All language subtitles for Fantasmas.S01E02.480p.x264-RUBiK[EZTVx.to]

And now...
a Vanesja moment.

I used to do this piece
where I'd go to restaurants

and pretend I got stood up.

Ugh.

I'd get my dinner for free,

and then I'd leave.

Sorry.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

But that night,

maybe it was the wine,

maybe it was the moon,

but I was so taken
by the waiter.

Hello.

Hey, what's up?

You're clumsy.

I was leaving his dorm
in the morning

when I noticed it
for the first time.

A puzzling discovery.

An empty Gatorade bottle.

Soon, I'd learn that
all young, straight men

are obsessed with collecting
these in their bedroom.

Then I was at a completely
different restaurant,

served by
a totally different waiter,

yet something felt familiar.

No matter what restaurant,

what waiter,

what dorm--

same symbol.

Tell me about this piece
right here.

What do you mean?

This altar.

The bottles.

Oh, it's whatever.

It's clearly not "whatever."

It was as if they made a pact.

Why won't you tell me
about the bottles?

It's just, like,
with everything going on

with midterms right now,

I think I'm gonna
have to switch advisors.

Definitely
if I want to go abroad.

Right.

Were they meant
to represent possibilities?

Potential?

How's everything tasting?

Nice.

Perhaps it wasn't
for me to understand.

Perhaps their obtuseness
was a way of saying,

"Stay out of this, Vanesja.

"You have your life,
your career,

"beautiful clothes.

We--we have this."

Oh, OK.

Uh, let me get a rag for that.

Thank you.

Oh, OK, so--so--so wait.

Sorry, what about that?

This mole thingy
is not the issue.

It's just a vessel
for the issue.

And--I lost it.

Whatever.

The point is,
your problem is not a mole.

It's that you need
proof of existence

for an apartment.

By the way,
I just got to your place.

Not to be vulgar,
but you're out of toilet paper.

Hello?

- Welcome.
- Uh, hi. Hi. Hello.

- Hi. Hello, hello.
- Hi, hi, hi.

Hi.

Uh, I'm Julio.
I'm an Aquarius.

I got struck by lightning
when I was a child,

and now I see the world
a little differently,

and I'm allergic
to the color yellow.

90 seconds remaining.

OK.

Um, I--I'm here because this--

this mole has--has, uh, grown.

Mm.

No, it hasn't.

It's a birthmark.

No, it--it--it has.

It's grown.

Yeah,
I really don't think so.

I don't want to get sued
by an insurance company.

I'm just gonna tell him
it's fine.

OK, you don't--

you don't--you don't think so.

But--but that--
that means that--

that it could have happened.

Well, it does not
look suspicious to me.

Right, but you wouldn't
be able to tell

if it's suspicious or not
unless you get a biopsy, right?

So--so--so you see what I mean?

- Like--
- I see.

- Instead of wasting time--
- 30 seconds remaining.

Your time, my time--

maybe we can just go ahead
and order a biopsy.

If this were
actually something,

you'd be in the, like,
0.0000000000...

20 seconds remaining.

0000000001% of cases.

That's me, is the thing.

Have you been measuring it?

Are you sure it's grown?

Yes.

Because it was
the exact same size

as an earring that I lost
at a--at a, um--

like, a queer rave.

So if I find it, I could--

I could--I can prove to you
that it's--that--

that I know--

I know we're
running out of time,

but I can prove to you
that it's--it's grown.

And--and we can biopsy this
and--and treat me.

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Sure.

Good luck with that,
patient in exam room five.

Next!

Thank you for choosing us.

Remember to take
all your belongings.

The little oyster
must be at the club.

Ugh, OK, so it's not here.

I mean, how small was it?

Well, OK.

Think of the smallest thing
you can think of.

OK.

Smaller than that.

Yay! It's Bibo!

What, Bibo?
I'm busy.

You need to find
an apartment

before they kick you out.

I called Mona.

She's waiting for you.

Bye-bye.

Look at this beauty.

She comes with keys
to the mailbox.

Washer, dryer.

Um, there are family nights
in the movie lounge,

Kiehl's discounts, as well
as many other exclusive perks

that are available for your
convenience on the website.

I don't like it.

- You don't like it?
- No.

I--I don't want my life

to revolve around,
um, uh, perks.

Do you have anything
a little bit more unique,

like in a clock tower
or, like, through a well?

This place has
a really special energy.

I think you should apply.

You just have to show them
proof.

I don't have proof ID.

No? Why?

Well, I--I--
because I don't--

I don't believe in it.

That's very cool.

Bonjour.

It's me.

I'm back in the big city.

I thought it'd be a shame if
I missed my favorite senator.

Our usual spot?

Same time?

Ciao.

Julio, did you get
an apartment?

No, of course
I didn't get the apartment.

Everyone's asking
for that fucking thing.

Is your password
still SoyDonnieDarko?

I know everything.

So this is it?

It's just, like, a website
that I fill out?

I believe so.

But they--they're--

I mean, they're asking
for stuff that, like--

How would I even, like--

first name, last name?

You know this, baby.

Yeah.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Don't you think
I should be focusing on

finding the oyster
so I can prove that

the mole has grown
and get a biopsy?

That's probably
what I should be doing.

Ugh.

I know I lost it at the venue.

I'm so sure I did.

I just don't know how or--

Wait.

I was dancing with
that little influencer.

That's it.

I need to pump
his little stomach.

Julio!

I'll go find him right now

and take him
to the urgent care.

Ugh.

Tell Bibo
chili night is canceled.

I'm busy.

Welcome back
to "Court TV Live,"

where we are about
to hear testimony.

Girl, I am gagging
at this trial right now.

Please tell me you know
what is going on right now.

Child, this elf Dodo
is my hero.

He's suing Santa
for unpaid labor.

Mm-mm.

It's getting
a little messy too.

No shade.

What was your understanding

of your agreement
with Mr. Claus?

Uh, I heard him--

Mr. Claus--say--

Objection.

Hearsay.

Sustained.

I remember--

my understanding was

that we all--

the elves, the reindeer,
Santa himself--

we do it for
the love of Christmas.

But that really
wasn't the case, was it?

Because you noticed Mr. Claus
benefiting from your work.

That's right.

So Santa doesn't
get paid, per se,

but he gets deals
with Coca-Cola, mall gigs,

movies, touring.

Not to mention,
he gets milk and cookies

just for being who he is.

Dodo got Santa by the balls,
if you ask me.

Mm-hmm.

I'm Team Dodo, no shade.

Santa got nothing on him.

I mean, people really
talking about this, though.

Girl, tell me why
my landlord came up to me

talking about some,

"Oh, the elves are trying
to cancel Christmas."

What? Girl, who says that?

On some da-da-da-da-da.

Oh, if the elves wanted
to get paid,

they should just deliver
the presents themselves.

But who got
the key to the sled?

Santa.

Exactly.
That's why I was saying.

I love somebody who stands up
for what they believe in,

and Dodo be doing that,
you know what I'm saying?

And not only is he doing it,

but he's doing it and doing it
and doing it well.

Wow.
Hi, little consumers!

I just moved into the Bank
of America Residencies,

and the building is
completely empty.

It is just me and the bestie,
bestie-turned-neighbor, Gina.

- Please don't come kill us.
- Where you going?

- I get it.
- Chester!

Drive!

Oh, my bad!

Girl, they saw me coming.

They was gonna stop anyway.

Oh, yeah, OK.

Yeah, keep walking.

Wait, what?

There's no emoji for, "Hey,
not accusing you of anything,

but I think you
swallowed my oyster"?

Ugh, these are not
the emojis I need.

What I need is an emoji
that is a garden

filled with broken statues,

each representing
one of my exes.

That's for when someone
texts me asking,

"Hey, who's at the club?"

An emoji that is
one of the spoons

from "Beauty and the Beast"

finally getting turned
back into a human

but then realizing
he's still a servant.

Oh, I see.

That's for when you get
a promotion at work.

Grapes, sir?

An emoji of an orange

that contoured itself
to look like a peach.

You can use that
when you text,

"Hey, I'm just getting ready."

An emoji
of the planet Jupiter,

shocked when he realizes
that scientists have been

referring to him
as a gas giant.

That's for when someone
accidentally

texts something about you
to you.

An emoji of me sitting
at the urgent care,

and the nurses recognizing me
and going,

"Not this bitch again."

Uh, gender?

Gay.

Any, uh, history
of colon cancer?

Ew.

You nasty.

Uh, any prescriptions?

Uppers.

Skyler?

That's me.

- Room 4.
- That's you.

Oh.

There's an issue
with this paperwork.

Sir, like I told you,

I simply cannot
process this claim

because there is no way
of verifying that

the card belongs
to the patient.

But the card belongs
to the patient.

Who else would the card
belong to?

Sir, like I said,
there is a discrepancy

on the information
you are giving me

and the information that we
have on file for said patient.

Yes, but that's because
what you have on file

is that he was born on 24/08,
which is clearly a typo.

There's no 24th month.

Oh, by the way,

if it helps,
I'm smiling warmly.

I'm sorry,
but rules are rules.

Rules are rules.

Assembly Plan Insurance.

How can I help you today?

What do you mean?

This is the 10th time
I've called.

As a loyal insurance
customer service rep,

there's nothing
that excited me more than

when a valued customer gets...

What do you mean
there's nothing you can do?

Agitated.

That's the power
of working in insurance.

They can kick.

They can scream.

Hell, they can be right,
and I can know it.

But I am a soldier
for the company,

a defender of the rules.

Assembly Plan Insurance is
the company,

and I am his sword.

I'm sorry.

There's simply
nothing I can do.

- What do you mean, an hour?
- Nothing you can do?

However, you are
a valued customer.

I began toying with them
by saying,

"How can I help you today?"

But there are disloyal
soldiers in our ranks.

Sometimes it's just like,

why can't we just apologize
and help these people?

But, like, don't yell at me.

It's not my fault
Assembly Plan sucks.

You don't mean to insinuate

Assembly Plan does not
value our customers?

It's a fucked-up system.

It's a flawless system.

Designed by flawless minds
and entrusted to us.

God, I love insurance

and banks and credit cards

and the military,
law, and order.

I pity those
who do not stand behind us.

Well, now that I'm manager,

we'll try and be a little
more human with the customer.

Nice!

Yeah!

Manager?

Did she say manager?

I have been working here
for seven years,

and the president's daughter
gets promoted?

Does she even care
about Assembly Plan?

About our rules, our customs,
our way of life?

Assembly Plan wouldn't
betray me like that.

What?

I'm manager now.

It'll be an honor
to serve you.

Hmm.

This cannot be.

They must pay.

I'm not a sword.

I'm a brick.

A brick on the grand wall
of Assembly Plan.

They don't care about me.

If they don't care about me,
just like

they don't care about
valued customers, then fine.

Fine!

Anarchy shall reign.

I will burn it all
to the ground.

I will scorch the earth.

I will use the computer
for personal use!

I will take my vacation days
for a year from now

and not alert my supervisor
till 10 months before!

I need to feel.

What have I done?

What have I done?
Assembly Plan needs me.

Be reasonable, Becca.

You can undo this.

What?

Why won't it let me?

Why won't it let me?

Hello?

Hi.
How can I help you today?

I booked a flight
on your airline,

and I think
I need to cancel it.

Uh, mind your tone.

- May I have your unique...
- My tone?

Reference number, ma'am?

- My what?
- Your unique reference number.

- My reference?
- Go ahead.

No, you go ahead.

The number, ma'am.

You want my unique
reference number?

Yes.

How can I trust you
with that?

Give it to me, Becca.

- You want it?
- I need it.

X.

Yes.

4.

Yes.

A.

As in Apple?

Yes.

J.

3.

Yes.

3.

Yeah.

- 3.
- Yes.

3.

Yes.

9.

I cannot cancel it.

Why?

- It cannot be canceled.
- Why?

The rules.

They state I can cancel
within 24 hours.

You bought it
through a third-party site.

That says I should call you.

So we can tell you that.

That's nasty.

Watch your tone.

That's nasty!

My hands are tied.

You tied them.

I cannot help you.

I will not help you.

But rest assured...

- Say it.
- Say what?

What am I?

You are a...

valued...

customer.

And don't forget to rate us
after this call.

Mm.

I'm sorry,
but rules are rules.

However, you are
a valued customer.

Oh, I have to go.

Sorry. Hi.

Hi. How'd it go?

I don't have any diamonds
in my tummy.

That's not the answer
we were hoping for.

The X-rays don't show
anything abnormal.

His esophagus shows no lesions,
which it would

if he had swallowed an earring.

- No lesions in the esophagus?
- None.

That's a shock to both of us.

I'm sorry.
That was inappropriate.

I'm just in a bad mood.

Um, OK.

And now you need
to let go of this.

- OK.
- OK.

- You're right.
- Mm-hmm.

I'll just find the oyster

and prove to you
that my mole has grown.

Mm-hmm.

Hi, consumers.

So today is Bi Visibility Day.

And to celebrate all the bis
around the world,

I have teamed up with Clorox,

the all-gender-inclusive
germ killer.

Hi, consumers.

So today is Bi Visibility Day.

And to celebrate all the bis
around the world,

I have teamed up with Clorox,

the all-gender--

Gina?

Gina.

What?

Can I borrow your charger?

What's wrong?

What the fuck do you care?

I've been a wreck all week.

Charles left me.

What?

I have to move out.

And I don't even know
where to start,

and I can't get this fucking
Tibetan Kabbalah

whatever string off he gave me!

Wait, wait.

Why do you have to move out?

Because he pays
for everything, genius!

Oh, that's so fucked up!

I'm gonna ask
if I can post about this.

This is, like,
cancelable stuff.

For what?

Grooming.

Grooming?

I'm 32.

That's the whole
fucking problem!

I knew I shouldn't have eaten
all of that pasta.

But he took me to Italy,

and I just kept eating
and eating and eating.

And then I'd come home
and I'd Peloton to death,

and then I can't even show off
the new tits I got for him,

which--guess what.

Too fake!

Natural is in!

So then I push them down

so that they can
fall naturally.

And it's like, for what?

You know, who am I?

Babe, you're beautiful.

And I know exactly
what you're going through.

I've been there.

I've been... there.

Yeah.

You will.

No, like, I've been there.

Like, all men are trash.

That's not what I mean.

What are you gonna do
when all of this ends, huh?

What is "all of this"?

You think you can just live

off of moving
your tight little body

and sticking your tongue out
for forever?

Well, TikTok is really
just like a stepping stone.

Stepping stone to what?

My brand.

Of what?

Lifestyle.

I told you!

Right.

So those perfume bottles
you draw in that empty notebook

you bring to Fire Island
every year?

They're throwing money
at you right now.

They're paying for you to live
in a nice apartment for a year.

Celebrities pay you
to pretend to be their friends,

all because they want
young people to want them.

And your little consumers
are young people for now.

But, you know, you'll age.

And then your little
consumers will age.

And then those people
will get old,

and then a new crop of little
sheep will just pop up,

and they'll have
their own style.

And I know you're
probably thinking,

but what about
my acting career?

That's not it.
My acting career.

Sure.
You know, go for it.

But do it fast.

You won't be young forever.

You're insane.

Come on.

Thanks.

No problem, no problem.

Hey, um, do you think
I'll ever, like, be over?

Like, fall off?

Nah, boss.

Look, I love the new TikTok.

Come on.

Thanks.

Um, which one?

Yeah, this is good.

Yeah, which one?

Oh, no, this is--
this is that new app, RealUs.

My baby niece showed it to me.

All her friends on it.

Yo, it's so fun--
are you on it?

No.

Should I be?

I don't know.

Nah, you know,

everybody on it
is in, like, middle school.

That's, like, right before
high school, right?

Huh?

It's good, though.

Vine.

What?

Ask them what happened
to Vine and MySpace.

Who's there?

Hello?

Hello?

Cheap charger.

Skyler.

It is I, that who gives
and that who takes.

Hi, algorithm.

Skyler, my dear Skyler.

What were you doing?

I was trying to make
a profile on that new app.

And why would you be
doing that, my dear?

We need you on your app
with those your age.

They listen to you.

OK, but how long are they
going to care?

Are you not grateful for
the gifts we've given to you?

Are you not grateful for
the gifts of the algorithm?

OK, I am.

But, like,
what if TikTok disappears?

Or--or what if it becomes
something that I'm not?

You are but stardust,
my dear.

A drop in gray tides,
your skills nontransferable.

And no, none of these
brands will care.

You're a building block
in a never-ending tower.

I'll be honest
with my followers.

Hmm?

I'll leave it all behind
if I have to.

They already
left you behind.

Hi, my little consumers.

It's me, Skyler.

No.

Ah! We love you, Skyler.

You have such nice--

OMG, shoot me!

He's so hot!

Oh, your comments
are so sweet.

And I'm so humbled
by all the love.

Goodbye, Skyler.

Hi, my little consumers.

I've teamed up
with Dark Water,

this new company
that sells super soft--

Sir, like we told you,

we cannot biopsy
without a referral.

OK, see, that's a--
that's a problem,

because I've spoken to seven
different doctors...

- Julio...
- And I'm starting--

When was the last time
you got laid?

Bibo!
Who taught you that?

When was the last time
you came?

Bibo!

Maybe Bibo's right.

I need to let this go
and live my life.

OK.

Be a person, be a human,
be a happy, happy--

Are you tired of all this?

Huh.

Why not give it up

and allow yourself
to be happy?

It's--OK.

Free yourself from
the burden of having a body.

No body, no pain.

Learn about our
incorporeal services

and upload yourself today.