All language subtitles for Best Fake Friends (2016) 1080p

How do you survive the pressure to fit in?

You adapt.

Or you lie.

But all the lies can come in a cost.

Especially when you give up everything for someone else`s dream.

(Car horn)

(Music)

No! Like the boxes that says master that goes into master bedroom and the one that says Ryan's room is that one right there.

I have to go to the office, babe... unless you need me here?

That's it?

What?

Aw, shit that's great get us fired... perfect.

Ryan, no, can you that somewhere else, do it in the backyard, please, it`s not funny.

Ryan, you're so goddamn annoying!

Are you kidding with this guy!?

It's his first day.

But what, maybe we don't have his first day at my house.

If anything is broken I'm gonna kill you.

Em? Emily Grace!

You could, you know, put your phone down and I don't know... help out?

This is being helpful? This is what you do? This is...

(Music)

Hi! Hi, gosh it's so good to see you, oh, you have got to tell us about your Paris get away.

Heidi I'm not gonna bore the girls with that.

Awesome.

Hey, mom I'm taking off, later.
-Wait, Em, do you know where you're going?

Mom, please, just don't be embarrassing. I'll find my own way. Just...

Pick me up at 3 at the pick up circle. Do not come in!

My class is down here.

See ya mom.

Bye love, have fun!

Class is down there.

Okay, everyone knows where they're going.

I just, I got divorced.

Obviously.
- I might`ve heard that.

I know, I know and guess who got the house.

Hello.

(Laughter)

So like he would get the house.

No he didn't make the babies.

No, and then got to be this.

Right... Oh my god, it is so good to see you.

Hi I'm Joy.

Do you wanna grab a coffee? We can just catch up on everything I feel like I have to tell you so much.

Definitely.

Probably someone's new nanny or something.

Kinda nosy.

God it sucks to not fit in...

Christopher!

Hi! Hi you, your kale lilies at the benefit dinner were just off the hook, it's all anyone talked about.

Really, your eyes are so gorgeous I cannot stand it.

Oh my God you are the sweetest ever.

Listen Sam, give my love to yours. I will, I'll tell Doug you said hi...

Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

No, I should signal before I turn.

On the outside, it's all so beautiful

and you got everything, but on the inside...mmm, there is something missing.

That's a funny thing about facades - the emptiness behind them is... is very real.

Alright I'll call you later.

So what do you think?

Your so happy with yourself, I love it.

(Message tone)

So drop off went great.

Okay.

School`s adorable.

So far so good then.

Oh, yeah.

I'm really glad you're volunteering at that school.

Hopefully you're gonna meet some nice moms... right?

Yeah,I hope.

You're not working now, just enjoy yourself.

Well okay it's not the 1950's, babe, I mean hope to be working, I do have a phone call with Vince set up.

Mark the numbers from Pacifiker are in we need you in the conference room.
-Okay, thank you.

Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize that you had company.

Sandra this is my... beautiful wife Joy.

Hi nice to meet you.

Good to meet you.

I need you in the conference room.

Oh, and I confirmed our flights to Chicago.

Great.

I thought you weren't gonna be traveling so soon.
-They got me locked down on this big project.

I love you.

Love you.

See you soon.

Then when people finally start noticing you that's not always a good thing.

Could you just put them a little farther apart i don't like the sound they make when they touch each other.

So when the kids come,yeah... just... yeah and make sure they are straight too.

Hi I'm Joy, I'm supposed to help out with lunch today, I'm supposed to ask for Teresa.

You're late.

Oh, I'm sorry, as traffic`s so...

Here is you're state issued uniform.

Great, thanks.

Slop sloppy Joe's slop the sloppy Joe's, haha, it's the....

Adam Sandler song.

It's funny.

Since you're new here I'm gonna put you on stacking duty which means you get to clean kid's trays.

Right over there.

(Music, children chatting)

(Door bell)

Hi! -Hi I'm Michelle I'm your neighbor I'm just over there... oh, I brought you some goodies.

Oh, you are so sweet!

Thank you! I`m sorry I'm Joy. Okay my kids are gonna worship you cause they have had nothing homemade since we moved in. -Oh.

Moving is not for the faint of heart.
-Can you, please, tell my husband that?

Oh these look so good, can I ask you to come in and have some coffee or...

I would love to I just... I'm already late for volunteer appointment,probably oh but I... we're having a party on Saturday night and I was wondering if you and your husband

wanted to come, it's sort of a neighborhood thing,
-Oh I'd love to.

Aah but my but husband is getting in late that night and I don't have a sitter, I don't know any sitters yet in the neighborhood.

I can help you out... my 17 year old son William babysits for all the moms in the neighborhood.

Perfection!

I don't know if you are a reader,but like once a month we all kinda get together and we...-Yes I... love... I read. -Good, okay.

You`re like a one stop shop for the new girl in town, this is so amazing, thank you!
-You`re welcome.I'll let you get back to unpacking.

Oh, please, don't I hate it so.

I will. We`re really glad you're in the neighborhood.

Oh, you are so sweet, thank you so much, Michelle, I love this.

What part of on board by this conversation are you not understanding?

But I don't need a babysitter, I can, I can cook.

No, you can not.-Kind of.. -You actually can't cook at all, you can't even remotely cook.

I could do other stuff, I can take care of this little poop.

Okay, but if there is a home invasion?

There won't be.

Hey, hey little guy.

Hi, babe!

It smells great, baby. Hi!

Babe.

But wait...

You better perk up because I got us invited to a neighborhood party.

I... I just got back, baby.

But I already told them we'd go, I mean I hired a sitter and everything.

I don't need a sitter,please!

Child of mine, I am not discussing this anymore, you're not involving your father in this, it's done.

It`s totally unreasonable, most kids my age are the babysitter.

Please, help.

Will you, please listen, to your mom.

I never wanted to live here in the first place, this is total bullshit.

Please, take me out of this house.

Please.

Take me to a party with the adults and people not yelling at me.

Mom, I want dinner.

Can you do something about that too?

(Music)

Sometimes I don't think a man is meant biologically to be with one women his whole life.

It's just because the life span was so much shorter like with cavemen and stuff so they only lived...

I was busy with someone else but they called me so I had to fly in and when I talked to them and said listen we really want this deal to go down

but, um, it's not gonna work unless you follow my terms.

Well I told you I was gonna be late.

Where have you been?

Been in a problem.

Oh God.

You try not to judge, but...

...everyone has their secrets.

Sort it out!

Yeah, go ahead.

Nikki, hi, I wanted to...
-Not now, Heidi, please.

Michelle, I just wanna say thank you so much for
hosting. You have done, just, so much with this whole place.

Thank you for the flowers, Nikki,
that's very considerate.

You're welcome.

I'm gonna go put these in some water.

Huh...-I'm Joy.

By the way, I think we actually met the other day.

Nikki. Really?
-Yeah, at the grocery store, I kind of...

...communed into you with my cart.

That was you?
-I'm so sorry, I was such a mess that day.

You're not a gossip, are you?

Oh, no. Oh, no, I'm... Never...

Get into people's business.
-That's great!

We are gonna have so much fun together.
-Oh!

Oh, I had the pleasure of meeting your husband.

Mark? Yeah, yeah...
Is your husband here?

Oh, he was, but um, you know... Nanny problems.

Hey, hey, hey!
-Oh, you're here! Namaste!

This is, um, Joy!
-Hi, Joy!

-Hi! Nice to meet...
-Namaste. This is a party, isn't it?

Even if it is a party at Michelle's.

You're gonna need a drink.

Ok, this is gonna make this party bearable.

She and Mark just moved in to Palatire's house.

Oh!
-Yeah, it's very impressive.

That was on the market for what,
2.3 million? Where did you settle at?

Oh, you know, Mark and I...

Don't worry, I mean, I`m not gonna... It all stays
within the group, right? -Completely!

Welcome to the neighborhood.
We should celebrate, don`t we?

Oh, um...

We only ever drink the finest tequila.

Well, why not?

So, have you find your tribe yet?
-I was, what? -You know.

Your people? Your peeps?

Those are the athletes, they're always training for
something. Biathlon, triathlon, marathon. Hexagon.

Those are the do gooders. -Oh?
-Yeah, they're super boring...

Volunteers in his own life.
Michelle's their leader. She's the ultimate alpha mom.

They've saved Africa.
They're working on the anti vaccine vaccine.

Don't bother. Unless you have, like,
done peace court. For ten years.

Those are the hedge fund moms.

You really have to watch out
for those super high powered career girls.

They will stab you in the back,
they'll lob your balls off to make a deal.

Oh...
-Yeah. I'm not lying.

So, those are your options.

Well, I am definitely not a jock,
I only run if I'm being chased.

She's funny. -Yeah...
-So wait, which, what are you two?

What group?
-Oh, well, we're the fun group.

Stick with us, you'll never be bored.
-Yeah, there's no mama drama with us.

I hate drama.
-Right?

No.
-Here.

You know, we should ,um, we should have
a welcome to the fold girls night out for you.

Oh, I would love that! I really
haven't met that many people here!

I mean, I tried volunteering
at the kids school for lunch...

Oh, don't tell me,
they've put you on dish duty.

Yes, they did! My fourth grader
wouldn't even look at me.

Yeah, cause now you're a dish woman.

You should drink more.

Ok.

We are definitely taking you out.
-Oh, I would love that!

I just, you know, I need to get unpacked first,
Mark's gonna have a coronary if I don't get this a little...

Organized.
-Speaking of...

H,i babe. -Hi, how are you?
-Um, this is Nikki and Tory.

Oh, we've already had the pleasure.

Joy was just telling me about
your house, your plans for the decorating,

you really don't wanna mess that up,
cause you got one of the prime awards and...

Tory.
-Mark, nice to meet you.

Listen, baby, we need to get out of here.

No, please, stay and play a little longer.

Maybe next time.
I've got an early flight.

Wait, whan did that happen?
-The call just came in now.

You could always leave her with us.
-Yeah...

You could.

You know what, I should get back home.
It's the kids first night with the sitter, so...

But, rain check for sure.
-Good night. -Night.

(Music)

Here and here.
-Dammit I hate popcorn.

Hey, well, you're welcome.
-Hey, mom?

What?
-Is dad coming?

No, babylove, for dinner tonight,
we're on our own.

Oh...
-I know...

But, hey! What if we have breakfast for dinner?

Pancakes? Waffles?
-Just go crazy, do it all!

Yes!
-Alright.

(Phone ringing)

Hello?

Joy, hi, Vin here.
-Vin, hey!

I'm sort of in mom mode right now,
I apologize for the noise.

What do you have for me?
Please, tell me you have a story.

That's actually why I'm calling.
We're killing the magazine. -What?

Well, you know that print media is dead, right?
No one reads magazines anymore...

Guess proverbial writing's been off for some time now.

Well, look, I just acquired this new media company
in Wyoming, it's gonna revolutionize the publishing industry,

I'm talking about integrating social media,
blogs, Facebook, Instagram, all shabang, everything.

Mom, Emily's taking my picture.

I mean, we're gonna own
the 18-25 year old demographic.

Ok, 18-25, but...
Where do I fit in?

Well, to be honest, you don't.

See, we're moving everything online,I mean, if you had...

A blog, or a social media following or
a presence on something like that...

I might be able to send you some work.
You know, that's the trend nowadays,

it's a bit more young and edgie, hip.

Ok, so I need a young, edgie, hip...

Blog?

No, no, what I'm saying is
you need to have a following.

A media presence.

Blog, Instagram, Twitter,
anything like that,

You'll be part of the revolution.

Ok, well, you know...

A blog, I can do that!

Alright, well, you know, shoot me an email with some of
your ideas and if there's something that I like then...

Maybe I'll find my way to Seattle.

Well, that won't do much good
cause I'm in Portland.

Is that even in the US?

You know, I just don't
even know anymore.

It`s not exactly a publishing mecca now, is it?

No, sir, it's not.

Alright, well look, best of luck
with the move and I'll chat soon.

Thanks.

Alright, who wants to go do homework?

Not me! Noooo!
-Me neither.

(Music)

(Door bell)

Hey! I brought my posse to help
you unpack, we brought goodies!

Oh, my God, I couldn`t possibly ask you guys to do that!

Oh, you`re not asking. We`re offering! Frankly, the sooner the work is done the sooner we can play.

You know, I totally thank you on that. I could so use the help.

Oh, you`re sweet, thank you!
-No problem.

Who are you?

I`m...I`m Rachel. -Rachel, sorry, we didn`t meet the other night. I`m Joy.

Oh, Joy, yeah. Hello!
-Oh!

Namaste.

Namaste! -Did I say it right? -Sort of. -Close enough.

Where are the glasses? -Oh, dear God. I have no idea.

Step one. -You know what, check one of those two boxes over there.

Where is this from?
-Where is what from?

Bingo! -When somebody holds them like... -What?

Somebody does like that...
-Big ones.

Oh, yeah... the movie "Say anything".

Someone holds it... -Oh, yeah, John Cusack for Ione Skye.

Oh, it`s so cute. -It`s not that. -It is that.

It`s not. -It`s definitely that.

(Music)

What do you think? -Wow!

That one`s even better. What`s in it? -Salt.

I`ve got a special ingredient.

Well, Lady D medicines, no biggy. -Wait, what do you take that for?

Well, absolutely gets you shit done. You never had this before? It`s mama`s little helper.

Really? -Yeah.

Yeah, look, they give this crap to our kids every day.

Tory?

Gosh, I`m good. I`ve got family bedtime, I don`t want to get all jacked up right before sleep business.

Rachel?

That`s my girl! Okay!

And just like you`ve assimilated. Poof! You`re part of the tribe.

And the concessions begin.

Oh, God! Where was that taken?

Oh, that`s in our old house. -That one`s a real beauty.

I take that Mark`s job is a big step up and pay, ha?

Oh...yeah.

Sure.

Nikki, what`s the theme of this year`s ball?

Last year`s masquerade was off the hook.

Oh, my God, the masks were genius. But it`s ok, I`ve got another awesome idea. -Yey!

What day is it, Nikki? I`ve got to make sure Robert`s here.

He better be. You got a date a year in advance, there`s no reason why you two shouldn`t be there.

Oh, I wouldn`t miss it.

Wait, what party is this?

Every year Nikki and Matthew hold the party of the year.

Anything that can happen, usually does.

It`s just one night of the year where everybody gets allowed loose, you know,

the rules don`t apply. It`s just really special night.

My God, fantastic, it sounds like a

college party on steroids.

No, no, no, you didn`t go to a party like this at the college.

I mean, Matthew and I spend a lot of time and a lot of money on this.

Is that a hot tub?

Oh, God, fuck, we`re girls, let`s get wet!

Nadia Comaneci.

Where is your hot husband from?

My hot husband is from England. -Oh, dear. -Too bad. -North of England.

He`s a Brit like you. -Where`s that? -Zennor.

Oh, oh, oh, okay!

I`ve never.

I love that game! I love it! The drinking game. -Alright, I`ve never had sex in a car.

Get out, you`ve never had sex in a car! -No, I`ve never had sex in a car.

It`s classless. -Okay, thank you, Sandra D.

That`s great.

I`ve never...um...I`ve never done extasy.

Oh, God, Rachel. -Boom. -Ew.

Okay. -Yey! -Yey, baby, you`re my team! -Oh, spoil.

I`ve got a great one, I`ve got a great one.

I have never cheated on my husband.

Drink.

What?! -Nikki! Come on,drink!

Come on. -Come on!

What about Cabo? Those two bloats? -What about Cabo?

Those bloats in a club, come on... -No, no, come on.

Please, I didn`t have sex with those guys. I mean, they barely got into my pants, you know.

Look, everybody knows it doesn`t count if it`s across the border.

Alright? -What does that mean?

FYI. -Oh, come on. -No, no, no, everyone knows.

You`re not cheating if you don`t go all the way.

What are you talking...? -What?

Wait, what concept treats cheating then?

Penetration is the cheating. -Yes. -Yeah.

Right.

God, Nikki, you`re the best.

You two have beautiful breasts. -I have a great doctor.

They are fake? -Oh, come on.

No! Really?

Are yours real?

Yeah... No! Hell, no!

What?! -Honey, I love that you asked that.

Yours are? -What? -No. -I don`t think so. -Are you saying that you do?

Yeah. -You are the last woman on Earth with real tits! -Oh, no.

Oh, my God, I`ve got to feel those.

Well, I s... Fine. There. Good lord!

Wow! -What? -What`s the verdict? -They`re real.

Yeah, they`re real. -Yes, they`re real!

But, why, what`s better? -What should the guys prefer?

Oh, I`ll test. Come here.

What is it? -Okay, I`m sorry, but the fake ones are so much sexier.

Joy, you`ve gotta just sort that shit out. -What?!

I like my boobs.

Come on, you know, I think you`ll really like it.

Cause, you know, during sex, you know, oh God, I would hate it when my tits were like hanged out and just be like

flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap.
-Yes, right.

And you know, a guy when he`s round the back

he needs something to grab on to so that he can just

kick that shit into high gear. -Devoting. -Yeah. -That hurts, that sounds painful.

What kind of sex do you have?

Yeah, I`m totally taking you to the spa tomorrow. I`m taking you to the spa.

What`s that gonna do? -Well, about your tits... -Do you know what, Tory, your liquor cabinet sucks cheese?

Oh, my God! -Don`t listen to her. -I`ve just moved. -It`s only one bottle here.

I know she brought that. -Beef it up -Leave me alone! My tits and my liquor.

I`ve just moved!

Who the fuck is that?

Who is who? Hello? Hello?

Oh, fuck! -It`s really loud, mom.

I...I can`t sleep. -Oh, my God!

Honey, I`m so sorry. Hold on, wait.
-Mom. why are you all naked?

O, baby! -The party is over. -Let`s get you back to bed.

Just some friends having... -Get in while you can because that`s gonna kill the buzz.

(Knocking)

May I come in?
-Sure.

I'm really sorry that we were
so loud and that we woke you. -It's ok.

I'm Nikki.
-Emily.

Can I skooch?
-Sure. Of course.

I saw you at the school, I mean I
noticed you cause, OMG you're so stunning.

I bet you turn all the boy's heads.

No.
-What?

How old are you anyway? 14?

Oh God, no, I am 12 but I'm
going to be 13 soon.

You're almost a woman?

Gosh. I wish I looked like you whan I was 13.

Look like me?

We could be friends, I think.

I could totally do your nails.
Oh, we could have so much fun.

It's late, babe.
We gotta go to bed.

Ok. -Your mom's right,
come on, get in.

Oh, good night, my new best friend.

Good night.
-Namaste.

Namaste.
-Oh, very good.

Good night, love girl.

Good night.

Namaste.

Now that you belong,
the warning signs fade away.

What's going on here?
Did you give birth to your children?

You're like a... You're like a super model.
-But I have a secret.

Never swallow solids.

What work have you had done?

Work. You mean work work?
Oh, I haven't had anything done. -Oh?

But you had work done?
I mean, other then your boobs, you had a work done?

Well, just maintenance, you know, some...

Injections, teeth whitening, botox, um...

I mean, you can see I got the full brazilian,
it's for Matthew, he likes it clean.

So, I just hesitate to ask you what do you really think of my party bags?

I`m hoping to hold off on a face lift. I`m thinking two years. What do you think, two?

No? One year? Oh, God, I should just do it now.

You know, all you really need is some eyebrow filler and lash extensions.

Really?. -Yeah... No, no!

I`m wrong, You should get a botox. You should. It`ll make you pop. -Really? No.

Now, she could use some serious work on.

Gosh. -You`re going to hell. -Yeah, that`s where my people are. -You`re going to hell.

Um, well, fortunately for me, Mark likes me all natural, so...

he`s fine. -Oh, I would not rely on that, honey.

Look... -What? -Mark is now big in his office, right, and, let`s face it, he`s like 007-hot.

He doesn`t wanna come home to your tired face and saggy body.

It`s just not good news. -You mean, I`m saggy?

I mean, you still blow him, right?

So many my girlfriends don`t blow their guys any more, I mean, it`s stupid.

Matthew grooms for me too, you know.

Grooms? What do you mean he grooms? What does he do?
-He manscapes.

He just... see... trim weeds.

He waxes his brows, back and balls.

So, do... do you like do all of this because

what, I mean, are you, are you afraid he`s gonna stray?

Cause, I mean, there`s more to a marriage than just

how we look and the whole sexual thing, right, you know what I mean?

There is the emotional connection, too, right?

Well, I`m not gonna hang around to find out.

Matthew is a catch, he knows that.

I know that, I give him a long leash.

But all it takes is for me not to keep him interested

he`s gonna be out there looking for it.

And, look, you and Mark

might be the one guy that isn`t pervious to temptation but it can happen to any of us, honey.

Men are dogs.

I`m cooked.

Stop!

Joy! Come on! -Oh, coming, coming.

What I tell you, it`s perfect, right?

Oh, come on, what`s Mark got that big job for anyway!

It`s not just exactly in our budget right now.

When you want something in this world, you just go and get it!

Not in your budget! What does he make, like 600, 800k a year plus bonuses?

I can`t let you not take this. This is meant to be.

Mark`s gonna love it.

Trust me.

Joy? -Good to see you, thank you so much for the party, your house`s so lovely.

Glad you could come. -Oh, yeah, and William is fantastic.

Kids are totally obsessed with him. I really want him back.

Actually, can I get him book club night? -Yeah, let me, let me check. -Great. -Yeah.

Oh, cause I have read the book and all. -Doesn`t matter.

There`s wine. -Oh, wouldn`t be book club without it. -A lot of wine. -Goota have the wine.

So, how`s your unpacking going? -Oh, fantastic, actually Nikki and Tory and Rachel

came over and helped me unpack everything. It`s like I hired proffessionals.

Oh, it was nice of them! -So nice! You`ve gotta come and see it.

Joy, I don`t like to talk ill about people

but there`s something you should know about...

Hi, Michelle. -Nikki!

Right. I didn`t realize you`re here with someone.

I have a meeting. -Oh, okay.

Listen, I really would love to have you over for coffee, come see the house. -I would like that.

And I`ll see you on the fifth. -Can`t wait. -Okay. -Bye, Michelle. -Nikki.

What is happening on the fifth? -Book club.

Oh, God. -What? I love book club.

Have you ever spent a long time with her?

Michelle? -Aha. -Oh, she seems so sweet! -Oh, come on.

I mean, she`s all like...ah, I have volunteered in hospital for the animals

and endangered children. -Okay, you`re making fun of a woman for helping people?

Wow, come on. I help people, I volunteer in Serenity Haven. -What`s Serenity Haven?

It`s a ...um, it`s that it was a cause that was framed near to my mother`s heart.

Oh, did she pass?

Yeah. -Oh...

It`s... She just spent so much time and money there and

You know, I really wanted to, you know, to follow her footsteps and

continue her legacy, you know.

Yeah. Oh, she sounds like an amazing woman.

Oh, it`s so hard to lose your mom, honey, I`m so sorry about that.

Thanks.

Oh, God.

Enough of that. Carpe diem. Hello. Ok, I`ve got a plan.

Girls` trip? -Girls` trip?!

Mhm. You, me, Tory, Rachel, we`re just gonna get out of town, we`re just gonna recharge,

we just need an excuse to be able to pass by the husbands.

God, I`ve never done anything this before. I`d love it!

Oh, ah, my birthday is coming up!

Oh, decided. -Sold. -Birthday girls` trip down Vegas.

Oh, really, Vegas?

Is there anywhere else?

I don`t know, I`ve never been... -No, look, I`ll look after all of it. -Okay.

You just to need to tell Mark that he`s gonna looking after the children at the weekend. -Yeah, yeah.

And, you know what, I am, I will arrange you with him. -Oh,no!

Of course not. No, no, I`ll figure it out with the kids and it all

with Mark, but, thank you.

I gotta go.

Oh? -I`m so sorry to bail.

No, it`s fine. This was so much fun!

So, good! You look so cute! -Oh, thanks!

Vegas?

Doesn`t sound like you.

Well, it`s not really but Nikki thought it`d be fun thing to do on my birthday.

Yeah? Is Michelle going?

No, I don`t think they`re really friends.

Michelle is, like, little more serious.

You sure must miss your friends back home.

Yeah, well, we`re different now, remember?

And don`t forget, we got Rachel`s costume party when I get back. -Yeah.

Baby, you sure you gonna be okay when you`re alone with the kids?

Oh, I got Willliam a bunch too, just so you know, so you`ll be having breaks and stuff.

Hi. -Hi.

Hey, easy!

I`ve better have an early start tomorrow.

If you are leaving town, I`m gonna get out of the things.

All right. -All right. -Your loss.

Kind of.

(Music)

Oh, Mark is not gonna be able to take his hands off you.

He doesn`t need any help.

Aha? Is he good in a sack?

No, I just mean, you know, he doesn`t need, like, any added incentive.

Aha.. so, honey... What is he into?

Nikki! That`s, like, private.

Oh, private, shmivate, this is girl talk.

Btdubs, totally buying these for you. -No!

And for Mark, he`s gonna love them, trust me.

Can I tell you a secret? -What?

Do you wanna know what I gave Matthew for his 48th birtday? -What?

The wrong hole. -No!

Phew! Did you like it?

It was over fast. And thank God I had that colonic.

Ok, next job - we gotta stop you look like 12 old boy and say goodbye to those shoes.

What? I got these in the Cotswolds.

I don`t care about the Cotswolds, I care about how you look.

(Music)

Once you found a cool aid, you`re willing to go anywhere and do anything.

(Music)

Light me.

(Music)

Get in line. -Flashing you tits.

You`re a good boy.

(Music)

Maybe it`s time for a toast. -To us and those like us.

Down the freaking fuel!

Salute! -Cheers!

Oh, I need a picture of you. Okay, your best faces.

Prudes! Let me see those.

Oh, they`re really great. -God, you should dress like this all the time. You look like a star cold fox.

Oh, Nikki! -Yeah? -You`re welcome, lady.

This is Mark? -What`s that? My Mark?

Why do you have a picture of Mark?

Because I have your back. Look, I was in town

and I saw Mark having lunch with some "feel this"!

No, I know who she is. This is Sandra, he works with her.

Well...Look, all work meetings, long looks and commuting, Joy?

That`s not what`s going on here.

I`m sure you`re right. It`s... Look, I know what happens to men when they start making a lot of money, ok?

I mean, it`s almost not their fault.

Excuse me.

Aren`t we having fun?

What were you thinking?

I didn`t think you wanted to know where Mark was so you could take pictures of him.

Get off your pedestal. -She`s not you!

That`s just Nikki`s way of looking after you.

Men can be dogs! She has plenty of experience with that.

No, obviously I know it can happen but that`s just not Mark and I.

She keeps pushing this whole cheating idea!

Metthew left his first wife for Nikki.

She doesn`t want the same thing happening to her.

Or her friends.

Oh, look...

I did not mean to upset you. I just thought I was being a really good friend.

I know, I know...

I mean, the girls will tell you. I mean, I would want to know if Matthew was being unfaithful to me, right?

But, I... that`s not what`s going on here. I know Mark!

Well, probably not yet.

Oh, my God! So, wait!

What do you want me do to? I`m supposed just to confront him on the whole potential of it?

Yes.

Firstly, you never let him see you cry.

Second, you check every text message.

They`re really dumb and they don`t erase them.

Thirdly, he needs to see you, he needs to see this. You`re a hot fox!

Mmm....

You know what? I think we invite Molly to the party.

Molly! - Molly! -Who`s Molly?

Oh, Molly... -She is our best friend. -Now, open wide.

That`s my girl. -What I do, what I take?

(Music)

God, drama!

(Music)

I`m so happy to be with you. -Cheers!

Excuse me, I`m sorry, we paid for those. -Um, I don`t think so.

So, I`m gonna go... -How could she just...

Hey bitch! Hey bitch! -Keep moving, girls.

I`ll fuck you up! -Shit, shit! -Hey, don`t walk away from me!
-Punch her in her tit hard.

Come on! -Do it.

I punched her in the tit. -You just walked and punched her in the tit!

Let`s go! -I`m so proud of you.

(Music)

There`re no rules or boundaries in this new life.

It`s the freest you`ve ever felt and it`s intoxicating.

(Cheering, laughter and music)

I just did that!

(Cheering, laughter and music)

No, no, no, no, no.

I`m gonna kill myself after that.

Who booked the early flight? God!

Are you happy I`m back? -Yeah!

Dad always puts way too much milk in the bowl.

Don`t challenge the Milkmonster ever.

Daddy has lost it. He`s got insane. -Yeah.

Definitely.

(Message tone)

Oh, I`m vibrating. One second. -Yes, you are. -Ah...

What?

Hey, is that about our costumes?

Phew!

I gotta go.

You`re gonna leave this? -I gotta go, I gotta change and I gotta get to work. -Alright.

Alright.

I love you. -Take your phone. -You`re right.

Oh, my God, you guys are gross!

(Music)

Hello! Guten haben! Hi everyone!

(Music)

You realize you`re not the only one pretending to be something you`re not.

(Music)

(Music, sighs)

And then you see under the mask.

(Music, sighs)

I could play a Goofy Soupy hero on rescue. -You are Goofy, oh?

I`m already stuck with you.

Look! - Easy, hahaha.

If the van`s rocking...

...don`t come knocking.

Till the car`s come home.

I think you forgot some thing, needs one more thing.

What is a thing? - It`s not big.

(Music)

There she is! You know it`s still your birthday. Surprise!!!

(Cheering)

That crazy! Oh, guys. -You look so cute! -Thank you, thank you.

You look stunning! -Oh, Mark.

Wow! -Hi, sweetheart. Thank you.

Bullshit! It is not what you said.

It doesn`t matter what it was then, honey. It is what it is now.

We`re just going to change the deal whenever you feel like it?

Hm. And if you don`t like it, you can find another way to deal with your problems.

Oh, so sorry. -Hey. -Hi!

Don`t be sorry, it`s your birthday, you can do whatever you like.

Hi, I`m Joy.

This is the last time I pay like this.

Sure. -Great.

Bye.

What was that all about? -Oh, she`s irrelevant.

The important thing is - are you having fun?

Oh, my God, so much fun.

You definitely know how to keep it interesting.

Oh, it is not easy. I mean, this town is full of boring assholes.

I am just so glad that I found you.

You smell...amazing.

It`s Sarah Jessica Parker`s Lovely. What`s happening?

Really? -Yeah.

Oh, you are an exceptional kisser.

I bet Mark is too, ha?

Is he? -Aha.

I gotta go party.

(Laughter)

Right, we gotta get home.

Oh, yeah? -Yes, we do. -I got my sword out, hahaha.

Not yet but you will.

(Music)

I wonder where did you get this little laundry from?

Nikki got it for me.

She thought you`d like it.

I wanna be on top.

Word in the street is that you`ve been a very bad boy.

The house was a mess.

Well, if I have...

(Music)

(Sighs, bed bumping)

(Message tone)

(Message tone)

Drop it. -Sorry, your phone woke me up.

Oh! Sorry... I forgot to switch it off from yesterday.

I`m sorry.

You`re convinced that this is a new and improved version of yourself and now you`re happy, right?

I mean, you kind of have to be since you`re working so hard on it.

(Music )

Hi, babe.

May I kiss the babies?

You could`ve called to tell me you`re coming home late.

That is very true.

You missed the entire game.

Are you pissed cause I missed one game?

Cause you like missed the whole first eight years.

I maybe am working and I do.

Is that what you were doing?

That`s amazing chair, by the way. -Yeah!

Yeah. So, where is the rest of it? -Rest of what?

The rest of the furniture. I saw the credit card bill. -No, this is it.

Right here. -You paid five grand for one chair?

I paid five grand for this chair.

Yes. Would you spend it on that car on the driveway?

We need a new car, Joy.

We need a new car or you need a new car?

Cause I don`t drive in that car. Neither the kids.

And just to unclear, so the new rule is now I need your permission if I`m ever gonna wanna buy something?

That`s how this goes? -Why are you putting words in my mouth?

Tell me what you mean. -You come home, you`re late, I mean, seriously...

This is not about the chair, Joy.

This is about everything! - Keep your fucking voice down, the kids are sleeping.

Look at this. -What? -Your closet is full of new designed clothing.

It`s ridiculous. -Okay.

So, this is how I`m cast now. I`m like the wife that spends all the money and you`re the big bread winner.

I`m just saying we shouldn`t been spending money

on these kinds of things. -Okay.

You told me to fit in.

You told me that. So, this is me fitting in. -This is not us.

I see. I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow so just so I`m clear with new rules and everything

do I send it to your assistent? The list? I get it pre-approved.

I won`t buy anything that`s not on it.

I`m gonna go pack. -What do you mean pack?

Where are you going? -New York!

I don`t want you traveling with her any more.

Her? -Sandra!

This is not about you. This is about my job.

And our future. And our family.

(Music)

(Message tone)

(Music)

Okay, kids are all settled upstairs.

Great! You know, William was just asking if he could volunteer at the Serenity Haven.

I mean, you are so mature for your age.

William, honey, that`s really fantastic. That`s great.

Yeah. Sounds like a good place. -Yeah.

Ok, you and I have a lot to talk about, so, um...

We`ll be in the den if you need us. -Great.

Thanks, honey. -Go, go, go!. -Going, going, going.

I`ve got goody bags! -Let`s do it!

Come on, ladies. -Seroiusly? I see you have used this before.

Okay, get on that!

So, I`m gonna take you back...

That`s great. -...to high school,

to the hool girls, to the big hair,

the fanky music and outrages fashion and let`s face it, ladies,

the best fucking highs!

That`s not what I did in high school. -Everything was available with, Nikki.

This year`s fall ball theme... -Yes? Oh, yeah, What?

1980s homecoming girls!

We`re even gonna crown homecoming king and queen. That is happening.

Joy, go! -I...I don`t do that. -Oh, come on, Joy.

No, no, no, no, no, I think... No, no, dude, the kids are upstairs

I`ve never done...I`m not doing this. -Honey?

Come on. -No, no, no, no. It`s not our thing. -Come on, you˛re so safe right now. -No. -Come on.

I`m not...I gotta be at Michelle`s later. -Michelle`s?

I got book club. -Oh, my God, then you really need this. -Come on, Joy.

It`s just so much fun.

Honey, get that in you right now, right now!

I am doing like a particle. -Take that. -You start small.

Yey! -You did that!

You so did that, I am so proud of you, I could cry.

Oh, my God, I love this shit! -I`m not going... -What`s going on with the charity? -I´m not doing...

Oh, in about a week... -You be numb now, you`ll be cool.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! -What? -Okay, it`s not that sore, come on, you`ll get used to it.

Literally, I feel it in my brain.

(Message tone)
-Yeah, in my too.

Oh, shit! I`m late for a book club. -Better never than late.

Tell you`re in no condition.

You`re right, you know what, I`m gonna bag. -No, come on, you can go, you`re fine.

So, we have a lot of discussion questions tonight.

What do you, guys, think of the main character?

Oh! I did not like her for like the first thirty pages... -Oh, my God, I had the same thing.

Totally the same thing! I thought she showed like such deft encouragement she was going through her divorce.

Which totally reminded me of my best friend in high school.

When her parents went through divorce, except her mother was a total bitch, so it was the same by being the opposite.

This was the first book I`ve ever read that really hit what it was like to live through infidelity.

Oh, my God. You know what? Michelle, this food...

Seriously, that`s delicious! If this is anything like those cookies you made, seriously, I`m gonna eat the whole table.

I like grapes, grapes are great!

Oh, even better with cheese! I`m gonna have some of that, too.

So good, thank you. I love that there`s like snacks at book club. That`s like awesome. And wine.

So, yes. I agree. I don`t know if I would be that strong if Brian left me with the mortgage and three kids.

You know what? I would not take that shit lying down and you should neither. Like she did in the book.

I`m not saying I`m like Lorena Bobbitt is ass but I might.

I might! Cause, you know what? None of you bitches know what I`m capable of!

(Joy lughing)

Kidding. I`m totally kidding.

That`s an interesting observation.

What do, what do we think of the climax when she founds out about his infidelity?

I really didn`t buy it. I mean, you know, the moment she wasn`t suppose to give a damn about it, it`s just a...

Oh! I think that`s... Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God Oh, my God! I love this one!

You said you guys read this one. It`s so sad, it`s when the duke goes to war

and he comes back and he tells that he never stopped living her but she`s already married to that dufus dude

It`s so heart breaking!

Oh, Michelle, there`s another one that I think it would be perfect for the book group.

Do you have... Oh, wait, no, oh, my God

You have this one! This is also so good! But the movie was a piece of shit.

Honestly, I don`t even know why they bother making movies out of books.

Cause if you have ever even once seen a good adaption...

Have you? Look at you! You`re ador... Your eyes are so blue!

Good for you! Are those contacts? Are they glass or they`re fibres? -They`re brown. -Okay.

So, I just peed in my pants a little bit.

I will be honest about that. Is there a restroom, honey?

Yeah... -Oh, thank you. How great is book club! I`m like loving it. Hold those.

Okay, I`ll be back, Don`t say anything here without me.

It`s her first book club, you know. Maybe she`s nervous. Or...

And before you know it, you`re labeled.

Is that the house where the crazy mom lives?

(Vomiting)

Mom, are you okay? -I`m fine.

We`re gonna be late for practice. -I know, is all your gear ready?

I didn`t know where to find... -Get your shit together, honey, I`m not your maid.

It becomes easier to live in denial than to start over again.

So you make yourself up, you go to another party, and you take comfort and all the bullshit.

We`ve dinner at the Blakes` tonight.

I see you there.

But, your Honour, that`s why I had to give her the taste test.

(Laughter)

That`s great, honey.

Well, who`s ready for some scotch? -Absolutely.

I am. -Let`s do it, honey, get up.

That was the worst joke I`ve ever heard. -Yeah, he`s got no sense of humor.

I screwed up really last night. Mark`s totally pissed.

Come on, he`s your husband, not your dad.

He`s having a great time.

This will, one drink, it`ll help you get back in the party mood.

Really? -Yes.

Have I ever lied to you? -Not yet.

Oh, that`s actually really good.

Yeah, once more. -Yeah, I`ll take a little more.

Just a little. I wanna be kind of good. This is smoky!

Aha. Bottoms up.

Ahh. -Shakira, Shakira.

Shakira, Shakira.

I`ve read your article in The New York Journal.

I mean, you`re doing so incredibly well.

Do you know, do you know what`s really funny?

Joy is amazing. Joy never heard of it. I mean, isn`t that odd?

It wasn`t that big a deal.

She is...um... she`s just caught up and everything.

Come on, this is a stuff that should be noticed, should be acknowledged.

Hey! I`ll acknowledge it for you.

Oh, God! Oh, my God! So sorry.

I`m looking for the bathroom.

I`m looking to get you alone all night.

Okay... it`s... you are funny. -What`s going on in here?

I`m so sorry. I didn`t want to wake him. I`m so... Where`s the bathroom?

Oh, it`s just down the hall on the left. -Okay.

(Knocking)

You`d be down by dad, kids.

Hi... -Nik?

Look, I know, I know how hard you work and I just didn`t want you to go hungry cause I know Joy is at some poetry reading.

Yeah, she`s been a lot of busy recently with... um...

We were just about to order some pizza.

That body doesn`t need pizza. And, look, I know Joy doesn`t like making homemade food, but I do.

And, you know, it`s totally my pleasure.

Ah! -Cheers! -Cheers!

How do I turn this on?

Oh, thanks Nikki, I... I better get the kids now for the dinner.

Keep them up a while longer. We can just heat things up.

Kids! Dinner!

You know that you can have anything you want, Mark.

You really need to leave now.

Cause I can give you things that Joy can`t even spell, Mark.

Nikki brought us some dinner! Guys!

Hey! Oh! Good to see you. Can I stay for dinner next time?

Of course, yeah. -Thank you.

Hey, tell your mom I said hi, okay? -Okay.

Namaste, Mark. -Namaste! -Namaste!

Say hi to Matthew. -Oh, of course.

Let`s get some pizza, kids. -Well, we just got food from her.

I know but pizza will do me some much better right now.

Boo! -How did the reading go?

I forgot how pretentious those events can be.

What?

Nikki brought dinner earlier.

Well, that`s nice.

Joy, she came here to seduce me.

Okay, James Bond, you sure always think all the women are hitting on you.

You can believe whatever you want, this is true.

Babe, I think you totally misread that, I...

She is my best friend, she would never do that to me.

At Tory`s party she was all over me.

Your ego - it`s killing me.

What`s wrong? You`re serious?

Wow, ego! I`m just telling you the way it is, that`s all.

So, you think Nikki became friends with me so she can hit on you?

I never said that! -So, what are you saying?

I don`t even know who this person is!

You`re going out all the time, like a teenager!

I mean, what do you know about these women, Joy?

These new friends of yours, you`re taking them on face value.

Yes, the`re friends. I here have friends!

For the first time, Mark, in our marriage, I actually have friends.

We`ve moved three times for your job, okay.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to meet people?

And now I finally find a group of women that I click with and you just think they are all hitting on you and critisizing them?

So, Nikki flirted with you. -More than flirted!. -So, who gives a shit!

Matthew hit on me, you don`t see my panties in a bunch about it!

What?! -Yeah, yesterday.

At Tory`s party, it wasnt`t a big deal, in kitchen and then upstairs, and obviously I rebuffed him.

Look, clearly he cheats on her, so, you know what,

if Nikki is flirting with you innocently to make herself feel better, well, then who cares.

And you don`t think I`m gonna say something about that to him? -No.

No! Not at all, you`re missing the point.

People are different here, Mark.

You`re the one that told me that and you told me I had to adjust.

And I did. So, guess what? Now you do it!

And then you realize you`re living separate lives.

And, maybe, you know, that`s okay.

Yeah, it`s the good day, it`s a great day.

Oh, honey, you`re so aboard.

Meet me at the playground.

Hey, Em. Em!

So, what are we doing here?

We`re meeting Elmare.

And who`s Elmare? -Elmare is my friend that brings us goodies.

Okay.

Wait here a minute.

(Music)

Mom?

Mom!

(Music)

Namaste.

(Music)

Bingo! Here we go.

Thank you, thank you so much. -Thank you.

They cut you off half way through and asked for a pen.

I had no idea what was happening.

Do you realize this is the client we`ve been trying to get since I was an intern?

Before Kellogg. Seven years.

You`ve been a great asset.

Thank you. -Thank you.

It`s been a pleasure to work for you.

With me.

I`m gonna give Joy a call.

And I`m going to call Peter.

How`s that going anyway? The long distance thing.

I`m gonna give it my best attempt.

He`s a great guy.

5.30 a.m. in the lobby. So, good night.

Good night, don`t be late.

(Phone ringing)

(Phone ringing)

Hello?

Hello? Emily?

(Music)

So...

you, like...

...have sex with Elmare for drugs, right?

I blow him for blow, yeah.

And, you don`t think it`s like...

I don`t know, wrong or anything?

Please, don`t judge me. -No, no, no, I`m just...

I feel like I`m going crazy.

I feel like I`m just...

It`s like I woke up and I turned 40 and...

I`m puffed up like a peacock and I just, I feel...

invisible.

I hear you, sister.

Yeah, that`s why I do all the bad things.

Shop lift, snort, smoke, blow.

Just to feel alive.

Well, does it work? -No.

Oh, my God, no!

It`s sad, it`s so sad. -Here.

You know how you said that you`d wanna know if Matthew were cheating on you.

Cause, I mean, I`d wanna know too if Mark were cheating on me.

Wow! I`ll tell you if I find out that he`s done anything bad towards you.

I will tell you! I will tell you!

William, what are you doing here?

Hi, Mrs D. Your husband called.

Something about being worried cause Emily said you weren`t here.

Is she okay?

She tried some cigarettes, I guess. She was feeling sick.

She`s up in your bed.

Good night. -Thank you.

Oh, my God.

So, ha, is school going okay?

Yeah, yeah, I mean finals were a drag, but I did okay, I guess. -Good.

Good. Oh, do I owe you anything for tonight?

Oh, no, don`t worry about it, Mrs D. You can give me a solid one day.

You`re a good kid, William. -Thanks.

Elmare?

Can I help you? -Hi, I`m looking for Nikki.

She volunteers here every Tuesday.

There`s no Nikki here.

Nikki Troyer? -I`m sorry, I`ve never heard that name before.

(Phone ringing)

Serenity Haven, can I help you?

Hey...

You`re looking for Nikki?

Yeah, you know Nikki? -She`s my kid.

But Nikki told me that her mother was dead.

Brittany Nicole...

Got herself a golden ticket out with that husband of hers.

She writes big cheques to keep this place open.

And I gotta a job because of it.

But those cheques keep getting smaller and smaller.

Cause they`re going broke.

(Sobbing)

When the truth crashes into you, what will you do?

Will you choose to take responsibility or will you look away?

Hey...

Good, I was going to say the same thing. -Yeah.

What are you doing here? -Hi, babe.

What are you doing? -I thought I`d surprise you.

Hi, Sandra. -Hi.

I`m... um... I`ll grab a taxi. Just let me get my bag. -I`ll call you later. Okay? -Yeah.

Good to see you. Wow!

Hey! I`m sorry.

Me too.

You can make huge mistakes. But guess what? You can also fix them.

(Music)

You look amazing! What is that? -A little stuff I had hanging around.

(Music)

Right now, I`m gonna take a little break to get me a wine cooler.

But, while I´m gone this is the last ten minutes

that you have to vote for your bitching king and queen.

And I`m out!

(Music)

There you are.

Where did you get that picture of me, hm?

Oh, the one with the hair net? Isn`t it perfect, it`s so eighties?

It`s your friend of mine at school gave it to me.

Did you have to blow that friend too?

Your daughter gave it to me.

You know, you were just a bored little housewife before you met me.

You don`t even know how much I`ve done for you.

So a simple thank you puts off ice.

(Music)

I wanna use the mike. -Oh, no, no, no, this is my jam. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hundred bucks.

The time comes when all your choices catch up with you.

Hi, can I get everyone`s attention, please?

Thanks.

Hi! Um...

So, public speaking is not exactly my thing.

And truth be told, a couple of months ago

I really wouldn`t have the courage for this, but, um...

That was then and this is now.

So, I`d like to take this opportunity to say a couple of things about our lovely hostess, Nikki.

(Cheering)

It`s been brought to my attention that I really

owe Nikki and that is 100% true.

I really do.

She has taught me so much about living,

and relationships and myself, really.

She puts the "hi" in hilarious.

(Laughter)

She`s a hell of a kisser.

As I`m sure propably everybody here knows.

She`s an amazing daughter.

Who honors her mom with the work she does at Serenity Haven.

A cause that`s near dear to her heart.

She`s a force.

And I think it`s safe to say we`ve all been very influenced by her.

So, Nikki, thank you.

From the bottom of my heart.

And I`m sort of hogging the mike here, so...

Is there anything that you would like to add?

I`m here to serve my people.

(Cheering)

Fine. Well...

Let`s all us raise our glass in a toast to the reigning queen!

(Cheering)

I think she deserves everything she has coming to her.

Namaste, Nikki!

Namaste, honey!

Okay, so it`s time now to crown your bitchin` king and queen.

Drama, please.

And your homecoming queen is... Nikki Troyer!

(Cheering, applause)

Oh! Wow!

And you homecoming king is...

Mark Dillon!

Mark! Sweety, come up! My king!

What the fuck are you doing?

I`m just finding my king. Is that alright with you? Mark!

Okay, Mohamed, mountain, coming!

(Music)

Stop it!

Ma`am? Get out of the pool, ma`am.

Ma`am, we gonna need you to get out of the pool.

Tory? Tory, honey.

Ma`am, we need you to get out of the pool.

Trying to get out of the pool! Help me.

Rachel? Rachel?

Nikki... okay.

Let`s go. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be used against you in the Court of law...

I don`t understand. Why has Matthew not posted bail yet?

But he tried.

But apparently he doesn`t have enough money.

What about Tory?

God, even Rachel!

They have money.

I`m Britanny Nicole`s mama. Who the hell are you?

Your mama can find you a lawyer.

Heidi, Heidi, come on! Come on, I don`t know this woman! Heidi!

Reality always bites us in the ass.

We will fall. It`s just the matter of how hard and how far.

So, what`s the key to survival?

It`s acceptance of yourself.

When you`re constantly looking for something better, you lose sight of what`s in front of you.

What`s in front of you, that`s the closest thing to the truth in a world full of make believe.

It`s not always perfect, but you`ll find these perfect moments.

And perhaps, it`s enough...

(Music)