All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E77.Charlie.and.the.Curse.of.the.Flying.Fist.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.

One of my prisoners
had an emergency and
I had to go see him.

Why do you have bedhead?

Oh, because afterwards,

we took a nap.

I call BS.

You're late because
you're just getting home
from last night.

No, actually,
I'm getting home from
the night before last night.

She said that she lived
at the beach.

I didn't realize
the beach was in Cabo.

You're ridiculously late.
I'm going home.

No, no, no.
Don't, don't, don't.
Check this out.

I came up with
a new time-saving therapy
technique on the plane.

Tell me in three words
what's bothering you.

- Three words?
- Yeah.

Don't think.
Just talk. Ed?

Red, yellow, brown.

And those would be people.

We get it, Ed,
you're a racist.

No, those are not people.

Red and yellow
are the color of McDonald's.

- Brown is the color
of hamburger.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Served by a Mexican
who doesn't understand
enough English

to know what
"no pickles" means.

All right,
let's put a pin in that.

Ahem.
Lacey?

- Three words, huh?
- Very good. Nolan?

I'm just kidding.
Go on, Lacey.

Nolan needs

deodorant.

Technically, that would be
Nolan's problem.

Fine.

Smells like

ass.

Much better.

All right, Nolan, three words.
What's bothering you?

Well, I went.

Okay, that's the beginning
of a story.

I need you to pick
three key words.

To work and.

Now you're just telling a story
three words at a time.

Pick three key words.

Walked in and

I--

Oh, that was four.

- I don't know how to do this.
- Okay, okay, fine.

Just talk about your problem.
Don't worry about the
three-word thing.

I'm having a problem
with some bullies at work.

You couldn't have just said,
"Bullies at work"?

Go on.

The limo company
has a new policy

where you have to go
to the office to get
your assignment.

But I can't get
any of the good jobs

because all the other drivers
are always pushing me around

and stepping
in front of me.

So did you talk to your boss
about what's going on?

It's too embarrassing.

It's one thing to be strong
and assertive like I am
in group.

[ chuckles ]

What are you looking at,
stinky?

I'm sorry.

[ sighs ]
That's what we need
to work on.

Nolan, why don't you
come with me tomorrow
to my prison group?

Those guys could teach you
a little something about
dealing with intimidation.

You should go, Nolan.
I've been in jail.

Their lives depend
on acting tough.

And, occasionally,
their willingness

to accept unsavory
sexual advances.

But you're not
at that stage yet.

I don't know about this,
Charlie.

- It sounds scary.
- Oh, don't worry.

We'll have two guards
watching us the whole time.

- It's perfectly safe.
- Okay.

Oh, wait.
One guard.

The other one got stabbed
four times.

Just in the neck.

Who does something
like that?

Anyway,
it's perfectly safe.

[ theme music playing ]

I am so sorry.
I thought that
would be sexier.

It looks so hot when people
eat food off each other
in the movies.

Well, that's because
they never show the scene
where they clean up.

See, that's the part
that actually takes
nine 1/2 weeks.

I just want to try
something exciting.

I've been so traditional
for so long, I'm like a kid
in a candy store.

Speaking of
candy stores,

I think we have
successfully proven

that M&M's do not
melt in your hands,

but they do melt
absolutely everywhere else.

Okay, so what other
fun things can we do?

We could tie
each other up.

We could get some toys.
We could role-play.

Ooh, role-playing
sounds good.

I've never
done that before.

Except for the first time
I had sex when I pretended
I was 18.

- How old were you?
- 24.

So who do you want
to pretend to be?

I'll be the high school kid
who cuts class

and you can be
the sexy substitute teacher

with different ideas
on detention.

I thought this was
supposed to be a fantasy,

- not a reenactment
from your life.
- That is a fantasy.

That didn't happen
when I was in high school.
I was in eighth grade.

- Let's play doctor.
- Okay.

Yeah?
All right.

I'm the doctor,
you're the patient.

Okay, great.

And I will come in with
a hard-to-diagnose disease,

it'll present
like Legionnaires',

but you'll insist
that I might have been bit
by an African fruit bat.

I was just gonna touch around
on your boobs a little bit

and ask you
if you felt better,
but whatever you want.

Okay,
here's what's going on.

Nolan is being
bullied at work.

And I was hoping
that you guys could
maybe give him some tips

on how to deal
with intimidation.

Cool!
Stabbing lessons.

I was thinking more
along the lines

of posture
and eye contact.

My knife makes contact
with their eyes.

Just as an exercise,
let's take all stabbing
off the table.

You know, I know
what you mean, Charlie.

Nolan, stand up.

Now, I want you
to come at us

with your most
intimidating walk.

Man, you'd never
last in here.

And I don't mean
as a prisoner,
I mean today.

I don't know if you're gonna
make it back to your car.

I'll tell you
what I do

when people try
to push me around.

I find the biggest,
toughest son of a bitch
that I can

and then I make
sweet love to him.

And he protects me.

Thank you, Cleo.
Ahem. Nolan.

- Yes?
- Don't do that.

Look, if you're not
a good fighter,

you just gotta move
in a way that says,

"Don't mess with me
or I'll cut you."
[ grunts ]

A lot of it
is in the eyes.

I can't take this anymore.
Just kill me already.

Okay, Nolan, okay.
Now it's your turn.

All right.

Oh, my God, look at him.
He look like Bambi.

Charlie,
can I keep him?

Okay, clearly this
whole intimidation thing
is not gonna work.

I know.
What am I gonna do?

I'd have to kill somebody
at work to get some respect.

Well,
that's a great idea.

It's really gonna
affect my tips if
I start killing people.

No, no, no.
Metaphorically.

I'll come in there and act
as a disgruntled customer,

pick a fight with your boss,
and then when I smash something,

like, say,
his coffee mug,

that'll be your signal
to come down on me in
front of everybody.

By killing you?

Okay,
before we go any further,
let's make sure

we're all really
clear about what the word
"metaphorically" means.

All right, guys. I've got
a call in Beverly Hills that
needs to go to the airport.

- Who's up?
- I am.

How you gonna do it?

You lost your keys.

[ chuckles ]
Fine.

Mike, it's yours.

Well, joke's on you, Mike.

'Cause when you pull out
that limo to go make money
that should've been mine,

I'm gonna walk right over
and pick up my keys.

So ha.

- You the guy in charge
around here?
- Yeah.

I booked a car yesterday
at 3:00 and nobody showed up.

I missed a business meeting
that cost me millions
of dollars.

I'm very sorry, sir.

Give me your name.
I'll check the records.

What, are you
calling me a liar?

Whoa, dude.
Calm down.

What, are you calling me
a not-calm dude?

I missed the birth
of my daughter.

During the business meeting
that cost me millions
of dollars.

You need
to settle down, pal.
I'm gonna call the cops.

Settle down?
Settle down?

- How 'bout I do this?
- What the hell?

Everybody see that?
I just smashed his coffee cup.

- Anybody got
a problem with that?
- Yeah. I do.

Well, I know you got
a problem with that.

Anybody else got
a problem with that?

I just smashed
his coffee cup.

It's not like you smashed
a mug or anything.

- A cup and a mug
are the same thing.
- Oh, crap.

I didn't realize that.

Yeah, I got a problem.

Stop yelling at my boss!

- Who the hell are you?
- My name is Nolan!

And I'm tired of watching
people get treated like
crap around here!

If you don't get out of here
right now, I'm gonna
rip your leg off

and use it
to kick your own ass
down the street!

Well, that's a very odd
but serious threat.

It's not a threat,
it's a promise,
you son of a bitch!

I'm gonna count
to three and then
you are gonna give yourself

the ass kicking
of a lifetime!

- One!
- I'm going, I'm going!

No, wait!
Apologize first.

- Look, I am really--
- Two!

Dude, let me finish
my apology.

Look, I am really sorry
that I came in here
and caused a scene.

How do you work
with this guy?

- Aren't you afraid of him?
- Three!

Here are your keys,
Nolan.

You take that job
in Beverly Hills.

Wow. Thank you.

I mean,
damn right I will!

Now, has anybody
seen my wallet?

- It's in your pocket.
- Then good day.

[ exhales ]

I really appreciate
the house call.

I mean, wow, talk about
Doctors Without Borders.

I think you're gonna be okay,
but just to be safe,

we should schedule
a follow-up in, say,

I don't know,
20 minutes?

Right after I check
my fantasy football league.

Perfect.

That'll give me time
to hop on WebMD

and find something else
that can be cured by sex.

I know we're just pretending,
but my hiccups did go away.

Well, I think that's
just because I scared you

when I told you
this was a live Web show.

Not funny then,
not funny now.

You should have heard
your heart pounding through
the stethoscope.

It was pretty funny.

Well, next time,
it's my pick

and I get to pick
anything I want.

And I think
I've got something

that's really
gonna surprise you.

Is it a geisha fantasy
with you and a couple
hot Asian chicks?

'Cause even though
I just said it, I would
never see that coming.

- Here you go.
- Hey, Brett, guess what.
We're celebrating tonight.

Nolan finally
stood up for himself
against the bullies at work.

I was bullied when I was a kid
and it was awful.

Oh, no, wait.
I was the bully.

It was fun.

Jorge,
your shift's over.

Leave.
Only cool people
work at night.

[ laughs ]

Hey, guess what.
It's still fun.

Cheers, Nolan.
I am proud of you.

Are you kidding?
Everything at work is
different now because of you.

This night is on me.

Well, that's very nice of you,
but I'll buy the beer

and you buy yourself
things you need

like health insurance
and underwear and food.

Health insurance
and underwear?

Whoo, I don't
wanna lose touch
with the common people.

Well, don't
underestimate yourself.

There's no telling
how far you can go now.

I mean, you might wind up
as a CEO of a big corporation.

Yeah, or even
assistant dispatcher.

Okay, Nolan, I'm gonna
take this napkin

and draw for you the rungs
of a corporate ladder.

Did you see that?
That guy just took
our pretzels.

Then use your new
assertive tools

and tell him you want
your pretzels back.

Excuse me,
I think those
are our pretzels.

It's a bar.
They're everybody's pretzels.

Yeah, but they were
sitting in front of us
and I was eating them.

Yeah, well,
now I'm eating them.
Get outta my face.

He's not cooperating.
It's really starting
to piss me off.

Okay, okay,
then tell him in a firm
but respectful tone--

Give me the bowl
or I will beat you

until you don't understand
what pretzels are!

Sure thing, dude.

Take the damn pretzels.

How'd I do?

Well, you got
the firm part down,

but I think you
replaced respectful
with insane-crystal-meth guy.

So I did good.

Those are mine.

- Hello? Jordan?
- I'm in the kitchen.

I'll be right out.

All right. Ahem.

Really looking forward to
seeing what your fantasy is.

If we have time
for a second one,

I kind of have
a "Lone Ranger" thing
I wanna do.

There's no time to talk.
I want you so bad.
Let's do this.

Sexy yoga instructor
that loves to bake.

So you're flexible
and you always smell
like cookies.

I'm down.

Stop joking around.

I just got the baby down,
put a meat loaf in the oven,

and we've got about
20 minutes to get busy

before I have to pick up Joey
from soccer practice.

Mm. Wait a minute.
I'm sorry, what are we doing?

What do you mean?

We've got a house
in the suburbs
and three kids.

And you're my handsome,
hardworking man

and you've just bought me
a minivan and I love you.

[ groans ]

So I'm your husband?

God.

You have been spending
so much time

working at
a midsize but growing
pharmaceutical company

that you've forgotten
that I'm your wife.

- Ah...
- Shh.

- What?
- I'm sorry.
I thought I heard Eugene.

- Who is Eugene?
- Our baby.

I think he's waking up
and wants to breast-feed.
Take me now.

Uh, okay, okay.
Okay, next fantasy.

[ vocalizing
"The Lone Ranger" theme ]

- What are you doing?
- Just trying not to freak out.

No need to freak out.

I'll pump.

[ vocalizing continues ]

Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.

So where did we
leave off last time?

Ed was just on the verge
of accepting

that Chinese and Japanese
are different.

Not really.

But I'll say whatever it takes
to get us out of here early.

I know what
I wanna talk about.

Charlie,
you're late.

Yeah, I know.
That's why I started by saying
I was sorry for being late.

Well, you could've
at least apologized.

You're right.
What was I thinking?

How about I make it up
to you by just staying
a little longer today?

Oh, so you just assume
I have nothing else
to do with my time?

If you ever
do this again,

I am gonna
rip your ears off
and boil your eyes

and eat the cartilage
out of your face.

Okay. That's pretty much
what I wanted to talk
about today.

Let's explore
the difference between

being assertive
and being a dick.

Yeah, Nolan.
What's your problem?

You're being, like,
super agro.

Have you been
working out?

Lacey,
one pathology at a time.

Nolan,
you're overreacting.

Nobody here is
taking advantage of you.

You're being
way too aggressive.

No, Charlie,
let him go.

I believe his balls
are finally about to drop.

The only thing that's gonna
drop around here, old man,

is you if you
keep interrupting.

Is that a challenge?

I'll hit you so hard,

it knocks the new peach fuzz
off of your danglers.

All right, all right,
all right.

Nobody's knocking anything
off anybody's danglers.

And shame on you people
for making me say that.

Now everybody
just sit down.

No, please let them fight.
Please, please, let them fight.

Oh, you're just trying
to push me into a fight

with an old man
so I look like a fool.

Yes. Yes, I am.

Well, maybe I should
kick your ass!

Nolan, Nolan.

Get back in your chair.

I am not gonna allow you
to physicalize your aggression.

Physicalize this.

All right.
That just happened.

Nolan, don't go.
We need to talk about this.

Okay, this might be
last night's Molly talking,

but is everybody as turned on
by that guy as I am?

There you are.

Hey, I just needed
a minute to think.

I was gonna call you.

I don't understand.
Why did my fantasy
freak you out?

Three reasons--
Eugene, Joey,

and I don't even know
what the other kid's name was.

[ sighs ]
Look, Jordan,
I like you a lot.

I do, but, you know,
I don't know if I want
the marriage and kids stuff.

And you obviously do.

What?

It was a sexual fantasy,
Sean, not a life fantasy.

You wanted to be
"The Lone Ranger."

Does that mean that
you wanna ride around

shooting bad guys with
your Indian best friend?

Yeah,
I kinda do a little.

And you know what?

That is very different
from you pretending to be
a mom when--

- Oh, don't say it.
- --we both know that--

Watch it.

--your biological clock
is ticking.

You jackass.

When you are
a single career woman,

that world seems exotic.

The whole point
of role-playing

is pretending to be
someone you're not.

Like if I were
role-playing right now,

I would pretend
to be attracted to you.

All right.
I'm sorry.

I get it.
I messed up.

Yeah,
that's too bad

because my housewife character
was really into

that thing you've been
wanting me to do.

Like, really into it.

Well, we should go do it.

It's too late.
She's a single mom now

and she's been getting it
regularly from the pool boy.

Can I be the pool boy?

We'll see.

I can't imagine
where Nolan is.

I mean, Lacey,
you've been walking
around the neighborhood.

- And, Patrick, you went
to his apartment, right?
- He wasn't there.

Where did you look, Ed?

Oh, I sat out on the porch
in case he came back,

but I don't think he did.

You don't think he did?

Well, I fell asleep, okay?
What do you want from me?

The ability to stay awake
for 30 minutes.

If I can't do it
behind the wheel,
I can't do it here.

Maybe he went to the gym
to stay all pumped up

like he was
when he was here.

God, I miss him
so much.

I know how
we can catch him.

We leave a lit joint
at the end of the driveway,

we watch from the windows
so as not to spook him.

Wait, we haven't
checked the roof yet.

- Why would he
be on the roof?
- Whenever he gets upset,

he goes up to the roof
of our building to think.

I know
how to get him down.

I can strip down to my underwear
and stand in the front yard.

I'm prepared to do that.

Yeah, sorry, Lacey,

but according to
the homeowners
association,

no more half-naked women
in the front yard.

It was aimed at
the crazy old lady
on the corner,

but now I'm paying
the price.

Hey, Nolan.
Whatcha doing?

Just talking
to that pigeon.

I recognize him from
the roof of my building.

You mean the gray one
with the beak and all
the feathers?

Looks like every other
pigeon I've ever seen?

Yeah, that's Joe.

He wants an apology
because I yelled at him
this morning.

I told him he's doing
nothing with his life.

Well,
he's a pigeon.

A lot of big companies
won't even let them interview.

So let's talk about
you punching me.

Yeah. I feel
really bad about that.

You don't have to feel bad.
You just lost control.

That's not what
I feel bad about.

I feel bad because
I really, really liked it.

Well, of course
you liked it.

For the first time in your life,
you got to express your anger.

Now we just have to work
on time and place and
the appropriate amount.

Okay, but now that I know
how good it feels,

I don't think
I can control it.

Well, I think you're gonna
learn real quick.

- Punch me again.
- What?

Yeah.
Give me a good punch
right in the arm.

- It'll help you.
- Okay.

Ow!

- Why did you do that?
- Because you can't just
go around punching people.

There's consequences
to acting out your anger.

- Now hit me again.
- I don't want to.

See? You've learned
how to control your anger.
Congratulations.

Wow.

That's what
anger management is.

We're learning
how to manage our anger.

That's what that
group thing is all about?

Yes, Nolan.

That's what that
group thing is all about.