All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E57.Charlie.Catches.Jordan.in.the.Act.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

Here you go, Ed.

What's this all
about, Charlie?

It's a little reward
for everyone opening up
in therapy this week.

Great job, everyone.

Thank you, Charlie.

Oh.
What a lovely bottle
of table wine.

2014.
Good year...

so far.

Jesus on the road
to Pittsburgh, Charlie.

This is a
primo bottle of
160 proof bourbon.

This could kill me.

That's a $200 bottle.

Huh.

Oh, my God.

Dom Perignon?
Thank you, Charlie.

Look at that.

Wow. Some kind of
French wine from 1981.

Is this gonna go well
with grilled cheese?

No, you boob!
That is a Chateau Margaux.

It goes well with
filet mignon or a delicate
foie gras.

How about a gently
toasted Pop-Tart?

Okay, I know what you're
trying to do here, Charlie.

You're trying
to get me soangry
that I explode

and sound petty
complaining about
some idiot from my school

who's gonna be famous
just because he sent
an audition tape

into "America's Top Designer"
and got on,

even though his signature
style element is
fun buttons.

So, how's my plan
going so far?

Pretty good.
Who's got a corkscrew?

Well, what do
they think of your
audition tape, Patrick?

I didn't send one.

Patrick, you're not angry
at this other guy.

You're angry at yourself.

Get off your ass and make
your own audition tape.

I would, but
this season they're
focusing on men's clothing

and the submission
has to be in tomorrow

and I'm never gonna
find a model in time.

That's just
an excuse.

If you can handle
a realman, I might
make myself available.

Aw, Ed.
That's so sweet.

Except I designed
all the clothes to fit
my ex-boyfriend,

who's a human being,
not a life-sized
Yosemite Sam.

Sean:
I'll do it!

Sean, what did I
tell you about eavesdropping
on the group?

That it's not worth it

because nobody ever says
anything interesting.

Which you were...

wrong about.

Please stop doing
what you're doing.

You really wanna be
Patrick's model?

I do. The other day,
I was getting out of the shower

and I caught a glimpse
of all this in the mirror,

and I thought,
"I could make a living
being this."

What do you think, Patrick?
Does Sean work for you?

Sure, as long
as he doesn't do

that "point in
the distance" thing.

Oh, I can't really
promise that. I kinda go
where the mood takes me.

Well, I'm trying
to finish group,
so I'm hoping

that the mood
takes you...

out the door.

Thanks for helping
Patrick.

He just needed
a little push.

Of course. It's a blessing
to give without expecting
anything in return.

So, where the hell
is my birthday gift?

Oh, wow.
It's still on
layaway at the

"things dudes
shouldn't expect
from other dudes" store.

Well, that's a shame
'cause I got you a present.

I have a party bus full of
booze and strippers.

It'll be here
any minute.

Even the driver
is a stripper.

I bet when she gets
down to her chauffeur's cap
and little lumbar cushion,

she's a sight
to see, huh?

Let's do this.
C'mon, let's get
some singles.

Sean, I can't.
I just started
this counseling clinic

with Jordan
at the prison.

If it's successful,
it'll be huge for me
professionally.

Oh, that's right.
You have a future
and a career.

I'm just a lonely guy
on his birthday

who thought
he had a friend,

but I guess I don't.

All right, screw it.
I'll go.

Yes!

Dude, we're gonna have
so much fun.

Hey, Charlie.
Ready to go?

Oh, hello, Sean.

[ sighs ]
'Sup, J?

Lookin' good.

You know, today's
my birthday,

so if you wanna
get me a gift--

Amazon gift card.

Visa gift card.

Casual sex...

gift card.

- Ahem--
- Charlie, we should go.

We have someone
coming in early.

Jordan, I've
been thinking
about it and--

and I'm not
coming in today.

Why not?

I have been grooming you
for a while now

to work with patients
on your own, and...

today is the day that
you're ready to start.

What?

Charlie, no.
I just got my
counseling license.

No way.
I'm not ready yet.

Nobody feels ready
the first time they
do something.

You think a stripper
driving a party bus

for the first time
feels ready? No.

What are you
talking about?

C'mon. It's just Tim.
We've been seeing Tim
for weeks.

You have a great
rapport with Tim.

You'll be fine
with Tim.

I guess.

So, you're not
coming in at all?

I would love to,
but...

I got a ton of paperwork
I'm just gonna get caught up
with here at home.

[ dance music playing,
car horn beeping ]

So...
ahem--

good luck.

[ theme music playing ]

So, Tim. Charlie
won't be joining
us today, but

you should have
full confidence
that I can counsel you

on your re-entry
to society on my own.

Whoo--!
Found your file.

So...

why don't we...

pick up where we
left off last week?

Absolutely,
Dr. Denby.

I keep telling you,
call me Jordan.

Jordan. That's
a real pretty name
for a real pretty woman.

Oh, thank you.

You're not so bad
yourself.

Despite the fact
that you nearly beat
three men to death

with your bare hands.
Wow.

What happened there?

I was just
workin' at the marina.
I restore boats as a hobby.

Working with your hands
and... faded jeans.

Go on.

Well, I'm too much of a
gentleman to tell you what those
thugs did to my girl, but...

after I was done
with them I...

ripped my shirt off
and used it as a pillow
under my lady's head.

Stroked her hand until
the ambulance arrived.

Oh, my...

[ exhales ]

[ chuckles ]

Look, Tim.

What you did

may have been
justified.

But there are
going to be times

where you're gonna be
in situations where

a physical response
is not appropriate.

Well, is there ever a time
where a physical response
isn't appropriate?

[ laughing ]
I don't know.
Shut up, Tim.

Anyway...

Ahem--
there are--

techniques that
you can use...

to prevent this.
For instance,

if someone were to
get too close

and invade your
personal space,

it might trigger
certain feelings--

No!
This is wrong!

Ugh.

Maybe we should
do a mock job interview.

- What are you good at?
- Kissing.

You're hired.

Charlie,
I have to talk to you.

Jordan.
What are you doing
out at night?

Shouldn't you be at home
petting your cats

with a bucket of ice cream
strapped to your head?

- I did something bad.
- Oh, no. You were
petting your ice cream

with a cat strapped
to your head?

I was really, really
nervous at the prison,

so I had a couple
drinks and...

I made out with Tim!

Okay, hold on,
hold on.

Not Tim
the prisoner,

you mean
Tim the janitor.

There is no
Tim the janitor.

Well, then you better
go find one and start
kissing him.

'Cause if it's Tim
the prisoner, they're
gonna shut us down.

I tried
to stop myself.

- Then why didn't you?
- Because he works
with his hands,

and has a beard and is hot,
and I like him!

Jordan, Jordan.

We just had
a sexual harassment
seminar.

Didn't you learn
anything?

They never said anything

about a hot prisoner
with a beard

who works with his hands
and I like him.

This was gonna be
the biggest thing
in our careers

and you threw it
all away for a cheap
sexual thrill.

Charlie.

What's taking
so long with
the tequila?

Oh, Sean finally
got the blacklight
working on the bus

and Tammy's already
rolling around in
glow-in-the-dark paint.

I'll be
right there, sweetie.

Girl:
Okay.

How could you be so
selfish and irresponsible?

Yousent me out
to handle a patient

before I was ready
so that you could
spend the day

with a bunch of
stupid strippers?

Hey, they are not
all stupid.

In fact, one of them
happens to be

a licensed
bus driver.

Okay, action!

Oh. Hey, everybody.

I'm Patrick,

and I'm gonna tell you
why I want to be

the next "America's
Top Designer."

Revenge.

[ laughing ]
Just kidding.

It's because
I'm the best
that there is.

And I'm not kidding.

Come take a look
at some of my work.

Feast your eyes
on a little something
I like to call

"the Perfection Collection"
because, well--

I'll just let the clothes
speak for themselves.

[ snaps fingers ]

This is my take
on club formal.

Hi, I'm Sean Healey
and you can view
more photographs--

Hey, what the hell
are you doing?

You're not
supposed to talk.

Well, I'm confused.
How am I supposed to
promote myself?

This isn't about you.
It is about me

and how my clothes
elevate the human spirit

and make people feel
better about themselves.

You are just a hanger.

Uh, no, I'm not.
I am a model,

and models
have perfectly
proportioned feelings,

and you just hurt mine.

Patrick, why don't
you tell everybody
why you design clothes?

Asking why I design
clothes

is like-- is like asking
an eagle why he flies.

Or a duck
why he swims--

and occasionally
flies.

We don't have
a choice.

Now, take a look
at the lines on the
back of this jacket.

You can turn
around now.

Oh, wow.
Look at the ass
on that suit, huh?

Keep shakin' that thing
and let me zoom in.

No! You shut up,
and you...

stop doing that
or I swear to God
I will end you.

You'll end me?

Sometimes I say things
without thinking.

I'm out.

Ugly attitude,
terrific clothes.

Thanks for coming in, Tim.
I know you're busy.

Yeah, it's okay. I was
just sittin' in my cell
starin' at the wall,

but I can move that
to this afternoon.

That's funny.
I like you.

You're a good person.

Listen, uh,
I know what happened
between you and Jordan,

and I wouldn't tell
anybody else about it

because she happens
to be married...

to the warden.

The warden's a woman.

Exactly.

But she's
a lesbian woman

who's very attached
to our Jordan,

who is her
lesbian wife.

- Warden's not a lesbian.
- How do you know?

- Well, I slept with her.
- You slept with the warden?

What the hell you still
doing in here?

What's this all about,
Charlie?

All right, look.
[ exhales ]

I'm gonna level with you.
Jordan's pretty
screwed up,

and she was way outta line
and lost control.
but I mean,

who could blame her?
Look at that beard.

Tim, this would really
damage our program.
if it gets out

so do me a favor.
Just keep it under your hat

and when you get out,
I'll buy you a beer.

A beer sounds good.

But I'm also gonna need
$20,000 to keep my mouth shut.

$20,000 or I lose
my clinic?

That's criminal!

Why am I saying that
like I'm surprised?

All right, guys.
Before we wrap this up,
I just wanna say

that running my new clinic
is very expensive.

Every little bit helps,
so I'd appreciate anything
you could scrounge up.

Nickels, dimes...

$20,000.

I got four cigarettes
and a tattoo gun

made out of a BIC pen
and dental floss.

Well, I would contribute,
but I gave all my money
to Wayne's campaign.

Now, he's too modest
to tell you, but...

he was just elected
president of our cell block!

[ clapping ]

Our first
white president.

Lord, I never thought
I'd live to see the day.

I ran on the
"keep the TV on
Telemundo" platform.

Makes the Mexicans
happy 'cause, well...
it's Mexican,

the blacks happy
because there's
pretty dancing girls,

and the Aryans happy
'cause they're not
being killed

by the blacks
or Mexicans.

Well, congratulations,
Wayne, and keep in mind

that with a tiny bit
of power comes a tiny bit
of responsibility.

I'll see you all
next week.

Wayne, can I talk
to you for a second?

When you're out
on the campaign trail

shaking hands,
and kissing babies--

Careful, Charlie.
Those mean different
things in prison.

You don't want to
kiss a prisoner's baby

and you definitely
do not wanna
shake his hand.

Of course not.
Especially after he's...

kissed your baby.

Do you happen to know
a guy named Tim Simon?

Oh, yeah. Tim's a
good friend of mine.

Great beard.

He's trying to
shake me down
for 20 grand

for something
that happened
with him and Jordan

at the clinic.

Doesn't surprise me.
Jordan's quite
the temptress

and women are defenseless
against Tim's charms.

Much as they
are against my
chloroform and duct tape.

Would you mind
talking to him for me?

No problem. Don't worry,
he's probably just having a
little bit of fun with ya.

Well, thanks, man.
I appreciate it.

So, what happened
with those two?

- She kiss his baby?
- No.

Oh, no.
She shook his hand?

God, I hope not.

[ knock at door ]

[ bell rings ]

Hey, Patrick.

What's going on?

Well, I was thinking.
For the reshoot,

I've decided to go
without a model.

I can just put the clothes
on a mannequin on the beach.

That's great.
I love the beach.

And I get along
really well with mannequins.

But why would you
wanna send two tapes?

Wait-- what do you
mean, "two tapes"?

Well, I already sent in
the other one.

What?
You sent in the tape?

I was screaming
the whole time.

It's supposed to showcase
my personality.

[ screaming ]
That is not my personality!

Uh, yeah, it is.

You idiot.
What have you done?
You've ruined me.

Really? Because
this morning the
producers e-mailed me

and they wanna
meet you.

- What?
- Yeah, they
said they love

your bigger-than-life
personality and the fact
that you tell it like it is.

So, in other words,

they think
I'm a loudmouthed jerk

who's gonna piss
everybody off and then
not care

about the emotional wreckage
I create?

This is great!
I'm gonna get so much
camera time.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

Now, get out of here.

I'm gonna call all my
friends and let it slip that

I'm on the show until
they're so jealous

they wanna take a lot
of pills, slip into
a hot bath,

then slit their wrists.

How was that?

- That's perfect.
- Thank you.

But seriously,
get out of here.

I gotta call all my
friends, let it slip
that I'm on the show

until they're all
so jealous they wanna
take a lot of pills,

slide into a hot bath,
and then slit their wrists.

You're gonna win
this thing.

Charlie.

- Have you read your e-mail?
- You mean the one
Sean sent to me?

With the video of that monkey
smelling his finger and then
falling out of that tree?

[ chuckles ]
Epic.

The one from the prison
marked "Urgent."

No. Bet it's not
nearly as funny.

Holy crap.
Tim's dead?

He fell off
of the roof of the
administration building.

This is so weird
and horrible.

I-- gotta be
a coincidence.

What's a
coincidence?

What did you do?

Nothing. I just
talked to Wayne
and then,

Wayne talked to
him and then...

Wayne may have
thrown him off
the roof.

Wayne?!

You had a serial killer
go talk to somebody?

He said they
were friends and...

he doesn't kill his
friends, he kills...
family members.

He kills ex-wives.
He'll kill just about
anybody,

but he will not
kill a friend.

Or maybe he does!
I don't know!

[ ringtone chimes ]

Hello?

Oh.

Yes, of course
we'll be there.

Thank you.

That was the guy
from the prison board.

He said they want
to talk to us.

Maybe they
just wanna tell us
how good we're doing.

- You think?
- Nah, we're screwed.

Get ready to make out
with everybody in that room.

- Did you find Wayne?
- No, no. He's in solitary
and nobody will tell me why.

Well, I know why.
Because you told him
to kill Tim.

I told him to
talkto Tim.

"Talk" probably means
"kill" in prison, Charlie.

I don't know if you know this,
but in here, "kissing a baby"

does not mean
"kissing a baby."

None of this
would've happened
if you had an ounce of restraint

instead of a fifth
of bourbon.

Oh, please.
Like you never got drunk
and made out with someone

you weren't supposed to.
That's like a Wednesday
for you.

Okay, okay.
This isn't helping.

Let's just...
be cool.

- Pretend like we don't
know whythis happened.
- Fine.

Good afternoon,
Mr. Goodson, Dr. Denby.

Do you know
why we called
you here?

Yes, and before we start,
I would like you to know

that--

that sheis the one
responsible for
everything.

[ mutters ]
Dick.

I'm sorry.

But heis the one
that made this happen.

You're both very generous,
but there's enough praise
to go around.

[ stammers ]
I'm-- I'm sorry. Praise?

Yes, based on
what we've seen, we feel
that your program

will be very successful
in helping prisoners
return to society.

Both:
Oh.

Well, in that case,
Jordan's right.
It was all me.

With your permission,

we'd like to take
the lead in pushing
your program statewide.

[ both stammer ]

- Absolutely. I mean sure.
- Go for it. Yes.

Uh, listen, there
is something else.

We want to talk to
you about one of your
patients... Tim Simon.

Yeah, yeah.
We heard that he
fell off the roof

of the administration
building.

Right. But there was
more to it.

Really?

Apparently he was
up there working
on the flagpole,

and...

was hit by lightning
and it blew him right
off the roof.

Oh.
Thank God.

I mean, oh,
why God, why?

That better not be
a gin and tonic.

It's not.
It's a seltzer water
and lime.

- Let me try it.
- No.

Let me try it.

Yuck.
Seltzer water
and lime.

How do you drink that?
I need some whiskey to get
the taste outta my mouth.

Thanks for your
support.

I do support you.

Which is why
I want you to
take a look at these.

What are those?

These are the mug shots
of all the prisoners

comin' through our office
in the next six months.

Oh, please.
Am I supposed to
tell you which ones

I'm not gonna be able
to control myself around?

You are such a jerk.
If you think this is
ever gonna happen again--

oh, my God.
His eyes...

That's what
I thought.