All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E52.Charlie.and.the.Hot.Latina.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

So the doc says
my blood pressure
is too high.

You've got to learn
to relax more, Ed.

[ chair humming ]

You should get yourself
a massage chair.

Nolan, didn't you
have a phone interview
for a job yesterday?

Mmm, how did that go?

Would you
turn that off?

It's like trying
to have a therapy session
in a Brookstone.

You know, we should
do that sometime.

I postponed it
till tomorrow.

Although I may
change it to Friday

or Monday-- or just
cancel it altogether

because I worry
that I...

come across as indecisive
over the phone.

You know what, guys?
Let's try some role-playing.

Lacey, why don't you
pretend that you're hiring

and, Nolan, you call her
on the phone

for a job interview?

Okay.
[ exhales ]

Hi, this is
Nolan Johnson

and I'm calling about
the assistant manager job.

Hold, please.

- Patrick.
- Yes, ma'am?

Could you push
my lunch?

You've pushed it twice already.
Don't make me do it again.

I don't like your attitude.
You're fired.

Good.
And just so you know,

every time you made me
run down the street to get
your skinny latte,

I put whole milk in it
and stirred it with my finger.

- [ gasps ]
- That's right.

Enjoy your
saddlebags, bitch.

And that's the story
of why I never suggested
role-playing again.

They did it again, Ed.

Those people down the hall
dumped all our wet laundry

on the floor
before I had a chance
to put it in the dryer.

I'll have to use
yours, Charlie.

Dad, we're in the middle
of something here.

Thanks to them, I don't
have any underpants on

and I can't tell you
how uncomfortable it is.

For everybody.
Can we go now?

You guys can.
I'm stuck here hanging
out with my dad,

who is also hanging out.

I've just about had it
with those damn Mexicans.

Are your neighbors
Mexican, Ed,

or is this
generic racism?

Yes.

No, this has nothing to do
with racism, Charlie.

I mean,
it could be any family

who plays
loud Spanish music

through their open windows
all night

after screaming at a televised
soccer game all day.

And on top of that,

your dad had to come
and pick me up

because they blocked
my car in with theirs.

You'd think if there was one
thing a Mexican is good at,

it's parking cars.

Guys, have you talked to them
and tried to work this out?

Obviously you didn't, Ed,
'cause they'd have taken you

to a public park and beaten
you like a cheap piñata.

Look, Charlie,
you do this sort

of conflict resolution
all the time.

Could you just please
come by tonight and talk
to these wretched people?

Dad, I don't want
to get involved.

If you'll come by
and help us out tonight,

we'll share something
special with you.

Yeah, we're bottling up
our first batch

of homemade
moonshine.

You guys are making
your own moonshine
in your apartment?

Yeah. Doctor said
I was drinking too much

and I need a hobby.

Well, looks like somebody has
certainly outsmarted somebody.

Hey.
Charlie around?

Charlie's not here.
Go away. I don't like you.

You know,
every single girl
starts like that,

but they all end up
sleeping with me.

And then they all
end up hating you again.

I'm just taking
the shortcut.

I'll wait.

Hey, what's another word
for multiple male orgasms?

Is this for a crossword?

No, I'm sending a thank-you
note to your mother.

So whatcha doing?

I'm about to transcribe
the interactions

of couples having intercourse
for our study.

Amateur porn, I love it.
Are you guys hiring?

No, and if you don't leave,
I am calling campus police.

They don't have guns,
but they are fat and slow.

What's wrong with you?
What, are you afraid

I'm gonna see you getting
turned on watching videos?

No, I hate
watching these.

I don't get aroused
by anything but being alone

in a bedroom with a man
that I love.

You know who
I feel bad for?

That guy.

That's it.
I am calling campus police.

You have exactly one hour
to get out of here.

Will you stop it?
Hang up the phone.

I'm just
being a dick.

Look, I'll watch the videos
and make the notes for you.

I am a grown woman.
I can do this.

- [ moaning ]
- See?

No problem.

Naked man,
naked woman.

Naked man bending over.
I'm tapping out.

Excuse me.

Before I get on
this elevator,

that's not a warning
saying that this thing
isn't safe, is it?

Oh, no.
But I'd take the stairs.

The safety certificate
in there

is a kids' menu
from Denny's.

Thank you.
I'm Charlie, by the way.

Oh, hi. Livi.

Pleased to meet you, Livi.
I'll take one of those.

I'd love to attend
your yard sale or help
you find your lost dog

or even be
your roommate.

You don't live here,
do you?

No, unless the roommate
thing pans out.

I'm trying to get
a petition together

to get these guys
kicked out.

"Evict the dicks
in 206."

It's catchy.

Thanks.

My family lives
down the hall from them.

The bald one
calls my gay cousins

the "refried queens."

These guys sound
like monsters.

You have beautiful eyes.

Oh, thank you.

I'd ask you to help me out
with the rest of these flyers,

but I guess you're here
to see somebody.

Not anymore.

You know a great place
to hang up some of
these flyers?

That little Italian place
on the corner.

Oh, that's a good idea.

I bet they get a lot
of traffic from this building.

Absolutely.

And if we wind up
having dinner,

splitting a bottle of wine,
getting drunk, and going
back to my place,

that's the risk
we must take to evict
these gringos.

[ theme music playing ]

Hey, thanks again
for helping me
put up the flyers.

Hey, it's for
a good cause.

Look, I have
a confession.

I knew that I didn't
have six more rolls

of Scotch Tape
at my house.

I've got
a confession, too.

I had a ton of extra
Scotch Tape in my car.

Listen, you know
how hard it is to get
someone evicted?

I mean,
can't you just ignore
these two old misfits?

Oh, please.
You don't know
what they're like.

I can kind of
picture it.

They make so much noise.

Like yelling
and screaming.

The one with the hair
is always going off

about having some
ungrateful son

who spends all his time
chasing women.

Sounds like the
ramblings of a madman.

And the bald one,
he is so angry and racist.

I guess he's seeing
a therapist,

but that guy
must suck.

Please. I'll bet
his therapist is great.

You know, sometimes
it's the patient who--

can't we just pity them
and act like they're dead?

I can't.
In my country, my family
owns a large house.

The taxes were too high,
so it was our dream

to come to America
and have a place
that we could rent.

You know, a small place
that we would not
call our own.

Wow.

If it was up to me,
I would open the border

to all of you beautiful
and confusing people.

I'm having an anger
problem I'd like to
discuss, Charlie.

Well, shoot, Wayne.

Well, as you know,
I'm my cell block's
distributor

of fine handcrafted
prison wines

and spirits
since 2004.

Of course.
In fact, I'm still
saving a bottle

of your '07
toilet tank chardonnay
for a special occasion.

Well, as it turns out,
someone from the Latin Lords

is making a competing wine
that some people are reviewing

as lighter, crisper,

and less toilety.

The Latin Lords
are making wine now?

Huh. I guess they gave up
on their jockstrap tequila.

That's too bad,
'cause I heard really
good things.

Yeah, especially
because the Aryans

made a truce
with the Latin Lords

by giving them my wine
as a gift.

But now that they can
make their own,

our fragile peace
is in jeopardy.

Wait a minute.
So exchanging gifts
stopped a race war?

Yeah, we gave 'em
our toilet wine

and they gave us
baklava made of Cheetos
and tobacco.

- Opa.
- Opa.

That's exactly
what I should do.

What are you talking
about, Charlie?

Well, I've been dating
this woman whose family
hates my father.

So I'm thinking if I can
get them together to exchange
peace offerings,

she won't hate me
when she finds out
that I'm his son.

Ooh, it's just like
when I played Maria

in our prison production
of "West Side Story."

I also played
Officer Krupke

and dead Puerto Rican
number four.

I'm sorry I missed that.

Oh, yeah, I got a Tony.
He lives in the bunk beneath me.

And when he leaves,
I'm gonna get myself an Oscar.

[ phone rings ]

- [ voices moaning ]
- Go for Sean.

Sean, it's Jordan.

Hey. What's up?

Where are your notes
on the sex tapes?

I'm almost done.

Had to watch that hipster
couple, like, four times.

I couldn't tell if
they were having real
orgasms or ironic ones.

Well, it's almost
midnight

and I still have to correlate
those notes with the EEG
readings by tomorrow.

[ sighs ]
Listen, why don't
I just e-mail you

the stuff
that I'm done with

and then instead of typing up
the rest of it,

I can just read it to you
over the phone?

- Okay, go ahead.
- All right.

This is couple #223.

- [ keyboard clicking ]
- Go on.

At two minutes,
37 seconds in,

he gently
turns her over

and starts caressing
the back of her neck.

Okay.

Now he is kissing her
along the curve of her back

and down towards her...

Go on.

Yeah.

Really?

Okay.

Go on.

And she arches her back
toward him.

Are you okay?
You're breathing
kind of funny.

I'm fine.
You know, it's just--

keep going
for the study.

Now what's he's doing?

Are you sure
you want to know?

Tell me.

He is whispering
into her ear,

"I want you."

And she likes it.

Oh, yeah, she does.

Charlie, do you have
any dietary restrictions?

Oh, just nothing with
beans, cheese, or rice.

- Oh.
- I'm joking.

I love your food.
I find it Mexcellent.

Yes, well, we're
from El Salvador.

Well, in that case,
may I say that your daughter

is El Salvadorable?

That's very funny.

I've only heard that
like a Brazilliontimes.

Anyway, I want to thank you
for having me over tonight.

Well, you said
it was important.

It is. It is.

Livi tells me that you
have some friction with
a couple of neighbors

and I think
I have the solution.

Why him?
Who the hell is this guy?

No, no, no,
Charlie's very good
at conflict resolution.

- Oh.
- He's a therapist.

- A doctor?
- Well, actually, I'm--

Oh, we always dreamed
that Livi would come to
America and meet a doctor.

Oh, a doctor,
a small rental apartment.

Well, we pretty much
made it.

Well, as a doctor
in good standing,

it is my opinion you should
invite them over and exchange
a peace offering.

A peace offering?
What, are we gangs in prison?

No, I was thinking more
like pilgrims and Indians.

Except without
all the VD and the genocide.

Well, I'll tell you what.

When they're ready
to apologize,

I'll consider
a peace offering.

What if I said that
they already did apologize?

- They did?
- Yes, I took the liberty
of talking to them

and they said that
they were so ashamed
of their behavior

that they were sorry.

[ chuckles ]
Liberty.

Now there's
a fickle bitch.

You come to America,
get your dream apartment,

and you end up
living down the hall

from the two old grumpy
dudes from the Muppets.

What kind
of peace offering
are you thinking of?

I don't know.
What if you brought some
of your delicious food?

- Okay.
- And they brought some of
their homemade moonshine,

and before you know it,
you'll be getting along
like rice and be--

--lieve me you'll
be glad you did it.

Moonshine?

They're making
moonshine over there?

Not only is it awesome,
but a single jug

will power your car
all the way to Vegas.

Making moonshine
is illegal.

We'll get them busted
and get them out of here.

- Thank you, Dr. Charlie.
- Wait, wait, hang on.

Now my father
loves you.

Well, good,
'cause I'm gonna
need a new one.

Why, is he sick?

He will be.

- Hey, guys.
- Oh, perfect timing.

Here.

Have one of these.

This is a fresh batch
right out of this--

whatever this is.

Well, it's not
eating through the glass,
so that's a good sign.

Yes, 'cause we
just installed

this brand-new
purification system.

Here's mud in your eye.

- Oh, wow.
- [ exhales ]

[ gags ]

My mouth tastes
like a nail salon.

Yeah, we're gonna make
a fortune off of this.

Hear, hear.

This is actually
the reason why I came
to talk to you guys.

The family that
you're fighting with,

they know about
the moonshine.

How'd they find out
about that?

Me?
Why would I tell them?

- What?
- What?

Look, the point is,
you've got six angry
people living there

that want to throw you
both out on your asses.

Ah, you hear that, Ed?
They got six people
living over there.

The lease says they're
only allowed to have four.

So now we can kick them
out on their asses.

I see
your mouth moving,

but I hear
"The Star-Spangled Banner."

So the only way
to solve this

is for all of us
to sit down and hash it out.

All right, fine.

You gonna give up
that sneezily?

Guys, the only way
that I can broker
this peace deal

is that they do not know
that I'm your son.

You're my son?

I don't want them thinking
that I'm on your side

- even though
I'm on your side.
- Mm-hmm.

Also, for reasons way
too complicated to explain,

I need you to call me
Dr. Goodson.

Dr. Goodson.

Nice to meet you,
Dr. Goodson.

Here are your DVDs.

Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Very good work.

You know, for someone
who claims to not like
dirty talk,

you sure seem
to like it a lot.

Only question
I have is did you like it
all the way a lot?

Get out.

Don't deny it.
This is a big day for you.

I bet that was
the first one
you ever had.

Get a life.

I think we should
get a cake.

A Bundt cake
shaped like a big O.

You want to know
what really happened?

I had an asthma attack.

That's why I was
breathing heavy.

Then I had a series of sneezes
that built in intensity.

That makes sense.

You know, Charlie has
cameras hidden all over
this office, right?

What?!

That's all
I needed to know.

But look, if I'm going to
mediate these peace talks,

you cannot let them know
that I'm dating your daughter.

I don't want them thinking
that I'm on your side

even though
I'm on your side.

Yeah, well,
that's a good idea.

Nice place.
But you'd better watch out.

I've heard the one with hair
talks about taking stuff

out of his
own son's house.

Like what?
His son's shower radio?

I appreciate
you helping,

but I'll give you
my official thank you
tonight.

And I'll give you
my official "you're welcome"
immediately after.

Or before, your call.

[ knocking on door ]

Dr. Goodson.
It's good to see
you again.

Dr. Goodson.

It's good to see
you, too, Mr. Landry.

Come on in.

Well, since I've never
been here before,

I must say you have
a swell place, Doctor.

Thank you, Mr. Good--

Year.

- Goodyear?
- Yes, that's right.

- Like the tire company?
- That's it.

My family owns
that tire company.

Really? And you live
in that apartment?

They must have
disowned you,

which I totally
understand.

Hey, you're in
my seat.

What are you talking about?
I got here first.

There's no assigned
seating.

Everyone can sit
anywhere they want.

Fine. I'll sit
in the Lacey chair.

Lacy?
Actually, it's more
like a suede chair.

Now, look, I know that
we all have our differences,

but tonight we are here
to communicate.

And only in English.

You're a disgusting man.

So are you.

- I will kill you.
I will kill you.
- All right, all right!

That's enough.
That's enough.

That's enough.
That's enough.

Look, if we all cannot
resolve this, you're gonna
wind up homeless.

You'd throw your own father
out on the street?

Your father?

Where?

Let's go.

Hey, hang on
a second.

Why didn't I
see this before?

Hey, come.

They're--

they're like
the same guy.

No, the other one
is a lot fatter.

It's the other one.

The other one.

Oh, yeah!
I see it now.

Yeah.

I can't believe
you lied to me.

This man
is your father?

Hey, no one is more upset
about that than me.

I will not allow you
to date the son of a man

who dries his underwear
on the Ping-Pong table
in the community room.

For your
information, señor,

it is a multipurpose
table.

And I am tired of being
insulted, Charlie.

Make your pick.
Me or your girlfriend?

That's easy.
I choose her.

You choose me?

What kind of man will turn
his back on his own blood?

What? He's a thief
and a hillbilly moonshiner.

Madre de Dios.

How could you say that
about your own father?

Because I know him.

This explains
everything.

You have been
so disrespected
by your own child

that you take it out
on your neighbors.

- Mmm.
- Like the production
of a fine automobile,

this is something
that could never happen
in El Salvador.

You know what?

You should all listen
to me, I'm a doctor.

Pshh-hh,
he's no doctor.

Give me back
my shower radio.

Ed, Martin,
please know

that if your own family
does not love you

and respect you,
we will.

You will always have
a home with us.

I think I like
my Mexican family

more than I like
my white family.

Brilliant plan.

You created a third enemy
and that's what united them.

I never want
to see you again.

That's good.
That's good,
stay in character.

We are done, Charlie.
You lied about everything.

You're not even
a doctor.

Keep it going.

I'll call you later.