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1
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,844
DICK, WAKE UP!
WAKE UP, DICK!
2
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:13,414
WHA--OOH!
WHA--WHA? OH!
3
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,249
OH, SALLY! THANK GOD!
4
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:17,418
I HAD THE MOST
HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE!
5
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,753
I DREAMT THAT
THE BIG GIANT HEAD
CAME TO EARTH!
6
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:22,690
AND HE WAS
AN OBNOXIOUS,
LOUDMOUTHED BOOB,
7
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:26,460
AND...AND HE MADE YOU
HIGH COMMANDER, AND...
8
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:30,698
AND THEN I WAS EATING
A GIANT MARSHMALLOW...
AND...
9
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:33,334
OH, MY GOD!
WHERE'S MY PILLOW?!
10
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,569
DICK.
11
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:36,970
GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, OK?
12
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,540
LOOK. IT WASN'T A DREAM.
13
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,675
HE | MAKE ME
HIGH COMMANDER.
14
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,877
AND MY PILLOW?
15
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:46,747
HE, UH...HE CONFISCATED
ALL OUR PILLOWS
FOR HIMSELF.
16
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,183
OH, MY GOD.
THEN IT'S TRUE.
17
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,152
SALLY, GET ME
SOME COFFEE.
18
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:52,520
DICK...
[CHUCKLES]
19
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,623
I'M NOT GETTING YOU
ANYTHING ANYMORE.
20
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,825
YOU WORK UNDER ME NOW,
AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO GET USED TO IT.
21
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:58,692
OH, GREAT!
22
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,394
NOW, GET UP
AND GET DRESSED.
23
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,562
NO.
THAT'S AN ORDER!
24
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,098
AN ORDER?
25
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,134
"HIGH COMMANDER SALLY."
26
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,269
THAT SOUNDS
REAL IMPRESSIVE.
27
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:09,203
RALLY 'ROUND, TROOPS.
28
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:11,972
HIGH COMMANDER SALLY
WANTS TO GO TO THE MALL.
29
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,808
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU
30
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,245
THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY
DESERVE THIS PROMOTION?
31
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,348
OF COURSE IT DIDN'T!
32
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,582
UH, SIR...
PERMISSION TO--
33
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,584
DICK.
34
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,853
WHAT IS THIS?
35
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,921
IT--IT'S CALLED
A SOAP OPERA, SIR.
36
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,157
MMM.
37
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,892
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
38
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,296
THEY'RE HAVING SEX.
SIR, IF--IF I MAY--
39
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:38,799
I WANT TO DO THAT.
40
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,535
I WANT TO DO
WHAT DRAKE IS DOING
TO AMANDA'S SISTER.
41
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:48,108
SIR, I'LL--
I'LL CALL SOME PEOPLE.
42
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,577
BUT, SIR,
IF I MIGHT,
43
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,880
HOW COULD YOU MAKE SALLY
THE HIGH COMMANDER?
I'M THE HIGH COMMANDER.
44
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,047
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
45
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,383
THEN WHAT AM I?
46
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,318
I DON'T KNOW.
47
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,019
HOW DOES "LIEUTENANT"
SOUND?
48
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,053
AWFUL!
49
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:00,888
THAT'S RIGHT.
IT DOESN'T HAVE
50
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,990
MUCH OF A RING
TO IT, DOES IT?
51
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:08,162
LET'S SEE.
LET'S MAKE YOU
THE...TRANSMITTER.
52
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:12,600
"TRANSMITTER DICK."
NOW, THAT SOUNDS
KIND OF JAZZY.
53
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:13,901
BUT...I--I CAN'T BE
TRANSMITTER.
54
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:14,968
HARRY'S THE TRANSMITTER.
55
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:17,104
FINE. THEN YOU'LL BE
HIS ASSISTANT.
BUT--BUT--BUT--
56
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,474
NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
DON'T THANK ME.
57
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,376
WAIT. I'VE CHANGED
MY MIND. THANK ME.
58
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:30,083
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
59
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,582
OK, TOMMY.
NOW, THE THING
ABOUT A CUMMERBUND
60
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:05,953
IS THAT NOT ONLY
IS IT A NICE ACCENT
TO YOUR ENSEMBLE,
61
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:10,224
BUT YOU CAN ALSO
HIDE YOUR STASH IN IT.
62
00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:12,092
I'M NOT HIDING
A STASH IN IT.
63
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,394
OH. WELL, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
64
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:16,930
YOU OUGHT TO HOLD IT.
THEY NEVER SEARCH
THE GIRL.
65
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,999
THAT'S JUST GREAT.
I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT THAT, TOO.
66
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,033
I'M LEAVING.
67
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,303
HA HA HA HA HA!
68
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,872
SHE IS
THE SWEETEST THING.
69
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,907
YOU BE GOOD
TO HER, TOMMY.
70
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:30,244
THIS IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT NIGHT
OF HER LIFE.
71
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,279
WHAT ABOUT HER WEDDING?
72
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,281
AH! WEDDINGS
COME AND GO.
73
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,719
BUT A GIRL ONLY HAS
ONE JUNIOR PROM.
74
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:42,356
OF COURSE...
SOME GIRLS HAVE NONE.
75
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,659
HELLO, VICKI.
76
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:48,061
EXCUSE ME. TOMMY,
DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING?
77
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,331
'CAUSE I MOST
CERTAINLY DID NOT!
78
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,667
[SOBBING LOUDLY]
79
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,704
AH.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
DICK.
80
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,506
HIGH COMMANDER.
81
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,275
LOOK, I...I JUST
WANT TO SAY I...
82
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:03,344
I COMPLETELY ACCEPT
YOUR NEW POSITION
83
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,112
AND ONLY HOPE THAT
YOU WILL TREAT ME
84
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,415
WITH THE SAME
CONSIDERATION
AND RESPECT
85
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:10,150
THAT I,
AS HIGH COMMANDER,
SHOWED YOU.
86
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:14,154
OF COURSE.
GET OUT OF MY CHAIR.
87
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:17,391
SALLY, I NEED SOMEONE
TO DRIVE ME TO GET
MY CORSAGE AT 3:00.
88
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:18,859
NO PROBLEM.
DICK, DRIVE HIM.
89
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,461
YES, SIR.
THANKS. DICK,
GET OUT OF MY CHAIR.
90
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:23,797
UH, BUT--
MOVE!
91
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,599
DICK, GET OUT
OF MY CHAIR.
92
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:29,837
GOOD AFTERNOON.
93
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,071
All: GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR!
94
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,473
AT EASE, AT EASE.
WELL...
95
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:35,343
WELL. WHAT'S GOING ON?
96
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:38,011
WE WERE JUST
DISCUSSING TOMMY'S PROM
TOMORROW NIGHT, SIR.
97
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,647
OH. WHAT IS THIS "PROM"?
98
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,115
UH, PROM. IT'S, UM...
IT'S A PARTY.
99
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,886
A PARTY! I'M DOWN.
COUNT ME IN.
100
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,889
THAT'D BE GREAT, SIR,
BUT IT'S ONLY
FOR TEENAGERS.
101
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,958
WELL, HE COULD GO
AS YOUR CHAPERONE.
102
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,160
OR
HE COULD NOT.
103
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,729
CHAPERONE, CHAPERONE.
I KINDA LIKE
THE SOUND OF THAT.
104
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,264
CHAPERONE. DICK,
GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR.
105
00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,634
YES, SIR!
RIGHT AWAY, SIR!
106
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,069
YOU, UM...
107
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,236
WANT TO
SIT DOWN, SIR?
108
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,972
NO.
109
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:14,081
OH, IT'S NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF, DICK.
110
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,483
THIS HAPPENS
TO ALL MEN
111
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:19,052
AT SOME POINT
IN THEIR LIFE.
112
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:19,953
IT DOES?
113
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,222
SURE.
114
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,592
AT LEAST,
I THINK SO.
115
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,459
I WOULDN'T
REALLY KNOW.
116
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,795
I'VE BEEN BATTING
KIND OF A THOUSAND...
117
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,096
UP UNTIL NOW.
118
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,564
[GROANING]
119
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,065
OH, DICK,
WHAT'S WRONG?
120
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,167
OHHH...
I DON'T KNOW.
121
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,003
EVER SINCE
STONE GOT HERE--
122
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,439
OH, ENOUGH
ABOUT STONE!
123
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,241
I KNEW HIS TYPE
BACK IN COLLEGE.
BIG MAN ON CAMPUS.
124
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,010
BUT YOU LOOK PAST
THAT FLASHY SMILE,
125
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,311
SLEEP WITH HIM
A COUPLE OF TIMES,
126
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,480
DO KINKY THINGS
YOU NEVER THOUGHT
YOU'D DO,
127
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:49,249
AND THEN TRY
FOR DAYS TO GET HIM
TO ANSWER THE PHONE.
128
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:52,686
THEN YOU SEE
THE REAL HIM.
129
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,756
THIS ISN'T REALLY
THE PEP TALK
I WAS HOPING FOR.
130
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,133
OH, VICKI,
I LOVE YA.
131
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:09,269
CAN YOU EVER
FORGIVE ME? AAH!
132
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,673
I JUST CAME IN TO STEAL
ONE OF VICKI'S CIGS.
133
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,841
SO WHAT'S NEW?
134
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,877
OH, YOU KNOW.
SAME OLD SAME OLD.
135
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,178
YOU WANTED THE CABLE
HOOKED UP IN HERE?
136
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,114
YEAH. RIGHT
OVER THERE, HONEY.
137
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,789
HEY.
138
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:31,725
OH, GOOD.
STONE. LOOK--
139
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,462
OH. IF IT ISN'T
CROOKED EAR.
140
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,831
RIGHT. UH, YOU KNOW,
I--I KNOW YOU AND DICK
GO BACK--
141
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,500
YOU HAVE
A VERY PRETTY MOUTH.
142
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:42,135
IT MOVES A LOT,
BUT IT'S VERY PRETTY.
143
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,604
OK. YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE
YOU GOT HERE--
144
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,273
I--I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOU'RE A WOMAN.
145
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:50,478
AND AS SUCH,
I'D REALLY LIKE TO HAVE A GO
AT THE SEX THING WITH YOU.
146
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,950
SO...WHY DON'T WE FIND
A PAIR OF EARMUFFS
147
00:06:56,984 --> 00:07:00,087
AND RETIRE
TO THE BEDROOM?
148
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,922
NO, I--I DON'T THINK SO.
149
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,728
AH.
150
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:08,896
OH, MY GOD.
151
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,063
OH, MY GOD!
152
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,199
I KNOW, AND I'M STILL JUST
GETTING THE HANG OF IT.
153
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,534
YOU PIG!
154
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,203
NO, NO! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
THE BEDROOM'S THIS WAY!
155
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,643
OH, MAN! THIS SHIRT
DOESN'T HAVE
ANY BUTTONS!
156
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:25,479
WHAT A RIPOFF!
157
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:28,516
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
USING SOME OF THESE
LITTLE BLACK THINGS?
158
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,551
HARRY, THAT'S
THE STUPIDEST THING
I'VE EVER HEARD.
159
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,052
GO GET ME
A STAPLER.
160
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,858
YOU KNOW, YOU CANNOT
ORDER HARRY AROUND
LIKE THAT ANYMORE, DICK.
161
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,192
HE OUTRANKS YOU NOW.
162
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:42,395
OH, RIGHT. I FORGOT.
I HAVE TOO MUCH
CELLULITE ON MY ASS
163
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,264
TO BE A HIGH COMMANDER.
164
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,301
YEAH, DICK.
MAYBE IF YOU PUT ON
A WONDER BRA,
165
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,404
YOU COULD GET
YOUR JOB BACK.
166
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,873
ARE YOU GUYS
INSINUATING
167
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,342
THAT I GOT THIS JOB
BECAUSE OF THE WAY
I LOOK?
168
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,645
WHO'S INSINUATING?
WE'RE SAYING IT
RIGHT TO YOUR FACE.
169
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,212
YEAH.
170
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,549
THIS IS
SO TYPICAL!
171
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,116
WHEN A WOMAN
WITH A BODY
LIKE THIS
172
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,652
GETS
A PROMOTION,
173
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:05,919
EVERYBODY
QUESTIONS IT.
174
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,155
BUT IF IT WERE
A MAN WITH A
BODY LIKE THIS,
175
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,791
THERE WOULDN'T
BE ANY QUESTION!
176
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:15,495
AH. SIR.
AS PER MY DUTIES
AS HIGH COMMANDER,
177
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,966
I HAVE COMPLETED
THE DAILY STATUS REPORT.
178
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,334
IF YOU'LL NOTICE,
I'VE ORGANIZED IT
CHRONOLOGICALLY
179
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,203
AND NOT AS MY
PREDECESSOR USED TO DO,
180
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:27,440
UH, IN...LIMERICK FORM.
181
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:28,108
EXCELLENT WORK.
182
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,877
EXCELLENT WORK!
183
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,078
BUT YOU DIDN'T
EVEN LOOK AT IT.
184
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:34,114
DIDN'T HAVE TO. I LIKE
WHAT I'M LOOKING AT
RIGHT NOW.
185
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,484
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
186
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,752
I'M SAYING...
187
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:42,222
VAH-VAH.
188
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:45,092
OH, MY GOD.
189
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,928
I DIDN'T WANT
TO BELIEVE IT,
BUT IT'S TRUE.
190
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,363
YOU DIDN'T PROMOTE ME
ON MY MERITS.
191
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:50,864
NO, MA'AM.
192
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:52,399
OH, GOD.
193
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,767
BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG.
194
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,202
I PROMOTED YOU BECAUSE
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE
195
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,638
THE BEST
POSSIBLE CANDIDATE
TO GIVE ME PLEASURE.
196
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,943
OK.
197
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,445
I'LL GIVE YOU PLEASURE,
YOU STEAMING PILE
OF ALIEN--
198
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:06,546
THAT'S RIGHT!
199
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,049
TALK DIRTY!
200
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,852
HEY. I GOT
A LIMO OUTSIDE
FOR TOMMY SOLOMON.
201
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,186
YEAH. YEAH, I'M READY.
202
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,521
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
203
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,989
SHOTGUN!
204
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,002
YOU LOOK REALLY
PRETTY TONIGHT,
ALISSA.
205
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,137
THANK YOU.
206
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,507
YAH-HA!
207
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,777
TOMMY,
I JUST HAVE
A QUESTION.
YEAH.
208
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,279
WHO IS THIS MAN,
AND WHAT'S HE DOING
HERE RUINING MY LIFE?
209
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:42,950
YAAAHHH!
210
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:43,784
WHOO-HOO!
211
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,719
HA--
212
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,621
[CHOKING]
213
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,123
I THINK
I SWALLOWED A BUG.
214
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,196
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
215
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,208
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I WOULD JUST LOVE IT
216
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:12,012
IF YOU WOULDN'T
PLAY GRAB-ASS
WITH MY TYPING TEACHER.
217
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,214
I WOULD LOVE IT
IF YOU'D KEEP IN MIND
218
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,649
WHICH ONE OF US
IS YOUR SUPREME LEADER.
219
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:20,087
GET--SHH! ALL RIGHT.
GIVE HER MY LOVE THERE...
BIG BOY.
220
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,089
TOMMY. YOU'RE
SPENDING MORE TIME
221
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,291
WITH YOUR DAD'S FRIEND
THAN WITH ME.
222
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:28,395
YEAH. WELL, YOU
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.
IT'S HIS FIRST PROM.
223
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,763
MINE, TOO!
224
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:34,167
RIGHT. EXACTLY.
SEE THAT?
225
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:36,804
HEY, KIDS.
226
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,706
HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING
ILLEGAL GOIN' DOWN?
227
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,607
YOU KNOW, SMOKING,
DRINKING?
228
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,175
NO.
OH.
229
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:46,714
COME ON, CATS.
OLD DONNY'S NO SQUARE.
230
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,382
I'M TOTALLY DOWN
WITH YOUR AWESOME SCENE.
231
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:50,383
NOW, UH...
232
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,351
WHICH ONE
OF THESE KIDS
233
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,887
IS DANCIN'
WITH LUCY IN THE SKY
WITH DIAMONDS?
234
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:03,663
HEY, GUYS.
235
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,565
HI, VICKI. WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
236
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,901
WELL, I WAS JUST
SITTIN' AT HOME--HI--
237
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,537
I WAS JUST SITTIN' AT HOME
FEELIN' LONESOME,
AND I THOUGHT,
238
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:11,772
HEY, WHAT THE HELL?
239
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,975
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO GO
TO YOUR JUNIOR PROM.
HA HA HA HA!
240
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,112
I'M NOT SURE
THAT'S TRUE.
241
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,581
[SOBBING]
242
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,087
DICK.
243
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:27,855
HELLO, MARY.
244
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,189
IS STONE AROUND?
245
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:30,057
NO.
246
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,726
GOOD.
247
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,263
BECAUSE I HAVE
A LITTLE NEWS FLASH
ABOUT YOUR FRIEND.
248
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,999
THIS AFTERNOON,
HE GRABBED ME
AND KISSED ME!
249
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,267
WHAT?!
250
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,469
OH, DICK, I KNOW HOW
THIS MUST MAKE YOU FEEL.
251
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:43,904
OH, BUT
THIS IS WONDERFUL!
252
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,238
WHAT?!
253
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,706
STONE LIKES YOU!
254
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,842
THIS REFLECTS
BEAUTIFULLY ON ME!
255
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,779
DICK, ANOTHER MAN PUT
HIS TONGUE IN MY MOUTH!
256
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,546
TONGUE! YES!
257
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,015
HOW CAN THIS BE
A GOOD THING?
258
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,786
MARY, DON'T YOU SEE?!
HE'S GIVEN YOU
HIS SEAL OF APPROVAL!
259
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,620
WHY DO YOU CARE
WHAT HE THINKS?
260
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:05,759
THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS
IS WHAT YOU AND I THINK.
261
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:09,763
I THINK
YOU'RE WAY TOO SMART
AND HANDSOME AND SEXY
262
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:15,135
TO WASTE A SECOND
OF YOUR TIME WORRYING
ABOUT THAT BRAYING JACKASS.
263
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,137
MARY...
WHAT?!
264
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,006
I THINK MY LITTLE
PROBLEM IS GONE.
265
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,311
YEHH-HAWW!
266
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:36,389
TOMMY,
YOUR WEIRD FRIEND
IS RUINING THE PROM.
267
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,825
WHICH ONE?
268
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,998
HE'S IN THE LEAD.
269
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:48,035
SO SORRY, ALISSA.
I KNOW I'M SCREWIN'
THIS WHOLE NIGHT UP FOR YOU,
270
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:51,638
AND YOU'RE GONNA
PROBABLY END UP BACK HERE
IN 20 YEARS LIKE VICKI.
271
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,340
IT'LL BE ALL MY FAULT.
272
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,009
TOMMY, IT'S BAD,
BUT IT'S NOT...
273
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,478
THAT BAD.
274
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,849
THE POINT IS THAT
WE'RE HERE TOGETHER,
AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
275
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:02,515
REALLY?
276
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:03,984
REALLY.
277
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,452
WHOOPS!
278
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,964
I'LL GET
SOME NAPKINS.
279
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,666
[DRUMROLL]
280
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,034
OK, EVERYBODY,
IT'S THAT TIME!
281
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:24,004
AND NOW THE KING AND QUEEN
OF THE JUNIOR PROM...
282
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,306
TOMMY SOLOMON
AND ALISSA STRUDWICK!
283
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,375
OHH! OHH!
284
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,877
OH, MY GOD!
WE WON!
285
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,244
OHH!
286
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,213
OH, THANK YOU
SO MUCH!
287
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,281
OHHH...
288
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,784
THIS IS
SO BEAUTIFUL!
289
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:45,758
[BAND PLAYS]
290
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,361
* WHY DO BIRDS
291
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:51,098
* SUDDENLY APPEAR
292
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,433
* EVERY TIME
293
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:57,170
* YOU ARE NEAR...
294
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,106
OH, MY GOD.
295
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:02,709
IT'S LIKE
HE'S SINGIN'
JUST FOR ME.
296
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:06,013
* CLOSE TO YOU
297
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,916
* WHY DO STARS
298
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,518
* FALL DOWN
FROM THE SKY *
299
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,054
* EVERY TIME
300
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,990
* YOU WALK BY?
301
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,927
OH, DEAR,
JUST LIKE ME...
302
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,695
THEY WANT TO BE...
303
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,131
* CLOSE TO YOU
304
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,133
[WHISPERING]
Oh, Stone...
305
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:40,847
YOU KNOW, THIS IS
HOW I ALWAYS IMAGINED
MY PROM NIGHT WOULD BE.
306
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,483
I--I WAS--I WAS
IN A BAD, BAD PLACE,
STONE,
307
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:47,454
BUT YOU'VE...
YOU'VE REAWAKENED
THE WOMAN IN ME.
308
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,760
LET'S GO TO MY PLACE.
309
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,295
NO. NOT THE SOLOMONS'.
310
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,829
NO, NO, NO.
MY PLACE.
311
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:59,066
THE VIEW IS...
[CHUCKLES]
312
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,234
UNBELIEVABLE.
313
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,370
TAKE ME THERE.
314
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,760
YOU KNOW,
FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN DAYS,
315
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:30,830
I ACTUALLY FEEL
GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.
316
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:35,535
I DON'T NEED A FANCY TITLE
TO HAVE SELF-RESPECT.
I HAVE LOVE.
317
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,404
YOU KNOW,
WE GOT A LITTLE
DRIED-UP JELLY
318
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,240
BY THE STOVE HERE,
DICK.
319
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,075
ON IT.
320
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,644
LET'S JUST GET THIS SETTLED
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
321
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,280
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE MY BODY GOT
MY FOOT IN THIS DOOR,
322
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,117
BUT YOU GUYS KNOW
THAT I DESERVE THIS JOB
REGARDLESS.
323
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,052
YEAH, WHATEVER.
Tommy: SURE.
324
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:54,154
SHUT UP!
HEY, Y'ALL.
325
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,188
HEY, VICKI.
HEY,
VICKI.
326
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,489
THAT WAS
SOME PROM THERE.
327
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:59,026
OH, YEAH, IT WAS GR--
IT WAS WEIRD.
328
00:15:59,059 --> 00:15:59,959
WEIRD?
329
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,861
WELL...
I WAS WITH STONE...
330
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,831
AHH! YOU WERE WITH--
331
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,699
STONE? UH, WHAT
HAPPENED WITH STONE?
332
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,868
WELL, IT JUST DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE.
333
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,038
ALL I REMEMBER
IS I'M LOOKIN'
DOWN ON THE EARTH
334
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:14,841
FROM WAY HIGH UP,
AND THERE WERE
THESE PULSATING LIGHTS
335
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,710
AND THIS...THIS NOISE,
THIS...
336
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,779
SKEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP-BEEP.
SKEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP-BEEP.
337
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,881
SKEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP-BEEP.
SKEE-BEE-DEE-BEEP-BEEP.
338
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:26,553
AND...STONE WAS THERE,
AND THAT WAS NICE.
339
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,489
BUT THE NEXT THING I KNEW,
I WOKE UP IN MY OWN BED,
340
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,924
AND I DON'T HAVE A CLUE
HOW I GOT THERE.
341
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,862
DO YOU THINK I MIGHT
BE GOIN' CRAZY?
342
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:39,199
YES.
343
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:40,967
YES, YOU ARE
GOING CRAZY.
344
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,535
THAT IS A SHAME.
YEAH.
345
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:43,870
MY ADVICE IS
FORGET ABOUT IT,
346
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:46,439
DON'T TELL ANYONE,
AND PRETEND YOU'RE WELL.
YEAH.
347
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,308
UM, DO Y'ALL HAVE
ANY DEVILED EGGS,
348
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,010
THE KIND WITH THE RELISH
IN 'EM? I'VE GOT
THIS MASSIVE CRAVING.
349
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:53,446
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK
WE HAVE SOME OF THOSE
IN THE LIVING ROOM.
350
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,184
LET'S GO, GUYS!
YEAH! YEAH!
351
00:16:57,217 --> 00:17:01,721
OH, MY GOD.
HE TOOK HER UP
TO HIS BACHELOR POD.
352
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,523
THAT SKUNK!
TAKIN' ADVANTAGE
353
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,492
OF MY INNOCENT
LITTLE VICKI?
354
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,628
HE IS SERIOUSLY
OUT OF CONTROL.
355
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:12,031
I'M GONNA GO IN THERE,
AND I'M GONNA TELL HIM
WHAT'S WHAT.
356
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,568
GOOD MORNING, SIR.
357
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,405
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT...
358
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:22,542
YOU CANNOT
JUST GO AROUND
ABDUCTING HUMANS.
359
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,011
YES, I CAN.
360
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,781
WELL, OK. BUT, UH...
THERE ARE PLENTY
OF PLACES ON EARTH
361
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,117
TO DO WHAT
YOU TWO DID.
362
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:35,088
I KNOW. BUT I WANTED
TO BE REALLY LOUD.
363
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,456
YOU KNOW, YOU FOUR
364
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,692
HAVEN'T DONE
THIS PLANET JUSTICE
IN YOUR REPORTS.
365
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,761
IT'S...INFECTIOUS!
366
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,830
I...DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!
367
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,399
IN FACT, I'VE DECIDED
TO MAKE THIS PLACE
368
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,435
OUR NEW BASE
OF OPERATION.
YOU HAVE?
369
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,403
YES. I'VE HIRED
AN ARCHITECT.
370
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,805
WE'RE GONNA GO UP...
AND OUT!
371
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,742
I'M NEVER LEAVING!
Vicki: STONE!
372
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,245
I--I DON'T--
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THIS, BUT I...
373
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:01,013
I THINK I MIGHT
BE...PREGNANT.
374
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:02,482
AAH!
375
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,753
WELL, LOOK AT THE TIME.
I GOTTA GET GOING.
376
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,193
WHOO! YES, INDEED.
I'VE GOT
TO GET GOING.
377
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,261
HOME FOR ME!
I'M LATE!
378
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:15,462
WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN'?!
379
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:19,832
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M SUDDENLY OVERCOME
WITH A DESIRE TO FLEE.
380
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,734
SIR! PLEASE! SIR!
381
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,737
I HEREBY UPGRADE YOUR
EVALUATION TO SUBSTANDARD.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
382
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,707
UH, UH, PROCEED BOLDLY
AND WITH STEALTH.
383
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,742
SHWEHHW!
384
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,044
WHATEVER.
I DON'T KNOW.
385
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,113
OK. ALL RIGHT. WE GOT
A BIG SITUATION HERE.
386
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,115
BUT WE GOT TIME.
WE GOT 9 MONTHS,
SO WE CAN--
387
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,785
YOU GUYS...WE GOT
A LITTLE PROBLEM HERE.
388
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:47,394
WELL, 10 MINUTES AGO,
THESE PANTS FIT GREAT.
389
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:51,298
AND NOW--NOW I CAN'T
EVEN ZIP 'EM UP.
390
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:54,601
THEY--
THEY COST ME $40.
391
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,735
HELLO!
392
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,438
MARY! MARY, IT'S
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!
393
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,407
WELL, TILL TOMORROW,
THEN. SLEEP WELL.
394
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,475
I JUST GOT HERE!
OHH! OHH! OHH!
395
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:06,413
OHH...OHH...
OHH...OH.
OH. WAIT. YEAH.
396
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:09,249
OH, MY GOD, VICKI,
LOOK AT YOU!
397
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,083
SHE'S PUT ON
A FEW POUNDS.
398
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:11,918
Sally: YEAH.
399
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,720
YOU KNOW,
SHE LOVES HER TACOS,
SO...
400
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,122
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE
6 MONTHS PREGNANT!
401
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,725
YEAH!
DUH!
WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN?
402
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:21,060
I HAD NO IDEA!
I MEAN, THIS IS SO--
403
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:24,030
HARRY, CONGRATULATIONS!
404
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,432
OH.
WHY, UH...
405
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,270
I DO NOT NEED THIS
MY FIRST WEEK
AS HIGH COMMANDER.
406
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,272
I DO NOT NEED THIS!
WHAT'RE WE DONNA DO?
407
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,240
ALL RIGHT.
408
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:36,108
FIRST THINGS FIRST.
WE MINIMIZE CONTACT.
409
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:37,477
DICK, YOU GOTTA GET
MARY OUTTA HERE.
410
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,546
TAKE HER TO ONE
OF THOSE REALLY LONG
FOREIGN FILMS
411
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,780
SHE PRETENDS TO LIKE.
412
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,416
OK? TOMMY, CALL
THE HOSPITAL. TELL 'EM
THERE'S AN INCOMING.
413
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,051
HARRY, YOU GO RUN
TO THE BATHROOM.
414
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:47,287
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
TO STOP ON THE WAY.
NOW, GO!
415
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:55,395
NICE WORK,
HIGH COMMANDER.
416
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:56,763
THANK YOU.
417
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:59,666
FOR A BEGINNER,
I MEAN.
418
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,667
THANKS.
[CHUCKLES]
419
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:01,468
OF COURSE, THERE WERE
420
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,236
NO ALIEN IMPREGNATIONS
ON MY WATCH--
421
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,971
YEAH, I GET IT, DICK.
422
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:12,579
UM...DOC--
DR. ALBRIGHT...
423
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,714
IT WOULD MEAN
A GREAT DEAL TO ME
424
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,550
IF YOU WOULD
DELIVER MY CHILD
INTO THIS WORLD.
425
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:20,553
WHAT?
426
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:24,190
WELL, YOU'RE
THE ONLY DOCTOR
I TRUST.
427
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,527
OH...VICKI, I--
I'M NOT THAT KIND
OF DOCTOR.
428
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,197
OH. I SEE.
429
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,165
JUST BECAUSE
I DO NOT HAVE INSURANCE
430
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,635
MEANS I'M NOT
A HUMAN BEING.
431
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:39,772
NO. NO. I--I CAN'T
DELIVER YOUR BABY.
432
00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:42,742
BUT I'LL BE THERE
FOR YOU.
433
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:43,643
OH, WELL, NOW,
THAT'S GOOD,
434
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,646
'CAUSE I BELIEVE
MY WATER JUST BROKE!
435
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,416
OH MY GOD! DICK, GET IN HERE!
436
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:52,985
WE'VE GOT TO TAKE VICKI
TO THE HOSPITAL!
THE BABY'S COMING!
437
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,721
[SALLY BREATHES
NERVOUSLY]
438
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,122
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
439
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:59,326
YOU'RE
THE HIGH COMMANDER.
GIVE US AN ORDER!
440
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,994
CHASE THEM?
441
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:03,530
LET'S GO!
442
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,769
YOU'RE GONNA BE
OK, HONEY.
443
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,571
OH, GOD, HARRY,
I CAN FEEL IT!
444
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,105
I CAN FEEL IT COMING!
445
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,141
JUST RELAX.
BREATHE DEEPLY.
YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
446
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:19,646
I CAN SEE THE HEAD.
BOY, IS THAT
A BIG HEAD!
447
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:24,851
[ALL SCREAMING]
448
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:27,754
[ALL SCREAMING]
449
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,756
IS DICK IN?
HAVEN'T SEEN HIM. WHY?
450
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:34,026
WELL, HIS FRIEND STONE LEFT THIS
AT THE PROM LAST NIGHT.
451
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,528
I THINK HE WAS
SPIKIN' THE PUNCH.
452
00:21:35,562 --> 00:21:36,896
WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK THAT?
453
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:39,332
WELL, I, UH...WOKE UP
ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD
454
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:41,601
WHEN THE SPRINKLERS
CAME ON.
455
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:44,671
WELL, I'LL BE SURE
TO TELL HIM WHEN HE--
456
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,873
UH--UH...
WHERE'S MY EVIDENCE?
457
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:48,575
I DON'T KNOW!
458
00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:51,310
JEEZ! THIS HAPPENS
TO ME ALL THE TIME!
459
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:54,814
GUNS, DRUGS...I EVEN LOST
A WHOLE DEAD GUY ONCE.
32438
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