All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E78.Charlie.and.the.House.full.of.Hookers.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

So I'm buying this bag
and the lady tells me

there's extra
pockets inside

to keep my kid's
snacks in.

And I'm like,
"Does this body look like
it's had a child, bitch?"

So she calls
her manager and--

And you make out
with him so he looks
the other way

and you steal the bag.

Patrick, I told everybody
at the beginning of session

if you interrupt
and don't have something
deeply personal to say...

ahem--

...you have to suffer
the consequences.

- Stick out your tongue.
- Not the habañero sauce.

Rules are rules.
Tongue.

[ groaning ]

Now, here's
the antidote,

but you don't get it
until you say something

personal and revealing.

My father
never loved me.

Something
we don't know.

I write
erotic fan fiction

based on old reruns
of "The Facts of Life."

Not good enough.

Last night Tootie
made Blair wear a saddle.

That's milk worthy.

[ whispers ]
Send me a copy.

Hey, Charlie.
Oh, sorry, I thought
you'd be done by now.

I just came by
to tell Nolan

that I sold all 16
of your grandmother's
silver teakettles

on eBay
in three hours.

That's great.
I really need the cash.

I'm always saying
to my pot dealer,

"I don't know
where all my money goes."

- That's all. I'm gonna go.
- Too late. New rules.

When you
interrupt my group,

you get habañero sauce
on your tongue.

You gotta be
kidding me.

Tongue.

[ whimpering ]

Now, to get
the milk,

say something personal
and revealing.

My ex-husband cheated
on me with the babysitter

and he's a dick.

Very good,
no names, please.

Ahem.
Where were we?

You were fixing
to wind up the session.

No, I wasn't.
We still have, like,
20 minutes left.

It was worth a try.

Hey, Charlie.

Sorry to interrupt.

Your girlfriend's
gotta do it, too.

I'm sorry, sweetie.

Anybody who interrupts
the group

has to put hot sauce
on their tongue.

Oh, all right.

Anyway,
I got great news.

I got the permit
from the city for
my halfway house.

Well, congratulations.

Hey, guys, Sasha
is opening up a place

where prostitutes can live
so they're not on the streets.

Damn, how do you do that?
Your eyes aren't
even watering.

Oh. I had this freaky
client from Japan

who used to pay big bucks
to watch me eat ghost peppers.

[ exhales ]
So, yeah, this?
It's nothing.

Your girlfriend
is such an inspiration
for women everywhere.

I mean,
who would've thought
you could make money

by eating food
in front of Japanese
businessmen?

Clearly, you missed
the point.

I'll cut you in on
my teakettle money

if you look me
in the eye

while you eat a bag
of potato chips.

Okay.

All right, guys.
Next week, if you go off
on a tangent,

you have to snort
a line of wasabi.

I will not
be defeated.

So great news about
the halfway house.

Well, actually,
I'm a little nervous.

I told the girls to cut
ties with their pimps

and that I'd take them
to the new place tonight.

Well, what's there
to be nervous about?

I mean, pimps
are usually pretty
understanding people, right?

Well, the contractor
just called

and the halfway house
isn't gonna be ready
for two days.

So they've got
nowhere to stay.

Okay, now
I'm getting nervous.

Come on, Charlie.
It'd only be a couple
of days.

Please?

I don't know.

Where are they
gonna sleep?

I don't have
enough towels.

And they can't even
eat cereal for breakfast

because I just
used up all my milk.

Please?

All right, fine.

[ theme music playing ]

Ladies, ladies, look.

I know that you all
just got here,

but please stop
using my Vaseline.

Especially after
you've been eating
cheese puffs.

I bet it was Kimmy.
You know she got them
alligator elbows.

Which are, mysteriously,
cheese puff-free.

I got sandwiches,
everybody.

You cut the crust off
their sandwiches?

You don't have
to coddle them.

Angelina's eating
cheese puffs dipped
in Vaseline.

I just want them to know
they're cared for.

Truth is, they're just
lost little girls.

- I'll cut you, bitch.
- Screw you, whore.

I think I know
why no one's trying
to find them.

You don't even know
how to play the game.

- Don't touch me.
- Hey, hey, hey.
What's going on?

Nikki picked up
the eight ball,

asked it a question
and shook it.

When you touch the balls,
you forfeit the game.

- Is that true, Charlie?
- Uh, well, yeah, those
are the rules.

Ah. I'm gonna kill you
as soon as you fall asleep.

I understand.

All right, you handle this.
I'm gonna go find a weapon

and drink a case
of Red Bull.

[ phone chimes ]

Charlie, wait.

I just got a text
from my mom.

There has been
a terrible accident.

- What happened?
- Well, her neighbor
has this chimpanzee--

Oh, no.
I've heard about this.

She offered the monkey
some food and it tore
her face off?

No, no.
It's the monkey's
birthday

and she went
to get it a card

and she fell in the store
and hit her head.

When are people
going to learn that
these are wild animals

that don't care
about cards?

- I mean, is she okay?
- She might have to
have surgery

- and I've got to go.
- Well, of course you do...

in a couple of days
when all the girls are
out of the house, right?

I know it is a lot
to leave you with.

You're the only one
I trust to look
after them.

- So, will you do it?
- Yeah, I'll be fine.

It's just me and a house
full of hookers.

I've been training
for this moment
my whole life.

Hey, Charlie.
Your car's parked
out on your front lawn.

- How the hell did it get there?
- That's where I left it.

- You took my car?
- Don't accuse me like that.

Yes, I did.

If my pimp's not gonna
drive me around anymore,

I need to learn how.
I did good, too.

I only hit two
of your neighbors'
mailboxes.

"Char-wie," it's my
turn in the shower.

I'm scared to be
"a-wone" up there.

Would you
come in with me?

Yeah, look,
it'd be different
if I wasn't with Sasha

or if I was
completely deaf.

But I'm sorry,
that's not gonna happen.

[ moans ]
Okay, well, if you
change your mind

and you wanna
join me...

[ in normal voice]
I will rock your world.

There's a hard "R."
I knew you could do it.

Good call.
That bitch is crazy.

Hello.

What's the deal
with all the women?

They're a bunch of hookers
who don't hook anymore.

Oh, no.
What happened?

Apparently the American
dream of selling your body

on the street to strangers
doesn't pan out for everyone.

- Sasha dumped 'em on me.
- Listen, I hope you can
get away

because a buddy of mine
who manages The Roxy

told me that
the Rolling Stones

are playing a secret
show there tonight.

The Roxy?
That place is tiny.

That close we
could definitely

steal a vial
of whatever's making
Keith Richards immortal.

Dude, it's
a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.

Nobody even knows about it.
They're playing under
the name "Ruby Tuesdays."

Oh, it's--
it sounds awesome,
but I can't.

I promised Sasha
I'd keep an eye on the girls
until she got back.

All right, so you're
gonna miss the greatest
rock band in the world

to not bang
five hookers?

Look, I got to do
the responsible
thing here.

Trick Jordan
into watching them

so I can go
to the concert.

Those girls
will eat her alive.

You're right,
you're right, but she's
the only person I know

who definitely
will not have plans
on a Saturday night.

Hey, Jordan.

What are you doing
tonight?

Oh, really?

[ knocking on door ]

Coming.

Hey, Nolan.
What are you doing here?

I won't have your money
for a couple days.

It's not that.

I figured out
why the teakettles
sold so quickly.

Oh, I know why, Nolan.

It's because I put the word
"rare" in the description.

Yeah, it could
be that.

Or it could be
because every picture
of a teakettle

has a reflection
of your naked boobs.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
It was, uh, hot.

I was cleaning
the house.

I took my shirt off

and then I decided
to take the pictures and--

- I feel so stupid!
- Oh, don't feel bad.

People make mistakes
like this on eBay a lot.

I've seen boobs reflected
in cars, toasters, mirrors.

Sometimes you have to spend
a whole day looking.

No! I was gonna start
a business.

They sold so fast,
I thought silver teakettles

were gonna be
the next big thing.

Well, it's not like
you went out and bought

- 500 silver teakettles.
- That's true.

I bought 386.

And I can't return them
because I bought them all

at flea markets
and estate sales.

I maxed out all
my credit cards.
What am I gonna do?

Wow. Too bad your boobs
weren't reflected

in something
less expensive.

Like a spoon.

[ knocking on door ]

Hi...?

Did Frankie B. send you
here with the stuff?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Then I don't either.

- Sorry about that.
- Charlie, what is going on?

Why did you make me
rush over here?

Who are all
these women?

Sasha's opening
a safe house for
streetwalkers

and, uh,
they're staying here
for a few days.

Wow, a house full
of prostitutes.

How many falling stars
did you have to wish on
to get this?

Anyway, I figured
since one day

we're gonna open a clinic
in a women's prison,

this would be
a great opportunity
for us to learn.

And you included me?

Well, of course.
We're a team.

- We'll always
be together and--
- [ phone honks ]

Sorry.

Oh, no. Bad text.

What's wrong?

My dad fell
and hit his head

at a monkey's
birthday party.

He's gonna have to
have emergency surgery.

I gotta go.
I'll see you
in a few hours.

Charlie, you
can't leave me alone
with these women.

You'll do great.
Everybody, this is Jordan.

She's gonna take my spot
for a few hours.

See y'all soon.

Okay.

Hey, everybody.

Who's up for
a team-building exercise?

Like, I don't know.
How about we make
some brownies?

Anybody allergic
to nuts?

No, but I am allergic

to perky-ass
little white girls.

So nuts are okay,
then?

I'm so happy you saw
our ad on Craigslist.

Yeah, I'm just happy
it was actually teakettles.

Sometimes you open
the door and it's just
a guy wagging his--

I'm just happy
it's teakettles.

You know, you remind me
so much of my grandma.

For old times' sake,
would you mind

telling me that
I'm an embarrassment
to the family?

So, uh, look around.

The prices are all
negotiable.

No.

No. No...

Uh, how about this one?
It's only $5.

Don't push me.

No, no, no.

No, no, oh...

tell me about this one.

It's a teakettle.

Don't sass me.

Who was the first owner?
Was he white?

What?

- Why does that matter?
- I'm looking for Chinese.

Asians take better care
of their teakettles.

Oh, why didn't you say so?
I got one right here

owned by a nice
Chinese family.

They took very good
care of it.

$20.

I'll give you 50 cents.
You're a liar.

Okay, get out.

Nolan, you should
probably leave, too.

You're gonna take
your top off

and take dirty
teakettle pictures,
aren't you?

I have so many
of these damn things,

I don't know
what else to do.

I feel terrible
for you.

The only thing I can offer
is to take pictures

of my naked body
and the teakettles, too.

You know, Nolan,
I don't think people

really wanna see your junk
reflected on a teakettle.

[ sighs ]
I guess you're right.

Uh, but, uh,
on the other hand,

I need to expand
my fan base.

Why don't you take five home,
knock yourself out?

- Thanks!
- All right.

See? I told you
we could do it.

Four batches later
and we've got brownies.

Jordan, it's hard
to spread icing
with a spoon.

Well, you proved
you can't be trusted
with a knife.

Well, you're the one
who pulled a knife on us.

I lost my patience
and I apologize for that.

But now that we've
bonded like this,

you guys are like
my sorority sisters.

Were they a bunch
of whores, too?

They slept with a few
more men than you guys did,

so, yeah.

Why don't you
guys put on a movie
while I clean up?

You know I went
to Harvard.

You did?
You were accepted there?

Oh, no. I drove
there and had sex
with the professors.

Those guys spend a lot
of money on prostitutes.

A lot.
I went to Stanford, too.

So, you were
in a sorority, huh?

You know I was
talking to Sasha.

- I'm gonna go to college.
- Good for you, Angelina.

That is so brave.

I mean, just getting
into college is tough.

But here is
the irony.

Those kids
coming out of college,
they can't get jobs.

- It's crazy, right?
- Huh?

But college is amazing.

Of course it takes
the rest of your life

to pay back your loans.
I'm still paying mine.

- Huh?
- But you will.

Just don't try to skip out.
You think a pimp will come
after you for not paying?

Try avoiding
the student loan people.

Those guys bitch-slapped
me pretty good.

- Huh?
- But you know what?

Everything's
ahead of you.

Nothing's impossible.

Oh, we should watch
"Pretty Woman."

You guys can nitpick
all the little things that
are wrong with the story.

It'll be fun.

- You are an idiot.
- Oh, come on.

They called themselves
the "Ruby Tuesdays."

That sounds like
the perfect code name
for the Rolling Stones.

It also sounds like
the perfect code name

for a bunch of guys
who work at Ruby Tuesday's

doing covers
of Rolling Stones songs.

Whatever.
You gotta admit
that busboy

had a really
nice voice.

Dude, dude, there's a reason
they still work at a place

that sells deep-fried
pretzel burgers
to truckers.

I gotta hit the head.
Oh, quick question
for you.

Any chance "Chili's"

- are the code name for
the Red Hot Chili--
- No!

Oh, thank God
you're here.

- How's your dad?
- My dad?

Oh, oh, oh,
you can't even tell
he hurt his head.

But it caused
a short-term memory loss.

So, don't bring it
up to him.

He won't even know
what you're talking about.

- Where are all the girls?
- Oh, they're upstairs sleeping.

Except for one.
Angelina.

What, is she
watching TV

eating a peanut butter
and petroleum jelly sandwich?

- Uh, she's gone.
- What?

I was giving her
a pep talk on how hard
life is.

I don't know
what happened.

You talked to her.
That's what happened.

People run away from you
when you talk to them.

The other girls think
she went back to her old
neighborhood to turn tricks.

Ah, I gotta go find her
before Sasha gets home.

Promise me you won't talk
to any more of these girls?

I need them
to all still be here
when I get back.

You're sure this
is Angelina's block?

That's what
the girls said.

Is that her?

Angelina!

Man: I'm whoever you want me to be, baby.

Dude in a skirt.
Dude in a skirt.

Boy, that's proof,
isn't it?

Everybody looks good
in thigh-high boots.

Wait a minute,
over there.

That's her.
Stop the car.

All right, wait, wait,
hold-- just--

just remember if she
starts taking off
her earrings,

puff yourself up.
Make yourself
look bigger.

Or play dead.
Whatever you would
do with a bear.

You ram it
with your car.

Be ready.

- Angelina.
- Keep walking your
dumb ass down the block.

Down by the truck scales,
you could probably turn
a couple of tricks.

Make $30.

Look, I know you
talked to Jordan.

I understand
that that could send anyone
screaming out the door.

Damn straight.

But the truth is you're way
better off with Sasha.

You don't wanna be doing
this in a couple of years

- when you're 40.
- I'm 27!

[ scoffs ]
Okay.

Then you don't
wanna be doing this
for another 13 years.

Look, this is the only
thing I'm good at,

so get outta here
and let me do my job.

No, it's way too
dangerous out here.

Look, there's a cop
over there,

so if you don't
come home with me now,

I'm gonna flag
him down and tell him
that you're hookin'.

- Go ahead.
- Officer.

This lady
was soliciting me.

- Is that true, Angelina?
- No.

He was trying to get me
back to his place.

- Is that true?
- Yes, but let me explain.

I've got a bunch
of hookers back there.

Oh, really?
Turn around.

No, no, no, no.

See, my girlfriend brought
them to my place and she
has big plans for them.

Sounds like fun.
Turn around.

No, no, no, you don't
understand. I was just
supposed to watch them

and make sure that
none of them got away.

You know what?
I'm just gonna
turn around.

I really like your
dream board, Dillon.

So it seems what you're
envisioning for your future

is a lot
of sugar.

I got a bit
of a sweet tooth myself.

Nah, I want
cocaine.

They didn't have
any pictures of cocaine,
so I used sugar.

But I want
cocaine.

I'll just take the glue.
I could make that work.

Oh, good.
They let you
out of jail.

- Who's this?
- Can't talk.

Sasha's right behind me.
I saw her getting
off the freeway.

Lost Angelina.
This is Tammy,
a replacement hooker.

Get out of here.
Thanks for everything

except for losing Angelina.
That sucked.

- Hey, Charlie.
- Hey, Sasha.

[ laughs ]
How's your mom doing?

Much better.

Who's this?

Uh, this is Tammy.

She's taking
Angelina's place.

Angelina decided
that she wanted to
join the Peace Corps,

so I pulled
some strings

and she's on a plane
to Guatemala right now.

Really?

So it's adios,
Angelina,

and hola,
Tammy.

And hola, Angelina.

What the hell
are you doing here?

It's okay, Charlie.
Angelina told me everything.

Yeah, the fact
that you came
looking for me

made me realize
I must be worth something.

Plus, it started
raining.

So everything
worked out.

We're cool and you got
yourself a new team member.

Wait, Angelina?

Dead-eyed Pete's ho?
You blowed up, girl.

You better shut your face,
you sleestak-looking

bean head,
or I'll cut you.

You're up.