All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E83.Charlie.and.the.Return.of.The.Danger.Girl.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

Hey, guys.

Do I want to know about
the racing gear?

- I can explain.
- No, actually, I was
asking myself.

Do I want to know about
the racing gear?

No, Patrick, you don't.

This girl I'm dating wants
to do some motocross later

and the outfit's a little snug,
so I'm stretching it out.

You know why
it's snug, don't you?

Yeah, because my girlfriend
picked it out and I look
awesome in it.

No, because when you break
every bone in your body,

it'll keep them in the general
shape of a human skeleton.

Well, that's not true.

Is that true?

Yeah. I was totally in love
with a guy who did motocross.

But he broke
his spine and when they
put him back together,

he was shorter than me, so,
you know, he had to go.

Well, I'm not worried.

It's just racing on a dirt
track with a couple of jumps.

Kids do this all the time.
And super cool adults.

So anybody got anything
else they want to discuss?

Yeah, I do.
And I'm really excited.

You know that money
my dad's giving me to start
a new business?

Wait a minute.
Her father's giving
her more money?

The only thing my father
ever gave me

was a healthy suspicion
of people that look
like her father.

I think your father gave
you a healthy suspicion

of everybody
who wasn't white.

That's true.
He was a good man.

Anyways, after
seriously considering

what I could offer the world
to make it a better place,

I've decided to start

a really expensive
line of shoes.

I think that's great.

And so does 1%
of the rest of the world.

But the best news is
Lacey's decided to make me

her new shoe company's
head designer.

And I've already
got a ton of ideas.

The Patrick wedge.
The Patrick heel.

And a sandal
I'm calling the Lacey.

I'm not really happy
with the design yet.

Eventually it'll
be called the Patrick.

Hold on a second.
I'm your boyfriend

and you never called
me for help.

Why didn't you
want me involved?

Oh, well, this is
important to me

and I don't trust you.

That came out wrong.
What I meant to say is

I don't trust you
with this

or anything else
that's important to me.

I think that that
came out wrong, too.

Charlie, could you
help me out here?

No, I think you got
a great hole going.

I say keep digging.

What about you, Charlie?
You trust me, don't you?

Of course I do.

I think you're
an incredibly capable young man

who everybody
underestimates at times.

Thank you.
At least someone
respects me.

Yeah, a grown man dressed
like a 12-year-old boy

who's going dirt biking
with a bunch of kids.

And cool adults, okay?

And cool adults.

[ theme music playing ]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What happened to your arm?
- Remember Allie?

The waitress
with the glass eye?

That was Ellie.

The lawyer that called you
Your Honor during sex?

That was Sally.

This is Allie, the girl
that was into having sex
in dangerous places.

So you hurt
your arm having sex?
Where, in your backyard?

My backyard, what?

Your backyard is dangerous.
I stepped on a rake
the other day.

In cartoons that's funny,
in real life it hurts
like hell.

Actually, we were
racing dirt bikes.

She's over having sex
in dangerous places.

Now she's into having sex
after doing dangerous things.

Like what?

Well, we've been
speedboat racing,

rock climbing.

The closer she comes
to cheating death,

the greater the sex is.

She's a sexual
adrenaline junkie.

That is a problem.

She's gonna get crazier
and crazier until somebody
gets seriously hurt.

That's not gonna happen.
She's not pressuring me to do
anything I don't want to do.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go put Neosporin

on any place
that I still have skin.

Oh, my God,
bungee jumping
was so hot.

My heart
is still pounding.
Feel.

Oh, my God.
On the way down,

did you keep your eyes
open or closed?

I don't know.
I was pretty much watching
my childhood go by.

[ laughs ]
Oh, Charlie,

I love that you're
up for anything.

Well, real men
fear nothing.

Except maybe the boredom
of going bungee jumping
a second time.

How boring
would that be?
Boring.

No, I want to do something
way crazier next time.

Something that
I've never done before.

Have you ever been
skydiving?

Uh, skydiving?

You're not scared,
are you?

Why would I be scared?

I love July 4th
at the ballpark.

I can't believe that anyone
can jump from a plane

and land on that tiny
target in center field.

Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen,
look to the skies

as our founding fathers
George Washington

and Ben Franklin
fly through the air

and land on the Declaration
of Independence.

Shouldn't George Washington's
parachute be open by now?

Gonzalez!
Get off the mound!

- [ thuds ]
- Oh!

Oh, my God.

Wait, where's
Ben Franklin?

I don't know.
I don't see him.

[ thuds ]

[ screaming ]

You want to know
what's really scary?

A Ferris wheel.

Ferris wheel?

Well, sure.
One loose pin,

that thing goes rolling
down the Santa Monica Pier

taking out jugglers,
mimes, children.

It's a mess.

Well, I've always wanted
to jump out of a plane.

So if you're good to go,
so am I.

Yay, skydiving.

Oh, I am so excited.
Are you excited?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I feel like

Ben Franklin
on the 4th of July.

- Wayne, can I
ask you something?
- Shoot.

Do you have
any fears that you
just couldn't get over?

No, but I've come across
plenty of people who have.

My usual advice is,

"Shh, it'll be over soon."

Why, you got some
sort of fear you can't
get over, Charlie?

Well, I'm supposed
to jump out of a plane
with my girlfriend.

Don't be afraid.
Parachute accidents
happen all the time.

No one's gonna believe
you killed her.

I don't want
to kill her, Wayne.

You know, maybe I should
ask someone else.

This is relationship talk
and you're more

of a love 'em and leave 'em
in a landfill kind of guy.

Sometimes I don't
even love 'em.

Hey, Jordan.

You ever done any research
on overcoming fears?

- Like what?
- Oh, I don't know.

Like, maybe skydiving.

Actually, I have.

My research turned up
a lot of evidence

to support that people
with a fear of skydiving

have lower testosterone
and smaller genitals.

As a matter of fact,
eunuchs throughout history--

All right, all right.
I know that you know
that it's me, okay?

Yeah.
That was fun.

Why are you
going skydiving?

Well, I'm dating this girl
who gets off on doing
dangerous stuff.

And the sex afterwards
is always amazing.

So you're willing to risk
your life for amazing sex?

Hey, I've risked my life
for other stuff.

I once dove into a rushing
river to save a puppy

and all that did was make
some stupid kid happy.

Thanks for mixing up sex
with a story about a puppy.

Anything else you want
to destroy for me?

I got laid in the back
of a Build-A-Bear one time.

I don't want to hear it!

Look, I don't know
what to do.

I'm jumping this weekend
and I have to get over
this fear.

Fine, I actually have done
some research in this area

and I can come over
and help you.

But all I'm gonna
get out of it is making
some stupid kid happy.

Yay, I'm gonna have
great sex.

We realize this is
very late notice,
Mr. Wangchuck,

but we have a trade show
coming up next week

and we're wondering if we
could get samples of our
shoe line immediately.

I designed them.
These are the pictures.

Do you like them?
I designed them.

Very nice.
Cutting edge.

You start whole new
fashion trend.

So can you get them
to us that quickly?

Oh, yeah.
If you need them
back in five days,

we have them
here in four.

Sign contract.
You be very happy.

Did you
hear that, Patrick?
We be very happy.

I be very happy
right now.

Uh, yeah, that's great.
Sorry, just one
quick question.

This picture
of your factory floor,

those aren't children,
are they?

No.

We are a race
of small, adorable,
hairless people.

But they looked
so unhappy.

Not at all.
In Bhutan, this is
how we smile.

So those aren't children?

No, they're adults.

Because they looked
like they were nine.

In Bhutan, you become
an adult at eight.

Vote at nine.
Drink at 10.

- I'm sold.
- No.

I will not have my shoes
made by second graders.

Who would normally
be doing what?

Like, finger painting?

At least this way they'll
be making how much?

Two cents a day.

Which is a lot
in Bhutan, right?

No.

We're out of here.
I can find someplace else.

I will not have
the blood of children's
hands on my shoes.

That never happen.
We make them wear gloves.

You're a monster.

We make monster costume
for Halloween.

Kids love to wear
and make.

Only little bit
flammable.

Okay, look, I'm not afraid
of being on my roof.

I'm afraid of jumping
out of an airplane.

I know.
We're gonna do some
visualization exercises

where I have you
imagine that you're about
to jump out of a plane.

I just figured it would
be best if we were closer
to the sky, you know?

You know I had sex
up here once?

We were gonna do it
under the stars,

but we wound up doing it
under a news chopper.

They never found
that cat burglar,

but the whole neighborhood
could identify my ass.

Charming.

Now I want you
to close your eyes

and visualize
that you're in the plane.

The doors are open,
you can feel the wind
on your face.

[ trilling ]

- What's that?
- That's the engine.

- [ trilling ]
- That doesn't sound good.

This bucket of bolts
is going down.

This does not feel
like I'm skydiving.

[ sighs ]
Fine.

I filled this backpack
with books

so that it was the same
weight as a parachute.

Put it on and maybe
that'll make it feel
more real.

I'm not putting that thing on.
I'll just fall off the roof.

You are not
going to fall.

Here, I'll show you.

[ screams ]

Holy crap.
Are you okay?

I don't know.
I fell into the bushes,

but I think
I twisted my ankle.

Well, thank God
that's all.

Why didn't you
pull your chute?

- [ Jordan groans ]
- Too soon?

Here's your not-too-cold,
mountain spring,

not-from-America
bottle of water.

That's better.

So what we did up there,
did it help you?

Well, let's see,
I saw someone get injured

falling from
nine feet up,

so multiply that injury
by 1,000 feet

and that's how much
it helped.

- [ doorbell rings ]
- Oh!

Did you order a pizza?

We could sit here,
watch a movie and make
a night of it.

No, that's Nolan.
I called him to take
you home.

You've only been here
an hour and I'm ready
to jump off the roof.

Hey, Charlie.
Got the limo.
Where's the patient?

I'm over here, Nolan.

Can you grab my stuff?
It's in the kitchen.

Sure.
So how'd it happen?

She put on
this backpack--

Say no more.
Those things
are a hazard.

You might as well
strap on a rabid monkey.

Nolan, I don't say this
enough as your therapist,

but you are
a fascinating man.

So why were you
on the roof?

She was trying
to help me get over
my fear of skydiving.

Oh, I can help
you do that.

I've jumped
dozens of times.

I spent the summers
working at my uncle's
skydiving school.

Well, thanks, Nolan,
but you helping me

could really cripple our
doctor-patient relationship.

Especially if
I end up crippled.

I'm serious.
I really know what
I'm doing with this.

It's not like building
a career or managing finance

or trying to create
a super pet by crossing
a Chihuahua and a fruit bat.

Why would you do that?

A fruit bat is already
basically a flying Chihuahua.

I know.
You don't think I want
those years back?

Come on, Charlie.
You said that you
trusted me in group.

Now is your chance
to prove it.

- I know, but--
- I get it.

You don't trust me
with anything important.
No one does.

Nolan's an idiot.
Fine. Good-bye.

Nolan, I trust you.

Just with different
important things.

Oh, yeah?
Name one thing.

Okay.

I trust that if I had
a date coming over

and she loved
Hot Pockets

that you'd know
which flavor

pairs best with Sunny D.

You didn't even try.

It's ham and cheese!

[ knocking ]

[ gasps ]
Oh, my God,
they're here.

I told you we'd find
a local factory

that would finish
it in time.

Look at all these
boxes of shoes.

It's like Christmas

or any other day
when I buy myself
a lot of shoes.

They're beautiful.
I'm trying them on.

Yes, they're beautiful,

but I also designed them
to be uncomfortable.

That's how you know
they're expensive.

You want
comfortable shoes,
go to Target.

Oh, my God.

The heel broke.
Are they all like that?

Relax.
Probably just one
bad apple.

I'm sure
the rest are fine.

Well, the rhinestones
are just coming off
of this one.

You know what?
I knew this would happen.

We should have let
the Bhutanese kids do it.

I refuse to give my money
to a sweatshop.

They're sweating because
they're doing it right.

Calm down.

I'm sure we can
just pop the rhinestones
back into place.

Oh, my fingers
are too big.

What are we going to do?
The trade show is tomorrow.

I'll tell you what
we're not going to do.

We are not going
to freak out.

Get back in there,
you stupid little
hillbilly diamond!

- [ doorbell rings ]
- I'll get it.

Is Mr. Fitzpatrick home?

I have the cookies
he ordered.

Oh, my.

Your hands,
they're so small
and dainty.

Patrick, look.

Wow.

Maisy, can you pop this
rhinestone back into place?

Sure.

[ gasps ]
Wasn't that fun?

Do you like cookies?

Yeah, but we just sell them.
We're not allowed to eat them.

Well, that doesn't
seem right.

Wow, thanks.

Those must be hard
to eat without milk.

You want some milk?

Well, you can have
all the milk you want

right after you call
the rest of your troop
and get them over here

for a big milk and cookie
arts and crafts

fix that box
of shoes party.

You know, Nolan,
I usually don't say this
to a lot of customers,

but the way you eat
disgusts me.

You know why you don't say
that to a lot of customers?

Because they take back
their tips.

Oh, no, there goes the home
I was building in France.

Nolan, where the hell
have you been?

You're not returning
my texts, haven't been
to group all week.

Because I know
what you're gonna say.

You're really sorry
you didn't trust me

and to make it up to me,
you're gonna buy me a new car.

Well, I am sorry,
but I'm not gonna
buy you a new car.

There we go.

I'm not sure
how much of this abuse
I'm expected to take.

Look, I've been
thinking about it
past couple of days,

and I would really
love for you to help me
with the skydiving.

Really?

You trust me enough to put
your life in my hands?

When you hear it
out loud, it kind of
hits in a different way.

But, yes, yes.
I need a pro
and you're a pro.

All right, but I can
only teach you once
we're up in the plane.

My uncle showed me
a special technique

for helping
nervous jumpers.

Oh, he was a great man.

God rest his crushed
and shattered soul.

What happened,
his chute didn't open?

No, he died in his sleep.
He was 92 years old.

Oh, thank God.

He nodded off
during his last jump

and was blown into
the gorilla habitat

at the San Diego Zoo.

The gorillas
took it from there.

Well, they are
kind of territorial.

I am so gonna grab
your ass on the way down.

The instructor
was very clear

about maintaining
proper spacing.

Your leg is really sweaty.

I think that's your hand,
not my leg.

Probably because
you're nervous.

There, there.

Allie, you're up.

It's my turn.

Last one to earth
is a rotten egg.

Whoo-hoo!

Make a note.
Her last two words

were whoo and hoo.

You're up, Charlie.

It's my turn
and so far

you haven't
done anything to help me.
I'm freaking out here.

There's plenty of time
for this to work.

Now, just stand up.

And close your eyes.

Try to relax.

Okay, what next?

This!

[ screams ]

He was wearing
the chute, right?

Let's go, girls.
Time is cookies.

Can I take a break?
I'm tired.

You've already had
your break.

But you can drink
all the coffee you want.

I have to go
to the bathroom.

Oh, of course, dear.
Just past the kitchen.

Take your work.
Take your work.

Can you open a window?
It smells bad in here.

It smells bad in here
because your sister puked.

She's four.
She's eating the glue.

And this is her nap time.

Well, I'm 30
and this is my nap time.

My God,
look what we've done.

I know.

I'm so proud of us making
our product in America.

Hey, you two,
stop talking.

- Last thing we need
is a union.
- Mm-hmm.

[ knocking ]

Coming.

- Hey.
- Hey, Charlie.

You got a minute?

Nolan, you and I talked.
We're good.

And I'm with Allie right now
passionately celebrating

the fact that I'm not dead.

It won't take long.
I know you forgave me
after you jumped,

but just in case there's
any hard feelings,

I want to give you
this plant.

Oh, well,
that's very sweet.

It's an African
milk bush.

Couple things--
it's got to be inside,
but in direct sun.

You got to feed it
three or four times a day

and water it when
it's dry to the touch.

You got to repot it during
the peak growing season,

which is between June
and July, but you can
only use a clay pot.

And there's a small
chance it could be full
of red spider mites.

You won't know until
they're in your carpeting.

Well, thank you
for the apology.

And for my new
part-time job.

You sure you're
not mad at me?

'Cause I could swear
you were cussing me out

after I pushed you
out of the plane.

Nolan, you helped me
get over a major fear.

I was yelling,
"Thank you, Nolan.
Thank you."

Then why did you say,
"Go thank yourself"?

Because I thought
you should have given

yourself some credit too.

Charlie, I just figured
out what we should do next.

There's a place where
you can swim with sharks.

And just to make it
more exciting,

they put you in a cage
covered in meat.

I don't know
what else to say

except "thank you."

So we're good?

Yeah, yeah.

But I got
to break up with her.

Can I give her
this plant?

Sure.