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1
00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:02,698
So I pulled my limo
into the gas station,
2
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:05,527
and then I realized
my tank was on the other side,
3
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:06,919
so I had to back it out,
4
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:09,052
which is hard
because it's a stretch.
5
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:11,272
Which is an industry
term for long.
6
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:13,187
Charlie!
7
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:14,536
I know we have
a no hitting rule,
8
00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:17,713
but am I allowed
to hit myself to stay awake?
9
00:00:17,756 --> 00:00:20,063
Nolan, we all
care about you
10
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:22,065
and we know you love
being a chauffer--
11
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:24,111
How did you know that word?
Are you in the industry?
12
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:28,202
No, but I am
on the planet.
13
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,812
Look, we're thrilled
for you,
14
00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:32,162
but we'd love to hear about
another aspect of your life.
15
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:35,078
Well, I did have an incident
with some clowns once
16
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,080
- that really upset me.
- Go for it.
17
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:40,170
Well, I drove some clowns
to the circus yesterday.
18
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:41,911
Unfortunately,
there were only three.
19
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:45,393
It took them almost no time
to get out of the limo.
20
00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:48,744
- That's a limo story.
- I see it as a clown story.
21
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:51,268
I see you
as a clown story.
22
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,967
Moving on.
Patrick...
23
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:56,491
Wednesday is your
interview at "Vogue."
24
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,406
That's a big opportunity
for you, isn't it?
25
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:01,191
Actually, I'm not going
to be able to make it.
26
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:04,977
Somebody gave me
some really good tickets
to a sports game.
27
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,328
Ah, yes, the great
American pastime,
28
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,894
sports game.
29
00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:12,724
It's baseball, okay?
30
00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:14,378
Oh, yeah?
Who's playing?
31
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,511
Uh, Atlanta and...
32
00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,904
Just pick any city.
33
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,819
Milan?
34
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:25,172
Patrick, why are you
dodging this interview?
35
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,043
[ sighs ]
Because it's a waste
of time.
36
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,871
They're not gonna
hire me.
37
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:31,613
Besides, I'm happy selling
clothes at the mall.
38
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:33,528
You hate selling
clothes at the mall.
39
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,138
Actually,
it's grown on me.
40
00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:36,705
The unwashed masses.
41
00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:38,533
The fluorescent lighting.
42
00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:40,143
Fat women
trying on dresses
43
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,058
with their Cinnabon-covered
fingers.
44
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,365
I love it!
Can we please move on?
45
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:47,368
Oh, my God, last night
I woke up from a dream
46
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:50,066
where I ate an entire box
of Cinnabons.
47
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,981
But it's okay, because then
I went back to sleep
48
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:54,026
and dreamt that I was
throwing them up.
49
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:56,333
Well, at least
you're not starving
yourself in your dreams.
50
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,509
Cool.
51
00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:01,469
Patrick,
a couple of weeks ago
you were fighting
52
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,558
tooth and nail to get
this interview,
53
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,168
and now you're
just blowing it off.
54
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,996
- What the hell happened?
- Nothing.
55
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,346
I just thought about it
and I realized
56
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:12,393
I'm not
"Vogue" material.
57
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:15,744
Okay, okay, this sounds like
a self-esteem issue.
58
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,181
The last time
we were in this territory,
it seemed connected to--
59
00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,617
Don't say my mom.
It's not my mom.
60
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,837
It has nothing to do
with my mom.
61
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,840
Okay, well, then we can
cross mom off the list.
62
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:28,191
Hey. Time's up.
I got to go.
63
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:30,237
We're not done
talking about this.
64
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,760
See you all
next Thursday.
65
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,939
Hey, Charlie,
can you give me a ride
to the mechanic?
66
00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:38,680
Uh, sure.
What's the problem?
67
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,508
The electrical system
went out on my car again.
68
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:42,597
It's this damn...
69
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,207
car that I bought.
70
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,644
I don't want to get
into it in front of Ed.
71
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,125
Why don't you want
to get into it
in front of me?
72
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,214
Is it because you
bought an American car
73
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:53,434
and now you're about
to insult American
workmanship?
74
00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,654
Well, you're
into it with Ed.
75
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,178
I'll go grab my keys.
76
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,790
You're the one
who started this,
not me.
77
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,749
Kids like you
got no idea of
patriotism.
78
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:07,578
I drove American cars
my whole life.
79
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:09,319
Drove or pushed?
80
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,930
You know, you're nothing
but a little punk.
81
00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,410
Yeah, Sean,
he's right.
82
00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:15,064
You're a dick.
83
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:17,588
That's young person
for punk.
84
00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:20,461
Why are you
taking Ed's side?
You don't even like him.
85
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,550
Because you're
a lying son of a bitch
86
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:25,205
who cheated on me
and never apologized.
87
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,337
And also
that car thing.
88
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,252
Come on!
Let's do this thing!
89
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:30,993
I'm not going
to fight you, Ed.
90
00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:33,952
Why not? You think
I'm too old to kick
your ass?
91
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:36,390
Well, I'd like
to introduce you
to Lee Marvin
92
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,479
and Charles Bronson.
93
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:41,612
I have no idea
who those people are.
94
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:44,746
Charles Bronson?
"Death Wish"?
95
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,182
Sorry.
96
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,053
"Death Wish 2."
97
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,447
Honestly, I don't
know this man.
98
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,841
"Death Wish 3."
99
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,627
Right. Yeah.
Oh, the third one.
100
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,803
Yeah, he was scary.
101
00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:01,850
Don't you
patronize me!
102
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:05,201
I've got a good mind
to clean your clock
right now,
103
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,898
but I've got
an appointment
with the VA
104
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,509
that took me
17 months to get
105
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,075
and I'm not
giving that up
for anybody.
106
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,737
[ clears throat ]
107
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,348
You better watch
your back.
108
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,175
Ed's coming for ya.
109
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,047
I don't have to
watch my back.
110
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,701
I'll just listen
for wheezing and I'll
slowly turn around.
111
00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:29,399
[ theme music playing ]
112
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,147
Hey, guys.
113
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,757
Jordan, I thought you
were coming by yourself.
114
00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:42,804
No, we're going
to this French
art house movie
115
00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:44,980
as soon as we're done
with whatever you need
me for. What's up?
116
00:04:45,023 --> 00:04:46,851
I'm having a private session
with Patrick tonight
117
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,418
and I could use your help,
but if you guys are going
to the movies...
118
00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:50,420
No, no, no, no.
We don't have to go
to the movies.
119
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,814
- She'll help.
- I thought you wanted
to go the the movie.
120
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,859
I love subtitled,
animated,
121
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:57,688
French musicals.
122
00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,516
But let's not be selfish
just because we're both
123
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,650
dying to see,
"Le Petit Cat."
124
00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,260
Thank you, Sean.
125
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,914
So, what do you
want me to do?
126
00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:08,003
Well, I want to try
some role-playing therapy.
127
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,570
Patrick is having
some confidence issues
128
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,659
and it might have something
to do with his mother.
129
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,225
What makes you
think that?
130
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,662
Mostly because he jumped
off my couch today
131
00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,490
screaming,
"It's not about my mother!"
132
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:19,014
Got it. So you want me
to play his mom.
133
00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,103
Oh, that sounds like fun.
I'll be the dad.
134
00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:23,061
Yeah, I don't need you
to play the dad.
135
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,715
Why don't you play
le petit neighbor
136
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,283
who goes back to his house
where he belongs?
137
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,198
Quick question for you.
Is Patrick from Boston?
138
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,765
Because I can do
a wicked "Bahston" accent.
139
00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:33,028
You hear the way
I just said "Bahston"?
It was perfect.
140
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,160
We're not putting
on a play here.
141
00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:37,685
And even if we were,
that's a terrible accent.
It's "Bahston."
142
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:39,382
Ah, you might want
to trust me.
143
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,253
It's "Bahston."
It's wicked hard to do.
144
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,386
- "Bahston."
- It's "Bahston."
145
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,519
- No, no, no.
It's "Bahston."
- No, it's "Bahston."
146
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,521
- "Bahston." "Bahston."
- It's "Bahston."
147
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:50,045
- She said--
- You're not playing
the dad!
148
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,092
- Patrick: Charlie?
- That's him. Let's go.
149
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:57,487
[ exhales ]
Okay.
150
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,662
- Sean.
- Yes?
151
00:05:58,706 --> 00:05:59,968
You step one foot
in that living room,
152
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,448
I will give you
a wicked "hahd" beatdown.
153
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,540
Hey, Patrick.
Why don't you sit down
154
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,106
and we'll talk about
what we're doing tonight?
155
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,458
What is she doing here?
156
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,156
We are going to do
a little role-playing
157
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:17,115
to help you understand
why you're blowing off
this amazing opportunity.
158
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,466
I'm gonna be your mother.
159
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:22,251
Now sit up straight.
You'll never catch a man
with that slouch.
160
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,385
That's what my mother
would say.
161
00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:26,821
My mother would
never say that.
162
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:28,649
- What would she say?
- She wouldn't.
163
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:31,260
It's 8:30, she's already
had three glasses
164
00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:32,696
of her special vodka
lime juicy
165
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,830
and she's face down
on the kitchen floor.
166
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:38,702
Well, if her not
being there for you
made you feel unworthy
167
00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,704
and not entitled
to pursue your dream job,
168
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,184
you should tell her
how you feel.
169
00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:45,448
You know, there is something
I need to get off my chest.
170
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,190
- Mom.
- Yes, Pattycakes?
171
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:51,106
I really hate
role-playing.
172
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:54,762
Charlie, the fact
that I'm not qualified
for the "Vogue" job
173
00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:57,460
has absolutely nothing
to do with the fact
174
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,114
that my mother
thought of vodka
175
00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:01,421
as the child that never
disappointed her.
176
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:03,423
I'm out of here.
177
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:06,034
[ Bostonian accent ]
Hey, hey, you get back
in here, boy,
178
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,078
and you listen
to your mother.
179
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:11,039
Sorry, Charlie,
as a father,
180
00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:13,258
I did the best
I could.
181
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,999
You can leave now.
182
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:18,916
You still have time to make it
to "Le Petit Cat."
183
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,657
Oh, damn it.
184
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,272
Hey, Ed.
185
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:31,668
- I need your help.
- All right.
186
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:33,583
Nobody takes you serious
187
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,977
because you're always
coming out of your top.
188
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,414
You're welcome.
189
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,416
Um, no.
190
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,984
I told Sean that
you would fight him
and I need you to do it.
191
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:45,552
Oh, give me a break.
I'm not gonna fight Sean.
192
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,205
He's half my age.
193
00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:49,033
And besides, I'm not
gonna risk anything
194
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:51,427
happening
to my money maker.
195
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:55,213
Come on, Ed.
You're young and vital.
196
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:56,737
And if you hit him
hard enough,
197
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,260
maybe you can break up
198
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,654
some of those
calcium deposits
in your knuckles.
199
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:04,440
Why is this
so important to you?
200
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,529
The man cheated
on you a year ago.
201
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:09,140
- Just let it go.
- I can't.
202
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:10,881
Haven't you ever
been in a situation
203
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:13,493
where somebody
humiliated you and
you just keep wishing
204
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:15,190
you could go back
and get even?
205
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:18,323
Yeah, Vietnam.
206
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,501
Okay, you have Vietnam,
I have Sean cheated on me.
207
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:22,502
We've both
been through stuff.
208
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:28,986
Look, I'd like to kick
the hell out of him,
but I just can't.
209
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:30,945
Yeah, I guess not.
210
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:33,164
But if we both pitch in,
211
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:35,863
we could hire somebody
off of craigslist
to do it for us.
212
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:39,693
All right, but you better
vet him carefully.
213
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:42,522
I once hired
a Korean massage girl
214
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:45,742
from that thing
for a neck rub
215
00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:48,223
and she molested me.
216
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,661
I'm sorry?
217
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:55,535
All right,
before we begin,
218
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:57,232
I believe that Cleo
has an announcement
he'd like to make.
219
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:59,408
Thank you, Charlie.
220
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:02,019
As you all know, I recently
started a drama department.
221
00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,934
Everybody's always saying
I'm drama, drama, drama,
222
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:06,633
so I started a department.
223
00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:10,767
And our opening season
is going to be Shakespeare.
224
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,726
Well, that's great.
225
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,902
Now, is this going
to be real Shakespeare?
226
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:17,469
'Cause I didn't
recognize some of the titles
on the flier.
227
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,646
"Henry Pleads the Fifth."
228
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:23,606
"Romeo In Joliet."
229
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,914
And "As You Lick It."
230
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:28,698
Well, that last one
is a typo.
231
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,613
Is should read
"Ass, You Lick It."
232
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:37,489
Anyway, I cast my first lead
in the role of Hamlet.
233
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:42,233
So I'd like to
congratulate Ernesto.
234
00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:44,235
Yes! I knew it.
235
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:47,021
[ applauding ]
236
00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:49,066
Well, you did kill
your stepfather when
you were a teenager,
237
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:51,068
so I guess it makes sense.
238
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:53,070
Ooh, do that thing
you did at the audition
239
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,724
where Hamlet
stabs Claudius.
240
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,815
I need a moment
to center.
241
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:01,078
[ exhales ]
242
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:03,124
Venom, to thy work.
243
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,430
Pop, pop, pop!
244
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,302
And stay down, bitch!
245
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,044
I'm playing with
the language.
246
00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:13,787
Yes, when doing Shakespeare,
one's always encouraged
247
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,702
to play
with the language.
248
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:18,095
I'm serious about
my acting, Charlie.
249
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:21,577
I even asked the guards
if I could go back to
the house I grew up in
250
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:25,799
to remember
those feelings
of murder and rage
251
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:28,410
so I could better
entertain people.
252
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:30,847
Ernesto,
you're a genius.
253
00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:33,720
[ chuckles ]
I don't know about
a genius.
254
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,547
I'm talking about taking
another client of mine
255
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:36,723
back to the house
where he grew up
256
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:38,333
so he can confront
some childhood memories.
257
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,074
Ooh, so who did
this person kill?
258
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,989
'Cause I'm looking for
the lead in my next play,
259
00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:45,209
"Tight-Ass Andronicus."
260
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:47,472
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
261
00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:49,300
I just got to figure out
a way to get him there.
262
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:52,347
I got it.
Just take some chloroform
and knock him out.
263
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:55,698
Duct tape his feet
to his head and throw
him in your trunk.
264
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:58,483
Or we could spend
two extra minutes
265
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,660
and think
of anything else.
266
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:08,406
All right, read back
what we got so far.
267
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:10,321
Okay.
"Looking for a man
268
00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:12,759
to severely beat
our therapist's friend."
269
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,412
Sound good?
270
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:17,633
No! We're both
gonna go to jail.
271
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,635
You've got to be
more cryptic.
272
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,768
I'll put severely beat
in quotes.
273
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,857
That can mean anything.
274
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,989
You are "dumb as a post."
275
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,165
I put dumb as a post
in quotes,
276
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:31,212
but you're still
dumb as a post.
277
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:34,563
You can't put an ad
like that online.
278
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:36,739
Why not?
This is America.
279
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,785
We have, like,
freedom of speech.
280
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,700
The only thing you're not
allowed to say is fire
281
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,484
in a crowded theater.
282
00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:45,661
Which is stupid because
what if there's a fire
283
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:49,056
or the movie
is about fire?
284
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:53,147
Damn it, you
just gave me a reason
why we can't do this.
285
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:55,192
No, it's okay.
I took out the part
286
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,152
where I said I was going
to light him on fire.
287
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:00,110
I'm just saying
this is America
288
00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:02,765
and Sean has a right to say
anything he wants to say,
289
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,246
even if it trashes
our country.
290
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:11,078
But he cheated
on me, Ed.
291
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,688
Isn't that un-American?
292
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:16,779
No, that's as American
as it gets.
293
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:20,696
I mean, he had something
good and wanted more.
294
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,481
That's the American dream.
295
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:27,268
Wait, did you just say
I was something good?
296
00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:30,227
Well, I've been drinking
a lot of these IPAs.
297
00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:32,752
Must have got to me.
298
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,102
Come on, did you
really mean it?
299
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:37,452
Well, sure.
300
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:41,499
I don't know why
you're wasting another
second on this imbecile.
301
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:44,589
You are a strong-willed
spitfire.
302
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:47,157
You deserve a lot more.
Just move on.
303
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:49,594
I don't know
what that means,
304
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,120
but I feel like
it's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
305
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,817
It is.
306
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,166
But don't tell anybody.
307
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,301
This is weird, Charlie.
308
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:02,825
Well, I felt bad
about sandbagging you
the other night
309
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,218
with the whole
role-playing thing,
310
00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:06,176
so I thought,
what the hell,
I'll hire a limo
311
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:07,874
and take you to see
"Book of Mormon."
312
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,528
You know, people always
think I'm a Mormon.
313
00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,530
They're always saying,
"Watch where you're going,
you Mormon."
314
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:14,576
Don't eat that,
you Mormon."
315
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,230
They're not
saying Mormon.
316
00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:19,407
They're saying moron,
you moron.
317
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:23,063
You mean I could
have eaten, then?
318
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,282
I don't know. I'm sorry.
This feels like a trick.
319
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,241
I got to tell you,
I'm a little offended
by that.
320
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,243
Okay, we're here.
321
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,288
Wait, this--
322
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:33,203
this is where
I grew up.
323
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:35,553
Okay, it was a trick.
324
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:39,383
"The Book of Mormon"
tickets are for tomorrow.
325
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,472
It's at Eagle Rock High.
326
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,039
It starts at 7:00.
327
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:45,650
Or whenever they get
the volleyball net down.
328
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:47,827
What do you think
I'm gonna do?
329
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,525
Go in there and have
some big catharsis?
330
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,657
Well, forget it.
It's just a house.
331
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,008
It has no meaning
to me whatsoever.
332
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,313
Well, then there's
no reason to avoid it.
333
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:58,446
Let's just go in there
and check it out.
334
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:01,188
I can't right now
because I've forgotten
how to breathe.
335
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,277
Okay.
Okay, relax, Patrick.
336
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,932
You're having
a panic attack.
Think of a happy place.
337
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:08,195
"The Book of Mormon."
338
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:10,762
A professional production.
339
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:14,549
Another happy place
under $300.
340
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,072
Nolan, you got
any booze in here?
341
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,292
No. The last guy
drank it all.
342
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:21,164
And don't ask me who it was,
Mr. DiCaprio,
343
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,384
because I'm not allowed to say
who my clients are.
344
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,257
Damn it.
345
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,259
I can't catch my breath.
346
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:31,740
I'm gonna die 30 feet away
from where I grew up.
347
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,134
I've done nothing
with my life.
348
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:37,441
Patrick, relax.
This feeling is not
going to last forever.
349
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:41,054
Especially if you take
a couple hits off of this.
350
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,708
Nolan, I am not
going to get one
of my patients high.
351
00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:45,058
You give it to him.
352
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,019
Whoa, before he hits
that thing,
353
00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:51,847
just how strong
is this stuff, Nolan?
354
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,980
Well, it's called
OG Kush.
355
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,938
And he's gonna feel
some euphoria
356
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:58,636
along with a decrease
in stress and anxiety.
357
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,987
Oh, cool.
Go for it.
358
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:04,338
Possibly followed
by some hallucinations.
359
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:05,948
No, no, stop,
Patrick, stop.
360
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,819
Too late.
[ coughs ]
361
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,567
[ exhales ]
362
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:17,917
All right,
let's do this.
363
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,309
You feel okay
to go in?
364
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:22,573
You've asked me that,
like, 30 times.
365
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:24,445
That's the first time
I've asked you that.
366
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:28,144
Why are you so obsessed
with who is first and last?
367
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:30,973
It is not a race.
Let's just be.
368
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,585
[ doorbell rings ]
369
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:35,978
Can I help you?
370
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,893
Yeah, hi, I'm Charlie.
This is my friend Patrick.
371
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,157
He used to live here
and he'd love to come in
and take a look around.
372
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:43,464
He's trying to cope
with a devastating loss.
373
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:47,120
It's true.
I was supposed to be
at "The Book of Mormon."
374
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,732
Look, I got
things to do
375
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:53,778
and I don't have
all day for him to look
around my house.
376
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:57,043
But if you want
to come in for a minute,
that's fine.
377
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,001
Thank you so much.
378
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:00,698
Your top is really
freaking me out.
379
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,835
Can I get either of you
a glass of water?
380
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:08,619
That would be great.
Thank you.
381
00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:14,321
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
382
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:15,844
Okay. Okay.
383
00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:17,933
You're having an emotional
reaction to your surroundings.
384
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,239
Tell me
what you're feeling.
385
00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,937
This couch is terrible.
386
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:25,593
It doesn't match anything.
It's too big for the room.
387
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:28,552
I think that woman is crazy.
Do not drink the water.
388
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:32,208
Patrick, it's okay.
389
00:16:32,252 --> 00:16:34,384
It's just weird being
in your childhood home
when you're high.
390
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:36,212
And I'd know.
That was the first
18 years of my life.
391
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:40,564
- Here we go.
- Thank you.
392
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:43,045
If you set it down,
there's a coaster
on the table.
393
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:45,439
Oh, really?
I need to use a coaster
394
00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:46,744
when I put a glass
on a table?
395
00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:48,877
I had no idea
because I'm stupid!
396
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,532
She would never tell Carl
to use a coaster.
397
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:53,229
He's the smart one.
398
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,579
I'm gonna go to the window
and look at the squirrels.
399
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:57,451
Maybe I'll learn something.
400
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:03,239
What is he talking about?
Who the hell is Carl?
401
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:06,808
I have a gun.
Don't think I'm not
strapped in my own house.
402
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,942
Carl is his brother.
He's on a mild sedative
403
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,466
and I think he's imagining
that he's a kid again
404
00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:13,902
and that you're his mom.
405
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:17,732
He thinks I'm his mom?
Has he seen me?
406
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,995
Mild sedative, my ass.
407
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,910
That boy is tripping.
408
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,868
Please, just give us
a couple of minutes.
409
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:25,435
I'll make sure
he uses a coaster.
410
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:28,134
I'll tell him
it's a tiny table
for his water.
411
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:31,180
Okay, fine.
412
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,139
I'm gonna give you
two more minutes,
413
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:36,055
and then I'm gonna
shoot you both.
414
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,708
Fair enough.
415
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,850
Hey, bro.
416
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:51,157
It's Carl,
your brother.
417
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,420
What's up with Mom
undermining your confidence
418
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:55,683
by saying that
I'm the smart one?
419
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:58,251
Charlie, stop it.
You're scaring me.
420
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:00,122
I'm sorry. I thought that
by playing your brother,
421
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,384
I'd get you to open up
even more.
422
00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:04,735
I knew what you were doing.
I'm not stupid.
423
00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:06,346
God!
Take Mom's side!
424
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,611
Mom's side?
425
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:14,267
So right now
I'm your...
426
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:17,096
Therapist.
427
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:20,011
Charlie, if you can't
figure out who you are,
428
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:22,579
I shouldn't be
under your care.
429
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,407
Okay, look,
we've only got a minute.
430
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,757
I think I heard Mom loading
a gun in the other room.
431
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:29,456
The reason you're avoiding
this interview with "Vogue"
432
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:31,153
is because your mother
made you feel like
you're the dumb one.
433
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,416
Yeah, but she
complimented me, too.
434
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,418
She said I was
the pretty one.
435
00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,768
Patrick, you can be
good-looking and smart.
436
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,162
I mean, hello.
437
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,033
I don't know.
438
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:43,992
You can get this job.
You are smart enough
439
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,995
to write about shoes
and purses.
440
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:49,998
I swear that was meant
as a compliment.
441
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,566
- Do you really think so?
- Absolutely.
442
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,263
Now let's get
the hell out of here.
I forgot to use a coaster.
443
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:01,052
Lacey. Ed.
444
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,837
Want to tell me
why you both look
445
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,926
so incredibly hungover?
446
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:08,930
Probably because
we're incredibly hungover.
447
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:12,107
He came over
to my house last night
and we had a few drinks.
448
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,327
No!
This is my nightmare.
449
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,285
I am living
my nightmare.
450
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,200
All this "will they,
won't they" tension
451
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,855
year after year
has finally come to this?
452
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:23,031
Relax, idiot.
453
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,686
We just talked all night
and had a few drinks.
454
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,036
Oh, my God,
it's worse than I thought.
455
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:30,081
If it was just physical,
I could look the other way.
456
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:33,346
But, no,
it's a connection.
457
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:36,305
Nolan, Nolan,
as entertaining as it is
458
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:39,961
for me to let you believe
that Ed is Lacey's boo...
459
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:44,574
you don't have anything
to worry about.
460
00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:48,187
That said, what were
you guys doing last night?
461
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,885
Well, I was having
a few beers
462
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:53,801
and she was going on and on
about old boyfriends
463
00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:56,369
and fears
and anxieties.
464
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:59,328
You never talk about
any of that stuff in here.
465
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:02,810
That's your fault.
You never let me drink.
466
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:05,943
Because the last time
I let you, you stabbed
Nolan with a nail file.
467
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:08,163
And the time before that
you stabbed him with a--
468
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,338
you know what?
I am not gonna have
this talk again.
469
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:14,038
Hey.
There he is.
470
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,171
So, how'd
the interview go?
471
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,173
Fantastic.
I crushed it.
472
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,827
Well, that's great.
473
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:23,309
Yup. They basically offered me
the job in the room.
474
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:26,834
Hence the euphoria
and uncontrollable dancing.
475
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:28,705
There was
just one condition.
476
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,316
I had to take
a drug test.
477
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,448
Oh, that's a problem.
478
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:35,321
THC stays in the system
for up to six days.
479
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,714
I know that now,
thank you very much.
480
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,455
You seem a little tense.
481
00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:41,022
I know what you need.
482
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,721
I will kill you, Nolan.
483
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:47,071
Look, Patrick,
don't get too down.
484
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:50,031
Once in a lifetime
opportunities like that
485
00:20:50,074 --> 00:20:52,686
happen all the time.
486
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:57,256
Charlie, you have
an ice pack?
487
00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:59,736
Yeah, in the kitchen.
What the hell happened to you?
488
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,521
[ sighs ]
489
00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:04,915
I was leaving the club
and some guy came up to me
490
00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:07,178
and told me he was
from craigslist and he
punched me in the face.
491
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:14,098
Okay, so just what
did you guys do?
492
00:21:14,142 --> 00:21:16,362
Uh, nothing.
493
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,625
But it is possible
that when I blacked out
494
00:21:18,668 --> 00:21:20,757
my face hit the keyboard
and I hit enter.
495
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:24,500
God bless America.
37558
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