All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E71.Charlie.and.The.Temper.of.Doom.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

We have had
a very productive day
today so far.

I am feeling
really good about it.

Okay, Patrick.
You haven't spoken yet.

I am super excited
to hear what you
have to say.

Well, I finally
met Andy's parents
the other night

and I really
do not like his mom.

She is this
super positive,

overly perky
little blonde who--

You know what?
I think I'm just going
to wait for Charlie

when he gets back
next week and tell him.

Well, actually,

Charlie is barred
from practicing

until the week after,
so you should tell me.

Come on.
You can do it!

No, I really can't.

I don't understand
why Charlie's not allowed
to help us with our anger.

I mean, all he did
was firebomb a garbage truck.

Well, Lacey when you
firebomb a garbage truck,

you get a suspension
and a hefty fine.

A hefty fine?

Garbage, hefty...
nothing?

Oh, my God,
I will be so glad
when Charlie is back.

Glad...

it's also a garbage bag.

- I don't get it.
- I am playing your game,
woman.

- Nolan: Hey, Charlie.
- Sorry, not allowed to talk.

Just going to grab
a snack before I head out.

Gotta get
to anger therapy.

If the court's
making you go,

why don't you just
join your own group,
give yourself some advice,

and go back to bed?

Nolan, that's ridiculous.

And I already suggested
that but the judge said no.

If you've got to go
to anger therapy,

here's something I've learned
to make the most of it--

show up a little bit drunk.

I would love to, Ed,
but I made the mistake

of showing up sober
the first time

and now the therapist
knows the difference.

All right,
carry on.

Thank you.

Now, Ed, it says here
in Charlie's notes

that you've been,
"A little crabby lately

because of
your hemorrhoids,

DNMIG."

What does that stand for?

"Do not mention in group."

Oh. Sorry.

No problem.

I reiterate,
I'm little bit drunk.

Nolan, what about you?

You just been sitting there
like lazy little ferret.

That's so much cuter
than what I was thinking.

Actually, everything's
great in "Ferret Land."

Got an awesome new girlfriend.
Told her all about you.

- And she wants to get
together with everybody.
- Fun!

- Not you.
- Not me.

So why don't you
tell us about her?

Well, she's
a behavioral psychologist.

I think you're
saying that wrong.

It's pronounced,
"homeless Dumpster woman."

No, she really is
a behavioral psychologist.

Nolan, honey.

Don't take this
the wrong way,

but why the hell
would any kind of scientist
want to date you?

I mean, that would be
like me dating a rock.

Again, no offense.

Come on, guys.

People from wildly different
backgrounds can be attracted
to each other.

I mean, look at me,
I've got a Ph.D.

and once I slept with a man
who only had a master's.

Oh, come on!
That was way better
than the "hefty" joke.

I don't know how
y'all stand this.

I'm half in the bag
and I want to taste

the business end
of a shotgun.

Oh, you're still here.

Yup, about to leave.

- So, how did it
go with the group?
- Good.

You know,
despite their squabbling,

I really get the sense that
they'd like to spend some
quality time with each other...

doing something
terrible to me.

No, no, no, come on.

It just feels that way
because it's, you know, true.

Doesn't your anger therapy
start at 5:00?

You're gonna be late.

So you're saying
I'm going to miss
a few minutes

of people talking about
their anger?

Oh, no. Wherever will I
find that again?

Such a waste
of my time.

What are you saying?
That you don't need to
get your anger under control?

You firebombed
a garbage truck.

Bombing that truck
was just a momentary
lapse of judgment.

It was also,
in the words of Jerry
across the street,

"Bitchin'!"

Oh, my God,
you are in so much denial.

I'm really worried
about you.

Jordan,
it was one incident.

Save for that,
the last three years
have been firebomb-free.

And what happened
the year before that?

Another incident.

The settlement precludes me
from discussing it.

Look, I've been through
anger therapy with a
very good therapist

and I got all this
under control.

How did your cell phone
break last week?

I told you,
I dropped it.

Oh, I didn't realize
that things could drop
horizontally

90 miles an hour
against a wall.

I can still
throw the heat,
can't I?

[ sighs ]

Okay. Now I'm going to
open up this next question
to the whole group.

What color is anger?

What color is anger?

Is "Oh, my God, I'd rather
take a bath with a hair dryer

than listen to this putz"
a color?

Charlie, now I realize
you're a therapist

and you think
you know all of this,

but if you practiced it,
you probably wouldn't be here.

I'm sorry, Dr. Woo.

From now on,
I'll be hanging
on your every word.

Or from a pipe
in the basement.

Give me a rope.

No, this is good.

Because Charlie
is making fun of me.

Now, do I get mad? No.

Do I yell? No.

But do I channel
all that negative energy

into requiring Charlie
to attend an extra week

of anger therapy?

Yes.

Wait a minute.

That voice...

were you that little raccoon
in "Kung Fu Panda"?

I'm just kidding.
That was Dustin Hoffman.

Wait, are you
Dustin Hoffman?

Thankfully,
we're out of time.

Oh, by the way,
the correct answer is

anger can be any color
you're thinking of

when you're feeling angry.

Wow.
Who would have
thought the answer

would be stupider
than the question?

- Oh, hey,
it's Jane, right?
- Yeah.

You wanna go
grab some coffee?

Uh, I don't know
if that's a good idea.

I'm in here because
I slapped a barista.

Okay. You want
to go get a drink?

I mean, unless you
throat-punched a cocktail
waitress or something.

I'm just trying to break
my pattern of dating guys
with anger issues.

All they do is
support my bad instincts
to go off on people.

Yeah, look,
my anger issues
are under control.

I'm only in here because
I was defending myself against
a crazed garbage man.

You know,
that old story.

So you really don't
have any anger issues.

Well, I did, I did,
but I've overcome them.

And I swear,

if I get angry
about anything at all,
then it's game over.

But that's
not gonna happen.

You know, Charlie,
I've been giving it
some consideration

and I've decided
that you need

two extra weeks
of therapy.

Two weeks? But I gotta
get back to my patients.

I think I might be
doing them a favor.

I mean, if the way
you act in my group

is any indication
of the way you are
as a therapist,

well, you suck.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'd like to
take you outside and...

thank you personally

for your honest assessment
of my abilities.

Hell,
I'll just do it here.

Thank you.

[ theme music playing ]

File this, please.
I've got to go fix my hair.

My boyfriend's going
to be here any second.

Ooh, girl, you should go to
Johnny Mack in cell block D.

Johnny used to be
a hairdresser.

He's responsible
for this fine 'do.

And a massacre
at a convenience store
in Connecticut.

Thanks.
I have a comb.

T.G.I.F.,
am I right?

Good afternoon.

I'm looking for
a Mr. Charlie Goodson.

Oh, he's not here.
May I tell him
who's calling?

I'm Mr. Ventura
from the American
Psychological Association.

Ooh, fancy pants.

Can I tell him
what this is about?

Yes, I wanted to have
a word with him.

I was here for
a parole hearing
this morning

and was hoping
to avoid driving out
to his house.

Okay,
let me get this down.

"Mr. Ventura from APA
don't like to drive."

Let him know that I will be
at his home promptly at 9 A.M.

Monday morning to discuss
a probationary issue

related to his latest
anger incident.

Mm-hmm.

"Issue, incident,
sweet butt."

Okay, got it.
You may leave now.

Shoo! Shoo!
Use your shoes
and walk away.

Excuse me.

What can I do for you,
Mr. Tasty Morsel?

Is Jordan here?

She's off making herself
pretty for you.

I see you've already
done that for me.

Oh, my God,
is this how women feel
when I hit on them?

'Cause you just made me
feel pretty special.

- Hey, Sean.
- Hey.

- [ smooches ]
- Any messages?

Oh, yes,
a very important one.

You should have gone
to Johnny Mack.

Ooh, that's crispy.

If I was in prison,
I'd do very well.

It's prison.

Anything that stands still
for more than a second
does well.

Before we go,
I have to ask you a favor.

You know how Charlie
firebombed a garbage truck?

Yeah, I read about it
on Jerry's blog.

Apparently,
it was bitchin'.

Something like that
is going to happen again

and when it does,
they're gonna throw
Charlie in jail.

No, they're not.

What he did was
completely justified.

It wasn't even
that big of a deal.

What do you want me
to do about it?

I want you to get Charlie
so angry that he loses it.

This way, he can't say
the garbage truck

was an isolated incident.

Are you insane?

I don't want to make him mad.
Dude sets trucks on fire.

Sean, Charlie is
your best friend,

if something happens to him
after you've had the chance
to help him,

you're going
to blame yourself.

All right. Fine.

I don't know when
I'm going to do it.

He has a date tonight,
I don't want to mess that up.
That'll just piss him off.

Well, that's true.
Since we're trying
to make him angry,

we really wouldn't
want to piss him off.

I have an idea.
How about we do it tonight?

Thank you.

You handled that
very well.

What was I going to do,
go all Gordon Ramsay on her

because my lasagna had
a tiny paper clip in it?

That's what I
would've done, yeah.

No, no, you'd have done
what I just did.

You'd have written
a little note saying,

"Please stop doing
paperwork in the kitchen,"

then attached it
to the garlic bread

with the paper clip
and sent it back.

Charlie.
Hey, man.

Sean,
what are you doing here?

Just grabbing a drink.
Who's this?

Oh, this is Jane.
Jane, this my buddy Sean.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Do you mind?
- A little.

Wow.

What a pleasure to meet you.
You are beautiful.

You really undersold her

saying she was
"average-looking".

He's just joking.
We screw around with
each other a lot.

No, we don't.

So what are you guys--
you celebrating?

Did Charlie tell you
he's finally allowed
to donate blood again?

Doubled his income.
Doubled it.

Look, I don't know
what you're on right now,

but we should get you home
before you masturbate
in a church again.

Our Lady of Tears, indeed.

How fast do you think
you can wrap this up so
you and I can get outta here?

Five, 10 minutes?

I mean,
without being rude.

Sean, how about you and I
take a little walk

to the bar and reinforce
our friendship?

Charlie, can't you see
that I am on a date?

Okay, let's go.
Fun friend walk.

Ow, ow, ow.
That's-- that
hurts my arm.

Charlie, that hurts
my arm. Ow!

What the hell
are you doing?

Just chill, all right?
Jordan just wanted me

to prove that you can't
control your anger

so maybe you would take
therapy a little more
seriously.

Why would you go
along with that?

I need bonus points,
all right?

It gets me out of doing
the sappy couple's stuff.

Like going
to the Botanical Gardens.

Oh, well,
if you do have to go,
make sure you check out

the Japanese Tea Garden
in the back.

Why do you know that?

When I was married,
I messed up a lot.

I practically lived
in that garden.

Well, if it isn't
ugly and stupid

and Sean.

- Did Jordan ask you
to say that?
- No.

- Did she pay you
to say that?
- Yeah.

$50, dick.

I just made
another 10.

So did Jordan hire
anybody else to get me angry?

I don't know,

but she seemed pretty set
on proving that you
have a problem.

Hey, dork.

- How much she paying you?
- 20 bucks.

- Cool, thank you.
- No problem.

So you never told me

why you slapped
that barista.

Because she gave me
the worst cup of coffee
I ever had.

Eh, let's have
juice instead.

It's okay, Charlie.

You didn't write "Ho"
on the side of my cup.

Let me see this.

Oh, good, good.
It's not one of
my Christmas mugs.

[ doorbell rings ]

I'll be right back.

- [ doorbell rings ]
- Coming.

Uh, hi.
Can I help you?

- Charlie Goodson?
- That's right.

I'm Mr. Ventura
from the American
Psychological Association.

I'm here to discuss
your ongoing anger problem.

Oh, really?

Clearly a little more thought
went into this one.

And I give you credit
for not just walking in
and calling me a "dick".

No, we seldom do that.

Here is my card.
May I come in?

Your card.

Wow, you really
went all out.

Reno Ventura.
[ chuckles ]

That's the stupid name
you came up with?

Actually, it's the name
my parents came up with.

You don't say.

Is your mother's name
Jordan?

No, it's Margaret.

It was Margaret.
She passed a month ago.

Yeah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

Okay, I'm not going
to waste anymore time.

I'm not going to
get angry.

And, no offense,

but you don't look
smart enough to be
a psychologist.

- Excuse me?
- It's not your fault,

but your eyes
are really close
and it gives you

a slightly inbred look.

I don't think you realize
how serious this situation is.

[ mocking ]
Oh, no. I don't realize
how serious the situation is.

Sir, may I remind you,

the wrong recommendation
from me and your license
will be suspended.

Look, Reno Ventura
"Pet Detective,"

if you don't get the hell
out of here right now,

I am going to suspend
you by your underwear
off that balcony.

Get your hands off me.

Then get the hell
out of here!

Charlie!
What are you doing?

I'm getting rid
of one of your anger shills

who says he works
for the APA.

Yeah, maybe the American
"Pa-lease" Association.

That is Reno Ventura,
the new chairman of
the ethics committee.

Remember when
he got elected

and you asked me,
"Who's the clown
that's running ethics?"

And I said, "Reno Ventura."
And you said something
about a pet detective?

Oh, boy.
I just used
that one again.

- Look, Mr. Ventura, I am so--
- Don't bother, Goodson!

I came here to determine
whether you were stable enough

to continue to have
a practice.

I think I have
my answer.

Have a nice day.

- This is all your fault.
- I didn't send him here!

But you sent the others,
it made me think that
he was in on it, too!

I know.
That's why I'm here.

I came to apologize
for going overboard.

I really was
just trying to help.

Well, stop helping!

Every time you try
to apologize or help
something bad happens to me.

What the hell's
the matter with you?

Charlie?

Are you angry?

No.

I'm sorry,
but I don't think
I can see you again.

You obviously
have a problem.

I'm gonna get dressed
and take off.

Have a nice day.

I feel awful.

It's fine.
It's fine.

Now if you'll excuse me,
this is time of day

when I like to take
my pool cues outside

and smash them
against a tree.

So you're upset?

Well, yeah.

I mean, Jordan set up
these three people

to screw with me
the day before.

I just assumed that
the APA guy was part of it.

I've never been so angry.

I understand.

Charlie, what color
are you seeing?

You know what, Will?
I'm not doing the color thing.

Got ya.
It's all right.

Let's try an exercise.

I want you
to close your eyes

and I want you
to imagine yourself

somewhere where you're
relaxed and happy.

A rolling river.

A babbling brook.

A calm ocean.

And how do you feel?

Good...

because I'm drowning Jordan
in all of them.

It doesn't sound
like your quite ready

to give up your anger
towards Jordan now,

but how do you think
it makes her feel?

Purple.
I feel purple.

Personally,
I like the color thing.

Now how do you feel about
how you've made Charlie feel?

I have already said
that I'm sorry.

Look, Charlie,
I just got worried
about you

when you firebombed
that truck.

Charlie?

Can you forgive her?

I guess so.

I take back
what I said earlier.

If you were on fire,
I would spit on you.

Thank you, Charlie.

This is wonderful.

See, I think you two
can still have a positive
working relationship.

If I'm allowed to work.

The guy from the APA won't
even talk to me one-on-one.

He's scared to be alone
with me.

You grabbed me
by the lapel of my suit.

I thought you were
someone else.

You made fun of my eyes.

I was jealous.

They're beautiful.

Mr. Ventura,
how does that make you feel?

Flattered.

And after listening
to Dr. Denby,

I do understand
the situation

and I fully accept

Goodson's explanation
and apology.

That's great.
That's great. Thank you.

I just wish Jane
would understand and agree
to see me again.

Not gonna happen.

Dr. Woo told me
to stay away from anyone
with an anger problem.

I told you,
I don't have
an anger problem.

If you take away the thing
happened with Ventura,
firebombing,

a few smashed cell phones,
some punched out dry wall...

all right, I might have
an anger problem.

So you'll attend the next
four or five weeks

with a new
conscientious attitude?

What do you want
me to say?

That my anger's green?

Fine, it's green.

Charlie,
anger is never green.

Oh, yeah?

Then how do you explain
the Hulk?

[ laughing ]

You know what?
You are funny.

- Let's go out tonight.
- Cool with me.

Suck on that color, Woo.