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1
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,442
ALL RIGHT,
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.
2
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:12,780
TODAY, WE'RE GONNA
TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS
DURING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
3
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,715
UM, ARE WE GONNA
BE CHOOSING
LAB PARTNERS?
4
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,251
'CAUSE IF SO,
I GOT DIBS ON
DONNA HAGEN.
5
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,520
NO, WE'RE NOT CHOOSING
LAB PARTNERS, TOMMY.
6
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:23,591
THEN WE'RE GONNA NEED
A MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE
C.P.R. DUMMY.
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:28,529
ALRIGHT, NOW, THE MALE AND
FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE CELLS
EACH CARRY HALF--YES?
8
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:32,133
I'M SORRY, BUT
THIS MATERIAL JUST
LACKS A CERTAIN, UM...
9
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,168
I DON'T KNOW...
HOTNESS.
10
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,405
LET'S TALK ABOUT
CELLULAR MEIOSIS.
11
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,873
THERE ARE 5 STAGES--
UH, YES?
12
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:44,044
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA
TEACH US HOW TO
UNHOOK A BRA?
13
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,379
WE'RE NOT LEARNING THAT.
14
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,416
OK. WELL,
ALL THIS STUFF IS
VERY INTERESTING,
15
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:51,585
BUT I'M NOT GONNA
GET TO ANY OF IT IF
I CAN'T UNHOOK A BRA.
16
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,056
SALLY, IS
MY SHIRT READY?
17
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:56,924
IN A MINUTE.
18
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,892
SALLY, I'M STARVING.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
19
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,528
OH, I MADE YOU
SOME HAMBURGERS.
20
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,029
THEY'RE DOWN AT
THE HAMBURGER PLACE.
21
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,165
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS GO THERE, ORDER,
AND PAY FOR 'EM.
22
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,937
HI, THERE, SKIPPER.
BAD DAY AT SCHOOL?
23
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:13,006
YEAH. THEY DON'T
TEACH YOU ANYTHING
YOU CAN USE.
24
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,108
I HAD SEX ED
TODAY...
25
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:18,011
OH. DID THEY TEACH YOU
HOW TO TAKE OFF A BRA?
26
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,413
NO. THAT'S
THE THING.
27
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:22,683
IT'S ALL "ED"
AND NO SEX.
28
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:26,654
OH, TOMMY, HOW I
WISH WE COULD AFFORD
PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR YOU.
29
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,357
WELL, I'M GOING TO
DON'S. WE'RE GONNA
HAVE SEX TONIGHT.
30
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:30,591
THAT SOUNDS
LIKE FUN.
OK.
31
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,860
HEY, SALLY,
ARE YOU OVULATING?
32
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,898
NO. ARE YOU?
33
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:41,068
NO. BUT YOU OUGHT
TO BE CAREFUL
TONIGHT AT DON'S.
34
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,637
YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT
MILLIONS OF SPERM.
35
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,275
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
36
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,276
I JUST
LEARNED IT.
37
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,543
I'M JUST SAYING
YOU DON'T WANNA
GET PREGNANT.
38
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,645
PFFT! YOU CAN'T
GET PREGNANT
LIKE THAT.
39
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,014
YOU GET PREGNANT
FROM SITTING ON
A TOILET SEAT
40
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:57,318
OR SWIMMING IN A POOL
WITH SOME GUYS.
41
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,253
OH, NO.
42
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,192
NO, THAT'S NOT
HOW IT HAPPENS.
43
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,493
IT'S CAUSED
BY SEX.
44
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,528
LIEUTENANT, YOU ARE
THE SECURITY OFFICER.
45
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:11,699
IF YOU GOT PREGNANT,
IT WOULD SERIOUSLY
JEOPARDIZE OUR MISSION.
46
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,201
YOU NEVER SAID
ANYTHING BEFORE.
47
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,569
WELL, YOU WEREN'T
GETTING THE REGULAR
NOOKIE BEFORE.
48
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,376
AND IT'S AN ENDLESS
RESPONSIBILITY.
49
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:24,945
IT'LL MAKE YOUR FEET
SWELL UP.
50
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:29,483
GOD, YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT.
I CAN'T GET PREGNANT.
51
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,452
I JUST GOT NEW SHOES.
52
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,860
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH YOUR CHANGE.
53
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,996
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T
BELIEVE HOW FLAKY
THAT SOLE WAS.
54
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,031
MM. YOU KNOW WHAT
I CAN'T BELIEVE?
55
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,467
THAT YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN PREGNANT.
56
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:22,102
WHAT?
57
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:24,472
CONSIDERING HOW MANY
"GENTLEMEN CALLERS"
YOU'VE HAD,
58
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,640
IT'S KIND OF
A MIRACLE.
59
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,809
DICK, I CAN'T
HAVE CHILDREN.
60
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,679
OH, MARY...
WHY NOT?
61
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,847
BECAUSE I HATE THEM.
62
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,484
OH, WELL...
WE'RE OK THEN.
63
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,085
THANK YOU.
64
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,660
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
65
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,598
I'M JUST TAKING
THE LITTLE EXTRA MONEY
YOU ALWAYS LEAVE FOR ME.
66
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,467
OH, MY GOD!
NO WONDER WE'RE
TREATED LIKE CRAP
67
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,536
EVERYWHERE WE GO!
68
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,170
HOW CAN YOU BE
SO CHEAP?
69
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,138
I-I'M NOT CHEAP.
70
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,508
THEN PUT THE TIP
BACK ON THE TABLE.
THE WHAT?
71
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,943
THE TIP.
IT WAS $10.
PUT IT BACK.
72
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,679
UH, OF COURSE.
THE TIP.
73
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,817
GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
74
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,919
OH. THANK YOU.
75
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:17,124
MARY! THAT WAITRESS
JUST STOLE OUR TIP!
76
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,864
DON, THIS IS
SO SPECIAL--
77
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,233
THE WINE,
THE CANDLES...
78
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,303
THE FISH STICKS.
79
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,405
I KNOW YOUR WEAK SPOT.
80
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:32,640
RRAHHRR!
81
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,975
HA HA HA HA!
82
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:39,613
YOU KNOW...
WE DON'T HAVE TO EAT
RIGHT NOW.
83
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,116
OH, YEAH?
84
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:47,020
WHY DON'T I FIRE UP
THE LAVA LAMP?
85
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:49,857
THE RED ONE?
86
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,759
OH, YEAH, BABY.
87
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,728
WILL YOU TURN ON
THE BLACK LIGHT
IN THE AQUARIUM?
88
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:55,863
SURE, BABY.
89
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:59,132
DID YOU TAKE OUT
THE DEAD ANGEL FISH?
90
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,901
I WILL, BABY.
91
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,041
WHAT?
I CAN'T!
92
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,410
IS IT BECAUSE
OF THE FISH STICKS?
93
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,644
BECAUSE I COULD
BRUSH MY TEETH.
94
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:11,979
NO, NO.
I LOVE FISH STICKS.
95
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:15,182
IT'S JUST...
I CAN'T HAVE SEX
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
WHY?
96
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:19,487
TOMMY GAVE ME
MILLIONS OF REASONS.
97
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,389
THAT LITTLE BASTARD.
98
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,795
DID YOU FIND IT YET?
99
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,363
NO. WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME
100
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:32,433
THERE WAS A
RUSTY MEAL SURPRISE
GIFT IN THE BAG?
101
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,268
OH. WAIT A SECOND.
102
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:37,204
AH! THERE WE GO!
103
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,640
YEAH, I FOUND IT!
104
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:40,641
[ICE RATTLING]
105
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,943
[ICE RATTLING]
106
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,447
UM...
EXCUSE ME...
107
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,551
[ICE RATTLING]
108
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:54,254
[CHANGE RATTLING]
109
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:05,198
DUDE, I'VE GOT,
LIKE, 40 BUCKS HERE.
110
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,667
HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE?
111
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,637
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE COUNTING?
112
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,808
HEY, WHERE DID
ALL THAT MONEY
COME FROM?
113
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,577
PEOPLE GAVE IT
TO US.
114
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,246
FOR WHAT?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
115
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,681
YOU WERE GREAT
AT IT.
116
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,083
YOU WERE BETTER,
MY MAN.
117
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,052
THIS MAKES
NO SENSE.
118
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,720
YOU'RE GETTING PAID
TO DO NOTHING.
119
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,556
MEANWHILE, I'M
EXPECTED TO PAY
TIPS TO PEOPLE
120
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,758
FOR DOING THINGS
I'M ALREADY PAYING
THEM TO DO.
121
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:34,528
IT'S ONLY FAIR, DICK.
IT'S A REWARD FOR
GOOD SERVICE.
122
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:35,896
YOU KNOW
ABOUT TIPPING?
123
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,265
SURE. THAT'S HOW I
MAKE MOST OF MY MONEY
DOWN AT THE BAR.
124
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,467
BUT I NEVER TIP YOU.
125
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,634
AND THAT'S
WHY YOUR DRINK
126
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,736
ALWAYS HAS
THAT FUNNY TASTE.
127
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,110
MARY THINKS I'M CHEAP.
128
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,546
YOU'RE NOT CHEAP.
YOU'RE THRIFTY.
129
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,547
FRUGAL.
ECONOMICAL.
130
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:54,247
CHEAP.
131
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:57,184
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE CHEAP.
132
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,252
I CAN'T LET HER
THINK THAT.
133
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:03,190
FROM NOW ON, I'M TIPPING
A GENEROUS 3% TO 5%.
134
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,157
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
135
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,326
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
136
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,530
I AM NOT CHEAP!
137
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,499
DICK, WE'RE HAVING
GIRL TALK HERE.
138
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:14,367
OHH...GIRL TALK!
139
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,438
ANYWAY, DON AND I
HAVE BEEN TOGETHER
FOR A WHILE NOW,
140
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:19,807
AND SO FAR,
I'VE BEEN LUCKY,
141
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,809
BUT HOW LONG CAN
I STAY LUCKY?
142
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:26,346
HONEY, WHAT KIND
OF BIRTH CONTROL
ARE YOU USING?
143
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,381
BIRTH CONTROL?
144
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:31,919
I CAN CONTROL BIRTH?
145
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,221
SURE, YOU CAN.
YOU KNOW, WITH
BIRTH CONTROL.
146
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,690
DO NOT COME IN HERE
CLAIMING YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT IS.
147
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:39,359
BUT I DO.
I KNOW THAT,
I KNOW TIPPING,
148
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,361
I KNOW
EVERYTHING.
149
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,896
AND I'M
NOT CHEAP.
150
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:45,833
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
151
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,237
THANKS.
152
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,405
DICK, YOU DID
NOT HAVE TO
COME WITH ME
153
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,874
TO THE
GYNECOLOGIST'S
OFFICE.
154
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:57,377
I'VE BEEN WITH YOU
FOR ALL YOUR
WOMANLY MILESTONES.
155
00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:02,482
I WAS WITH YOU
WHEN YOU GOT YOUR
FIRST BIKINI WAX.
156
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:03,316
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
157
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,686
YES, I WAS.
YOU JUST COULDN'T SEE ME.
158
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,758
OK, SALLY.
SORRY TO KEEP
YOU WAITING.
159
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,359
NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU, TOO.
160
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,160
HELLO.
161
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,296
WELL, LET'S TALK
ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL.
162
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,430
WHAT HAVE YOU USED
IN THE PAST?
163
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,431
NOTHING.
164
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:19,767
IT NEVER REALLY
OCCURRED TO US
TO USE ANYTHING.
165
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,971
OH. WELL, UH,
HOW LONG HAVE THE TWO
OF YOU BEEN MARRIED?
166
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,640
MARRIED? OH,
HE'S MY BROTHER.
167
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,811
OH, NO, NO, NO.
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
168
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,346
I'M NOT EVEN
ATTRACTED TO HIM.
169
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,349
THANKS FOR THE
GRATUITOUS SLAM, SALLY.
170
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:40,087
OK. WELL,
WHAT METHOD WERE YOU
INTERESTED IN EXPLORING?
171
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,356
WELL, I DON'T WANT
HIM TO KNOW I'M
USING IT,
172
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:46,359
SO I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING LOUD.
173
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:49,362
LOUD?
174
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,964
YEAH. I MEAN, IT
WOULD JUST CRUSH HIM
175
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,300
IF HE KNEW I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE HIS KIDS.
176
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,067
OH, RIGHT.
177
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,769
WELL, UH...
THIS IS
THE SPONGE.
178
00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:58,338
IT'S SMALL
AND HIGHLY
EFFECTIVE.
179
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,441
SPONGE?
180
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,944
OH, I GET IT.
IT'S SO SMALL,
181
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,413
THAT BY THE TIME
YOU'RE DONE DOING
THE DISHES,
182
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:10,350
YOU'RE TOO EXHAUSTED
TO HAVE SEX, RIGHT?
183
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:15,088
DO THEY COME WITH
A SCOURING SIDE?
184
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,991
NO, NO.
YOU SEE, THE SPONGE,
THE DIAPHRAGM,
185
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,292
THESE ARE
BARRIER METHODS.
186
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,928
YOU INSERT THEM
BEFORE SEX.
187
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:21,929
OOH, MOOD KILLER.
188
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,131
IT'S NOT FOR US.
189
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:28,602
LOOK, DON'T YOU HAVE
ANYTHING SIMPLE, EASY,
LIKE--I DON'T KNOW--
190
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:29,569
A PILL OR SOMETHING?
191
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,539
WELL, OF COURSE,
THERE IS THE PILL.
192
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,643
DON'T MOCK ME.
193
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,444
NO. THE
BIRTH CONTROL PILL.
194
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,680
IT'S VERY SAFE
AND HIGHLY
EFFECTIVE.
195
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:42,115
THERE ARE
A FEW SIDE EFFECTS,
HOWEVER:
196
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,051
BLOATING, ANXIETY,
MOOD SWINGS...
197
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:48,221
MOOD SWINGS.
I CAN HANDLE THAT.
BRING IT ON.
198
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:52,492
I CAN'T SWALLOW THIS.
199
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,161
MAYBE IF YOU
MASH IT UP WITH
SOME BANANAS.
200
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:57,330
OH, THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA--
I'LL TAKE IT.
201
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,137
SOMEBODY ORDERED
A PIZZA?
202
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:04,805
NOBODY HERE.
203
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,675
OH...YES,
THEY DID.
204
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:11,078
LUNCH IS ON ME
TODAY, GIRLS.
205
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,447
MONEY IS NO OBJECT,
SO PUT AWAY
THOSE WALLETS.
206
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,817
I AM PAYING
FOR THIS PIZZA--
207
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:21,321
A PIZZA BEING
PAID FOR...BY ME.
208
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,023
THANKS, DICK.
THANK YOU,
DR.SOLOMON.
209
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,291
OH, IT'S MY PLEASURE.
210
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,158
THAT'LL BE $12.
211
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,160
AND THERE
YOU ARE.
212
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,028
AND HERE'S
YOUR CHANGE.
213
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,863
MM-HMM.
LET'S SEE,
214
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:33,500
4.5% OF 12
WOULD BE...
215
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,002
UH, EXCUSE ME.
216
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:36,569
WHERE'S THE LITTLE
PATIO TABLE
217
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:39,907
THAT KEEPS THE CHEESE
FROM STICKING TO THE LID?
218
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,710
WE RAN OUT.
219
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,847
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A CHEESE LOVER'S DELIGHT,
220
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,382
AND CHEESE LOVERS DO NOT
DELIGHT IN LOSING
HALF THEIR CHEESE
221
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,118
TO THE BOX TOP.
222
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,052
IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT.
223
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,386
YOU CAN SCRAPE IT
RIGHT OFF.
224
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,122
SORRY, MAN.
225
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,657
THANK YOU.
226
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:01,261
I SAID THANK YOU,
MY GOOD MAN.
227
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,599
YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE.
228
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:09,169
WHAT? I SPRANG
FOR THIS PIE.
229
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,004
YOU HAVE TO GIVE
THE GUY SOMETHING.
230
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:14,441
WHY? A TIP IS
SUPPOSED TO BE A REWARD
FOR GOOD SERVICE.
231
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,209
HE BROUGHT THE PIZZA
ALL THE WAY UP HERE.
232
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:19,212
BUT THAT'S HIS JOB.
WE HAVE A BUSINESS
ARRANGEMENT.
233
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,281
I'M NOT HIS MOMMY!
234
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,920
COME ON! COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
235
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,756
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON! COME ON!
236
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:29,456
COME ON!
COME ON!
COME ON!
COME ON!
237
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,291
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
238
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,359
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
239
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,560
THAT'S REALLY
NICE OF YOU.
240
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,762
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
HEY, COME ON!
241
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:35,763
WHADDAYA GOT?
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
COME ON!
242
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,364
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
COME ON!
243
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,833
COME ON, LADY!
WHADDAYA GOT?
244
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,409
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
245
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,812
THE MOVIE'S SO SAD.
246
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:57,117
IT'S CADDYSHACK.
247
00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:00,587
YEAH, BUT THE GOPHER'S
MAKING FUN OF EVERYBODY.
248
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,458
YOU'RE RIGHT, SALLY.
I'M--I'M SORRY.
249
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,460
I SHOULD'VE RENTED
SOMETHING ELSE.
250
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:11,832
YEAH, YOU COULD'VE,
BUT YOU DIDN'T,
DID YOU?
251
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,700
DID YOU?!
252
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,103
WELL, WHY DON'T WE
JUST TURN IT OFF?
253
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,638
OH, THANKS, DONNIE.
254
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,407
I LOVE YOU.
255
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,143
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
256
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,912
PLAYING
"KISS THE COW"?
257
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:25,879
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
258
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,815
OH, PLEASE,
LOOK AT ME.
259
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,482
I'M SO FAT
AND DISGUSTING,
260
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,184
MY BOOBS ARE SORE...
261
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:34,321
I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU CAN LOOK AT ME.
262
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,255
KISS ME AGAIN.
263
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,690
UH, S-SALLY...
YOU'RE ALL OVER THE MAP.
264
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,926
WHAT'S GOING ON?
265
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,161
OH, NOTHING.
NOTHING AT ALL.
266
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,729
PFFT! HA HA...
267
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,165
I'M GONNA GO TO
THE FRIDGE AND GET
MYSELF A BROWNIE,
268
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,834
AND WHEN I
COME BACK...
269
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:50,770
[SADLY] I WANT
YOU TO TAKE IT
AWAY FROM ME.
270
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,573
OH, BOY. I THINK I ATE
THE LAST BROWNIE.
271
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,076
NOOOOO!
272
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,115
NOW, YOU HAVE 2
DIFFERENT KINDS
OF CHROMOSOMES:
273
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:05,052
THE "X" AND THE "Y,"
AND EACH ONE HAS
A PARTICULAR--
274
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,686
THERE YOU ARE.
OH, MY GOD.
275
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,788
YES?
LISTEN, MY GYNO'S
AT LUNCH,
276
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:09,923
AND YOU'RE
THE BIG SEX EXPERT--
277
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,359
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO UNHOOK A BRA.
278
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,828
TOMMY, HE'S
MY ONLY HOPE, OK?
279
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,163
EXCUSE ME.
WHO ARE YOU?
280
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,230
A STRANGER.
I'M HIS AUNT.
281
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:20,233
CAN I GO TO
THE BATHROOM?
NO. SIT DOWN.
282
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,002
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF TEACHING A CLASS HERE.
283
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,403
BUT I NEED ANSWERS.
YOU SEE,
284
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,539
I WENT ON THE PILL,
BUT THE PILL'S MAKING
ME ACT CRAZY,
285
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,275
AND MY BOYFRIEND
THINKS I'M NUTS
286
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,610
'CAUSE HE DOESN'T
KNOW I'M ON THE PILL,
AND I CAN'T TELL HIM,
287
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,445
SO I JUST REALLY
NEED YOUR HELP.
288
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,381
WELL, UM...
289
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,017
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED
BEING HONEST WITH
YOUR BOYFRIEND?
290
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:40,187
THAT'S NOT
AN OPTION.
291
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,189
HOW ABOUT ABSTINENCE?
292
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,723
ABSTINENCE?
WHAT'S THAT?
293
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:47,427
THAT'S...THAT'S NOT
HAVING SEX AT ALL.
294
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,696
YEAH!
295
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:54,902
HONESTY! HONESTY
WILL WORK!
296
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,369
HONESTY. ABSTINENCE.
297
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,805
DO YOU SEE WHAT THEY'RE
TEACHING US AT THE
SCHOOLS THESE DAYS?
298
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,340
SALLY,
WHILE YOU'RE HERE,
299
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,409
CAN YOU AT LEAST
SHOW US HOW TO
UNHOOK A BRA?
300
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,843
HEY, EASY, SOLOMON.
301
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,913
IT'S OK.
I'LL HANDLE IT.
302
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,515
ALL RIGHT,
LISTEN UP, CLASS.
303
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:12,385
YOU GOT YOUR FRONT-LOADIN',
AND YOUR BACK-LOADIN'.
304
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,254
I'LL NEED
A VOLUNTEER.
305
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,462
AH...THANK YOU.
306
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,866
HELLO. WOULD YOU
LIKE SOMETHING
FROM THE BAR?
307
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,136
YES. I'LL HAVE
A GLASS OF MERLOT,
308
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:32,405
AND A CHARDONNAY
FOR THE LADY WHO
WILL BE JOINING ME.
309
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,875
OH, AND, UH...
CAN WE ESTABLISH
SOMETHING FIRST?
310
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:39,579
YOU ARE, I ASSUME,
EXPECTING A TIP?
311
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,648
WELL...YES.
312
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,749
ALL RIGHT.
313
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,418
NOW, THIS PILE
OF ONE-DOLLAR BILLS
314
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:49,522
REPRESENTS YOUR
POTENTIAL TIP.
315
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:55,228
EVERY TIME YOU PLEASE ME,
YOU'LL SEE THE PILE GROW.
316
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,297
HOWEVER, IF I
AM UNSATISFIED--
317
00:14:57,330 --> 00:15:00,833
IF YOU'RE SLOW,
MOUTHY, OR SNEEZE
INTO YOUR HANDS--
318
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:04,304
YOU'LL NOTICE THE PILE
SHRINKING. AGREED?
319
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,805
YES, I GUESS--
320
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,041
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD LUCK.
321
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:11,844
DICK!
322
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,846
OH, HI, MARY...
323
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,915
HI. MWAH!
324
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,117
SO, THIS
IS NICE.
325
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,151
MM-HMM. TRUST ME.
326
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:21,989
I HAVE TAKEN CARE
OF EVERYTHING.
327
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,691
OK...
THANK YOU.
328
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,226
HERE WE GO.
329
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,795
UH...NO.
330
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,069
SORRY.
331
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,005
ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE
SPECIALS TONIGHT.
332
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,940
THERE'S A TRI-COLORED SALAD
WITH CANDIED WALNUTS
AND GOAT CHEESE.
333
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,009
IT'S VERY, VERY LIGHT--
334
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,744
WHAT KIND OF DRESSING
COMES WITH THAT?
335
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,379
[SIGHS]
I'LL HAVE TO CHECK.
336
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,648
OUCH.
337
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,118
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
338
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:55,588
DON'T WORRY, MARY.
EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL.
339
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,158
THERE YOU GO.
HMM...
340
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,027
NO.
341
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:06,233
MMM!
342
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,135
ALL RIGHT, DICK,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
343
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:12,172
MARY, I HAVE
REINVENTED TIPPING.
344
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:13,173
OH, GOD.
345
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:14,674
NO. I'M BEING GENEROUS,
346
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:17,110
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,
I'M BEING HONEST.
347
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,646
I'M BRINGING TIPPING
OUT OF ITS DARK,
LITTLE CAVE
348
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,581
AND INTO THE LIGHT.
349
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:22,682
IT'S DEMEANING.
350
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,284
IT'S THE TRUTH, MARY.
351
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:28,555
TRUST ME, IN THE FUTURE,
ALL TIPPING WILL BE
DONE THIS WAY.
352
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,390
OK. JUST TO
LET YOU KNOW,
353
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,958
THE SOUP DU JOUR IS
BUTTERNUT SQUASH,
354
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,828
AND, UH...WE'RE OUT
OF THE MONKFISH.
355
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,330
UH-OH.
356
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:40,300
YOU DON'T EVEN
LIKE MONKFISH!
357
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,202
THAT'S NOT
THE POINT, MARY.
358
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:45,038
COULD YOU GIVE US
A SECOND?
359
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,640
OK, THAT'S IT.
CUT IT OUT.
360
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,942
FROM NOW ON,
I'M PAYING
FOR DINNER.
361
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,011
FINE!
362
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,217
MY WINE TASTES FUNNY.
363
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,790
[MUMBLING IN SLEEP]
364
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,958
AH...ER...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT...
365
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,364
DON?
366
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:12,832
WHAT?
367
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,202
SALLY...WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
368
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,470
WE NEED TO TALK.
369
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,506
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
YELL AT ME AGAIN,
ARE YOU?
370
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,708
NO, DON. I...
371
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,943
I HAVE TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
372
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,081
I'VE BEEN TAKING PILLS.
373
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:31,151
PILLS!
I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.
374
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,153
WHAT ARE THEY,
UPPERS? DOWNERS?
375
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:36,389
LUBIES? BEANBALLS?
376
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,225
WORSE.
377
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,727
BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.
378
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,762
THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN
ACTING SO CRAZY.
379
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,464
YOU BEEN TAKING
BIRTH CONTROL PILLS?
380
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,532
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME?
381
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,933
I JUST DIDN'T WANT
YOU TO THINK
382
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,301
I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE YOUR BABY
383
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:51,771
'CAUSE I DO--
IF I WANTED TO HAVE
A BABY, WHICH I DON'T.
384
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:55,142
WELL, THAT'S
ALL RIGHT, SALLY.
NEITHER DO I.
385
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,577
THAT'S WHY I...
USE PROTECTION.
386
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,380
YOU DO?
387
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:04,351
OF COURSE. WHAT'D YOU
THINK WAS IN THOSE
LITTLE FOIL PACKETS?
388
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:07,254
I THOUGHT THOSE WERE
AIRPLANE PEANUTS.
389
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:11,791
AIRPLANE PEANUTS?
390
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:12,692
YEAH.
391
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,894
AND I USED TO WONDER
WHY, BEFORE SEX,
392
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,498
YOU'D GO INTO THE BATHROOM
AND EAT PEANUTS BY YOURSELF,
393
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:23,703
BUT I FIGURED,
"HEY, WHATEVER GETS
YOU IN THE MOOD," RIGHT?
394
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,439
NO, SALLY,
NOT AIRPLANE PEANUTS.
395
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,040
WAIT A SECOND.
396
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:31,311
IF WE'RE BOTH USING
BIRTH CONTROL,
397
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:34,547
THEN ONE OF US
CAN STOP.
398
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,749
BUT WHO?
399
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:37,717
DEFINITELY YOU.
400
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,020
ARE YOU SURE?
DEFINITELY YOU.
401
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,190
YOU'RE SO SWEET.
402
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,724
YOU KNOW...
403
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:49,229
NOW THAT I KNOW
WE'RE BOTH..."SAFE,"
404
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,799
MAYBE WE COULD...
YOU KNOW.
405
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:53,566
I THINK I DO.
406
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,736
HEH HEH HEH...
407
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,371
HA HA HA HA!
408
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:02,074
[CRACKING UP]
409
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,813
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
410
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,948
[NOW CRYING]
NOTHING!
411
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,721
THIS ISN'T GONNA
HAPPEN, IS IT?
412
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:17,390
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
413
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:27,700
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
HEY! COME ON!
414
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:31,304
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
WHADDAYA GOT?
COME ON!
415
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,239
HEY, RICO.
416
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,241
COME ON!
WHADDAYA GOT?
417
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,142
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING OUT HERE?
418
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,444
MAKING
A NICE LIVING.
419
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:40,747
YEAH, SO MOVE ALONG.
YOU'RE SCARING AWAY
ALL THE PHILANTHROPISTS.
420
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,816
ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST
EARNED YOURSELVES
A CITATION.
421
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,085
FOR EXCELLENCE IN
CHANGE GATHERING?
422
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,256
[EMOTIONAL]
IT'S ALL HAPPENING
SO FAST.
423
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:50,623
HI, GUYS.
HOW'S BUSINESS?
424
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,559
GREAT! WE'RE BEING
HONORED BY RICO.
425
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,093
THEY'RE GETTING
A CITATION.
426
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:57,564
CONGRATULATIONS,
BOYS!
427
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:58,998
THE TICKET'S $75.
428
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,401
WHA..?
OH, WELL...OK.
429
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,404
AND I SUPPOSE
YOU'LL WANT 15%
430
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,139
AS YOUR OWN
PERSONAL CUT, HUH?
431
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,040
EXCUSE ME?
432
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,610
DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW HOW THESE
THINGS WORK.
433
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,479
THIS SHOULD
TAKE CARE OF IT.
434
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,282
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
GET IN THE SQUAD CAR.
435
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,616
WE'RE GOING DOWNTOWN.
436
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,151
AH...NOW THAT'S
SERVICE.
437
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:21,654
SEE YOU DOWN THERE,
BOYS!
438
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,423
COME ON!
HEY!
439
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,996
OH, MAN...
440
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,498
THIS PEZ SUCKS.
441
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:40,340
THAT IS NOT PEZ.
IT'S PROGESTERONE.
442
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,509
WELL, THEN THIS
PROGESTERONE
SUCKS.
443
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,478
THE CALENDAR
FUNCTION IS NICE.
444
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:46,679
YEAH.
445
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:47,580
SALLY...
446
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,849
DO YOU TIP YOUR
GYNECOLOGIST?
447
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:53,152
COME ON. WITH HIS JOB,
HE SHOULD BE TIPPING ME.
448
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:56,323
YEAH, BUT IT'S STRANGE,
THOUGH.
449
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,325
YOU TIP THE GUY
WHO DELIVERS YOUR PIZZA,
450
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,092
BUT NOT THE GUY
WHO DELIVERS YOUR BABY.
451
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:03,730
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU
WANT YOUR PIZZA
TO BE HOT.
452
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:08,568
IF HE DELIVERS YOUR BABY
IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS,
THOUGH...
453
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,269
THEN YOU TIP HIM!
454
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,872
WELL, THAT'S
JUST GOOD SERVICE.
455
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,641
MORE PEOPLE WOULD
HAVE BABIES
456
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:16,809
IF THEY CAME WITH
FREE GARLIC BREAD.
457
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:17,644
NO, THEY WOULDN'T.
458
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:18,678
YEAH. YOU DON'T
KNOW THAT.
459
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:19,479
YES, I DO.
460
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:22,515
NO!
GIVE ME THAT.
32198
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