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1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,569
Thanks for inviting
me to your Super Bowl
party, Charlie.
2
00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:07,094
I haven't been to one
of these since...
3
00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:09,487
last year
around this time.
4
00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:13,013
I remember having
this conversation
about a year ago.
5
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:16,059
And I'm thinking
we're gonna have it
again in...
6
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,539
about a year.
7
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:20,281
I hope so.
8
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:22,239
Come on, 35!
9
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,198
- No!
- Go! Go! Go!
10
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,677
- No! No! No!
- Come on! Come on!
11
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:29,464
- No!
- All right! Yeah!
12
00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:32,206
See, I told you
the new Camry got
over 35 miles a gallon.
13
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,425
Pay up, Lacey.
14
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:37,646
Charlie, do we really
have to pay up on bets
about commercials?
15
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:40,736
Yes. This is a great time
to learn how to lose
without getting angry.
16
00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:43,956
- Ugh.
- So don't get angry,
but give me my 20 bucks.
17
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,700
Hey, everybody.
18
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,877
This is my friend
Molly from Iowa.
19
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:54,793
Molly, this is my anger
management group.
20
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:57,579
- Hi.
- Yes, I win!
21
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,582
What?
What'd you bet?
22
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:04,586
I don't know.
I lost track.
23
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:06,196
- I'm gonna go get us
something to drink.
- Okay.
24
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:11,549
- Hi, Molly.
I'm Charlie.
- Hi, Charlie.
25
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:14,074
Hi. There's pizza and beer
and don't be surprised
26
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:17,381
if you say
something and everyone
exchanges money.
27
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,861
Oh, is that an LA thing?
28
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:20,776
No, it's a crazy
person thing.
29
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,605
Are you being
nice, Charlie?
30
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,694
It's Molly's
first time in LA.
31
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:26,782
Yeah, and it's
really cool.
32
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,392
There are famous
people everywhere.
33
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,873
We saw Jay-Z waiting
at baggage claim.
34
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,096
Oh, and we saw Chris Kattan
working at a Radio Shack.
35
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:42,232
Hey, Charlie.
You got any beer?
36
00:01:42,276 --> 00:01:44,713
Ed, there's a bucket full
right in front of you.
37
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:48,151
That's all Mexican beer.
You know what their water
is like down there.
38
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,675
I'd rather drink beer
39
00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:54,244
made from the Shamu
tank at Sea World.
40
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:57,291
Shamu beer
coming right up.
Excuse me.
41
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,512
Hi, I'm Sean.
42
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:04,863
I'm not from here, either.
43
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:06,300
I'm from next door.
44
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,911
Hello, Sean
from next door.
45
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,652
Just so you know,
46
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,524
I am crazy mysterious.
47
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,613
Well, what makes
you mysterious?
48
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,835
[ chuckles ]
49
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:25,710
Dude, Molly, pfft.
Wow.
50
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,756
I know. I know.
She's got that whole
51
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,541
farm-fresh Iowa
thing going on.
52
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:33,196
Not that we're betting
on it or anything,
53
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,676
but would you guys
let us know
54
00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:36,982
which one of you sleeps
with that girl first?
55
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:39,159
That's not gonna happen.
56
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,638
Come on,
she's Patrick's friend.
57
00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,336
Yeah, but could you
let us know?
58
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,599
We got 20 bucks on it.
59
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:48,124
That's appalling
and degrading to
everyone involved.
60
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,779
And obviously
it would be me.
61
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,782
Listen, little man,
62
00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:55,653
when I turn on the charm,
63
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,786
this contest is over
in, like, two seconds.
64
00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:00,745
First, "little man,"
that's not cool.
65
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,968
And second, Molly was
giving me the vibe.
66
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:10,102
I think you're confusing
the vibe with the pity.
67
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:14,281
Well, I have a 50-year-old
bottle of single malt
that says otherwise.
68
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:16,413
You're on.
69
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:18,241
I think
Charlie's got this.
70
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:21,723
I don't know.
Little man's got spunk.
71
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,553
I can hear you.
I'm right here.
72
00:03:26,597 --> 00:03:28,817
[ theme music playing ]
73
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,299
All right,
the bet is
74
00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:35,998
can Patrick make Ed cry
in 20 seconds?
75
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:38,740
On your marks,
get set, go!
76
00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:41,786
♪ Oh, Danny boy
77
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:46,791
♪ The pipes, the pipes
are calling ♪
78
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:49,664
♪ From glen to glen
79
00:03:49,707 --> 00:03:56,279
♪ And down
the mountainside ♪
80
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,673
♪ The summer's gone
81
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:03,852
♪ And all
the roses falling ♪
82
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:07,812
♪ 'Tis you, 'tis you
83
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:11,903
♪ Must go
and I must bide. ♪
84
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:15,211
[ whispers ]
By 2043,
85
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,214
whites will be
the minority.
86
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,782
[ sobbing ]
87
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:23,088
Damn you.
88
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,917
That gets me every time.
89
00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:33,273
Patrick, you have
a beautiful voice.
90
00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:35,840
I know.
Can you believe it?
91
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,103
Were you trained?
92
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,802
No, my mother
just withheld food
and affection
93
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,891
till I hit
all the right notes.
94
00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:45,763
Well, I agreed
to participate
95
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,809
in the Alcoholics
Anonymous talent show.
96
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,811
And you want me to come.
Is there a two-drink minimum?
97
00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:52,944
[ laughs ]
I kid, of course.
98
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:55,207
I want you
to sing with me.
99
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,818
You don't have to do much,
just back me up.
100
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,950
I don't know.
101
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:01,779
Please, Patrick.
I don't want to be
up there alone.
102
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:04,782
This will be my first
sober performance in--
103
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:08,786
well, I've been performing
drunk since I was 12.
104
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,919
I appreciate
you asking me,
105
00:05:10,962 --> 00:05:13,704
but I don't know
about performing.
106
00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:16,316
I have a very fragile
ego and-- okay.
107
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,798
So, Molly.
How long you
in town for?
108
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,800
Yeah, how long?
109
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:26,151
Through Tuesday.
Through Tuesday.
110
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:28,066
Patrick's letting me
stay at his place,
111
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,286
but I promised
I wouldn't drag him around
to all the touristy things.
112
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,723
Hey, you can drag
me around.
113
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:34,986
Charlie, I just got
a text from the neighbors.
114
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:36,684
Your dad just passed out
on the front lawn.
115
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,729
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sure they're mistaken.
116
00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,427
It happens all the time.
117
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:43,255
There are parts
of my lawn that look
just like an old man.
118
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,170
Wow.
119
00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:47,347
Can you believe he's
not gonna check and make
sure his dad's okay?
120
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,044
What does that say
about this guy?
121
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:51,046
Damn you.
122
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,528
So what are you
doing tomorrow?
123
00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:56,834
Actually,
I was lucky enough
to score two tickets
124
00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,880
to the Taste of the Congo
at Griffith Park.
125
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:00,882
I've been dying
to go to that.
126
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,537
I love the Congo.
127
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:04,929
Do you want
to go with me?
128
00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:07,932
Yes, I'd love to.
129
00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:09,934
False alarm.
Not my dad.
130
00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,936
Just a pile of leaves.
Told you.
131
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:14,286
Guess what Molly
and I are doing tomorrow.
132
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,985
Going to Taste
of the Congo.
133
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:19,030
Mm-hmm.
He loves the Congo.
134
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,510
Oh, I know.
I know.
135
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:22,730
Sean, tell me something
about the Congo.
136
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,558
Anything.
137
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:27,561
I can sum it up
in one word-- delicious.
138
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,390
We are gonna have
so much fun tomorrow.
139
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,827
- Aren't we, Molly?
- Yeah, I wish you could
go, too, Charlie.
140
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,394
But I only have
two tickets.
141
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,005
We're really
gonna miss you.
142
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:44,099
Looks like this bet's over
before it even started.
143
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:46,928
Oh, it is far
from over.
144
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,800
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my dad really is passed out
on the front lawn.
145
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:57,286
How lucky are we
that you were driving
by Taste of the Congo
146
00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:59,288
right when we realized
we had a flat tire?
147
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,422
I know.
What a coincidence.
148
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:04,902
I was in the neighborhood
visiting a buddy who has
a gambling problem.
149
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:08,123
He makes bets he has
no chance of winning.
150
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,734
Boy, how about that tire, huh?
What are the chances
151
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:13,868
that I'd run over four nails
all at the same time?
152
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:17,480
It's almost as if
someone hammered them in.
153
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,830
Maybe you should
pay closer attention
to the road.
154
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:22,703
You know, you don't have
to text prostitutes back
right away.
155
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:25,401
They'll wait.
156
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,750
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
157
00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:29,144
He can't afford
prostitutes.
158
00:07:30,885 --> 00:07:33,453
So, how was the food?
159
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,324
Oh, I'm a vegetarian.
160
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,326
But this guy
went a little crazy.
161
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,807
Can't believe how much
gazelle stew he put away.
162
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:42,984
Seriously, you're driving
like my grandmother.
163
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,507
Could you hurry up
a little bit?
164
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:47,945
You're sweating back there.
What's the matter?
165
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:50,905
Someone taste a little
too much of the Congo?
166
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:54,517
Cast-iron stomach,
167
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,737
Charlie, okay?
168
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,913
Seriously, though,
could you turn on the AC
169
00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:01,176
or crack a window
or something?
170
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:03,744
I heard gazelle moves
through you as fast as,
171
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:06,790
well, you know,
a gazelle.
172
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,793
Look, could you pull over
if you see a restroom?
173
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:12,187
Why?
174
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,624
I'd like to wash
my hands, okay?
175
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:16,974
Oh, yeah, they must
be covered in grease
176
00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:18,846
from the dung beetle
poppers.
177
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:20,935
That's it.
178
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:23,807
That was a gas station.
That was a gas station.
179
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,374
Oh, oh, oh.
180
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,898
I'd pull over,
but I saw it too late.
181
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,901
And I'd turn around,
but I'm going that way.
182
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,947
[ exhales ]
Pull over.
183
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:35,384
- Pull over.
- What?
184
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,952
- Could you
pull over, please?
- Fine.
185
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,001
Oh, I feel
really bad for him.
186
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:46,656
I think he ate some
of that exotic stuff
just to show off.
187
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:50,442
Well, he's very insecure
and somewhat sickly.
188
00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,314
It's kind of sad.
189
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,577
But enough about him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
190
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:56,710
Um, what do you
have in mind?
191
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:58,363
There's a cool little spot
I'd like to take you to.
192
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:01,323
It's where all the movie stars
had their great love affairs.
193
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,020
Oh, my God.
That sounds amazing.
194
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,936
Well, great. Great.
But don't tell Sean.
195
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,721
He'll be sick
for a few days
196
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:10,027
and he'll have a tantrum
if he feels like he's
missing something.
197
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:13,248
You do not want to see
this guy pull his wig off.
198
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:16,904
That's so nice of you.
You're such a good friend.
199
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,167
Well, thanks.
200
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,952
Ooh, okay.
[ laughs ]
201
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:25,913
Sorry.
I am ready to go.
202
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,089
Nope, nope, nope,
nope, nope.
203
00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:32,310
I'm thinking we could
do a duet from "Wicked."
204
00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:34,704
Or maybe Gershwin.
Do you like Gershwin?
205
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:39,100
I was thinking we could
do an original Denby.
206
00:09:39,143 --> 00:09:41,450
Oh, you wrote a song.
207
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:42,712
Straight from the heart.
208
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:45,062
Those are always
the best ones.
209
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:50,067
Oh, and now you're
putting on a guitar.
210
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,026
So I guess
I'm gonna hear it.
211
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:55,507
It's called
"Jose Mi Amor."
212
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:58,467
- Oh, so it's sort
of a Spanish--
- [ strums ]
213
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,948
♪ I've had Jose
in my bed ♪
214
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:05,126
♪ I've had Jose
in my car ♪
215
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:10,392
♪ I've had Jose
in the woods ♪
216
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:15,919
♪ And underneath
the stars ♪
217
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:18,879
♪ I've had Jose
in my mouth ♪
218
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:21,664
♪ Jose on my face
219
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,666
♪ Woke up with Jose
220
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:27,670
♪ All over the place
221
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:31,152
♪ Jose Cuervo...
222
00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:32,719
Oh, thank God.
223
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:37,071
♪ Jose Cuervo
224
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:40,814
♪ I drank too much
225
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:45,993
♪ Jose Cuervo.
226
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,429
So what do you think?
227
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:50,214
What should we do?
228
00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:52,956
Look, Patrick, I know
that it's a little intense,
229
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,784
but if you were an alcoholic,
you would understand.
230
00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,177
Jordan, if I have
to hear that again,
231
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,919
I'm gonna become
an alcoholic.
232
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,660
I need you onstage.
Are you in or you out?
233
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,185
- I'm in.
- Thanks.
234
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,883
- Okay, let's give it a try.
- Great.
235
00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:10,104
Where are you going?
236
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:12,846
I just want to hear
what it sounds like from--
237
00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:18,721
Oh, God, I love
old Hollywood stories.
238
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,897
Oh, yeah?
Well, that table
239
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,117
is where Richard Burton
proposed to Liz Taylor
for the first time.
240
00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:26,424
And that table
was the second time.
241
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,557
This table was the third.
242
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,125
God, they had
so much passion.
243
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:33,214
Do you know once they stayed
here for an entire week
244
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:34,781
in bungalow five
and never left the room?
245
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:37,218
I'd love to see
the inside of that room.
246
00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:38,349
How funny.
247
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,743
I happen to have
the key right here.
248
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:43,180
I thought we could go there
for some dessert and champagne
249
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:44,573
and sit on the patio.
250
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,706
- Sounds like fun.
- Excellent.
251
00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:51,188
Hey, guys.
252
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:54,365
- Sean.
- What are you doing
in this cheesy dump?
253
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:56,367
[ laughs ]
The only people
who come here
254
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:59,762
are old people that
want a Cobb salad
before they die.
255
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,330
Then what are you
doing here?
256
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:04,506
Picking up a Cobb salad
for my great-aunt Jane.
257
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,726
- She's on life support.
- [ phone dings ]
258
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:09,076
Oh, text message.
259
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:11,078
Uh-oh.
260
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,167
Guess I'm free
for the day.
261
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,778
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
262
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,780
Thank you.
263
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,129
Why don't you
spend the day with us?
264
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:20,740
We can get out of here
and see the city.
265
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,219
It'll take your mind
off your aunt.
266
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:24,961
That would probably
be really good for me.
267
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:26,571
I mean,
I don't want to--
268
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:28,922
is that okay
with you, Charlie?
I don't want to impose.
269
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,141
Of course it's okay.
Come here.
270
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:34,275
- Give me a hug.
- Okay. All right.
271
00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:37,060
How did you find me?
272
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,280
I left my iPhone
in the back seat of
your truck last night
273
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:41,325
and I tracked it
with Find My iPhone.
274
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,371
10 bucks,
the valet let me
in your car.
275
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,244
- That's really smart.
- Thank you.
276
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:52,293
You guys are
very close, aren't you?
277
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:55,383
We are. I mean,
I don't know what I would
do without this guy.
278
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:57,298
I know what
I would have done.
279
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,955
I'm so nervous.
And it doesn't help
280
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:04,522
that Walter Lordsly
is right in the front row.
281
00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:05,872
Walter Lordsly?
282
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,700
The most important producer
on Broadway is here?
283
00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,485
- Yeah, he's an alcoholic.
- What?
284
00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,662
The guy who produced
"Leaving Las Vegas
the Musical" is an alc--
285
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:16,534
of course
he's an alcoholic.
286
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:20,016
Coming up next,
Jordan D. will sing
an original song.
287
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,191
Jordan D.,
come on up.
288
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:23,541
[ applause ]
289
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:31,506
I'm Jordan D.
and I'm an alcoholic.
290
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:34,683
All:
Hi, Jordan.
291
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,859
And this is my friend
who will be singing
backup with me.
292
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,730
Hi, I'm Patrick.
293
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:42,256
And I am a chocoholic.
294
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:43,518
[ laughs ]
295
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,565
Take it away, Jordan.
296
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:48,871
[ strums ]
297
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,352
♪ I've had Jose
in my bed ♪
298
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,963
♪ Jose in my bed
299
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:56,879
♪ I've had Jose
in the car ♪
300
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,881
♪ Jose in my car
301
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:02,580
♪ Beep, beep, beep,
beep, ooh ♪
302
00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:11,198
♪ I've had Jose
in the woods ♪
303
00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:14,941
- ♪ In the woods
- ♪ And underneath
304
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:19,423
- ♪ The stars
- ♪ Stars
305
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:23,253
[ holds note ]
306
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:37,877
♪ I've had Jose
in my mouth ♪
307
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:42,664
♪ I've had Jose
in my mouth... ♪
308
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:48,539
♪ Jose on
my face... ♪
309
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:53,501
♪ I've had Jose
on my face... ♪
310
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,416
♪ Dripping down
my white skin ♪
311
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,548
♪ Dripping off my chin
312
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:03,815
♪ I've had Jose
313
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:06,427
♪ Jose
314
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:07,950
♪ Jose
315
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,170
♪ Jose
316
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:13,956
♪ Oh...
317
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,613
Uh, thank you.
318
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:22,008
You can please visit
Patricksings4U.com.
319
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:24,532
It'll be up online
tomorrow.
320
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:27,361
- Hey.
- [ microphone squeals ]
321
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:32,453
Oh, what
an unbelievable day.
322
00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:34,846
Santa Monica Pier,
the tar pits,
323
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,239
the wax museum,
324
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,676
then back to the tar pits
because I forgot my purse.
325
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,506
Putting our hands
in every single
326
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:45,161
celebrity handprint
at the Chinese Theatre.
327
00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:47,207
I should probably
get going.
328
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,904
You want to come back to
my place and have a drink?
329
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,472
Or you could
have a drink here.
You're already here.
330
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:53,474
Seems like it would
be silly to leave.
331
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:56,085
I think I'm feeling a little
bit tired from the day.
332
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:59,523
But tomorrow
we can walk down Rodeo Drive
and go window-shopping.
333
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:00,742
Or would you hate that?
334
00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:03,049
Are you kidding?
I love it.
335
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:05,921
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I do it all the time.
336
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,054
You guys are the best.
337
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,969
I'm gonna go use
the restroom.
338
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,282
This is torture.
339
00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:20,892
Okay, I'm a little
ashamed to say this.
340
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:22,459
I'm starting to think
there are some things
341
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:25,027
that I just will not
do for sex.
342
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,768
I wasted this much
time and energy
343
00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:29,727
not getting laid
since summer camp.
344
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:32,339
What do you say?
We call this bet off, yeah?
345
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,994
No, no, no.
I've got my eye on
a little summer dress
346
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,648
at the American Girl store.
Yes, we should call off
this bet!
347
00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:39,041
Deal.
348
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,609
[ sighs ]
Deal.
349
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,306
Hey.
350
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,700
Am I interrupting
something?
351
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:48,224
- No, no, no.
Everything's fine.
- All good.
352
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:51,749
Listen, I know
I said I was tired,
353
00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:53,795
but I think I'm just
a little bit nervous
354
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:56,145
because I have a feeling
I know what's going on here.
355
00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,714
I mean, you're both
interested, right?
356
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:04,675
I'm interested.
So let's do this.
357
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,723
Do... what?
358
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:12,074
I like you both and I feel
like I have to choose,
359
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:13,989
but I really
don't want to.
360
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,384
So let's go have some fun,
the three of us.
361
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:31,789
Did Miss Congeniality
just invite us upstairs
to double-team her?
362
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,972
I think so.
363
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,761
I'll tell you what.
Apparently, Iowa's got
a lot more going on
364
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:49,024
than just corn.
365
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,989
So are we going to...
366
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:00,688
do this?
367
00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,864
You mean the London Bridge?
368
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,779
The push me, pull you?
369
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,259
The two hot dogs on a bun?
370
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:10,828
That's not really
making it any better.
371
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:13,135
Well, of course
we're not going to do this.
372
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,181
So I'm just gonna go up there
and tell her to go home.
373
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,834
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
374
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:19,489
Listen,
I'll do it, okay?
375
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,622
No, no, no, no.
This is my home.
376
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,102
I should be the one
that goes and tells her.
377
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:25,104
Wait.
378
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:30,587
We never shook hands
when we called off
the bet, did we?
379
00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,807
- No.
- Are you kidding me?
380
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,860
Hey, you.
381
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:44,732
Why are you
locking Sean out?
382
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:47,865
Oh, it's just a little
role-playing game
we like to play.
383
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:49,606
Sean: Don't do it, Molly!
384
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,218
I have sex with our partner
and then when I'm finished,
385
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:53,871
he comes in
as the angry husband
386
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:55,656
and acts like
he just lost a bet.
387
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,745
[ pounding ]
388
00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,399
Open the door!
389
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,749
And that's our cue
to start having sex.
390
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,838
[ pounding ]
391
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,710
I hate you!
392
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:09,409
[ pounding stops ]
393
00:19:09,452 --> 00:19:10,714
See?
394
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:12,803
Now he goes away
all dejected.
395
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:15,154
The man is
a master at this.
396
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,028
So you've done
this enough times
397
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,899
that you actually
have a routine?
398
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,771
Yes, we have.
399
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,686
Mmm, Charlie, no, no.
400
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,514
You don't have
to kiss me.
401
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:30,604
Wow, want to get
right down to business.
You got it.
402
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,694
No, no.
403
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:37,480
I think the person
you really want to kiss
404
00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:39,961
is Sean.
405
00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,746
[ laughing ]
406
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:45,053
Sean.
407
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:48,056
Oh, you're serious.
408
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:50,972
I saw the way you
hugged him when you
found out his aunt died.
409
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:53,844
And I saw you guys
almost holding hands
downstairs earlier.
410
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,630
And I've never seen
two guys more excited
about going window-shopping.
411
00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,807
I am not gay.
412
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:03,245
And even if I was,
Sean would be way
too old for me.
413
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:06,814
It just seems to me
414
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:09,556
that you would do anything
to be together.
415
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,949
I'm telling you,
this is just your
imagination.
416
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:14,778
[ panting ]
417
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:17,955
Molly, do not sleep
with him.
418
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:19,827
I get it,
he's yours.
419
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:25,441
All right, so does
anyone have anything else
they'd like to discuss?
420
00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:28,183
That friend of yours
go back to Iowa?
421
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,054
I was wondering
if she got sick
422
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:33,493
like all those
other people did
at the Taste of the Congo.
423
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,712
Yeah, there was
so much E. coli there,
424
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:39,499
the E. coli people should
have had their own booth.
425
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:42,589
No, Molly is fine.
She went back this morning.
426
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:44,895
She had a really nice time.
She met a couple guys she liked.
427
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:47,811
Really? Did she mention
if she liked one more
than the other?
428
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,726
No, she didn't say.
All I know is
429
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,599
that both of them
turned out to be gay.
430
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:55,036
You know,
she might be wrong.
431
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:58,474
Sometimes a guy can be so
comfortable in his masculinity
432
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,781
that he just appears
to be gay.
433
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:01,999
You might be right.
434
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:04,524
Molly always thinks
everyone's gay.
435
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,917
I know, right?
I mean, hmm, interesting.
436
00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:12,358
She has the worst
gaydar of anyone I know.
437
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:17,406
So did you and Sean
have sex?
32200
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