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1
00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:05,005
- Hey, Charlie.
- Whatever it is, I can't
deal with it right now.
2
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:07,094
I've got a lot on my mind
and I'm about to start group.
3
00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:08,008
But this is huge.
4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,575
Fine.
What is it?
5
00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:12,838
I'm into fat chicks.
6
00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:15,450
I went to a party
this weekend
7
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:18,148
and the big girls
are awesome.
8
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,064
If you're holding
the dip bowl,
9
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,153
you're in the center
of the action.
10
00:00:23,197 --> 00:00:25,329
What kind of a low-rent,
suburban shindig were you at
11
00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,592
where they made you
hold the dip bowl?
12
00:00:27,636 --> 00:00:29,159
You don't seem
happy for me.
13
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,465
I just spoke to Kate.
14
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,075
She went out
with a guy
15
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:34,077
who might give us
the grant money
for our research.
16
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,079
Sounds like she
came within an inch
of sleeping with him.
17
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,994
Wait, wait, wait.
18
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,822
I thought you wanted her
to sleep with the guy
19
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:42,129
so you could get the grant
to keep your sex study going.
20
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,131
That was only
when the guy
was a woman.
21
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:47,221
Sleeping with a guy who's
a guy is totally unsavory.
22
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:50,789
Oh, so you're okay with her
having sex as long as
it's lesbian sex.
23
00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:53,923
- Well, that's totally savory.
- Right.
24
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:56,882
Ed:
What are you
blaming me for?
25
00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:58,101
If you were in
better shape,
26
00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,711
you wouldn't have
hurt your back.
27
00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:00,843
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
28
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:02,497
Whoa, Martin,
are you okay?
29
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:03,672
No, I'm fine.
30
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:04,803
Getting old
is tough.
31
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:06,153
My grandpa
sneezed once
32
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,894
and now he looks
like the letter N.
33
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:10,200
Oh, please.
34
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:12,811
He threw his back out
this morning in the park
35
00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:15,988
playing chess
with the local Negroes.
36
00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:18,078
Was it the chess, Ed,
37
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,036
or was it the running away
38
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,083
after you called them
"local Negroes"?
39
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,172
Well, what's
the big deal?
40
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,739
They call it
the United Negro
College Fund.
41
00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:29,306
How come when I say it,
42
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:32,135
I end up hiding
behind a jungle gym?
43
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,224
Because, Ed,
44
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:37,184
you called the man
you were playing chess with
45
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:39,055
"Jungle Jim."
46
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,405
Oh.
47
00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:43,103
Martin,
if your back hurts,
48
00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:45,279
you could come with me
to yoga tomorrow afternoon.
49
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,150
I think it'll
totally help you.
50
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,760
No, thanks for
the offer, Lacey,
51
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:50,022
but there's
nothing wrong
with my back.
52
00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:51,546
And even
if there was,
53
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,461
I'm afraid yoga's
a little out of
my price range.
54
00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,115
No problem.
55
00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:57,160
I've got a two-week
guest pass for
family members.
56
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,206
You could pretend
to be my dad.
57
00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:01,251
When I was 14,
I found out my dad
58
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:03,688
was pretending
to be my dad.
59
00:02:03,732 --> 00:02:06,430
I also found out
I was 16.
60
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:11,000
Please, Martin?
61
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,395
Sure, I'd be delighted
to play your father,
62
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:15,744
but not because
I need it,
63
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,615
because, you know,
I don't need it.
64
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,664
What's the matter?
65
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,841
Aren't you gonna
pick up those keys
with that healthy back?
66
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:30,193
You know me,
I like to make
a game out of life.
67
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,065
For example,
let's see if I can
get these keys
68
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,850
up and out the door,
69
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:37,331
down to the curb,
and up onto the hood
of my car
70
00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:39,550
while only
using my feet.
71
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,599
Since when do you care
about Martin's back?
72
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:45,991
- [ keys jingle ]
- Or anybody's back?
73
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:48,733
Or anybody?
Or anything?
74
00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:52,084
- Shh. My yoga
teacher is super hot.
- [ keys jingle ]
75
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:54,957
The only bad thing
about him is he cares
about family and karma
76
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,350
and all that crap.
77
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:58,352
[ keys clatter ]
78
00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,875
VoilĂ .
79
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,268
Good-bye, everyone.
80
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:03,487
Are these your keys,
Grandpa?
81
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,141
You're not allowed
to touch them.
82
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,577
He's playing a game.
83
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,188
Oh.
84
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,972
Sorry, Grandpa.
85
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,280
Kate?
86
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:16,631
Kate?
87
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,851
Oh, hello, Charlie.
88
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,244
Leslie.
89
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,985
What the hell
are you doing here?
90
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,204
I'm taking Kate
to lunch.
91
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,031
We're going to
discuss the grant.
92
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:29,078
She's waiting
in the car.
93
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,253
Hey, wait a second.
94
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:32,212
You're the guy
in charge of the grants?
95
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,215
Surprise.
96
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:40,089
Your entire future
is in my hands.
97
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:43,135
You're a tool
and I don't buy
the accent.
98
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:45,225
So what did I do
to incur such wrath?
99
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,923
You tried to stop me
from sleeping with one
of my ex-patients.
100
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,794
Oh, oh, so I'm
a terrible person
101
00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:52,101
because I have
morals and standards
102
00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:54,756
and I try to stop you
doing something unethical?
103
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,148
You were trying
to screw her, too!
104
00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:57,541
Let's not nitpick.
105
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:02,285
Look, you obviously
have feelings for Kate.
106
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:04,244
It must be very difficult
for you knowing that
107
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,115
we'll be going
on a trip together
this weekend.
108
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:07,682
Oh, really?
Where?
109
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:10,815
A sleepy little hamlet
about an hour north.
110
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,426
Perhaps you've
heard of it.
111
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,341
Pound Town.
112
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,389
Hey, Lis,
you got a minute?
113
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,478
[ laughing ]
114
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,308
I was just talking to
your boss about my grant.
115
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,223
Isn't it awful?
116
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,747
- What's that?
- Talking to him.
117
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,533
Yeah, what a dick.
118
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,100
I wanted to talk
to you more about that
off the record.
119
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,972
Oh...
[ laughs ]
120
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:40,105
I don't know
if I feel comfortable
with that.
121
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:43,065
Look, I'm not asking you
to undermine your boss.
122
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:46,111
I'm asking you
to help me dig up some dirt
so we can ruin him.
123
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,680
And why would I do that?
124
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,987
Because if we don't
do something by Friday,
125
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:55,599
Kate, that raven-haired goddess
you had a crush on,
126
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:57,775
is going to be
groped by Leslie's
127
00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,778
pasty, British,
inbred man hands.
128
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,911
[ laughing ]
129
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,523
I think you
should probably leave.
130
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,787
He's a man.
A disgusting, hairy man.
131
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,180
Oh, stop it.
132
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,356
You know,
sometimes when I get
out of the shower,
133
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,010
I look in the mirror
and I cry. You know why?
134
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,968
- Uh-uh.
- Because I'm a man.
135
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,101
All right, all right,
all right, all right,
all right.
136
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:20,363
I'll tell you
everything,
137
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,191
but it's not gonna
do you any good.
138
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:24,715
Okay, he does this
all the time.
139
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,805
He promises women
he'll fund their research
in exchange for sex,
140
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,198
and then after
he sleeps with them,
141
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,808
he doesn't
give them the money.
142
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,419
What?
143
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,509
What kind of a lowlife
has sex and doesn't
pay for it?
144
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,554
[ theme music playing ]
145
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,038
Oh, my God,
here he comes.
146
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:45,997
Hi, Tyler.
147
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:48,348
Namaste.
148
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,567
Is that all
you're wearing?
149
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,177
You look like
a streetwalker.
150
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:53,178
At least
I can walk.
151
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:58,270
- Namaste.
Lacey, right?
- You remembered.
152
00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,707
This is my father.
153
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,448
I brought him here
to help him heal.
154
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,145
Because like you said,
155
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:06,148
"Who you are on the mat
is who you are in life.
156
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:09,238
The universe
is a circus."
157
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:11,022
- Circle.
- Circle.
158
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,417
We have a very
close-knit family.
159
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,985
Sadly, her mother died
recently of a heart attack.
160
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,900
Probably because
she saw the way
161
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,858
her daughter dresses
for yoga class.
162
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,687
Oh, Dad.
163
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:26,168
My mom's body
was a lot like mine,
164
00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:29,084
so I like to show it off
in her memory.
165
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,089
I think the angriest
I've ever been in my life
166
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,438
was the first time
I got arrested.
167
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,440
Understandable.
168
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,008
Followed by
the fourth time
I got arrested.
169
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,706
Also understandable.
170
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,187
Second and third
are both tied.
171
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:49,104
And five through 12...
whew-- kind of a blur.
172
00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,323
But I was actually
asking everybody
173
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:52,890
to tell a story
from their childhood.
174
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:54,849
[ chuckles ]
That was my childhood.
175
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,894
[ cell phone chiming ]
176
00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,550
Hello, Kate?
177
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,334
Oh, hi.
178
00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:04,424
No, no, it's not time
for my Pap smear.
179
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:09,167
Sorry, guys,
I was really hoping
that was somebody else.
180
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:10,778
What's going on,
Charlie?
181
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:13,607
You know that
woman that I talk about
occasionally-- Kate?
182
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:16,087
Robot lady.
183
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:20,091
[ chattering ]
184
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:21,919
Anyways, she's going
out of town this weekend
185
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,008
to have sex
with a total scumbag.
186
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:26,576
This guy promises women
grant money for sex
187
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,143
and then never
gives them the grant.
188
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:30,145
The problem is
I've only got 48 hours
189
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:31,973
to bring the guy down,
but I don't have any evidence.
190
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:34,323
You need to
break the law, Charlie.
191
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:36,543
Cleo's right.
You need to tape him.
192
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,936
Tape him?
You mean like wear a wire?
193
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,025
No. Tape his mouth,
tape his hands,
194
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,245
take him out to the desert
and dig a hole.
195
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,553
No.
196
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,730
Yes.
197
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:52,036
I'll tape him
and I'll use that
for the evidence.
198
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,385
Wayne:
Whatever you do,
199
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:54,996
don't wear one of those
hidden cameras
200
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,519
they hide in glasses.
201
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,129
People catch on to that
202
00:07:58,173 --> 00:07:59,870
and you end up
dead in the shower
like that guy.
203
00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:01,045
What's that boy's name again?
204
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:03,308
Fake-ass-glasses-
dead-snitch-Pete.
205
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,617
This guy have a nickname?
206
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:09,967
"John."
207
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:17,061
Hey, Saundra.
It's Charlie Goodson.
208
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:20,282
Yeah, that was
an awesome date.
209
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:21,849
Listen, I'm back
from the Sudan now.
210
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:24,025
Yeah, just put
the bags over there.
211
00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:26,114
Anyway, I need your help.
212
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:29,421
There's this sketchy guy
who's tricking women
into having sex--
213
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:31,554
no, it's not me.
214
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,817
But I am gonna be
taping it and--
215
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,515
wait, hello?
216
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,953
Charlie,
none of these girls
217
00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:40,563
are gonna do
pervy stuff with you
218
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,347
if you just come out
and ask 'em.
219
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:44,480
No, no, no.
It's not what you think.
220
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,526
There's this sleazebag
who's trying to seduce Kate,
221
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:49,267
so I'm trying to find
a way to trick him into
revealing himself.
222
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:51,356
And now you can't
find anyone to help you.
223
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,577
No, no. I've asked
every remotely bangable
woman I know
224
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:58,494
who could
possibly seduce...
225
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,757
and then I thought,
"Why not go classy?"
226
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,542
Would you do this
for me, Jen?
227
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:03,760
I'm gonna pass.
228
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:06,850
Oh, come on.
I really need this.
229
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,504
Well, I like Kate
230
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,550
and I don't wanna
see her get hurt.
231
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:12,377
Plus, I'm bored
out of my mind.
232
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:14,815
The old lady
across the street
invited me mall walking
233
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,773
and I thought,
"Maybe."
234
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,690
Well, you'll do it.
Great. Thank you.
235
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:23,737
Now this guy has to
really believe that
you're applying for a grant.
236
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,826
Can you pretend to be
a psychologist?
237
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:28,480
Well, I've been
watching you pretend
for the last 10 years.
238
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:30,874
Hey, hey, hey.
239
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:32,789
It's 12 years in June.
240
00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:37,577
Hello, Lacey.
Sorry I'm late.
241
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,361
You know you don't
have to be here anymore.
242
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,624
You must have
old man stuff to do.
243
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,931
I'm not here
to bother you, kid.
244
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,063
After yesterday,
my back feels a
whole lot better.
245
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:48,631
In fact, Ed didn't
have to help me put on
my socks this morning,
246
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,415
which was a win-win
for everybody.
247
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,504
Okay, everybody.
248
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:55,769
We're gonna start slowly today
with some cat-cow stretches.
249
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:01,470
Tyler, could you
come over here and see
if my butt's doing this right?
250
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,734
You're doing great.
251
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,171
But what you wanna do
is tilt your pelvis
252
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,478
like this.
253
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:10,827
All right, buddy.
254
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,873
You wanna get your hands
off my daughter's body?
255
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,091
Relax, Dad.
256
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,745
He's just
realigning my chakras.
257
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:18,618
Most of the best ones
are in the bathing suit area.
258
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:22,578
He better stop
before I realign
his face.
259
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,492
Dad.
260
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,363
Can't you see
what he's doing?
261
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:28,584
I'll bet you he's slept
with half the people
in this class.
262
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,542
Hey, come on,
let's be honest.
263
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,588
Who of you have slept
with this guy?
264
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:37,724
You should all be
ashamed of yourselves.
265
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:40,204
I came here hoping to have
a spiritual experience
266
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,553
and now I feel dirty.
267
00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:44,208
But not as dirty
as I was hoping to feel.
268
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,909
[ laughs ]
Wow.
269
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,562
After everything
I had heard about you,
270
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:53,696
I'm surprised you're
so funny and charming.
271
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,133
I say no
to a lot of people
272
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:58,745
and you know how
catty the scientific
community can be.
273
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,660
Oh, you don't
have to tell me.
274
00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:03,140
Whenever I'm walking around
with the other scientists
275
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:04,751
in my white lab coat,
276
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:08,580
they're all,
"This scientist
is bad at science."
277
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:11,932
And I'm all like,
"Come on, guys.
Science."
278
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,720
I couldn't have
said it better myself.
279
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,244
So why don't you
tell me more
280
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,769
about your fascinating
little study?
281
00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:24,379
Well,
282
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,468
I wanna study
283
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,600
dignity in rodents.
284
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:32,648
I'm sorry,
I thought you said
"dignity in rodents."
285
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,607
I did.
286
00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:37,348
I wanna find out
287
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,438
how much they'll
sacrifice their dignity
288
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:43,267
to get something
that they really want.
289
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:48,838
I see, my little
field mouse.
290
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:52,494
Do you like magic?
291
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:55,540
Card magic?
292
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:58,761
Doesn't every woman
love card magic?
293
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,807
I'm actually
quite good.
294
00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:06,508
- I trained under
the Great Couchelle.
- Ooh.
295
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,553
Here, sign your name
on this card.
296
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:13,645
And then I'm going
to fold it with one hand.
297
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:18,215
And place it
inside your mouth.
298
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,917
And then I'm going
to write my name...
299
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,788
"Leslie"...
300
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:30,097
fold it and you
are going to place it
301
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,360
inside my mouth.
302
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,501
And now
we're going to kiss.
303
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:46,548
And something magical
is going to happen.
304
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,642
Look at your card.
305
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,386
Wait, this has
your name on it.
306
00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,649
- That's amazing!
- Thank you.
307
00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:03,478
And this is yours.
308
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:05,001
And it says...
309
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:07,699
"I'm Charlie Goodson's
ex-wife."
310
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,832
That's amazing, too!
311
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,313
In a less fun way.
312
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,841
My office couldn't
find your bio,
313
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,582
so I did a bit
of research
314
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,845
and I saw this picture of you
sitting in the back of
a pickup truck
315
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,455
drinking a PBR
and I thought,
316
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,370
"Ooh, that's not
a titan of science."
317
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,242
So...
318
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:33,464
why are you
really here,
Jennifer?
319
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,075
I'm sorry.
320
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:36,554
I only did it
to help Charlie.
321
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:39,557
You know why
he's out to get me,
don't you?
322
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:44,345
A while back,
we were competing
for a girl named Hope
323
00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:45,868
and he lost.
324
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,522
What?!
325
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,480
He's got me
throwing myself
at you
326
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,308
because of
some other woman?
327
00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:53,876
Leslie Moore.
328
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,356
Didn't expect
to see you here.
329
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,577
That is one hot piece
of tail you got there.
330
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,101
Is she gonna benefit
from your special
331
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,755
Pound Town
endowments?
332
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,801
[ cell phone ringing ]
333
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:13,635
Your chips
are ringing.
334
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:16,464
[ ringing continues ]
335
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:17,857
[ ringing stops ]
336
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,859
Charlie, he knows!
337
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:24,776
I'm sorry, who are you
and how do you know my name?
338
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,909
Why didn't you tell me
this was just part
339
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:30,130
of some stupid, macho
revenge fantasy of yours?
340
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,609
Is that what
this snake told you?
341
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,002
He's not a snake.
342
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:35,526
He's charming
and smart.
343
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,878
And you let me
humiliate myself
over some random skank.
344
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:42,098
Come on, Leslie,
we can finish this up
at my place.
345
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:45,275
Wait, you're doing this
just to get back at Charlie,
aren't you?
346
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:46,973
- Hells, yeah!
- I'm fine with that.
347
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,591
I haven't had
revenge sex in years.
348
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,462
I forgot
how good it is.
349
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,725
I've never had revenge sex.
I've only ever been
the reason for it.
350
00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:02,379
Charlie's
jealous of you.
351
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:03,946
That's what
makes you so hot.
352
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,600
I know.
353
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:10,648
What exactly was he trying
to get on me, anyway?
354
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:13,869
Something about you
having sex with women
in exchange for grants.
355
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,264
But don't tell me
if it's true or not.
I don't want to know.
356
00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,614
Brilliant.
357
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,877
I mean, we all understand
the way the world works.
358
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,661
You have something
these women want,
359
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,141
they have something
you want.
360
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:26,969
Exactly.
It's quid pro quo.
361
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,884
Let's pretend
I am a scientist
362
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,147
and I do want a grant...
really bad.
363
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:32,279
Okay.
364
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:33,802
What would I have to do?
365
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,935
Would I have less dignity
than a field mouse?
366
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:38,415
Oh, good Lord, no.
I'm not a monster.
367
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,591
I would just--
I would just tell you
368
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,376
that you have to have sex
with me to get the grant.
369
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:45,161
And after that, you know,
it's good old-fashioned,
370
00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:48,295
me-in-women's-hosiery-
woman-on-top sex.
371
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:51,385
Charlie, is that enough?
I'm starting to get
grossed out.
372
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:57,173
What do you think, Lisa?
Is that enough?
373
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:59,219
[ Lisa laughs ]
374
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,005
What is the meaning of this?
375
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:06,008
The meaning of this
is you're busted.
376
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,488
And I'm pretty sure
by tomorrow morning,
377
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:08,837
Lisa's going
to have your job.
378
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,405
Yeah, who's
laughing now?
[ laughs ]
379
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,189
I am.
[ laughs ]
380
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:18,455
You have nothing on me.
It's your words against mine.
381
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:21,458
Yeah, well, that's where
you're wrong, "Oliver Twit."
382
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:26,289
We've got you
admitting everything
on hidden camera.
383
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,988
That's not a camera, Charlie,
that's just a clock.
384
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,641
Well, where's
the hidden camera?
385
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:33,993
It's up on the mantle
disguised as a video camera.
386
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:36,169
- [ sighs ]
- Leslie: Okay, Charlie,
387
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:37,866
give me the camera
388
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:41,043
and I'll give you a grant
to study the beaches
of Acapulco.
389
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,523
Forget it, Leslie.
390
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:46,527
He who laughs last
laughs best.
391
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:52,054
Oh, come on, Lisa.
One time.
392
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,100
[ laughing ]
393
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,582
Kate.
394
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,193
I know you hate
being wrong,
395
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,412
but Leslie's out, Lisa's in,
and we got the grant.
396
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:07,200
Hey, Kate.
397
00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:11,160
Are you in there?
398
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,597
Where's all your stuff?
399
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,295
What's going on?
400
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:17,819
Why'd you leave a note?
401
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:20,169
You're not in there,
are you?
402
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:22,215
Maybe I should
read the note.
403
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,965
Okay, Charlie
is officially
20 minutes late.
404
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,489
And there's
nothing to eat.
405
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:39,101
Therapy snacks are
the most important meal
of the day.
406
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,886
All right, here's what
I could scrounge up.
407
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:44,237
A bottle of
'94 Bordeaux,
408
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,586
some Camembert cheese,
409
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:47,936
a tin of caviar,
and toast points.
410
00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:49,372
Didn't he have
411
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:52,158
any of his usual
donuts and muffins?
412
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,160
Yeah.
413
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:59,034
Ahem. Hey, everybody.
Sorry I'm late.
414
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,080
Tons of traffic.
415
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:06,302
I thought we'd pick it up
where we left off last week.
416
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,219
I guess I'm going
to be the one to ask.
417
00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:13,483
Do you have
any donuts?
418
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:18,053
Damn, son,
what the hell
happened to you?
419
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,229
Why, because you all
decided to show up early
420
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,405
and I'm comfortably
dressed?
421
00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,452
You brought out my wine.
Sweet.
422
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,283
I probably
shouldn't drink this
on an empty stomach.
423
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:44,427
I feel like
this should be fun,
424
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,473
but it's not.
425
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:51,478
What happened to you?
426
00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:52,914
Nothing.
427
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,569
Oh, Kate left.
Probably forever.
428
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,353
Kate?
429
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,442
Oh, so now you can't
finish your research study.
430
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:00,922
Oh, it goes deeper
than that.
431
00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:03,446
She wasn't just
my research partner
and best friend.
432
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:06,667
We also had
phenomenal sex together.
433
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:09,496
Charlie, are you sure
you want to tell us this?
434
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:11,715
Thank you. You're right.
Too personal.
435
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:14,065
She never ran out of saliva.
436
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,986
But now she's gone.
437
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:24,424
She did leave me
this cool letter.
438
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:28,341
If you could
read that for me.
439
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,125
[ sighs ]
Try not to crease it.
440
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,693
I'm saving that
for my scrapbook.
Would you pass the caviar?
441
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,393
"Dear Charlie,
442
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:39,700
I don't like
what I've become.
443
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:42,137
I've done some
soul-searching recently--"
444
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,573
If Kate's out
looking for her soul,
445
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:46,359
she'll be searching
for a long time.
446
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:55,411
Okay.
447
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:56,891
"When I realized
I was willing
448
00:19:56,934 --> 00:20:00,242
to have sex with a stranger
to advance my career,
449
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:01,591
it scared me.
450
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,854
I've lost
my moral compass--"
451
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,769
Kate never had
a moral compass.
452
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:08,511
She was always
heading in the direction
of self-by-self-centered.
453
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,558
Continue.
454
00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:13,255
I don't want to.
455
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,431
Continue!
We're playing a game.
456
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:18,869
Yeah, never mind.
457
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,742
It goes on and on
like that.
458
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:23,352
Long story short,
459
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:25,398
she's moved to India
to find herself
460
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:28,836
and wants to live
in an ashram or something.
461
00:20:28,879 --> 00:20:30,141
How crazy is that?
462
00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:33,101
Said the man
not wearing any pants.
463
00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:36,800
And, Ed,
it feels great.
464
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:41,544
Hey, anybody ever been
to a gun range?
465
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,853
Charlie, are you
going to be okay?
466
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:48,682
Of course
I'm going to be okay.
467
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:51,162
I just woke up from
a three-year mistake.
468
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,512
Look at me, I'm free.
469
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:54,601
Now I can do whatever
the hell I want to.
470
00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:59,432
Ahh.
471
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:01,216
That's where those go now.
472
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:09,485
So, Ed,
473
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:11,444
last week you were angry
because you broke a shoelace.
474
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:13,097
How's that going for you?
34447
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