Original subtitles

Hi, Carl. Where's Laura?

She's at the library.

That's okay. I'll talk to her later.

- You're not gonna eat that, are you, Carl? - What's that supposed to mean?

Do you know what's in that baby?

Guar gum, Red Dye Number 5...

and enough cholesterol to clog up your arteries...

like a drain full of greasy hair.

Once again, you've come between me...

and the things that I love.

Works every time.

And now we're over St. Louis. Drrrrr.

Now we see Chicago. Nrrrrrr.

Carl, the baby just ate.

Uh-oh. Emergency landing. Emergency landing.

I could never play airplane with your Uncle Carl.

He was a 747 from the day he was born.

As I recall, Mama...

I was a normal 10 pounds, 5 ounces of pure joy.

Uh-huh. And as I recall, you were 36 hours of hard labor.

He's still a wide body, but it's all first class.

Mama? Harriette and I are finally gonna get

a chance to go to dinner and a movie alone.

Well, don't go to one of them slasher movies.

You know how they give you nightmares.

You got that right.

Every time he sees one, he sleeps with the nightlight on.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Carl, it's got a 200-watt bulb.

- He will not. - Will to.

Laura, there's no way.

Michael is to gonna ask me out.

There's no way he's gonna ask you out.

And do you know why?

Because you're a geek.

Oh, geek. That's a new word for you. Can you spell it?

I could if I wanted to.

There's our ride.

- Have fun, girls. - Hey, and you two try to get some sleep.

Dad, it's a slumber party.

Why would anybody sleep?

All right. Be good.

Remember to say please and thank you. Laura, don't cut your sister's hair.

Okay, Mom.

- Bye. - Bye, baby.

Harriette, tonight is gonna be great.

First a movie...

then a romantic dinner at Chez Josephine.

They're holding our table.

And then home.

Oh, I love it when the kids go on sleepovers.

Oh, yeah.

So let's hurry and go so we can hurry back.

Yeah.

Hello?

Oh, yes, she's here. Hold on.

Rachel! Telephone!

It's that guy from the choir.

He's never gonna give up. Last Sunday, he asked her out.

Rachel!

Maybe she'll start going out with him instead of tagging along behind us.

Okay, okay, I'm coming.

- Alan Smith. - Oh.

Give that...

Hello? Oh, hi, Alan.

A movie? Oh, no, I can't. I've got a million things to do tonight.

Yeah. Thanks for asking, though.

- Okay. Bye. - Well, good night, Rachel.

- Where are you going? - Oh, just to a movie.

I'd love to go to a movie.

I've got nothing to do.

I'll just ask Mother Winslow if she'll watch little Richie.

Harriette. Now, you know I love your sister.

I cannot remember the last time you and I went out by ourselves.

Rachel always wants to come with us.

Well, you're the one who didn't want her sitting home alone.

I know how hard it was for her losing her husband...

but it's been almost a year and a half.

At some point, she's got to start going out with other people. Anybody other than us.

I know, but I'm not gonna push her.

A little push is not such a bad thing and that Alan seems like a really great guy.

Who's a great guy?

Uh, Eddie Murphy.

We were trying to decide whether to see a comedy or a love story.

Oh, well, I'm always up for romance.

So was I.

I mean, did we have fun or what?

And I am so glad we got our table.

Yeah, another great family outing.

Just the three of us.

Well, look, I'm gonna go upstairs and check on Richie.

Thanks again, guys.

You know, Harriette, I've had better dates.

Carl, it wasn't that bad.

It was terrible!

She not only ruined our romantic dinner...

she sat right between us at the movies.

And if there's one thing I hate, it's three hands in my popcorn tub.

Carl, two of them were yours.

We gotta talk to her, Harriette.

I know, but it's not exactly an easy thing to talk about.

I don't know if I can do it.

Well, then let me do it. After all, I am a cop.

Being tactful is part of my job.

Let's deal with it tomorrow.

- Tonight is ours. - Yeah.

Well, Richie's sound asleep and guess what's on TV.

The Elephant Man.

I love that movie.

All right, that's it, Rachel. That's it. We have got to talk.

This is bad news, isn't it?

No, no, no. It's just a tiny little thing barely worth mentioning.

Rachel, you gotta start dating again. You're driving us nuts.

Thank you, Officer Tact.

Are you trying to tell me that I'm in the way?

No, Rachel. We're concerned about you. You ought to start seeing other people.

Single men-type people.

Well, for your information, I plan to start dating again.

Any idea when that might be?

Not that we're pushing you.

Well...

there's nobody I'm interested in dating right now.

Well, what about Alan?

Yeah, he's definitely interested.

And at choir practice, he's always holding your hymnal.

Yeah.

Well, look...

if it means so much to you for me to date...

then the next time Alan calls, I'll say yes, okay?

Well, that's great. Thanks.

Right now, I have a date with The Elephant Man.

- Good night. - Night.

Are you sure you're not the Alan Smith who sings with the First Baptist Choir?

No?

Well, sorry. You don't win anything, but thanks for playing our game.

Carl, stop this foolishness. Alan will call when he's ready.

Harriette, it's been almost a week. I'm telling you, he's given up.

The man needs a little encouragement.

Hi.

Hi. HARRIETTE: Hi.

You know...

I hate to brag, but we are in the best shape of our lives.

I can't believe you make little Richie work out.

Oh, honey, are you kidding? This boy loves gym class. Watch this.

Motorboat, motorboat Oh, so slow

Motorboat, motorboat Oh, so fast

Motorboat, motorboat Put on the gas

Okay, let's cool down.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi. How are you? Uh-huh.

Hold on.

- It's Alan. - Alan?

Thank you.

Yes.

It's Alan. It's Alan. It's Alan.

Hi, Alan.

I'm fine. How are you?

Oh, I'd love to, but...

Okay. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Right.

Bye.

What did he say?

We're going out to dinner on Tuesday.

That's great.

Yeah, great.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. It's just a date.

I'm gonna take the baby upstairs for his bottle.

I know, I know. I forgot something.

When do you think she'll notice she forgot the baby?

I think she'll notice when she tries to burp the bag.

What do you think?

It looks perfect.

No, it's too sexy.

I don't want him to think I'm sexy.

Is it okay if he thinks you're a woman?

Not on the first date.

Honey, relax.

Harriette... it's been too long.

What do people do on dates now?

They do what they've always done.

Oh, Harriette, that's not good.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

Rachel, you're just having dinner with him.

All you have to do is eat and talk.

Just try not to do both of them at the same time.

A pair of fours.

Read them and weep.

Not so fast, slick.

Full house, queens on the roof.

But that's impossible.

- You didn't draw any face cards. - How would you know?

I assumed.

Dad, Eddie's been cheating. He's using a marked deck.

Well, it's not helping him much.

That's Aunt Rachel's date.

Put away those poker chips. It looks like a casino in here.

This chair is for company.

Alan, come on in, come on in. Good to see you.

- You remember Eddie and Laura? - Of course.

Hi, Alan. How about a little poker?

Five-card stud? Lowball? Klondike? What's your pleasure?

Laura, why don't you go tell your Aunt Rachel that her date is here.

Come on in. Rachel will be right down.

So where are you young people going tonight?

We're having dinner at Chez Josephine.

That's my favorite place. They love me there.

Mention my name. It's the only way you'll get a table.

Thanks, but my family owns the place.

You look terrific.

Fantastic.

This is definitely the one.

Yellow is the perfect color for you.

You know, I think you're right.

I love this dress.

- He's here. - I hate this dress.

What are you talking about?

- I look terrible. - You look beautiful.

I look like a banana.

- No, you don't. - Well, she does a little bit.

Laura, your Aunt Rachel is a little nervous. She needs a few more minutes.

Now, go down and stall Alan and don't tell anybody.

She looks like she's losing it to me, Mom.

Go, go, go.

She'll be right down.

- Dad, can I speak to you for a minute? - Oh, excuse us.

Aunt Rachel's getting cold feet.

I think this guy's as good as stood up.

- You want me to break the news? - No.

You stall while I go figure out what's going on.

Is there something wrong with Rachel?

No. You know women. They're like doctors.

They like to keep you waiting, then they cost you an arm and a leg.

You know, doctors, waiting rooms, you know?

As a matter of fact, I do.

I am a doctor.

Allan, why don't you get to know the kids. I'll go check on her.

I'll fix you a snack. You're gonna be here a while.

Wanna see a magic trick?

Say no. He couldn't pull a rabbit out of a hutch.

She's just jealous because I'm so good.

Pick a card, any card.

Okay.

Your card is...

- two of hearts. - No.

No?

Okay.

- Two of diamonds. - Afraid not.

- Uh, two of spades? - No.

- Two of clubs? - No.

It's not a two, right?

You are good.

Well, maybe.

No maybe about it. That's the one. It's you.

No. It's just not right.

Okay, Rachel, I've had it.

You've tried on every dress you own, plus two of mine...

plus the one Carl wears when he works undercover.

I can't do it, okay? I just can't go on this date.

You're not going?

We left Alan down there with our kids. He deserves something.

Are you sure it's not the nine of hearts?

I wish it was.

Face it, Houdini. You stink.

We did it. We broke the record.

- Hello, Alan. - Hi, Mrs. Winslow.

We sold 232 boxes of cookies in one afternoon.

Congratulations.

Oh, it was nothing.

You know, they can say no to a little old girl or no to a little old lady...

but the combination gets them every time.

Oh, Alan, are you here to pick up Rachel?

Yes, but she's still upstairs. I hope everything's all right.

I'll go see what's keeping her.

Okay. All right. I got it. I got it.

It's the six of clubs.

It's the eight of diamonds.

That's it.

Rachel, couldn't you just go down and sit in the car?

I'm sure once the night air hits you, you'll be fine.

Carl, take it like a man. She's not going.

But, Harriette, the man owns a restaurant.

How can I say this tactfully? Go.

Mama, Rachel will not go on her date.

Will you please tell her she's got to go on her date?

- Let me talk to her. - Fine.

I mean alone.

Excuse us.

Mother Winslow, I am so embarrassed.

That poor man has been sitting downstairs all this time.

Oh, honey, he'll be all right.

What really matters is how you feel.

Well, I was fine until he got here and then I just panicked.

I don't know what it is.

I do.

It's that the man waiting downstairs for you is not your husband, Robert.

I wish it was.

I know.

You know, it's just so strange.

I mean, you meet a man and you fall in love and get married.

And everything is perfect.

You get to where you know what he's gonna say before he even says it.

And you laugh at the same things.

You even know which way he's gonna turn in his sleep.

I know, sugar, I know.

And you think...

it's never gonna change.

But then it does...

and everybody keeps telling you you've gotta start over.

But starting over is so hard.

Rachel, I know what you're going through.

I still think of my Sam every day of my life.

Even after all these years?

He was a wonderful man...

and I'll always love him.

And you will always love Robert.

But I had to move on.

And so do you, honey.

Well, I'd like to do that...

but I just...

I don't... I can't explain what I feel.

You feel guilty.

Yeah, I guess I do.

Rachel...

you haven't done anything to feel guilty about.

And going out again is exactly what Robert would want you to do.

You really think so?

I think he'd want you to go on with your life, honey.

How do I do that?

There's a nice young man waiting downstairs for you.

Yeah, how do you know so much about this stuff?

I mean, you didn't even date after your husband died.

What makes you think that?

Carl never mentioned anybody.

I don't tell Carl everything.

He'd have a fit if he knew his mother was a party animal.

Stop in the name of love

Before you break my heart Think it over

Think it over

Stop

Thank you, thank you. And for our next number, we'd like to do...

"Proud Mary."

Sing "Melancholy Baby."

We don't know that one.

I was counting on that.

Whoa.

Hi, Alan.

I'm really sorry I kept you waiting so long.

It was worth it.

You look terrific.

Thank you.

What do we do now?

How about dinner?

Sounds like a great idea.

Would you mind?

We are going alone, aren't we?

Yes, I think we'll have more fun that way.

Thank you, all...

for a fascinating evening.

- Shall we? - We sure shall.

Enjoy yourselves. - I will.

Bring home a doggy bag.

Have fun, you two.

Bye. Thanks.

Well, since we're all here, hit it, Judy.

Big wheels keep on turnin'

Proud Mary keep on burnin'

~Rollin' ~Rollin'

~Rollin' ~Rollin'

Alone at last.

- My, how I do love this porch. - Me too.

But I love it more when it's above 40 degrees.

Well, now, that's the best part.

You need me to keep you warm.

I need you for everything.

Hello there.

- Hi. - Hi.

I just wanted to let you guys know I was home.

So how did it go with Alan?

It went fine.

So are we gonna see him again?

Maybe.

- Go on. - Oh, you go on.

Carl, there are certain things a woman likes to keep private.

I just wanted to say thanks.

Good night.

Don't worry. I'll get all the details for you later.