
- Yeah. You wanna see it?
241
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,808
I can show you around.
You gotta see my room.
242
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,469
Yeah. Yeah.
243
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,775
Go ahead. Go ahead.
See you guys later.
244
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:18,373
Hey, get your dad
something to drink.
245
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:24,921
Nice guy. Howard.
246
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,424
Yeah, I really like him.
247
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,960
I mean, He's not
as great as you,
248
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,824
but if you and mom
had to split up...
249
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:31,897
Hey, hey.
I want you to like him.
250
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,728
Don't worry about that.
251
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,960
Hey, I got you something.
252
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,579
Oh, great.
You didn't have to do that.
253
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,934
Yeah, right, Dopey.
254
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,572
Ah.
255
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,477
Whoa. Dope.
256
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:59,524
Ha. This is some room, Dopey.
257
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,924
Yeah, you know, Howard
has lots of money, so...
258
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,361
Yeah, that's good quality.
259
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,591
Whew.
260
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,531
Listen, Dad, about this weekend.
261
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:09,635
Mm-hmm?
262
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:10,862
Do you think it'd be okay
263
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,767
if I didn't come stay with you?
264
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,170
It's just this guy
in my class,
265
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,639
my first new friend
at this school,
266
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,370
has a country house
and invited me for the weekend.
267
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,038
Oh. No, go have fun
with your friends.
268
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,992
It's not that I don't
want to hang out with you.
269
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,483
No. No.
Hey, you know.
270
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:25,950
You're getting
older now,
271
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,953
you have things to do
with your friends.
272
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,298
Yeah, it's just
for this weekend.
273
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:30,653
Are you sure you understand?
274
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:33,351
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Go, have a great time.
275
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:35,859
- Go.
- All right.
276
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,452
Hey, give me my present.
277
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,356
Oh, this'No, no.
278
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,458
Dad, I know
it's a basketball.
279
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,697
It's okay.
I don't have one from you.
280
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:47,966
This isn't for you.
281
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,509
Uh, I'm definitely
giving you something,
282
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,374
but I just forgot to bring it.
283
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,503
I'm sorry.
I'll get it to you.
284
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,173
Really, Dad,
it doesn't matter.
285
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,049
If you bought it for me,
I'd like to have it.
286
00:11:58,084 --> 00:11:59,415
But I didn't, Bill.
287
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:00,729
Didn't you understand
what I said?
288
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,353
This isn't for you.
This is for somebody
289
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,481
I have to see after...
Later.
290
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,024
Sorry.
291
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:08,356
I'm real sorry
you can't stay.
292
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,328
Yeah, me, too.
Wish I could. L...
293
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,057
Yeah.
Hey, uh, Andy?
294
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,558
Um...
295
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:18,364
Look, um...
296
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,668
All right, you have a great son.
297
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,368
And I also care
about him a great deal,
298
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,434
and I hope that's okay.
299
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:29,208
Now, um, I've been
very fortunate in my life,
300
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,342
and it's my pleasure
to give to Billy,
301
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,182
but if you're not
comfortable with that...
302
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,450
You give, uh, whatever you like.
303
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,616
Whatever you got. Lots.
304
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:43,423
You know, He's a good kid.
It's good of you to...
305
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:45,861
Yeah, thanks.
I gotta go.
306
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:55,439
That was a good day.
307
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:58,908
Oh, while we were gone,
Otis came in.
308
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:00,741
I don't know.
309
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:02,610
He's my friend, I love the guy,
310
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,979
and, yeah, I'm apologizing
ahead of time,
311
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,278
but hang in there.
312
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,251
No one loves women more than me.
313
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,811
I like women
more than I like men.
314
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:12,220
I like women so much
that I can't understand
315
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,492
why they're not all lesbians.
316
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,823
I'm not related to the guy.
317
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,919
I'm discouraged, God damn it!
318
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,259
I hear you, Andy.
319
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,126
You've got to give it
a different kind of try.
320
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,103
He's not reading that paper.
321
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:29,505
Not that.
322
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,273
This is America.
323
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,077
Anything's possible!
324
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:41,450
Think, Andy! Think!
325
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:44,285
Whatever he comes up with,
we're not in.
326
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,415
You have a great son.
327
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,753
You're fired, stinky. Good-bye.
328
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,851
I'd sure hate to lose you
as a customer.
329
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,707
Oh, crap.
330
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:10,277
We're gonna make
a porno film!
331
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,516
Wop-bop-a-loo-mop-a-lop-bam-bam
332
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,018
Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie
333
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:17,612
Tutti Frutti, whoo
334
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,885
Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie
335
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:22,290
Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie
336
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,058
Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie
337
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,496
A-wop-bop-a-loo-mop
a-lop bam bam
338
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:30,195
I got a gal named Sue
339
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:32,203
She knows just what to do
340
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,899
I got a girl named Sue
341
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:37,567
She knows just what to do
342
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,042
She rock me to the East
343
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,407
She rock me to the West
344
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,845
But she's the girl
that I love best
345
00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,213
Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie
346
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,809
Tutti Frutti, whoo
347
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,082
Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie
348
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,714
Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie
349
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,419
You definitely qualify
for a free rental.
350
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:09,601
Porn is a $12 billion industry
351
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:10,835
in annual sales.
352
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:17,942
959 million rentals of porn
353
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,278
reported this year.
354
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:23,446
15,000 new ones are coming out.
355
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,717
300 a week.
356
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:29,922
What are the newest,
hottest things in porn?
357
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,725
Amateur porn.
358
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,279
The stuff that just
any idiot can make
359
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,391
with his video camera.
360
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,628
Any idiot.
361
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,796
Some Idiot's
got a brother.
362
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:43,808
Now, we are amateurs.
363
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,140
This is so right for us.
364
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:48,713
Now, what's even better
365
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,043
is we're gonna
do something
366
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,316
that's never
been done before.
367
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:54,545
We're gonna be
the first town
368
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,451
to band together
369
00:15:56,556 --> 00:16:01,459
to make the first
full-length feature
370
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:05,156
amateur adult film.
371
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:06,458
So, two firsts for us.
372
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,966
This could be really noisy.
373
00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:10,558
I wanna go for the brass ring here.
374
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,230
You know, why do it otherwise?
375
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,466
Am I right, Emmett?
376
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:15,651
We're behind you
100%, Andy.
377
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,438
Sure.
378
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:22,240
Is that camera
connected to his face?
379
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,907
Pass those over there.
380
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:28,283
Emmett, Floyd, is what
they call a film guy.
381
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:32,791
He's one of those guys
that knows all about movies,
382
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:36,192
making them and seeing them.
383
00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:38,855
Well, He's seen everything.
He works at a video store.
384
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,991
- And that's Emmett?
- Emmett is a film guy, Moose.
385
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,363
He's a film guy, Moose.
386
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,630
I know that, Barney.
I heard Andy.
387
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,265
Well, great.
Welcome, Emmett.
388
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,606
Emmett has been
taking film classes
389
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,612
that have lasted all
summer long, and, uh...
390
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,840
I've taken classes.
391
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,506
I know that, Some Idiot.
392
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,642
I gotta tell you, I have
a feeling about this kid.
393
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,186
Andy, all the blood
from the stone
394
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:02,948
that is me is yours
without asking.
395
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,182
Just curiosity here.
396
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,155
What's in it for Emmett?
397
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:08,386
Emmett is our...
398
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:09,494
Cinematographer.
399
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:10,722
Cinematographer.
400
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,991
He's going to shoot the film.
401
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,056
And he, you know,
knows what He's doing.
402
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,896
Plus, He's gonna do it for free.
403
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,197
Perfect.
404
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,568
Just doing it
for the experience.
405
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,641
Okay?
406
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,301
I'm in.
Except for no money,
407
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,470
it's a no-brainer for me.
408
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,843
First off, making a stag film
409
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,074
has to be a good time.
410
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,149
Number two,
my hat's off to you.
411
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,479
Good job.
We can do this.
412
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,213
What are we talking about here?
413
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,312
Making a dirty movie...
film, whatever, whatever.
414
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,187
What does that require?
415
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,818
Pointing a camera
at a he and a she
416
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,088
he'in and a she'in.
417
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:45,686
We film some sex,
we got a porno.
418
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,062
We have accomplished our goal.
419
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:49,430
It's not a hundred things,
it's one thing.
420
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,696
The one thing people
most want to do.
421
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,238
Proceed, don't mind us,
422
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:54,899
we're just doing
a little filming here.
423
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,418
It's so specific,
it's so well-defined,
424
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:57,773
I gotta say we can do this.
425
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,037
Thank you, Otis.
426
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:01,341
I'm with you, Otis.
You said it.
427
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,939
All right, buddy.
Go porno.
428
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,541
Porno! Porno!
429
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,553
I can't wait, you know?
Down in front.
430
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:13,058
I'm no choirboy,
but if we make a porno,
431
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,456
then we've made a porno.
432
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,187
Doesn't the mafia make them?
433
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,025
Well...
434
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,588
All right, enough snacks.
435
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,034
Floyd, good question,
436
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,537
but the mafia
isn't making this one.
437
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,769
Butterface Fields is, hmm?
438
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:31,809
Each of us has lived here
all our lives.
439
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,141
We score, we score together.
440
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:35,770
Right.
441
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:37,059
We don't want to hurt anybody.
442
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,260
We know why we're doing this.
443
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,478
It's business, right?
444
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:41,065
That means we're
gonna need a script?
445
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,144
Yeah, that's right.
446
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:43,721
I'm the guy for that.
447
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,814
Well, we'll talk about that, Some.
448
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,984
But just sex scenes
sounds fine to me, eh.
449
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,288
No. No, Otis. No.
450
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,795
- And we're gonna need a director.
- That's right. Yeah.
451
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:54,593
- I'm the guy for that.
- We'll talk about that, Some.
452
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,929
First, let me just...
453
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,779
Andy, you think I haven't
studied screenplay writing?
454
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,464
Screenplay.
That's what it's called.
455
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,132
- Yep. Some?
- A script for a movie.
456
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,453
- We'll talk about that later.
- There's a name for people like me.
457
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,842
They're called writer/directors.
458
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,469
We do two things.
459
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,104
Hollywood had to invent it
460
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,775
because there's a lot of people
in Hollywood like me
461
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:12,851
that are multi-gifted.
462
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,249
Come Christmas morning,
463
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,345
a kid has two gifts
under a tree.
464
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,286
You can't ask him
to open just one.
465
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:20,018
- Sophie's Choice.
- What's that, kid?
466
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,354
Uh, Sophie's Choice.
467
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,155
Yeah, if you like.
Sure, kid.
468
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:24,490
The kid could be named Sophie.
469
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,929
See, Andy?
We're creating.
470
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,695
It's called collaboration.
I work well with others.
471
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,429
Andy, Clara and Mrs. Morelli
472
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,598
have asked me to ask you
just when can they get a look
473
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,107
at some big porno wienie,
474
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,338
"cause they just love
the big porno wienie.
475
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,347
Funny, Otis, but, please,
476
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,543
let me just go on, okay?
477
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,677
Andy, how much is this
going to cost each of us?
478
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,221
Uh, total, uh...
479
00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:51,633
Should we starting writing
checks now, Andy?
480
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,454
Yeah, we're in, Andy.
481
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,192
Two grand apiece.
482
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:56,386
- Oh, my...
- 'Kay,
483
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:57,673
- Now we were off and running.
- What?
484
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,697
Each?
485
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,698
We were all equal partners financially,
486
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,327
but I told them that those involved
in making the film
487
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,338
would get something
that's called screen credit.
488
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,874
They'd see their name
when they watched the film.
489
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:12,500
Nobody thought that was
anything too great.
490
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:15,342
And then I had explained that
I had watched a lot of films
491
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,882
to prepare for this,
and had at my house
492
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:20,645
some excellent examples of porno.
493
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:27,222
There were two
problems immediately.
494
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,851
Where was everyone
gonna get two grand,
495
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,261
and of those who
wanted to be involved
496
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,696
in, uh, the production,
497
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,200
who was gonna do what?
498
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,758
Here, I've learned
499
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,565
movies are supposed
to show, not tell,
500
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,232
so I'll show you Otis telling me
what he'd like to do.
501
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:44,332
- Andy, I appreciate you coming by.
- Ah...
502
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:46,605
- Hey.
- Hey, Rev.
503
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:47,712
Hello.
504
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,082
I'm gonna get my money.
505
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,616
Oh, great.
506
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,049
You know I want in,
507
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,384
and I want in as more...
508
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:57,683
more than just an investor.
509
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:01,124
I wanna be involved.
Totally.
510
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:04,025
Well, you know, it takes
a lot of people to make a movie.
511
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,096
There's lots to do.
512
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,131
Do you have some idea
what you'd like to do?
513
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:09,531
I'd like to watch.
514
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:14,130
Well, you know about
this movie film stuff, Andy.
515
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,935
Is there a guy,
516
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,941
when you're making a movie,
517
00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:21,740
who just stands around?
518
00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:23,714
Andy, I know
why you're doing this,
519
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,047
and I'm rooting for you
and I'm with you.
520
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,143
Really.
521
00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:30,620
I mean, we know
each other how long, huh?
522
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:31,985
You are familiar with my life.
523
00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:35,322
You may notice
that I'm sweeping here.
524
00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:37,258
I don't like being
a custodian of a church,
525
00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:39,141
but I wouldn't like anything else,
either, you know?
526
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:41,998
Life is a little too dirty
for my taste, in general.
527
00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:44,212
People, for the most part,
aren't really my cup of tea,
528
00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:46,466
but, now, you tell me that
for the next week or two
529
00:21:46,572 --> 00:21:48,733
that I...
530
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:51,402
I get to hang around
with porno peacharoonies,
531
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,344
and be there while they do their thing?
532
00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:56,437
And drink coffee with them,
533
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:57,914
and after coffee, you know,
534
00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,507
walk them over
to their next hump.
535
00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:01,163
I mean, I can't think of anything better
536
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:02,654
I could win at a raffle.
537
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,814
And afterward...
538
00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:07,415
you're gonna put
money in my pocket?
539
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,154
Great.
540
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,776
I'm not gonna be changed
by this event,
541
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,429
but that's better than my days go.
542
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:22,031
Can you use a guy like me, Andy?
543
00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:24,041
Otis was made executive producer
544
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:25,371
on the film.
545
00:22:28,214 --> 00:22:29,374
Hey, Some.
546
00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:31,346
Hey, guys.
Thanks a lot for coming.
547
00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:33,008
Let me get right to the point.
548
00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:35,450
Andy, I'd like to talk
to you about the film.
549
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:38,285
I'd really... I'd like
to be the writer/director.
550
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,655
Yeah, I know, Some.
551
00:22:40,726 --> 00:22:43,661
Uh... isn't that
an awful lot to handle?
552
00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:44,889
Sure it is, Andy Sure it is.
553
00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:46,508
But that's why it's
so attractive to me.
554
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,228
But, Some, you'd actually
have to write the script,
555
00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:52,634
and I'm sure directing
means that you'd really
556
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,673
need to seem like
you have some idea
557
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:56,002
about what you're doing.
558
00:22:56,075 --> 00:22:58,236
Andy, look.
559
00:22:58,344 --> 00:23:00,244
Andy, look.
Come here.
560
00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:02,871
I promise you,
I will not show up
561
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:04,973
on that set before
I can seem like
562
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:07,075
I have some idea
of what I'm doing.
563
00:23:07,186 --> 00:23:09,814
Already I've been in
a photography class.
564
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,050
Not just one class,
a few nights.
565
00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:14,057
- I know.
- Writing class.
566
00:23:14,159 --> 00:23:18,892
And, Andy, I am not lying,
I've taken a film class.
567
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,829
Showed up pretty often.
568
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,061
We watch movies
and talk about "em.
569
00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:25,068
Look, forget all that.
Listen to me, Andy.
570
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,229
When you yelled out the other night
571
00:23:27,339 --> 00:23:29,398
that we were gonna make a film,
572
00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:32,272
it was honestly a sign
from God for me.
573
00:23:32,378 --> 00:23:34,710
I mean, just that day...
I swear this, Andy...
574
00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:36,771
I came to the realization...
575
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:39,908
I mean,
I've never known anything
576
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:41,680
or felt anything
577
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:44,552
so clearly in my life
578
00:23:44,623 --> 00:23:46,420
that what I'm meant to be,
579
00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:48,083
is that my...
580
00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:50,855
my destiny is to be...
581
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:53,797
a... director.
582
00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:57,460
Some, I won't let you
develop my snapshots,
583
00:23:57,569 --> 00:23:59,537
and I love you.
584
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:02,598
That's the other thing.
585
00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:04,352
You're filming this thing,
right, not videoing?
586
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:06,742
Yeah, Emmett can get
something called short ends
587
00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:08,541
of 16mm film.
588
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:09,974
Film looks a lot
better than video,
589
00:24:10,049 --> 00:24:11,626
which is another way
ours will stand out.
590
00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:15,609
The place we send the film to
from this place...
591
00:24:15,721 --> 00:24:19,589
does all the developing
for all the big movie outfits.
592
00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:22,991
I could work some big time
magic over there.
593
00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:25,461
Developing won't be
your biggest expense.
594
00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:28,658
Not if I'm the writer/director.
595
00:24:28,767 --> 00:24:30,564
Andy, this is your baby.
596
00:24:30,636 --> 00:24:32,900
I only want success for you.
597
00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:35,440
And look, Some is
a friend of mine, too,
598
00:24:35,507 --> 00:24:38,067
but certainly one of our keys
to success here
599
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:41,169
is to keep him as far away
from this thing as possible,
600
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,942
and you just made him
the writer/director.
601
00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:47,474
Okay, good, he can help us
with the developing...
602
00:24:47,586 --> 00:24:48,746
No, he can't.
603
00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:50,755
This is Some
we're talking about.
604
00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:53,155
He stopped developing at 15.
605
00:24:53,258 --> 00:24:54,589
What do you want me to do?
606
00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:57,026
You want me to take away
the guy's destiny?
607
00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:59,029
That's why I'm doing this,
Barney, you know?
608
00:24:59,131 --> 00:25:01,258
I'd give anything if everybody
or any one of us
609
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:03,324
could get some destiny
out of this.
610
00:25:03,435 --> 00:25:05,680
I just wanna make sure
you've thought this thing through.
611
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:08,104
You're the only level headed,
solid guy in the whole town.
612
00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:09,834
Solid'Like a rock?
613
00:25:09,942 --> 00:25:12,775
And that's why...
614
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:15,780
I'm hoping that... that you'll, uh,
615
00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:17,440
produce this thing with me.
616
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,950
You know,
be my co-producer, hmm?
617
00:25:20,019 --> 00:25:21,611
Co-producer?
618
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:24,019
Yeah, well, you know...
619
00:25:24,123 --> 00:25:26,853
you have a way with people
that I just don't have.
620
00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:30,451
I want you to be head
of public relations, too.
621
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:31,826
Head?
622
00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:33,023
Yeah.
623
00:25:33,132 --> 00:25:34,565
And co-producer?
624
00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:35,877
- That's two things.
- Yeah, I know.
625
00:25:35,901 --> 00:25:38,131
If it's not asking too much.
626
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:40,330
Okay, so, the funding.
627
00:25:40,406 --> 00:25:42,465
Some of the town
actually had two grand.
628
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,566
Others got another credit card.
629
00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:47,736
Moe-Ron got it out of their pension
from the factory.
630
00:25:47,846 --> 00:25:49,643
Otis borrowed it from the reverend.
631
00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:51,740
Uh, didn't tell him
what it was for, of course.
632
00:25:51,850 --> 00:25:55,581
Otis claims he's a gay reverend,
by the way.
633
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,917
Me, Barn, Moose, and Some Idiot
634
00:25:58,023 --> 00:26:00,321
simply did what we hoped
we'd never have to.
635
00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:02,087
We hocked our fathers' watches.
636
00:26:02,194 --> 00:26:04,992
Moose, his mother's pin.
637
00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:06,929
Hi, Mom and Pop.
638
00:26:07,032 --> 00:26:11,059
Look, about this new thing
I'm doing, uh...
639
00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:14,936
I realize it might not fall
under how you raised me,
640
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,940
it's just not all like you said.
641
00:26:17,042 --> 00:26:18,737
You know, some of the stuff
you taught me,
642
00:26:18,844 --> 00:26:20,835
it's just not applicable.
643
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:24,747
You were wrong about
some stuff, Mom, Pop.
644
00:26:27,453 --> 00:26:30,013
I don't know why I am the way I am,
645
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,580
but I have to get something going.
646
00:26:32,691 --> 00:26:33,902
That's gotta be most important.
647
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,622
Now, it's business.
648
00:26:36,728 --> 00:26:38,286
You know, America.
649
00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:39,864
I love you.
650
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:41,763
I'm trying to be a good boy.
651
00:26:41,867 --> 00:26:45,064
This could work out.
I have a feeling.
652
00:26:47,806 --> 00:26:50,741
It was time for our
first production meeting.
653
00:26:52,744 --> 00:26:54,371
Oh, there you go!
654
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:56,437
Emmett was now
a member of our team,
655
00:26:56,548 --> 00:26:58,277
and we were very encouraged
by his ability.
656
00:26:58,383 --> 00:27:00,408
We figured if he's
this good a third baseman,
657
00:27:00,486 --> 00:27:03,250
he can't be a bad cameraman.
658
00:27:03,322 --> 00:27:04,983
Emmett!
659
00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:07,320
Emmett! Excellent!
Excellent!
660
00:27:07,426 --> 00:27:08,893
To the porno!
661
00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:10,895
Porno! Porno!
662
00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:12,931
Porno! Porno!
663
00:27:12,998 --> 00:27:14,829
Hey, I'm sure you got
more important things
664
00:27:14,933 --> 00:27:16,945
you'd like to talk about,
but I can't stand it anymore.
665
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:19,267
Let's hear about the gals you
got lined up for the porno.
666
00:27:19,338 --> 00:27:20,965
Yeehaw! Boy, that's
what I wanna know.
667
00:27:21,073 --> 00:27:22,913
Let's hear about the gals
we got in the porno.
668
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:25,500
It's all I can think about.
I can't even sleep anymore.
669
00:27:25,611 --> 00:27:28,011
- You should see the bags under my eyes.
- Eye on the ball!
670
00:27:28,113 --> 00:27:30,758
As the director, I'm very eager
to find out who my cast is going to be.
671
00:27:30,782 --> 00:27:34,081
And as the writer, needless to say,
it's a total advantage
672
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:36,348
to know who you're writing for.
673
00:27:36,455 --> 00:27:39,515
It's going to help my script immensely,
so go ahead, Andy.
674
00:27:39,625 --> 00:27:42,270
Hey, you got the gals to get hose-arinoed,
et cetera, in the porno, right?
675
00:27:42,294 --> 00:27:45,593
Oh, please, Andy, stop teasing us.
676
00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:50,529
Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
677
00:27:50,636 --> 00:27:52,126
Come on.
678
00:27:52,204 --> 00:27:54,502
John, let's go.
679
00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:57,769
Of course, Andy's got the gals
lined up for the porno.
680
00:27:57,843 --> 00:28:01,870
I mean, how would we have
a porno without gals, right?
681
00:28:01,980 --> 00:28:04,448
Fellas, you're talking
about casting...
682
00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:07,451
casting, uh, you know,
that takes place
683
00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:09,043
during preproduction,
684
00:28:09,154 --> 00:28:11,281
and we're in
preproduction now.
685
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:13,950
- Right, Emmett?
- Preproduction.
686
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:15,970
And, fellas, that's really
one of the main things
687
00:28:15,994 --> 00:28:17,655
I wanted to talk
to you about tonight.
688
00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:20,220
Andy, to make a good porno film,
689
00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:23,563
I'm gonna need some gals
to get boned and give head and stuff.
690
00:28:23,669 --> 00:28:25,034
You need a script first.
691
00:28:25,137 --> 00:28:26,570
How can you cast
without a script?
692
00:28:26,672 --> 00:28:28,367
Well, I'm working on that.
693
00:28:28,473 --> 00:28:30,236
Excuse me,
694
00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:31,741
isn't the role of the gal
695
00:28:31,843 --> 00:28:33,401
getting futzed in unthinkable ways
696
00:28:33,512 --> 00:28:35,742
go to whoever we can get to do it?
697
00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:36,847
Am I wrong?
698
00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:39,748
Fellas, we have money
in the budget to pay the actors,
699
00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:43,810
or we offer them what's called
a piece of the backend.
700
00:28:45,524 --> 00:28:47,992
Just like we're each getting
701
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:49,994
you know, equal share
of the profit
702
00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:52,030
for our two grand,
703
00:28:52,097 --> 00:28:54,895
in exchange for acting services rendered,
they get a share.
704
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,161
For a half-a-dozen guys unloading on you
705
00:28:57,236 --> 00:28:59,568
so you look like a melted candle today,
706
00:28:59,671 --> 00:29:01,434
we will gladly pay you on Tuesday?
707
00:29:01,540 --> 00:29:04,373
I don't know who's gonna
go for that one, A.
708
00:29:04,443 --> 00:29:05,740
Strike!
709
00:29:05,844 --> 00:29:08,108
All right, this was
our first little hiccup.
710
00:29:08,213 --> 00:29:11,341
So, well, we needed
to get some gals.
711
00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:13,281
Uh, Otis made a good point, though.
712
00:29:13,385 --> 00:29:16,115
We probably could cast without a script.
713
00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:22,023
Hey, Helen, how you doing?
714
00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:24,221
Hey, Some, how you guys doing?
715
00:29:24,296 --> 00:29:26,594
You having trouble
with the porno film?
716
00:29:26,698 --> 00:29:31,101
Yes, a little casting trouble.
717
00:29:31,203 --> 00:29:33,433
We just need some lovely ladies
718
00:29:33,538 --> 00:29:36,234
with half your looks,
and we'd be golden.
719
00:29:36,308 --> 00:29:38,208
You want me to be
in your porno film?
720
00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:40,211
- Yeah.
- No.
721
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:41,871
I'm the writer/director.
722
00:29:41,947 --> 00:29:43,608
I'm not gonna be
in your porno film, Some.
723
00:29:43,715 --> 00:29:45,979
I would never do that.
I got better things to do.
724
00:29:46,084 --> 00:29:48,143
Who knows, Helen?
725
00:29:48,253 --> 00:29:50,585
It could be an opportunity
to make some real money.
726
00:29:50,656 --> 00:29:56,060
Right now I'm waiting
on this really terrific guy.
727
00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:57,789
He's gonna take me
into the city,
728
00:29:57,896 --> 00:30:01,593
and we're gonna have
a big time.
729
00:30:01,667 --> 00:30:04,465
We might be going
to the Bahamas next week...
730
00:30:04,569 --> 00:30:06,469
or the week after...
He's taking me.
731
00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:09,131
What time is he supposed
to pick you up?
732
00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:11,903
Eightish.
733
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:15,435
Well, it's pretty close to 10.
734
00:30:17,616 --> 00:30:19,607
He said "ish."
735
00:30:22,788 --> 00:30:23,982
Mine! Mine! Mine!
736
00:30:24,089 --> 00:30:25,089
Aah!
737
00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:27,819
I know some dishes
who would do it for me as a favor
738
00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:29,860
"cause I've done them
a few favors in the past,
739
00:30:29,961 --> 00:30:31,519
if you know what I mean.
740
00:30:31,630 --> 00:30:35,122
But, unfortunately,
they're all out of town.
741
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,431
Well, some...
Some are out of town.
742
00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:41,199
Uh, one broke her leg.
743
00:30:41,306 --> 00:30:42,534
And her back.
744
00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:44,768
Um, she's in a full body cast,
745
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:45,953
so that wouldn't really work.
746
00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:48,605
Well, not easily, anyway.
747
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,114
From the bar, we went back to my house,
748
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,777
which is also the production office.
749
00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,615
I had this idea
750
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,154
that we should draw up a list
751
00:30:57,222 --> 00:30:59,053
of the types of scenes we needed.
752
00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:01,625
This way we'd know how many
cast members to get,
753
00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:03,490
and what it is we'd be asking them to do.
754
00:31:03,562 --> 00:31:04,562
Can we do that?
755
00:31:04,663 --> 00:31:09,032
See, there are some
required scenes in all pornos,
756
00:31:09,134 --> 00:31:11,159
you know, scenes that,
well, you gotta have,
757
00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,999
obviously, because,
well, they all have 'em.
758
00:31:13,071 --> 00:31:14,402
Okay, that does it.
759
00:31:14,506 --> 00:31:18,875
Now, we need at least
one lesbo scene,
760
00:31:18,977 --> 00:31:21,537
so that's two gals.
761
00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:23,637
One gal masturbating with toys.
762
00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:26,240
That could be one of the gals
from the lesbo scene.
763
00:31:26,351 --> 00:31:27,978
- Right?
- Mmm.
764
00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:29,418
At least one, uh...
765
00:31:29,521 --> 00:31:30,818
You know, maybe
it'd be best
766
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,413
if it weren't.
767
00:31:32,524 --> 00:31:33,855
What do you mean, Some?
768
00:31:33,925 --> 00:31:35,859
What is the lesbo scene
gonna include?
769
00:31:35,927 --> 00:31:38,259
A lot of donut bumping
and carpet munching, right?
770
00:31:38,363 --> 00:31:41,560
So it's gonna concentrate
a lot in the same area
771
00:31:41,666 --> 00:31:45,033
as the gal-twiddling
scene, isn't it?
772
00:31:45,103 --> 00:31:47,196
If we use one of
the same gals from both,
773
00:31:47,272 --> 00:31:48,705
then maybe we'd...
774
00:31:48,774 --> 00:31:50,708
Be tired of
looking at her fruit cup.
775
00:31:50,776 --> 00:31:54,041
Oh, all right.
I hear you.
776
00:31:54,112 --> 00:31:55,443
All right.
See, this is good.
777
00:31:55,547 --> 00:31:56,741
We're working together.
778
00:31:56,848 --> 00:31:58,179
You know,
let's keep this up.
779
00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,081
Some, looking alive, buddy.
780
00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:01,277
Thank you.
781
00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:02,580
You're walking
and talking
782
00:32:02,687 --> 00:32:04,450
like a real writer/director now.
783
00:32:04,556 --> 00:32:05,887
Yeah.
784
00:32:05,957 --> 00:32:08,289
Okay, let's keep going.
785
00:32:08,393 --> 00:32:10,623
So, at least
one in-the-butt scene.
786
00:32:10,729 --> 00:32:13,129
Preferably two, but one will do.
787
00:32:13,231 --> 00:32:15,893
It's amazing how popular
in-the-butt is.
788
00:32:15,967 --> 00:32:17,127
In porno.
789
00:32:17,235 --> 00:32:21,797
Uh... okay, moving on.
790
00:32:21,907 --> 00:32:24,774
One "black guys with dicks
that'd be big on elephants
791
00:32:24,876 --> 00:32:26,571
with a little white girl" scene.
792
00:32:26,645 --> 00:32:28,055
Where we're gonna
get the black guy,
793
00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:29,205
I have no idea,
794
00:32:29,281 --> 00:32:31,749
but... that about does it.
795
00:32:31,817 --> 00:32:36,083
Uh, girl gobbling at least
three guys at once, Andy.
796
00:32:36,154 --> 00:32:37,644
Oh, good.
Thanks, man.
797
00:32:37,756 --> 00:32:40,224
- Oh, whoa. Whoa.
- Good call.
798
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:46,231
"Gal giving multiple knob jobs
799
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:48,892
concurrently" scene.
800
00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:52,903
Okay, here are the scenes.
801
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:55,337
We got lesbo,
802
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:56,566
masturbating,
803
00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:57,641
a couple in-the-butt,
804
00:32:57,742 --> 00:32:59,801
white girl, black guys,
805
00:32:59,911 --> 00:33:03,677
and blowing three.
806
00:33:03,782 --> 00:33:06,751
- Good porno.
- Mm-hmm.
807
00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:11,288
Hi, Floyd.
808
00:33:15,193 --> 00:33:16,922
Moe-Ron, hi.
809
00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:18,121
How ya doin"?
810
00:33:18,196 --> 00:33:19,595
Good.
811
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:28,639
Hey, Thelma.
812
00:33:28,707 --> 00:33:30,868
Hi.
813
00:33:33,278 --> 00:33:36,475
Oh. Oh.
814
00:33:36,548 --> 00:33:38,482
Hmm.
815
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:44,621
Well...
816
00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:47,954
So, um...
817
00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:51,325
Billy's worried now that
you've seen our place
818
00:33:51,396 --> 00:33:53,796
that you're uncomfortable
about having him
819
00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,059
spend the weekends with you.
820
00:33:55,166 --> 00:33:56,531
Well, I see him on weekends.
821
00:33:56,635 --> 00:33:58,364
You take him
out to dinner on Friday,
822
00:33:58,470 --> 00:34:02,031
and then a few hours
on Saturday and Sunday.
823
00:34:02,140 --> 00:34:03,402
Well...
824
00:34:03,508 --> 00:34:05,653
You know, he thought
you'd be together on the weekends.
825
00:34:05,677 --> 00:34:09,078
There are no sheets
on his bed, Thel.
826
00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:11,080
When you moved out,
you must've taken them.
827
00:34:11,182 --> 00:34:12,782
There's just a stripped
bed in his room.
828
00:34:12,817 --> 00:34:16,218
I didn't leave dirty sheets on the bed
829
00:34:16,321 --> 00:34:18,687
when I packed up the room.
830
00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:22,921
I'm sure that they're
in the linen closet,
831
00:34:23,028 --> 00:34:24,655
or I'll buy you some new sheets.
832
00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:26,060
I have a linen closet?
833
00:34:26,164 --> 00:34:29,600
Are there sheets for my bed
in there, you think?
834
00:34:29,701 --> 00:34:34,195
Andy, Billy doesn't care about houses,
835
00:34:34,272 --> 00:34:36,604
and he doesn't want you to care.
836
00:34:36,708 --> 00:34:39,609
You know He's not even
that good at basketball.
837
00:34:39,711 --> 00:34:41,178
He only plays it
because you did.
838
00:34:41,246 --> 00:34:43,612
Well, soon, I promise.
839
00:34:43,715 --> 00:34:46,275
I'm just in the middle
of this thing right now,
840
00:34:46,384 --> 00:34:47,908
the house is a mess with it,
841
00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:49,452
but I need to go with this thing.
842
00:34:49,554 --> 00:34:52,284
You know, this could
really be a good thing.
843
00:34:52,390 --> 00:34:54,915
This... this could be it.
844
00:34:55,026 --> 00:34:58,553
You know, I got a feeling.
845
00:34:58,630 --> 00:35:00,427
Good luck, Andy.
846
00:35:02,534 --> 00:35:06,061
My fingers are crossed
in double knots for you.
847
00:35:09,541 --> 00:35:10,940
Bye.
848
00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:13,738
You look pretty, Thel.
849
00:35:19,217 --> 00:35:21,082
This is Some Idiot's mother's house.
850
00:35:21,152 --> 00:35:22,710
Some lives with his mom.
851
00:35:22,787 --> 00:35:24,982
She's mostly deaf, by the way.
852
00:35:25,090 --> 00:35:27,149
All right, so we've skipped ahead
a little here.
853
00:35:27,258 --> 00:35:29,886
Just a little.
We still had no cast.
854
00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:32,327
We went to Some's
for an afternoon snack.
855
00:35:32,430 --> 00:35:35,627
To his credit, he was taking
this thing pretty seriously.
856
00:35:35,734 --> 00:35:37,634
Some was reading all kinds
of books on film,
857
00:35:37,736 --> 00:35:41,399
and had a first draft
of the script for us.
858
00:35:41,473 --> 00:35:43,566
- Example.
- Uh, not anything good.
859
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:44,973
"Page 44.
860
00:35:45,076 --> 00:35:48,102
"Exterior. Top of train. Day.
861
00:35:48,179 --> 00:35:50,340
"The train speeds through the city
862
00:35:50,448 --> 00:35:52,916
"as Yvonne and Jizelle
lay on the top of the train,
863
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:55,077
eating out each other's honey pots."
864
00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:58,850
First of all, well,
that's a very nice scene.
865
00:35:58,957 --> 00:36:00,117
We don't have
any women yet,
866
00:36:00,191 --> 00:36:01,522
let alone two
to yodel each other
867
00:36:01,626 --> 00:36:03,321
on the top of a moving train.
868
00:36:03,428 --> 00:36:06,829
And then, here, reaction shots
869
00:36:06,931 --> 00:36:08,956
from people in skyscrapers
870
00:36:09,034 --> 00:36:11,195
as they peer and gawk
out their windows
871
00:36:11,302 --> 00:36:13,327
at the passing train.
872
00:36:13,438 --> 00:36:14,666
You know, again, terrific,
873
00:36:14,773 --> 00:36:16,434
but where is this?
874
00:36:16,508 --> 00:36:18,100
We're gonna build a city
875
00:36:18,176 --> 00:36:19,700
for the train to pass through
876
00:36:19,811 --> 00:36:22,871
that's surrounded
by skyscrapers?
877
00:36:22,981 --> 00:36:25,176
What, are we gonna
fly somewhere?
878
00:36:25,283 --> 00:36:27,444
And then here.
This is my favorite.
879
00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:31,546
99. "Interior. Office. Day.
880
00:36:31,656 --> 00:36:33,851
"Boris gives it to
Bianca in the butt
881
00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:36,324
as she defuses the bomb."
882
00:36:36,394 --> 00:36:38,658
I mean, you know, a bomb?
883
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:41,460
Some Idiot, tell your friends
to stop talking so much.
884
00:36:41,566 --> 00:36:42,794
How can they eat?
885
00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:44,211
Everybody's good, Ma.
Don't worry about it.
886
00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:45,725
It's an important
meeting here, Mom.
887
00:36:45,837 --> 00:36:47,134
This is delicious,
Mrs. Cherkiss.
888
00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:48,900
How's your son, Andy?
889
00:36:49,007 --> 00:36:50,201
Does he like being rich?
890
00:36:50,308 --> 00:36:51,502
Oh, yeah.
891
00:36:51,576 --> 00:36:54,477
I hear He's got a basketball court
in his room. Is that right?
892
00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:56,070
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Great.
893
00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:00,976
Some, I don't know.
894
00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:03,213
Uh, I mean personally,
895
00:37:03,321 --> 00:37:05,755
I think Bianca, you know,
896
00:37:05,857 --> 00:37:07,415
she might be a little distracted
897
00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:09,152
if Boris visits her back porch
898
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,161
while she's diffusing the bomb.
899
00:37:11,229 --> 00:37:14,027
And it's kind of irresponsible
900
00:37:14,099 --> 00:37:15,691
of them, you know?
901
00:37:15,767 --> 00:37:18,759
So many people die
if the bomb goes off!
902
00:37:18,870 --> 00:37:21,100
Some, we don't know
what we're doing!
903
00:37:21,206 --> 00:37:22,264
I mean, really, Some.
904
00:37:22,373 --> 00:37:24,534
Even I could keep my hands
off some hot dolly
905
00:37:24,609 --> 00:37:26,076
if she was busy
diffusing a bomb,
906
00:37:26,177 --> 00:37:27,508
at least for a few minutes.
907
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:29,945
I really think Boris
should show some restraint.
908
00:37:30,048 --> 00:37:31,743
Andy, Orson Welles said,
909
00:37:31,850 --> 00:37:34,410
"The absence of limitation
is the enemy of art."
910
00:37:34,519 --> 00:37:36,009
I'm sorry,
but what's the point
911
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,554
of letting me write the script
912
00:37:37,622 --> 00:37:39,749
if you're not gonna
let me do what I do?
913
00:37:39,858 --> 00:37:42,258
We don't know
what we're doing, Some!
914
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,021
We've got to keep it simple!
915
00:37:44,095 --> 00:37:45,975
Otherwise, we're never
going to make this porn!
916
00:37:46,064 --> 00:37:47,429
Andy, first off,
917
00:37:47,532 --> 00:37:49,523
lesbians are not going
to be hard to find.
918
00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:51,679
Read a magazine. They're
growing on trees these days.
919
00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:53,796
We couldn't
film a kiss today.
920
00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:55,031
Who wants Jell-o?
921
00:37:55,106 --> 00:37:56,630
You know that scene
922
00:37:56,741 --> 00:37:58,402
where the helicopter lowers the ladder
923
00:37:58,476 --> 00:38:01,309
and Congresswoman Pennedy
and her black bodyguard Leroy,
924
00:38:01,412 --> 00:38:02,772
they grab on,
they're swooped away
925
00:38:02,814 --> 00:38:04,247
just in the nick of time?
926
00:38:04,315 --> 00:38:06,146
She proceeds to blow him
on the ladder
927
00:38:06,251 --> 00:38:08,048
while they're swung
around the sky?
928
00:38:09,721 --> 00:38:11,780
That scene is covered
by our budget?
929
00:38:11,890 --> 00:38:13,152
That's not my...
930
00:38:13,258 --> 00:38:14,987
It's got cut-up fruit in it.
931
00:38:15,093 --> 00:38:17,823
Some, this thing is 190 pages.
932
00:38:17,929 --> 00:38:19,089
You got to figure
933
00:38:19,164 --> 00:38:21,257
that a porno is
like an action film.
934
00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:23,061
Who needs "The car blows up.
935
00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:25,602
"A huge red fireball
engulfs the area,
936
00:38:25,670 --> 00:38:27,331
"sending flaming pieces
937
00:38:27,438 --> 00:38:29,133
"of burning metal
through the air.
938
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,071
People flee,"
et cetera, et cetera?
939
00:38:31,142 --> 00:38:32,507
Pears and apples.
940
00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:33,941
"The car blows up.
941
00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:36,139
The gal blows the guy" will do.
942
00:38:36,247 --> 00:38:37,271
We get it.
943
00:38:37,348 --> 00:38:39,782
Nine, ten pages, no more.
944
00:38:39,851 --> 00:38:41,662
Uh, Mrs. Cherkiss, you
don't have to serve us.
945
00:38:41,686 --> 00:38:43,017
Join us here.
946
00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:44,782
- Okay, honey.
- I have to go.
947
00:38:44,856 --> 00:38:46,016
That's it,
right there.
948
00:38:46,124 --> 00:38:47,455
Let's see here.
949
00:38:47,525 --> 00:38:48,583
Thank you.
950
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:49,970
Okay, I've been sitting
on this all night,
951
00:38:49,994 --> 00:38:51,359
waiting for the right moment.
952
00:38:51,462 --> 00:38:53,589
I saved the day.
Finally got us some gals.
953
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:55,428
- At least one for sure.
- What?
954
00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:56,967
I've been wracking my brain.
955
00:38:57,035 --> 00:38:58,832
These are modern times.
956
00:38:58,937 --> 00:39:00,700
There must be
some gals around here
957
00:39:00,805 --> 00:39:02,466
who would like to do some porn.
958
00:39:02,540 --> 00:39:05,532
The opportunity has
simply not lent itself.
959
00:39:05,643 --> 00:39:07,270
And then it hit me.
960
00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:09,040
I got embarrassed,
it's so obvious.
961
00:39:09,147 --> 00:39:10,307
Who is it?
962
00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:12,212
Who's the sure thing?
Tell us.
963
00:39:12,317 --> 00:39:14,148
The gal at the bed store.
964
00:39:14,219 --> 00:39:16,210
- Hey!
- She's hot!
965
00:39:16,321 --> 00:39:17,652
Right'Come on.
966
00:39:17,722 --> 00:39:19,280
- Yeah, I like her.
- Oh!
967
00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:20,881
How did you...
When did you ask her?
968
00:39:20,992 --> 00:39:22,550
Haven't yet.
We got to do that.
969
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:24,218
Then she didn't say
she'd do it.
970
00:39:24,329 --> 00:39:26,559
- Barney, she works in a bed store.
- Yeah?
971
00:39:26,664 --> 00:39:28,154
A gal who works in a bed store,
972
00:39:28,233 --> 00:39:30,565
you know she likes to what?
973
00:39:30,668 --> 00:39:32,158
Earn a living?
974
00:39:32,237 --> 00:39:35,138
Go to bed,
A.K.A. Lie down,
975
00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:36,730
A.K.A. Scrump.
976
00:39:36,841 --> 00:39:38,706
I do'I know that?
Since when do I know that?
977
00:39:38,810 --> 00:39:40,402
Why else would she
work at a bed store?
978
00:39:40,511 --> 00:39:41,808
Again, I mention salary.
979
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,191
- Maybe she likes to sleep.
- Yeah, she probably loves both,
980
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:46,360
but we're only concerned
with the "her loving to scrump" part.
981
00:39:46,384 --> 00:39:47,544
I don't think you're right.
982
00:39:47,585 --> 00:39:48,745
No, I'm positive.
983
00:39:48,853 --> 00:39:50,150
We're all missing this?
984
00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:51,966
Four idiots doubting something
makes it untrue?
985
00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:53,924
She works at a bed store.
986
00:39:54,025 --> 00:39:56,152
Scrumping's her middle name.
987
00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:58,252
Vegetarians don't sell hot dogs!
988
00:39:58,363 --> 00:40:01,093
Emmett, I ask you something.
I tell you a gal works in a bed store.
989
00:40:01,199 --> 00:40:03,759
- What do you know for sure?
- Loves to scrump.
990
00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:32,726
She's in.
991
00:40:32,797 --> 00:40:34,697
Are you serious?
992
00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:37,462
We have our first cast member?
993
00:40:37,568 --> 00:40:39,195
Now we were really off and running.
994
00:40:39,270 --> 00:40:40,396
Otis, way to go!
995
00:40:40,471 --> 00:40:42,371
I cannot believe it!
This is fantastic!
996
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,702
You told her everything?
997
00:40:43,775 --> 00:40:45,208
Oh, yeah,
she'll do it in the butt,
998
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:46,800
off helicopters,
with toys, anything.
999
00:40:46,911 --> 00:40:48,242
She works in a bed store,
1000
00:40:48,313 --> 00:40:49,556
so naturally
she loves scrumping.
1001
00:40:49,580 --> 00:40:51,741
I cannot believe it!
1002
00:40:51,816 --> 00:40:53,113
You just asked her,
1003
00:40:53,217 --> 00:40:55,549
and now we have
our first cast member.
1004
00:40:55,620 --> 00:40:58,646
Andy, I wasn't kidding
when I said
1005
00:40:58,756 --> 00:41:00,747
I was looking forward
to this porno.
1006
00:41:00,825 --> 00:41:03,157
And let this be
a lesson to all of us.
1007
00:41:03,261 --> 00:41:07,721
In life, nothing ventured,
nothing gained.
1008
00:41:10,668 --> 00:41:13,000
Unfortunately,
a little problem came
1009
00:41:13,104 --> 00:41:14,571
from Otis' success.
1010
00:41:14,639 --> 00:41:16,231
It encouraged Some.
1011
00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:18,400
The next day,
he called me all revved up
1012
00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:20,137
and insisted
I meet him right away.
1013
00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:21,322
He's got us another actress.
1014
00:41:21,346 --> 00:41:23,837
Charlene Pike.
Works here full time.
1015
00:41:23,948 --> 00:41:25,176
She's 20,
I'm telling you.
1016
00:41:25,283 --> 00:41:26,648
She looks 16.
1017
00:41:26,751 --> 00:41:29,015
But she's 20.
Five days ago.
1018
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,953
I know it for a fact.
I remember when she was born.
1019
00:41:32,023 --> 00:41:34,184
You told her everything,
in detail,
1020
00:41:34,292 --> 00:41:35,782
about what she'd be doing?
1021
00:41:35,860 --> 00:41:38,693
I swear to God, Andy,
tell her yourself.
1022
00:41:38,796 --> 00:41:40,286
According to Some,
1023
00:41:40,365 --> 00:41:42,663
Charlene wanted
to do our porno... a lot.
1024
00:41:42,767 --> 00:41:45,031
I'm not comfortable with this.
It feels wrong.
1025
00:41:45,136 --> 00:41:46,936
I don't think we'd be
doing the right thing.
1026
00:41:46,971 --> 00:41:50,134
Free country, Andy.
If she wants to... She's 20.
1027
00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:51,835
We're not twisting her arm
1028
00:41:51,943 --> 00:41:54,275
or telling her lies
to get her to do it,
1029
00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:55,505
and we need her.
1030
00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:56,978
What about Ernest G.?
1031
00:41:57,048 --> 00:41:59,107
He'd actually
kill us in a second.
1032
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:01,515
The only really dangerous screwed-up guy
1033
00:42:01,619 --> 00:42:04,179
that's ever lived around here
is this guy Ernest G...?
1034
00:42:04,288 --> 00:42:06,381
Ernest G. Pike,
Charlene's big brother.
1035
00:42:06,491 --> 00:42:08,789
Ernest G.'s somewhere where
he gets very little news
1036
00:42:08,860 --> 00:42:10,170
and where they don't allow killing.
1037
00:42:10,194 --> 00:42:13,061
He's doing time upstate
for a bunch of robberies.
1038
00:42:13,164 --> 00:42:15,142
He won't be away forever.
What about when he gets out?
1039
00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:16,326
Well, it's not today.
1040
00:42:16,401 --> 00:42:17,993
That's all we have to worry about.
1041
00:42:18,069 --> 00:42:19,468
I've been to the movies before.
1042
00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:21,630
I assume you have, too,
so we both know
1043
00:42:21,706 --> 00:42:23,298
this guy is popping up here soon.
1044
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:25,467
I just feel better coming clean with it now
1045
00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:27,010
rather than treating you
1046
00:42:27,078 --> 00:42:28,598
like a bunch of idiots
who didn't know.
1047
00:42:28,646 --> 00:42:30,204
Anyway...
1048
00:42:30,314 --> 00:42:32,373
When the day does come,
if he finds out,
1049
00:42:32,483 --> 00:42:34,144
we'll be rich enough
to hire bodyguards
1050
00:42:34,218 --> 00:42:36,846
or someone to rough him up,
whatever.
1051
00:42:36,921 --> 00:42:39,412
I can't worry about
the distant future, Andy,
1052
00:42:39,524 --> 00:42:42,823
not when there's
a piece of good fortune
1053
00:42:42,894 --> 00:42:44,521
available to us right now.
1054
00:42:44,595 --> 00:42:47,496
Just talk to her.
1055
00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:52,525
Has Some, uh, told you, uh...
1056
00:42:52,603 --> 00:42:56,733
what... you'd be doing?
1057
00:42:56,841 --> 00:42:58,604
Yeah.
1058
00:42:58,709 --> 00:42:59,937
Okay.
1059
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,548
W-Why would you want to do this?
1060
00:43:04,615 --> 00:43:07,379
Ever worked at
the Softy Freeze, Andy?
1061
00:43:07,452 --> 00:43:09,943
No. No, they...
they wouldn't hire me.
1062
00:43:10,054 --> 00:43:13,455
Andy, why the hell do you
live in Butterface Fields?
1063
00:43:13,558 --> 00:43:14,684
Are you crazy?
1064
00:43:14,759 --> 00:43:16,693
I mean, why would
anybody do that,
1065
00:43:16,761 --> 00:43:18,194
let alone want to do that?
1066
00:43:18,262 --> 00:43:20,127
Do you want to see my list
1067
00:43:20,231 --> 00:43:22,358
of opportunities
that have come my way?
1068
00:43:25,470 --> 00:43:28,405
Andy, I'm just seizing
any openings
1069
00:43:28,473 --> 00:43:30,771
because I don't know
what else to do.
1070
00:43:30,875 --> 00:43:32,638
I mean, I've had sex before.
1071
00:43:32,743 --> 00:43:35,405
It's so boring around here,
I've actually had a lot of it.
1072
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:37,914
I've even gone
to a lot of trouble
1073
00:43:37,982 --> 00:43:39,813
just to try and keep
the sex interesting,
1074
00:43:39,917 --> 00:43:41,578
you know, just to compensate
1075
00:43:41,652 --> 00:43:43,244
for the quality
of life around here,
1076
00:43:43,321 --> 00:43:44,481
which is so boring
1077
00:43:44,589 --> 00:43:48,582
that I keep myself busy
by having sex.
1078
00:43:48,659 --> 00:43:50,217
And, well, you're paying,
1079
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:54,060
so that makes it the best
offer that I've had today.
1080
00:43:55,299 --> 00:43:57,392
And then there's also the unknown.
1081
00:43:57,468 --> 00:44:01,268
So... yeah.
1082
00:44:01,339 --> 00:44:03,466
Count me in.
1083
00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:11,005
So we're off and running.
1084
00:44:11,115 --> 00:44:13,310
Good ol' Moe-Ron
really came through for us.
1085
00:44:13,417 --> 00:44:14,748
They got us... are you ready?
1086
00:44:14,819 --> 00:44:16,286
Three black guys, no problem.
1087
00:44:16,354 --> 00:44:18,845
How about that?
Yeah, I said three.
1088
00:44:18,956 --> 00:44:20,924
I've seen as many as a busload
1089
00:44:20,992 --> 00:44:24,120
in these "big black guys
with a little white girl" scenes,
1090
00:44:24,195 --> 00:44:25,992
but, you know, three is...
is respectable.
1091
00:44:26,097 --> 00:44:27,962
They live here in Butterface Fields.
1092
00:44:28,032 --> 00:44:30,967
Moe-Ron, they work
with them at the factory.
1093
00:44:31,035 --> 00:44:32,127
Now smile.
1094
00:44:32,203 --> 00:44:33,602
I went down to the factory.
1095
00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:35,138
Gave them the whole story.
1096
00:44:35,206 --> 00:44:36,605
They couldn't have been more game.
1097
00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:37,868
Thought it sounded like fun.
1098
00:44:37,975 --> 00:44:39,943
So anyway, here we are.
1099
00:44:40,011 --> 00:44:41,273
They're nice fellas.
1100
00:44:43,214 --> 00:44:45,341
Uh, oh, you're wondering
1101
00:44:45,449 --> 00:44:47,974
how we got to film
at the Softy Freeze?
1102
00:44:48,052 --> 00:44:49,212
This is Roy, the manager.
1103
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:50,685
He gets to stay and watch.
1104
00:44:50,788 --> 00:44:52,346
He even threw in free snacks.
1105
00:44:52,456 --> 00:44:54,651
We're pretty good filmmakers, huh?
1106
00:44:54,725 --> 00:44:56,955
We had already gotten
a couple of normal scenes,
1107
00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:59,019
and we're about ready
to do our first, uh...
1108
00:44:59,130 --> 00:45:00,529
Sex scene 1, take 1.
1109
00:45:00,631 --> 00:45:02,223
Sex scene.
1110
00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:03,777
If I could have everyone?
S attention, please?
1111
00:45:03,801 --> 00:45:05,029
Quiet on the set!
1112
00:45:07,138 --> 00:45:09,538
One voice, please!
1113
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,471
- Thank you.
- No, I got to go.
1114
00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:12,907
We're about to shoot the porno.
1115
00:45:13,010 --> 00:45:14,068
Cool.
1116
00:45:14,178 --> 00:45:15,907
Thank you.
1117
00:45:16,013 --> 00:45:18,675
We're almost ready
for our first take.
1118
00:45:18,749 --> 00:45:22,185
I'm going to speak
with my actors now.
1119
00:45:22,253 --> 00:45:23,481
Hello, actors.
1120
00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:24,554
- Hey.
- Hey.
1121
00:45:24,655 --> 00:45:28,022
Charlene, you're
a Softy Freeze employee.
1122
00:45:28,092 --> 00:45:31,255
All I need from you
is to just be yourself.
1123
00:45:31,362 --> 00:45:33,660
And on this night,
you're working late.
1124
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:35,164
These guys are the cleanup crew.
1125
00:45:35,233 --> 00:45:37,667
There's no one here
but you and them.
1126
00:45:37,735 --> 00:45:39,396
Now, we're picking up
the scene
1127
00:45:39,503 --> 00:45:41,164
after you've seduced them
1128
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:44,697
by bending over
and picking things up off the floor
1129
00:45:44,775 --> 00:45:48,040
in your short little Softy Freeze skirt.
1130
00:45:48,112 --> 00:45:50,876
We've established that sex
is going to be had.
1131
00:45:50,948 --> 00:45:53,849
We're going to lose
the towels and robes,
1132
00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:56,910
and on "action", you three guys
1133
00:45:57,021 --> 00:45:59,615
are going to ravage
the hell out of Charlene
1134
00:45:59,724 --> 00:46:01,351
on the Softy Freeze counter.
1135
00:46:01,425 --> 00:46:04,519
As we discussed,
let's really go to town here.
1136
00:46:04,595 --> 00:46:06,460
It's a big night for you guys.
1137
00:46:06,564 --> 00:46:08,361
Normally it's just moppin",
1138
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:10,593
but tonight it's boffin'.
1139
00:46:10,701 --> 00:46:11,963
Art imitating life here?
1140
00:46:12,069 --> 00:46:13,400
No acting required, all right?
1141
00:46:13,471 --> 00:46:14,733
- Excuse me.
- Thanks.
1142
00:46:14,805 --> 00:46:16,272
Are there any questions?
1143
00:46:16,374 --> 00:46:18,535
Okay, let's lose
the robe and towels.
1144
00:46:18,609 --> 00:46:19,974
Excuse me, Some,
1145
00:46:20,077 --> 00:46:23,376
maybe we should give
them a little privacy.
1146
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:24,471
What?
1147
00:46:24,582 --> 00:46:26,379
Well...
1148
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:28,543
And, we're going to
end up seeing it anyway.
1149
00:46:28,619 --> 00:46:29,779
We're filming it.
1150
00:46:29,887 --> 00:46:32,447
But that... that's kind of different,
1151
00:46:32,556 --> 00:46:33,716
you know, removed.
1152
00:46:33,791 --> 00:46:36,055
We're standing here.
It doesn't seem right.
1153
00:46:36,127 --> 00:46:37,389
I agree with Andy.
1154
00:46:37,461 --> 00:46:38,739
Seems right to me.
Why do this, then?
1155
00:46:38,763 --> 00:46:40,424
How do we make a film
without looking?
1156
00:46:40,498 --> 00:46:42,557
Let's just do
the best we can, hmm?
1157
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:43,793
Okay.
1158
00:46:43,901 --> 00:46:44,925
Okay.
1159
00:46:45,002 --> 00:46:46,230
Everybody turn around.
1160
00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:49,970
So let's lose
the robe and towels.
1161
00:46:51,842 --> 00:46:52,968
Whoa.
1162
00:46:53,077 --> 00:46:54,567
Are they off?
1163
00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:55,805
Action.
1164
00:46:55,913 --> 00:46:57,938
Uh, uh, uh, eh, Some,
1165
00:46:58,015 --> 00:46:59,949
you better have a look at this.
1166
00:47:01,018 --> 00:47:02,451
Oh!
1167
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:04,420
Cut. Cut.
1168
00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:08,257
Those are your penises?
1169
00:47:08,326 --> 00:47:09,953
Mm-hmm.
1170
00:47:11,128 --> 00:47:12,425
Andy, I can't work with these.
1171
00:47:12,496 --> 00:47:14,293
Guys...
1172
00:47:14,365 --> 00:47:17,163
Did all your parents work
in the same nuclear plant or something?
1173
00:47:17,268 --> 00:47:19,793
All right, let's...
let's take a break.
1174
00:47:19,870 --> 00:47:21,861
Uh, fellas.
1175
00:47:21,972 --> 00:47:24,031
This is bullshit.
1176
00:47:24,141 --> 00:47:25,686
Oh, I don't know.
There's something wrong
1177
00:47:25,710 --> 00:47:27,701
with the black guys"
penises or something.
1178
00:47:27,812 --> 00:47:32,977
This is the "young little white girl
with the big black guys" scene.
1179
00:47:33,050 --> 00:47:38,010
None of you are bouncers.
Two of you aren't over 5 "6".
1180
00:47:38,122 --> 00:47:41,148
What did you think
I meant by "big"?
1181
00:47:41,225 --> 00:47:43,284
Lesson number 1
1182
00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:44,794
when making a film.?
1183
00:47:44,862 --> 00:47:47,660
No one gets a part
without dropping their pants.
1184
00:47:47,732 --> 00:47:49,359
Ah, you live and you learn.
1185
00:47:49,467 --> 00:47:50,729
This... This was bad.
1186
00:47:50,835 --> 00:47:52,462
We lost Charlene.
1187
00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,367
Her family had a vacation
to Florida booked.
1188
00:47:54,472 --> 00:47:55,962
Her grandma's down there.
1189
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,133
All we had was Ellie
from the bed store,
1190
00:47:58,209 --> 00:47:59,642
and with only one actress,
1191
00:47:59,710 --> 00:48:01,701
it was going to be very hard
1192
00:48:01,812 --> 00:48:04,144
to come up with enough sex
for a full-length film.
1193
00:48:04,215 --> 00:48:05,842
And then there's the guys, you know?
1194
00:48:05,916 --> 00:48:07,884
We had no guys.
1195
00:48:07,985 --> 00:48:10,476
Important meeting. Okay.
1196
00:48:10,554 --> 00:48:12,249
So we definitely didn't want to waste
1197
00:48:12,356 --> 00:48:13,846
the momentum we had going here.
1198
00:48:13,924 --> 00:48:15,824
Brainstorming time.
1199
00:48:15,893 --> 00:48:18,191
Here's what came out of the meeting.
1200
00:48:18,262 --> 00:48:21,197
We decided that we would
each go our own separate ways
1201
00:48:21,265 --> 00:48:24,564
and come back
with actresses for our film.
1202
00:48:24,668 --> 00:48:25,828
Divide and conquer.
1203
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:27,336
It was up to the individual
1204
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:28,838
to forge his own path
1205
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:33,070
and design a way
we'd emerge victorious.
1206
00:48:33,177 --> 00:48:35,236
Moose had an interesting idea.
1207
00:48:35,346 --> 00:48:38,406
Girls, please.
1208
00:48:38,516 --> 00:48:40,609
Girls.
1209
00:48:42,052 --> 00:48:44,520
I have a very exciting opportunity
1210
00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:48,581
that I'm very happy to be able
to offer you today.
1211
00:48:48,692 --> 00:48:50,557
Peggy was in Playboy,
1212
00:48:50,628 --> 00:48:52,220
like, uh, 15 years ago.
1213
00:48:52,309 --> 00:48:54,300
It was just one little picture
1214
00:48:54,411 --> 00:48:56,276
in the "Girls of Figure Skating" issue.
1215
00:48:56,380 --> 00:48:58,371
Peggy wasn't a figure skater,
1216
00:48:58,449 --> 00:49:00,440
but, uh, you know,
had a nice figure
1217
00:49:00,551 --> 00:49:01,882
and was in charge
1218
00:49:01,952 --> 00:49:03,783
of the rental skates
at the rink,
1219
00:49:03,887 --> 00:49:06,082
so good enough as far
as Playboy was concerned.
1220
00:49:06,156 --> 00:49:07,748
Uh, the plus side.
1221
00:49:07,825 --> 00:49:10,453
She worked before
with her clothes off.
1222
00:49:10,561 --> 00:49:12,893
We all agreed
Some should take this time
1223
00:49:12,963 --> 00:49:14,453
to rewrite the script.
1224
00:49:14,565 --> 00:49:18,228
Ma! I'm hungry, please!
1225
00:49:21,071 --> 00:49:24,165
Barney had other plans for the day.
1226
00:49:24,274 --> 00:49:26,139
Most of their lives
they've known each other.
1227
00:49:26,243 --> 00:49:27,972
Barn's never stopped trying.
1228
00:49:28,078 --> 00:49:29,238
You are such a jerk.
1229
00:49:29,313 --> 00:49:30,953
You think this outfit
makes me look cheap?
1230
00:49:31,014 --> 00:49:32,447
Don't you own a mirror?
1231
00:49:32,516 --> 00:49:34,507
- I'm serious.
- Me, too.
1232
00:49:35,586 --> 00:49:36,746
Look, Helen,
1233
00:49:36,820 --> 00:49:38,481
I happen to have
the solution for you.
1234
00:49:38,589 --> 00:49:39,954
Now, this is excellent advice.
1235
00:49:40,023 --> 00:49:42,116
I've always kind of dabbled
in PR, and this...
1236
00:49:42,192 --> 00:49:45,127
Barney, you are nothing but
a lousy refrigerator repairman.
1237
00:49:45,195 --> 00:49:47,527
I'm acquainted
with my own profession.
1238
00:49:47,631 --> 00:49:51,294
But just listen to this
campaign I've put together
1239
00:49:51,368 --> 00:49:52,995
to improve your image.
1240
00:49:53,103 --> 00:49:55,594
Right now, the way
you present yourself,
1241
00:49:55,672 --> 00:49:57,936
you've taken away
all the many aspects
1242
00:49:58,008 --> 00:50:00,374
that comprise a human being
as their right of birth,
1243
00:50:00,477 --> 00:50:03,605
and you've reduced yourself
to only one aspect:
1244
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,341
Babaloos.
1245
00:50:06,817 --> 00:50:09,308
Now, me'I'm just a guy.
1246
00:50:09,386 --> 00:50:11,320
A poor schnook, a repairman.
1247
00:50:11,388 --> 00:50:13,185
Yeah, of nothing
but refrigerators.
1248
00:50:13,290 --> 00:50:16,020
Otis had an interesting idea as well.
1249
00:50:16,126 --> 00:50:19,459
We're a stew of quite
a m'lange of flavors,
1250
00:50:19,530 --> 00:50:21,862
uh, wouldn't you say?
1251
00:50:21,965 --> 00:50:24,798
"M'lange" means "mixture",
by the way.
1252
00:50:24,868 --> 00:50:26,802
Uh, I should have just said "mixture".
1253
00:50:26,870 --> 00:50:29,304
Getting a little carried away here.
Sorry.
1254
00:50:33,210 --> 00:50:35,735
Hiya.
1255
00:50:35,846 --> 00:50:37,643
Well, hi to you, honey.
1256
00:50:37,714 --> 00:50:39,875
I used to choke
my Chattanooga choo-choo
1257
00:50:39,983 --> 00:50:41,848
to you at least once a day.
1258
00:50:41,919 --> 00:50:43,250
Some days not just twice.
1259
00:50:43,353 --> 00:50:45,719
Oh, a sweet talker, huh?
1260
00:50:45,822 --> 00:50:47,187
You babysitted me.
1261
00:50:47,257 --> 00:50:48,849
You were a friend
of my sister's.
1262
00:50:48,926 --> 00:50:49,984
You're Vera Bracey.
1263
00:50:50,060 --> 00:50:52,028
You're little Otis?
1264
00:50:52,095 --> 00:50:53,221
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1265
00:50:53,330 --> 00:50:55,389
You were so cute!
1266
00:51:06,376 --> 00:51:07,843
Oh, hey, Andy.
1267
00:51:09,112 --> 00:51:10,841
What can I do for you?
1268
00:51:10,914 --> 00:51:15,351
Oh, uh... aspirin,
I'll take some of that aspirin.
1269
00:51:15,419 --> 00:51:16,681
Okay.
1270
00:51:17,921 --> 00:51:20,617
Here you go.
Got a headache?
1271
00:51:20,724 --> 00:51:23,215
Oh, no, no. I'm fine.
1272
00:51:23,293 --> 00:51:25,784
Uh, I knew you sell it here.
1273
00:51:27,064 --> 00:51:28,759
I'm out at home.
1274
00:51:28,865 --> 00:51:30,457
You got something on your mind?
1275
00:51:30,567 --> 00:51:32,865
My mind'No, no. Why?
1276
00:51:32,936 --> 00:51:34,816
"Cause most people
don't stop by the ball field
1277
00:51:34,871 --> 00:51:36,429
to pick up their aspirin.
1278
00:51:38,108 --> 00:51:44,047
Life is about new experiences.
1279
00:51:44,114 --> 00:51:46,207
And you got a peach of a pair,
by the way.
1280
00:51:46,283 --> 00:51:47,648
I'm not knocking your knockers.
1281
00:51:47,751 --> 00:51:49,582
And I know you're more
than just babaloos.
1282
00:51:49,653 --> 00:51:52,622
But how do we get
everyone else to know that?
1283
00:51:52,723 --> 00:51:53,985
Here's how that could happen.
1284
00:51:54,091 --> 00:51:56,719
Here's how that would happen.
1285
00:52:01,098 --> 00:52:02,759
You start doing me.
1286
00:52:02,833 --> 00:52:04,232
Oh...
1287
00:52:04,301 --> 00:52:05,825
This is excellent advice.
1288
00:52:05,936 --> 00:52:07,233
You'd want to see me
1289
00:52:07,304 --> 00:52:09,295
bent over the sofa
taking it up the a...
1290
00:52:11,475 --> 00:52:14,444
So, Peggy, a funny thing,
1291
00:52:14,511 --> 00:52:17,674
but, uh, I was, uh,
getting my hair cut
1292
00:52:17,781 --> 00:52:19,840
the other day
at the barber shop.
1293
00:52:19,950 --> 00:52:22,111
I was waiting my turn
1294
00:52:22,185 --> 00:52:23,345
and, uh, browsing
1295
00:52:23,453 --> 00:52:25,444
the magazines they offer there,
1296
00:52:25,522 --> 00:52:27,854
and, well, they offer
quite a few,
1297
00:52:27,958 --> 00:52:29,926
uh, and they happened
to have Playboy there.
1298
00:52:29,993 --> 00:52:32,985
You know, it's a barber shop.
A lot of men come there,
1299
00:52:33,096 --> 00:52:34,461
so I guess they figure
1300
00:52:34,531 --> 00:52:36,658
that men might like
to glance at the Playboy
1301
00:52:36,767 --> 00:52:38,277
- while waiting to have their hair cut.
- Right.
1302
00:52:38,301 --> 00:52:39,791
And I was reminded
1303
00:52:39,870 --> 00:52:43,670
that, uh, you were once
in Playboy.
1304
00:52:43,774 --> 00:52:46,971
Believe I heard...
heard that somewhere.
1305
00:52:47,044 --> 00:52:50,502
And I was, you know,
just wondering, uh...
1306
00:52:50,614 --> 00:52:53,276
what was that like?
1307
00:52:53,350 --> 00:52:54,840
Don't stop me
1308
00:52:54,951 --> 00:52:56,043
So nice to see you.
1309
00:52:56,153 --> 00:52:57,381
Don't stop me
1310
00:52:57,487 --> 00:52:59,216
About time they got rid
of shaking hands.
1311
00:52:59,322 --> 00:53:00,482
Do you mind?
1312
00:53:00,557 --> 00:53:02,286
Do I mind if you rub my dick?
1313
00:53:02,359 --> 00:53:03,383
Yeah.
1314
00:53:03,493 --> 00:53:04,824
No, it saves me the trouble.
1315
00:53:04,895 --> 00:53:06,726
I'm trying to think
of the last time
1316
00:53:06,830 --> 00:53:08,627
I was asked a question
that stupid.
1317
00:53:08,699 --> 00:53:10,064
Girls, please!
1318
00:53:10,167 --> 00:53:11,828
Look, we won't mention it again!
1319
00:53:11,902 --> 00:53:13,164
Forget I brought it up!
1320
00:53:13,236 --> 00:53:14,567
- Go away!
- What porno?
1321
00:53:14,671 --> 00:53:17,231
Floyd, could I please
get another cherry soda?
1322
00:53:17,340 --> 00:53:19,240
Then they find out
we are doing it,
1323
00:53:19,342 --> 00:53:20,900
and it changes everything.
1324
00:53:21,011 --> 00:53:24,208
They realize you're not
some "dime a dozen" bimbo.
1325
00:53:24,314 --> 00:53:26,646
If you were,
you wouldn't be with me.
1326
00:53:26,717 --> 00:53:30,016
You must be a person of great worth.
1327
00:53:30,087 --> 00:53:33,250
Now, all we got to do
to make this happen is,
1328
00:53:33,356 --> 00:53:36,848
I move in to your place,
1329
00:53:36,927 --> 00:53:38,895
and we start
having sex all the time.
1330
00:53:40,230 --> 00:53:41,993
Constant sex is important.
1331
00:53:42,065 --> 00:53:45,057
Then, who knows?
1332
00:53:49,406 --> 00:53:54,275
It was years before anybody
looked at me the same.
1333
00:53:54,377 --> 00:53:56,277
I think, you know, they thought
1334
00:53:56,379 --> 00:53:58,040
I was some wild thing
1335
00:53:58,115 --> 00:54:00,242
who loved to
take her clothes off
1336
00:54:00,350 --> 00:54:02,113
instead of just some struggling
1337
00:54:02,219 --> 00:54:04,949
young woman who had been
held up at gunpoint that month
1338
00:54:05,055 --> 00:54:08,513
and couldn't pay her rent.
1339
00:54:08,592 --> 00:54:12,858
Well, luckily, then, that was,
you know, a long time ago,
1340
00:54:12,929 --> 00:54:14,453
a distant memory,
and you certainly
1341
00:54:14,564 --> 00:54:16,964
won't ever have to do
anything like that again.
1342
00:54:19,703 --> 00:54:23,036
You certainly have
a great-looking kid.
1343
00:54:23,106 --> 00:54:25,768
Yeah.
1344
00:54:27,377 --> 00:54:29,242
Okay.
1345
00:54:30,580 --> 00:54:33,447
Andy?
1346
00:54:33,550 --> 00:54:36,383
If you're looking for a way
to ask me out,
1347
00:54:36,453 --> 00:54:38,819
you don't have to work
so hard.
1348
00:54:38,922 --> 00:54:41,390
- Oh, no?
- No.
1349
00:54:44,728 --> 00:54:46,286
When?
1350
00:54:46,396 --> 00:54:49,160
Clearly, I lacked the necessary tools
1351
00:54:49,266 --> 00:54:51,257
to be a successful pornographer.
1352
00:54:52,569 --> 00:54:55,333
I'm sorry, I let you all down.
1353
00:54:55,438 --> 00:54:56,905
No, you didn't, Andy.
1354
00:54:56,973 --> 00:54:58,133
Well...
1355
00:54:58,241 --> 00:54:59,441
No, you tried your best, Andy.
1356
00:54:59,509 --> 00:55:00,771
We all did.
1357
00:55:00,844 --> 00:55:03,244
Just a bad day for all of us.
1358
00:55:03,313 --> 00:55:05,474
An especially bad day
for my hair.
1359
00:55:10,420 --> 00:55:12,581
Fellas, V.
V, fellas.
1360
00:55:12,656 --> 00:55:14,487
She's ready to porno.
1361
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:18,320
To V!
1362
00:55:18,428 --> 00:55:19,520
V!
1363
00:55:19,629 --> 00:55:21,028
Here's to V.
1364
00:55:21,131 --> 00:55:24,589
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
1365
00:55:25,302 --> 00:55:28,100
Okay, remember Homer
and the other black guys
1366
00:55:28,171 --> 00:55:30,011
who were supposed to be
in that "big black guys
1367
00:55:30,106 --> 00:55:31,937
with the little white girl "scene?
1368
00:55:32,008 --> 00:55:33,942
Well, none of them,
1369
00:55:34,010 --> 00:55:36,035
or Charlene got the other half
of their money,
1370
00:55:36,146 --> 00:55:38,842
because they ended up
not doing the job.
1371
00:55:38,949 --> 00:55:41,281
Well, Homer and his friends have decided
1372
00:55:41,351 --> 00:55:43,114
that they're owed the other half.
1373
00:55:43,186 --> 00:55:45,017
They feel real strongly about it.
1374
00:55:45,121 --> 00:55:46,850
So I get a call from Homer.
1375
00:55:46,957 --> 00:55:49,790
He wants to talk this over
man-to-man here at Meyer's.
1376
00:55:49,860 --> 00:55:52,351
We feel we're owed the money,
1377
00:55:52,462 --> 00:55:54,862
if for nothing else,
because of the way you treated us.
1378
00:55:54,965 --> 00:55:56,899
Things, well...
1379
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,661
they may have gotten
a little out of hand.
1380
00:55:58,735 --> 00:56:01,670
We weren't as kind
as we should have been,
1381
00:56:01,738 --> 00:56:03,831
and so I apologize.
1382
00:56:03,907 --> 00:56:05,807
I'd be happy to get
the other guys, too, Homer,
1383
00:56:05,876 --> 00:56:11,314
but what I don't think
you realize is...
1384
00:56:11,381 --> 00:56:13,849
we got nothing for the 3,000
we already gave you.
1385
00:56:13,917 --> 00:56:17,148
Now you want us to give you
another three for more nothing,
1386
00:56:17,220 --> 00:56:18,915
plus Charlene's thou?
1387
00:56:19,022 --> 00:56:21,467
You know, that's a third of our budget
flushed down the toilet.
1388
00:56:21,491 --> 00:56:23,755
Well, that's not
our problem, is it?
1389
00:56:23,860 --> 00:56:26,260
No. No, that's our problem,
1390
00:56:26,363 --> 00:56:28,763
and that's why
we can't do as you ask.
1391
00:56:28,865 --> 00:56:30,856
You said 2,000 a man.
1392
00:56:30,934 --> 00:56:32,697
Yeah, half for showing up,
1393
00:56:32,769 --> 00:56:36,603
half for doing the job.
1394
00:56:36,706 --> 00:56:38,697
But you didn't give us
a chance to do the job.
1395
00:56:38,775 --> 00:56:41,107
No, you couldn't do the job.
1396
00:56:41,211 --> 00:56:44,510
You know, the job was to...
1397
00:56:44,581 --> 00:56:48,677
you know, have sex
with Charlene utilizing a...
1398
00:56:48,752 --> 00:56:51,516
let's call it proper porno penis.
1399
00:56:51,588 --> 00:56:55,183
And, Homer, I was real clear
with you guys
1400
00:56:55,258 --> 00:56:56,578
when I went over the deal with...
1401
00:56:56,626 --> 00:56:58,958
You just assumed
we had big dicks.
1402
00:56:59,062 --> 00:57:00,586
That's right.
1403
00:57:00,697 --> 00:57:01,959
Because we're black.
1404
00:57:02,065 --> 00:57:03,794
What do we know about penis?
1405
00:57:03,900 --> 00:57:06,733
That, coupled with the fact
that you never told us
1406
00:57:06,803 --> 00:57:09,271
you had improper porno penises,
1407
00:57:09,372 --> 00:57:11,117
- when we told what we needed...
- No, no, no.
1408
00:57:11,141 --> 00:57:13,803
What you wanted to do
was to humiliate us.
1409
00:57:13,910 --> 00:57:16,811
We went to all that trouble to
humiliate you'Spent all of that money?
1410
00:57:16,913 --> 00:57:20,371
Homer, I'm in big trouble
without that scene.
1411
00:57:20,450 --> 00:57:22,611
I have never in my life had any extra
1412
00:57:22,719 --> 00:57:24,380
to spend on humiliating people.
1413
00:57:24,454 --> 00:57:26,820
Are the white guys who do
your movie getting humiliated?
1414
00:57:26,923 --> 00:57:28,652
What does that mean?
1415
00:57:28,758 --> 00:57:30,123
A funny penis is a funny penis,
1416
00:57:30,226 --> 00:57:32,456
regardless of race, creed, or religion.
1417
00:57:32,562 --> 00:57:34,427
Then why did it have
to be black guys?
1418
00:57:34,497 --> 00:57:38,160
It was a "black guys
with a white girl" scene.
1419
00:57:38,268 --> 00:57:40,998
Could I have another
hunk of pie, please?
1420
00:57:41,104 --> 00:57:42,381
You know, this is my first porno.
1421
00:57:42,405 --> 00:57:43,565
I'm not a pornographer,
1422
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:45,232
I'm just a schnook
looking to score.
1423
00:57:45,308 --> 00:57:47,348
I'm not a president
of the film board who's decreed
1424
00:57:47,410 --> 00:57:49,655
that every porno's got to have
some tiny little white girl
1425
00:57:49,679 --> 00:57:51,340
experiencing whopping
black baloney.
1426
00:57:51,448 --> 00:57:54,144
But why do I have to make
the omelet with eggs?
1427
00:57:54,250 --> 00:57:56,514
You know, what do we know?
1428
00:57:56,619 --> 00:57:58,348
We're trying to make a porno.
1429
00:57:58,455 --> 00:58:01,356
You're trying to turn this
into a black thing.
1430
00:58:01,458 --> 00:58:02,482
Why are you doing that?
1431
00:58:02,592 --> 00:58:03,786
Well, isn't it?
1432
00:58:03,860 --> 00:58:05,487
Homer, I'm never...
1433
00:58:05,595 --> 00:58:10,532
l... I don't have time
to be a racist.
1434
00:58:10,633 --> 00:58:13,966
I don't do, okay'I try.
1435
00:58:14,037 --> 00:58:16,801
And I'm trying to make a porno,
1436
00:58:16,873 --> 00:58:19,433
because it's something
I think I might be able to do,
1437
00:58:19,509 --> 00:58:21,977
because it's killing me
I haven't done anything.
1438
00:58:22,045 --> 00:58:24,536
You know, people who do,
they have extra time,
1439
00:58:24,647 --> 00:58:26,308
not us trying people.
1440
00:58:26,383 --> 00:58:28,112
We're busy trying all the time.
1441
00:58:28,184 --> 00:58:29,776
Nothing takes up more time than trying.
1442
00:58:29,853 --> 00:58:32,720
- We wanted to try.
- Yeah, but you couldn't do!
1443
00:58:32,822 --> 00:58:35,518
Not without porno penis!
1444
00:58:35,625 --> 00:58:37,786
Do you think,
if I could do anything,
1445
00:58:37,861 --> 00:58:40,523
I would pick, "make a porno"?
1446
00:58:40,630 --> 00:58:42,791
I can't afford the goddamn good ball!
1447
00:58:42,866 --> 00:58:44,128
Look, you hired three black men
1448
00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:46,862
to do a job that you had to have
three black men for.
1449
00:58:46,970 --> 00:58:49,234
But you didn't pay them in full,
1450
00:58:49,339 --> 00:58:51,979
and you are sitting here
saying to me that it isn't a black thing.
1451
00:58:52,008 --> 00:58:53,339
Black penis thing!
1452
00:58:53,410 --> 00:58:55,640
Black penis!
Black penis!
1453
00:58:55,712 --> 00:58:57,390
Then why does it
have to be three black men?
1454
00:58:57,414 --> 00:59:00,144
Because they are the ones
with the black penises.
1455
00:59:00,216 --> 00:59:01,240
Fuck you.
1456
00:59:01,351 --> 00:59:02,978
Come on.
1457
00:59:03,053 --> 00:59:05,044
All right, I admit it.
1458
00:59:05,155 --> 00:59:07,817
We're prejudiced
against small penises
1459
00:59:38,421 --> 00:59:40,787
I will not do it.
1460
00:59:40,890 --> 00:59:43,757
Give me a sec, would you?
1461
00:59:49,032 --> 00:59:50,556
Helen?
1462
00:59:50,633 --> 00:59:52,567
Oh, hey, how ya doin", Barney?
1463
00:59:52,635 --> 00:59:53,795
You're crying.
1464
00:59:53,903 --> 00:59:55,063
I am not.
1465
00:59:55,138 --> 00:59:56,867
Yes, you are.
Why are you crying?
1466
00:59:56,940 --> 00:59:58,567
I am not crying.
1467
00:59:58,641 --> 01:00:00,370
Helen, not again.
1468
01:00:00,443 --> 01:00:03,037
God. Leave me alone, Barney.
1469
01:00:03,113 --> 01:00:07,709
Helen, every week you
find some terrific new guy
1470
01:00:07,784 --> 01:00:10,252
to let crap all over you.
1471
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,949
There's a lot of guys that
need to take a crap, Helen.
1472
01:00:14,057 --> 01:00:17,493
Why don't you have a little
more respect for yourself?
1473
01:00:17,594 --> 01:00:20,154
You might as well do our porno.
1474
01:00:20,263 --> 01:00:23,426
We're paying, and it beats
the choices you've been making.
1475
01:00:23,500 --> 01:00:25,627
Yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
1476
01:00:25,735 --> 01:00:28,932
What'No.
1477
01:00:29,005 --> 01:00:33,567
I may as well because
I... I need the money.
1478
01:00:35,612 --> 01:00:37,512
Maybe I ought to.
1479
01:00:54,664 --> 01:00:56,757
Yes!
1480
01:00:59,936 --> 01:01:01,961
Emmett!
1481
01:01:02,972 --> 01:01:04,872
Emmett!
1482
01:01:04,974 --> 01:01:06,839
Get your camera!
Let's go!
1483
01:01:06,943 --> 01:01:09,173
I said no.
1484
01:01:13,149 --> 01:01:15,049
Come on. Come on. Come on.
1485
01:01:17,987 --> 01:01:20,319
You know, I wish I had
more for you to...
1486
01:01:20,390 --> 01:01:21,823
I don't care.
1487
01:01:21,891 --> 01:01:24,519
It's just that
you're my kid,
1488
01:01:24,627 --> 01:01:26,822
so I care about
all kinds of nutty stuff.
1489
01:01:26,896 --> 01:01:28,625
It's a pain in the ass.
1490
01:01:28,698 --> 01:01:30,563
So, I was with Billy,
1491
01:01:30,667 --> 01:01:32,635
and I found out later
what Helen did.
1492
01:01:32,702 --> 01:01:34,966
Ma, you need anything, holler.
1493
01:01:35,038 --> 01:01:36,801
This being spur of the moment and all,
1494
01:01:36,873 --> 01:01:39,205
Some didn't want to give Hel
a chance to change her mind,
1495
01:01:39,309 --> 01:01:41,072
so he made the executive decision
1496
01:01:41,177 --> 01:01:45,375
to have Hel do the "gal masturbating
with toys" scene.
1497
01:01:59,829 --> 01:02:05,699
There's something
that I want to say
1498
01:02:05,768 --> 01:02:09,898
But words sometimes
get in the way
1499
01:02:10,006 --> 01:02:11,405
I just want to...
1500
01:02:11,507 --> 01:02:13,065
Eventually, we all realized
1501
01:02:13,176 --> 01:02:17,078
that this was going to have to be
a work in progress.
1502
01:02:17,180 --> 01:02:20,081
What we had here was a film concept.
1503
01:02:20,183 --> 01:02:22,174
Here's what it is.
1504
01:02:22,252 --> 01:02:24,686
We're in a small town...
1505
01:02:24,754 --> 01:02:26,881
Let me get this right, now.
1506
01:02:26,956 --> 01:02:31,757
The film, it's seen through
the eyes of our lead character,
1507
01:02:31,861 --> 01:02:34,022
but we never see our lead character, see?
1508
01:02:34,097 --> 01:02:36,463
This guy who lives in this small town,
1509
01:02:36,566 --> 01:02:41,367
he goes through his day
and he bumps into a lot of sex.
1510
01:02:45,208 --> 01:02:47,108
Here, the guy stops by
to visit his friend,
1511
01:02:47,210 --> 01:02:49,269
played by Helen.
1512
01:02:49,379 --> 01:02:51,711
He peers through the window,
1513
01:02:51,781 --> 01:02:54,443
and catches her, uh, playing.
1514
01:03:00,390 --> 01:03:01,618
We didn't make this porno
1515
01:03:01,724 --> 01:03:03,658
to turn our friends into porn stars.
1516
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:05,921
That was never the idea.
I wasn't happy about this.
1517
01:03:05,995 --> 01:03:07,895
Some was under strict instructions
1518
01:03:07,964 --> 01:03:10,057
never to operate alone.
1519
01:03:10,133 --> 01:03:12,897
Uh, we needed
that scene, though,
1520
01:03:12,969 --> 01:03:16,302
and, well, now we had it.
1521
01:03:16,406 --> 01:03:19,898
Our porno film had sex in it.
1522
01:03:22,178 --> 01:03:25,147
For almost a day.
1523
01:03:25,248 --> 01:03:27,079
Then when Some told me about it,
1524
01:03:27,150 --> 01:03:28,470
the first thing I did, of course,
1525
01:03:28,518 --> 01:03:30,349
was to call Barney
to see if he knew.
1526
01:03:30,453 --> 01:03:33,354
He told me he did
and that he didn't care,
1527
01:03:33,456 --> 01:03:35,447
Helen's business
is Helen's business.
1528
01:03:36,693 --> 01:03:38,092
Yeah.
1529
01:03:39,996 --> 01:03:41,020
Hey.
1530
01:03:41,130 --> 01:03:43,189
You all right?
1531
01:03:43,299 --> 01:03:47,429
Yeah. But, uh...
1532
01:03:47,503 --> 01:03:51,633
I gotta have
the film of Helen, Andy.
1533
01:03:51,708 --> 01:03:53,266
I'm sorry, I really am.
1534
01:03:53,343 --> 01:03:56,540
I know we need it,
but... I love her.
1535
01:03:56,646 --> 01:03:59,945
So, uh, whatever you paid her,
1536
01:04:00,016 --> 01:04:02,041
you can take it out of my end,
1537
01:04:02,151 --> 01:04:04,619
if there is a "my end".
1538
01:04:04,687 --> 01:04:06,518
And if I need to owe you,
I'll owe you.
1539
01:04:21,237 --> 01:04:22,237
Barney.
1540
01:04:34,384 --> 01:04:37,820
Thanks.
I'LL see you tomorrow.
1541
01:04:39,589 --> 01:04:42,217
I was starting to doubt
if we were any good filmmakers.
1542
01:04:42,325 --> 01:04:45,852
We'd spent over half our budget
and had nothing to show for it.
1543
01:04:45,928 --> 01:04:48,419
But, still, I believed in us,
1544
01:04:48,531 --> 01:04:50,431
and I had this feeling
that we could do this.
1545
01:04:50,533 --> 01:04:52,763
It was just time to get angry,
try harder.
1546
01:04:52,869 --> 01:04:54,928
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
1547
01:04:55,037 --> 01:04:56,834
Had to drive this baby home.
1548
01:04:56,906 --> 01:05:00,501
Okay, we wanted to use not only Ellie
from the bed store,
1549
01:05:00,576 --> 01:05:03,568
but the bed store itself in the porno.
1550
01:05:03,679 --> 01:05:05,772
We wanted Ellie to do a lesbo scene,
1551
01:05:05,882 --> 01:05:07,543
and we were hoping
that she could supply
1552
01:05:07,617 --> 01:05:09,209
a partner to do it with.
1553
01:05:09,285 --> 01:05:11,515
There was always V,
but we were using her
1554
01:05:11,587 --> 01:05:12,781
for a number of other things.
1555
01:05:12,889 --> 01:05:14,550
Anyway, it was up to me,
1556
01:05:14,624 --> 01:05:16,558
and that's the only way
I'd have it this time.
1557
01:05:16,626 --> 01:05:18,423
This time, I wanted to go in,
1558
01:05:18,528 --> 01:05:20,928
and there was only one way
I was coming out.?
1559
01:05:21,030 --> 01:05:22,054
Victorious.
1560
01:05:22,131 --> 01:05:23,564
May I help you?
1561
01:05:23,633 --> 01:05:25,726
Oh, I'm Andy Sargentee.
1562
01:05:25,802 --> 01:05:27,633
We haven't met yet.
1563
01:05:27,737 --> 01:05:29,102
I'm the producer on the film
1564
01:05:29,205 --> 01:05:32,936
that my friend Otis
spoke to you about.
1565
01:05:33,042 --> 01:05:35,806
Oh.
1566
01:05:35,912 --> 01:05:38,312
I, uh, I just wanted to, uh,
1567
01:05:38,414 --> 01:05:40,439
talk to you about it and...
1568
01:05:43,953 --> 01:05:45,978
It's really nice to meet you.
I'm Ellie.
1569
01:05:46,088 --> 01:05:48,283
Wow. It's so great
that you stopped by
1570
01:05:48,391 --> 01:05:50,052
"cause I was gonna call you.
1571
01:05:50,126 --> 01:05:52,219
I had an idea.
1572
01:05:52,295 --> 01:05:57,392
I was wondering
if maybe I could do...
1573
01:05:57,467 --> 01:06:00,402
a... lesbian scene?
1574
01:06:00,470 --> 01:06:02,335
That would be my preference.
1575
01:06:02,438 --> 01:06:05,635
I think... I think... Yeah.
1576
01:06:08,778 --> 01:06:11,246
And, um, I had another thought.
1577
01:06:11,314 --> 01:06:14,078
This place would make
such a great set
1578
01:06:14,150 --> 01:06:15,981
for a porno film...
1579
01:06:16,085 --> 01:06:17,575
with all the beds and all.
1580
01:06:17,653 --> 01:06:19,416
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
1581
01:06:19,489 --> 01:06:21,753
To be honest, the only reason
I work here is "cause
1582
01:06:21,824 --> 01:06:24,793
I love sex so much. Duh.
1583
01:06:24,861 --> 01:06:27,022
Anyway, the only catch is,
1584
01:06:27,129 --> 01:06:28,440
if you're interested in using it,
1585
01:06:28,464 --> 01:06:31,456
I spoke to the owner,
she's recently divorced,
1586
01:06:31,534 --> 01:06:34,594
and she won the store
in her settlement,
1587
01:06:34,670 --> 01:06:35,948
and she's fine with you using it.
1588
01:06:35,972 --> 01:06:37,940
We could shoot it on Sunday.
1589
01:06:38,007 --> 01:06:40,032
The store is closed.
1590
01:06:40,142 --> 01:06:42,667
But...
1591
01:06:42,778 --> 01:06:46,145
She... she would have to be
1592
01:06:46,215 --> 01:06:48,046
my partner in that scene.
1593
01:06:49,385 --> 01:06:50,852
Hmm.
1594
01:06:50,953 --> 01:06:53,945
Look, there she is now.
1595
01:06:54,023 --> 01:06:59,359
Oh...
1596
01:06:59,495 --> 01:07:01,053
The highs and lows
1597
01:07:01,163 --> 01:07:03,028
come too close together
in this business.
1598
01:07:03,132 --> 01:07:05,726
I'll bet the lows last longer.
1599
01:07:05,835 --> 01:07:08,998
Her name was Veronica.
1600
01:07:09,071 --> 01:07:10,629
And right now, all I cared about
1601
01:07:10,706 --> 01:07:13,368
was that fantastic,
"nothing beats it" feeling
1602
01:07:13,476 --> 01:07:16,843
you get when something works out.
1603
01:07:19,715 --> 01:07:24,675
Otis, no guts, no glory.
1604
01:07:29,926 --> 01:07:32,417
We shot the scene on Sunday.
1605
01:07:32,528 --> 01:07:34,359
Our lead, who you never see,
1606
01:07:34,430 --> 01:07:35,897
goes to buy a new bed.
1607
01:07:35,998 --> 01:07:37,989
The sales gal is already
busy with a customer
1608
01:07:38,067 --> 01:07:39,591
when he gets there.
1609
01:07:39,702 --> 01:07:43,502
Ellie plays the sales gal,
Veronica the customer.
1610
01:07:43,573 --> 01:07:46,906
Our new favorite thing,
all of ours, lesbians.
1611
01:07:47,009 --> 01:07:48,874
We love lesbians.
1612
01:07:48,945 --> 01:07:50,435
We're having the buttons and t-shirts
1613
01:07:50,546 --> 01:07:51,570
made up right now.
1614
01:07:51,681 --> 01:07:53,842
Ellie and Veronica were great.
1615
01:07:53,916 --> 01:07:55,827
You could've turned on
the camera and gone to lunch.
1616
01:07:55,851 --> 01:07:58,615
They knew how to make
and keep a scene interesting.
1617
01:07:58,721 --> 01:08:00,552
I don't know,
they're naturals or something.
1618
01:08:00,623 --> 01:08:02,921
I mean, they'd just do something...
1619
01:08:03,025 --> 01:08:04,503
I don't know how
they came up with it,
1620
01:08:04,527 --> 01:08:05,960
it's anybody's guess.
1621
01:08:06,062 --> 01:08:08,030
You know, Some would go,
"Yeah, more of that."
1622
01:08:08,097 --> 01:08:09,257
And...
1623
01:08:09,365 --> 01:08:11,265
Boy, did we get more of that.
1624
01:08:11,367 --> 01:08:14,131
We love lesbians.
1625
01:08:17,873 --> 01:08:20,364
We were in trouble again.
Highs and lows, remember?
1626
01:08:20,443 --> 01:08:21,774
Ridiculously close together?
1627
01:08:21,877 --> 01:08:24,141
It was time for a scene with V,
1628
01:08:24,246 --> 01:08:26,646
and we had no guys.
1629
01:08:26,749 --> 01:08:30,947
This sucks. God damn it.
This shouldn't be hard!
1630
01:08:32,655 --> 01:08:34,953
Hey, who wants to get laid?
1631
01:08:35,057 --> 01:08:37,423
Something's not right
with the world.
1632
01:08:37,493 --> 01:08:39,552
Boy, the stars are out of place.
1633
01:08:39,629 --> 01:08:41,429
You know, that's why
the weather's so weird.
1634
01:08:41,464 --> 01:08:43,261
You know, when
I think of all the gals
1635
01:08:43,332 --> 01:08:44,959
who'd happily do this
for me, you know,
1636
01:08:45,067 --> 01:08:47,058
"cause they feel
like they owe me,
1637
01:08:47,136 --> 01:08:48,831
if you catch my drift.
1638
01:08:48,938 --> 01:08:51,634
And in a freaky fluke,
they're all away in China
1639
01:08:51,741 --> 01:08:55,404
or Africa, you know,
places without phones.
1640
01:08:55,478 --> 01:08:57,105
Ask for guys. Wow.
1641
01:08:57,179 --> 01:08:58,305
Moose, this is serious.
1642
01:08:58,414 --> 01:08:59,591
We don't have time
for your stuff.
1643
01:08:59,615 --> 01:09:00,792
Okay'Just shut up.
You're a homo.
1644
01:09:00,816 --> 01:09:03,614
So don't with
that crap, not now.
1645
01:09:03,686 --> 01:09:06,917
A homo?
1646
01:09:10,092 --> 01:09:11,582
A homo?
1647
01:09:11,661 --> 01:09:14,425
What are you, nuts?
1648
01:09:14,530 --> 01:09:15,963
Me, a homo?
1649
01:09:16,032 --> 01:09:17,431
He's kidding, Moose.
1650
01:09:17,500 --> 01:09:19,468
Well, that's a laugh.
1651
01:09:19,535 --> 01:09:21,366
You know, boy is that a laugh.
1652
01:09:21,470 --> 01:09:23,335
Yeah, it sure is.
Good one, Otis.
1653
01:09:23,439 --> 01:09:25,498
Stop! Stop!
We don't have time for this!
1654
01:09:25,608 --> 01:09:29,374
We got to keep our eye on the ball
and drive this home, God damn it.
1655
01:09:29,478 --> 01:09:31,446
You're a homo. Period. The end. There.
1656
01:09:31,514 --> 01:09:33,034
Now we don't have to do that anymore.
1657
01:09:33,115 --> 01:09:35,675
- Otis, don't.
- Look, that's okay.
1658
01:09:35,785 --> 01:09:37,129
You're upset, Otis.
I understand that.
1659
01:09:37,153 --> 01:09:40,816
Look, I'll, uh, I'll call some...
some, uh, ladies I know, you know.
1660
01:09:40,890 --> 01:09:42,152
Some other ones, you know,
1661
01:09:42,224 --> 01:09:46,854
the ones that are not away
or... or sick.
1662
01:09:46,962 --> 01:09:49,829
Thanks.
That would be great.
1663
01:09:54,470 --> 01:09:55,881
Doesn't change the fact
that you're a homo.
1664
01:09:55,905 --> 01:09:57,372
I am not gay!
1665
01:09:57,473 --> 01:09:59,839
Then you're a spy deep undercover.
Only other possibility.
1666
01:09:59,909 --> 01:10:02,503
- Look, I am straight!
- I'm rich and bright.
1667
01:10:02,578 --> 01:10:03,655
Moose, if you don't know you're gay,
1668
01:10:03,679 --> 01:10:05,203
allow me to introduce you to yourself.
1669
01:10:05,314 --> 01:10:06,872
Moose, this is you: Ass master.
1670
01:10:06,982 --> 01:10:09,695
Anything else about yourself you're
oblivious to that I can help you with?
1671
01:10:09,719 --> 01:10:11,209
Your hair is brown.
You wear glasses.
1672
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:12,719
Why would you think that?
1673
01:10:12,822 --> 01:10:17,156
Do... Do you know
how many women I've had?
1674
01:10:17,226 --> 01:10:19,490
If I had money,
all of it would be on none.
1675
01:10:19,562 --> 01:10:21,553
Moose, Moose, Moose, look.
1676
01:10:21,664 --> 01:10:23,222
Beer bottle.
1677
01:10:24,567 --> 01:10:26,159
Red apple.
1678
01:10:26,235 --> 01:10:27,668
Guzzler.
1679
01:10:31,273 --> 01:10:34,606
Andy, I'll do the scene with V.
1680
01:10:34,710 --> 01:10:36,371
- No!
- Moose.
1681
01:10:36,445 --> 01:10:39,346
I insist. Look, we need an actor
for tomorrow's scene.
1682
01:10:39,415 --> 01:10:41,178
It's nothing I haven't done before.
1683
01:10:41,250 --> 01:10:43,718
For the good of the film,
I will save the day.
1684
01:10:43,786 --> 01:10:46,118
I won't take no for an answer, Andy.
1685
01:10:46,222 --> 01:10:47,450
Oh, Otis.
1686
01:10:47,556 --> 01:10:50,548
- Wait...
- Moose.
1687
01:10:50,626 --> 01:10:52,753
We came up for this character for V.
1688
01:10:52,862 --> 01:10:56,298
Uh, she plays this lovable,
bit older member of the community
1689
01:10:56,398 --> 01:10:58,059
who's like everybody's favorite aunt.?
1690
01:10:58,134 --> 01:10:59,931
You know, always feeding you and stuff.
1691
01:11:00,035 --> 01:11:02,765
Uh, only that's just a facade.
1692
01:11:02,872 --> 01:11:06,103
She's really a hot and sexy sexpot,
1693
01:11:06,208 --> 01:11:09,234
and, uh, we call her Aunt V.
1694
01:11:09,311 --> 01:11:10,471
We're rolling.
1695
01:11:10,579 --> 01:11:12,638
Okay, and action.
1696
01:11:30,599 --> 01:11:33,432
I... did say action, right?
1697
01:11:33,502 --> 01:11:34,628
Yes.
1698
01:11:34,737 --> 01:11:36,967
Okay, good. Just making sure.
1699
01:11:38,174 --> 01:11:39,732
V, how are we doing?
1700
01:11:41,811 --> 01:11:43,938
Nothing's happening.
1701
01:11:44,013 --> 01:11:46,504
Do you want me to do something?
1702
01:11:46,615 --> 01:11:49,175
Do you want some help, honey?
1703
01:11:49,285 --> 01:11:50,616
No. No.
1704
01:11:50,686 --> 01:11:52,415
Just give me a moment.
1705
01:11:52,488 --> 01:11:54,285
Sure, Moose, sure.
1706
01:11:54,356 --> 01:11:56,436
Look, the cameras are rolling
whenever you're ready.
1707
01:11:56,492 --> 01:12:00,690
Uh, there's an acting technique
called substitution.
1708
01:12:00,796 --> 01:12:02,263
Just mentioning.
1709
01:12:04,967 --> 01:12:06,798
Emmett.
1710
01:12:08,103 --> 01:12:11,698
You're the cameraman,
so you have to take a look.
1711
01:12:11,807 --> 01:12:13,638
Moose, V,
1712
01:12:13,709 --> 01:12:15,301
Emmett's the cameraman.
1713
01:12:15,377 --> 01:12:18,141
He's just going to take a quick look, okay?
1714
01:12:19,215 --> 01:12:20,944
Come on. Gee...
1715
01:12:28,490 --> 01:12:32,893
He's... He's not just making slow,
passionate, quiet love, by any chance?
1716
01:12:32,995 --> 01:12:34,553
Oh, no. No.
1717
01:12:38,734 --> 01:12:41,862
This definitely
isn't a action porno.
1718
01:12:41,971 --> 01:12:44,633
Let's just leave him alone
in there for a few minutes.
1719
01:12:44,707 --> 01:12:46,504
That's probably
what Liberace's dad said:
1720
01:12:46,575 --> 01:12:49,976
"Leave him alone with a naked
porno babe for a few minutes."
1721
01:12:51,413 --> 01:12:52,812
Guys.
1722
01:12:56,752 --> 01:12:59,186
I have something I have to tell you.
1723
01:13:03,225 --> 01:13:05,693
I'm gay.
1724
01:13:05,761 --> 01:13:09,754
Oh, we don't care at all,
you know, Moose?
1725
01:13:09,865 --> 01:13:11,492
Yeah, Moose, whatever you like.
1726
01:13:11,567 --> 01:13:13,057
I was the one who told you.
1727
01:13:13,168 --> 01:13:14,746
The hell with gay.
You're terribly forgetful.
1728
01:13:14,770 --> 01:13:16,897
But it makes me different
from the rest of you.
1729
01:13:17,006 --> 01:13:19,065
You know,
you're all heterosexuals.
1730
01:13:19,174 --> 01:13:20,402
Yeah, but...
1731
01:13:20,509 --> 01:13:21,703
horrible ones.
1732
01:13:21,777 --> 01:13:23,244
Yeah. We're not any good at it.
1733
01:13:23,345 --> 01:13:26,712
I'm glad you're gay.
If by some miracle I get a gal,
1734
01:13:26,782 --> 01:13:29,774
you're one guy I won't have to worry
about stealing her.
1735
01:13:29,885 --> 01:13:32,080
Will we still watch games together?
1736
01:13:32,187 --> 01:13:34,018
Now we'll get
to watch games together.
1737
01:13:34,089 --> 01:13:37,286
You won't be saying
clich'male shit all the time.
1738
01:13:40,296 --> 01:13:43,129
- It's gonna be great.
- But now I'm the gay guy.
1739
01:13:43,232 --> 01:13:44,961
You were always the gay guy,
Moose,
1740
01:13:45,067 --> 01:13:47,900
just like I'm the good-Looking
guy, huh?
1741
01:13:47,970 --> 01:13:51,804
Look, none of us are prizes.
Gay doesn't even rank.
1742
01:13:51,907 --> 01:13:54,137
Yeah, gay's a good day for us.
1743
01:13:54,243 --> 01:13:56,234
So I'm still part of the gang?
1744
01:13:56,312 --> 01:13:58,439
Part of the gang?
1745
01:13:58,547 --> 01:14:00,606
Moose, you're our friend. We...
1746
01:14:01,817 --> 01:14:04,445
We cherish you, buddy.
1747
01:14:05,654 --> 01:14:06,780
Moose.
1748
01:14:06,889 --> 01:14:07,913
So...
1749
01:14:11,226 --> 01:14:14,093
Of course
we're not very discriminating.
1750
01:14:14,163 --> 01:14:16,131
Idiots, screw-ups, homos.
1751
01:14:17,333 --> 01:14:19,893
We'll be friends with anybody.
1752
01:14:19,969 --> 01:14:21,231
God.
1753
01:14:21,303 --> 01:14:23,931
However, we had no guys for our porno.
1754
01:14:24,006 --> 01:14:26,975
We were sex-deficient
and fresh out of ideas.
1755
01:14:27,076 --> 01:14:29,442
- Guys.
- Guys.
1756
01:14:29,511 --> 01:14:31,240
We know you're in a jam.
1757
01:14:31,313 --> 01:14:32,837
Ron and me, we want to help.
1758
01:14:32,948 --> 01:14:35,815
Yeah, Moe and me want to help.
We'll do the scene for you.
1759
01:14:35,918 --> 01:14:37,647
We've double-teamed lots of gals.
1760
01:14:37,753 --> 01:14:38,845
Double-teamed?
1761
01:14:38,954 --> 01:14:42,321
Moe-Ron, you double-team
lots of gals, do you?
1762
01:14:42,424 --> 01:14:44,688
Yeah. We like to
all the time, actually.
1763
01:14:44,793 --> 01:14:47,125
Yeah, we'll do the Aunt V scene.
No problem.
1764
01:14:49,765 --> 01:14:52,461
Would you boys like some pie?
1765
01:15:10,285 --> 01:15:11,718
Ha ha ha!
1766
01:15:11,820 --> 01:15:13,287
Ha ha ha!
1767
01:15:15,290 --> 01:15:17,451
Ha ha! I love it, I love it!
1768
01:15:17,526 --> 01:15:19,153
Put them in place!
1769
01:15:19,228 --> 01:15:21,128
Oh!
1770
01:15:21,196 --> 01:15:22,390
Come back here.
1771
01:15:32,674 --> 01:15:34,574
I say Moe, you say Ron.
1772
01:15:34,676 --> 01:15:35,973
Moe! Ron!
1773
01:15:36,045 --> 01:15:37,069
- Moe!
- Ron!
1774
01:15:37,179 --> 01:15:38,703
- Moe!
- Ron!
1775
01:15:41,316 --> 01:15:42,647
It's a wrap!
1776
01:15:52,261 --> 01:15:54,889
We got it all. It was amazing.
1777
01:15:54,997 --> 01:15:56,726
Where did you get those weenies?
1778
01:15:56,832 --> 01:15:59,323
Our film has a great lesbo scene.
1779
01:15:59,401 --> 01:16:02,837
We do not have a "white girl
with black guys" scene.
1780
01:16:02,905 --> 01:16:05,669
We gave up our
"gal going to town with toys" scene.
1781
01:16:05,741 --> 01:16:08,335
Uh, but, thanks to good old Moe-Ron,
1782
01:16:08,410 --> 01:16:09,570
we got our gal
1783
01:16:09,678 --> 01:16:10,838
piccolo-playing two guys,
1784
01:16:10,913 --> 01:16:13,404
and we got our, uh, anal.
1785
01:16:13,515 --> 01:16:16,075
That's what Aunt V calls it.
Nice lady.
1786
01:16:16,185 --> 01:16:19,951
So what have we got?
We got a porno.
1787
01:16:20,055 --> 01:16:21,522
We were out of money.
1788
01:16:21,590 --> 01:16:23,956
If we needed more,
we weren't going to get it,
1789
01:16:24,059 --> 01:16:25,219
so we began editing.
1790
01:16:25,294 --> 01:16:26,522
There you go.
1791
01:16:26,595 --> 01:16:28,859
We even had the premiere planned.
1792
01:16:28,931 --> 01:16:30,193
Yeah.
1793
01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:33,361
Hi, Andy.
1794
01:16:33,435 --> 01:16:34,561
Oh, hey, Hel.
1795
01:16:34,636 --> 01:16:36,695
Emmett, Some Idiot.
1796
01:16:36,772 --> 01:16:38,069
Some's asleep.
1797
01:16:38,140 --> 01:16:40,768
Oh. Well, what do I know?
I'm just a porn actress.
1798
01:16:40,876 --> 01:16:42,639
Um, I saw the light on.
1799
01:16:42,744 --> 01:16:44,939
Yeah, yeah, sure.
1800
01:16:45,047 --> 01:16:47,743
Uh, I got the, uh...
1801
01:16:47,816 --> 01:16:51,081
invitation to the, uh, premiere.
1802
01:16:51,153 --> 01:16:52,211
Thanks.
1803
01:16:52,287 --> 01:16:56,485
But, uh, look, I hope you get
from this thing what you want,
1804
01:16:56,592 --> 01:16:57,820
and for everybody,
1805
01:16:57,926 --> 01:16:59,257
but I, uh, l...
1806
01:16:59,328 --> 01:17:00,659
You're not in the film.
1807
01:17:00,762 --> 01:17:02,753
You know, me and Emmett and Some did...
1808
01:17:02,831 --> 01:17:05,561
Yeah, I know, and Barney,
he came and got it...
1809
01:17:05,634 --> 01:17:07,761
you know, the footage.
1810
01:17:07,836 --> 01:17:09,804
What do you mean?
1811
01:17:09,905 --> 01:17:12,135
Well, Barney, uh...
1812
01:17:12,241 --> 01:17:15,301
he wouldn't let you
be in the porno, Hel.
1813
01:17:15,410 --> 01:17:19,005
You know, we gave him
the, uh, the print. All of it.
1814
01:17:19,114 --> 01:17:20,479
There are no other copies,
1815
01:17:20,582 --> 01:17:22,948
and, yeah, Some
and Emmett were there,
1816
01:17:23,018 --> 01:17:25,509
but otherwise no one's seen it.
1817
01:17:25,621 --> 01:17:27,851
Oh. Right. Right.
1818
01:17:27,956 --> 01:17:30,036
You're telling me Barney's
not having a look at it?
1819
01:17:30,092 --> 01:17:31,252
He burned it.
1820
01:17:31,326 --> 01:17:33,021
As soon as we gave it to him,
1821
01:17:33,128 --> 01:17:35,596
he... he put it in the fireplace.
1822
01:17:35,664 --> 01:17:38,132
Hel, I know Barney ain't no poet,
1823
01:17:38,200 --> 01:17:41,829
but... you can't possibly not know.
1824
01:17:41,937 --> 01:17:44,929
I mean, uh, you know,
if the guy drank poison,
1825
01:17:45,007 --> 01:17:46,269
it couldn't be more obvious.
1826
01:17:46,341 --> 01:17:48,775
He's in love with you.
1827
01:17:48,844 --> 01:17:51,813
Come on, He's sick in love with you,
1828
01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:55,179
from the first day he saw you
right up to now.
1829
01:18:08,363 --> 01:18:12,129
Oh! Aunt V, look at you!
1830
01:18:12,201 --> 01:18:14,726
We had a really good turnout.
1831
01:18:14,836 --> 01:18:17,737
Uh, Barney had to miss the premiere.
1832
01:18:17,839 --> 01:18:19,739
I'll tell you why later...
1833
01:18:19,841 --> 01:18:21,069
or show you.
1834
01:18:21,176 --> 01:18:24,202
The stars. So, look at you girls.
1835
01:18:24,313 --> 01:18:26,975
Lovely. Hope you enjoy your scene.
1836
01:18:27,049 --> 01:18:29,347
- Hey.
- Ah.
1837
01:18:29,418 --> 01:18:31,818
Thanks, Andy. Thanks.
1838
01:18:31,887 --> 01:18:34,378
Oh, my pleasure.
I didn't know if you wanted to come.
1839
01:18:34,489 --> 01:18:37,356
I was going to, uh, call you...
1840
01:18:37,426 --> 01:18:39,326
No, no, no. I don't mean
for the invitation.
1841
01:18:39,394 --> 01:18:41,157
I mean, um, that day...
1842
01:18:41,230 --> 01:18:45,098
the day that you came
to the ball field for your aspirin,
1843
01:18:45,200 --> 01:18:49,000
you were going to ask me
to be in your film, weren't you?
1844
01:18:49,071 --> 01:18:51,904
Yeah, I think I was. Yeah.
1845
01:18:52,007 --> 01:18:55,204
Well, you're a nice man, Andy.
1846
01:19:10,225 --> 01:19:12,216
Thank you. Thank you.
1847
01:19:12,294 --> 01:19:15,229
Thank you very, very much
for coming.
1848
01:19:15,297 --> 01:19:18,391
Uh, I don't know what to say. Uh...
1849
01:19:18,467 --> 01:19:20,594
Well, we really couldn't
have done it without you.
1850
01:19:20,702 --> 01:19:22,222
We couldn't have done it without you!
1851
01:19:22,271 --> 01:19:23,295
That's right, Andy!
1852
01:19:25,274 --> 01:19:28,539
Uh, I'm a man of few words,
1853
01:19:28,610 --> 01:19:31,602
and it's not me
you're here to see a lot of,
1854
01:19:31,713 --> 01:19:34,079
so roll "em!
1855
01:19:36,585 --> 01:19:39,213
Remember Ernest G. Pike,
1856
01:19:39,288 --> 01:19:40,380
Charlene's brother?
1857
01:19:42,257 --> 01:19:44,054
As promised.
1858
01:19:48,930 --> 01:19:50,625
The film came out okay.
1859
01:19:50,732 --> 01:19:54,133
These are friends, but everybody,
you know, seemed to enjoy it.
1860
01:19:58,807 --> 01:20:00,672
What's Ern's first stop?
1861
01:20:00,776 --> 01:20:03,006
Floyd's, which is reasonable.
1862
01:20:03,111 --> 01:20:06,444
It's the closest bar.
It's where he'd find people he knew.
1863
01:20:06,515 --> 01:20:09,450
Even his sister might be found here.
1864
01:20:09,518 --> 01:20:11,611
Speaking of Ern's sister,
1865
01:20:11,687 --> 01:20:14,178
it turns out we were able
to use some of Charlene's stuff
1866
01:20:14,289 --> 01:20:15,779
as sort of the tease
1867
01:20:15,857 --> 01:20:18,257
Hey, the hat was my idea!
1868
01:20:18,327 --> 01:20:20,693
We used her getting the guys
all interested.
1869
01:20:20,796 --> 01:20:23,458
You know, they're, uh,
just about to have sex,
1870
01:20:23,532 --> 01:20:25,363
and then we cut away, you know,
1871
01:20:25,467 --> 01:20:27,332
don't give you the sex,
1872
01:20:27,436 --> 01:20:29,301
drive you a little crazy, you see,
1873
01:20:29,371 --> 01:20:31,601
and then, uh, and then in other scenes,
1874
01:20:31,673 --> 01:20:33,698
you get it all, uh, you know,
1875
01:20:33,809 --> 01:20:36,607
but you're never sure
you're going to get it, see?
1876
01:20:36,678 --> 01:20:39,841
Uh, tension, you know, worked pretty good.
1877
01:20:39,948 --> 01:20:44,851
As you see, peering plays
a very big role in all my films.
1878
01:20:44,953 --> 01:20:46,147
Shit!
1879
01:20:47,489 --> 01:20:50,185
I can't remember if Ernest
has always had impeccable timing.
1880
01:20:50,292 --> 01:20:51,316
Where the hell...
1881
01:20:51,393 --> 01:20:53,657
He did indeed find his sister here.
1882
01:20:53,729 --> 01:20:57,665
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
1883
01:21:09,745 --> 01:21:12,145
Ernest! Ern, it's me... Moose.
1884
01:21:13,315 --> 01:21:15,374
Ern! Wait, don't take it out on me!
1885
01:21:16,385 --> 01:21:18,512
Listen, Ern... Uhh!
1886
01:21:18,587 --> 01:21:19,918
Stop!
1887
01:21:20,021 --> 01:21:21,818
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1888
01:21:33,001 --> 01:21:34,696
Aah!
1889
01:22:08,136 --> 01:22:12,038
The police came
and apprehended Ernest.
1890
01:22:12,107 --> 01:22:16,908
We had shot our porno
on reversal stock, no negative,
1891
01:22:16,978 --> 01:22:19,947
so there was only one copy...
you know, print.
1892
01:22:20,048 --> 01:22:23,211
It was destroyed, every frame.
1893
01:22:25,287 --> 01:22:27,812
Some Idiot lost his arm.
1894
01:22:27,923 --> 01:22:30,915
Some, Some, Some, Some, Some,
1895
01:22:30,992 --> 01:22:34,120
You are some idiot, Some Idiot.
1896
01:22:34,229 --> 01:22:35,958
I'm so sorry, Some.
1897
01:22:36,064 --> 01:22:38,498
Nobody was supposed to get hurt.
1898
01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:40,397
Your arm.
1899
01:22:41,470 --> 01:22:42,937
Your arm.
1900
01:22:44,940 --> 01:22:48,103
I wanted you to get something,
not lose anything.
1901
01:22:48,176 --> 01:22:49,176
It's...
1902
01:22:49,277 --> 01:22:50,277
I'm sorry.
1903
01:22:50,345 --> 01:22:51,778
Andy, it's okay.
1904
01:22:54,182 --> 01:22:56,582
How are you feeling, huh?
1905
01:22:56,651 --> 01:22:58,482
It was fun.
1906
01:22:59,988 --> 01:23:03,822
Thanks for letting me be
the writer/director.
1907
01:23:03,925 --> 01:23:05,517
Nobody else would have.
1908
01:23:05,627 --> 01:23:07,652
You did a really good job.
1909
01:23:07,762 --> 01:23:09,093
I did, right?
1910
01:23:09,164 --> 01:23:11,928
You were great.
You're a writer/director now.
1911
01:23:12,000 --> 01:23:14,025
First class, huh?
1912
01:23:14,135 --> 01:23:17,161
And you can't become
a first class writer/director
1913
01:23:17,272 --> 01:23:19,001
without a little sacrifice.
1914
01:23:20,642 --> 01:23:23,543
Hey, it's not the one,
uh, that you...
1915
01:23:23,645 --> 01:23:26,011
No. I still got that one.
1916
01:23:26,114 --> 01:23:28,309
- Well, thank God. Whew.
- Oh, yeah.
1917
01:23:29,551 --> 01:23:30,711
Okay, then.
1918
01:23:33,688 --> 01:23:35,553
Once I took a road trip.
1919
01:23:35,657 --> 01:23:39,457
Uh, my destination was Vermont.
Well, I ended up in Florida...
1920
01:23:39,528 --> 01:23:44,363
a couple of wrong or right turns,
depending how you look at it.
1921
01:23:44,466 --> 01:23:47,367
Whoa. Whoa.
1922
01:23:52,007 --> 01:23:53,338
Here's where you get.
1923
01:23:53,408 --> 01:23:56,138
You failed enough.
Time not to fail.
1924
01:23:56,211 --> 01:23:58,406
I'm talking about something so much more
1925
01:23:58,513 --> 01:24:00,708
than determination
or positive thinking here.
1926
01:24:00,815 --> 01:24:03,375
Failure really just won't do,
1927
01:24:03,485 --> 01:24:05,385
so you see to it that you don't.
1928
01:24:05,487 --> 01:24:06,818
It's possible, swear,
1929
01:24:06,888 --> 01:24:10,255
but you've got to get there,
and it's a miserable trip,
1930
01:24:10,358 --> 01:24:12,417
but no matter how it's supposed to go,
1931
01:24:12,527 --> 01:24:16,190
what the rules were yesterday,
what everyone thinks... thinks they know,
1932
01:24:16,264 --> 01:24:17,697
you know, none of that matters.
1933
01:24:17,766 --> 01:24:20,894
You have a job to do.
Today you do it.
1934
01:24:29,411 --> 01:24:31,242
Andy.
1935
01:24:35,717 --> 01:24:38,845
You... You were always filming
1936
01:24:38,920 --> 01:24:41,548
with th-those... those little...
those little tapes
1937
01:24:41,623 --> 01:24:43,523
that you gave to Barney, right?
1938
01:24:43,592 --> 01:24:45,389
That he burned up
with the footage of Helen.
1939
01:24:45,460 --> 01:24:47,451
Yeah, the... the Mini DV tapes.
1940
01:24:47,562 --> 01:24:49,006
Yeah, I get them for,
like, 50 cents apiece,
1941
01:24:49,030 --> 01:24:51,225
so I just shot video nonstop.
1942
01:24:51,299 --> 01:24:53,096
I was going to give you
the tapes when we...
1943
01:24:53,201 --> 01:24:54,725
So you have all that stuff?
1944
01:24:54,803 --> 01:24:58,239
Yeah, all the way back to when you
hit everybody up for money.
1945
01:24:58,306 --> 01:25:02,242
You... You were always filming.
You have everything, then.
1946
01:25:02,310 --> 01:25:03,971
Yeah. On video, yeah.
1947
01:25:04,079 --> 01:25:07,378
I have all the tapes
and everything from the set.
1948
01:25:07,449 --> 01:25:10,577
So... So we can put together a new film.
1949
01:25:10,652 --> 01:25:12,142
On video, yeah.
1950
01:25:12,253 --> 01:25:14,983
And we could edit it on my Mac,
but it'd just be another...
1951
01:25:15,090 --> 01:25:16,148
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1952
01:25:16,257 --> 01:25:17,884
Didn't you tell me
one time something
1953
01:25:17,959 --> 01:25:21,622
about being able to, you know,
turn videos into film or something?
1954
01:25:21,730 --> 01:25:23,129
A transfer, yeah, yeah.
1955
01:25:23,231 --> 01:25:25,426
But, I mean, that would cost,
like, 50 grand
1956
01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:27,730
to bump all this up to 35 mm.
1957
01:25:27,802 --> 01:25:28,894
16 might be less.
1958
01:25:28,970 --> 01:25:30,335
All right, all right, all right.
1959
01:25:30,438 --> 01:25:33,771
Regular movies are 35.
It costs 50 grand.
1960
01:25:33,842 --> 01:25:36,436
Are you with me
for one last thing?
1961
01:25:36,511 --> 01:25:38,570
Yes.
1962
01:25:38,647 --> 01:25:41,673
Start editing. Hmm?
1963
01:25:41,783 --> 01:25:43,478
Any sex, take it out.
1964
01:25:43,585 --> 01:25:45,576
Any nudity, take it out.
1965
01:25:45,654 --> 01:25:47,246
You can leave in the butts,
1966
01:25:47,322 --> 01:25:50,086
but I don't want to see
a hint of nipple.
1967
01:25:50,158 --> 01:25:51,358
- Do you understand me?
- Yeah.
1968
01:25:53,161 --> 01:25:56,756
I asked Howard for the 50 grand,
and he gave it to me.
1969
01:25:56,831 --> 01:25:57,957
Good guy.
1970
01:25:58,033 --> 01:26:00,263
Round, round, get around
1971
01:26:00,335 --> 01:26:02,667
I get around, yeah, get around
1972
01:26:02,771 --> 01:26:03,829
And at that moment,
1973
01:26:03,938 --> 01:26:05,371
I took the word "porno" away
1974
01:26:05,473 --> 01:26:06,531
from the front of our film
1975
01:26:06,641 --> 01:26:09,201
and was left with just a film,
1976
01:26:09,310 --> 01:26:14,145
a movie with all the stuff...
love, friendship, violence, real life.
1977
01:26:16,551 --> 01:26:18,519
Real life. Hey, it beats porno.
1978
01:26:18,620 --> 01:26:21,350
There'd be no contest
if real life had more sex in it.
1979
01:26:23,525 --> 01:26:26,289
Anyway, Emmett and I,
we edited our new movie
1980
01:26:26,361 --> 01:26:28,241
in his apartment
in the back of the video store,
1981
01:26:28,296 --> 01:26:30,287
put in all kinds of new stuff.
1982
01:26:30,365 --> 01:26:34,131
He'd been taping the town
and all of us for a long time.
1983
01:26:34,202 --> 01:26:37,035
So then we had it transferred to 35 mm,
1984
01:26:37,138 --> 01:26:41,632
put in just the right amount of, uh,
what's called, uh, voiceover...
1985
01:26:41,710 --> 01:26:43,143
you know, me talking.
1986
01:26:43,211 --> 01:26:46,078
You know, I bet you anything
you look through history,
1987
01:26:46,181 --> 01:26:49,844
the best stuff didn't come from guys
knowing what they were doing.
1988
01:26:49,918 --> 01:26:52,409
It came from guys who really tried hard
1989
01:26:52,520 --> 01:26:54,545
and cared like hell.
1990
01:26:54,656 --> 01:26:56,419
Ooh
1991
01:26:56,524 --> 01:26:59,425
Wa-wa-ooh
1992
01:26:59,527 --> 01:27:00,585
Wa-wa-ooh
1993
01:27:00,695 --> 01:27:04,324
So then we had a movie
with a great title...
1994
01:27:04,399 --> 01:27:06,833
and more than one print.
1995
01:27:08,703 --> 01:27:12,104
Okay, and we jump ahead now
six months or so.
1996
01:27:12,207 --> 01:27:14,903
Here I am walking down the street.
1997
01:27:15,009 --> 01:27:19,036
So then Emmett knew
about these, uh, film carnivals.
1998
01:27:19,114 --> 01:27:21,674
They're kind of like, you know,
movie Mardi Gras,
1999
01:27:21,750 --> 01:27:25,208
uh, only not quite as many women
will show you their babaloos.
2000
01:27:26,421 --> 01:27:28,685
Anyway, our movie won one.
2001
01:27:32,460 --> 01:27:34,189
Ha ha ha ha!
2002
01:27:36,531 --> 01:27:38,362
They tell me a big one.
2003
01:27:41,402 --> 01:27:45,736
We made this movie
with the help of friends.
2004
01:27:45,807 --> 01:27:48,367
It's, uh, it's really all it took...
2005
01:27:48,443 --> 01:27:50,911
uh...
2006
01:27:50,979 --> 01:27:51,979
and an arm.
2007
01:27:53,615 --> 01:27:57,642
Uh, we learned two things,
and I mean learned:
2008
01:27:57,752 --> 01:28:00,983
Nothing ventured, nothing gained,
2009
01:28:01,089 --> 01:28:03,717
and no guts, no glory.
2010
01:28:03,792 --> 01:28:06,454
Uh, you know, I mean,
don't be an idiot about it,
2011
01:28:06,561 --> 01:28:07,653
but, uh, yeah.
2012
01:28:07,762 --> 01:28:09,593
Happy to pass that on to you.
2013
01:28:13,101 --> 01:28:14,966
One of the reasons
people go to these carnivals
2014
01:28:15,069 --> 01:28:16,798
is to buy movies.
2015
01:28:16,905 --> 01:28:20,170
Our movie got bought for $2.4 million.
2016
01:28:20,275 --> 01:28:23,608
I'm told that's a very good price.
2017
01:28:23,678 --> 01:28:25,038
Who the hell are you, Santa Claus?
2018
01:28:25,079 --> 01:28:27,946
What, all fat white guys are Santa Claus?
2019
01:28:28,016 --> 01:28:29,916
Thanks.
2020
01:28:31,186 --> 01:28:33,416
For purple mountains" majesty
2021
01:28:33,488 --> 01:28:36,582
When we got back
from the film carnival with the 2.4 mil,
2022
01:28:36,658 --> 01:28:37,989
yeah, there was a party.
2023
01:28:38,092 --> 01:28:39,354
Everybody was really happy.
2024
01:28:39,460 --> 01:28:41,325
America, America
2025
01:28:41,429 --> 01:28:42,919
The movie opened this weekend
2026
01:28:42,997 --> 01:28:44,988
in what they call a limited release,
2027
01:28:45,099 --> 01:28:47,533
but this guy from the studio said
2028
01:28:47,635 --> 01:28:51,503
it had a very high, uh,
per-screen average or something.
2029
01:28:51,606 --> 01:28:55,542
The genius part is... heh...
we still have a piece...
2030
01:28:55,643 --> 01:28:58,771
a piece at the back end, a big piece.
2031
01:29:00,682 --> 01:29:01,979
I did good.
2032
01:29:03,151 --> 01:29:04,675
Thanks for the car, man!
2033
01:29:06,154 --> 01:29:07,280
Thank you!
2034
01:29:09,557 --> 01:29:10,888
Oh. Here.
2035
01:29:10,992 --> 01:29:12,619
This you've really got to see.
2036
01:29:12,694 --> 01:29:14,855
Otis stuck with porno.
2037
01:29:14,963 --> 01:29:17,557
He's also the most
obviously happy person
2038
01:29:17,665 --> 01:29:19,462
you've ever met in your life.
2039
01:29:19,534 --> 01:29:20,660
Andy!
2040
01:29:23,171 --> 01:29:26,470
When I found out Emmett had been living
right on Main Street all that time
2041
01:29:26,541 --> 01:29:29,669
without any of us knowing him,
it really broke my heart.
2042
01:29:29,744 --> 01:29:33,703
It was time he take his proper
place in the community.
2043
01:29:33,815 --> 01:29:37,182
Oh, yeah. I, uh, promised
to tell or show you
2044
01:29:37,252 --> 01:29:39,345
why Barney wasn't at the premiere.
2045
01:29:39,420 --> 01:29:42,912
He and Helen were out of town.
They eloped. Nice, huh?
2046
01:29:43,024 --> 01:29:44,889
Yeah, I wanted to save it for the end,
2047
01:29:44,993 --> 01:29:48,724
just in case one or two of you
didn't figure it out.
2048
01:29:48,830 --> 01:29:52,197
Moose is also very happy these days.
2049
01:29:52,267 --> 01:29:54,098
I've been having so much fun.
2050
01:29:54,202 --> 01:29:58,400
Okay, let's see.
What else do you need to know?
2051
01:29:58,506 --> 01:30:02,943
Uh, Some is an up-and-coming
writer director in Hollywood.
2052
01:30:03,044 --> 01:30:04,568
Everyone knows who he is.
2053
01:30:04,679 --> 01:30:08,012
He's the writer director
with one arm.
2054
01:30:11,786 --> 01:30:13,117
Hi, honey. It's Peggy.
2055
01:30:13,221 --> 01:30:14,848
I'm looking for a producer.
2056
01:30:14,923 --> 01:30:17,255
I'm hoping you can
produce me a foot massage.
2057
01:30:17,358 --> 01:30:19,403
Uh, I'm leaving the ball field.
Do you need anything?
2058
01:30:19,427 --> 01:30:22,396
Peanuts, hot dog, some aspirin?
2059
01:30:22,463 --> 01:30:24,556
I love you, honey.
I'll see you soon.
2060
01:30:24,632 --> 01:30:25,929
I just got back from L.A.
2061
01:30:26,034 --> 01:30:27,626
Hi. This is Mark Miller
from the studio.
2062
01:30:27,735 --> 01:30:29,965
Look, we love it. We love you.
We don't say that often.
2063
01:30:30,071 --> 01:30:31,800
We'd love to do something together.
2064
01:30:31,906 --> 01:30:33,951
Listen to me. I've never said
the word "love" this much
2065
01:30:33,975 --> 01:30:35,943
to someone who isn't 21 with...
2066
01:30:39,314 --> 01:30:41,407
Hey!
2067
01:30:41,482 --> 01:30:42,482
Ha ha.
2068
01:30:42,583 --> 01:30:44,141
Thel!
2069
01:30:44,252 --> 01:30:46,720
I always knew.
2070
01:30:55,330 --> 01:30:56,820
Thanks, Thel.
2071
01:31:06,007 --> 01:31:08,100
Big tits. Call me, brother.
2072
01:31:09,744 --> 01:31:11,507
Dad, just saw the movie
with all my friends.
2073
01:31:11,612 --> 01:31:13,671
It was great. They can't
believe you're my dad.
2074
01:31:13,781 --> 01:31:14,839
People keep calling.
2075
01:31:14,949 --> 01:31:16,509
Everybody thinks
you're really hot shit.
2076
01:31:16,617 --> 01:31:18,414
Congratulations.
I love you, Dad.
2077
01:31:18,486 --> 01:31:19,817
I'll see you tonight, right?
2078
01:31:19,921 --> 01:31:22,685
I hope so. Bye, Dad.
2079
01:31:28,363 --> 01:31:31,025
Dad, just saw the movie
with all my friends.
2080
01:31:31,132 --> 01:31:33,430
It was great. They can't
believe you're my dad.
2081
01:31:33,501 --> 01:31:34,866
People keep calling.
2082
01:31:34,969 --> 01:31:36,698
Everybody thinks
you're really hot shit.
2083
01:31:36,804 --> 01:31:39,170
Congratulations.
I love you, Dad.
2084
01:31:39,273 --> 01:31:40,831
I'll see you tonight, right?
2085
01:31:40,942 --> 01:31:43,172
I hope so. Bye, Dad.
2086
01:31:53,654 --> 01:31:55,679
Lations. I love you, Dad.
2087
01:31:55,790 --> 01:31:57,519
I'll see you tonight, right?
2088
01:31:57,625 --> 01:31:58,717
I hope so.
2089
01:32:01,529 --> 01:32:02,894
I love you, Dad.
2090
01:33:22,143 --> 01:33:25,044
The end. We hope you liked our film.
2091
01:34:03,017 --> 01:34:06,817
If I could, I'd say these words
2092
01:34:06,921 --> 01:34:09,082
I am a good man
2093
01:34:12,260 --> 01:34:15,696
If I could, I'd make it heard
2094
01:34:15,796 --> 01:34:18,094
I am a good man
2095
01:34:21,035 --> 01:34:24,698
A good man commits
2096
01:34:25,806 --> 01:34:28,934
A good man doesn't spit
2097
01:34:30,144 --> 01:34:34,808
A good man opens every door
2098
01:34:34,882 --> 01:34:36,975
A good man
2099
01:34:37,051 --> 01:34:40,145
Don't make out with whores
2100
01:34:43,691 --> 01:34:47,718
Someday I'm gonna say
these words
2101
01:34:47,828 --> 01:34:50,058
I am a good man
2102
01:34:52,700 --> 01:34:56,659
Someday I'm gonna make it heard
2103
01:34:56,737 --> 01:34:58,898
I am a good man
2104
01:35:01,976 --> 01:35:06,413
A good man's for real
2105
01:35:06,514 --> 01:35:11,042
A good man can feel
2106
01:35:11,152 --> 01:35:15,748
A good man
don't put his fist through walls
2107
01:35:15,856 --> 01:35:17,551
A good man
2108
01:35:17,658 --> 01:35:20,320
Don't stay down when he falls
2109
01:35:20,394 --> 01:35:23,591
Haunted by my youth
2110
01:35:24,699 --> 01:35:28,157
Suffocated truth
2111
01:35:29,203 --> 01:35:33,572
A piece of me has to die
2112
01:35:33,674 --> 01:35:38,737
Before I find the strength to fly
2113
01:35:42,683 --> 01:35:46,551
Yeah, I'm gonna say these words
2114
01:35:46,621 --> 01:35:49,021
I am a good man
2115
01:35:51,926 --> 01:35:55,521
And I'm gonna make it heard
2116
01:35:55,596 --> 01:35:57,928
I am a good man
2117
01:36:00,067 --> 01:36:01,398
I am a good man
2118
01:36:01,469 --> 01:36:04,131
I am a loaded gun
2119
01:36:04,238 --> 01:36:06,604
I am my father's son
2120
01:36:06,707 --> 01:36:08,868
Always on the run
2121
01:36:08,943 --> 01:36:11,207
Searchin' for the one
2122
01:36:11,279 --> 01:36:13,770
And embracing none
2123
01:36:13,881 --> 01:36:16,076
I am a good man
2124
01:36:18,152 --> 01:36:20,620
I am a good man
2125
01:36:22,757 --> 01:36:27,490
I am a good man142827
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