All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E64.Charlie.Has.a.Threesome.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

Okay, guys,
about 45 more seconds.

What the hell's this
supposed to prove?

I told you,
it's an anger exercise.

If you get angry,
you lose focus, the table
will become unbalanced,

and somebody takes
a bowling ball
in the face.

Well, in that case,
I am going to stay focused...

on aiming the ball
right at Ed's head.

What's going to make us
angry anyway?

I'm going to start
insulting you.

Nothing personal.
Just completely
random insults.

So when does
that start?

You'll see,

you unmotivated,
pot-smoking man-child.

Okay, I'll wait.

That was an insult,
you brainless moron.

Hey, hey, hey.
Let's keep it positive,

you ancient,
redneck hillbilly.

[ laughs ]
You think that's
going to-- oh, damn!

It's headed
right for my head.

Patrick, stop it!

How much longer, Charlie?
My arm's hurting.

Just 10 more seconds,
you self-centered,

unemployed gold-digger.

- [ Nolan screams ]
- [ bowling ball thuds ]

How come she got mad
and I got hit by a ball?

Because this is
a very faulty exercise.

That was a cheap shot,
Charlie.

You know,
I don't even have a job.
I can't pay my rent.

The other day,
I had to borrow money
from my maid.

Did you consider
not having a maid?

You don't understand.

She's not just my maid.
She's also my psychic.

And she said that
I'm going to have my maid

for a very long time.

Oops. I didn't realize
group was still going on.

You left your laptop
at the office.

Oh, thanks.
I'll need this.

I'm going to write an article
for "Psychology Today" called

"Therapy Games
That Help No One."

All right, all,
I'll see you all next week.

Hey, Lacey,
Jordan,

would you mind sticking
around for a second?

Sure,
what's going on?

Well, Jordan,

I was thinking that
maybe you could help
Lacey get a job.

[ gasps ]
Oh, Charlie.

I'm flattered,
but I don't want
to do what she does.

It makes you
dress boring.

No offense.
Today you look
really good.

Well, Jordan,
what do you think?

Well, despite what Lacey
just said and the face
she just made,

I'd love to help her
with her résumé.

So do you have
your résumé with you?

I don't really have one.
I've only had two real jobs.

I was a sales girl at Sephora
and a pharmaceutical rep.

I wouldn't list
the last one, though,

because I got fired
for assaulting my boss.

We can say,

"Isn't afraid to
challenge management."

I hit him in the head
with a brick.

"Aims high."

This is hopeless.

I'm just going
to do something like...

- I don't know,
sell my eggs.
- What?

That's a huge moral
and ethical decision
to make.

You can't just
sell your eggs.

Fine, but will you
still send me

a copy of your résumé so
I can use it as an example?

Absolutely.

But don't be intimidated
by my accomplishments.

Rome wasn't built
in a day, you know.

Even though Caesar
said it was on his résumé.

[ both laugh ]

Well, Sasha,
I must say that

your chicken cordon bleu
was a big success.

It was my aunt's recipe.

My uncle never
missed a meal
in 45 years.

Can I ask you a favor?

I have a friend
from Chicago who needs
a place to stay for a while

while she looks
for a job in LA.

We used to be
escorts together,

but she just graduated
from culinary school.

Culinary school?

I don't think she's going
to like the way we treat
the food around here.

Come on.
It'll only be for
a couple of days.

You'll really like her.
She has a great
sense of humor.

All right.
It's fine, really.

Just tell her
to come on over.

[ doorbell rings ]

I might have already
done that this morning?

I wonder
if she had dinner.

I guess I could throw
some more chicken
on the floor.

Her name's Jenna.

She's really fun
and she's great
in the sack.

- Wait a second. Pardon me?
- Oh, yeah.

Guys used to hire
the two of us,

so I know her
really well.

Oh. Well, at least while
she's living here, I won't
be thinking about that.

- Jenna.
- Sasha.

- And this is Charlie.
- Hello.

- Hi. He is so much cuter
than you said he was.
- Right.

Yup, I'm thinking
about things.

[ theme music playing ]

So how long is this
other girl staying?

Just a few more days.
She's looking for a job
in LA.

That's awesome.

- So how's the three-way?
- What?

Are you kidding me?
Come on, I saw her.

She is smoking hot
and she used to be an escort.

You can't waste this.

There are people starving
in China for three-ways.

That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.

China is now
a economic powerhouse

which means everyone
can afford a three-way.

Listen, you got to
make this happen,
all right?

You have two smoking hot,
down-for-anything chicks.

I'm sorry.
Two smoking hot,
down-for-anything ladies.

Thank you.

People forget
you're a woman when
you're a bartender

and over 40
and always on top.

Do you think Sasha
would be into it?

Well, I'm sure
they both would
if I asked,

but I don't want
to take that chance
with Sasha.

I don't want to blow
what we have.

Three-ways
don't blow anything.

They're the most
efficient form of sex.

You're making
more people happy
in less time.

No, no, no.
Somebody's feelings
always get hurt

or somebody doesn't
get enough attention

or somebody yells out,
"Amber"

and there's nobody
in the bed named Amber.

Sasha?

Oh. Hi.

- Hey.
- Good. We are going to
bed early.

Yeah.
We all are.

We all?

Yeah, we all.

Are you okay
with this?

There are a whole bunch of
reasons not to do this...

but I can't remember
one of them right now.
Let's go.

[ both giggle ]

Oh, Ms. Jordan,
is Charlie around?

He's taking
the morning off, Cleo.

Can I help you
with something?

Oh, well, I was going to
talk to him about what
I think about you.

So this is going to
be awkward.

Why don't you talk to me
about what you think of me?

Oh, no.

You would not understand.

Is it possible
that you're just trying to
kill time outside your cell

by telling
the guard you need
to see the psychologist?

Oh, no.
I would never do that.

That is crazy.
You crazy.

That's crazy.

Shh.
He gonna hear you.

- [ cell phone chimes ]
- One second.

Hello?

You're confirming
my appointment for what?

I'm not selling my eggs.
How did you get this number?

It was on my résumé?

Lacey.

What time?

Damn right I'll be there.

Oh, Ms. Jordan,

would you like me
just to stay around here

and man the phones
while you're gone?

No, that's against
the rules.

What is it with this place
and all these rules?

Rules, rules, rules.

I said it before
and this time I mean it--

I would like to go home.

Hey, want to hit
the batting cages?

I really shouldn't.
I've had a lot to drink.

What's happening here?

A little breakfast
in bed?

Three of everything.

I know what's going on.

You're binge eating again,
aren't you, Charlie?

Stop eating your emotions.

- Let me.
- No, don't, don't, don't.

That's for
Sasha and Jenna.

You did it,
didn't you?

Yes, I did.

And I did.
And they did.
And then I did.

There's a bunch
more dids in there.

It got a little
confusing towards
the end.

So how was it?
Did anything go wrong?

No, no, no.
Everything was cool.

I mean, there was
one weird moment.

Somebody started crying,
right?

Somebody always
starts crying.

You didn't start crying,
did you?

Nobody cried.

But every time
I looked at Jenna,
she was staring at me

with this
super intense look.

Like she really
wanted me or something.

Yeah,
of course she did.

I mean, she was
having sex with you.

No, I think she's
really into me.

Like she wants
to connect.

I think she wants
something more than
just a threesome.

- You mean like a foursome?
- No, a twosome.

But how's a twosome
more than a threesome?

Emotionally more.

Just show me the look.

- I'm not going to
show you the look.
- Show me the look.

All right, fine.

Yeah, she's in love
with you.

I think I am, too.
What are you going to do?

I'm going to take her
out to lunch and talk to her.

I don't want this thing
to be awkward.

Boy, big problem for you.

Good luck with it all.

I'm going to
grab some cereal
and get out of here.

No, no, don't.
There's just enough
for me and the girls.

You got to lose this chick.
She's ruining everything.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Sorry I'm late.

I just came from
an interview at
a restaurant.

That's great.
And?

Well, it was
a seafood place

with one of those tanks
filled with live crabs.

Turned out it
was imitation crabmeat

formed into
the shape of crabs.

The bubbling ornaments
kept them moving.

Wow, that is so not
a good restaurant.

I hate when
they make the food
pretend it's alive.

So what's up?

Look, maybe it was
just my imagination,

but the other night
when we were all together,

I caught you
staring at me.

Yeah, that wasn't
your imagination.

[ chuckles ]
I understand.

There's something about me
that attracts women.

I don't know what it is--

charisma, good looks,
intelligence.

- [ laughs ]
- You know, I was prom king

three years in a row
at a high school
I didn't even go to.

You're a very
attractive man.

Shh.
Don't make this harder.

The point is nothing
can happen between us

because Sasha's the one
I really want to be with.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm sorry, what?

I've always liked Sasha.

But after seeing her
with you,

I realized I want her
all to myself.

So then, why were you
staring at me?

I was hoping that
if I looked at you
hard enough,

your head
would explode.

I'm starting to get
the feeling that you're
not in love with me.

Look, you're
a super nice guy

and I really appreciate you
letting me stay with you
while I'm in town,

but I'm sorry,

I'm going to
have to destroy
your relationship.

What are you going to do,
stare at it until it explodes?

Please.

Your stares are lame.

Stop that.

- Sasha.

I just had drinks
with Jenna.

I got to tell you this fast
before she gets here.

What is it?

She told me
that she's really
in love with you

and she's going to try
to break us up.

Come on.
She was just kidding.

I told you she has
a great sense of humor.

She wasn't kidding.

She came this close
to exploding my head
with her eyes.

Charlie,
we're friends.

It's just because
I gave her all those
orgasms last night.

Hey, hey, hey.
I like to think I was the one
that loosened the pickle jar.

- [ car door shuts ]
- Oh, hey, guys.

- How's it going?
- Jenna, Charlie doesn't
get your sense of humor.

What do you mean?

He took you seriously
when you said that you
were in love with me.

Oh, wow.

I guess we're going to
talk about this.

Okay,
I was serious.

You were?

I've never had the courage
to tell you before,

but I love you.

I've always loved you.

- I want you to be mine.
- Oh.

Have my babies,
bitch.

- [ scoffs ] You!
- [ laughing ]

[ chuckling ]

I have no idea
what was funny
about that.

She was just
screwing with you.

See, this is
what she does.

I told you she has
a great sense of humor.

And great is
very subjective.

Well, you know what?
I guess I believed you

because Sasha's
so wonderful

and I figured that
anybody would want her.

But that
sociopath character
you created was a--

well, that was a riot.

You are so sweet.

Now I'm going to
run out and get some
limes for those margaritas.

[ laughs ]

- I still want her.
- You don't say.

Excuse me.
Hi.

Are you here
to buy some eggs?

- Um, yes, we are.
- Oh, cool.

Because I'm selling
my eggs

and they're totally fresh

and they came from
a teeny-tiny little farm
inside my body.

I'm just kidding.
I am very smart.

- Here's my résumé.
- We'll think about it.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- There you are.
- Jordan, what are you
doing here?

I was trying to help you
get a job and this is
how you repay me?

- By stealing my résumé?
Give me those.
- No, they're mine.

- See, my name's on it.
- Yeah, but that's
my phone number.

If it's really your résumé,
then where did you go to
high school?

- Don't look.
- I don't have to look.

Where did you
go to high school?

I went to McKinley.
What does that have
to do with anything?

Because I went to McKinley.
Look, it says it right here.

How can you live
with yourself doing
something like this?

Because with my looks
and your brains,

we can make a fortune.

We?

If you let me
use your résumé,

I'll split my egg money
with your 80/30.

That's not what
a star mathlete
would say.

- Lacey.
- We read your résumé.

We love it.
We want your eggs.

That's my résumé.

All you'll get from her
is a baby that's devious
and vain.

I don't know
what this woman
is talking about.

And if babies
didn't have veins,
they would die.

I know this
because I'm a doctor.

You know those crazy,
desperate women

who read about prisoners
in the newspaper

and start sending them
creepy love letters?

I finally got me
one of them.

Well, congratulations,
Wayne.

I couldn't be more weirded out
for the both of you.

Thank you.

But lately,
we've been having
some problems.

She wants a key
to your cell

and you're just not ready
for that kind of commitment?

No, I missed her birthday

and someone else
sent her flowers.

I sent her three packs
of cigarettes a week later.

Boy, talk about
too little, too late.

Guys, love triangles
are tough

whether you're
in prison or not.

For example,
my girlfriend Sasha

just invited another girl
to join us for a threesome.

[ all booing, hissing ]

Charlie, your problems
make me want to kill myself...

before the state does.

Okay, okay.

I know that my life
sounds like an endless parade
of fun and women--

which is kind of is--

but I found out
that this other girl

is in love with Sasha
and is trying to drive me out.

I see.

The French has a name
for this kind of problem.

It's called "le problemo
de la bangarama."

This Sasha chick
sounds amazing.

If you don't want this
other girl to steal her away,

you should lock Sasha down.

What do you mean,
like marry her?

I was thinking lock her down
with a chain or something.

But if you want to marry her,
sure, that might work, too.

Well, one of you
has a doctorate,
and we want that egg.

We'll pay you
$30,000.

- That's my doctorate.
- This is crazy!

It's my doctorate.

In addition to the doctorate,
I also have this hair.

And if breasts are important
to your toddler,

may I direct
your gaze here?

Okay, this has gone
far enough.

- She's a fraud.
- She's an alcoholic.

She's got ADD.

She's an alcoholic.
Did I already say that?

Now who do you believe?

Okay, this is
obviously yours.
We'll take your eggs.

- Thank you. In your face.
Let's do this.
- Okay.

What the hell am I doing?
I'm not selling my eggs.

Hey, mister,
we both know

this is your last chance
to have a hot kid.

Well, there she is.

How was your interview,

Chef Boy-are-you-a-bitch?

Where's Sasha?

I don't know.

I've been playing
"champong" with myself.

I'm kicking ass.
Check it out.

I am on fire.

Don't you have
too many cups?

I've adjusted the rules

so I can't lose.

I've dealt with enough
disappointment today.

Oh, really?
What happened?

You'll enjoy this.

But if you want to know,
you have to play.

Whatever.

Rejected.

Like me.

What are you
talking about?

Sasha and I are over.

I proposed to her
and she said no.

So whatever
you said to her
about me worked.

Oh, I forgot
to throw a ball.

Wow.

That didn't take long.

I was prepared
to talk smack about
you for months.

Months?

You prepared enough
smack about me
for months?

I could see a couple
of weeks of smack,
but months?

I downloaded an app
just to make notes.

I organized it
and everything.

Oh, look, it's in
alphabetical order.

A: arrogant.

B: beyond arrogant.

C: completely arrogant.

Is this all you had?

Look at F.

Oh, no.
That's not nice.

By the way,
you're not gonna
get her either.

Really?
What makes you so sure?

Because that girl
does not want to
commit to anybody.

You don't know her like I do.
She's in love with me, too.

She just hasn't
realized it yet.

Hmm. Sasha.

Have you heard enough?

I can't believe
I trusted you.

I can't believe
how good I am
at champong.

By the way,
that's real
champagne.

I am completely
hammered.

That was really nice
you having sex with me
just now.

Wow. Considering
all the dirty things
you said in the last hour,

that was
unexpectedly polite.

I'm just saying
that because in that
little story you told,

when you asked
me to marry you,
I turned you down.

Well, then maybe this
was revenge sex.

And I don't know why
we brought a third person
into our bed.

It doesn't get
any better than this.

Yeah.
Jenna was a mistake.

So you never want
a threesome again?

Oh, no, no, no, no.
I have a whole list
of other people.

Really, it's just
everybody but her.