All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E59.Charlie.Screws.a.Prisoners.Girlfriend.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

Okay, guys.

Last week we talked
about clearing out
our emotional closets.

There's a lot
of old stuff

that you're hanging on
to and today--

well, today we're
just gonna burn it.

- Ed.
- Well, I brought this.

Junk mail, food wrappers,
paper plates?

How does that represent
your anger, Ed?

I was angry because
I forgot to clean out
the backseat of my car.

Well, at least
you put no effort
into this whatsoever.

Which is the best way
to notget better

as soon as possible.

De nada.

Patrick, what have you held on
to you'd like to get rid of?

It's in this envelope
and I need to get rid of it

because every time I look
at it, I get furious.

Well, good for you, Patrick.
What is it?

It's your last bill.

I was 10 minutes late
to group and you didn't
prorate it.

I keep telling you,
you don't pay less

when you'relate,
you pay less when I'mlate.

Or if you can prove
that I'm sleeping behind
my sunglasses.

I'm putting it in
anyway.

Lacey?

Oh, I brought
a bunch of CDs.

Okay, clearly everyone
has confused

this assignment about
throwing away emotional
garbage with...

garbage garbage.

Not emotional?
I kept those in
my nightstand.

Seeing Lil Wayne's
face every time

I reached for a condom
was very traumatic.

You have a mix CD
from Sean?

"Sean Healey's
music to bang by.

Volume three.
Ethnic chicks."

Okay, that one's
very emotional.

I hate your stupid
neighbor Sean,

but it was pretty
fun to bang by.

You know what, Lacey?
Sean is my good friend

and I don't think
he'd like that I know
about this.

So I'm just gonna
hold on to it.

Embarrass
the hell outta him later.
[ clears throat ]

Nolan, I don't see
anything in your hand.

Well, I gotta stop
smoking weed this week

to pass a urine test
for a new job I'm up for.

So I brought in this.

Oh, good for you, Nolan.
I'm glad you've made
this decision.

Yeah, I figured I'd get rid
of half of this now

and burn the rest at home.

One joint at a time.

Nolan, if you smoke any
weed in the next two days,

you'll never pass
that drug test.

Yeah, Nolan, just throw
it in the can

and let's smoke
this place up.

I just don't think
I can quit

and I only got two days
until the test.

Well, of course you can.
You know why?

Because all these people
are gonna help you.

Smoke the weed?
Damn straight!

Throw the bag
in the fire and let's
smoke this place up.

I was talking about
emotional support.

And since our
earlier experiment
was a total fail,

I want each of you
to give up something

for the next two days
to help Nolan.

Lacey, you're gonna give
up shopping.

Are you sure?
Because the place
where I shop,

for every piece
of clothing you buy,

they give a penny
to a kid in Thailand.

That's not charity,
that's what the kid

gets paid to make
the clothes.

And you're gonna
take that away from them?

Yes.

No shopping.

And, Ed, you're gonna
give up beer.

Damn it! Can I just
give up shopping, too?

Wouldn't that
be impossible for you?

I mean, look at you,
a new outfit every decade?

You're a fashionista.

And, Patrick,

you are gonna
give up sarcasm.

[ scoffs ]
Okay.

Like I can't go through
a day without sarcasm.

Wait a minute.
Maybe I can't.

I have a suggestion.

You're allowed to say
anything except

"Let's smoke
this place up."

Yeah.
That's what I thought.

So, Paul, six months
from now, you're gonna
be out of prison

and dealing with everyday
stuff that can cause
a lot of anger.

So why don't we
try some role-playing?

Let's say I just
served you some soup.

Here you go.

Thank you.
This looks great.

- How is it?
- It's the worst
bowl of soup

you've ever had
in your life.

You think she
spit in it.

[ spits ]
If you think you can
bring me a bowl

of this crap,
you're out of your damn mind.

Now take your ass
back in that kitchen

and bring me something
I ain't gonna choke on.

Or else you ain't getting
none of my money, bitch.

Uh, sorry,

we should have mentioned
this isn't a restaurant.

You're talking
to your girlfriend.

Yeah, I know.

Oh. Charlie?

We've got some
work to do.

By the way,
it's my girlfriend's
birthday today

and I made
her a present.

I love her so much.

Sounds like it.

Wow.

Where did you
find pearls in prison?

Well, actually,
those are rat teeth
that I filed down

into perfect
little circles.

Oh. Well, this
is the most elegant

rodent-based jewelry
I've ever seen.

Don't you think,
Jordan?

I don't know,
I stopped looking.

Charlie, you think
you can give 'em to her?

You're the only guy
I trust.

Sure, Paul.
You got it.

Oh, and when you
get out of here there's
a little taco place

on the corner that has
enough potential jewelry

to keep you
in business for years.

[ knock on door ]

- Can I help you?
- Maureen?

- Yes.
- Yeah, hi.

I'm Charlie Goodson.

I'm Paul's
therapist at the prison
prerelease clinic.

He asked me
to drop off this
birthday gift for you.

Hmm. Is it another
pair of earrings made
out of rat teeth?

No, but that should
go beautifully
with those.

Come on in.

So you're his
therapist, right?

Can I tell you something
in confidence?

Of course.

Well, I want to break
up with Paul.

Oh. Well, when
you do,

I wouldn't be
serving him soup.

Maybe you could help me.
Like prepare him a little.

I mean, he's gonna
go ballistic once
he finds out.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
I really can't do that.

I'm just his therapist.
I don't get involved in
his personal matters.

You just hand-delivered
a birthday present
to his girlfriend.

I do one vermin-toothed
delivery a year.

Look, I'd really
appreciate it.

I told him I wasn't
gonna make a decision

about our relationship
until he got out,

but I've already
made up my mind.

I'm sorry you feel
that way.

I mean, Paul seems
like a pretty decent guy

other than the armed
robberies and stuff.

He's awful

and he was lousy
in the sack.

I haven't even had
bad sex in three years.

- You want a drink?
- I'd love to,

but I should--
I should really
get going.

Yeah. You probably
don't wanna be here.

It's my birthday,
I'm super horny,

and I'm about
to start drinking.

Maybe just a little one.

Oh, look, I got some
music we can listen to.

[ theme music playing ]

The world is so ugly
when you're not high.

This afternoon I watched
a plastic bag dancing in
the wind for an hour.

Nothing.

You can do it, Nolan.
It's just another
24 hours.

What's the matter with you?
I've gone 24 hours

without a beer,
I'm doing fine.

Give me another one of
these nonalcoholic beers.

You want
it with a whiskey
chaser again?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Right.
Anything for you two?

I'll have
five orders of
buffalo wings.

Oh, wait.
I'm not high.

I'm good.

- Another gin
and tonic for you?
- Yes, please.

Nolan said you'd given
up being sarcastic.

- How's that going?
- Oh, it's just the
most fantastic--

it's hard.
It's really hard.

Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.

There was a lot
of traffic coming back
from Beverly Hills.

Is that a new purse?

Yeah, I just picked it up
from Neiman Marcus.

You're supposed
to be supporting me
by not shopping.

I am. Shopping involves
going to the register

and paying and I skipped
that part.

Oh, shoplifting,
what a wonderful--

damn it.
Stealing is wrong.

This is just
so stupid.

I'm miserable,
Patrick's miserable,

and you two are
just finding loopholes.

Well...

I got my own loophole.

Don't smoke that, Nolan.
You'll fail the drug test.

I'm not gonna
smoke it.

Yes, I am.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How'd it go
with Paul's girlfriend?

Did you give her
the birthday gift?

Yeah, I gave
her the gift.

Did she like it?

She said it was exactly
what she needed.

How could any woman like
something so disgusting?

I mean, just the idea
of having something like
that on my body--

Hey, she liked it, okay?

The rat tooth necklace.

Hey, Paul.

I hear Maureen
liked the present.

Well, she must not have
liked it too much.

She sent me an email
saying she had sex with
some guy that night.

Wow. That's--
that's rough.

Did she say who?

Wait a minute.
You were there last night.

Yeah.

Did you see anybody?

Yes, yes.

I saw a super tall Asian
guy runnin' out the back.

Damn it! That's her
brother-in-law.

I knew I couldn't
trust that dude.

No, no, no, no.
This guy had a mohawk.

An Asian
with a mohawk?

Yeah, that's Phil,
all right.

I'm gonna kill him.

Look, we can't assume
it was him.

There's a lot of...

tall Asian guys
with mohawks walking around.

Besides, this guy
was wearing

wooden clogs
and a kilt.

Yeah, that's not Phil.

Oh, thank God.

Listen, you don't want
to wind up back here

because you got mad
and then beat some guy up

who just had a momentary
lapse of judgment.

Or knew exactly
what he was doing

and chose to do
it anyway.

Why are you
making stuff up?

Well, listen, I got to
get back to kitchen duty.

Did you get that
message from my lawyer?

Yeah, why does
the prison board want
to meet with us tomorrow?

I don't know.
I've been a model prisoner

with a record
of good behavior
and no violence.

I deserve to get out.
So I can bust that
dude's head in.

[ sighs ]
Okay, I hear you.

Luckily, we've got
six months to work
on your anger.

We were gonna do
a role-play tomorrow about
bad spaghetti dinners,

but I think we
can go straight to
cheating girlfriends.

Think that'll help?

I hope so.

Believe me,
it's as important to me
as it is to you.

So, Paul,
we know you're set for
a six-month release date.

But we've been
reviewing your behavior.

I'm sorry, Mr. Adams.
Before you continue,

I'd just like
to say that...

during Paul's time here,
he's learned forgiveness,

compassion,
and most importantly

to put bros
before hos.

Well, thank you
for that confusing
interruption.

But I was going
to congratulate Paul

because he's going
to be released
this afternoon.

What?

That's awesome,
isn't it, Charlie?

Well, yeah.
That's great.

This is a big
moment for us.

Can I have a second
alone with my patient?

Oh, sure. Go ahead.

Thanks, Charlie.
This is the answer
to my prayers.

- Sounds pretty good,
doesn't it?
- Yeah.

It's a trap.
Tell 'em no.

What?

They want to kick you out
before you're ready so you
wind up back in here.

That's how they make
their money.

It's like a pyramid scheme,
but they use prisoners
instead of some...

immune-boosting
cactus juice.

- You're being used.
- I don't know what
you're saying, Charlie.

But I'm ready
to get outta here.

Are you? You don't
know what it's like
on the outside.

- You've been in prison
for how long?
- Three years.

Three years.
Well, the whole
world has changed.

How?

How?

Stamps are more
expensive.

I see right through
what you're trying
to do, Charlie.

- You do?
- Yeah.

You care about me.

And I appreciate it.

You might be the best
friend I ever had.

Please remember that.

Mr. Miller.

Patrick.
What are you
doing here?

I came to support
you for your drug test.

- Why?
- 'Cause there's nothing
in the world

I would rather be doing.

God, I missed sarcasm
so much.

I don't think I'm gonna
pass the test, Patrick.

I took a couple
hits last night,

but I'm hoping
it won't show up.

That's why I'm doing
you a solid

by giving you
a liquid.

Oh, great.
Something to drink
to make me pee.

No! No, no!
That's my pee.

It's drug-free pee.

Oh!
That's really nice.

Thanks, Patrick.
I'll give you back
what I don't use.

Ed. What are you
doing here?

Here. I came by
to help you.

I put that little
present together at
3:00 this morning,

5:00 this morning,
and 7:00 this morning.

Oh, so you decided
to pee in a jar

and not all over
the toilet seat at
Charlie's house.

For the record,
that wasn't sarcasm.

That was a desperate
plea for a man to aim!

Well, thanks, Ed.
It means a lot.

Here, Nolan.

Lacey, you came
here, too?

This is like
"It's a Wonderful Life,"

but with pee.

That's a very expensive
perfume bottle.

I just stole it
from Barney's.
You can keep it.

Mr. Johnson.

- It's your turn.
- Okay.

Hey, uh...
after, maybe we can,

I don't know,
go shopping or grab a beer?

Oh, absolutely.
We'd love to.

You think he realizes
you were being sarcastic?

He has no idea.

Hi, Maureen.
This is Paul's therapist,
Charlie Goodson,

leaving another message
to remind you again

that all I did
was stop by, and drop off
the necklace.

Thanks.
Return a call, woman!

Charlie, I am
in big trouble.

You're in big trouble?
You should hear what
I'm going through.

Some guy named Paul Wesley
who just got out of prison

left me a voicemail
saying that I hooked up
with his girlfriend

and he's gonna kill me.

Suddenly what I'm going
through doesn't seem so bad.

- How did that happen?
- I don't know!

Apparently I hooked up
with some chick named Maureen

who I don't even remember
and he found out.

- How?
- I'm such an idiot!

I'm so stupid, I left
one of my "to bang by"
CDs at her place.

Well, that's a bummer.

How did I let my life
get so outta control
like this?

I don't know,

but admitting you have
a problem is the first step.

Look, maybe I can
help you.

How?

Well, if this
Paul Wesley guy

went through
the prison system,
I'm sure I can find him

and maybe I can get him
to go easy on you.

And you think
that would work?

- It might.
- [ exhales ]

I mean, to him, you're
just a faceless stranger.

It's not like you're
some guy who he trusted
and betrayed him.

- Right.
- That's the kind of guy
he'd really wanna kill.

Dude, thank you
so much for doing this.

I can't believe that
I'm in this much trouble.

I wish I could at least
remember having sex
with this woman.

Stop trying.
You're never going to.

[ knock on door ]

Thanks for coming
over, guys.

I got some
great news.

- So, did you
get the job?
- No.

How could you fail?

We all brought you
clean urine.

Unless...

oh, no.

There was an IQ test.

Nope. It was just
a drug test.

The guy ended up
hiring his nephew.

- I'm sorry, Nolan.
- That's all right.

But I just smoked
a big fatty

and the Cartoon Network's
entire lineup

makes sense
to me again.

- [ knocking on door ]
- Coming.

Hey, Paul.
How's it going?

Like crap.
Freedom sucks.

First my girlfriend
screws some dude
and breaks up with me.

Then she takes our
only car and splits.

Then how did
you get here?

The bus
and it's horrible.

At least on the
prison bus, the crazy
people are handcuffed.

Look, I asked you
over here so I could
calm you down.

If you have another
violent incident, you're
going back to prison.

All I know is I gotta
find this dude.

Okay. I've done
you one better.

I found him for you
and he's in my kitchen.

You found him?
Oh, thanks, Charlie.

You're the best.
You know, if you want,

you can watch
while I kill him.

- It's gonna be fun.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Nobody's killing
anybody here.

This is my house.
Not a bus.

So, Paul,
this is Sean.

Oh, he's really big.

I am so sorry.
Obviously...

if I could go
back in time,

I never would've done
what it is that I did.

I mean, if I could
go back in time,

I'd probably kill Tom Jones
and see Hitler in Vegas.

That's not even ri--
I'm so nervous.

Don't worry, Sean.
He's not gonna hurt you.

You got one minute
before I snap his neck.

Well, then we got a lot
of work to do in one minute.

Look, we don't even
know each other,

but I'm sure that he's
not the kind of guy

that would sleep
with a woman knowing
she's got a boyfriend.

- Would you, Sean?
- Never! No!
Of course not.

I don't even-- I don't
even remember this woman.

You took advantage
of my beautiful angel
and you don't even remember?

Listen, she couldn't
have been that beautiful,

otherwise I would have.

I think you can
do better, that's all.
I think you can do better.

- Son of a bitch!
- No! Wait, wait, wait.

Maybe-- maybe Sean
is right.

In a pathetic,

stupid,
backwards way.

Thank you.

Maureen is the problem.

You're angry with her,
not with this guy.

You don't want to
be with a woman who
sleeps around on you.

You know what?
You're right.

- I'll never
see her again.
- Good.

Because I'll be back
in prison for killing
this fool.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- You can
have my car.
- What?

She took your car
and if you promise

to let him go,
you can have mine.

Why would you do this
for a total stranger?

Why did Jesus

help all the strangers

who banged
his patients' girlfriends?

You never heard
that story?

Just take the car.

Thanks, Charlie.

Well, that's taken
care of.

You owe me, Sean.
You owe me big-time.

Yeah.

So what was it like banging
that dude's girlfriend?

- What?
- You never would've
given him your car

if it wasn't you
who did it.

Jesus.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

And by the way,

who puts
"Kung Fu Fighting"
on a bang CD?