All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E39.Charlie.and.the.Hooker.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

I expect Charlie
to be late because
of his nervous breakdown

that we're all
pretending is a phase.

Where's Patrick?

I'm watering
his plants for him.

He said he was going to
San Francisco for the weekend.

Sacramento,
not San Francisco.

Oh, he'll get there eventually.
They always do.

Buenos días, mis amigos.

I am back from Baja.

My sidekick.

His name is Also Charlie.

We have had
many adventures.

He is muy cansado.

And now
he must go to sleep.

Bedroom's upstairs.

Buenas noches,
Also Charlie.

All right, Angry Birds.
Let's get this thing going.

Here's your mail.

It's been stacking up
since you've been away.

I was only gone a day.

I mean,
mentally went away.

Oh, yeah.
It has been a while.

Oh, hey,
look at this.

The court is assigning
a new patient to our group.

What?
I don't like change.

I need time
to mentally
prepare myself.

Don't worry. It says here
he's not coming till next week.

[ doorbell rings ]

Oh, crap.
It is next week.

I'll tell you what,
I'll walk slowly to
the door so you can prepare.

Thanks, man.

I had to park my damn
Escalade in the sun.

Plant a tree, bitch.

I prefer Charlie.

But you're new,
so you didn't know.

Everybody,
this is Ray James II.

Don't you mean
Ray James, Jr.?

People only say "the second"
if they're royalty.

And I think
the only king

this guy's been close to
is the burger variety.

No, you ignorant
hillbilly.

It is Ray James II.

Junior is the name
of some dumbass redneck

who's going to be poor
his whole life.

So move your feet, Junior,
because I am a king

and I'm about to hold court
on your backwoods ass.

Excellent.

So, Ray,
it says here that you

own the Prestige
Escort Service.

"We're so classy,
it's stupid."

Oh, my God.
He's a pimp.

Ooh. And what kind of
curry-flavored delight
do we have here?

You are spectacular.

Hi. I'm Lacey.

So yet another rule
I didn't think I'd ever have
to put on the books.

No turning out hoes
in group.

She's not a hooker,
she gives it away.

Thank you, Ed-- wait.

So, Ray, it says here
you had some difficulties
with your financial advisor.

Right. Which I resolved
with a sternly written letter.

I don't see
what's wrong with that.

Yeah, probably the part
where you made him eat it
while you, quote,

"beat him silly
with the flagpole
from an elementary school."

Yow.

I do not feel good
about that.

I should never have
disrespected the flag.

I remember
elementary school.

That's it.

I'm just happy
when I remember some stuff.

Well, the bitch-ass
had it coming.

He cooked the books
like Betty Crocker

and took every penny.

But don't worry
about your bill,
I will make it right.

[ phone chiming ]

Excuse me.

I've got to take this.

Fine, I'llleave.

Good afternoon.
You've got Prestige.

We're so classy,
it's stupid.

I don't like that guy.

Who wants to vote him out?

Charlie:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We do not judge people.

Everybody who comes here
for help is welcome.

Here's another reason
why we don't vote--

who wants Ed out?

Does that mean
I get to go get a beer?

No... but if you're going
to the kitchen, I'll take one.

[ theme music playing ]

Dude, I don't know
what's going on with
me and women,

but I wish
I could bottle it

'cause I swear,
I just can't miss.

And yet here
you stand... alone.

That's because
I haven't tried yet.

Watch.
Watch this.

You see that?
You see what I'm doing?

No, I don't.

I got a whole new smolder.

Yeah, I don't see
anything different.

That's 'cause
you're a dude.

That girl saw it.
Ahem.

Just going to
reel this one in.

- Hey.
- What's up?

This is going to sound weird,
but are you Charlie Goodson?

The baseball player?

I used to be a baseball player,
but now I'm a therapist.

You want to
get out of here?

Sure.
We should really
work on your shyness.

I'm sorry...
[ chuckles ]

What-- what just
happened here?

Wait, if you and I leave,

then this guy
has no way to get home.

So... let's go.

Okay, that is the first time
anybody's ever done that.

At least in that sequence.

Oh, yeah.
We totally
discovered that.

We're like the
Lewis and Clark of sex.

We're like
Admiral Byrd.

Yeah, except
with a much more fun
race to the pole.

Exactly.

I like how I say things
and you say things back.
When can I see you again?

Yeah, about that.

There's something
you need to know about me.

You're married?

'Cause I got to be
honest with you.

At this point in my life,
I don't see wedding rings,

I just see people.

Not even close.

You know Ray James?

The first
or the second?

I work for him.

Please tell me
it's the first.

I'm pretty sure his dad
was a plumber.

He had a session
with you,

so in exchange,

you got a session
with me.

You're an escort.

So you didn't really
recognize me from baseball.

I did recognize you
from a sports blooper
on YouTube.

Look, I was just
supposed to hit on you
and close the deal.

Ray didn't
want you to say no.

Are you upset?

You know what?

At this point in my life,

I don't see escorts,
I just see people.

Great 'cause I'd like
to see you again.

All you got to do
is call me.

I mean, you know,

call my pimp.

So what do you say
we head over to the
Merry Peasant tonight?

I make a great wingman.

I don't really
need a wingman.

I know,
but I do.

My solo game
looks more like

lurking and loitering.

One girl said
I look menacing.

What do you do?
You just stand in the shadows
staring at them?

Kind of.

I thought it made me look
like a mysterious loner.

Have you ever--
in your entire life--

ever heard the phrase
"mysterious loner"

used to describe
someone that

wasn't a serial killer
or an assassin?

What are you guys
doing here?

Neither one of us
has a hoop at our house,
so we're using yours.

So why are you
eating my cereal?

Neither one of us
had any cereal at our house,
so we're using yours.

I got to go.

- Hi, guys.
- You know, neither of us
have girls at our house--

No.

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is Sean from
the bar last night
and my friend Michael.

- I was actually there
last night, too.
- You were?

Yeah, I was sort of
lurking in the shadows.

Yeah?
You should stop that.

Okay, so tomorrow night?
Basketball game?

Is that a euphemism?

No.

Hockey game.
That's a euphemism.

I say we go to
the hockey game first.

Bye, sweetie.
Give Ray a call,
set it up.

You got it.

Who's Ray?

Her pimp.
Is there any cereal left?

You're sleeping
with a hooker?

Her pimp is in my group,

so he's paying
for my services
with her services.

Cool.
Well, most of
this is gone,

but there's some granola
over there in the pantry.

And I knew there was a reason
why she chose you over me.

Are we focus on the wrong thing
here?

you're sleeping with a hooker.

Ok ok. First of all she is not
a hooker. she is an escort.

It's not like that. she is
really nice girl.

doesn't matter how nice she is.
she is still a hooker

Hey, hey.

Just 'cause she works
in the sex industry

doesn't mean
that she wouldn't be
a good girlfriend.

Would you date a hooker?

I was a hooker.

And I was damn good at it,

but I still deserve
to be loved.

You were a hooker?

Damn it!
Why is everyone
so much cooler than me?

Listen, pal.

How often do you
run across a girl

that you actually
want to hang out with, right?

Now if she's one of them,
I say you go for it.

You're right.
I do want to date her,
so what the hell?

But I'm not paying
every time I see her.

The only way to keep
dating her is if her pimp
stays in my group.

So what's the problem
with that?

Well, it turns out
Lacey the testicle sniper,

Ed the racist,
and Nolan the pothead stalker

aren't comfortable with
having Ray the pimp around.

Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming in early.

Now look,
I know you'd like me

to kick Ray
out of the group,

but I'd like you
to give him another chance.

He makes me extremely
uncomfortable.

And usually
I'm only very
uncomfortable.

Well, sure, but don't
think of him as a pimp.

Think of him as a guy

who looks like
a young Captain Crunch...

with a ship
full of prostitutes.

But he's a jackass.

I don't care
if he's a pimp.

Hell, my granddad
was a pimp.

He ran the Hump and Pump
outside of Baton Rouge.

Is that a gas station
with prostitutes?

Yes, ma'am.

Look, just because he's new
and looks a little different

and threatened
to bitch-slap Nolan
for making eye contact,

you guys want
to throw him out?

- I'm very disappointed.
- God, why do you care so much?

That guy
is such a jerk.

He's not even
paying you.

He is paying me.

With--

what is that feeling you get
when you help someone?

I think-- I think
it begins with a S.

Shame?

Is it shame?

No, but whatever it is,
that's what I'm getting
out of this.

[ doorbell rings ]

Look, I know he made
a bad first impression,

but I'm sure this time,
he'll be on his best behavior.

[ growling ]

These two Nazi dogs
will make sure of it.

Sorry, I brought the dogs.
They ate something bad.

I didn't want them
to go dookie in my house.

That's very
considerate of you.

It's not a problem.
Now about the animals--

do not look directly
at the dogs,

don't make any sudden
movements near me

or around me which may
startle the dogs.

Other than that,
let's have a great session.

Any reason we can't
just tie them up outside?

Joggers.

All right, well,
then let's get started.

Ray:
Oh, I just remembered.

These dogs
are trained to kill.

There is a trigger word
which you may never use.

Are you going to
tell us what it is?

I forgot.

However, I do remember
it's got two syllables.

So we safe

if just use

short words?

Sure.

I no like
make waves...

but bad man
wreck thing.

Hey, Chuck,
we had 'nough.

We be here first.

He go.

You know you can say goes.

This suck.

Sucks.

That's it.

We leave,
no come backs.

Guys,
this is ridiculous.

- The dogs won't attack.
- Ah, that's the word.
"Attack."

That's the code word?

I forgot we changed it.
It used to be cranberries,

but there was an incident
last Thanksgiving.

Come on,
you know the rules.

Every time one
of the ballplayers
adjust themselves,

- we take a drink.
- Charlie, I've had
three beers in 15 minutes.

I have never seen guys
pull at their crotch so much.

All right, I admit,
I kind of cheated.

I checked the weather
in Cincinnati, I knew
it was going to be humid.

Listen, I wanted to
talk to you about Ray.

- What about him?
- I'm going to have to
kick him out of my group.

The problem is
once he's out,

you and I are going to have
to stop seeing each other.

Damn, this sucks.

I've been thinking
a lot about your job,

which is why I wanted
you to meet Brett.

- Brett, this is Sasha.
- Hey.

You both worked
in the same field.

You're kidding.
You worked in a slaughterhouse

killing cows
with an electric bolt gun?

No, no, no, no.

She works in the private
entertainment industry.

- Charlie!
- It's okay, hon.
I used to be a madam.

No offense,
but how did you
end up here?

Well, I did pretty good
for a couple years,

then I bought
an ostrich farm.

I thought it was going
to be the new steak.

It's not.

Tell her what you think
she should do with her pimp.

Lose him.
You're the one
doing all the work,

he's making all the money
until a younger, prettier
girl comes in

and he kicks you out
and there you are,

walking the streets.

Yeah, I know.

I always think
about that.

Well, then just do it.
Lose the guy.

Just like that?

Yes. There's a million
other things you could do.

Then you can date
whoever you want.

I mean, I might have to
start charging you,

but we'll talk
about that later.

Okay.

Okay, what?

I'm going to do it.

That's awesome.

Let's get a table,

order a couple
of ostrich steaks,

send them back because
they suck, and then go
home and celebrate.

I would love to,
but I'm going to go.

I got to do it now
before I lose my nerve.

I'll call you later?
And not Ray, you.

Hey, uh, you've got
your affairs in order,
right, Charlie?

Like, you know,
funeral arrangements,
headstone, plot of land.

Why?

'Cause this pimp's
going to kill you.

What are you
talking about?

It just occurred to me.

Every time a girl
would leave the life,

it always had something to do
with the last guy she was with.

Oh.

Well, let's keep
our fingers crossed
that the girl that I like

had sex with somebody
after me.

[ knocks on door ]

Oh, crap.

Hey, Ray,
what's up?

Let me in.
I got to talk to you.

About what?

Something
I'm angry about.

Yeah, I don't really
do that anymore.

I just deal
with phobias now.

I'm afraid I'm going
to kill someone.

That's a phobia,
right?

Well, technically, no.

What's in the bag, Ray?

All my guns.

So a bag of guns,
you say.

All right, good to see you.
Thanks for stopping by.

Come on, man!

You're my therapist.

You're the only guy I trust
to hold these for me.

Give me the guns, Ray.

She's gone, man.

The bitch is gone.

Sorry to hear that.

Give me the guns, Ray.

You don't even know
who I'm talking about.

You're right, I don't,
but as a therapist, I know
that when a bitch is gone,

it's a good time
to breathe

and hand over
your bag of guns.

It's Sasha, man.

Did she say anything
to you about leaving?

Only after every time
we had sex.

She'd say,
"Good-bye, I'm leaving."

That's the only leaving
I ever heard about.

She quit, Charlie.
My biggest earner.

It's going to cost me
tens of thousands of dollars.

Okay, look, I know
that's got to hurt,

but maybe it was just time
for her to leave the life.

"Leave the life"?

She took three of
my other girls and moved
across the country somewhere

to start her own
damn escort service.

The bitch did what?!

Yeah. Right?

She just up
and she left.

- So... no good-bye?
- Nope.

Not even a thanks
for all the good times,
the best sex I ever had?

Nope-- what?

I never had sex
with Sasha.

You know, Charlie,
you're a good therapist.

It's like you can feel
what I'm feeling right now.

Oh, I can feel it.

Would you be offended
if I wanted to sit
on your couch

for a couple of hours
and just get drunk?

Would you be offended
if I joined you?

Hell, no.

Want to shoot some guns
in the backyard?

Sure, but only
if we're drunk.

And never in anger.

I found some gay cookies,
some gay pretzels,

some gay soda pop,

and some Lorna Doones.

The gay on that one's
implied.

Okay, since we're
boycotting Charlie,

I guess I'll just
be the therapist.

Why do you always
get to be the therapist?

Because I've made
the most progress
with my anger!

God, what a stupid question.

Ed, last week
we were talking about

how your dog died
when you were a child.

I would diagnose
your anger problems

as having to do with
all kinds of childhood things,

and also feelings.

Okay, now it's my turn
to be a therapist.

Nolan, is there something
you want to share
with the group?

No, I don't think
I can talk about that.

It's okay.
This is a safe place.

All right,
sometimes I talk to myself.

Is that what
you want me to say?

No, that's what
you needed to hear.

Boy, you need
an awful lot of help.

[ knocks on door ]

I thought I might
find you guys here.

We don't need you.

We're having our own session
with awesome food

and heart-wrenching
breakthroughs

and nothing barking
and slobbering at us.

If you don't count Ed.

Well, don't worry.
The dogs won't be
coming back.

I found Ray
a new therapist

and I dropped the hooker.

That's how important
you guys are to me.
I dropped the hooker.

The one I never
told you about.

So forget about that.

We don't need you
anymore, Charlie.

We've found that
we can help each other.

All right,
everyone who believes that,
stay here.

Everyone else,
follow me back to my place.