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1
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:06,006
Oh, I agree.
The top is the best part.
2
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,964
I don't even know why
they make the rest
of the muffin.
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,140
'Cause of this.
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,016
You need something
to hold the donut.
5
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,887
Okay, I'm gonna make
a professional assessment.
6
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:22,065
Eating, depression,
not getting laid.
7
00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:25,851
- It's been three months.
- Three months?
8
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,071
I didn't know it was
possible to go that long.
9
00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:30,769
You're like some kind
of a sex camel.
10
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:33,555
Well, without the humps.
11
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:38,081
Can't you meet
any girls at work?
12
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,041
It's impossible to meet women
when you're in real estate.
13
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:43,043
You know who comes
to open houses?
14
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,348
Couples.
15
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,350
You know who doesn't
come to open houses?
16
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,397
Drunk women
with low self-esteem
who can't find their cars.
17
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:53,836
That question would be
who are my favorite people.
18
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,187
We still going out
tonight or what?
19
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:59,276
Yes, and Michael
is coming with us.
20
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,930
We got to get
this guy laid.
21
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:04,151
You think I havethat kind of money on me?
22
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,936
Oh, come on.
He's gone three months
without sex.
23
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,330
[ sighs ]Okay, you're not gonnabail on me, though, right?
24
00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:12,072
- Dude, why would I bail?
- [ phone chimes ]
25
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:16,119
Sorry, I got to bail.
26
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:19,296
Come on.
I don't want to hang out
with this guy by myself.
27
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:22,343
He's eating
muffin sandwiches.
Look at him.
28
00:01:22,386 --> 00:01:24,997
That's not fair.
I'm in pain.
29
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,044
Look, I am sorry,
but I've been trying
30
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,959
to hang out with
this girl for months.
31
00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,569
She's only in town
for one night.
32
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,745
What, is she
a flight attendant?
33
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,312
A drifter?
34
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:38,141
Uh, she's an Oakland
Raiders cheerleader.
35
00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:40,274
So a little of both.
36
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,800
- Hey, guys.
- You're late again.
37
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:47,107
You guys are on time again.
Should have learned by now.
38
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,936
Charlie, Ed's picking on me.Make him stop.
39
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,417
This genius
went to the DMV
40
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,898
to file
for unemployment.
41
00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:58,335
They're both
government agencies.
42
00:01:58,379 --> 00:01:59,989
They're different things.
43
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:02,905
One is driving,
the other is money.
44
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:05,168
Well, shoes and makeup are
two different things, too,
45
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,909
but I can get them both
at Saks.
46
00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,086
Why can't everything
be like Saks?
47
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,914
I'm happy there.
48
00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:14,482
I'm in the group,
but the group is not in me.
49
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:18,094
I'm in the group,
but the group is not in me.
50
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,184
Patrick, when I said to come
up with a relaxing mantra,
51
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:24,796
I didn't mean to create one
that insulted everyone
simultaneously.
52
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,755
Oh.
53
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:29,236
Then maybe you need
to be more clear.
54
00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,805
Anyway, Lacey,
what happened after you
55
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,981
assumed the government
was a department store?
56
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,854
I went down there
to get my unemployment
57
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:41,683
and the DMV bitch said
they only do car stuff.
58
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:44,642
And I said,
"Well, I can't afford
to drive my car
59
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:47,602
unless I get
my unemployment,
DMV bitch."
60
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:50,300
Okay, I only have
one question.
61
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:52,346
Who hit who first?
62
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,217
They're still
looking at the tapes.
63
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,088
But you and I have
to be in court at 5:00.
64
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:58,743
You have to tell them
that I'm working on my anger.
65
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,832
I can't go to court today.
Can't I just write
them a note?
66
00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:03,226
I already wrote one,
but you misspelled your name,
67
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,837
so they wouldn't accept it.
68
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:10,233
Charlie, how could you
forget how to spell
your own name?
69
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,670
Son, I've known
Cambodians
70
00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:14,585
with shrapnel
in their heads
71
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:17,240
who made more sense
when they talked.
72
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:18,546
I get it, Ed.
73
00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:22,245
You've travelled
and I haven't.
74
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,029
I'm in the group,
but the group is not in me.
75
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,858
- I am in--
- Stop it!
76
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,426
All right, I'll go to court.I don't want you to go to jail.
77
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:31,733
What?
You didn't tell me
you could go to jail.
78
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,430
Charlie, you have to
get her out of this.
79
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,998
We have a cake tasting
on Monday for our
fake marriage.
80
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:40,089
The reception, however,
is going to be very real.
81
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:42,352
This is great.
Maybe if you go with me,
82
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:43,832
I can get put
under house arrest.
83
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,268
Okay, fine.
But we've got to
make it fast.
84
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,617
I've got to pick up
someone from the airport.
85
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,271
Who is it, some girl
you're trying to bang
86
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,621
before she becomes
too annoying to bang?
87
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:53,189
Lacey, what kind
of gentleman would I be
88
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,409
if I answered
yes to that?
89
00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:57,280
So...
90
00:03:57,324 --> 00:04:00,065
anybody else got
something to talk about?
91
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:02,242
[ theme music playing ]
92
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,248
Why are we starting?Shouldn't we be waiting
93
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:09,901
a couple of minutes
until my therapist gets here?
94
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:12,904
I like to clear my docket
as soon as possible.
95
00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:15,429
Don't worry.
He won't miss any of the fun.
96
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:18,867
Based on your record,
you're facing two weeks
in jail.
97
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:20,521
Two weeks?!
98
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,958
I can't go that long
without waxing.
99
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,307
That's what
you're crying about?
100
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:27,092
If you had seen my mom
in a bikini in the '80s,
101
00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:29,399
you'd be crying, too.
102
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,662
Can't you just put me
under house arrest?
103
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:34,056
What, and sentence you
to a party at your house?
104
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,450
- Forget it.
- I wasn't talking
about my house.
105
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:39,844
I was talking about...
my therapist's house.
106
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:43,370
If I went there,
it would be like a giant
therapy session,
107
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,415
which is like
punishment.
108
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,809
And he agreed to this?
109
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,289
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
110
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:51,247
We talked about it a lot.
111
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,815
He was like,
"Let's do this."
112
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,599
And I was like,
"Are you sure?"
113
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,385
And he was like,
"Yeah, totally."
114
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:02,911
Wow, you got in early.
115
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:06,001
Yeah, just wait for me
at baggage and I'll be
on my way.
116
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,655
Oh, don't worry
about that.
117
00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:09,178
I got a full box of those
in the drawer.
118
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,441
All right, see you soon.
119
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,837
I'm sorry.
That was a patient.
120
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,709
She needs
contact lens solution.
121
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,148
All right, let's do this.
122
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:26,238
Mr. Goodson, thank you
for coming in.
123
00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,066
Before I decide
on Lacey's case,
124
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,112
I would like to hear
your take on how she's doing.
125
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,419
Oh, yeah,
she's doing great.
126
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,422
She pulled a weave
off a DMV worker.
127
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:39,382
Yes. Yes.
But before that
and since then,
128
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,297
she's been doing great.
129
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,473
Well, I've determined
that Lacey needs
130
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:45,693
to have some consequences
for her actions.
131
00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:48,304
I understand you two
discussed house arrest
and you're on board with that?
132
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,220
Absolutely.
133
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:52,917
You understand
it's for two weeks?
134
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:55,006
Perfect. Two months
would be fine.
135
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,574
Because he cares.
136
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,882
Okay, then.
137
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,623
Just sign here.
138
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,799
You know, I must say,
it's wonderful to see
139
00:06:04,842 --> 00:06:07,628
a therapist making
a sacrifice like this
for his patient.
140
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:10,587
Oh, it's okay.
It was on the way
to the airport.
141
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:16,506
So, you two
are roommates?
142
00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:20,597
Cool.
143
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,599
- Very cool.
- Okay, I'm gonna take this.
144
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:27,996
[ clears throat ]
What do you ladies
like to do for fun?
145
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,432
Oh, I love hot yoga.
146
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,086
Yesterday they had
the room so hot,
147
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:32,957
everybody was down
to their underwear.
148
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:35,525
Every part of my body
felt completely open.
149
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:38,093
How much is this class?
150
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:40,051
It's $20.
151
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,445
- And how much to watch?
- Okay. Okay.
152
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,754
What do you like
to do for fun?
153
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,843
I collect stamps.
154
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,888
Like hot stamps?
155
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:54,501
No, they have to bekept at room temperatureto preserve their value.
156
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:56,198
I learned that
the hard way.
157
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,200
[ laughs ]
158
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:00,463
I'm gonna go use
the little girls' room.
159
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:01,986
- Oh, I'll go with you.
- Okay.
160
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,075
Don't you guys
go anywhere, okay?
161
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:06,643
And don't you do that thing
that girls always do
162
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:09,037
where you say you're
going to the bathroom
and actually leave.
163
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,821
[ laughs ]
164
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:13,041
Don't-- don't do that.
165
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,134
Good luck
with the stamp
collector, buddy.
166
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,614
Hey, if she says
anything interesting,
167
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,485
you can mail it
to me tomorrow.
168
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:25,923
Just so you know,
I'll be taking the hot
yoga chick, okay?
169
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,969
No, I'll be taking
the hot yoga chick.
170
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,753
Oh, really?
And why would you get
the hot yoga chick?
171
00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:33,104
Because we have certain
obvious things in common.
172
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,716
I can't believe
you're calling racial dibs.
173
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,066
- Yup, that's what I'm doing.
- That's very unfair.
174
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:40,068
Let me tell you
about unfair.
175
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,026
How about 400 years
of oppression
176
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:44,812
that we are still
feeling the effects of
to this day?
177
00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,770
- [ sighs ]
- Huh?
178
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,686
What's a brother got to do
to get another cranberry
flirtini over here?
179
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,342
So wait a minute.
180
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,562
So you don't have
any luggage?
181
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:58,913
No, I left it all
in the Panda Express
Express.
182
00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:00,915
There were so many
different kinds of chicken,
183
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,612
I lost track
of my bags.
184
00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:07,312
Well, the good news is
I have an extra toothbrush...
185
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,314
- Ooh.
- ...a hairbrush.
186
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,316
And you won't be
needing those clothes.
187
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,883
[ laughs ]
188
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,537
[ knocking ]
189
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,321
Damn.
190
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,410
If that's your clothes,
I'm gonna be really
disappointed.
191
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:25,592
Hi, Charlie.
I'm here.
192
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:29,291
What the hell is going on?I thought you wereunder house arrest.
193
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:31,772
I am under house arrest.
At your house.
194
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:34,601
Wasn't that clear?
Oh, hey, girl.
195
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,995
I hope that ho can cook,
'cause I'm starving.
196
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,614
Does this ankle braceletmake my calves look fat?
197
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:50,355
- Was this your idea?
- I did what I had to do.
198
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,923
They were gonna strip me down,
put me in an orange jumpsuit,
199
00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:55,404
and feed me to the lesbians.
200
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,972
Charlie, what's going on?
201
00:08:58,015 --> 00:08:59,974
I'm sorry.
This is one of
my patients, Lacey.
202
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,193
And apparently
she's moving in.
203
00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:05,675
I'm super confused.
First all the different
kinds of chicken,
204
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:09,026
and now this?
It's just been
a crazy day.
205
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:12,073
Not exactly a rocket
surgeon, is she?
206
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:13,683
Scientist.
207
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:16,207
She's a scientist?
No way.
208
00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:20,081
Hey, I'm a scientist
on getting a crowd
on their feet
209
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:21,996
and into a game.
What are you?
210
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:26,217
Have you seen this?
I don't have to be anything.
211
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:29,351
You know what?
I'm gonna call a cab
and get a hotel.
212
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,874
This has just been
too weird.
213
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,137
No, no, no, no.
Kiana, please, wait.
214
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:34,965
You better open the door
for her, Charlie.
215
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,793
She's gonna walk
right into it.
216
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,667
- [ door slams ]
- Ah.
217
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,800
How glad are you
that that bitch is gone?
218
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:46,629
Lacey, it took me five
months to get her here.
219
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,805
You got rid of her
in five minutes.
220
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:51,678
I am that good.
221
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:54,028
That girl
was really annoying.
222
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,160
It's like she didn't
even want me around.
223
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:58,772
So let's just
forget about her.
224
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:02,514
I'll go get a bottle of wineand we can decide whetheror not I should get bangs.
225
00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:04,081
No, no.
226
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:05,996
You are going to stay
in your room for two weeks
227
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,433
and think about
how your anger has
screwed up your life
228
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,653
and mine and how it's never
going to happen again.
229
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,786
Nah, I'll go get the wine.
230
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,442
This is weird.
231
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,444
I feel like
I'm 16 again,
you know?
232
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,796
Me and my wingman
hooking up with roommates
at their apartment.
233
00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:26,582
At 16 you hooked up
with girls who had
their own apartment?
234
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,889
- [ laughs ]
- I hate you.
235
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,369
Why?
What happened?
236
00:10:31,413 --> 00:10:34,590
You didn't have a good time
with your smoking hot
237
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,287
black yoga chick
238
00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:39,769
who's the same
black color as you,
black guy?
239
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,250
We didn't even have sex.
240
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:45,035
That's what you get
for calling racial dibs,
my friend.
241
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,863
You know what?
Never again.
242
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:49,692
According to her,
every single problem I have
243
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,694
can be cured by yoga.
244
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:53,653
I can tell you
what can't be cured by yoga.
245
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,002
Blue balls.
246
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:59,006
- [ laughing ]
- [ TV playing ]
247
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:03,750
Who the heck is this?
248
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:06,013
- Excuse me.
- Shh. Shh.
249
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:08,450
- Who the hell are you?
- This is funny part.
250
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:11,148
- [ boing on TV ]
- [ laughs ]
251
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:14,717
Did you see that?
There was a bee
in his cupcake.
252
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,719
He's scared.
253
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:19,156
You know, I did have
a few beers last night.
254
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,203
- Did I order you?
- No, you not Lacey.
255
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,639
Oh, there's another bee.
256
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,033
- [ boing on TV ]
- [ laughs ]
257
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,690
[ music playing ]
258
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,608
[ music stops ]
259
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,088
What the hell is going on?
260
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:41,048
Good morning, sleepyhead.
I hope you're hungry.
261
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:44,529
I'm making sangria in here,
poaching eggs in this one.
262
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:46,401
But don't eat that.
It's wax.
263
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,924
Quan's gonna hook me up.
264
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:50,753
You don't need a treasure
trail to find the treasure.
265
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,712
Yeah, everybody already
knows where that is.
266
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,759
Lacey, this is
not cool at all.
267
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:59,936
Why such a grumpy face?
268
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:03,505
Because I'm supposed
to be on round one of awesome
morning sex with Kiana.
269
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,202
Instead, I've got
a nail salon
270
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:08,597
and an East Indian
disco breakfast joint.
271
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,643
I bet sangria and eggs
would make it all better.
272
00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:13,384
- Yes?
- No.
273
00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,778
Okay, then dance
with the Indian girl.
274
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:18,389
[ music playing ]
275
00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:27,224
[ music stops ]
276
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,661
Put your pants on.
The party's over.
277
00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,228
Oh, my God.
278
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:33,796
I've heard that
a million times,
I've just never said it.
279
00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,887
Why are you so mad?
280
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:41,195
I'm just trying to show
you a little gratitude for
letting me stay here.
281
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,850
Excuse me for being a ray
of freaking sunshine
in the morning.
282
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,809
Patrick, what the hell
are you doing here?
283
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,943
Don't look at my feet.
Don't look at my feet.
Don't look at my feet.
284
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:52,336
Quan usually comesto our place on Tuesdays.
285
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:55,296
- Look, there's another bee.
- [ all laughing ]
286
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,562
- [ TV turns off ]
- All: Aw.
287
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:04,261
And I'm not
letting you stay here.
288
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:06,829
I'm stuck with you because
of that ankle bracelet.
289
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,832
My only option now
is to push you 31 feet
away from my house
290
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,269
and let the cops
take you down during
your escape attempt.
291
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,358
Could you guys keep it down?
292
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:17,318
You're bringing a lot of
negative energy into the spa.
293
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:21,757
Okay, why don't you
go to work
294
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,194
and when you come back,
we'll chill
295
00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,718
and watch a movie?
Oh, and pick up some wine
296
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:28,808
because I dumped
all your good stuff
in the sangria.
297
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,461
No. No.
298
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,594
I think we should
separate for a little bit.
299
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:35,292
I'm going out tonight
and hopefully not coming
back till tomorrow.
300
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:38,774
Oh, okay, so banging
another bimbo is gonna
make everything all right?
301
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,384
You better pray
that it does.
302
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:41,777
And they're not
all bimbos.
303
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,823
[ laughs ]
304
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,651
Sorry, I have a very
ticklish middle toe.
305
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,653
Also, what you said
is ridiculous.
306
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,701
Here we go.
307
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:55,138
So where were we?
Human trafficking?
308
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:57,793
Oh, I'm sorry.
I keep going on and on.
309
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,403
It's just that
I'm very passionate.
310
00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:02,754
Oh, I'm very passionate
about stopping it, too.
311
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,627
Are you just agreeing
with everything I'm saying
312
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:06,802
so you can get me
into bed?
313
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,412
No.
314
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:10,153
See?
315
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:13,548
I don't know.
Look, I think that
you are very cute
316
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:14,766
and I wouldn't mind
going home with you,
317
00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,247
but I think you might
be full of it.
318
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,554
I mean, what have you
actually done to make
a difference?
319
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,991
What have I done?
I'll tell you what I've done.
320
00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:26,474
I rescued a young woman
who's living in my house
right now.
321
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:29,520
You did?
322
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,871
She's a sweet, kind,
innocent young lady.
323
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:35,048
She's doing some
housekeeping for me while
I put her through school.
324
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,702
You know, maybe you
haven't done enough
to make a difference.
325
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:40,401
I think I should
maybe leave.
326
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,925
No, no. Wait.
327
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,710
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
328
00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:48,409
I misjudged you.
329
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:49,932
Ah, it's okay.
330
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,847
Why don't we continue this
back at your place?
331
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,720
Actually,
I was thinking we could
go back to your place
332
00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,157
so I can meet her.
333
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,073
I don't know.
My place is a mess.
334
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,639
She's a terrible
housekeeper.
335
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:04,251
I can't bring myself
to criticize her.
336
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,645
Come on, Charlie.
337
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:10,257
Afterwards, we can
go back to my place.
338
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,562
[ sighs ]
339
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:13,956
Okay.
340
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,002
I'm really excited
to meet her.
341
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,829
But just know
it'll only be for a minute.
342
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:20,180
She needs to be in bed
by 10:00 so she can have
a solid eight hours
343
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:22,356
of horrific nightmares.
344
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:31,713
Woman on TV:
Twist. Really feel it
in the waistline.
345
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:34,629
What a tragedy.
He said he had
vanilla fro-yo
346
00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:36,457
and when you wentto get it, he was all out?
347
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,285
Are you gonna be okay?
348
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:41,070
- Lacey, please,
I need to talk to you.
- [ TV turns off ]
349
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:44,204
Okay, take an Ambien.
I've got to go.
350
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,380
Hey.
351
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:49,209
What are you doing back?
Are you finally ready
to hang out with me?
352
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,601
Yes.
353
00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:52,212
Cool.
What do you want to do?
354
00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:55,084
There is a gorgeous
girl outside.
355
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,738
And the only way
she'll sleep with me
356
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,392
is if you say
you're a sex slave.
357
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:01,612
What the fro-yo?
358
00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:05,225
I told her that you were
a victim of human trafficking
359
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:06,878
and that I rescued you.
360
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,576
So all you got to do
is just say good night
361
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,491
in broken English
and go upstairs.
362
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,362
You said you wanted to show
me your gratitude, right?
363
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,495
Okay, fine, I'll do it.
364
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,932
Thank you.
365
00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:20,892
Jamie, come on in.
366
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,853
Jamie, this is Lacey.
367
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:27,508
Lacey, this is Jamie.
368
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:31,991
I wanted you to meet
before you went to bed
369
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:35,385
in the nice soft bed
that you never had
in that cage.
370
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:40,260
It is such a pleasure
to meet you.
371
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:44,090
[ with accent ]
Thanking you for meet me.
372
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:49,399
I had long, hard life.
373
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,748
I tell you story.
374
00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:53,621
No, no, no, no.
375
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,058
No, no, no, no.
No story.
376
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,321
You're very tired.
Night-night.
377
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:02,151
No. I awake.
378
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,806
I took big nap.
379
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,549
Lacey, there is nothing
more important tonight
380
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,464
than me hearing your story.
381
00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:13,032
I could think
of something.
382
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:20,126
Oh, hey there.
383
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:22,780
Got ourselves another
Obama-Biden alert.
384
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:24,565
All right,
let's do this.
385
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:26,480
No, hold on.
386
00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:29,961
Remember, no matter
what happens,
387
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:32,268
you are not allowed
to call racial dibs.
388
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:33,661
Absolutely.
389
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,097
I'm confident
that I can get the girl
390
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,534
based on the merits
of who I really am.
391
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:39,797
Don't forget, tonight
I'm a record producer.
392
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:44,193
Hi, ladies.
I'm Sean.
393
00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:46,369
- This is my friend Michael.
- Ladies.
394
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:49,938
He's a record producer.
395
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:53,028
Hi, I'm Janet
and this is my best
friend Janelle.
396
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,464
[ high, nasally voice ]
Hi, boys.
397
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:56,466
Why don't you sit down
and join us?
398
00:17:57,859 --> 00:17:59,948
Racial dibs.
399
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:01,906
You said
we couldn't do that.
400
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,299
No, I said
you couldn't do that.
401
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,607
And when I 10,
402
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:09,305
I work in
furniture factory.
403
00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:11,090
I make sofa.
404
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,309
And when it hot day,
405
00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,442
we share glass of water.
406
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,140
Okay, Lacey.
407
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,229
It's been two hours.
I think we've covered it all.
408
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,101
The important thing
is I rescued you,
I'm your hero.
409
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:23,580
Period, the end.
Time for bed.
410
00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:26,888
Mr. Charlie give me
beautiful bed.
411
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,846
Oh, he is a good man,
isn't he?
412
00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:31,022
I am.
I really am.
413
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:35,897
Sometime he tuck me in
and hug me.
414
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,204
Isn't that sweet?
415
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:40,597
Yes, I know, it is.Come on, sweetie.Come on.
416
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:43,470
Sometime he get
on top of me
417
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:47,343
and give me hug
we not talk about.
418
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,128
[ crying ]
419
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,825
If I say no,
420
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:53,393
he no give me
food next day.
421
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,351
You are taking advantage
of this girl?
422
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:58,224
Okay, Jamie,
here's the truth.
423
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,096
Lacey is not a sex slave.
424
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,491
She's my patient
and I'm her therapist.
425
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:07,058
And she's not allowed
to leave my house.
426
00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:10,236
- Okay, that didn't sound
much better either, did it?
- Wow.
427
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:11,976
Okay, all right.
You know what?
428
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,022
I don't know what
kind of role-playing,
429
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,764
S&M therapy you guys
have going on,
430
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:18,069
but you know what?
I'm out of here.
431
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:21,029
No, no, no, Jamie.
Wait, wait, wait.
432
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:23,162
Wow.
433
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:27,209
I can't believeyou want to date a girl
434
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:30,081
who would sit throughtwo hours of that crap.
435
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,040
Why the hell
did you do that?
436
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:34,912
Okay, calm down.
Breathe. Use your tools.
437
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:38,089
Oh, I'm gonna use
my tools to bury your
body in my backyard.
438
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:41,571
You can't just keep bringinghome these ridiculous women
439
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,182
who aren't right for you.
440
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,749
I've always done that.
Why does it suddenly
matter now?
441
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:49,013
Because I'm living with youand you haven't even hit on me!
442
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:52,060
What the fro-yo?!
443
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,848
Lacey, I can't
hit on you.
444
00:19:57,892 --> 00:20:00,111
I'm your therapist.
That would be so wrong.
445
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,635
But that didn't stop
my old boss,
446
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:04,072
my gynecologist,
or my second cousin.
447
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,770
What if I wasn't
your patient?
448
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,337
It doesn't matter.
449
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,470
Look, we both know
you have issues because
of your father.
450
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:12,298
And apparently
your old boss,
451
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,778
gynecologist,
and second cousin.
452
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:18,086
But you've got
to stop trying to make
every man want you.
453
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,306
I don't want
every man to want me.
454
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:22,525
I want you to want me.
455
00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:23,961
Why?
456
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,007
Because you want
everybody else.
457
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,139
I've seen
the girls you date.
458
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:30,011
Am I not as hot as them?
459
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:32,143
Am I stupider than them?
460
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:35,146
Are you sure you've seen
the girls I date?
461
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,149
Lacey, you're great.
462
00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,760
But you need to learn
to get your self-esteem
463
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:41,718
from something
other than men.
464
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,416
But if I wasn't
your patient
465
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,810
and I was
actually a good person,
would you want me?
466
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,334
Nope.
467
00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:50,205
What if I had
bigger boobs?
468
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,424
Nope.
469
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:54,253
What if we were stranded
on a ship at sea
470
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,906
with nothing to eat
471
00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:58,126
and I was a delicious
piece of fruit?
472
00:20:58,169 --> 00:20:59,997
Nope.
473
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:01,956
Wait, wait, wait, no.
I'd need you
474
00:21:01,999 --> 00:21:05,351
so I wouldn't get scurvy,
but I wouldn't want you.
475
00:21:05,394 --> 00:21:09,050
If I was that chick
who just left
476
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:12,358
that you wanted,
would you want me?
477
00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:14,882
Yes, I guess I would.
478
00:21:14,925 --> 00:21:17,058
Aha! I knew
you wanted me.
479
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,103
[ laughs ]
480
00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:22,411
God, I'm your patient,
you perv.
481
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:24,892
God.
36250
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