All language subtitles for The Chosen S04E07

Whoa.

Drop the stick.

Who are you? How did
you find this place?

Matthew.

For heaven's sake, why the hood?

Uh, you can never be too sure.

You should have sent word
so we would be prepared.

I thought the point was people weren't
supposed to find out where she was.

Zee has people who sneak
letters in and out.

You know that.

Etienna, who is it?
What's happening?

An impromptu guest, my lady.

Mary.

- Matthew.
- Mary.

I hope this isn't an
inconvenient time.

No.

Still unusually
pleasant to look at.

I see your eyesight
is starting to go.

All right. Inside, both of you.

It's getting cold.

The others will never forgive me
if I let you catch your death.

Come.

Careful. It's very dark.

Watch where you step.

I can't believe you came
all this way, Matthew.

With the danger.

And at your age.

Our age.

- It was important.
- Mm-hm.

- Mary, I finished it.
- Hmm?

- The book?
- I couldn't risk sending it by courier.

I wanted you to be the first
one to read it. Please.

And I want to hear your thoughts.
I had to be here for it.

I can't believe it.

Oh.

You worked so hard
and for so long.

This will be a
treasure for all time.

I'm here to see about that.

It will outlive us.
We know that much.

I know I'm right.

Over by the fire, you two.
We've got to warm you up.

- Ah, yes.
- Mm.

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

Mary.

Before we say anything further,
I'm afraid I have some bad news.

I've gotten used to that.

This I could have sent word of,

but I thought, since I was
coming here to see you,

I would tell you in person.

Who is it?

Little James.

How did it happen? Where?

- Mary, you...
- No, I want to know. I can handle it.

Tell me.

Lower Egypt.

King Hyrcanus had him
run through with a spear.

What about Onya and the girls?

- Mercifully, they were not there to see it.
- Thanks be to God.

Zee's men are moving them to stay with
Nympha and her husband at Colossae.

- Paul's been sending letters to the church there.
- They should be safe there.

I'll send a letter to Onya.

What would you say to her?

He's not suffering anymore.

He was in pain
his entire life...

and he so rarely complained.

Yes.

- Thank you, Etienna.
- Delicious.

I'm going to stay up all night
and read your manuscript.

I want to relive it all.

Even the hard parts.

Is something wrong?

That is why you came, isn't it?

No. It is.

It's just something I noticed.

My desk?

I write letters there.

I apologize. I
don't mean to pry.

I just noticed as I passed by, those
scraps don't look like letters.

You read them?

No. No, no, no,
Mary I would never.

I just...

The pieces sitting
there struck me as odd.

Matthew, let me
read your volume.

Don't busy yourself
with my scribblings.

I'm sure they're more
substantial than scribblings.

- Why are we talking about this?
- Parchment is expensive.

You live in a cave on a mountainside
far from merchants or civilization.

No one in your position
or mine wastes paper.

It's true. I'm not wasteful.

Mary, I value your thoughts and
I am eager to hear them all.

Will you allow me?

Mm.

It's fine.

You know I'm here for
you, now and always.

I've been having dreams lately.

About some of the darker times.

In my life and his...

and others among us.

I wanted to write them
down so I don't forget...

trying to...

assemble them into something.

I don't know. Just for me.

- No one else.
- I understand.

I'm sorry to have pried.

I would only want you to share if
you felt comfortable sharing. Hmm?

Perhaps I can share
them with you.

My oldest friend.

♪ Oh, child, come on
in Jump in the water ♪

♪ Got no trouble with
the mess you been ♪

♪ Walk on the water, ooh ♪

♪ You walk on the water, ooh ♪

♪ You walk on the water ♪

♪ Oh, child ♪

♪ You walk on the water ♪

♪ Got no trouble ♪

♪ You walk on the water ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Walk on the water ♪

Oh, thank you.

Maybe just this
other arm. There.

This is heavy. Want
me to take some?

A little bit. I took
stuff out. It's okay.

- Okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

- Here you go.
- Thank you, Zee. Hmm.

James. I made this for
you. For the journey today.

It'll be stronger than
the one you had before.

You fought bravely yesterday
when they came to arrest him.

Didn't even hesitate.

We were never going
to let that happen.

What about me? Do I
get a walking stick?

Are you badly injured?

- Just joking.
- This isn't a day for jokes.

It remains to be seen. We'll
either sit shiva or we won't.

- Is everyone checked out of their rooms?
- Yes.

- Judas, you paid the innkeeper?
- Yes, Rabbi.

- We're ready, master.
- Hmm.

All right. Let's not
waste any more time.

Please.

I was thinking
about what you said.

Thank you, by the way.

What?

The new sandals.

I didn't realize how uncomfortable
the expensive ones were.

I'm actually looking
forward to the walk today.

That makes one of us.

So, what did you mean last
night about going to Lazarus?

- I said what I said.
- "That we may die with him"?

If we go back into Judea and they kill
us, like they tried to yesterday...

then that is God's will.

And if it's God's will for us to die with Jesus,
at least I won't have to feel anything anymore.

That's what I thought you meant.

Thomas, in our faith, it's generally
frowned upon to wish for one's own death.

In the final words of
the last Book of Moses,

God says that if it is between "life
and death, blessing and curse..."

we should "choose life."

I wonder what that means when
one doesn't have the choice.

I'm just saying you
should hope to live.

It's the nature of
life itself, John.

That's what everyone has
been saying for weeks.

Only time differentiates
one from the other.

We are in the middle of remarkably
unusual circumstances, Thomas.

No, John, this isn't an
unusual circumstance.

We have been forced to accept
that death is a part of life.

Water?

Uh, I'm good. Thanks.

Peter.

Last night my mind was cloudy
from being hit in the head.

- Did I say something about Jairus' daughter?
- Keep your voice low.

I did.

Maybe it doesn't matter now.

Lazarus is dead.

Jesus said he's going to wake him
and we both know what that means.

What that can mean. Yeah.

Jesus said he was glad that he wasn't
there to prevent Lazarus' death,

that whatever's about to
happen next will be his will,

which means we have
nothing to fear.

You make it sound
so simple. Hmm?

Pain has a way of
flattening things.

What was it like
before I got here?

Quieter.

You mean I talk too much.

Sometimes.

But I meant we were
relatively unknown.

There was no fame...

or infamy.

No one had even tried
to stone us yet.

That wasn't all your fault.

Well, if it's not me...

has something gone wrong?

I believe it has, Judas.

Lazarus is dead.

That's what I mean.

We're on the way to our third
shiva in less than a year.

And?

He's the Messiah.

Shouldn't we be winning,
not losing constantly?

This stumbling around in sackcloths
and ashes all the time...

hardly looks like glory.

Hey.

Only Jesus knows what
true glory looks like.

It certainly can't be this.

Perhaps.

"We'll sit shiva or we won't."

Weren't you the one who read the
letter saying Lazarus is dead?

Yes.

But then there's what
Jesus said after.

"Asleep. Awaken."

Are you familiar with the Song
of David? "How long, O Lord"?

I've heard the first few lines.
I don't have that one memorized.

Oh, Mary.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your
life, but it's a good one to commit to memory.

Aren't they all?

Well, it starts with
these big questions.

"How long, O Lord?"

Have you forgotten me forever?

"How long will you hide
your face from me?"

Been there.

But it ends with
acceptance and even praise.

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart will rejoice in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord because
He has dealt bountifully with me."

Done that.

Although not very pretty.

But in the middle,
there's this line.

"Consider and answer me, O
Lord my God; light up my eyes,

lest I sleep the
sleep of death."

Sleep and death.

Sometimes they're
used interchangeably.

It appears only God
knows the difference.

Hmm.

Does that answer your question about why
I said, "We'll sit shiva or we won't"?

You know, before we
went on our missions,

I asked Jesus about the irony of
giving me the ability to heal others

while still bearing
the burden of my limp.

Did he answer?

- He explained some of it, and it was beautiful.
- Mm.

That doesn't mean that
I'm not still in pain.

The pangs were already getting steadily
worse even before what happened yesterday.

And...

I don't know. I guess
what I'm getting at is...

if Jesus wakes Lazarus
from his sleep...

won't that just present even bigger questions
than the one that I've wrestled with?

Of course, it will.

And we'll deal with them then.
There's no use agonizing about it now.

Is all of this
what you expected?

Little James, I...

I wouldn't wish what I went
through on anybody, but...

being lost to myself all those years
means that I never expected anything.

Except darkness.

Constant shadow.

Screeches in the night.

Strange voices.

Even the daylight felt dark,

with only these rare moments where
flecks of light would shine through.

And now it's flipped.

Ever since he called my name, everything
has been light, more or less...

with the occasional moments of darkness
that hurt just as much as before,

only now they're the
exception and not the rule.

I've had so much
practice with grief...

and loss.

Unanswerable questions.

Now I'm just grateful...

for the light.

I'm not special, of course. Please understand.
This is not an enviable perspective to have.

- It's been gained only by torment.
- Hmm.

Well.

I wish that my own
torment would grant me

the same level of acceptance
and wisdom that you found.

I still have a long way to go.

And you have grown.

I've known you and
Thaddeus the longest,

ever since that first Shabbat in my tiny
apartment when I had no idea what I was doing.

Well, to be fair, neither
did Thaddeus and I, so...

I could tell.

None of us could have dreamed
where all of this was headed.

We still can't.

Still.

Arnán.

Martha, may Adonai comfort you, together
with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

This earth is a worse place without
him. He was taken from us far too soon.

Mary, this is Arnán
from Jerusalem.

An old business partner
of my brother's.

The golden age of construction in the holy
city has ended with the death of Lazarus.

Truly, there was no greater
ironsmith in all of the land.

He was like family and the
beloved friend of my son's.

He was beloved by all.

- Oh, Jabez.
- Arnán.

Our family lawyer.

- Is everything in order?
- As you would expect from Lazarus.

Martha, you and your sister
will be well taken care of.

His property, assets, and all the
money will pass directly to you

with a special clause that
the resources be used,

in part to include the ongoing
protection and care of one Mary,

daughter of Joachim of Nazareth.

Lazarus never said anything.

Why does it not surprise me that Lazarus
is friends with people from Nazareth?

- He was never elitist, Arnán.
- We grew up there.

Well, I apologize, sisters. I meant
no disrespect by that comment.

Martha, most of the money is in the
bank, but there is some in the safe

in the back of the office...

Can we do this later?

Certainly, if you need
anything in the short term.

Oh, and as I was
arriving to your house,

Nephtali told me to tell you there is a
group approaching Bethany to see Lazarus.

- How many?
- He said over ten, coming from the Jordan.

And he said, "Tell
her he is coming."

He? Who is "he"?

Lord, if you had been here...

my brother would not have died.

- Martha...
- I'm trying not to be angry

you didn't come sooner, Lord.

I'm just...

Confused.

And devastated.

I understand.

But even now I know...

whatever you ask from God...

God will give you.

- My child...
- Right?

Whatever it is to give
us hope or relief...

I know you can.

Your brother will rise again.

I know he will rise again with all of us
in the resurrection at the end of the age.

That's a long time to wait.

That's not the resurrection
I'm talking about.

I am the life that
overcomes death.

I don't understand.

I am the resurrection
and the life.

Whoever believes in me,
even if he dies, will live.

And whoever lives and believes
in me shall never die.

Do you believe this?

I believe you are the Christ...

the Son of God, who is
coming into the world.

So even what I do
not understand...

I believe.

Now that I'm here...

physical death does not
interrupt our eternal life.

I believe you're the Christ.

That I know.

That's all I need for now.

Quickly, go and get your sister.

- Master, should we...?
- We will wait here.

Forgive me, Rabbi.

Are we supposed to be
understanding what you are saying?

Yeah, I must admit, um...

I'm wondering the same thing.

I suppose not yet.

I don't trust my hearing, John.

And I'm too afraid to confirm
what I thought I just heard.

No.

I'm okay.

For now.

He is here and is
calling for you.

Me?

Now?

He's here?

- Who are they talking about?
- I do not know.

Sister of Lazarus, may Adonai
comfort you, together with all...

I guess she's gone to
the tomb to weep there.

She ought not be alone.

What's wrong?

The family plot is that way.

Yes, but you said people are
approaching Bethany from Jordan, right?

This is the eastern gate.

Lord.

If you were here, my
brother would not have died.

We sent word.

Why didn't you come?

Why did you wait?

Why?

I will show you why.

Where have you laid him?

Lord, come and see.

Who is this man? Is he
friends with Lazarus?

Is he family?

I've never seen him.

I've never seen him like that.

What did he mean?

"I'll show you why"? Who
was that intended to?

- He said Lazarus wouldn't die from his sickness.
- Shh.

- What is happening here?
- Shh.

What did he mean?

He's healed countless sick people.
He's opened the eyes of the blind.

- Couldn't he have kept Lazarus from dying?
- Stay calm. Okay?

- He's weeping.
- And what are you going to do about it, huh?

- Is he mad at us?
- Both of you, stop asking questions.

We'll just watch.

Okay?

- Come on, brother.
- We should go, Thomas.

Take away the stone.

- What did he say?
- He said, "Take away the stone."

- Was I unclear?
- Lord.

By this time there
will be an odor.

He's been dead for four days.

Martha.

Surely you know that
is a minor matter.

Did I not tell you that if you
believed, you will see the glory of God?

Your only priority in
this moment is faith.

I say to you again,
remove the stone.

Ready? One, two, three.

Come on. Use your legs.

Father.

I thank you that
you have heard me.

I know that you
always hear me...

but I said this on account of
the people standing around,

that they may believe
that you sent me.

"Sent"?

What is he doing?

He already told us
last night. Remember?

He said so that we and many
others might believe in him.

- We already believe in him.
- Not everyone for everything.

Lazarus, come out!

Laz! Lazarus!

Laz!

Unbind him.

Get him out of those wrappings.

Martha?

Yes, brother.

I'm here.

What has happened?

You're...

You're back.

Jesus.

Am I dreaming?

This is no dream.

You just woke up.

I was asleep?

Back in the land of
the living, brother.

Thank you.

I'm sorry it had to be this way,

but also not, because there
is a higher plan in all of it.

I trust you.

Um...

I know you like to keep me humble, but
I am naked underneath these wrappings.

You could use a bath.

And I'm starving.

Don't be so dramatic.
It's only been four days.

Four days?

The longest nap of your life.

Oh! Oh, gentle.

It's real.

The stories of Jesus
of Nazareth are true.

Nazareth?

I have to go back to Jerusalem.

- What is it?
- Jesus of Nazareth.

- You know who that is?
- I've heard his name before.

I have to go back right now.

We have to find
out what happened.

- I think it's clear what just happened.
- But how?

Whoa. Everyone, go back to your
homes. There is no longer a shiva.

Why aren't you telling
people not to share this?

Why did you do this
in front of so many?

Because it's time, Big James.

You'll understand.

This is everything.

Don't you see?

This miracle will bring
everyone together.

I mean, now no one can deny him.

- Thomas.
- It's all right. You'll be all right.

It's all right. Here.

Let's just get you some
water. Get some water.

Have some water.
Here, here, here.

What have you done?

Thomas.

Please. We'll talk.

When?

Soon?

I am tired of all
this "soon" talk.

- Thomas, don't. Not, not here...
- Yes. Right here.

Rabbi, look me in my eyes.

I am.

- I always will.
- That's not an answer!

Why him and not Ramah?

Why not your own cousin
John? This is... It's sick.

Sorry to interrupt, but we need
a word with him immediately.

Our rabbi has things to
attend to. Please, please.

Thomas.

I don't expect you
to understand now.

I don't.

What the Father allows...

what I allow,

in order to bring
about my Father's will,

and the faith and
growth of His church...

it can be crushing for you.

And yes, even for me.

It's too much. It's too
much. I don't understand.

I know...

and that hurts my heart.

But please.

Please stay with me, Thomas.

And you'll understand in time.

What you just did, the miracle,
you made a Sadducee very upset.

Good.

The Sadducee has already
left for Jerusalem.

I know his kind. He
will make trouble.

I imagine he will.

And you don't care?

I do care.

It's why I did this.

Now, I must go be
with our friend.

Thomas. Come on, brother.

Is your strength coming back?

More and more with every minute.

- What about the old aches?
- The click in your knee?

Ah. Still there.

Wouldn't be you without it.

No.

Mm-hm.

Okay. That's enough.

What was it like?

I told you, it was a deep sleep.

You didn't see Eema or Abba? Uncle
Lamech with his creepy one eye?

- Mary!
- He terrified me when I was little.

Remember you used
to call him Cyclops?

- Abba never liked that.
- No.

Said the old Greek
poems were pagan.

I wonder if he will have both
eyes in the resurrection.

If there was only someone
here we could ask.

- Rabbi.
- How are we doing?

He still has the
click in his knee.

- Ah.
- Yes, we are grateful,

but we do have some
ideas for next time.

Well, the Father only grants me
one miracle per person, so...

Oh. Okay.

Uh, may I have a moment
alone with Lazarus?

What are we going to say? "No"?

- Finish that.
- I will.

- Stay warm.
- I will, thank you.

- They take very good care of you.
- It's like having two mothers.

Well, three with yours.

Well, must be nice.

It has its moments.

I almost just said out
loud, "What a day."

Yeah.

That wouldn't quite cover it.

Why are you looking
at me like that?

You're just sitting there.

And?

Look at this place
in total disarray.

And you're not busying
yourself trying to clean it up.

Give me some of that. Hmm?

I wish there was some
way we could repay him.

What do you give to
someone who can...

raise the dead?

And we've heard the stories of him
multiplying loaves and fish in Decapolis.

What could he possibly need?

Well, surely he
doesn't need anything.

Maybe that's the whole point.

So, feeling better?

Understatement.

Well, you certainly look better.

Thank you.

I should think I would look really
refreshed after a four-day nap.

Mm.

Four-day sleep.

But it wasn't really.

I know that.

Why did you do it?

- I should have anticipated you'd have questions.
- I'm serious.

Why me?

It was not so much
"who" as "when."

- I'm glad it was you, of course.
- I don't understand.

I'm out of time, Laz.

This was the last.

"The last" what?

Public sign.

You will do no
more big miracles?

Not this side of...

"This side of"?

- I have a confession.
- You have done no wrong.

Not a confession of sin.

Something to acknowledge
you don't know.

Certainly, there is
no depth to that.

Your sisters, they sent word of your
illness to our lodgings in Perea,

before the end of the feast.

I told them not to do that.

Even so, I did not come
to Bethany right away.

I had something to do, a
sermon to preach in Jerusalem.

- In the Temple?
- Mm-hm.

How'd that go?

Besides the attempted
stoning from the leaders?

- Uh, I thought it was above average.
- Stoning?

I guess you're not
holding back anymore.

No.

I can't.

The time has come.

What they tried yesterday, they
will soon succeed in doing.

The stoning or the arresting?

You will see.

No, no. Hold on. Don't
do that to me again.

Lazarus, please, just listen.

The waiting, the four days that
your sisters grieved and suffered.

- I need you to know it was not out of cruelty...
- I would never think that of you.

But so that the glory of my Father might
be revealed to all in what happened today.

That was painful for me to watch those
of you who suffered through this.

Even more painful to know that it was
necessary for those who witnessed it,

especially my own followers.

But there are those for whom this
will set off a series of events.

Has it not been that way with the
religious leaders since the beginning?

This is different.

They now have firmer
grounds for punishment.

- They're men. They must save face.
- You have become undeniable.

They can't have that.

And my followers
will not understand.

I have told them three times.

It's as if they're
incapable of hearing it.

I myself feel incapable
of hearing it.

What...?

Even after what happened today?

- I'm human.
- So am I.

But, my friend, you
are the Son of God.

I am.

So I don't understand.

Most won't.

To be frustrated is human,

and I am frustrated that my
students are constantly missing it.

And they're forgetting
what I have done.

And I'm angry how
the religious leaders

twist the faith into a
craven theater of pretense.

And I dread...

I dread what is to come.

The cup I must drink to
fulfill my Father's will.

- You're scaring me.
- You've been to the grave...

and you're afraid?

For you.

I love you. I do not
want to see you suffer.

The Son of Man must
suffer many things.

No, I can't hear this.

The prophet Isaiah
gave you many warnings.

Hmm?

Yes.

Yes.

"He was despised and
rejected by men."

"A man of sorrows..."

"Acquainted with grief."

They were just...

words on a scroll.

Now that they are about you,

flesh and blood...

it's another story.

A story nearing its end.

Why don't you sit down?

Stop tell me to calm down. I am
tired of you telling me to trust him.

I'm not going to
trust him anymore.

- This is not the time...
- You saw what he did!

- Keep your voice down.
- All of you saw what he did.

- Have a seat...
- No. Why don't you sit down?

I'm going to stand. Look
what happened to your head.

- Look what happened to Peter.
- Thomas...

- You all saw it!
- Do you have to go out to them?

Don't touch me. I'm
not doing this anymore.

I'll discuss everything in
detail at the Passover dinner.

I ask him for one
thing! One thing!

Nothing will be left unsaid.

As for the heartbroken, he cannot
accept my love or words tonight.

- Don't touch me. I won't calm down.
- His brothers will carry him.

- See the bigger picture.
- There is no bigger picture here!

Come. Let's get you
something to eat.

I'm not going to sleep on it,
okay? I'm not tired. Stop it.

Thomas, I'm just... No!
Don't, don't, don't!

- You'll have to replace that.
- Yeah, Matthew? Why?

Because when Lazarus loses something,
he deserves to have it restored?

- When other people lose...
- It's the polite thing to do.

The polite thing to do is not
break the jar in the first place.

- I am done with polite. I am done with all of it.
- You don't mean that.

Tell me what I mean, Andrew.

Look, you're hurting. We get it.

No, you don't.

If you did, you'd be
as offended as I am.

Thomas, there is no use putting
suffering on a scale and weighing it.

What happened today should make
us all more united than ever.

We need to set aside our personal grievances and
be prepared for things to change in a big way.

Wait, wait, wait.

He doesn't mean you.
He didn't say that.

Don't worry. Let's just
take a moment, all right?

I hate what he's
going through. I do.

But think about what happened today. Dozens
of mourners saw it with their own eyes.

The religious leaders, they'll
finally have to admit who he truly is,

and they'll work with him to
unify us against our oppressors.

This is one of the greatest days
in the history of our people!

I agree. We just need to be
more sensitive around him.

The Jerusalem religious leaders don't like it
when anyone is more powerful than them, Judas.

Hmm. I'm not sure this moment
means what you think it does.

If they don't like him, he can snuff
them out like a lamp with a single word.

- That's all it would take.
- I'm still wondering about that myself.

- What?
- "With a word."

Why didn't Jesus just speak healing from
a distance, the way he did for Gaius' son?

He wanted us to see.

To see the stone rolled away...

to see Lazarus walk out of
the tomb with burial strips.

He also wants us to participate.

He could have rolled the stone
and unwrapped Laz with a word too.

He told us last night.
"That we might believe."

It certainly worked for me.

If Jerusalem hears this and believes,
could this be the beginning of the army?

When has he said anything
about an army? Ever?

He threw away my dagger.

I'm sorry, but some of
you are thinking too...

Look, the time for restraint
and modesty has passed.

He has asked nothing from us but
to come with him and to observe.

- Why are we discussing anything beyond that?
- Because we could lose Thomas over this.

Look, he told us yesterday...

no one and nothing could
snatch us from his hand.

Well, he said that
of his "true sheep."

Those who hear his
voice and believe.

Maybe Thomas isn't one
of the "true sheep"?

Has the devil gotten into you?

- How dare you?
- Take it back.

- Everyone, please!
- I said, take it back!

Do not dishonor Jesus
by acting this way.

She's right.

Look, the hour is late.

A lot has happened in the last
two days. Let's just rest.

Yeah, you know, I am
sorry. Truly, I...

No. I'm sorry! Truly. That's
not how... how I meant it.

I love Thomas. I'm just...

I'm just excited. I don't...

James. James. Little James!

- Are you all right?
- I'm all right. I'm fine, I'm fine.

Hey, hey.

- It's been coming in waves, the pangs.
- From the fight yesterday?

His pain was already getting
worse before the attack.

Thomas has a point.

Why everyone and everything
else, but not Little James?

I don't want to talk
about me tonight.

I think we just need to listen to
what Peter said and get some rest.

How can you, in this condition?

That's between me and God.

As should be most of the things that
people have been arguing about tonight.

- We want you to be okay.
- Thank you.

But standing around and watching
won't do anything about it.

Mary and Martha have prepared our
rooms, the same ones we had last time.

They won't sleep until we do.

It's disrespectful to keep
them up late like this.

She's right.

I'm going. Philip, Nathanael, we
were in the same room last time.

Let's go.

- What about...?
- I'll stay with him until it passes.

I just need a few minutes.

Go ahead. We'll be up.

Nathanael. Hmm.

Peter and I can collect
John and Thomas.

Adonai in heaven knows
it'll take all three of us.

Little James, you
sure you're all right?

- We've got him. It'll be okay.
- Thank you, Matthew.

- I just need to sit.
- There we go. I got him. Hold on.

- I got you. I got you.
- Come here.

Thank you.

I guess you got your answer.

What?

We won't sit shiva.

Not tonight.

But I still feel grief.

I feel it too.

I think that's because
Judas was right.

This was his biggest
public sign yet.

We no longer have to wonder or
guess about when "soon" will be.

The more I read the Songs of David, the
more I felt the need to write one of my own.

Please just know that whatever this
is going to be, it's not finished.

You so rarely let
people into your mind.

The times you did, I
was always grateful.

"Darkness is not the
absence of light."

That would be too simple.

It is more uncontrollable
and sinister.

Not a place, but a void.

I was there once.

More than once.

And although I could
not see or hear you,

you were there.

Waiting.

Because the darkness
is not dark to you.

At least, not always.

You wept...

not because your
friend was dead...

but because soon you would be.

And because we couldn't
understand it...

or didn't want to, or both.

The coming darkness was
too deep for us to grasp.

But, then, so is the light.

One had to come
before the other.

It was always that way with you.

It still is.

Tears fell from your
eyes, and then ours,

before every light in
the world went out.

And time itself wanted
to die with you.

I go back to that
place sometimes,

or rather, it comes
back to me uninvited.

The night that was eternal...

until it wasn't.

Bitter, and then sweet...

but somehow the bitter remained in
the sweet and has never gone away.

You told us it
would be like that.

Not with your words,
but with how you lived.

The man of sorrows,
acquainted with grief.

That grief wasn't what
we wanted to see...

so we tried to look away, and in so
doing fulfilled your very essence.

'One from whom people
hide their faces.'

But soon we couldn't hide from it any more
than we could stop the sun from setting.

Or rising.

I remember you wishing
there could be another way.

And looking back, I do too.

I still don't know why
it has to be this way.

The bitter often
mingled with the sweet.

Maybe I never will.

"At least, not this side of..."