All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E38.Charlie.and.the.Sex.Addict.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

Hey, everybody.
Sorry I'm late.

Won't happen
again.

All right,
let's begin today

by talking about
the lies we've told.

Remember when I told you
I wouldn't be late again?

I was lying.

What happened
to your hand?

I'm not sure.

I either punched a wall
or a guy with a wall for a face.

Either way,
when I buy you a drink,

you say, "Thank you."

Were you in a bar fight?

- I don't know.
- Were you in a bar?

It was either a bar
or a TV store that sold booze.

Was there
a woman involved?

Yes, yes.
This is good.

Keep it coming.
We'll figure this
out together.

I know.

You were in a cowboy bar
and stabbed a mechanical bull
with a butter knife

and when it didn't die,
you punched it in the face.

Oh, my God.
That's it. How'd you know?

You drunk dialed me
last night and told me not
to tell the group,

which, by the way,
I didn't,

so you're welcome.

Come on, Lacey.
Tell me.

Are we only gonna
talk about drunken
white trash problems?

Because I don't have anything
about moonshine or anything,

but I do have
something about school.

Okay, when he's done,
I've got something
about moonshine.

Shoot, Patrick.

We have a design competition
at school on Thursday

and they're making
us all design dresses
for plus-size women.

Are we talking, like,
a size four or six?

Add those, double it,
then multiply by pie.

- [ gasps ]
- And I mean the dessert.

They're just so hard
to design for.

I have no idea
what to do with a woman
of this size.

You have no idea
what to do with a woman
of any size.

These drawings
look like car covers

with a head sticking
through the sunroof.

[ groans ]
They're terrible, I know.

That's because you're hiding
all the good parts.

Where's her caboose?

Where are the bald-headed
train engineers?

The bald-headed--

Her boobies, boy.

Ed, Ed, Ed.
I don't think that
you're qualified

to criticize
Patrick's sketches

without some sort
of a background in--
oh, my God.

It looks like she's
being tented for termites.

What? I'm eating donuts.

My sponsor said
I should reward myself

every once in a while
for not drinking.

So, is the idea
to make you too fat
to fit into a liquor store?

The idea is to keep me sober
so I don't go crazy

and stab you
with a letter opener.

All right, all right,
I'll stop-- I'll stop
criticizing you

for buying yourself
a dozen donuts

and then inhaling them
like an unattended dog.

My sponsor Blake
says it's fine

to have a substitute
indulgence every now and then.

Wait, wait, wait.
Blake Dunkin?

- Blake Dunkin?
- Yeah, of Dunkin' Donuts.

The woman is saving
my life, Charlie.

She is a beacon of hope
that shines for me

day and night
without fail.

Kind of like a sign
outside of a Dunkin' Donuts.

- Are you done now?
- I don't know.

Depends on
what you say next.

Blake is amazing, Charlie.

Anytime I'm feeling
tempted by alcohol,

she comes over
and makes me feel better.

So this woman is either
seriously dedicated

or has less of a social
life than you do.

I shouldn't
be telling you this,

but since you
are a therapist,

theoretically,

not only is Blake in AA,

she's also
a recovering sex addict.

She's sworn off men
for a while.

In fact,
she's celibate.

I feel really bad for her,

but it works out
great for me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where the heck
are you going?

I'm going to a meeting.

Blake is coming
to pick me up.

And instead of bashing me,

it would be great
if you could support me
every once in a while.

- Maybe come to a meeting?
- Oh, hell, yeah.

There's no other way
I'd rather spend my afternoon

than in some dingy church
basement with a bunch
of dirty hobos.

Besides, I'm going
to lunch with Sean.

- Jordan.
- Blake.

Hey.

Blake.

Blake, this is Charlie.

He just called us hobos.

Hey, buddy.
Ready to grab some lunch?

Ladies.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Sean, this is Jordan,
who I work with,

and this
is her friend Blake.

You know what, Sean?
Today, we're not going
to lunch.

We're going to an AA meeting
because you are ruining
your life with alcohol.

No, I'm not.

See that?
Right there.

Denial.
Classic alkie behavior.

All right,
let's do this.

Oh, yeah, cool.
Okay.

[ theme music playing ]

You know, sometimes
we've said the Serenity
Prayer so many times

that we don't actually
think about what we're saying
when we say it.

[ groans ]
Can we please get out
of here and grab a beer?

Shh.

I'm trying to impress
that girl over there.

I want to make it seem
like I care about you.

Well, if you really
cared about me,

you'd stop cuddling me
like a creepy uncle.

And remember
the most important part--

it's the "wisdom
to know the difference."

Thank you.

That was
really inspiring.

- Super inspiring.
- Totally inspiring.
Beyond inspiring, wow.

Sean, I hope
you were listening
to what Blake had to say.

I gotta be honest,
I tried,

but I'm still pretty
buzzed from breakfast

because
I'm an alcoholic.

Okay, who'd like
to share next?

Sean would.

I'm okay, thanks.

Come on, you can do it, Sean.
He can do it, right, Blake?

Yeah, we're all scared
the first time,

but then you're up there
and it feels great.

- That's right.
- You've got a lot
of support here.

Now, go.

I am so proud of him.

It's like pushing a bird
with a broken wing
out of the nest.

I hope not.

Then the bird would
fall to its death.

Yeah, you have
crazy soft hands.

Hi, I'm Sean.

I... am apparently
an alcoholic.

All:
Hi, Sean.

Okay, that's, uh--

I'll give you all a chip
to not do that again.

So, Jordan was telling me
about how great you are.

Oh, funny, she never
mentioned you.

I guess she wanted to keep
you all to herself.

Oh, no, we're not--

we just work together,
but I try to keep a distance.

I know how easy it is
to fall in love with me.

[ laughs ]

I was joking.
Jordan says she
can't stand you.

I hated the bitch first.
God, you're so easy
to talk to.

Clearly
this is a bad time,

but I don't know when
I'm going to see you again.

Would you like to
go out tonight, maybe?

I'm supposed to
have dinner with Jordan.

- Who?
- Jordan.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I suppose I could
make an excuse.

What are you
two whispering about?

I was just
telling Charlie

about this annoying
fundraiser I have to
go to tonight.

Oh, I thought
we were gonna have dinner.

Damn it.
I'm so sorry.

We could do it
Sunday night.

Oh.

Unless it's the best damn
fundraiser you've ever had

and you wanna
do it again on Sunday.

And as I was jumping off
the roof of the apartment
building

into the pool
three stories below,

I thought,
"I could really get hurt."

Um, but I didn't.

And do you know why?
Glug, glug, glug.

[ knock on door ]

Oh, Ed,
thank you so much
for coming.

This anger problem of yours
better be pretty serious

to get me out of bed
at 8:00 at night.

I can't do it, Ed.

I've made
dozens of sketches

of the fat lady dress
and I hate all of them.

- Good-bye.
- No, Ed, please don't go.

Just...

tell me what
I'm doing wrong.

I-I-I'm open to anything.

You're still trying
to hide the woman's figure.

It's like driving
a mountain road, boy.

You've got to
enjoy the curves.

I just can't do it, Ed.
There's too much mountain.

I don't have time
to design and sew a dress.

I've only got two days.

I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.

I know more about...

making dresses
than I should.

When I was growing up,
my mama had to take
in sewing,

make clothes
for the neighbors.

And I was kind of puny,
so I was always the...

model for the little
girls' dresses.

Oh, Ed, that must've
been horrible for you.

[ whispers ]
Thank you, God.

Well, I learned to sew
in 'Nam during the war,

so let's get to it.

Ed, we're sewing a dress
on a fat lady,

not an ear onto a head.

This is hopeless.

Look here. You don't
give up on something
just because it's hard.

Did I quit calling
my neighbor a Chinaman

after he pointed out
that he was a Mexican?

You? No.

No, exactly.

We've got an understanding.
I call him Hong Kong Chui,

he calls me El Gordo
Pendejo Putino...

which I understand means,

"the great white king."

No, Ed, it means "fat,
jackass little manwhore."

[ laughs ]

I believe the Chinaman
speaks better Mexican
than you do.

Ah, that was
a great dinner.
Thank you.

You are welcome.

I've never seen
anyone eat so fast.

Yeah, I can down
a lot pretty quick.
I have no gag reflex.

So, should I
put something in?

I mean on?
I mean, music?

Oh, sure.

Uh...

what do you like?

Okay, I think I know
what you like.

I have to
tell you something,

and please don't
be mad at Jordan,

but she did mention
that you struggled
with sex addiction.

Not as much as I'm
struggling with your belt.

But aren't you celibate?

Well, look, I haven't
had sex in two years.

Wanna know why?

Can't work a belt?

Because I've been
working the program

and I've dealt with
the underlying issues
behind my addiction

and I have a healthy
attitude towards sex.

So drop your pants
and get to work.

Okay.

[ phone chiming ]

- You need to get that?
- [ groans ]

No, it's just Jordan.

She's okay. I taught her
how to self-soothe.

- [ phone beeps ]
- Why aren't you answering?

Why?

I came over to the office
to get my mind off of drinking

and my old roommate
sent me a bottle of wine

to congratulate me
on my new job.

Stupid bitch.

And it's staring at me
and I want it so bad.

Stop staring at me!
Stop it!

God, I'm talking
to a bottle of wine.
Call me.

I really
appreciate this, Ed.

You're the last person
I thought would come through
for me, but you did.

I wish my mama'd had one
of these dress dummies
when I was a boy.

It woulda saved me
a lotta years

of drinking
and thinking.

All right,
let's take a look.

Well, we did it.

I gotta say,
it looks pretty good.

Well, all it needs now
is the belt and we're done.

For the last time,
Ed, the dress does
not need a belt.

When I wore a dress,
a belt always made me
feel sexy.

Give her a belt.

Fine, we'll give her a belt.

You're such a diva.

I know what works.

There.

Now that's a sweet
little cherry

with a whole
lot of sundae.

Yeah, baby.
Work that thing.

So, are you gonna
come to the show?

Well, that depends.

Do I get to help
our Rubenesque model

in and out of this thing?

- Absolutely not.
- Let me know how it goes.

Hey.

Hey.

What's this?

Someone bought me
a bottle of wine as a gift.

Really?
Don't they know you're
an alcoholic and you're--

- [ electricity crackles ]
- [ yells ]

No, that's why
I electrified it.

So I wouldn't touch it.
I guess it works.

Why didn't you
just throw it away,
Ben Franklin?

Because I was freaked out.

I tried calling Blake
and she hasn't called me
back for two days.

She's never done this
to me before.

Ah, I'm sure she's fine.

No, this is weird.

I hope she didn't
fall back into her old
sex addict behavior.

She'd go on this sex binge
with some creep

and just forget about
everything for days.

Keep in mind that
she's also an alcoholic.

Maybe she's just facedown
in a gutter somewhere.

I say we go with
that story until we have
more information.

[ sighs ]
Maybe she's avoiding me.

Hey, do me a favor.

Will you call her
and see if she answers

and then I can
at least stop worrying?

Sure.

Why do you
have her number?

I'm not calling Blake,
I'm calling my mother.

Why?

Because my mother
knows what to do

when I'm
caught in a lie.

I knew it!

You are the creep
who stole my sponsor.

Hey, hey, hey.
You don't know
the full story.

You had sex with a sex addict
who also happens to be

the only sponsor who has
ever been able to help me.

Okay, you know
a lot of the story.

What you don't know
is that she's got her
sex addiction under control.

You're a therapist
and you bought that?

Yes, hook, line,
and sinker.

That's what
all addicts say, that they
have it under control.

But she doesn't.
She has a disease.

A disease?

Sex addiction!

Oh, thank God.

You have got
to stop seeing her
immediately.

Why? She can date
whoever she wants.

But you can't because
she's my 24-hour donut shop

and I can't have you
banging all the donuts.

Well, I have needs, too.

And what I need is a woman
who used to be a sex addict

but isn't anymore
but still does all the stuff.

[ scoffs ]

You are infuriating.

[ screams ]

So, I heard
you helped Patrick.

How'd your little potato
sack project come out?

Our little potato sack
looked fantastic.

I'm just surprised
you know how to sew.

I kind of think of you
as a man's man.

Oh, a man's man
can sew, Nolan,

and I'm not ashamed of it.
You know why?

Because I am
the Grande Pendejo Putino.

That's what the girl
at the Taco Bell calls me.

I guess we're both
super awesome dudes.

Here's your stupid belt.

- How'd we do?
- You don't read emotional
cues very well, do you?

They loved the dress.
They hated the belt.

I told them it gave the dress
an illusion of a waistline.

They said they were
gonna give me the illusion
of a trophy.

Here you go.
It's yours.

Hey, just because
I'm passionate doesn't
mean I'm right.

Now, see there, Nolan?

A man's man can admit
when he's wrong.

Why couldn't you admit
you were wrong last night?

I wasn't wrong yet.

I'm sorry, Blake.

Before we go any further,
we should talk about something.

We both know that addicts
say that their addiction

is under control
even when it's not.

All right, let me
prove it to you.

Let's stop for a while.

We can go miniature golfing
or we can go to a museum

or, hell,
we can go to a park

and just sit and feed
the ducks and talk.

Well, I'm convinced.
Let's have sex.

Yeah.

[ doorbell rings ]

[ groans ]
Excuse me.

Aha, there you are.

Caught in the act.

Busted.
Gotcha.

God, are you drunk?

What is this,
"Jeopardy"?

No, the questions
on "Jeopardy" are hard.

Can I get you a water?

I don't want
anything from you.

Give her the water,
she'll give it to me.

Oh, Jordan,
how did this happen?

Mm.

You wouldn't answer
my calls.

Your voicemail's
stupid, by the way.

[ seductively ]
"Hey, this is Blake.

I'm having sex
with Charlie.

Who cares about Jordan?
Leave a message.

Beep."

It doesn't say that.
You're just upset with me.

I'm upset with him.

You should hear
his voicemail.

[ gravelly ]
"Hey, this is Charlie.

Leave a message unless
you're my pain-in-the-ass
partner Jordan."

Honey, it doesn't
say that either.

Yeah,
actually, it does.

That was way before
you and I got together.

Like, a week ago.

Jordan, I know
you're very angry,

but, listen, drinking
is not gonna solve any
of your problems.

The only reason
you're not drinking

is because your hands
are full of Charlie.

Take me home.

Oh, of course.

Here, let me
get my purse.
Hold on.

Listen, Jordan,
I am so sorry.

I didn't realize how much
you truly needed Blake.

I do a pretty good
drunk act, don't I?

What?

I'm taking
my sponsor back, bitch.

Come on, honey.
Let's go.

No, no, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

She's not drunk.

- What?
- She's not drunk.
The whole thing's an act.

How can you say that?
That's cruel.

She's making faces
at me right now.

Oh, my God.
She's drunk.

She has no control
over herself.

No, no, no. No, no.
She's completely sober.

Watch.

I'll get it.

- Oh, my face.
- Oh, my God.
You're an animal.

Last night, that
was a good thing.

Jordan was right
about you.

You're a heartless,
inconsiderate pig

and I never want
to see you again.

Come on.

- [ knock on door ]
- Coming.

Hi.

Oh, God.

What is it now?

I just wanted
to let you know

that I dropped
Blake as my sponsor

because, well,
she has too many issues.

Shehas too many issues?
She?

You wear underwear
in the shower.

How did you know that?

Blake told me.

Well, obviously
I made the right decision.

But I also came over here
to give you the opportunity

to thank me for breaking
the two of you up.

To thank you?
What, are you drunk?

Or are you just faking
being an idiot?

Blake and I
were great together.

Well, I stole her phone.

Let's see who else
she was great with.

Here are about
20 different guys

she was planning
on hooking up with
in the next few days.

Oh, my gosh.
You're right.

I do owe you a thanks.

Blake,
time to go home!