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1
00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:04,047
- Hey, Charlie.
- Charlie.
2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,919
Hey, Sean.
Glad you're back
at group.
3
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,008
- Thank you.
- [ door shuts ]
4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,227
You guys just did
a bro hug.
5
00:00:10,271 --> 00:00:11,750
That's like
the male version of,
6
00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:14,014
"Oh, my God,
I love your shoes."
7
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:16,494
Sean, the group
will be here any minute
if you wanna head in.
8
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,801
- I'm gonna miss you, babe.
- Oh.
9
00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:22,283
- I'm gonna
miss you, too, babe.
- Ah, young love.
10
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,894
It's so much cuter
than what's going on
right here.
11
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,680
Sean,
do you wanna
grab this?
12
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,030
- Mm-hmm.
- I'll follow you
with the coffee.
13
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,553
- All right.
- [ Jen sighs ]
14
00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:34,164
- See you later, babe.
- Keep walking, babe.
15
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,516
I finally
get to use
the shower
16
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,997
and Ed has
once again
helped himself
17
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,782
to my milk and honey soap
with oatmeal and shea butter.
18
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,958
Can you blame him?
19
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:47,960
Sounds delicious.
20
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:50,224
What makes you think
I'm using your soap?
21
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,008
Your hairs
are all over it.
22
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,444
They can't be Ed hairs.
23
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:56,447
He doesn't have any--
oh, my God!
24
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,406
I'm at the age where
they're jumping ship.
25
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,582
I can't stop 'em.
26
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,149
You know how they say that
27
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:05,065
any conversation in therapy
can lead to something good?
28
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:07,328
Well, they were wrong.
29
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,069
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
30
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,896
Uh, why is the old man
31
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,898
living with the gay man?
32
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,815
It's a long story,
but the gay man
33
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,035
tricked the old man
into thinking he won
the lottery.
34
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,994
I told Patrick
35
00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:25,302
if Ed thought he was rich,
he'd go crazy and leave
his wife.
36
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:27,130
You said nothing.
37
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,958
You said
it would be funny.
38
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,742
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
39
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:35,921
Aren't you guys
supposed to be helping
each other not be angry?
40
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,749
Yeah, what's wrong
with you people?
41
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:40,317
You're such idiots.
42
00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:42,145
See you all next week.
43
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,198
Did you see what I saw?
44
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,852
Yeah. I noticed it
all throughout session.
45
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:57,552
A man Ed's age
should wear socks
with his shoes.
46
00:01:57,595 --> 00:02:00,555
Yeah, that could destroy
a relationship, too.
47
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:03,906
[ theme music playing ]
48
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,519
It's been the happiest
11 years of my life
49
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:11,174
and I can't imagine
not being married to her.
50
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,959
Oh, thanks.
Me, too.
51
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,744
Well, thank you both
very much for coming in.
52
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,181
- Real pleasure.
- Thanks.
53
00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,922
- Nice to meet you.
- Bye-bye.
54
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,750
- Bye.
- Bye.
55
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,319
It is so nice
to see a couple
that happy.
56
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,669
They'll be divorced
in six months.
57
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,975
What?
How do you know?
58
00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:32,239
I just know.
I felt it the second
I saw them.
59
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:35,329
That's so unlike you,
you know, to feel something.
60
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:38,070
It's not a feeling,
it's science.
61
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,550
It's like that
Gladwell book "Blink."
62
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,510
Our subconscious makes
a thousand calculations
63
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:45,034
and decides things
before we're even
aware of it.
64
00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:47,123
I knew they were doomed
the second they walked in.
65
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,647
Come on.
You don't know what
you're talking about.
66
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:55,175
Excuse me.
My lovely wife left
her $600 sunglasses here.
67
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,959
Third time this month
and next time,
68
00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:58,395
I make the bitch
pay for them.
69
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,270
"B-link."
70
00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:07,535
Oh, man.
[ sighs ]
71
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:09,145
What is it?
72
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,104
I think I "blinked" something
today in group.
73
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:15,760
The guy Jen's "blinking"
is blinking someone else.
74
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:17,762
Here's the worst part...
75
00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:20,025
I think he's cheating on her
with Lacey.
76
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,766
You'd think it goes
without saying,
77
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:24,160
but that's why
you don't have your
ex-wife's new boyfriend
78
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,075
in your therapy group.
79
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:28,208
Just once,
I'd like something
to actually
80
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:30,645
"go without saying."
81
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,647
That wouldn't be any fun,
but, of course,
82
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,475
that goes without saying.
83
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:41,525
- Ed, I bought you some socks.
- [ water running ]
84
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,571
No more excuses.
85
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,662
- Where are you?
- Ed: In the shower.
86
00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,403
[ sighs ]
Of course.
87
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,361
[ cell phone rings ]
88
00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:54,930
Nolan,
you don't need
to keep checking in.
89
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,759
I already told you,
Ed and I are never going
to have a party
90
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,761
and forget to invite you.
91
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:02,198
No, that's not what
I'm calling about this time.
92
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,678
I've been robbed!
93
00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:05,288
Are you serious?
Are you okay?
94
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,595
Yeah, I guess.
95
00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:09,336
They took
just about everything.
96
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,163
I'm pretty shaken up.
97
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,295
Are you hurt?
98
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,297
A little.
99
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,518
They kept saying
my stuff was crap.
100
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:18,823
Okay, we'll be right over.
101
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:21,304
- Okay, thanks.
- Bye.
102
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:24,438
Ed, hurry up.
Nolan's been robbed
and we have to get over there.
103
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:27,876
- I'm almost done.
- Seriously, what
are you doing?
104
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,704
I'm washing your soap.
105
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,097
It's a damn oxymoron.
106
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:37,494
This is a pretty racy costume
for a high school musical.
107
00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:39,148
We're doing "Chicago."
108
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,324
We have to stay
authentic to the times
and the story, Mom.
109
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:42,760
Yeah, right.
110
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,936
Admit it,
you just like
looking hot.
111
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,764
I get it.
112
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,592
I got sent home
by the principal
113
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,986
for wearing a blouse
that was too revealing.
114
00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:53,467
Really?
What grade were you in?
115
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,947
All of 'em.
116
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:57,732
[ knocks on door ]
117
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,652
All right, freeze.
118
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,871
What is she doing wearing
your old wedding dress?
119
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:09,831
We're doing "Chicago"
and I'm going to be
a chorus girl.
120
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:12,224
- [ exhales sharply ]
- Mom said it was okay.
121
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:17,839
- I can't believe this.
- What, that our little girl's
growing up?
122
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,971
No, that I have to go
to a musical.
123
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:23,323
- Jen, let me
ask you something.
- Hmm.
124
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,194
How did you know
I was cheating?
125
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:29,024
I walked in on you
in that hotel room
in Atlanta.
126
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:32,375
And you said she was
a physical therapist,
but I didn't buy it.
127
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,377
Because you had
a gut feeling, right?
128
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:36,988
Because you had
your penis inside her.
129
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:40,557
Right. Again,
so sorry about all that.
130
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:44,648
Well, Jen, I've got
a gut feeling about Sean.
131
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:47,608
- He's cheating?
- I think so.
132
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:51,089
Oh, my God.
What did you see?
133
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:54,223
- Was he kissing someone?
- Well, no, no.
134
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:55,746
Her shoulder kind of
135
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,445
brushed up
against his shoulder.
136
00:05:58,488 --> 00:05:59,924
And then what happened?
137
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:02,144
That-- that was about it,
138
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:04,276
but that--
that was enough.
139
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,365
Damn it.
140
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,193
That lying, cheating
shoulder-brusher.
141
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:11,371
- You're not taking me
seriously, are you?
- No, I am not.
142
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:15,113
Charlie, you have had it out
for this guy from day one.
143
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,028
Get out!
144
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:19,117
I'm only telling you this
because I care about you.
145
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,815
Get out!
146
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,338
Jen, I know cheating.
147
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,949
If it walks like a Charlie
and talks like a Charlie,
148
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:26,908
it's screwing somebody--
149
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:29,824
- [ knocks on door ]
- Who is it?
150
00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:33,784
- Patrick: It's us.
- Prove you're not the robbers.
151
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,830
Ed:
You're an idiot.
152
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,137
Robbers wouldn't know that.
153
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:44,534
- Thanks for coming, guys.
- Oh, my God.
154
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,406
They really did
take everything.
155
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,799
I'm so sorry, Nolan.
156
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,845
Did you write a list
for the police?
157
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,890
Yeah, right here.
158
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,373
TV, PlayStation...
159
00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:00,158
okay,
where's the rest?
160
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:01,551
That was it.
161
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:04,685
You're telling me
that's all they took?
162
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,949
This is how you live?
163
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:10,865
What about your furniture?
Where'd you sit?
164
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:13,258
Oh, my God.
They took my milk crate, too.
165
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:18,307
Well, at least
they didn't take the thing
I care about the most.
166
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,570
Turtle.
167
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,704
Turtle the parakeet?
168
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,749
Turtle's great.
He keeps me company.
169
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,795
Sometimes I feel
like he's the only one
who listens
170
00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:29,753
- without interrupting--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it.
171
00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:33,496
Look, what do you need
from us?
172
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,802
I don't know.
173
00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:37,326
Can you just hang
for a while?
174
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,589
I'm a little nervous
to be here alone.
175
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,069
Sure.
176
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:43,811
If they come back,
we'll be prepared.
177
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,379
Wow.
Is that real?
178
00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:49,251
Sure, it's real.
179
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:50,905
Feel how heavy that is.
180
00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:53,821
Ed, what the hell
are you thinking?!
181
00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:55,692
Did you have a gun
182
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,825
in my apartment
this whole time?!
183
00:07:57,868 --> 00:08:00,567
No.
I had three guns.
184
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:03,657
Look at me,
I'm in a John Woo movie.
[ mimics gunshots ]
185
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,876
Hey, give me that.
186
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:10,098
Patrick, there is
nothing wrong with guns.
187
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:13,623
If somebody breaks
into your home,
188
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:16,104
what are you gonna do,
their hair?
189
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,888
No.
190
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,586
Bang!
Too late,
I shot ya.
191
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,022
- No, I would--
- Bang!
192
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:24,504
I shot you again.
You're dead.
Stop moving.
193
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,898
So without
any real evidence,
194
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,858
you told Jen
her boyfriend's cheating?
195
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:31,946
I had the "Blink" instinct.
196
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,817
Oh, that's different.
197
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:36,080
I read that book
and it's true.
198
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:38,648
I can walk into a bar
and instantly spot
199
00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:40,258
every single woman
200
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:43,131
who's not gonna
wanna sleep with me.
201
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:46,003
So you mean
"every single woman"?
202
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,616
- [ knocks on door ]
- Sean: Hey, Charlie,
203
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,532
why don't you come
open the door so I can
kick your ass?
204
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,838
- You better get outta here.
I gotta deal with this guy.
- Are you sure?
205
00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:58,538
My "Blink" instinct
tells me this guy wants
to kick your ass.
206
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:00,844
Don't worry.
He's not gonna hurt me.
207
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,020
He lives off Jen
and Jen lives off me.
208
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,153
If he kills me,
he'll starve to death.
209
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,155
- See ya.
- All right.
210
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,291
Hi. What's going on?
211
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:14,989
You lying son of a bitch.
212
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,381
You told Jen
213
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:18,862
that I was cheating on her
and she kicked me out.
214
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:21,343
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
She didn't believe me.
215
00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:23,954
So if she kicked you out,
that's from something she
found out on her own.
216
00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:26,304
She found a couple of calls
that I made to Lacey.
217
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,306
I knew it!
The shoulder bump.
218
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,309
I was calling Lacey
219
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:32,833
because she has
club connections
220
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,878
and that's
my industry, dude.
221
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,751
I'm busting my ass
to try and get a job.
222
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,317
Spinning an excuse
223
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,406
to cover your tracks
and look like a hero.
224
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:43,191
Cheating technique
number one.
225
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:47,108
Look, you are talking
to a former professional
cheater.
226
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,892
Really,
what happened?
227
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:51,895
It got in your way
of your new career as
a full-time douchebag?
228
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:53,941
Accusing the accuser?
229
00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:55,377
You bore me, son.
230
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:56,857
Oh, and by the way,
231
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,815
consoling
a newly divorced
friend...
232
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,382
I invented that.
233
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,819
The divorce rate in the '90s
was like a gift to me.
234
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:05,430
All right.
That was a lie.
235
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:06,867
Because I was on
a job interview.
236
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,912
Why would you lie about
being on a job interview?
237
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,958
Because it was
the 15th job interview
238
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,655
I've been on
in the last month.
239
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,353
And every time that I fail,
I have to see my girlfriend
240
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:16,833
pretend like
she's not disappointed,
241
00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:19,140
but I can see it
in her eyes.
242
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:20,924
And then when you look
in the garbage
243
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,926
and you see a cupcake
with "Congratulations"
244
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:25,059
written on the top of it...
245
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,713
you don't eat that cupcake.
You know why?
246
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,323
Because it was touching
247
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:31,021
an old Q-tip
and a banana peel?
248
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,241
Because you feel like dirt.
249
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:36,026
And you feel like
you don't deserve a cupcake.
250
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,898
Cheating technique
number two:
251
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:40,683
[ mimics crying ]
the sob story.
252
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,685
Nice try,
but it's not
gonna work on me.
253
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:45,122
Especially when I can call
Lacey right now and find out
the truth.
254
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,950
- Call her.
- I will.
255
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:52,042
- [ cell phone rings, beeps ]
- Oh, hey, Charlie.
256
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:54,915
- Can you talk?
- Yeah, I'm not doing anything.
257
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,612
Oh, and I took your advice.
258
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,093
I'm hand-free.
Super safe.
259
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,878
- [ horn honks ]
- One lane, Grandma.
I'm doing my eyes.
260
00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:04,576
Lacey, I need you
to tell me the truth.
261
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,143
Are you and Sean
having a relationship?
262
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:08,015
Hot Sean from the group?
263
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,712
Yes, Lacey,
264
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,193
"hot Sean from the group."
265
00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:14,935
No. I'm just helping him
find a job,
266
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,893
you know,
because I care about people.
267
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:19,896
- [ horn honks ]
- Walk faster, you fat ass.
268
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:23,552
Lacey, you've never
lied to me before,
so if you tell me
269
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:26,076
there's nothing
going on with you and Sean,
I will believe you.
270
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,383
Of course not
'cause that would be
against the rules.
271
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:29,993
I mean, you've still got
that rule, right?
272
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,081
'Cause if you don't have
that rule, then--
273
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,866
I still got the rule!
274
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:36,130
I'm sorry to bother you.
I'll see you in group.
Bye-bye.
275
00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:37,131
God.
276
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,963
So, uh,
what technique
277
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:45,748
do you call it
when you find out that
I was telling the truth?
278
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,969
Technique 14b:
279
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:52,059
where the accuser realizes
that he was wrong all along
280
00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:53,974
and should've minded
his own business.
281
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,453
Huh.
282
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:58,152
So...
283
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:01,111
♪ Someone deserves
a cupcake. ♪
284
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:05,463
[ knocks on door ]
285
00:12:05,507 --> 00:12:07,857
Go away, you lying,
cheating piece of crap!
286
00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:11,905
It's Charlie.
287
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:13,515
Oh.
288
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:15,952
Well, then,
it still applies.
289
00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:17,649
I hate you all.
290
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:21,871
Look,
I know you're upset,
291
00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:24,961
but I'm gonna tell you
something that's gonna
make you very, very angry.
292
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:27,703
And then
I'm gonna kill you.
293
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,923
But wait,
there's more.
294
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:32,795
I'm also gonna tell you
something that's gonna
make you very, very happy.
295
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:36,320
So why don't we
just focus on the happy
and blow off the rest?
296
00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:38,758
- What is it?
- Remember that stupid thing
I told you about Sean?
297
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:40,585
He was all, you know,
cheating and everything.
298
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,109
Well, guess what.
299
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:44,502
Turns out, I goofed.
300
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:45,895
And a goof doesn't
sound so bad, right?
301
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:48,463
So he wasn't cheating?
302
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,726
Actually, I found out that
he was going out at night
303
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,555
trying to get a job at a club
and Lacey was helping.
304
00:12:53,598 --> 00:12:55,209
I'm sorry.
305
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,994
I kicked him
out of the house
all because of you?
306
00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,561
Yes.
307
00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:02,433
That's the great news!
Congratulations!
308
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,697
Hi, babe.
309
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,569
Perfect timing.
310
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,614
Babe, why did you
bring me flowers?
311
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,878
- I'm the one who was wrong.
- No, babe.
312
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:14,532
I know how bad you felt when
you thought I cheated on you
313
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:16,447
and I don't ever
want you to go through
something like that.
314
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:19,668
I should have just told you
where I was in the first place.
315
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:22,149
Oh, babe.
316
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:27,458
Oh.
317
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,810
[ moans ]
318
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,899
All right, well,
I'm gonna...
319
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,120
just gonna...
320
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,125
Unless, of course,
you guys need anything.
321
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,648
Nothing at all?
322
00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:44,911
You're both good?
Awesome.
323
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,526
Gin. I win.
324
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:54,050
Seems a little unfair
you won't teach us the rules.
325
00:13:57,488 --> 00:13:59,142
Does anybody
want anything to eat?
326
00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:00,578
I'm going to the bedroom.
327
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,929
Why do you keep food
in the bedroom?
328
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,887
Why do I sleep
in the kitchen?
329
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,628
I like to mix it up.
330
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,329
Should we be worried
about Nolan?
331
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,809
I mean, I had no idea
he was living
332
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,593
in such abject poverty
333
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,813
with only
a bird to talk to.
334
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,859
Are you kidding me?
335
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,295
When I was his age,
336
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:23,819
I was sloshing through
the jungle dodging enemy fire
337
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,823
with nothing
but a necklace of ears
to talk to.
338
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,653
Which is why this baby
is my best friend.
339
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:34,917
Ed, would you please
put that thing back
in your...
340
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,832
belt bag.
341
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,791
It's called a holster,
Patrick.
342
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,924
And if you knew
anything about guns,
343
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:45,014
you would know
that they don't
go off randomly.
344
00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:47,538
They can't be fired
if the safety's on
345
00:14:47,582 --> 00:14:50,498
or if the clip is out.
346
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,849
Here.
Hold it.
347
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:57,940
I will hold it
this one time.
348
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:01,813
Just to say that I--
349
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,084
Oh, my God.
I killed his bird.
350
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:15,436
Oops.
351
00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:18,918
Must have been one left
in the chamber.
352
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,224
Why does that
always happen?
353
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,096
Are the robbers back?!
354
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:25,794
Uh, yeah,
they did a drive-by.
355
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:28,492
We're okay, but I think
your bird got winged.
356
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,150
Oh, man.
357
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,891
I am so sorry, Nolan.
358
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,501
I was holding the gun
359
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:40,113
and it just went off.
360
00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:41,766
I'll never forgive myself.
361
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:44,204
Poor little guy.
362
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:52,821
[ stapler clicks ]
363
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,344
There.
364
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:55,867
Good as new.
365
00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:00,002
Honey, you can't staple
a bird back to life.
366
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,657
Sure, you can.
Turtle's been dead
for 10 years.
367
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,485
He was my best friend,
368
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:06,530
so I had him stuffed.
369
00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:10,056
I'm scared.
I wanna go home.
370
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,886
Thank you for taking me
out to dinner, Charlie.
371
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,497
Are you kidding me?
372
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,890
After everything
I put you through,
it's the least I can do.
373
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:20,414
I'm just glad
she took you back.
374
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,503
Yeah, the last few days
have been great.
375
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,287
The first night
she felt bad,
376
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,768
we had some of the most
amazing makeup...
377
00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:28,770
conversation that
I have ever had.
378
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,686
I could barely talk
the next day.
379
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,995
So you boys
ready to order?
380
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,040
Yes, I am.
381
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,608
I think I'm gonna do
the prime rib.
382
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,088
Maybe two.
383
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,481
I had a boyfriend
who ate two prime ribs once.
384
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:47,006
Of course,
he was getting executed
the next morning.
385
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,444
Can I have
one more minute, please?
386
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:52,315
That's the last thing
he said.
387
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,754
- Hi, Lace.
- Hey, Charlie.
388
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:59,714
Hey, Sean.
What's going on?
389
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,933
I just wanted to buy
you both a drink
390
00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:04,153
and apologize to you guys
for accusing you of
sleeping together.
391
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,417
Thanks, but not necessary.
392
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,028
No, no.
393
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:11,769
I owe you
an explanation.
394
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,728
I overreacted because
395
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:16,035
Sean's been living
with my ex-wife.
396
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:19,951
Oh, really?
397
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,953
You're living
with Charlie's ex-wife?
398
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:24,913
Did I not mention that
while we were talking
about clubs?
399
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:28,525
You son of a bitch.
400
00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:31,659
But you guys aren't
seeing each other, Lacey.
401
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,008
Why would you be so upset?
402
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,446
Because I've been
screwing him for two weeks.
403
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:39,971
Charlie: Oh, wow.
404
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,973
This may be
a little awkward,
405
00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:43,801
but wanna join us
for dinner?
406
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:48,023
Gut instinct.
407
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,894
The flowers,
the candy,
408
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:52,984
you were showing up
with way too much stuff
for a guy who was innocent.
409
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,160
All right.
410
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:57,076
My love for Jen
is so strong that I got--
411
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,599
[ mimics buzzer ]
Not good enough.
412
00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:00,296
Okay. All right.
[ chuckles ]
413
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:03,256
This is really--
this is hard for me
to admit, okay?
414
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,909
It is.
415
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:07,216
I don't believe that anybody
could love me unconditionally.
416
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,958
- [ mimics buzzer ]
- I'm a sex addict.
417
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:12,526
- [ mimics buzzer ]
- My babysitter touched me.
418
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,832
[ mimics buzzer ]
419
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:18,619
The correct answer is...
I'm leaving town.
420
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,711
- [ knocks on door ]
- Come in.
421
00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:25,669
[ music playing on TV ]
422
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:34,939
Okay.
423
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:36,724
You're watching
old movies,
424
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:39,118
eating ice cream,
425
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,076
drinking bourbon,
426
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,034
and cutting up
old pictures of Sean.
427
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:44,775
I know already.
428
00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:46,908
Lacey called me
to apologize.
429
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:49,302
So you're doing
every cliché,
430
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:51,347
brokenhearted girl
ritual at once?
431
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,567
Yes, but I'm not
feeling any better yet.
432
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:56,613
I gotta find a way
to speed this up.
433
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,053
A bourbon float.
434
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:05,100
That'll be perfect
at birthday parties
for alcoholic kids.
435
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:10,627
Sweetie, alcohol
and ice cream are not
gonna solve your problems.
436
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,631
Holy crap,
that's good.
437
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:18,592
You need to get away
and go somewhere.
438
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:21,464
[ crying ]
I don't have any money.
439
00:19:21,508 --> 00:19:23,205
It'll be my treat.
440
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:24,467
Okay.
441
00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,513
I've always wanted
to go to Italy.
442
00:19:30,647 --> 00:19:33,476
I was thinking more
the DoubleTree in
Palm Springs.
443
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,609
They give you a cookie
at check-in.
444
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:40,657
Hey, she's back.
445
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:42,746
What's with leaving
the front door open?
446
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:44,835
What is a door, anyway?
447
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:47,969
My heart's open,
my mind's open,
my door's open.
448
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:50,406
It's all the same thing,
you know what I mean?
449
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:52,060
No, no one does.
450
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:57,021
I just feel so enlightened
after the weekend
in the desert.
451
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,632
Thank you
for sending me away.
452
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:00,808
So I take it you had
a good time in Palm Springs.
453
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:02,636
Mm. That kinda sucked,
454
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,725
but I met these
super-cool people.
455
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:07,293
So I jumped in their van
and spent the weekend
at Burning Man.
456
00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:10,078
Wow. Well, at least
you came back with
a cool story.
457
00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:12,254
Oh, I came back
with more than that.
458
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,038
Hey, beautiful.
459
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:17,041
I made some kind, vegan
grilled cheese sandwiches.
460
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:19,870
Blessing, friend.
461
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:26,703
- Hugs are free.
- Yeah, so are not hugs.
462
00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:28,662
This is my
ex-husband Charlie.
463
00:20:28,705 --> 00:20:30,316
Charlie,
this is Canvas.
464
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,493
- Canvas.
- I'm open to interpretation.
465
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:36,060
Yeah, I get it.
I know what a canvas is.
466
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:38,889
Such a playful spirit
he has.
467
00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:41,675
Ooh, I made some
Superfood goji berry
lemonade.
468
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:44,155
- I'll go get it.
- Okay.
469
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,335
What is that?
470
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,250
I'll tell you
what that is.
471
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,816
That's sweet.
472
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:55,558
That's considerate.
That's honest.
473
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:58,169
Yeah, but don't you think
he's maybe a little bit...
474
00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:01,564
Young, hot, and stupid?
Yeah, and I'm okay with that.
475
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:04,959
In fact, I'm looking forward
to it two, maybe three
times a day.
476
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,876
Well, as a person
who's been guilty of
477
00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:11,313
young, hot,
and stupid...
have fun.
35057
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