All language subtitles for Anger.Management.S02E22.Charlie.and.His.New.Friend.With.Benefits.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

My greatest pleasure
is giving my partner
his greatest pleasure,

which is why I keep
a bowl of ice next
to the bed.

Well, that's terrific.

Those are exactly
the kind of details
we need for this study.

Thank you.
That's good stuff,
really good stuff.

- As for me,
my greatest pleasure is--
- That's great, Matt.

You were saying
something about
how you use the ice...

Okay, I think
we're done.

Well, thank you,
Tracy.

You were terrific.
Thank you.

- And Matt.
- Yeah, him, too.

Thanks.

- What a nice couple.
- Oh, please.

The way you were slobbering
over that woman,

it was beyond obvious.

- What?
- Come on, just admit it.
She was hot.

I know.
Smoking hot, right?

What was she doing
with that roast beef sandwich
sitting next to her?

Forget it, Charlie.

- You can't date her anyway.
She's in the study.
- I know that.

Besides,
she's into shallow,
meaningless sex

and that's not you.

You want to find
that special someone

and have
a real relationship
with her.

Oh, that is so not true.

That only applied to you.

For reasons now
I can't seem to recall.

I've always been into
shallow, meaningless sex.

In fact, I used to be
the West Coast distributor
for shallow, meaningless sex.

Yes, Charlie, used to.

But then your supply line
dried up.

All that's left
in the warehouse was love.

Hey, falling for you
was a fluke.

The odds of any man
falling for you again

are astronomical.

Thank you.

No, wait.

Yeah.
Thank you.

- No. Uh-uh.
- No?

They weren't
the best I've seen.

- Hey.
- Hi.

You guys just always
look great.

Did you just get back
from the symphony?

[ scoffs ]
The symphony?

Symphony season
doesn't start for
another two months.

[ both laugh ]

Well, I'm glad
you got my joke.

We just came back
from the opera La Bohème.

- It was so beautiful.
- Well, not the soprano
who played Mimi.

A little hefty
to have tuberculosis,
if you ask me.

- Oh, bad.
- [ laughing ]

Okay. Uh...

you hens gonna have
your usual?

- Yes, thank you.
- Mm.

I'm on it.
Two Ketel One martinis
for Wayland and Madame.

Hey,
when you're done,

can I have a side of fries
and an ice cream sundae?

And a side of fries...

oh, and some ice cream,
please?

I recognize this.

You're either stoned
or pregnant.

Oh, my God.
I hope it's stoned.

- [ laughs ]
- Oh, hey, Patrick.

Carol, this is Nolan.
Nolan, this is good-bye.

- Hey.
- I'm going to use
the restroom.

- I'll meet you at
that table right over--
- Good, all right.

I'm going to go
out on a limb

and say that you enjoy
the marijuana.

Well, you won't have
to go out very far.

[ laughs ]

I used to love to smoke.

Really opens you up
to the music of the universe.

- So you can
hear that, too?
- Uh-uh.

It's kind of like
a polka, right?

You smoke pot
and you're cute.

Intriguing combination.

Kind of like
French fries
and ice cream.

Whoa!

That's just what
I was gonna order.

Whoa!

It's insane!

You read my mind.

Well, it wasn't
"War and Peace."

Say, if you'd ever
like to go to the opera,

I'd love to take you.

The opera?

I don't think
I'd enjoy that
very much.

Oh, you would
if you were high.

Wow.

We just met and you know
so much about me.

I don't want to have
a pool party

because then people
will see me in
my bathing suit.

But I don't want to have
a bowling party

because no one will see me
in my bathing suit.

Hey, I've got an idea
for your party.

Your favorite birthday ever
was at Chuck E. Cheese.

She's 16, Charlie.

- She has a gynecologist.
- Mom!

Well, we can invite him,
but he'll have to buy
his own tokens.

Yeah, I bet
they'll be freezing cold.

I'm gonna get
some more sugar.

Don't worry, we're not
leaving here till we figure
this thing out, all right?

Oh, hey.
Tracy, right?

Charlie, hi.

I was just gonna
call you guys.

I'm really sorry
we can't be in
your study.

Matt and I aren't
sleeping together
anymore.

Oh, no,
that's terrible.

I'm so sorry.
Can you give me
a minute?

$500.
Anything you wanna do.

I'll see you at home.
Happy birthday.

Sorry about that.

So what happened
with you guys?

Matt wanted to go
beyond the friends
with benefits thing,

but I'm not
looking for the kids
and the picket fence.

I just want
really hot sex
with a good friend.

Oh, my God, me, too.

What a crazy coincidence.

- Tracy?
- Let me get that for you.

Here you go.

So you're not
with anybody?

For some reason,
I got the feeling that

you and that Kate woman
had something going on.

Kate? God, no.

We tried, but she was
way too clingy.

You and I should get together.
Can I call you sometime?

Oh, yeah.

We'll grab dinner,
get to know each other,

and whatever happens
happens.

I'll tell you
what won't happen--

- a relationship.
- [ laughs ]

- Here's to the people
who don't understand us.
- Screw them.

We tried...
didn't work out.

[ theme music playing ]

Hey.
Tracy, you look great.

But you know
when restaurants say,

"No shirt, no shoes,
no service," that
includes pants.

Didn't you get my text?

Oh, my God.
Was I not supposed
to wear pants?

No, I can't go out
to dinner.

I'm supposed to be
out of the apartment
by noon tomorrow,

but the movers cancelled
for the morning,

so now I am gonna be
up all night

moving my stuff
to my new place.

So...

being your new friend,
of course

I'm gonna volunteer
to help you, aren't I?

Oh, my God,
would you?

I'd owe you big-time.

Well, as long as
you've got a truck.

Don't need one.
I just wanted a better view,

so I got an apartment
six flights up.

That's great.
That's great.

Look at that.
You got the weight set
and everything.

Are you sure
this is okay?
I feel bad.

We're starting with
a lot more friends
than benefits.

Well, of course
it's okay.

I mean, what kind of friend
would I be if I said no?

I'm asking.

I can't believe
you had the balls

to call me
to help with this.

I can't believe you came.

You must really like
this girl

to be moving her up
six flights.

All I want is a friend
with benefits.

And I don't wanna have
those benefits on the floor.

Keep pulling.

I don't get it.

You had friends
with benefits with Kate
and you let that go.

No, no, no, no.

She's the one who let it go
because I had feelings for her.

Till she changes her mind
and decides she wants
a relationship,

I'm just gonna have fun.

[ grunts ]
Oh!

I'm glad
you're having fun

because something
just popped in my groin.

Oh, this is very heavy!

Sorry, sorry.
Let's just set it here
on the rail for a second.

- [ both groan ]
- There we go.

[ mattress banging ]

You think
we would've learned that
from the first time.

Oh, good,
you didn't bring up
the mattress yet.

We still have to paint.

Way ahead of you.

[ both laughing ]

- What are we laughing at?
- I don't--

I don't know,
but it's funny.

Oh, oh, oh.
Now, what did you
think of the opera?

I know
I asked you before,

but I don't remember
what you said.

I used to think cartoons
hit all the highs and lows

- of human emotions...
- Mm-hmm.

...but after
seeing Rigoletto
stab his daughter,

this "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"

seems almost mundane.

I know,
and I'm having

such a good time
with you.

And I had forgotten
how wonderful pot is.

- That's why
I smoke so much.
- Oh.

- So I'll never forget.
- [ laughs ]

Everything is better
when you're high.

Cartoons are better
when you're high.

Your husband's funeral
is better when you're high.

- You know what's not
better when you're high?
- What?

Nothing.

Oh!
[ laughs ]

Oh, you're cute.
Mm.

Yeah, I'm cuter
when you're high.

[ laughs ]

Tracy:
Thank you so much
for helping me.

I know it was
a lot of painting

and you had to move
all that furniture,

but look at that view
from up here.

Yeah, look.

The freeway
is so much smaller.

All the people down there
look like...

slightly smaller people.

Come on.
It was worth it, right?

Oh, yeah.
Before I looked out
the window,

I thought I'd compressed
three vertebrae for nothing.

Oh, no.
You got paint
on your shirt.

Maybe we should
take it off.

Whoops.

Paint on my pants.

Oh, that's too bad.

That's okay.
They're just my old
painting and sex pants.

[ sighs ]
Well-done, buddy.

Hey, I came
to play, pal.

You know what the best part
of our friendship is?

That thing you do
with the ice?

No, now I have someone
to take me to my cousin's
wedding next week.

Since I broke it off
with Matt,

I have no one to go with.
Wanna come?

To a wedding?
Isn't that something
couples do?

Oh, my God, Charlie.

I just wanna get drunk,
dance, and doink.

Are you coming
with me or not?

Well, if it's a dance
and doink kind of wedding,
I'm in.

Awesome.
Do you have a tie
that goes with lavender?

Uh... not sure, why?

'Cause we have to match.

Right.

'Cause friends
always have to match.

Hey, Patrick,

thanks for taking up
three spots

with your
Nissan "Assfinder."

Mister,
I am not in the mood.

[ chuckles ]

I'll bet you can't remember
the last time you said that.

Charlie just texted.
He's running late.

So let's just start
the stupid session
without him.

I can sound like a shrink,
so I'll run this.

Okay, Patrick,

why are you
on the man rag?

Well,
under the category

of things that none of you
could possibly understand,

I can't figure out why,
after six years,

my friend Carol
has suddenly

stopped inviting me
to the opera.

Maybe she got
to know you.

This is fun.
Okay, Nolan?

Can't be that
she doesn't like opera,

'cause she's been
going with me.

You?
What could you possibly
offer her that I can't?

Oh, my God,
you're sleeping with her.

How did you know?

'Cause you're grinning
like the cat that ate

the very, very old canary.

Well, I think it's great.

Older men sleep
with younger women
all the time

and nobody says dick.

How old is she, Nolan?

73.

Oh, my God.
I wanna vomit.

Son, what is wrong
with you?

Having sex
with an old woman

is like doing your taxes.

You put it off
until you absolutely
have to.

Forget the age thing.

Doesn't anybody here
see that Nolan

stole one of my
very best friends?

Hey, we have
a good time together.

And if you're really
her friend, you'd be happy
that she's happy.

No, I wouldn't.

You keep your stoner boner
away from her.

I will not.
I like her.

And I'm gonna keep
seeing her, Patrick.

Wow.
A breakthrough.

I am so much better at this
than Charlie.

Muffin break.

So, Wayne,
why do you feel like
this other prisoner,

Ronnie "The Butcher,"

let you down?

'Cause I thought
he was my friend.

But he went
and escaped
without me.

No call or nothing.

But you said he was killed
by the guards trying to
get over the fence.

That's not the point.

I don't even
wanna escape.

It's just nice
to be invited.

Well, sometimes,
people have different
interpretations

of what a friendship is.

One person may see it
as a casual friendship

and another person may see it
as something more.

Has that ever
happened to you,
Charlie?

Well, actually,
I'm in a relationship
right now

where there are
certain ambiguities,

but we don't have time
to get into all that.

Charlie, we're not
going anywhere.

I'm supposed to be
in a friends-with-benefits
relationship

where there's
no emotional investment
and it's purely sexual.

Oh, yeah.
We got that
in prison, too.

It's called
"enemies with benefits."

The point is that's all
I want right now,

but I'm starting to think
that this woman feels

that it's something more
than that.

What's that
supposed to mean,
Charlie?

She invited me
to her cousin's wedding

and she wants to coordinate
our outfits.

Ooh! I have a test
to determine your status.

You mean, kill her
and then see if the cops

call it
a crime of passion?

No.

When you walk
into the wedding,

if she takes your hand,
you're a couple.

If she puts her hand
on your shoulder,
you're not.

And if she puts
her hand in your wallet,
she robbing you.

You kids.

In my day, your best gal
just wore your ring.

Boy, you sure know
a lot of different
positions.

[ giggles ]

Have you ever heard
of the "Kama Sutra"?

No.

Is that one of those
expressions from
your generation?

Like the "cat's pajamas"
or "grease is the word"?

No.

It's an ancient book

with a lot of
sexual positions.

Well, don't tell me
how it ends.

Ooh.

Did you like
this evening's opera?

I guess.

Isn't there one
where somebody
doesn't die?

Hmm. Most of them
are tragedies.

No, I mean,
in the audience.

[ laughs ]

Well, opera's
not very popular
with young people,

but Patrick
seems to like it.

I've been taking him
since his mom passed.

- Oh, I didn't know that.
- Mm.

So you guys
are pretty close?

Yes.

Matter of fact,
I think I owe him a call.

It's been
a couple of days.

Or three weeks.
I can't remember.

Oh, you're cute.

[ laughs ]

What are you thinking?

Nothing, uh...

tell me more
about the '70s.

Oh! Well,

huge amounts of drugs,

sexual experimentation,

and a lot of
going around braless.

I was talking about
being in your 70s.

Well, so was I.

- Well, that was
a beautiful ceremony.
- Yeah.

- So do you want
to get a drink?
- Sure.

Let me escort you
to the bar.

Hold any place
you'd like.

Oh, the elbow.
That's ambiguous.

Oh, my God!
It's Charlie!

You brought Charlie.

So glad you can
make it, Charlie.

How does she
know my name?

I just posted
some pictures of us
on Facebook.

We took pictures?

No, I Photoshopped
some stuff together.

I do that
with all my friends.

Oh, well,
that's... fun.

Daddy, over here.

Hi, sweetheart.

And you must be Charlie.

We've heard so much
about you.

Well, thank you
very much, Mr.--

I don't know
your last name.

Now I know you
just started dating
my little girl,

but she seems to think
you're something special.

Dad,
you're embarrassing me.

We're just friends
and we're having some fun.

It's not like
we're getting married.

[ gasps ]
Oh, my God, they're
throwing the bouquet!

[ women screaming,
applauding ]

How 'bout that?
She dove for it.

- What do you think,
Charlie?
- Oh!

Scary, right?

I borrowed it
from the bride.

You may kiss the bride.

Kidding. You may kiss
the friend in a veil.

Actually, I'd rather
talk right now.

Tracy, I'm afraid
you might be in denial

about what
you really want.

Oh, so serious.

I think somebody
needs to doink in
the coatroom.

Let's put that
in our back pocket

and see how you feel
after I tell you about

the crazy stuff I think's
going on in your head.

What are you
talking about?

What you call
friends with benefits,

most people would call
a relationship.

A committed,
long-term,

high-maintenance,

color-coordinated
relationship.

You sound
just like Matt.

Every time we would go
to the maternity ward
to look at babies,

he'd think I wanted
a relationship.

Well,
maybe he was right.

What are you
trying to say?

That I was in love
with Matt?

Yes, actually.

And you probably
still are.

I'm just
a substitute Matt.

If Matt was chocolate,
I'd be carob.

If Matt was milk,
I'd be soy.

- If Matt was butter,
I'd be...
- I get it.

..."I Can't Believe
It's Not Matt."

Sorry, that was
my big finish.

Hmm, maybe you're right.

That must be why
I've had to fake
all my orgasms with you.

Exactly.
I mean, what?

I mean, yes.
That's right.

There can be
no other explanation.

- Wow.
- You're in love
with Matt.

Nobody else in the world
can satisfy you.

- Not one?
- No.

All right, then,
me, neither.

[ cell phone chimes ]

Oh, wow.

I'd like some ice cream
and French fries, please.

We're all out, Smokey.

How 'bout some ice cream
and French fries?

Oh, my God.
That sounds great.

Hey, Nolan.

Oh, hey, Patrick.

I was gonna call you.

I got some sad news.
Carol dumped me.

Now she'll have
plenty of time to go
to the opera with you.

Really,
she dumped you, huh?

Why?

Why?

Oh, she wanted to do
some stuff I wasn't
comfortable with.

Like what?

I'm a gentleman.

I don't spank and tell.

Thank you for being
so discreet.

And thank you
for breaking up with her.

Where'd you get
that idea?

Ah, dang!

I never should have
taught her how to text.

Although she did
teach me how to turn

a blood pressure machine
into a vaporizer.

Hey, I forgot
to tell you.

I got an e-mail
from Tracy and Matt

and they got back together
and they still want to be
in the study.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Why?

Is it a conflict
of interest?

A little bit.

Oh, no.
Charlie, did you
have sex with Matt?

No, but I had
a wonderful time
with Tracy.

But, unfortunately,
I had to end it.

Why?

Did you realize
you were getting all
gushy and lovey-dovey

and it freaked you out?

Yes, Kate,
that's exactly
what happened

on planet
Other-Way-Around.

Oh, you mean
Opposite World.

Yeah, if you're five.

Granted,
it was only
three days,

but it was a very successful
friends-with-benefits
relationship.

Oh, was it?

Yes.

I managed to move her
into her new apartment,
paint it,

go to a wedding
in matching outfits
where I met her parents

and watched her
catch the bouquet.

You're not
very good at this.

Have you ever
played chess before?

Not once.

Was the sex any good?

Just for me.