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1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:05,135
All I'm saying is that
when you take a creature
into your home
2
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,616
and you feed it
and you clean up after it,
3
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,835
you don't expect him
to bark at you
4
00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,359
every time you
walk in the door.
5
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:13,404
Okay, first of all,
the creature has a name.
6
00:00:13,448 --> 00:00:15,363
It's Ed.
7
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:19,410
And vegetarian risotto
is not feeding me.
8
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:21,760
A meal has meat.
9
00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:25,764
That's why meat and meal
are practically the same word.
10
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:28,463
You should be thankful
I'm feeding you at all.
11
00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:31,074
The only thing I did
was make you think you
won the lottery.
12
00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:32,771
I didn't think
you were gonna leave
13
00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:35,078
the woman you were with
for over 40 years.
14
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,080
That's because
you never met her.
15
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,777
Hold on, guys.
Hold on.
16
00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:41,780
Even a snake and a mongoose
can be taught to get along.
17
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:44,087
Of course, they don't have
to share a toilet.
18
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,090
Ed, how fast can you
get back with your wife?
19
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:49,092
I don't know.
I gotta get back
in my own bed.
20
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:51,399
My insomnia's
acting up again.
21
00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:52,922
Have you tried watching
a little TV before bed?
22
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:54,184
I don't know why
he'd have a little TV
23
00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:56,621
when the big ones
are so cheap now.
24
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,842
I usually watch TV
before bed,
25
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:02,845
but-- get this--
"Gaybraham Lincoln" here
26
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,107
doesn't have
a television.
27
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:07,023
And, frankly,
I couldn't be happier.
28
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,200
Now I'm reading
and thinking...
29
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:13,116
Well, why don't you read
the ads in the Sunday paper
30
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,423
and think about
buying a television?
31
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,122
Oops, I thought
you guys were done.
32
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:22,517
I'll just be
in the kitchen, Charlie.
33
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,649
Well, we're running over anyway.
What do you say we wrap it up?
34
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:26,347
See you guys on Tuesday.
35
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:30,394
Ed, Patrick, try
to be more patient
with each other.
36
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:33,397
So, like, how do you keep up
with the Kardashians
37
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:36,313
without watching
"Keeping up with
the Kardashians"?
38
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:38,794
'Cause I'm keeping up
with Voltaire.
39
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:41,144
Is he the pool boy
on "Real Housewives"?
40
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,625
Yes.
41
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,107
Voltaire, one of
the greatest writers
of all time,
42
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:52,024
is the pool boy
on "Real Housewives."
43
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:55,550
Well, I guess everybody
just wants to be on TV.
44
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:03,253
So, where's
your new boyfriend?
45
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,777
At home,
naked in your bed?
46
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:08,171
Rolling around
in my alimony money?
47
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,694
No, we did that
the other night.
48
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:12,262
Tonight, we're using it
to make a papier-mâché piñata
49
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:15,700
shaped like a jackass,
but we'll need your picture.
50
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:19,051
Jen, Sean's got no job.
He lives in your house.
He eats your food.
51
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:21,228
He's using you.
He's a sponge.
52
00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:24,013
He's "Sponge Sean
No Moneypants."
53
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,712
No, you're wrong,
Charlie.
54
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,584
Sean is kind
and considerate.
55
00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:32,935
And I'll tell you
more about him on the way
to bail him out of jail.
56
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:35,155
- He's in jail?
- It was not his fault.
57
00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:38,158
We took the subway
to the Long Beach Aquarium,
58
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:40,899
some guy grabbed my ass,
and he punched him
59
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,510
in front of
an undercover cop.
60
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,773
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Something's not adding up.
61
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:46,078
Charlie, he was
just defending me.
62
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:47,993
You would've done
the same thing.
63
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,734
No, not that.
64
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:52,259
There's a subway
in Los Angeles?
65
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,739
Yes, LA has a subway.
66
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,741
Do other people
know about this?
67
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:59,048
[ theme music playing ]
68
00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:06,142
[ groans ]
Dude, thank you for
bailing me out of jail
69
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,231
and for picking up the tab
at the drive-through.
70
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,624
My pleasure.
71
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:10,886
You know, I've never
seen any one person
72
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,409
spend more than 20 bucks
at a McDonald's.
73
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:14,237
Impressive.
74
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,674
I don't understand
what happened.
75
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,154
I mean, everything's
only a dollar.
76
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,504
You ordered 20 things.
77
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,550
You really don't
understand what happened?
78
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:25,857
I gotta be honest.
I don't understand
anything anymore.
79
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:27,076
I mean, come on.
80
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:28,077
Why'd I have to
go to jail?
81
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,644
I barely hit the guy.
82
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,385
How was I supposed to know
he would drop with one punch?
83
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:33,865
Yeah, the little ones
go down pretty easy.
84
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:36,390
He was,
like, 6'5", 260.
85
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,392
Nerds come in
all shapes and sizes.
86
00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:40,959
You know what I found out
after the fact?
87
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:42,744
He used to be a linebacker
for the Chargers.
88
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:44,572
Hmm. White guy,
though, right?
89
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:45,616
Black guy.
90
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,749
- Light-skinned?
- Charlie!
91
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,274
Look, I know I shouldn't
have hit him, all right?
92
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,623
But he insulted Jen.
93
00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:54,190
Come on. What would
you have done?
94
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,409
I woulda told him that
what he did was wrong
95
00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:56,584
and then disengaged.
96
00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:59,369
[ chuckles ]
Yeah, chicks dig that.
97
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,545
You know what chicks
really dig?
98
00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:03,330
Guys who
aren't in jail.
99
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:05,157
You smell like French fries
and crime, dude.
100
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,072
Take a shower.
101
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,640
They're not fries,
they're nuggets.
102
00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:11,294
I got a bag of 'em
in my pocket
103
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,122
and I am gonna
eat 'em later.
104
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:15,429
[ laughs ]
Burn.
105
00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:23,393
I just don't like him.
106
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:28,006
Well, you were sweet
to bail him out.
107
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:30,792
And I'm afraid the favors
don't stop there.
108
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:34,709
The court says he has to go
to anger management therapy.
109
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:35,797
Forget it, Jen.
110
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,539
Please, Charlie.
Do this for me.
111
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,323
He doesn't have
an anger problem,
112
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,194
so he doesn't need to
talk about his childhood
113
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:45,067
with one of those
court-ordered douchebags.
114
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:48,288
Hey, I'm one of those
court-ordered douchebags.
115
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:51,813
Wow, I really am bad
at asking for favors.
116
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:58,994
Will you look at that.
My connection's way
stronger now.
117
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:01,213
First throw.
118
00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:04,216
Who lands a Frisbee on
the roof on their first throw?
119
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,784
A guy who wants to learn
to toss a Frisbee
120
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:09,221
so he can meet girls
in the park.
121
00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:12,573
Well, screaming like one
when it lands on the roof
is not gonna help.
122
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,315
Dad's right.
You're hopeless.
123
00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:19,319
Is this how you guys
talk about me when
I'm not here?
124
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:20,537
Yes.
125
00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,149
Well, thanks for getting
my Internet working again.
126
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:26,456
I will see you
Thursday for dinner.
127
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,980
And by the way,
I recorded your call
128
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,634
for quality purposes, too.
129
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,201
And you did great.
130
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:38,076
Wait, you're dating a woman
you met on a tech support call?
131
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,382
She was very nice.
132
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,384
She doubled the speed
of my DSL...
133
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:45,083
and tested it by sending
me some surprisingly
quick-loading videos.
134
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,737
That's not fair.
135
00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:49,218
You just break up with Kate
and you're already dating.
136
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,350
Yep, I'm back in.
137
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:51,742
I've been back in
for three years
138
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:53,657
and no one cares.
139
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,268
I'm this close
to getting a billboard.
140
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:59,184
Well, don't use
your profile picture
from Facebook.
141
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:00,447
You look crazy.
142
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,840
I'm trying to smile
like I know a secret.
143
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,497
Is the secret
that you're crazy?
144
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,674
[ paper crinkling ]
145
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,415
- Hey, Sean.
- Hey, Charlie.
146
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,199
Glad you could make it.
147
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:17,246
Please take a seat
on the couch over here
with Ed and Patrick.
148
00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:18,508
I was gonna watch
some videos during group.
149
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,118
Can I get your
Wi-Fi password?
150
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,337
My password, sure.
151
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,078
It's notonyourfrickinlife,
all one word.
152
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,516
Look, if you're gonna
be here, you have
to participate.
153
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,475
[ sighs ]
I thought this was gonna
be like traffic school.
154
00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:29,737
I could show up,
sit in the back,
155
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,087
watch a couple car crash
movies, go home.
156
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,305
It's a little
different here.
157
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:34,742
There aren't
so many car crashes
158
00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,483
as there are, you know,
train wrecks.
159
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:39,181
Hi, I'm Lacey.
160
00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:41,705
- Who are you?
- All aboard.
161
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,577
I'm Sean, hi.
162
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,840
Look at you.
If I'd known
you were coming,
163
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,494
I woulda worn
nicer clothes.
164
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:51,193
Or fewer clothes.
It's really your
preference.
165
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:55,980
Everyone,
this is Sean.
166
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,242
He's gonna be joining us
for the next six weeks
167
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:59,810
because of a little
nudge from the judge.
168
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:03,161
[ laughs ]
What'd you do, Sean?
169
00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:06,600
Uh, fight on the subway.
That's it.
170
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:10,168
And they sent you here
all the way from New York?
171
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:13,215
Apparently, there's
a subway in L.A.
172
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:15,086
Well, I don't know how
we're supposed to be honest
173
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:18,568
when our therapist
makes up crazy stories.
174
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,135
[ sighs ]
175
00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:22,442
Anyway, why don't we start
where we left off last week?
176
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,139
Ed, how's it going
over at Patrick's?
177
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:27,316
Lousy. I'm still
not sleeping.
178
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,666
William "Shakesqueere"
over here...
179
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,669
still thinks he's
too sophisticated
180
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,366
to buy a television.
181
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:37,587
Yeah, well, maybe
you should read a book
for once in your life.
182
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:41,678
Ralph...
"Baldo" Emerson.
183
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,942
How do you come up
with those so fast?
184
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,380
Listen, guys, guys.
We've talked about this.
185
00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:50,818
- You gotta find a way--
- [ imitating music beat ]
186
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,602
Sean.
187
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,256
Sean!
188
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,692
Yeah?
189
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:58,652
Sorry to interrupt your
Top 10 Bitchin' Bro Jams...
190
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,046
we're trying to have
therapy here.
191
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:03,308
I gotta be honest, man.
192
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:04,832
I don't really care
about their problems.
193
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,181
I don't know
any of these people.
194
00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:07,748
I know, right?
195
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:10,968
Well, you might want
to start caring
196
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,188
because one phone call from me
to your probation officer
197
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:14,798
and you go to jail.
198
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:17,322
God, why are you being
so mean to him?
199
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:19,411
Can't you see
he's clearly handsome?
200
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:23,851
I don't remember her name,
but she's very observant.
201
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:26,462
It's Lacey.
202
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,595
Like my underwear.
203
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:36,080
All right, all right,
that's enough.
204
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:38,561
You either participate
or you're out.
205
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:41,390
Listen, if you wanna
call my probation officer,
206
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,087
do it, all right?
Call him.
207
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,568
Better yet, maybe I should
just find a different
therapist.
208
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:48,832
I think that's exactly
what you should do.
209
00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:51,400
- There's the door.
- Oh, great.
210
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:53,141
That thing over there?
Perfect.
211
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:56,492
If you hadn't told me,
I would've just wandered
around here for days.
212
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,843
[ giggles ]
He's so funny.
213
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:02,193
By the way,
I hacked into your Wi-Fi.
214
00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:05,414
Uh, so everybody knows,
his super cool password...
215
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:07,329
therapystud47.
216
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,597
I know it sounds like
an amazing coincidence,
217
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:17,295
but that password
came with the router.
218
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:24,607
Come on, puree
one time for Daddy.
219
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,783
- [ clicks ]
- [ whirring ]
220
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:31,919
Ed, it's 3:00 in the morning.
What the hell are you doing?
221
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:33,616
Trying to make
a milk shake,
222
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,750
but first I had to fix
your stupid blender.
223
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,621
Have you ever
connected the dots
224
00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:40,623
between milk shakes
in the middle of the night
225
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,887
and your current
silhouette?
226
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:46,411
When I was at home,
my wife would get up
227
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,326
when I couldn't sleep
and make me a milk shake
228
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,372
and we'd sit on the sofa
and rub each other's feet
229
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:53,027
while we watch TV
till we fell asleep.
230
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,595
Yeah, ain't gonna happen.
231
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:56,944
I wasn't asking.
232
00:09:56,987 --> 00:10:00,208
[ sighs ]
What are we
going to do, Ed?
233
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:03,080
How are we gonna
get you home?
234
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,647
I don't know.
It was a bad fight.
235
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,257
I said some awful things.
236
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:07,694
Like what?
237
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:09,521
Well, like she should
burn in hell
238
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:12,568
like every meal
she ever cooked for me.
239
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,049
- Ouch.
- Yep.
240
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:18,008
I told Mark that
I hated his cooking, too.
241
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:20,054
I mean, if you're gonna
kill animals for food,
242
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:22,404
at least marinate
them properly.
243
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:25,494
And then I told him
I hated his mustache.
244
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:29,411
Weird, I told my wife
the same thing.
245
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:33,197
Well, would you like me
to make you a milk shake?
246
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:35,156
I'd like that.
247
00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:36,548
Then I'll tell you
the story about
248
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:39,769
the horrible cruise
I took with my wife.
249
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:40,988
What was so horrible?
250
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:43,425
I told you,
I was with my wife.
251
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,429
Think of the Internet
as a freeway.
252
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:50,475
Now, your old DSL only had
four lanes open to traffic,
253
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:53,391
but with
the new bandwidth,
it's like having 12.
254
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,872
Were you talking this way
last night at dinner?
255
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:59,397
I don't know.
I was pretty buzzed.
256
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:00,921
Oh.
257
00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:04,489
Mimosa?
258
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,578
Sure.
259
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,712
I really
like this shirt.
260
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,279
Can I keep it?
261
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:14,499
After last night,
you can keep the house.
262
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,287
I just want you to know,
I have never dated anybody
263
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:20,810
I met during
a tech support call,
264
00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,856
but I am really glad
your computer went.
265
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,509
[ doorbell rings ]
266
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,598
I'm sorry, I'm going to
have to put you on hold
for a minute.
267
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:29,210
Please stand by.
Your booty call is
very important to us.
268
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,432
[ doorbell rings ]
269
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:35,564
Coming.
270
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,656
- Hey.
- Oh, it's you.
271
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,440
Look, I have a tech person
in the kitchen
272
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:45,095
and they're not gonna leave
until I'm 100% satisfied
with the service.
273
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:47,097
You banging
the computer girl?
274
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:48,229
- Pretty much.
- Right.
275
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,666
Look, I'll make
it quick, all right?
276
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:54,104
Uh, I'm really sorry
about yesterday.
277
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,063
What I did was stupid
and I would appreciate it
278
00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:57,412
if you'd let me
come back to the group.
279
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,109
Not gonna happen, dude.
280
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:00,545
You're not capable
of taking the process
seriously.
281
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:02,069
Try me.
282
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:04,941
All right, why'd you hit
that guy in the subway?
283
00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:07,030
[ scoffs ]
Because he grabbed
Jen's ass
284
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:09,293
and he said some crap
and I decked him.
285
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:10,642
That's-- I told you
that already.
286
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:11,774
What did he say?
287
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,995
[ sighs ]
He called me a boy toy.
288
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:16,997
He what?
289
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,346
He saw Jen give me
a couple bucks
290
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:19,826
and he called me
a boy toy, all right?
291
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,351
Look, I just--
I have some stuff in my past
292
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:24,526
that I haven't shared
with anybody
293
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,354
and I'm a little
sensitive about it.
294
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:27,877
Like what, were you,
like, a--
295
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:30,053
[ chuckles ]
like, a male hooker
or something?
296
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:33,013
Holy crap,
you were.
297
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,798
Charlie, are you
gonna be a while?
298
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,582
Yes.
299
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,672
By the way, the term
is escort, all right?
300
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:42,457
Ladies, they don't
order hookers.
301
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,241
They order escorts.
302
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:47,114
Well, sure,
thenit's classy.
303
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:49,638
So can I come back
to the group?
304
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:52,467
- Yes.
- Thank you.
305
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,121
It's 100 bucks
a session,
306
00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,949
but no kissing
on the mouth.
307
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,039
I'm sorry,
I couldn't resist.
308
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:07,656
- [ monitor beeping ]
- [ sighs ]
309
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,005
We should stop them,
Charlie.
310
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,528
This won't be usable
in the study.
311
00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,617
It is not representative
of married sex.
312
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,315
Why, because they're
enjoying themselves?
313
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:15,577
[ sighs ]
Please.
314
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100
They're putting on
a show for us.
315
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,624
This guy's flapping around
like one of those
316
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:22,584
inflatable wind men
outside a used car lot.
317
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:24,629
[ imitates wind blowing ]
318
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,242
Really?
319
00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,853
Nothing
for the wind guy?
320
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,942
I'm sorry. I'm a little
distracted right now.
321
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:34,335
What's going on?
322
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,293
I've got this really heavy
piece of information
323
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:38,556
about a guy who's living
with a woman I know
324
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,123
and I absolutely
cannot tell you.
325
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,908
Well, that's your call.
326
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:45,259
When Jen's boyfriend
was in his 20s, he was
a male prostitute.
327
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,956
There, you happy you
squeezed it out of me?
328
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,742
Wow. But if it was
that long ago,
329
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,614
I don't see why
you're so concerned.
330
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:55,051
Because he's showing
he has no problem living
off money from women.
331
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:57,619
He's doing the same thing
with Jen right now.
332
00:13:57,662 --> 00:13:59,664
I can't tell her 'cause of
patient confidentiality.
333
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:00,840
Well, Jen's
a smart woman.
334
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:02,493
She'll figure it out
eventually.
335
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,452
You think?
336
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,715
Did I ever tell you
that she once asked me
if wrestling was real?
337
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,630
High school wrestling.
338
00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:11,502
Or she may not.
339
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:12,634
But you can't tell her.
340
00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:14,854
It would be completely
unprofessional.
341
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,464
Says the woman who
screams out "Yahtzee!"
342
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,727
when her test subjects
are done having sex.
343
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:21,817
That's different.
Soundproof glass.
344
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,558
Well, she's gotta
find out somehow.
345
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:24,646
Ah, be careful, Charlie.
346
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,648
The APA takes
that stuff seriously.
347
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,606
They're devoted to making
sure that psychologists
348
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:30,521
are held to the highest
standard of ethics.
349
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:33,829
And, Yahtzee.
350
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,526
[ laughs ]
351
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,922
Ta-da.
352
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:43,056
Settle down.
I've already seen
your outfit for today.
353
00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:45,145
No, look.
354
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:47,843
Ta-da.
355
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,453
You bought
a television.
356
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:51,760
Well, you started
closing the bathroom door,
357
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:55,242
so as a thank-you,
I did this.
358
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:58,593
Now you can get
some sleep.
359
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,682
Well, thank you,
Patrick.
360
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:01,857
I'm gonna read a book,
361
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,642
but you feel free
to just give it a whirl.
362
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:06,166
[ TV powers on ]
363
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:07,645
Man on TV:
I ain't here
to make friends.
364
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,430
I'm here
to show the world
365
00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:12,694
that some of the best
fashion ideas come out
of Tuscaloosa.
366
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:16,176
Oh, God.
"Redneck Fabulous."
367
00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:19,222
I used to love
this trash.
368
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:20,963
Woman on TV:
I've seen better clothes
on a train-hoppin' hobo.
369
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,791
- Woman #2: Oh, no, you di'n't.
- Woman: Oh, yes, I di-id.
370
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,488
Man on TV:
Ooh, that's a country
catfight right there.
371
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:25,707
Woman on TV:
Shut your stupid...
372
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,230
I mean, look at them.
373
00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:31,626
Why would people
even waste their time
on this garbage?
374
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,715
I agree.
375
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,413
Why don't we turn this off,
make a couple of milk shakes,
376
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,720
and swap stories
about our exes?
377
00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,417
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
378
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:44,030
[ gasps ]
I can't believe
Jolene is back.
379
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:47,424
And after she spit
on the other Jolene.
380
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:51,951
That bedazzled bolo
is everything.
381
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:56,781
Hey, buddy.
382
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,218
You're the guy who runs
trivia night, right?
383
00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,697
Yeah.
384
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:00,872
What would it take
for you to use
385
00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:02,700
these questions
instead of yours?
386
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:05,181
I'm trying to keep my ex-wife
from making a huge mistake.
387
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,618
Whatever they're paying you
tonight, I'll double it.
388
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:09,403
[ loudly ]
$4,000!
389
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:12,145
- Dude.
- All right.
390
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,974
Two hot dogs
and two beers.
391
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:19,804
- Hey.
- Hey, Jen.
392
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:22,285
Hey, Charlie.
Thanks for inviting me out.
393
00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:24,026
Well, I figured
you might be bored
394
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,941
since Sean's out playing
poker with his buddies.
395
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,769
Oh, by the way,
just so you know,
396
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,423
he's playing
with his own money.
397
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:30,815
Really?
Where'd he get it?
398
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:32,382
Well, he sold me
a couple of his rings
399
00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:33,905
and a vintage guitar.
400
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:36,821
Oh, my God.
You're a pawnshop.
401
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:41,217
Okay, everybody.
It's time for trivia night.
402
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:44,525
Ladies, if you need
some hints, I'm up front.
403
00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,179
Dudes,
not so much.
404
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:48,050
[ laughs ]
I'm kidding.
405
00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,704
Look, I don't mean
to put Sean down,
406
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,662
but what do you really
know about the guy?
407
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,752
I mean, like,
what did he do
in his 20s?
408
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,799
Question one.
"What 1980 crime thriller
409
00:16:57,842 --> 00:17:01,237
stars Richard Gere
and Lauren Hutton?"
410
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:02,934
Oh, I know this one.
411
00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,849
- "Officer
and a Gentleman."
- [ sighs ]
412
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:08,766
No, Jen. It was
"American Gigolo."
413
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,117
Remember, he got paid
to have sex with women?
414
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,727
Maybe it was "Chicago."
415
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:15,295
He was great in that.
416
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:16,818
I don't know,
I didn't see it.
417
00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:20,517
Was he paid to have sex
with women in that one?
418
00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:23,216
No, he tap-danced.
It was wonderful.
419
00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:26,784
Anyway, Sean must have
mentioned something
420
00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:28,090
about his early jobs.
421
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:31,702
Next question.
"What car manufactured by Ford
422
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:34,531
was also released
by Mazda
423
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:37,926
under the name
the 323?"
424
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:40,755
I have no idea.
425
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,279
I know.
It was the Escort.
426
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,499
Maybe it was the Miata.
427
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,588
No, Jen.
It was the Escort.
428
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:48,676
I don't think so.
429
00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,373
Two things
we know for sure.
430
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:54,247
"American Gigolo,"
Escort.
431
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,813
"What Civil War general
432
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,989
is best known
for his stunning defeat
433
00:17:58,033 --> 00:18:00,905
at the Battle of
Chancellorsville in 1863?"
434
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,733
Hooker!
It was Hooker.
435
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:05,910
It's Hooker, "American
Gigolo," Escort.
436
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:07,477
There's a pattern here.
437
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,610
You're babbling.
I'm going to the bathroom.
438
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:13,135
Charlie, hey.
What's up?
439
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:16,443
Hey, Sean, what
are you doing here?
What happened to poker?
440
00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:18,401
It was a rough night.
Took a beating.
441
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:19,750
But then I remembered
you were bringing Jen out
442
00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:22,275
so I figured I'd
come join you guys.
443
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:23,841
Are these your sliders?
Can I have these?
444
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,887
Yeah, sure...
445
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:28,194
if you tell Jen
about the escort thing.
446
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,761
I'm not gonna do that
because that is
ancient history
447
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,894
and I already touched
this slider,
448
00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:34,461
so I'm gonna eat it.
449
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,857
Well, if you don't
tell her, I will.
450
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:42,164
[ chuckles ]
I'm not sure how
you're gonna do that
451
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,384
with patient
confidentiality.
452
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,951
This next question
is a combo.
453
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:50,694
"007 was played
by blank Connery,
454
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:53,219
and what is the world's
oldest profession?
455
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:58,180
Oh, and make it a sentence
by putting 'was a'
456
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:02,010
between 'Sean'
and 'prostitute.'"
457
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,970
What the hell
is your problem?
458
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,798
If I have to make a choice
between protecting a patient
459
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,148
and protecting
the mother of my kid,
460
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,845
she's gonna win
that one every time.
461
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:13,935
You know what?
I haven't done crap
to Jen, all right?
462
00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:15,589
So why don't you
get a life
463
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,068
and stop trying
to make it up to your ex
464
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,896
for being
a cheating douchebag
465
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,289
for so many years,
all right?
466
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:22,117
[ chuckles, grunts ]
467
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,598
- [ thuds ]
- Crowd: Oh!
468
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:29,124
[ sighs ]
What the hell's
wrong with you?
469
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,039
[ together ]
Sorry.
470
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,519
I wasn't
talking to you.
471
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:34,825
[ together ]
Sorry.
472
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:36,697
I'm going home.
473
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:37,915
[ together ]
Drive safe.
474
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,529
This sucks
for you, dude.
475
00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:44,922
Please, you threw
the first punch.
You're going to jail.
476
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:47,316
And when it gets out
that I assaulted a client
and my practice is ruined,
477
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,231
then whose money
are you gonna spend?
478
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:50,711
Bang.
479
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,453
Are you stupid?
480
00:19:53,496 --> 00:19:54,932
You really think that
I'm with Jen for the money?
481
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,586
If that was the case,
don't you think
I'd find a woman
482
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,849
with a more successful
ex-husband?
483
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:02,244
Could you scoot over,
please, so I could elbow
you in the face?
484
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:05,334
Yeah, well, maybe
I'd like to see her
485
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:07,293
with a more
successful boyfriend
486
00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,772
who doesn't blow
all her money on poker.
487
00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:10,383
You're a piece of work.
488
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:11,862
You know what
I did tonight?
489
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:13,516
I won big, all right?
490
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,779
And I lied to you because
I wanted to surprise Jen.
491
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:18,042
There's a pile
of cash sitting on
her kitchen counter.
492
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:21,481
Twice what I owe her.
So, bang.
493
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:26,007
Another damn
trivia fight.
494
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,443
What kind of questions
do they ask
495
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:29,271
that drives you people
to do this?
496
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:32,405
[ sighs ]
Listen, there's no reason
to take us both
497
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:33,536
down to the station,
all right?
498
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:35,886
I-- I attacked him
499
00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,323
and he was just
defending himself.
500
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,412
Really? That saves me
some time.
501
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:42,502
Let me get
those cuffs off.
502
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,155
It sucks
to lose your job.
503
00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:45,461
I don't want to see you
have to go through it.
504
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,158
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
505
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:49,204
- Sean...
- Sean: Do me a favor,
too, by the way.
506
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,947
Could you pick up my tab?
I ordered a bottle of Dom
and some chili fries.
507
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,123
Take him away,
Officer.
38109
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