Original subtitles

Okay, welcome, everyone.

As you can see, Jordan will be silently

observing our group for a few days.

So don't feel self-conscious about talking in front of her.

Absolutely. My life is just as much of a mess as yours.

It really is.

Thank you, Charlie.

In a lot of ways, I'd say it's even worse.

I think they understand.

Anyway, thanks for letting me observe.

I know it's difficult to open up

in front of someone you barely know.

And I hope in time you'll learn to trust me

and you'll be as enriched by this experience as I will.

Wow, you sure do observe loud.

Now, Lacey, Nolan, the last session

you said you were both applying

for the same manager job in your building?

Yeah, the guy who owns the building, Mr. Terizian,

said whoever gets the job doesn't have to pay rent.

Yeah, and it's totally cush.

All you have to do is fix things when they break.

Or pretend to, 'cause I don't know how to do that.

But I actually know how to fix things.

I just fixed Charlie's bidet upstairs.

That's a toilet.

Oh.

Then I just broke Charlie's toilet.

I know I'm just observing,

but it seems to me the job should go to the most qualified person.

I know I'm just talking,

but it seems to me that you should be quiet.

Lacey, Jordan is our guest

and she does make a valid point.

I agree. Who fixed the water pressure in your shower?

Yeah, and then waited around for me to get undressed and try it out.

Yeah, and then when you wouldn't, who went outside

to peek through the window until you pulled down the shade?

Don't answer. Let these guys guess.

Well, what I think is going on here--

You're not really listening to each other.

Yeah, sometimes you have to be silent

and listen without talking.

I agree.

That was about you.

Oh. Still agree.

It's not fair. Nolan told me he wanted this job,

but then I decided that I wanted the job.

But everybody knows that the tie goes to the hottie.

The tie goes to the hottie!

Look, I'm just happy that you both even want a job.

But, Lacey, it's not easy to manage an apartment building.

She knows all about managing things.

She's an Indian girl who manages to have two eyebrows.

Sorry I'm late. I don't have an excuse.

I feel like I'm above that at this point.

Oh, Charlie, your garbage man

is dumping trash all over your driveway.

Damn it. That's two weeks in a row.

What the hell is wrong with this guy?

Well, obviously you've done something to irritate--

Silence!

Hey. Hey, hey. Garbage dude.

What's up with this mess all over my driveway?

Okay, first of all, my name is James St. James,

guy-yelling-at-me dude.

Second of all, I don't touch loose trash.

Unlike you, based on some of the girls I've seen coming out of your place.

But you're the one that dumped it here.

No, I didn't.

You see, you high curbs can't do the simplest of tasks.

You overfilled your bin.

So that's why you're doing this to me?

- To teach me a lesson? - All right, look.

Overfilling leads to crowning, which causes a breach.

Then a breeze comes along, turns the overflow into blow away.

Okay, well, right now, my anger is crowning,

which might cause a breach to your face.

And I got a guy in there who saw what you just did.

It's overfill!

You don't even break down your cardboard.

You should see your neighbor's trash.

I could fit his pizza boxes in my wallet.

Yeah, right next to your pay check

which comes out of my tax dollars.

Oh, which you pay less of than you're supposed to,

judging by some iffy 2007 tax receipts you threw out last month.

Excuse me, I have dependents,

an in-home office. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You go through my trash?

I don't have to.

It's blowing all over the streets, Mr. Fancy Cage-Free Organic Eggs guy.

Hey, hey, hey.

If you keep calling me weird names,

I'm putting garbage dude back on the table.

[ theme music playing ]

[ laughing ]

Oh, Mr. Terizian.

Wow, I didn't know I was that funny.

What did I say?

I don't know.

I just want this job so bad.

Oh, hey, Lacey.

Mr. Terizian.

What do you want, Nolan? I'm in the middle of my interview.

No, it's okay. I'm very close to making my decision.

It's down to the two of you.

I think if you looked at my resume,

you'll see I'm the better choice.

Um, I don't have a resume,

but I do have 11 selfies of me in a bikini

holding a wrench.

It's so big in my little hands.

Well, this is a hard decision.

I'm gonna be working very closely with one of you.

Let me give you each a building maintenance question

and see how you solve the problem.

That sounds fair.

Okay, Nolan,

how do you reconnect a first level plumbing stack

using 90 degree joints?

Um, according to the manual--

Oh, you need a manual. That's too bad.

Lacey, on your sink,

which is the cold?

The one on the left?

- No. - The one on the right?

Amazing. Lacey's got the job.

- Yes! - Hold on, Mr. Terizian.

I really need that free rent.

That question wasn't fair.

Well, you know, I do want to be fair.

Okay, then. How about we both look at the pipes under the sink

and tell you if they're good or bad?

Fine.

They look good to me.

Oh, no. They're bad.

They're very, very bad.

Yeah, Lacey's the manager.

Look, it's been 20 minutes.

I just want to make a complaint about my garbage man.

No, no. No. Not garbage, man.

I'm not calling you a man.

I know you're not a man.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Please, please don't transfer me again.

No, please-- damn it!

Charlie, you got a problem with your garbage collector?

Dude, where were you a second ago?

This guy keeps intentionally dumping trash all over my driveway.

Ooh, I had a problem like that once.

So I filled up one of my cans with concrete.

Guy went to pick it up, separated both shoulders and got a hernia.

They arrested me, but I got out of it.

I said I was throwing away concrete.

Yeah, well they don't really pick up the cans by hand anymore.

They have these big robot arms that just dump it in the truck.

They got robots picking up garbage now?

Damn!

I've been in here too long.

It's like "Star Wars" out there.

Yeah, and now people can send pictures

to each other over their phones.

And I'm in here.

Why did I have to stab all those people?

What if I put a skunk in my trash can?

Then when dumps it out, the skunk sprays everywhere

and garbage guy has to sit in that stink all day?

So your plan is to make a garbage truck smell bad?

Yes, it is.

Okay, clearly I haven't had enough time to think this through.

I don't know, Charlie. He's a city employee.

If you hurt him in any way, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble.

Hurt him, Charlie. Hurt him.

Then you'll be in here with us.

Yeah, and we have a good time.

We have game night and hot dogs

and the grass in the cracks of the yard is coming in.

It's a beautiful time of year.

Okay, I'm not gonna do that.

I guess I just have to go down there

and file a complaint in person at the--

where does one go? The garbage building?

The Hall of Trash? Where?

They call it the Department of Sanitation, Charlie.

I'm sure you can find it on your Earth map

that you get beamed into your car from the outer space satellite.

Um, we have that.

Damn!

Why did I stab all those people?

Thank you so much for coming, Nolan.

It's just I haven't seen you in so long

and I missed you.

That's not why you called.

You want me to go in there and fix their broken window

because you don't know how.

How dare you accuse me of that?

But will you?

So your plan all along was to take the job,

get a free apartment, and make me do all the work?

How dare you accuse me of that?

But, yes.

No, forget it.

I'm tired of you taking advantage of me

because of my completely irrational crush on you.

Oh, come on.

Well, sure. If you put it that way.

[ knocks ]

What do you want?

I'm here to fix the window.

I thought you were supposed to be a girl.

No.

Just couldn't see the penis on the sonogram

for the first eight months.

My mom said the new building manager was a lady.

She is, but I'm kind of helping her out

by doing all her work for her because she's got great--

you know what? Let me just come in and fix the damn window.

It's over there.

So how about $5?

To eat a bug? No way. It's too gross.

What about 10?

I wouldn't do it for 1,000.

I'll do it for 20.

Deal.

But you have to chew it.

Let's see the cash.

- Ew! Oh, my God! - That was awesome!

Just so you know, I also drink expired milk,

eat dust bunnies, and for the right price,

kitty litter is on the table.

Excuse me. Yeah, hi.

I need to file a complaint about my garbage man.

Okay, I can help you with that. Please sit down.

Great.

Okay, is it truck, cans, service,

smell, or employee?

Employee.

But wait, you're allowed to complain

about the smell of your own garbage?

I may have two complaints.

What's the employee's name?

James...

the garbage man.

I need a last name.

I don't know.

Von Inconsiderate Douchebag?

I'm not sure. Do you know your garbage man's last name?

Davis. And it's his birthday next week.

Well, if I knew James' birthday, I'd throw a cake in the garbage for him.

Hey, Paula.

Hey, look who's here.

That's him. That's the guy.

You know, I thought that was your car that just got towed.

My car got towed?

Mm-hmm. Someone must have called the cops on you.

But that's what happens when you park illegally.

I was parked at a meter.

Well, sometimes a breeze comes along and just blows

your car into neutral and pushes it into an illegal spot.

We call that vehicular blow away.

You son of a bitch.

I'll see you later, Paula.

- Not if I see you first. - You know you love me.

I'll tell you what I love. The fact that we're over!

Good-bye.

You went out with that guy?

I used to.

We just broke up and he can't let it go.

So he's pissing us both off.

You want to mess with him?

What do you want to do?

You and I go out tomorrow night

and make sure that he finds out.

But I'm supposed to go to Jimmy's sister's baby shower.

She invited me before we broke up.

Oh, but, God,

that would drive Jimmy crazy and I love it.

Good. Good.

It's about you went out with a guy

who doesn't go to work in a onesie.

[ laughs ]

Boys: Chug it! Chug it! Chug it! Chug it!

Chug it! [ cheering ]

[ laughing, cheering ]

I got to be honest,

the Play-Doh is such a strong flavor,

you can't even taste the ear wax.

Boys: Ew!

There you are.

What are you doing?

Science.

Do you know who was just in my apartment?

No, because you made me plug up all my peep holes.

Mr. Terizian.

He yelled at me because you never fixed the lock in 4F.

I'm gonna lose my job.

It's not my problem.

Lazy people like you who don't have jobs

and refuse to do mine are exactly what's wrong with this country.

Why are you spending time with these kids?

Because they're paying me cash to eat gross stuff.

And since you took my job, I need to pay rent somehow.

Hey, Nolan,

for $40 will you eat a ground-up old tennis ball with peanuts?

Don't do it, Nolan. You're allergic to peanuts.

She's right. I'll do it for 60.

[ cheering ]

[ laughing ]

Oh, man. When Jimmy sees that picture

of us dancing on the table at the club, it's gonna kill him.

- Did you send it? - Yup.

And us at the Hollywood sign

beer tasting at the top of the W

and the limo ride down the Strip.

Nice touch putting that old-timey filter on that one.

It makes it look like we're having even more fun.

- In the '70s. - [ laughs ]

It's true. Photo filters are the international sign

that you're having a good time.

You know what else is?

My world-famous triple brandy

flaming ice cream shooters of death.

You no longer have to choose between getting drunk

and having dessert.

Don't worry about having too much.

What's easier to throw up than ice cream?

[ laughs ]

Ooh, ooh, wait, wait, wait. Don't pour yet.

Photo op.

[ clicks ]

Ooh.

[ laughs ] To Jimmy.

Hope this is burning his ass as much as it's burning my hand.

[ laughs ]

[ knocks ]

Oh, crap. It's Jimmy.

It's okay. It's okay. It's time for us

to deal with this face to face.

What do you want?

Look, I just want to talk, okay?

I want to end this thing.

My sister says hi, Paula.

We saved you some cake.

I may have eaten a little bit of it 'cause I'm sad.

Okay, fine. Just, whatever you have to say, say it fast.

- My ice cream is melting. - All right.

Look, this is crazy. I never wanted any of this to happen.

I'm hanging out at my sister's place

and start getting pictures of you with my girl.

Every one of them is like a knife stabbing me in the heard

and I'm supposed to be celebrating my baby sister getting knocked up.

Look, I'm sorry I started any of this.

You always take it too far, Jimmy.

You've got to stop hanging onto stuff.

Especially my ass when we're in public.

I told you I don't like that.

Just fits my hand so good.

It's how I knew we're meant to be together, baby.

All right, look. Look.

Nothing happened here.

We just went out to teach you a lesson.

So this is over, right?

Absolutely.

- Sorry. - Thank you.

Hey, do you mind if I go out the front?

I got the Millennium Filth Can parked right outside.

Sure.

So I got to ask.

The Millennium Filth Can?

Oh, well, I love "Star Wars,"

so I figured what better way to pay honor to it

than to name our garbage truck after it?

Well, that's a lovely tribute to a timeless classic.

All right, let's just put this whole damn thing behind us.

May the filth be with you.

Holy crap!

- [ clicks ] - I like to take pictures, too.

All right, up yours, high curb. See you later, Paula.

This isn't over.

All right, go outside and stall him.

Okay.

Paula: Come back here and clean this up,

you disgusting pig!

Jimmy: You're the one running all over town cheating.

- You're the pig. - Paula: You're the pig!

- You're the pig! - You're the pig!

You're the pig!

Hurry up. He's winning the argument.

Just tell him to get away from the truck.

He is. The pig's standing in the driveway.

What are you doing?

I'm Garbage Vader

and I'm taking down the Millennium Filth Can.

- [ bottle shatters ] - [ fire roaring ]

Oh, my God. The whole truck's on fire.

Jimmy: My Filth Can. My baby!

Now it's over.

[ explosion ]

Okay, I may have underestimated the power of the dark side.

Okay, I charged up the Taser.

- You ready? - Yeah.

Let's do this thing. Semper Fi.

- What does that mean? - I read it on a bumper sticker.

Let's do this. I'd rather be fishing.

[ crackling ]

Nolan! Oh, my God, don't do it!

Boys: Aww!

You're not the boss of me.

This 10-year-old with a Taser is the boss of me.

You don't have to degrade yourself like this anymore, okay?

From now on, you're the new building manager.

- I quit. - Why?

- Is it because you care about me? - No.

It's because this job is too hard.

Taking credit for all the work you're doing is exhausting.

Wow.

I didn't realize I was being so selfish.

Anyway, now go down to the basement

and bring a bag big enough to carry three dead possums.

Why, what's down there?

You'll see. It's a surprise.

Especially since sometimes they're only playing dead.

Hey.

How'd it go in court?

Well, no matter how righteously you try to spin it,

it's tough to defend the throwing of a fire bomb.

Did you tell them about the trash in your house?

Absolutely. That was a big part of my defense.

But it turns out you're supposed to file a written complaint

with the city and not throw a fire bomb.

I'll bet you a lot of people don't know that.

Yeah, it's probably one of those crazy laws

still on the books from the 1890s.

Like you can't bring a goat into a bank.

So clearly you're not in jail.

No, no, they're just making me take two weeks of anger management.

But while I'm in there, I'm not allowed to practice therapy.

Oh. Who's going to cover for you?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on, you're ready.

You've spent time with my group. What are you afraid of?

I think mostly your group.

Yeah, that never goes away.