All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E37.Charlies.New.Sex.Study.Partner.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.

Doing some paperwork.

Nolan, you start.

What is
bothering you today?

Well,
for starters,

you're wearing
a woman's shirt.

All right, I wasn't
doing paperwork.

I needed a shirt,
it was dark,

and luckily the nude girl
in my bed wasn't wearing hers.

And there she goes now.

Bye, sweetie.

Now, on a more
serious note,

Patrick,
why are you Ed?

I took Nolan's chair

because I've got to
look at you straight on.

I hurt my neck
in a car accident.

I rear-ended a guy
and he got out of his car

and punched me
in the neck.

But you kept your cool,

which I think is a testament
to my mad skills

as an anger management
therapist.

Actually, my seat belt
locked up on me

and I couldn't reach
the crowbar in my back seat.

Minor detail.

I am still putting this
in the win column.

I'm very
uncomfortable.

Everything's
different today.

I'm sitting
in the wrong chair

and you look
like my mom...

but hotter.

Hey, Charlie. I'm going on
a talent scout tonight.

You got 40 singles
on you?

Oh, hey, you guys
are all here.

- Hey, Lacey.
- I'm not talking to you.

Too late.
You just did.

That was me just telling you
I'm not talking to you, loser.

Cool, so now we're
having a conversation.

Uh, Sean,
I don't have any singles,

but if you wanna
make yourself some "coffee,"

there's a "coffee" can
in the pantry. Ahem.

There's a bunch
of singles in there.

How could you be friends
with that dirtbag?

That son of a bitch
was sleeping with me

while he was living
with Charlie's ex-wife.

You slept with Sean?

This is turning into
my favorite therapy
session ever.

Except for that.
Ed, look at that.

Ow!

[ chuckles ]
It had to be done.

Lacey, I don't like Sean,
I'm just hanging out with him.

I mean, haven't you ever
had a friend that you hated?

- I hate all my friends.
- Well, there you go.

[ phone chiming ]

Excuse me.

You got Charlie.

Yeah?

What?

All right,
I'll be right there.

Sorry, guys.
I gotta get down
to the college.

It's an emergency.

A bunch of frat guys
are throwing a party
in my research lab.

Hey, you only had
a dollar in the can.

What can I say?
I've been drinking
a lot of coffee.

Hey, can you give me
a ride to my office?

That girl drove me home
last night. I left my car
where I met her.

- Where did you meet her?
- I have no idea.

Maybe afterwards you could
drive me around Los Angeles
while I click my car alarm?

[ theme music playing ]

Hey, backwards
baseball hat.

What the hell's
going on here?

We're conducting
a serious study

on the effects of
whiskey and electricity

on some pledge's balls.

- Bring it!
- Oh, this is really bad.

- Right? This is the cheapest
beer I've ever had.
- I know, right?

- [ electronic buzzing ]
- All: Ooh.

[ laughs ]
Well, that does
kinda make up for it.

All right,
guys, listen up.
Listen up.

I hope you're all done
'cause the party is over.

The guy who pays for this office
is gonna be here any minute.

Oh, no, dude,
he never comes in.

Word is that
his partner ditched him

and he had some kind
of breakdown or something.

No, no. I heard that she was
a royal pain in the ass

and he's been celebrating
ever since she split.

Now, go on.
Go-- go-- go
someplace else

to play with each other's nuts
on your parents' dime.

Oh, no.

What?
What's wrong?

Damn.

The grant foundation
wants the first run
of data by Friday.

And on top of that,
I've got to hire
a new partner.

Without a PhD's name
on this thing,

they're gonna
pull the plug.

Wait, this is
a sex study, right?

Are you telling me
that you need a doctor

to run a video camera
and shoot people doing it?

I can do that.

This isn't the bang bus,
you idiot.

This study's
gonna take my career
to a whole new level.

I've just got to
keep my head clear
and stay focused.

So, Dr. Miller...

I see you've authored
several well-received papers,
and, oh, look at that.

You were runner-up
for Miss Hawaiian Tropic.

Technically,
I wasn't in the contest.

I just stopped by
for a piña colada
and they gave me an award.

Well, this may be
a knee-jerk reaction,

but I like you the best.

So you've seen
the other applicants?

Nah, I got a bunch more.

That's all fine and well,
but what makes you believe
you'd be an asset to this study?

I'm meticulous when it
comes to research protocol.

As for my preferred
methodology...

Pink Taco!

Excuse me?

I just remembered
where I left my car.

Excuse me.

- Charlie Goodson?
- You must be my 5:00.

Dr. Denby.
It's a pleasure
to meet you.

Oh, and I will not
be having sex with you.

Well, then there
won't be any pleasure.

Please.

I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean
to say that.

But I do mean it.
I just didn't mean
to say it.

I do want the job.

But I specialize in research
and I did mine on you.

You like to party,
you can't keep your
zipper zipped.

Ergo, no sex.

So I shaved my legs
for nothing?

I do my research, okay?

Well, so do I,

and I came up with
a few juicy tidbits
about you, Renee.

It's Jordan.

Wrong file.

Oh.
[ laughs ]

This is you,
Jordan.

What is me?

Well, six months ago,
a Dr. Jordan Denby

was arrested for
"decorating a waitress
at Denny's"?

Okay.

Very good.

[ sighs ]
I was having
a bad Christmas.

I'd just gotten divorced.
My antidepressants hadn't
been adjusted yet,

so I took
the ornaments off the tree
next to the register

and decorated
the waitress.

Her name was Noelle.
It seemed logical at the time.

How about
"resisting arrest
at Macy's"?

Bad New Year's.

"Relieving yourself
in an elevator"?

Really, really bad
Valentine's Day.

Look, I don't want to waste
any more of your time here.

You're obviously
qualified and capable,

but I've already
interviewed somebody
who's--

how do I put this?

Sane.

I've been on lots of meds

and there's been
a lot of adjustments.

He married
my twin sister.

What was he looking for?

I'm really not sure.

You know what?
Thanks for stopping by.

All I wanted to do
was come by

and be super confident

and have you give me
the job on my merits.

Well, you failed.

I can't leave.

Why not?

I already have the job.

Okay, I see we're
still trying to find

a balance
with the meds.

No,

the grant foundation
was worried that the project
was becoming unstable,

so they interviewed
potential partners for you

and they decided on me.

They hired you
to add stability?

Yes.

I am supposed to give you
a copy of this contract.

What the hell
happened to it?

When I'm nervous,
I eat paper.

I'm not proud of it.

I know, I know,
I said I wanted to hire you.

But the grant foundation
is forcing me

to hire this emotional
train wreck.

I can't.
She's looking right at me.

All right, bye-bye.

Look, I know you're not
happy that I'm here,

but I'm a professional
and I am damn good.

And I would appreciate it
if you would behave like
a professional as well.

Okay.
Okay, then,

why don't you watch
the DVDs of the last
run of couples

and summarize
the computer
readouts?

What are
the couples doing?

Well, let's see.
It's a sex study,

so they are building
furniture from Sweden.

They're having sex.

- Live sex?
- Yes, live.

Unless you're looking
for the necrophilia study.
Well, that's down the hall.

Uh, wouldn't it
be faster

if I just looked at
the computer readouts?

Oh, my God.

You're a sex researcher
and you don't like watching
people have sex.

Look, most of the research
that I've done is dry,

and this is... wet.

Oh, God.
Look what you made me say.

You think sex is dirty.

I think sex is beautiful.

I think people
make it dirty.

That's what
makes it beautiful.

So everything
I've heard about you
is true.

Wow, that
is really judgmental

coming from a gal
who pees in elevators.

Hey, I was stood up
on Valentine's Day

and I had to drink
an entire bottle of
champagne by myself.

You know why
you got stood up?

Because you only like sex
when it's beautiful

under an enchanted
rainbow.

Well, guess what?

At the end of that rainbow,

all the leprechauns
and unicorns are watching you.

And they're all
playing with themselves.

- You're disgusting.
- You're a prude.

- I'm leaving.
- No, I'm leaving.

Then we're both leaving.

Fine...
but I'm taking
the stairs.

I know what you do
in elevators.

So, did you
totally freak out

when you looked down
at your phone and saw
it was me?

Well, when you called,
I thought, "This is odd."

And then I thought,
"I'm kinda cool.

You might wanna
hang out with me."

Oh, God, no.

Did you know Sean
is back in town?

- Ugh.
- God, I hate him.

You know he had the balls
to call me and try and get
back together?

He called you?
He didn't call me.

I thought you hated him.

Oh, yeah.
That's right.

That's why
I wanted to see you.

We never got back at him
for sleeping with both of us
at the same time,

so I say we should
do it now.

What do you
have in mind?

I have an idea,
but we're gonna need

some roofies
and a tattoo gun.

Your evil little heart
is in the right place,

but I have
a better idea.

Wow, not a good day
to be ice.

It's my new PhD.
She's driving me nuts.

- Is she cute?
- Well, sure, if you think
sexually repressed,

emotionally screwed-up
women are cute.

How are the boobs?

Those are adorable.

[ phone chimes ]

It's Sean, go.

Hi, Sean,
it's Jennifer.

Hey, Jen.

What's happening?

We need to talk.

Yeah, what's up?

I'm pregnant.

Oh, my God.

Are you sure it's mine?

Yes,
I'm absolutely sure.

Uh, boy, wow.

I gotta think about this.
I'll call you back.

[ laughing ]

He couldn't even talk.

He was like,
"I guess, uh, hmm,

I'm gonna have to
call you back.

'Cause, hmm, I'm about
to go crap my pants."

[ both laughing ]

Of course she's not pregnant.
I had a vasectomy years ago.

Wow, a vasectomy.
Didn't you ever want kids?

No, kids are just
little people

you're not allowed
to drink with.

- Hey there.
- Afternoon.

Sorry I'm late.

I had a thing this morning.
It's called sleeping in.

Anyway, in the spirit
of compromise,

today I will watch the DVDs,
you analyze the data.

You know, I felt guilty
all night that I didn't
watch those DVDs.

- I can do that.
- Well, it obviously
makes you uncomfortable,

so today we'll switch.

It was eating
me alive all night.
I have to do this.

I chewed through
my mouth guard.

Okay, you can do it.

Thank you.

I take it back. I can't.
You do it. You're a guy,
you like this stuff.

All right, we are
gonna go about this
in a different way.

How do you like
your scotch?

I don't.

Look, we both need to relax
so we can get over this hump

and you can start
watching people hump.

Alcohol and I don't mix.

Tequila?

I do like tequila.

But I shouldn't.

Look, booze
can be our thing.

It's obviously
not gonna be sex.
You said so yourself.

Can't it be psychology?

I'm sorry,
I wish it could be,

but booze and sex
are the only two choices.

Fine.
Just one.

Great.

There, you happy now?

Uh, yes.
Are you?

Nope, not yet.

Well, that's
the end of that.

- End of what?
- My sobriety.

Your sobriety?

Yep.

It's a battle,
and I guess I lost today.

Wait a minute.
Are you a--

Alcoholic?

Oh, yeah.

Big-time.

So the Denny's incident,

Macy's, the elevator...

That was tequila.

[ whispers ]
Should never
drink tequila.

But you just drank,
like, half the bottle.

I know, we should
switch to rum.

Great idea.

There's a bottle under the bed
in the observation room.

You grab that,
I'll get us some real glasses,

and we'll get some
work done around here.

Oh, finally.
This was a great idea.

Hey.

What are you doing?
Let me out of here!

Not until you dry out.

I'm not gonna have
your boozy meltdown
on my head.

You open this door
or I'm gonna knock it down.

I have been
drinking tequila

and I have the strength
of four Mexicans.

Sorry, one of us has to be sober
to do all of this work,

and it's certainly
not gonna be me.

- [ chimes ]
- Hey, Sean.

I'm just out shopping
for the baby. What's up?

Listen, I've been
thinking a lot about this.

- Ah, you're pretty
freaked out, huh?
- What, are you kidding?

This is the best thing
that has ever happened to me.

- What?
- Yeah, I've never been
so excited in my life.

I hope it's cool,
but I told my family.

My mom couldn't stop crying.

She's been
in pretty poor health

and she was afraid
that I wouldn't have a baby
before she died.

I'll call you later, okay?

I thought of
a whole bunch of names.
I did.

[ whimpers ]

- [ chimes ]
- Lacey, go.

He's fine with it.

- What?
- He thinks I'm gonna be
a wonderful mother.

He told his family.

What a dick.

Let's see how cool
he can be

when he thinks
he's gonna have two babies
with two wonderful moms.

I'll call you back.

- Sean, go.
- Hey, Sean.

Lacey, hey, I wasn't
expecting to hear from you.
What's up?

I just got back
from the doctor

and I have some
pretty shocking news.

I am completely pregnant
with your baby.

Oh, really?

Yeah, this is
a super big deal.

It's, like,
growing inside me.

That sucks.

So, what do you need,
like 300 bucks or something?

I mean, we kinda--

we gotta get this
taken care of pronto, right?

Before that thing
starts sucking its thumb
in there.

Have you seen those pictures?
It's really creepy.

So, uh, wait.

You don't want me
to have your baby?

[ laughs ]
No offense,
but you as a mom?

Come on, you can barely
feed yourself.

I am trying to stay thin!

[ laughs ]

- [ chimes ]
- Is he freaking out?

He said I would be
a horrible mom!

Oh, I'm so sorry, Lacey.

I hate him so much!

Please, can we kill him?

Oh, wait.
I just remembered.
He had a vasectomy.

It's been four hours.
Let me out of here.

Not until you sober up.

Why don't you try
sleeping it off in that bed?

It's like a little
motel room in there.

Hundreds of people
have had sex on that bed.

Okay, like a seedy
little motel room.

Look, I am not even mad
at you anymore, okay?

I'm mad at me.

I was really getting
my sobriety back together again

and I just
threw it all away.

How long were you sober?

I was sober
during the entire 10 years
of my marriage.

And when my husband left me
for my evil twin sister...

I went straight
to the bar

and I spent
the last six months

systematically
destroying my career

and winning
wet T-shirt contests
for beer money.

I'm not sure if this
the right moment,

but I recently mentioned
to a friend of mine

how adorable
your boobs are.

Will you let me out now?

I'd really like
to get back to work.

Sure.

[ sighs ]

This has been
pretty hard for me.

I know it's stupid,

but I could really
use a hug.

Come here.

- Oof.
- Ow.

Damn it.

Good luck getting
all this work done
without me.

Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

If you stay
until Friday,

I'll let you knee me
in the balls again.

Anyway, I thought I could
do all of this by myself,

but obviously
I can't.

So, the best way
that you can help me

is to watch the tapes
of the recent test couples

and document
their sexual activity.

I'm quite familiar
with this process.

Please feel confident
that you can do your work
and I will accomplish--

Shh, Jimbo,
I'm trying to work.

Hey, Charlie.

What the hell
are you doing here?

- You quit.
- No, I didn't.

I was just
proving a point.

So, to prove a point,

I had to sleep with
a bag of frozen peas
on my balls?

You had it coming.

- Who's that?
- Your replacement.

Oh, well,
he can go now.

Look,
I hired Dr. Feedler

because he's
a preeminent psychologist

and a consummate
professional.

Oh, yeah.
Give it to her.

Who comes
highly recommended.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, Mommy, oh, yeah.
Come on.

- By many doctors.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, oh.

Gonna make Daddy cry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Jimbo?

Why don't you take this
in the next room and actually
write some notes?

Don't worry,
it's soundproof,
so knock yourself out.

Look, the board
forced me to hire you,
so I did.

But you quit
and I replaced you.

My uncle is in charge
of the entire grant foundation,

and he says
if I'm not working here,

he's going to shut down
your entire study.

[ stutters ]
I'm sorry, what?

It gets worse.

He says
that I am in charge,

so I guess that
kind of makes me your boss.

You're my boss?

And we start
at 9:00 AM here.

And I think that
our first priority

should be making this
an alcohol-free office.

Okay, why don't we
take all the booze

and put it
in that room over there?

Dr. Feedler
is touching himself.

Yeah, I thought
you might enjoy that.

Who wants a drink now?